


Silent All These Years

by sullenword



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alpha Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternative universe - werewolves are known, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Family Drama, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mpreg, Omega Nakamoto Yuta, Performance Drug Misuse, Substance Abuse, communication issues big time, slightly imbalanced power dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:20:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 202,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22372468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sullenword/pseuds/sullenword
Summary: With every action, there comes an abundance of consequences that follow.Born into a high-ranking family with plenty of skeletons in their closet, Nakamoto Yuta attempts to guide his way through his life—as an omega who had been placed into an arranged marriage before he could even walk, by his own parents.Jung Jaehyun was the only heir to his wealthy parents, leading to an uncomfortable bond and a mother who would stop at nothing to ensure her son’s future as a doctor.What happens as Yuta navigates his way through a rocky engagement, only to discover that his family aren’t the only ones hiding secrets from him.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 553
Kudos: 998





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Being in love with the person you’re arranged to marry when they don’t return those feelings, isn't always a good thing. 
> 
> Yuta learned that the hard way. 
> 
> Born from a wealthy family as the middle child, Yuta had built his whole life to prove himself despite his societal role as an omega. He’s arranged to marry an alpha who hasn’t had to work even half as hard as he has. 
> 
> hi! this is my new fic, i’m not sure what caused the inspiration for this. i hope you enjoy it and please leave any comments you have!

Yuta is 3-years-old when his baby sister is born, officially declaring him as a middle child. He remembers feeling the first pangs of jealousy at a young age as he watched his parents fawn over his baby sister, who had stolen his spot as the baby of the family. It was inevitable for him to feel bitter.

“Look, she got your eyes honey.” Yuta heard his mother say, as he sat on the floor beneath them, where they were cuddled on the couch with the new baby in their arms.

Yuta was playing with some action figures that used to entertain him and cheer him up no matter what, but he now viewed them as dull and uninteresting. It was like the new baby had taken the fun out of everything for him.

“She got more of my looks than Yuta, it seems.” His father replied, to which Yuta turned his head to look, hearing his name mentioned. His father looked down at him with a blank expression.

“But he got my looks, which is a good thing.” He heard his mother reply, the slightest hint of spite in her tone.

Yuta sniffled and went back to crashing his action figures together, not understanding the rest of the conversation his parents were holding.

He was 10-years-old when he fully understood one of his parents' arguments.

Yuta stood outside their bedroom door, with one ear pressed to the wood. He had been playing hide and seek with his sisters but they had started to fight about who would be the seeker for the second round and Yuta had lost interest.

“I promised Jaeyoon that I would agree to a marriage with his son, and our Yuta. How hard is that to understand?!” He heard his father raise his tone of voice, which he did quite often.

“Because, his son is 2 years younger than Yuta, and would be better suited for Mina. Can’t you just tell him things have changed with our daughter being born?” His mother replied, sounding rather exasperated with her husbands stubbornness now.

“No, it’s out of the question. We made the arrangements already and they will meet by the time Yuta is 18. That’s final. I don’t want to hear anymore of this.” His father yelled.

Yuta recoiled away from the door. He only knew about marriages from television and books, and knew that after they kissed and shared vows they would go on to make babies. He knew he didn’t want to do that at 18!

He hated the idea of it. From that day on, he decided that he would never get married, no matter what happened. He would run away if he had to.

Yuta brought it up to his mother that night, when she was tucking him into bed, and pushing the hair out from his eyes.

“Momma, do I have to get married when I’m 18?”

Her hand froze, she was clearly taken aback by Yuta’s words. She must’ve realized he had heard the conversation.

“No, not that young. It will happen when you are ready. I promise.”

Yuta was 18-years-old when he decided that he wanted to run away again. This time for good.

His birthday party had gone awful so far, and he was prepared for it to be over. There were far too many older men biting their lips and staring at him like he was some piece of meat. It was as if his age had changed the way they perceived him. Neither of his parents were to be found, but he assumed they were off talking with some other high-class folk, as usual.

Being an omega, and a male one at that, it meant that he was always ogled at, and stared at, by alphas or people who wanted a glance upon one of Japan’s and Korea’s biggest millionaire's failed son. He knew deep down that his father resented him for not being born an alpha, which he grew to resent himself for. It would’ve made everything so much easier. They could’ve been accepting proposals from all over, rather than his father making a risky deal with one of his business partners in order to find Yuta a mate who would take him.

He knew that at this party, somewhere out there was the person he had been arranged to marry since birth. Yuta didn’t want this. He had never wanted to be used as some pawn in a play to get more power for his parents. 

Yuta took one look around the room and decided he didn’t want to be there anymore.

He rushed upstairs, walking towards his room. Yuta’s hair had fallen in his eyes by now and hot tears had started to brim at the corners of his eyes. Then, as he got closer, Yuta noticed the door was ajar and could hear shuffling footsteps, and grew anxious. Whoever it was, they were about to get a piece of his mind for creeping around in his room.

His heart spiked as he flung the doorknob open, to see a surprised and startled younger boy with brunette bangs that fell all the way down into his eyes. Slowly, the boy looked up from the picture he was staring down at.

All Yuta saw were those dark brown eyes, piercing up at him.

“What are you doing in my room?!” Yuta exclaimed, brows furrowed in confusion, “this isn’t free to roam in just because it’s a party, you creep.”

The boy seemed at a loss for words, with his pockets in his hands. He tried to leave, not getting past Yuta without his arm coming up to block him.

“You, answer me, before I go down and get my father.” Yuta threatened.

“I was just... I was lost.” The boy mumbled back, in a voice even deeper than Yuta’s own.

Yuta scoffed. “So, you were lost and you came into my bedroom, yeah, bullshit.”

“I wasn’t trying to snoop around, don’t know why you think I would want to anyways.” The kid snapped and pushed past Yuta’s arm.

Yuta felt shock. No one had ever disrespected him that way. He was treated like porcelain by the house staff, and even more so by his big sister, sometimes little one too. He was known as sensitive, and someone who could easily be harmed by words.

“Take that back.” Yuta refused to move out of the way.

“What? Would you prefer I said I do want to snoop in your room, _prince_?” The snarky comment was too far. Yuta didn’t care who his parents were at this party, he only knew that he had disrespected his name.

When Yuta didn’t move, the kid grew more agitated. “Move before I make you.” He said, snapping his fingers directly at Yuta.

“Who do you think you are?” Yuta growled, grabbing at his wrist once again and preventing him from leaving.

The kid clicked his tongue, “You really can’t take a warning huh?” He twisted Yuta’s hand off, painfully so, and made his way down the hall. Yuta chased after him.

“Give me your name so I can tell my father and have you and your family banned from any of our social gatherings again.” Yuta spoke as he followed him down the stairs, voice stern as possible after moments ago he had been on the verge of tears.

The boy just chuckled at this, adjusting the cuffs of his jacket and ignoring Yuta completely. He had a stupidly boyish grin that made Yuta very angry.

Yuta was about to grab him again and demand an answer when his father rounded the corner with terrible timing.

He had a glass martini in one hand and seemed to be showing the second dining room to some of the guests. Yuta was about to ask his father to tell this boy to leave, when the boy made a bow in front of him and greeted him with, “Hello, father.”

_It couldn’t be._

_There was no way._

This was the boy he was fated to be with for the rest of his days. By contract.

“Ah, Jaehyun.. I see you met my son. I was hoping to introduce you two myself.”

“I went to look for him upstairs, but he found me. Isn’t that right, Yuta?” Jaehyun asked, giving the same cold eyed, boyish grin from before.

“Yes.” Yuta gulped, and managed to get out one word. His hands felt cold and clammy, and he felt a tight pain in his chest.

“Well. Don’t you two look nice next to each other. Get to talking but don’t waste all the good questions now. You’ll need some for dinner on friday.” His dad let out a chuckle, to which neither of them reciprocated.

“F-Friday?” Yuta asked. He had made plans to go out with his friends, who he actually liked being around, not to be at some stuffy dinner with this stranger and his parents.

“Yes. No complaining. This is a happy day, son.” His father spoke with clear intentions, patting Yuta’s shoulder with his free hand.

Yuta felt himself deflate as he was left alone with Jaehyun. Settling down on the staircase, his arms coming to rest on his knees.

“You’re whinier than I expected.” Jaehyun said, looking away from him with his hands in his suit pockets.

“How would you feel if you were in my shoes?” Yuta sassed, still sulking on the staircase.

“I’d feel pretty great if I was marrying myself honestly,” Jaehyun seemed content, dealing with the situation much better than Yuta.

“We haven’t formally met yet, I’m Jung Jaehyun. Top 6% in school and a pretty big deal on the lacrosse team. You’re Nakamoto Yuta, former soccer captain, huh?”

Jaehyun stuck his hand out but Yuta didn’t shake it. 

“You did my introduction for me.” Yuta grumbled, irritated with his overwhelming confidence.

“Why quit the team?” Jaehyun pressed, ignoring his words. He took it upon himself to sit down next to Yuta, to which Yuta backed away so that he was practically pressed against the marble staircase railing.

“I didn’t have as much passion for it as I used to.” Yuta said simply.

“Also it’s pretty fucking hard to be the only omega on a team of alphas and betas.” He didn’t really care if Jaehyun found his talk rude for an omega, or if it had offended him.

“You have a good reputation in school though. Among the Juniors at least.” Jaehyun nodded as he spoke. 

“Great to hear. My years of using a perfume to mask my scent really paid off.” Yuta let his head lean on the marble railing, a sigh escaping his lips once more.

Jaehyun laughed at his sarcasm, causing Yuta to stare at him. He looked a bit nicer when he wasn’t doing that weird, creepy smirk.

 _This irritating kid has dimples_ , Yuta thought to himself after a minute or so of observing him. 

“You do have a good sense of humor, Yuta.” Jaehyun admitted.

Yuta smiled, hiding it by turning the other way. Maybe he wasn’t so bad. Just a little bit annoying.

-

He was 22-years-old when he had his first real awakening.

Even though he had been in several relationships since turning 18, Yuta had felt little sorrow when he ended relationships or got dumped. He had expressed this to a close friend or two of course, who both reassured him that he was just in his head about it and needed to relax.

It wasn’t exactly normal to be dating around while simultaneously being in an arranged marriage, but it’s not like the engagement was official yet. That was Yuta’s worst nightmare, and yet to come. It was only something that lived in the back of Yuta’s head—a reminder of sorts, that one day, he would be in a loveless union. 

The only relationship that had been of any value to him in the span of almost four years had been an older friend of his, who didn’t live in Korea. It may not have been a long term one, but he had still been the only man that had brought him any type of excitement or butterfly feelings. Johnny Seo, who had come to visit his best friend Doyoung, had taken an interest in Yuta upon meeting him which had started their coupling. It lasted only a bittersweet 3 months. Yuta was the one who broke it off after discovering Johnny had been unable to stay faithful to him once they had become long distance. 

It had been almost a year since and Yuta still found himself thinking of Johnny from time to time, despite all the insecurities and his inability to find a working relationship after they had ended. 

What had been the weirdest occurance in those 3 months, was that Jaehyun had ignored his existence for the entirety of it. Until he found out from Yuta’s eldest sister that the relationship was over. For good.

Yuta had somehow been talked into coming to the gym with Jaehyun. The younger had since ditched lacrosse and now spent all his leisure time playing basketball, which Yuta often joined even though it wasn’t his favorite sport. He didn’t mind the company of the younger man at all.

They had butted heads at first, but had since then found a strange, semi-dysfunctional friendship. Yuta figured if they could fake their way through the entire sham of a marriage, it might not be too bad. 

It was a bit odd to become so casual and friendly with someone you were technically to-be-engaged to, but both of them had agreed to just push the whole marriage thing off as long as their parents would allow. They even made jokes about having an ‘open relationship,’ as soon as they were forced into becoming official.

Which was soon, Yuta figured.

He had no sympathy from his parents even after finishing his two year degree in advertising and management, which halfway in he had realized he had no passion for. Yuta was yet to find a career path that didn’t involve playing soccer or dancing. He had been told by his mother to consider becoming a coach for either ambition, but he was convinced that he was still too young and would not get any respect or have any authority due to his age.

Jaehyun had grown up quite nicely from the teenager with a cranky attitude to a somewhat functioning adult. The young alpha had just begun his first year of his 2-year undergraduate program, on the way to becoming a doctor.

That day, while they were playing a match of basketball, Yuta noticed there was something about the way Jaehyun had let his dark brown hair grow out more than usual, due to having no time to go to a decent hairdresser and get it cut, with his college studies taking up his weekends.

It meant that he kept running his fingers through his hair to keep it from falling in his eyes, and Yuta kept getting distracted by this action.

Yuta shook his head. It wasn’t like he didn’t know how attractive Jaehyun had become. It was all he ever heard from his mother and sisters these days, they seemed to swoon whenever he came over for an obligatory Nakamoto and Jung household dinner.

Which is what made his struggle even harder, as he found himself closely observing. Jaehyun had an annoyingly perfect face. That was how Yuta was able to put it so that he could sleep at night. He hated, really just hated, how his attention was drawn to how Jaehyun bit his plump lower lip whenever he was focused on a specific move.

Yuta locked his eyes on the ball as Jaehyun blocked him again. He turned his back and ran with the ball in an attempt to make a distraction, which failed when Jaehyun bumped into him from behind, Yuta slipping and Jaehyun catching the ball from him.

“Nice one, hyung.” Jaehyun spoke smugly. He smiled like he meant it as well, before making his score. Yuta had lost the game, which wasn’t much of a surprise. He knew he for sure would have won if it was soccer. And if he hadn’t been thinking so absent-mindedly the whole time.

Yuta was not phased by Jaehyun’s low, rich, baritone voice. He definitely didn’t get a weird feeling in his stomach whenever Jaehyun called him over from across the court. The amount of volume and power that Jaehyun had whenever he yelled when he was so soft spoken you could barely hear him sometimes, completely baffled Yuta.

He made his way over to the younger, sheepishly fixing his ponytail as it had become loose with all his movement.

“Next time, if you bring Sicheng or Jungwoo you might actually win against me.” Jaehyun teased playfully, removing his hoodie to cool down. He handed Yuta a water bottle which he must’ve brought just for him, knowing well that Yuta always forgot his own, last time he had actually left his own water bottle on the basketball court without thinking.

“I used to go to your soccer games you know.” Jaehyun turned to watch Yuta’s face after the confession. 

He had a habit of doing that, saying things to get a reaction or surprise out of Yuta with no build up. Yuta wondered if he liked to see him panicked or something.

“What the hell Jaehyun?” Yuta asked, swallowing his water fast.

“When you were in like, grade 9?” He laughed a bit. Yuta couldn’t believe the younger had never brought this up before, even though their friendship had been hot and cold for the few years that they had been in each other's company.

Jaehyun just nodded, smiling now.

“Yeah. I thought you were the best player on the team even though my friends were convinced it was Sehun. I fought them about it all the time, seriously.”

“No way you did, I can’t imagine you standing up for me ever.” Yuta pushed at his shoulder playfully.

“Just ask Doyoung next time you see him, I’m serious. It annoyed him the most.” Jaehyun grinned, scooting closer to Yuta but not enough that Yuta noticed.

“I can’t believe that. You were probably my only male fan you know. That’s pretty brave, Jung.” Yuta smirked, tucking a strand of his fallen hair behind his ear.

-

It was later in the locker rooms that Yuta found himself in a predicament.

He had finished his shower and was putting his soap back into his gym bag, wearing absolutely nothing but a robe as his wet hair dripped down his back, uncomfortably so.

Yuta hadn’t heard Jaehyun come in until he had wrapped his arms around Yuta’s waist from behind, successfully scaring him, as Yuta let out a shriek of surprise. He squirmed against his hold and twisted his head around to meet Jaehyun’s eyes. There was a dark glint to them, Yuta noticed.

He felt it, all over. It felt like a fever coming over his body as Jaehyun started to smile. Yuta could only focus on something he had never thought about before, which was Jaehyun’s scent. He knew that he had one, every alpha did. But Yuta had never paid any attention to it until now. Something changed, and Yuta found himself entranced by it. It was almost sweet and warm like lemon balm, one of Yuta’s favorite scents, but it had a strong bite and punch to it, alike to the scent of peppermint.

It was like a high. He had never felt so bewitched by an alpha’s scent before in his life. Yuta tried to snap out of it but it didn’t help that Jaehyun had soaking wet hair too, somehow making him seem even sexier, and nothing but some black sweatpants on. Yuta had already taken a fair share of glances at the toned ab’s Jaehyun had been working on.

Whatever workout he was doing, it was paying off, as Yuta found himself enjoying how roughly Jaehyun had grabbed him and pulled him against his body, how his arms almost felt like they were making it harder for him to properly breathe air.

Jaehyun was the one who broke the silence, “I didn’t mean to scare you.” He muttered, a clear lie.

He let go of Yuta, heading back to packing up his own things like nothing in the air had changed at all.

Jaehyun actually seemed quite happy with Yuta’s reaction, as they left the gym. Yuta was quiet and swept up in his own thoughts, thinking about the reaction his body had, and how strange it was to feel that way about someone he had only ever viewed as a friend.

He hated himself for overthinking it, Jaehyun was his close friend, but affection was rare from him, so whenever Jaehyun decided to be touchy out of the blue, it always surprised Yuta. It seemed the more time that Yuta spent alone with Jaehyun, his comfort level and confidence when it came to skinship with Yuta grew.

In many ways, they had been forced to behave as a couple ever since both of them became legal adults. Yuta came to any of his family events, was polite and thankful to his parents, and vice versa. 

-

“Maybe you attached to his scent.” Doyoung laughed at the face Yuta threw at him. “Okay, calm down, I don’t mean to be so blunt. Maybe you just started noticing, because you’ve been around him so much.”

Yuta could not believe what Doyoung was suggesting. He could not even fathom the words coming out of the beta’s mouth.

“No, no, absolutely not.” Yuta dismissed it, waving his hand and leaning to take another sip of the light blue drink he ordered. It looked as if it would be sweet but in reality it tasted more like cough syrup due to the vodka.

“Just think about it, you started feeling that way as soon as Jaehyun got more possessive with you. As soon as he wanted one on one time with you.” Doyoung continued, a spark in his eye as if he had just solved some sort of mysterious crime.

“I don’t have a crush on him. I don’t.” Yuta said, more to himself than anyone else.

“What would be so bad about that anyways? You guys are literally engaged to be married and have been since birth.”

“Because, he doesn’t even,” Yuta paused, fiddling with the cuffed sleeves on his shirt, “he doesn’t think of me that way I’m sure. He has plenty of other options and probably has never thought of me in that way, ever. He always seemed to run away from me when we were younger. I think he just tolerates me now.” Yuta felt his shoulders slouch just thinking about it, confidence slowly draining from his body.

Yuta was no fool. He always saw how Jaehyun would follow a guest from some dinner party they were both at, out to the hall, and most likely the coat closet, or one of his stupid sport cars, and come back all disheveled. He knew that the younger was an alpha, but Yuta witnessed him having multiple encounters for someone who would be married within less than a couple years. It was comedic in a sense.

He had no issues with these hookups, but he warned Jaehyun against knocking anyone up like a fool. He recalled the younger returning his warning with, _‘as long as you don’t get knocked up by someone I won’t knock anyone up.’_ Yuta had punched his shoulder for that.

Still, a part of him, deep down, had gotten dressed up with the hope that he would see Jaehyun here, at this stupid club. He was wearing a specific pair of sparkly, dangling silver earrings that Jaehyun had complimented at the last family dinner.

“Then, why don’t you test the waters and see if he sees you as an omega?” Doyoung suggested, clearly tired of his best friend’s moping.

Yuta made a disgusted face, “God that’s so old fashioned.” As gross as he found it, a deep part of him wanted to know what his friend meant, “But, how would I do that?”

“Make him jealous. Or let him see you cry. Something like that, oh, or ignoring him. That makes alphas go crazy.” Doyoung grinned.

Yuta had to laugh at his friends expertise, he knew Doyoung had experience with getting exactly what he wanted, but Yuta wasn’t good at sending signals or being direct like that. He just became shy.

But he knew that wasn’t going to get him what he wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuta starts to realize his feelings are bigger than he thought. He tries to test the waters, and isn’t too happy with the results.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!! thank you so much for all the love and support on the first chapter! every single comment means so much. this fic still isn’t beta read so i apologize for any errors
> 
> also, sorry for so much angst and character setting so early on! i promise it’s setting up for the future.

It was a Tuesday afternoon, and Yuta had accepted Jaehyun’s impulsive offer to come with him to the library. Jaehyun was hardly ever the one to initiate things like that, and Yuta found that he grew eager whenever he did and couldn’t find it in his heart to reject the younger.

Even when Jaehyun asked with _‘I was going to go with Jungwoo, but he cancelled. You up?’_ Yuta was still foolish enough to say yes.

He wasn’t easy, or anything like that, but when he found himself infatuated by someone, or curious about them, it became harder for Yuta to play hard to get. The walls that he put up before letting anyone in, seemed harder to build back up after they had been knocked down.

Jaehyun was just sitting there, reading over some big textbook with his notebook and a highlighter, yet he looked so perfect. Yuta noticed he was wearing a beanie today, probably because of the cold and to keep his long, uncut hair out of his eyes as he studied. Yuta didn’t know when his taste in men had become so bare minimum, but there was something oddly attractive about Jaehyun’s exposed forehead and dark eyebrows.

Jaehyun must’ve noticed how Yuta had stopped typing on his computer just to stare at him, as he looked up from where he was leaning against his arm on the table.

“Is there something you need, hyung?” He asked, sounding sweet as ever.

It killed Yuta, deep down

“No, uh, I was just noticing, you look tired.” He regretted the comment right away, realizing how rude it sounded coming out of his mouth. He always did that around Jaehyun, panicked and said something he didn’t mean.

Instead of being offended, Jaehyun laughed as if Yuta had told a great joke. “Yeah, I’ve been cramming my studies late at night. I don’t think my eye bags have been too forgiving.”

The comment was said as a joke, but it saddened Yuta a bit. He could tell Jaehyun was taking this whole doctor thing seriously, even though his position was basically a given whether he passed or not. Of course, the younger man’s father, a renowned heart surgeon, had always been a bit of a strict one. Yuta couldn’t really say he’d be surprised if he had a lot of pressure on Jaehyun to pass his exams with flying colors.

Part of Yuta wondered what that felt like, to work so hard for an ambition, to have your future career so planned out like that. Yuta’s father gave no intention of passing any of the mayoral work down to him, which was why Yuta had never worked towards becoming a government official or public servant. He had no pressure.

While it might sound nice to some, Yuta just felt useless compared to the rest of his family. His father was a mayor, for god sakes.

Meanwhile, Yuta hadn’t been able to settle on one ambition even after finishing college early. His eldest sister was an attorney in practice, while his younger sister was in college with the intention to graduate with a degree in education leadership. And then there was Yuta.

He had no clear plans for the future. Except for one thing. At some point, he’d have to marry the boy sitting in front of him.

Yuta was snapped out of his thoughts by a simple few words from Jaehyun.

“Your hair looks pretty in that style.” Jaehyun muttered. It had sounded so casual coming out of his mouth.

He couldn’t help but feel confused. Jaehyun didn’t compliment his hair when he spent an hour having it styled before dinner, not even when he tried a new shade or got special highlights. Instead, he complimented Yuta’s messy half-up, half-down style, which he had thrown together in 5 minutes due to leaving last minute and being unable to find a brush.

Jaehyun was _outrageous_.

When Jaehyun had invited him to study, Yuta hadn’t been prepared at all for the close proximity they were sitting in. He had failed to take into account just how dangerous it felt to be alone with Jaehyun in a study room like this, door shut and all. They were hardly ever left alone, mostly any interactions that they had shared over the past few years had been heavily supervised, making their dynamic feel forced and awkward at times as a result.

They went on for another hour, making small talk about random things that came to mind whenever one of them couldn’t stand the silence anymore. Yuta caught how whenever he made a stupid joke, Jaehyun practically threw his head back with laughter.

All Yuta could do was smile and force a chuckle of his own, because his jokes weren’t even that funny.

“Ah,” Jaehyun murmured at one point, sounding rather content and happy, while leaning back in his chair, his was face wide with a smile.

Without any warning, Jaehyun placed his hand on Yuta’s thigh, patting there twice. Yuta had to force another laugh and look away, silently hoping that Jaehyun wouldn’t notice the slight pink tint that had grown across his face.

It was so unlike him to be flustered by even the most simple kinds of touches. Yuta began to wonder what made him so easily swayed by the simplest things Jaehyun did, was it the fact that Jaehyun had never tried anything frisky with him even though he had every right to do so? But even that made him insecure, Yuta found himself wondering things like _‘am I not appealing enough?’,_ Or the more drastic, _‘he’ll never want to mate with me, and I’ll be childless in a loveless marriage.’_

These were all useless thoughts, and Yuta knew it well. He knew that it was foolish of him to find Jaehyun’s respect toward Yuta as a friend before his position as an omega offensive. If anything, it was a blessing. The bar was on the floor for alpha’s not to expect old-fashioned and traditional things from omega’s. 

After a little while longer, Jaehyun spoke up again.

“Do you want to go to lunch now? I’m sure you’re hungry as well.” Yuta realized that he had been staring at his computer with a blank expression and Jaehyun must’ve caught on.

Yuta turned away from the screen to face Jaehyun, noticing how Jaehyun’s arm was on the back of his chair now. He wasn’t wearing his large winter coat, and instead Jaehyun’s arms were bare, thanks to the low cut v-neck shirt he wore, which almost showed the hard, small muscles on his stomach. Even his neck was muscular. Yuta tried so hard to focus on making eye contact instead of the toning on Jaehyun’s arm.

“Hyung?” Jaehyun asked, his tone sounding more worried because Yuta hadn’t answered, “I can pay. My treat.” He grinned wide enough to show his teeth, and Yuta practically melted inside.

“But you already paid for coffee, I should take care of lunch.” Yuta whined, he protested only because he wanted it to be fair, even though Jaehyun’s eagerness to take care of the elder every time money was involved was rather charming.

“Mhm, no. I want to pay,” Jaehyun smirked before saying, “I’m going to be a doctor one day Yuta, you have to get used to me spoiling you a bit.”

Yuta felt as his heart beat seemed to skip. Jaehyun would surely be the end of him.

-

The café they picked was small, but not so much that it was overcrowded. Jaehyun had picked a table that was sort of hidden in the back corner. Yuta enjoyed his desire to be further away from people as well.

Before Yuta could go up to the counter, Jaehyun asked what he wanted to order then went up himself to order for the both of them. Yuta did a double take, as he knew he was reaching, but for a second it really felt like they were on a date.

He shrugged off his winter coat, catching his own reflection in the window. His hair was still sticking all over the place, much to his own dismay. The white t-shirt he wore had a couple stray cat hairs from when he had worn it at his eldest sister’s house, and played with her cats for a bit too long. The magic was taken away by his appearance, as Yuta knew he wouldn’t be caught dead on a date looking like this.

Jaehyun returned with both his and Yuta’s cold noodles. Yuta placed his phone down onto the table, as he had been inspecting his face with the front camera.

Although it was wintertime, the inside of the café was steaming hot due to the heating and people packed so closely inside, so both men had agreed on ordering the same dish of cold noodles topped with meat and vegetables.

Yuta dug in before Jaehyun, not realizing how hungry he had been until the food was right there in front of him. He didn’t notice the younger hadn’t begun eating until he looked up from his bowl, mouth full of noodles.

He swallowed, taking in Jaehyun’s pose. He was sitting with both arms behind his head, just watching Yuta eat. There was that weird smirk he used to do all the time when he was thinking something he shouldn’t. But for some reason, this smirk seems bigger than before. Jaehyun had certainly grown into his face, but it was a bit odd, even Yuta had to admit.

“Why aren’t you eating too?” Yuta asked after swallowing down the large bite he had taken.

“I was watching you.” Jaehyun spoke without any hesitation.

“Uhm,” Yuta grumbled, his face turning hot, “am I eating messy again?”

He felt embarrassed all of a sudden, wanting to hide away from Jaehyun’s prying eyes.

Yuta grabbed his phone quickly to check his face again, worrying now that he had food in his teeth or on his face. Jaehyun surprised him by holding out a napkin, and dabbing at Yuta’s cheek for him.

“Nothing big. Don’t you feel bad about it either, I know your mom gets after you for it, but I think it’s cute.” Jaehyun finally dug into his noodles after that, like nothing had happened once more.

Yuta was older than Jaehyun, yet Jaehyun sometimes liked to play like he was older. Yuta couldn’t decide if he liked that about him or despised that quality.

“Thanks.” Yuta responded stiffly. He wished that he could just sound cool and collected around Jaehyun, Instead of showing that he was flustered, he just buried his face back into his food, trying to do so in the hopes that Jaehyun wouldn’t expect them to stay on this topic anymore.

The silence is cut off by the sound of a ringtone that isn’t Yuta’s own. He watched as Jaehyun pulled his phone from his coat pocket, and answered. 

Yuta felt his stomach drop when Jaehyun’s face turned up into a smile.

“Jungwoo, you finally woke up huh?” He laughed, stirring his noodles as he holds his phone.

Yuta found himself wishing he would drop his phone into the bowl of cold noodles. Or the café owner would tell him he can’t use cell phones inside and kick him outside into the cold, forcing him to stand in the snow.

It was just plain rude. Sure, they hadn’t been in the middle of any conversation, but Yuta was right there. He hated the rising uncomfortable feeling that made his chest feel all tight and constricted, it was making him lose his appetite.

After what felt like forever, Jaehyun hung up, and put his phone back down.

Jaehyun didn’t speak or acknowledge him after that, which irritated Yuta further. He set his chopsticks down on the counter, no longer feeling hungry. 

“Jaehyun.” Yuta said, trying his best not to sound too formal or stiff. He narrowed his eyes at the younger, even though Jaehyun doesn’t even look up at him, busy with eating now.

“Hm?” Jaehyun kept on looking down, glancing back at his phone when it lit up with another notification again.

“What was that about?” Yuta chewed on his lip, trying to understand Jaehyun’s weird and stand-offish behavior that was so different from how he had been behaviving the past few hours.

Part of him wished Jaehyun would pick up on his sour mood already, and look up from his stupid cold noodles.

“What? The phone call? Jungwoo was just asking to meet me for dinner later, that’s all. I probably have to go back to my dorm and get ready soon.” Jaehyun just shrugged, placing his empty bowl on the counter, Yuta observed closely as Jaehyun reached up to remove his beanie, his unkempt hair falling into his eyes. When Jaehyun pushed his hair back with his elongated fingers, Yuta let a sigh fall out of his lips at the sight.

Still, even with all his godly looks, Yuta still felt crushed at his words, feeling himself shrink in his chair. It sounded like a real date to Yuta. He was no fool, he had been witness to many shared moments between Jaehyun and Jungwoo, even just on the basketball court. Yuta already had plenty of intrusive and paranoid ideas about the two of them together.

Jaehyun could’ve easily told Jungwoo he was busy. They can meet up anytime. But Yuta hardly had any time with Jaehyun now that school had started up again. He just wondered how much their relationship, or at least future one, mattered to him.

Yuta was tired of feeling misled. He didn’t want to be in this cycle anymore. He was sick and tired of feeling like this burden, this thing that Jaehyun only dealt with when he felt like it.

-

The first Friday dinner of the month rolled around. Yuta’s family was hosting this time. He wasn’t looking forward to it like usual.

He felt nervous, his stomach had already begun to do flips and he was unsure if he should go through with his plan to ignore Jaehyun and see what kind of reaction he got out of him. It wasn’t like that was hard to do, he was a pro at it, but he had gotten closer with him recently, and he was worried that this test would drive a wedge between them again.

But Yuta couldn’t help it. He was curious to see how it would affect Jaehyun’s pride. Or if he would care at all. Their last meeting had showed some of Jaehyun’s true colors, and Yuta felt taken for granted. He wanted to make things even, frankly.

If Jaehyun was going to treat him a certain way, then Yuta could too.

Before dinner, they’d usually sit in the foyer and drink fancy, overpriced alcohol and discuss the events of that week. Jaehyun and Yuta were usually holding back laughter whenever they made eye contact or shared a joke.

This time, Yuta sat with a noticeable distance from Jaehyun like he had when the dinners had first started. It felt too much like back then, but Yuta stayed put.

He underestimated how hard it was to ignore that familiar smile, seeing Jaehyun’s dimpled expression out of the corner of his eye.

Yuta quickly examined his nails, looking for something to do. He wasn’t even paying attention to whatever his sisters were rambling about.

“It’s weird not seeing you at the gym these past few weeks. Honestly, Jungwoo and I aren’t used to playing a match without you.” Jaehyun said. He was looking directly at Yuta, even though Yuta still wasn’t looking at him, facing forward.

“I had to help with house renovation details and stuff. My mom has been keeping me busy with it.” He spoke apathetically. It was only half the truth, while he had taken a lot of the boring and dull domestic duties due to his mother’s request, it hadn’t completely taken up all his time.

Yuta also felt a little pang in his chest at the mention of Jungwoo. He knew it meant that Jaehyun had been at the gym alone with Jungwoo, a close friend who happened to also be an omega. He couldn’t help the familiar jealousy he felt rising in his chest.

 _I’ve been such a fool,_ Yuta thought to himself. He wasn’t special to Jaehyun just because they had been to the gym alone together a couple times. Or because they had gone to lunch once. Clearly, the alpha would do that with just anyone. Yuta was a fool to make a big deal out of such small gestures. He was probably just as touchy with Jungwoo too, Yuta reminded himself.

They sat in silence until Yuta’s father came into the foyer, announcing that one of his business partners and his son would be joining them for dinner. Yuta had already known of this thanks to his mother, of course.

It was the Shim family, they had been over for dinner a couple times before. They owned a large company which produced medical devices. Yongsik Shim had been one of the doner’s to Yuta’s father’s campaign when he ran for office a couple years back, which had started the connection between the two families.

Yuta could recall some memories from when he was younger of having a bit of a crush on the son. He was tall, and lean, with tanned skin and wavy black hair. He had a great smile and had grown a bit of a beard now that he was older, Yuta noticed.

Yuta changed his expression from dark and dreary, to smiling and getting up to greet them politely.

He noticed Jaehyun’s eyes burning into the back of his head.

“It’s been so long, Yuta.” Changmin held onto Yuta’s hands a bit longer than most would, and Yuta appreciated the warm touch. “You look lovely.”

“Thank you, too generous as always.” Yuta glanced down, realizing they were still holding hands, and withdrew his own first.

They were now the only ones in the living room, apart from Jaehyun who hadn’t moved from the couch. It was kind of rude of him, to not get up and greet the guest right away.

Yuta turned to look at him, glaring at the alpha and trying to communicate without any verbal expression that he needed to get up and say hello.

Jaehyun seemed annoyed, but got up anyways. He still didn’t smile or bow, which Yuta thought was rather childish.

“Pardon, but you are..?” Changmin asked, after they had shaken hands without Jaehyun stating a word.

“Jung Jaehyun. My father is Jung Jaeyoon, I believe that he has held business with your father before.” Jaehyun spoke with an icy tone to his words, causing a slight tension to grow in the room. Yuta wondered if he was the only one noticing.

“I haven’t heard of him before but I’m sure I will after this fall. I’ll be taking over some more of my father's work as he plans for his retirement.” Changmin pursed his lips.

Yuta wanted to roll his eyes at Jaehyun’s ego. It was embarrassing. He knew that alphas could be competitive or whatever, but seeing it in action made Yuta stifle a laugh. This was the fool he was supposed to be proud to have as his future husband? He didn’t care for his behavior. At all.

Yuta made this even clearer by choosing to sit next to Changmin rather than Jaehyun, like usual Friday night dinners. He could tell from the look that his mother threw him that she’d probably be lecturing him on proper dinner party etiquette later. 

The older alpha was talking his ear off, and Yuta wasn’t really fully listening, just plainly tucking his hair behind his ear, perhaps to show off the newly purchased earrings he had bought, which were in fact, real gold.

Changmin was rambling on about some story of when he was in Japan and had accidentally gotten lost and had to stay in a second rate motel, which he preferred over his five star one, when Yuta observed his tie was a bit crumpled around his neck.

“Your tie looks messy,” Yuta spoke, ignoring his story, “Would you allow me to fix it for you?” He spoke softly, knowing most alphas had a thing for that.

“Ah, is it that obvious I did it myself? Didn’t have help from my valet like usual, he fell sick or something.” Changmin laughed, breaking into a wide smile.

Jaehyun scoffed a bit too loud. Yuta tried to resist glancing his way, but couldn’t help but notice Jaehyun had been silent ever since Changmin showed up. He wasn’t usually that talkative at dinner anyways, so Yuta tried to ignore it.

It killed him a bit inside to look at Jaehyun and not see that familiar smile looking back at him.

He pushed the thought away, and went back to the tie, letting out a soft giggle as his fingers adjusted the fabric. Changmin thanked him.

“Wouldn’t want you to walk around like that, what would people think?” Yuta grinned, aware that his attempts of flirting were becoming more and more blatant.

This comment seemed to be the last straw for Jaehyun, he stood up, setting his spoon down with a loud clunk.

“If you’ll excuse me. I have to take a quick call.”

Yuta turned to watch him leave, and didn’t miss the way Jaehyun’s fist was clenched at his side. Part of him wished he wasn’t so aware and educated on Jaehyun’s mannerisms, and didn’t notice when the slightest thing was off.

Jaehyun’s mother turned to watch her son leave, then threw his father a confused look. She was a woman who didn’t seem to expect much of her son, just that he followed his fathers wishes and was respectful. At least, from Yuta’s view of her. An awkward silence had hit the dinner table. Yuta could tell she was worried that her son had come off as rude. Yuta pitied her, feeling a twinge of guilt resonate deep down.

“Even I don’t leave dinner for business calls.” Changmin laughed, clearly trying to break the silence with his comment, which made the whole situation even more tense. 

“Jaehyun is busy these days. He’s applying for internships in New York. So, he has to take any call incase it’s an executive or a good offer.” Yuta couldn’t help but be defensive, if not for Jaehyun, then for his mother. He didn’t truly know much about her but she seemed rather upset, and Yuta wasn’t immune to that. 

“Right. Our son is working hard to become the best doctor he can be, like his father.” Jaehyun’s mother continued, forming a small smile for a moment before she went back to her soup.

Jaehyun’s behavior really was strange. Yuta hadn’t expected to actually get any kind of reaction from him. Jaehyun wasn’t the type to be so open with things like that. Plus, he had no right to feel like Yuta was betraying him in any way. Yuta had to watch him flirt with people at parties all the time. He had to watch him flirt with _Jungwoo_ , which just the thought of made Yuta’s stomach churn.

But somehow it was a problem when Yuta did? He wouldn’t have that.

They weren’t committed. The only thing that kept them in some sort of ‘union’ was the contract their parents had made up when they were infants. They didn’t owe each other anything right now.

He waited about five minutes, completely zoning out as Changmin told yet another self-centered story, before excusing himself to use the restroom.

He didn’t go to the restroom, of course, he went straight to the patio where he was sure he’d find Jaehyun.

“Jaehyun.” Yuta called, seeing him at the far end of the patio. He was leaning over the railing, his arms against the metal. He seemed angry.

Yuta took in his attractive, yet messy appearance. The bags under his eyes were still prominent, even with a bit of concealer to mask them. Yuta couldn’t help but want to hug Jaehyun, even with all the anger he felt towards him in that moment. He just looked exhausted. 

“You aren’t taking a call.”

“No.” Jaehyun muttered.

“Why’d you lie?” Yuta asked, coming closer.

“Just needed some air. It’s stuffy in there.” Jaehyun inhaled, standing up, like he was making his point.

“Is.. is something bothering you?” Yuta spoke, wide eyes confused and partially afraid. The scent in the air was unfamiliar, it had the slightest similarity to the last time Yuta had smelt the alpha, but it was much deeper and almost overwhelming, Yuta never smelled this odd scent on him, but it was alike to what Yuta assumed an alpha gave off when he was angry.

Or jealous.

Yuta didn’t like it one bit. He understood that Jaehyun was under a lot of stress, which could lead to him being easily irritated, but Yuta was also tired of Jaehyun’s dishonesties. 

“Do you think?” Jaehyun snapped at Yuta, running his hand through his hair, he had successfully ruined the gel that was keeping his hair up.

His pupils were blown a bit, and Yuta didn’t know how to respond to his angry tone.

“I’ll.. leave you alone then.” Yuta backed away from him, turning to go back inside where it was warm and he didn’t have to feel this weird sense of guilt.

“So you can go back to flirting with that guy?” Jaehyun called after Yuta, unexpectedly.

Yuta stopped. Jaehyun had crossed the line with that.

“Is that what is pissing you off?” Yuta was a bit taken aback.

“You don’t have the right to be angry about it. I don’t act this way when you flirt around. Or sleep around.”

“That’s different, Yuta. What I do is meaningless. I see how he looks at you. As another alpha, I can practically smell his thoughts. He wants you. As his mate.” He still had that crazed look in his eyes. Yuta hated the way he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up from it.

“No, he—he knows about the connection our family has.” Yuta hated how small his voice sounded now. “And—meaningless? I see how you are with some of your flings. It doesn’t look that meaningless to me.”

“Oh, you think he cares about that? He comes from a powerful family too. If he asked for your hand, he could probably get it with enough money.” Jaehyun had his teeth clenched as he spoke. Yuta didn’t miss how he ignored his last comment.

“I didn’t know I was this special to you. You know what you remind me of right now? You’re acting like a kid who saw a toy that they never play with getting played with by some other kid, and threw a fit.” Yuta laughed, spitefully.

This analogy seemed to piss Jaehyun off more, his lips drawn in a thin line.

“Does our engagement mean nothing to you? Are you willing to pursue other suitors?” Jaehyun questioned, sounding paranoid and suspicious as ever.

Yuta had never seen such deep and jealous emotions from Jaehyun, it was so unlike him to be all over the place like this.

Yuta wanted to tell him that he should be the one asking him that question, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “Jaehyun—“ Yuta tried, but was cut off by the younger’s continuous rambling.

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe it does make me angry to see another alpha looking at you like that,” Jaehyun paused, making sure to look Yuta directly in the eyes, “when I spend so much time trying to get us alone.”

“You—what?” Yuta’s breath hitched, not expecting the direct confession.

“When I’m alone with you, Yuta. It’s different. It feels different.” Jaehyun reached up, touching Yuta’s cheekbone with the back of his hand, gentle and subtle.

Yuta’s racing heartbeat quickened, not used to this feeling at all. There was an ache inside, a yearning, to be touched, and to be wanted by the other man. He leaned into the soft touch for a moment, before Jaehyun pulled his hand away. Yuta grew embarrassed.

“Yuta.” Jaehyun muttered, voice low and deep with worry.

Yuta hadn’t even noticed how he had closed his eyes as soon as Jaehyun had touched his face. Jaehyun was probably pitying him for being so touch-starved. He could see the slightest glimmer of regret twinkling in Jaehyun’s eyes, as his hand reached back up to touch Yuta’s face again, but this time Yuta shoved his hand away before he can.

“Don’t,” Yuta whispered, “Just don’t.”

He didn’t want to get his hopes up, even though Jaehyun’s words and touches were confusing him, he didn’t want to become swayed into thinking they meant anything more. Jaehyun just saw him as something that belonged to him, not as a romantic interest, Yuta reminded himself.

The door to the patio swung open and Jaehyun moved further away like he had been burned. Yuta tried to act like they hadn’t been in some heated argument, only because of the shocked expression his mother threw at them. He looked and saw his mother, her eyebrows high on her face with a stern expression across her face.

“Why are you both out here? We have guests.” She scolded. Yuta could always tell when she was truly angry because her tone became much stronger than the soft one she usually stuck to.

“Yuta came to get me, I got sidetracked. It’s my fault alone, mother. I’m sorry.”

Yuta was surprised at Jaehyun’s ability to spit so much anger towards him the one second, and then turn around and defend him. It was a rare occasion that he spoke up for anyone but himself. Yuta was wondering how well he truly knew Jaehyun.

“Right. Well, get back inside now.”

Yuta‘s heart felt tight, almost weighed down with this burden he was carrying. He wiped away the tear that had brimmed near the corner of his eye, taking a deep breath in. Yuta knew he had to get past this. He knew he couldn’t continue to allow himself to feel this way. 

-

Summer had come and gone quicker than expected. But it had still been eventful as ever.

The nights were short and the days were even shorter it seemed. Yuta had been focused his on finding a job back in May, and luckily in June, he had been able to find a job as an assistant coach at a men’s college sort of near the

He had found this job, through what he had thought had been Doyoung. But, later on he discovered that Doyoung had actually gotten him the position through his ex, Johnny.

Doyoung and Johnny were still friends, to Yuta’s knowledge, which did leave a bit of uncomfortable friction between the two of them. Yuta had no clue why Doyoung would entertain anyone as disloyal as Johnny. 

Yuta was understandably a bit pissed off that Doyoung had lied to him, but the younger insisted that it was only because he knew Yuta would’ve been quick to turn down the job if he hadn’t done so.

After a week or so, Yuta forgave him but he claimed it was only because he needed help moving into his new apartment.

Yuta did assistant coaching but sometimes the school made him teach classes as well, which was absolutely dreadful. But being at the college was sometimes inspiring. It made him miss learning, or having a real ambition in general.

He needed the job. To become sort of financially independent, but also because he needed the distraction. Yuta needed anything to distract him from the growing desire and wishful thinking that plagued his mind.

But more often than not, Yuta was sitting in his minimalistic, almost empty apartment eating some takeout on the floor because his couch still hadn’t been delivered. And it was August.

Doyoung usually kept him company, thankfully, as Yuta was unsure he could take anymore loneliness. He hadn’t lived alone since college, which was 3 years ago now, and he had made sure to come home every weekend back then.

Yuta had let Doyoung pick the tv show for that night, and the younger had chosen some soap opera style drama about young interns in a hospital. Yuta had thrown him the side eye for that.

“My legs are sore from showing a bunch of incompetent freshmans how to do leg drills all afternoon.” Yuta smiled, taking another heavy bite of his stir fry, straight out of the container.

“Employment will do that to you.” Doyoung grinned, then he glanced back down to the floor. Yuta can tell he’s about to ask a question that he knows Yuta won’t like to hear. Doyoung is always easy to read.

“Do you ever see Johnny around the school?”

Yuta smiled in an attempt to be reassuring, “Yes, as a matter of fact, he joined my lunch table twice this week.”

Doyoung gasps, “has he tried to talk to you?”

Yuta scoffed, “emphasis on tried. I won’t let him closer than 5 feet away.”

“Even that’s a bit close for you.” Doyoung muttered, and Yuta shoved at his shoulder as payback.

“Anyways, it’s weird seeing him again, but as long as he leaves me alone I really don’t care. I just wish you had told me.” Yuta was still giving Doyoung a hard time for that, even though he had forgiven him, Yuta wasn’t quick to forget. 

“Hyung, I promise it wasn’t intentional! He just brought the job up, and it sounded like the perfect fit for you.” Doyoung whined. 

Yuta just sighed, setting his takeout down onto the floor.

“I don’t know. Our relationship really didn’t end well. I had such bad trust issues near the end, I don’t think I ever resolved them.”

He began to think again about how only after Yuta and Johnny had come to their messy end last summer, did Jaehyun start talking to him and getting close to him again.

“Maybe you can become friends again. Like before you dated?” Doyoung clearly didn’t see how dumb he sounded, trying to see the bright side of things. 

Yuta rolled his eyes, “Do you realize how awkward it is to become casual friends with someone who knows you so intimately? You don’t just come back from it.”

Doyoung shrugged. “I probably could. But, you’re kind of putting gasoline on an old flame here, don’t you think?” He turned to look at Yuta, both of them ignoring the drama now.

“Hm. No, I don’t have that desire for him anymore. I got over that forever ago.” Yuta knew it sounded harsh, but deep down, he felt a tugging reminder of how he got over Johnny in the first place. It was when his _crush_ , or, _feelings,_ towards Jaehyun had first started to bloom, when he finally stopped feeling any signs of remorse or sorrow about his past relationship.

Even now, after not talking or seeing Jaehyun practically all summer, only once at a dinner before he had started the exhausting process of moving out. Yuta had given him the silent treatment despite Jaehyun’s failed attempts to patch things up, Yuta had reassured him that there was nothing to ‘patch up.’ Even after this, he still felt a fluttering feeling in his stomach when he thought of Jaehyun.

He tries to focus on the television but it took effort, hard effort, to push down the image of Jaehyun’s dimpled smile or smirk, his plump lower lip, elegant and long fingers, those sharp eyebrows. These were only a few of his features that Yuta constantly found his imagination fixated on. _Why did it have to be so hard?_

Meanwhile with Johnny, Yuta saw as someone that was done with. A past chapter in his life. They had been over for a long time. Johnny was the one who left for a job at an American college, only to return back to Korea less than a year later. Yuta didn’t feel any anger towards Johnny, just a bit of regret at how he had chosen to end things over the phone.

The one who was inside of his heart was Jaehyun. And Yuta was sure that it would stay that way. 

Yuta’s thoughts were met with a text, he grew reluctant to open the notification when he recognized the name. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aahhhh.... i’m dying to know what you guys think. was that good? or bad? thoughts? criticisms? i’m open to anything! remember, comments can help an author understand where to improve or what their readers would like to see. the next chapter will contain a wedding, but not for yuta and jaehyun. it’s going to get even messier!! 
> 
> p.s. i’m sorry about how awful jaehyun’s character seems rn, he’s got a long way to go but he’ll realize his mistakes and change later on too 
> 
> i hope you guys enjoy :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!! sorry it’s a bit late on the weekend but i actually decided to rewrite the chapter last minute bc i wasn’t happy with it :0 hope you guys enjoy!!

The season slowly but surely changed from summer to fall, leaves falling onto the ground to signify the change. The air wasn’t too cold, but enough that Yuta kept a scarf and gloves in his car just in case. 

He had kept himself occupied the past few weeks with work and painting his apartment kitchen and living room. There was a weird sense of freedom at being able to paint each room whatever color he wanted. At home, he had never been able to choose things like that, no matter how small. 

Yuta’s parents were still pretty upset with him for moving out, and avoiding Friday dinner at all costs, but Yuta reassured them that he was preparing for independent living. 

Things at work became easier when Yuta did everything he could to avoid Johnny. He had stopped eating in the teacher's lounge and instead would just eat alone in his car. 

Johnny had somehow managed to get ahold of Yuta’s number with his new phone and texted him asking to meet him for coffee. Yuta had blocked that number instantly, he didn’t need any explanation for Johnny’s actions, nor was he interested in hearing what he had to say. 

Away from work and back in his apartment, the nights are the worst, especially living alone. Every small sound kept Yuta alert and awake. He was a light sleeper, sensitive to any sounds. 

He had come up with a strategy, using his headphones to block out the sounds with music. He found some sanctuary, curled up under his blankets with mellow singing in his ears. The distraction helped sometimes, but other nights he tosses and turns, unable to keep his mind from intrusive thoughts. 

At night, Yuta dreams frequently. He guesses it’s his brain’s attempt at creating something enjoyable by distracting him from his reality with his imagination. 

There’s a frequent appearance of Jaehyun in his dreams, he seems to appear there one way or another, always sneaking in at the last moment, only for Yuta to see him for a flash of a second. He’s never able to be near him in his dreams, but he’s able to see him. 

Yuta assumes it’s the guilt taking over, but deep down, he feels it. 

The longing. 

  
  


-

  
  


Yuta found it a bit odd getting ready for dinner without a stylist, but at the same time, he enjoyed the ability to pick and choose how he wanted to style his hair or do his makeup. 

He went with a simple ponytail with a couple of loose strands because he found no point in spending too long on something like hair. 

Doyoung was there, of course, to help with the makeup, Yuta was no good at perfecting it. Taeil had tagged along too, but he was sitting on the new loveseat couch Yuta had bought instead of helping. 

Yuta had no problem leaving Doyoung and Taeil alone in his apartment, they were roommates at the university they attended together and Yuta knew it could get chaotic with multiple roommates and they needed the big open space to get away from it all. 

The sound of the bag of chips Taeil was eating echos from down the hall as Doyoung fusses over the sparkly eyeshadow that Yuta had attempted to place under his lid. 

He ends up looking pretty good after all the bickering, and Doyoung seems satisfied enough to give Yuta a reassuring pat on his stomach. 

“Now _this is_ a sexy look.” Doyoung nodded, seeming proud of himself. 

“What exactly do I need to look sexy for?” Yuta mocked, rolling his eyes at Doyoung’s self-satisfaction.

“Your pride,” Taeil added, walking into the room to examine the finished look as well, scanning Yuta up and down, “Those pants look good! Jaehyun is such an idiot to not be getting anywhere near that. A waste of ass, I hate to see it.” 

Doyoung pushed at Taeil’s shoulder, “Hey! That’s not what he needs to hear! We should be reassuring him.” 

Taeil pushed back at Doyoung, “I am! I just told him his ass looks good.”

Yuta just sighed deeply, “Should I be worried about leaving you two alone?” 

He left eventually after Doyoung had re-convinced him to go instead of making up another excuse. Yuta had already suspected the traffic would be bad, it was after rush-hour but nobody in the city knew how to drive properly. 

Soon enough, he arrived at a fancy restaurant inside of some hotel, Yuta had to take an elevator to the top floor. He examined his reflection in the mirrors, wiping off some of the gloss on his lips with his thumb, and buttoning the top two buttons of his shirt back up. Yuta knew he was worrying too much, but he felt overdressed for the occasion. His mother never approved of heavy eyeliner or sparkly clothing. 

The waitress took him to the private room after Yuta told her the party name, he felt eyes on him as he walked past the white-cloth tables, feeling self-conscious enough to want to hide. 

She opened the sliding door, then closed it again once he was inside. Jaehyun’s parents and Yuta’s parents were sitting silently, while Jaehyun sat next to an empty seat. 

“Ah, there he is.” Jaehyun’s mother was the first to break the silence. “Come sit, next to Jaehyun dear.” 

Yuta’s mother made a displeased face at his appearance, turning away without looking at him. He turned his face down to the floor, as his father didn’t acknowledge him either. 

Jaehyun stood up and Yuta almost expected him to walk out, but instead, he pulled the empty seat out and gestured for Yuta to sit. When Yuta didn’t move right away, Jaehyun walked over and took his hand, leading him to the seat and sitting him down. 

He wore a much nicer suit than Yuta’s leather jacket and sparkly button up, the suit was fitted and accentuated his chest muscles and arms underneath the suit jacket. Yuta wasn’t even wearing a tie. 

Yuta was unsure of what was happening, but he could tell they had been talking about something important before he walked in. It was always apparent when he walked into something he wasn’t meant to hear. 

Jaehyun was still holding Yuta’s hand when they sat down, Yuta came to realize. The younger man’s long fingers felt colder than usual. 

Neither of them looked at each other, both staring directly at the table rather than making eye contact. 

“How is your new apartment, Yuta?” Jaehyun’s mother asks, he can tell the question is forced on her end, so he looked at his parents for any direction before answering. 

She seemed nice on the outside as always, and her overall visual was similar to Jaehyun’s in a sense. The blunt sharpness of her cheekbones was the main thing that set them apart from each other, along with some features that Yuta could easily tell Jaehyun had gained from his father, like his nose and eyebrows. 

“It is nice, but pretty big and empty right now.” 

Jaehyun let go of Yuta’s hand, but his hand stayed to rest on Yuta’s knee. Yuta turned to see Jaehyun’s face, met with his side profile. He noticed his cheekbones had become more and more hallowed, and he wasn’t wearing any makeup, Yuta could tell from the slightest bit of redness around his nose and the natural dewy look of his skin. Those eye bags he had were even more prominent than when Yuta had last seen him. 

His shoulders were slouched down, another sign of exhaustion. Yuta’s heart ached and he yearned to see him smile or laugh again. 

“Your sister is engaged,” Yuta’s mother looked at him, lifting her small cup of tea off the table, “she’s already set her wedding date.” 

Yuta can tell the statement is with menace intent, instead of sounding overjoyed or even excited, she just sounds bitter. 

“We didn’t expect Hikaru to be the first one to get married. We always thought it would be Yuta.” His father finally spoke up, his arms crossed. He was wearing one of his dark suits, signifying he meant business. Yuta grew worried at the intentions his parents had for this dinner. 

“Look, we all know why we are here. And I know you might find us rude after tonight, but we have waited and waited. Yuta turned 23 this year, yet there isn’t even a date set. No engagement ring, no mark, nothing to signify that he’s claimed.” 

“Mother, please.” Yuta shook his head, seeing how Jaehyun’s parents had their jaws clenched now too. “Don’t be rude, it’s no one's fault, we—“ 

She held her hand up, signifying for Yuta to be quiet. Yuta’s mother had never been this way toward Jaehyun’s parents, for as long as their engagement had been set, she had always been an example of grace and politeness. 

“I’m sick and tired of wealthier families coming up to us at social gatherings, telling me that they have sons who would be _more_ than willing to claim him.”

“Mother!” Yuta shouted, exasperated now. He knew his parents were upset with how slow the engagement was moving, but he hadn’t realized how much they had caught on. 

“Be quiet, Yuta.” His father pushed his glasses up, continuing to nod in agreement with his mother’s every word. Oh how the tables had turned from when Yuta was a small child. 

Jaehyun had his head down, and Yuta could tell he was ashamed, or at least in deep thought, as his eyebrows were furrowed together. 

“The older that our son gets, the more engagement offers he will continue to get. I was always skeptical that they wouldn’t work, or be compatible due to their age difference.” Yuta was so surprised by his mother’s tone and harsh words that he could barely breathe, unable to watch the scene unfold before him. 

“I hear where you are coming from, but, you have to understand that my son does not have time to court him. He’s busy trying to become a surgeon like me. It’s no easy job, my wife knows very well. But she has been able to handle it, just like Yuta will.” Jaehyun’s father muttered his words in defense of his son, letting out a frustrated grumble after. 

“That’s not what I’m asking—“ Yuta’s mother starts again, her gaze grower colder by the second. 

“Enough. Tell me what I have to do, and I’ll do it.” Jaehyun spoke up finally, his voice hoarse and low, making both his father and Yuta’s mother fall quiet. Yuta noticed how he sounded sick and felt his heart hurting just a little bit more. 

Everyone turns to look at him, except Yuta, who is still staring at his mother. He knew that his distance and his decision to move out had made an impact on her, but he wasn’t aware it had affected her this deeply. 

He knew that avoiding his engagement wasn’t an option, nor was ignoring Jaehyun a solution. 

“You will decide on a date to get married, within a year.” Yuta’s father straightened his shoulders, holding his chin high. 

“You can’t do this to us, you can’t just make that decision for us—“ Yuta panicked, but was interrupted again. 

“Very well. We will decide on a date that works around our schedules.” Jaehyun cleared his throat after, not bothering to look at Yuta once. 

“Marriage isn’t a solution to the problem at hand. Part of the agreement was that Yuta would be mated, that the marriage would not just be one of convenience.” Yuta’s mother continued. 

“Then I will court him, as long as he agrees with it as well.” Jaehyun stood his ground, not backing down for once.

“Let us take our time with this, as it’s our and our feelings business too.” 

Yuta was unsure of what game he was playing here, if Jaehyun was just saying all of this to get them off his back, or if he was genuine about his claims. Yuta couldn’t trust it. 

When Yuta doesn’t answer right away, his mother stares directly at him, her eyes piercing through him. 

“Yes, I agree.” Yuta mumbled, unable to look up at any of them again. 

Their parents continued to talk, but Yuta didn’t speak for the rest of the evening. Jaehyun seemed too tired to form a conversation, so Yuta remained quiet. 

Like always. 

  
  


-

Hikaru had invited both Yuta and Doyoung over for lunch. 

Unlike the majority of his family, his eldest sister didn’t mind hanging out with people who weren’t born from a silver spoon family and didn’t have status. It was one of the few qualities they shared. 

“Just sit and look pretty there.” Doyoung led Yuta back over to the table after he had attempted to help with cooking and somehow dumped a whole bag of carrots out onto the floor. 

“You guys are so mean!” Yuta called into the kitchen. 

After they had finished cooking, Yuta had gotten up to help bring the plates in, despite their jokes about Yuta dropping the food. 

“I don’t appreciate these comments, I’ve totally improved my cooking skills since I started living alone,” Yuta whined out, taking a bite of the potato pancake. 

“You should still take a cooking class, before you are married, at least.” Doyoung giggled, and Hikaru joined in. 

His older beta sister had always been one to tease at Yuta’s expense, but Yuta knew it was out of love deep down. He smiled along with them. 

“Good thing you’re marrying rich too,” Hikaru added, “bet you can get a top chef to give you private lessons with your _heart surgeon_ husband’s money.” 

“That’s enough!” Yuta exclaimed, his cheeks blushing and his neck getting hot. 

“Yuta always panics anytime Jaehyun is brought up, you see,” Doyoung whispered to Hikaru as if Yuta wasn’t sitting right across from him. 

“Ah, I know, he’s been that way forever. He’s secretly obsessed.” 

Yuta groaned, burying his face in his knees. “Can we change the subject, pretty please? You guys are putting me off my food.” 

“So dramatic, always.” Hikaru ruffles at Yuta’s hair and he bats her hand away. 

They did end up changing the topic, switching to a conversation about fights they had with their siblings when they were younger, it was funnier to see how different Hikaru and Yuta’s different perspectives on how the stories went. 

Yuta observed how Doyoung kept taking selfies every time both Yuta and Hikaru were busy bickering. He was playing on his phone a lot lately, causing Yuta to wonder if his best friend had a new beau that he was not telling him about. 

Anytime love life was brought up lately, it had strictly been about Yuta’s twisted dynamic with his fiancé or complaining about his ex returning. Yuta made a mental note to interrogate his best friend about it later on. 

He catches a glimpse of his sister’s diamond engagement ring, glancing down at his own bare ring finger. He pushes down the sense of jealousy at it. It wasn’t easy to see how others were so easily claimed by their lovers. 

Yuta wondered if he would ever have that. 

-

It was easy to say that it hadn’t been his week. 

Yuta had been unable to use his car to get to work and had been taking the public bus to get to work on time. He knew some who would certainly consider it a downgrade from the personal drivers his parents had raised him with, but Yuta knew plenty of college students who used it. Yuta felt mundane doing so, almost normal. 

It was around 4:40 and practice had finished, Yuta was doing one-on-ones with any of the players who needed help or had extra questions when he spotted a group of them huddled over by the edge of the field that cut back to the parking lot. 

“What is a sports car doing here?” One of the boys asked, “Probably some rich guy picking someone up from classes.” They all snickered. 

Yuta jogged over to them, pushing through the small group. 

He’s met with the sight of Jaehyun leaning against _one_ of his sports cars, bright red, with a slight smile across his face. It was a sleek Porsche, Yuta recalled now. He was not wearing a suit like the last time they’d seen each other, but instead, he wore a black leather jacket and sunglasses which gave him a laid back look. 

Yuta considered turning back towards the field and ignoring him, but there was no use in it now. He guessed the younger had obtained the information for Yuta’s work hours and the address for the college from his mother. He was, however, unaware of the reason Jaehyun had for showing up. 

His soccer players finally made the connection, glancing at Yuta before they all started cheering. 

“Is he your alpha?” One of them gawked, covering his mouth quickly after. 

“We didn’t know you had such a cool guy driving you around. Can we have a ride too?” Another one asked. 

Yuta ignored their commentary and his mortification, his cheeks flushed with a pink hue. He made his way down the sidewalk, his duffel bag over one shoulder and one hand in his pocket. 

“Hey,” Jaehyun grinned, “You’re a big coach now, huh?” 

“Shut up.” Yuta tried not to smile, “Why are you here?” 

“I heard about your car troubles, and I came to your rescue,” Jaehyun speaks as if his purpose there is obvious. 

“To _my_ rescue—I don’t need your help. I have no problem taking the bus home.” 

“Anyways,” Jaehyun cleared his throat, still cooley leaning against the car with his arms crossed, “do you like the car?” 

Yuta just gawked at the cockiness, he knew it was mostly an attempt to make Yuta laugh, but he played the arrogant part so well. It was doing strange things to Yuta. 

He thought back to a conversation they had about cars a couple of months ago at one of their mandatory dinners when Yuta had brought up his preference for racing cars. 

Jaehyun moved off the car, getting closer to Yuta’s face, a smirk tugging at his lips, one eyebrow raised. He was still wearing those expensive sunglasses, which gave him a more mysterious vibe. 

Yuta’s breath hitched in his throat as Jaehyun reached up to tuck one of the loose strands from his ponytail back in, a small gesture but enough to leave Yuta just the slightest bit flustered. 

Jaehyun slipped his bag from him, opening the back door and tossing it in. 

“Let’s go for a ride.” 

  
  
  


-

  
  


The ride to Yuta’s apartment felt rather stuffy in the car. Yuta figured it was due to being in a secluded place with an alpha. It always made the air feel hotter and it felt harder to breathe properly. It was natural as an unmated omega. 

When Jaehyun placed his hand on the back of Yuta’s headrest to back out of the parking spot, Yuta had stiffened up, and he was sure that Jaehyun had noticed, letting out a small laugh at Yuta’s nervous acts. 

“Do you like your job?” Jaehyun asked, sounding less hoarse and sick than the last time they had met, which was a good sign.

“Yes, actually, it’s like I never stopped playing.” Yuta looks out his window at all the big buildings passing by. 

“I watched you for a bit, and you’re still as good as you were back then too,” Jaehyun mutters, turning to look at Yuta now that they were at a stoplight. 

“You’d know, wouldn’t you.” Yuta doesn’t mean to sound so passive-aggressive with his words, but he does anyways. 

“I would,” Jaehyun says, owning it completely.

The air grows hotter in the car, as they both fall silent again. 

Yuta glanced down at where Jaehyun’s phone is set in the console, as two more notifications pop up, illuminating the screen. He can’t help himself from reading the display name. 

_Jungwoo._

_Of course._

There was no getting around Yuta’s suspicions, he couldn’t escape the hot pit of envy and jealousy that grew whenever he even thought about Jungwoo with Jaehyun. 

“So, was this your attempt at courting?” Yuta asked when they finally pulled into the parking garage of his apartment complex. 

“Sorry?” Jaehyun asked, finally removing the damn sunglasses now that they were indoors. 

“I asked, is this your way of ‘courting,’ me. Like you said at dinner?” Yuta blurted out. He felt that there was no point in ignoring or avoiding confrontation anymore. 

“Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.” Jaehyun just shrugs, opening his car door to get Yuta’s bag out from the backseat for him. 

Yuta sighed deeply as he unbuckles his seatbelt, exasperated with Jaehyun’s mixed signals once more. 

“What does that even mean, Jaehyun?” Yuta walked to the other side, grabbing his bag from him. 

“Do you want it to be?” Jaehyun seemed to be trying to read his expression, his eyes focused on Yuta's face. 

Yuta crossed his arms, feeling conscious about the bare skin exposed by his tank top. 

“Well. Maybe I do. And maybe I don’t.” Yuta bitterly responded, trying to give him a taste of his own medicine. 

“Thanks for the ride.” Yuta turned on his heels, the plastered cold expression on his face falling as soon as he wasn’t facing Jaehyun anymore. 

Yuta swears he hears the shuffling of footsteps behind him for a moment and almost turns around, but as soon as he enters the elevator, he sees the Porsche peel out of the garage in a hurry. 

He scoffed to himself. _Did he really expect Jaehyun to chase after him?_

  
  


-

  
  


Yuta found his eldest sister’s decision to hold her wedding on the same day as Christmas a bit over the top, but she had always been the golden star of the family. It was to be expected of her to be a little bit extra. The wedding ceremony was held in the city, at some beautiful, old church. 

The inside had colorful panels of glass and had been decorated with his sister’s choice of gardenia bouquets, a flower which Yuta had informed her would suit a _summer_ wedding much better, but she ignored it, simply reminding Yuta that he’d have his wedding one day, and was more than welcome to have it during the summer. 

Due to Hikaru’s beta status, she didn’t need to have a marriage of convenience, even though she was the eldest. She had married for love. Yuta would be lying if he said he didn’t crave her ability to choose. Her husband seemed like he’d made a nice enough addition to the family, he was no lawyer or doctor, just a simple baseball player. 

The reception hall was decorated with sparkling lights and ruffled white ribbons. Yuta found it a bit tacky, but still romantic themed enough. Weddings, since he could remember, had always made him feel a bit nervous. He knew it was meant to be the happiest day of someone’s life, but so much could go wrong in the preparation, there could be a mishap with the cake order or the number of tables arranged, the perfect venue could be booked on the day of. He only dreaded all the anxiety of planning and preparing. 

He was naturally a sensitive person, rather open with his emotions even if he denied it, but Yuta hadn’t been prepared for the tears that welled over as he watched his eldest sister share her vows, both her and her lover wrapped in a loving gaze. 

It was heart-warming to see such a display of love. That was what marriage was meant to be about after all. Sharing love between each other so strongly that you wish to share vows spend the rest of your lives with each other, for all your loved ones to see.

The day had faded into nighttime, and it was dark outside now as guests mingled in the reception hall and soft piano played continuously, drowned out by most of the loud chatter. 

Yuta was one of the only people still sitting, he had gotten up a few times to greet some of his aunts, and his grandmother, but that was it. He just simply wasn’t in the mood. 

Maybe it was the anxiety that was slowly creeping in on him, knowing his mother’s warning that Jaehyun and he would need to be married before the year ended. 

Yet it was Christmas. 

Yuta knew Jaehyun was there too, but they had both avoided each other like crazy. The two of them had been forced to stand next to each other for the wedding pictures, but Yuta hadn’t been near the young alpha since. 

He took it as a sign that there would be no proposal that night, for which he could be thankful for, he would never be able to forgive Jaehyun if he proposed at his sister's wedding to get it over with. Yuta hated those kinds of proposals, it took away from the joy of the couple, he found it so rude. Weddings were already ridiculous enough, adding another proposal on top would seem insane. 

Yuta didn’t know if there would be a proposal from him at all.

At least he knew he looked good, if nothing else. Yuta wore a lilac colored shirt, with loose fabric. It had long sleeves and he liked how it complimented his newly auburn-brown hair, which was styled back thankfully with a few bobby pins. 

Yuta eventually went back up to the open bar to get a refill on his vodka tonic, growing tired of his pondering on his relationship problems. 

Looking back over the crowd, mostly at the people gathered around the tables and crowded dance floor, Yuta felt his heart skip a beat as he noticed a familiar face in the crowd. 

_No way,_ He thought to himself, _there’s_ _absolutely no way._

The ceremony had been large for sure, and the reception hall was wide to fit all the guests into one room. Yuta doubted that he could count the number of guests if he tried. 

He spotted no one other than Johnny Seo and did a double-take several times. He was sure it was some kind of mirage, but Yuta wasn’t even that drunk. He had no idea what the hell his ex could be doing at his sister's wedding. 

Fiery rage began to consume his thoughts, he glared directly at Johnny who was talking to one of his cousins, Yuri. He had no right at all, to be there. 

The back of his neck grew sweaty, his heart pounding in his chest. What kind of intentions did he have showing up there? When they dated, they had both agreed that they came from different worlds, and to avoid clashing in them. 

The more Yuta thought about it, the less it made sense that he would be there. Hikaru didn’t know about his existence either, or at least, she wasn’t supposed to. 

He couldn’t stand and stare any longer, Yuta made his way over to them, forgetting his drink at the bar. 

Johnny looked over Yuri’s shoulder, making direct eye contact with him. 

Yuta felt his throat clench at the sight. 

Johnny bid Yuri goodbye, brushing her arm with far too much friendliness, before he moved to meet halfway, cutting the distance between them. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Yuta growled out. 

Johnny had his hair slicked professionally, he was wearing a suit too, it was grey, and fit his tall frame well. 

“Nice to see you too. How are you by the way?” Johnny gleamed, gently tilting his head. 

“Answer the question, I swear to god Johnny—“ 

“Calm down, this is why I wanted to meet you a couple of months ago. You should’ve taken my offer.” Johnny grinned. 

“You can’t expect me to be calm, you showed up at my sister's wedding. With no goddamn warning.” Yuta continued to curse, seeing nothing but blind rage. 

“I can explain, let’s go out into the hallway, but first you have to promise you’ll stay civil.” His tone was almost mocking, which he had no right to speak that way to Yuta anymore. 

“What makes you think I want to go talk anywhere with you?” Yuta hissed, his jaw was still tight. 

“Because,” Johnny leans down, almost to a whisper, “you’re drawing attention to us. By making a scene. You still don’t want your parents to see, right?” 

Yuta grew paranoid, glancing back over to across the room where the tables with his parents and close family were. They were preoccupied with talking and didn’t seem to spot Yuta. 

“Fine. But only for five minutes. You can explain why you’re here in five minutes.” 

“Deal.” Johnny said, gesturing for Yuta to lead the way through the crowd. 

The hallway was significantly colder but less noisy than inside. It was also empty, which helped Yuta feel less paranoid about being seen with Johnny, but still, he glanced over his shoulder and around the corner to double-check. 

“What? Worried someone will see?” 

“Yes. In case you forgot, I’m engaged.” 

“It’s easy to forget that. You don’t exactly act like it,” Johnny glanced down at Yuta’s hand, “and he still hasn’t put a ring on it. He can’t be mad at you for us, then, huh.” 

“You don’t know me. Or what I want. And there is no ‘us,’ anymore, Johnny,” Yuta spoke lowly in defense, “Get a grip.” 

“Look, I understand your anger, Johnny sighed, “I’m not here to cause trouble. I was invited because I’m friends with the groom, okay, I know it sounds far fetched, but we go way back. I met Hikaru at dinner a few months ago and when she talked about her younger siblings, I remembered how you said you had an older sister and a younger one. I knew it wasn’t a coincidence. Plus, how many other Nakamoto Yuta’s live in Seoul.”

Yuta eyes him up and down, he knew it would be pretty hard to come up with such an elaborate lie. But it was hard to just believe it. 

“Anyways, that’s why I wanted to meet up. I don’t have bad intentions here, Yuta. I just thought you would have appreciated a warning, to avoid an altercation like this, but, too late now.” Johnny shrugged. 

“Right,” Yuta collected himself, “Well—“

“I never wanted to hurt you. And I still don’t.” Johnny interrupted him, coming closer than the couple feet of distance Yuta had set between them. The gaze he has on Yuta’s face feels powerful enough to burn through him. 

“Maybe you should’ve thought about that before you went and slept with someone else while we were on a ‘break.” Yuta snapped, seeing the painful wince that shows up on Johnny’s face. 

“Yuta, I wish you’d let me explain, that wasn’t what you think—“ 

“Enough.” Yuta sighed, “I’ve heard this all before. I don’t need to hear it again.” 

“Goodbye again, Johnny.” Yuta slipped back into the reception hall before Johnny can say more. 

He dipped back into the crowd, knowing that the taller man was probably following him close behind. Yuta swiftly moved around the dancefloor, trying to get back to his table. 

“Yuta!” A voice calls in the crowd, clearly Johnny’s.

He feels his heart drop in his stomach, he swore there was no way that they didn’t hear that even with the loud music the DJ was playing now. It was too noticeable. 

He doesn’t do it again, thankfully, but Yuta is still met with sweaty palms as he sits back in his chair. He combed his hair with his fingers, anxious that he was disheveled, one of his bobby pins had fallen out of his hair somewhere, but Yuta had no desire to try to find it. 

He glanced over to the table where his parents were seated with his grandparents, then out onto the dancefloor where his sister, who had changed into a shorter and more comfortable dress since Yuta had been gone, was dancing with the groom. They looked happy. 

His attention was caught again as Jaehyun appeared, seemingly from nowhere, the alpha had a grim expression on his face. He was walking over to Yuta’s parents, as Yuta’s mother beckoned him with her hand. 

He watched as his mother whispered something to him, both of them looking right at Yuta as they did. 

“God, what now,” Yuta whispered to himself. He was thankful that his sister seemed to be happy because that was truly the only good thing about the entire occasion. 

Jaehyun wore a black suit jacket that his broad shoulders filled out well, his hair wasn’t styled, probably due to a lack of time, but his brown locks were at least a bit more trimmed than usual, so it didn’t fall into his eyes, but instead it was parted to the side. 

Yuta hated how observant he was of every little detail when it came to Jaehyun. 

The alpha’s scent surrounded him as he leaned down to Yuta’s level. Strong notes of peppermint filled his nose again. 

“Your mother wants us to dance together,” Jaehyun spoke flatly, breath against Yuta’s neck. 

“Are you engaged to her, or me?” Yuta joked, yet there was no sign of humor on his face. 

“Yuta. Please, just come with me.” Jaehyun said. 

“Fine.” 

Just then, the music switches to a softer piano ballad. Yuta glanced to see his mother next to the DJ, indicating just as he thought, she was behind it. 

“You any good at slow dancing?” Yuta allowed the skeptical tone to slip through his voice. He felt awfully unsure about dancing with him.

“Yes.” Jaehyun’s voice is deep and serious. 

It was awkward, the way Jaehyun takes his hand in his own and allows the other hand to grasp at Yuta’s waist. Yuta reluctantly holds onto Jaehyun’s toned shoulder with his free hand. His touch was much lighter than Jaehyun’s gripping one. 

Jaehyun’s eyes seem ignited, Yuta can’t figure out why, but he smells distraught. It was an easy scent to read, plus he was showing it through his body language and short words as well. 

Even with his hand tightly holding at Yuta’s waist and lower back so that they could dance properly, he still held his fingers gently enough so that it didn’t hurt. The touch felt strong, and it was strange for Yuta. Foreign. 

“You smell like someone. An alpha.” Jaehyun whispered against the skin behind Yuta’s ear, pulling him closer by that tight grip on his waist. 

“No. I don’t,” Yuta lies on impulse, “You must be smelling someone else.” 

“I know your scent Yuta. I know it better than you think.” Jaehyun replied, his face softening enough that Yuta can look at him without feeling immediate shame. 

“I don’t believe you.” Yuta’s vision grows blurry, suddenly overwhelmed with his emotions. He didn’t want to be having this conversation on a dance floor. 

“Why?” Jaehyun questioned, only letting go of Yuta’s waist to spin him once. Their voices were hushed enough that the words they shared could only be heard between them. 

Yuta is unable to hide his gasp when the hand pulled him closer, nearly flush against Jaehyun’s chest, his strong hand on Yuta’s lower back. 

“Because. Why would you care enough to memorize my scent? Not when you have a lover of your own.” 

Jaehyun turned him around again, another spin, this time the sway of their feet ends up with Yuta having his back pressed to Jaehyun’s chest, still holding his hand in his own. 

“I don’t have a lover. You assumed that on your own.” Jaehyun’s low voice seems to have more authority coming from behind. 

He spun Yuta back around, their feet swaying together, not once missing a step or resulting in stepping on the other’s foot. 

“I see how you are with him.” Yuta avoided any eye contact with Jaehyun, not wanting to see the look he received. 

“Yuta. You are my fiancé.” Jaehyun leaned down to whisper against his neck this time, far too close to Yuta’s unmarked scent gland. 

“I—You can’t just say that when you want, you can’t just come around and confuse me whenever you want and then continue to behave like we are strangers. It doesn’t work that way, Jaehyun.” He had begun to fear he said too much, as Jaehyun remained frozen at his neck. Yuta made a noise of frustration at Jaehyun’s nose almost brushing against the scent gland on his neck. 

He was close. Too _close._

“Stop. People are looking at us.” Yuta felt himself become aware of the onlooking eyes, they were one of the only couples dancing on the floor still. 

“You don’t want to be seen like this?” Jaehyun asked, and his dark eyes sharply pierced into Yuta’s, and Yuta gripped tightly to his shoulders upon instinct, the omega deep inside forcing him to return the possessive nature. 

“Jaehyun,” Yuta breathed, “You saw him, didn’t you? This is why you’re acting this way.” 

It was the only logical explanation. If Jaehyun had spotted Johnny, it was possible that the alpha, one who he knew had been intimate with Yuta, caused him to grow territorial. There were no emotions involved, Yuta knew better than that. 

“Your ex?” Jaehyun asked, but not as a question, “I saw him. And when the two of you walked out together. Why did you even let him talk to you?” 

Yuta wished to hide away, knowing that the only reason Jaehyun got this way was purely from jealousy and obligation. It was the only time he seemed to want Yuta. 

“Because, like adults, I had to at least allow him to explain why he was here. And he knows the groom, so that’s why.” Yuta insists, his voice becoming a bit louder. 

“He should be _ashamed,_ to even show his face around you, after everything.” Jaehyun just furrowed his eyebrows, glaring.

If Yuta didn’t know Jaehyun so well, he’d probably feel intimidated by his strong tone and words. But Yuta knew it must look odd to the onlookers, he exhaled. 

He looked over his shoulder, thankful he could do so due to his shoe insoles. Yuta spotted his mother, her face stern and her hand hovering above her necklace. 

Yuta knew what he had to do. 

Softly, he reached his hand up, hand hovering over Jaehyun’s face before he let his fingers grace his cheek, cupping his face with his free hand. 

Jaehyun’s glare faded away, and his scent became calmer as well. The boyish smile that Yuta knew well returned. Yuta had no way of knowing if it was just their body chemistry talking, or if he actually had the slightest bit of impact on Jaehyun’s natural emotions. 

“I’m just sorry, Hyung. I—just don’t want you to feel that kind of pain ever again. I saw how you were after the breakup. You didn’t deserve to feel that way.” Jaehyun’s tone became less threatening as he spoke, but his close grip on Yuta remained the same. 

Yuta nodded gently, “I know. Thank you.” The tension seemed to fade away, and it became comfortable enough between them that Yuta leaned his head onto Jaehyun’s shoulder. 

“I want to make sure you never feel that kind of betrayal or pain ever again. I promise I’ll do my best to treat you well, from now on.”

The two of them were almost the last two people out on the dancefloor, yet it felt like they were the only two people there at that moment. 

He wanted to believe with every bone in his body that what he was saying could be true. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaa! thoughts? complaints? i look forward to your comments always guys, i appreciate all the comments i got last time! it means so much. 
> 
> what do you guys think about johnny’s character? is he too mean? as always, thank you!! hope you guys enjoy the next chapter too.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! chapter 4 is finally here and was around 9k i think lol, got carried away. hope you guys enjoy though! updates might become slower as i’ve fallen a bit behind with schoolwork, but i’ll do my best to keep up with this story. thank you all for the love and support you’ve given it. i wasn’t expecting it at all.

Yuta felt as if the days between Christmas and New Year’s eve faded together. 

He hadn’t gone out to celebrate on New Year’s, like most years before, but had stayed home instead. He felt the slightest bit of regret when he saw the social media posts from his friends. 

Yuta just simply wasn’t in the mood to be around people. Let alone big crowds of people. He went out shopping by himself a lot, and occasionally hung out with Doyoung or his older sister, but that was it. 

Before he knew it, it was the middle of January. Soccer season was obviously out of season, so Yuta had no occupation. It was sort of lucky that he had funds left over to live off of. 

The only significant event that occurred over the break was agreements for the wedding date had finally been made over the past few weeks. After a week or so of discussion, their parents had come up with a date set in place for the wedding. 

Unlike the plan that Jaehyun had first proposed with them choosing it, their parents had no qualms about choosing it since they failed to settle on a date before the new year. 

June 22nd was the date. Yuta didn’t hate it, but he didn’t love it either. It hadn’t been their decision like he had hoped. It was a bit upsetting, Yuta thought, to have your parents decide your wedding date even in an arranged marriage. 

It had also been too long since Yuta had seen Jaehyun at his sister’s wedding now, and Yuta felt embarrassingly _needy_ for the presence of Jaehyun. He misses the sound of his warm and soft voice, his laugh, his dimpled smile. But Yuta didn’t possess courage to talk to him first. 

He was hoping to at least see him again to help with some of the wedding planning, but it seemed like Yuta would begrudgingly be taking up most of the duties. 

His mother had asked him to show up for dinner at the Jung household a little bit earlier than normal to pick out some color schemes with Jaehyun’s mother and to help discuss who they should hire to do most of the event coordinating. 

A couple hours had passed which had felt like the longest time of his life, and Yuta truly found little interest in worrying over every tiny detail.

He was trying his best to stay composed in front of Jaehyun’s kind mother, but he was unsure how well his act was going now that he was hungry and tired of discussing the wedding. 

Yuta had part of his bangs pulled up into a ponytail in order to keep the longer strings of hair out of his eyes. He wasn’t wearing the cutest outfit, but he didn’t really care. It was a simple grey sweater with some black jeans, nothing special. 

“Why are you dressed like you woke up 20 minutes ago?” His mother scolded him for the outfit once Jaehyun’s mother, was finally out of the room. 

“Does it really matter? It’s not like I have to seduce him at this point or anything. The date has been set.” Yuta shrugged. 

His mother scoffed, “I worked hard just to get a date set, Yuta. Jaehyun promised at the last dinner that he’d make a claim for you. So yes, I expect more from you.” 

Yuta was confused at how hard she was pushing for the wedding now, originally, she has never been so forceful. She had been the reasonable one whilst his father had been the one insisting that the union was set in stone. 

He hears the sound of footsteps, and blinks in surprise to see Jaehyun walking into the living room with his mother following close behind, his coat in her arms. 

Jaehyun definitely looked more presentable for dinner, Yuta didn’t understand how he could come from his classes dressed so nicely. He wore a silk button up shirt, all black, with slacks. His hair was done up finely with gel. 

“He came early today.” His mother beamed excitedly, and Yuta glanced between either of them. 

“Hello.” Yuta blurted out, closing the seasonal wedding magazine he had been reading. He stood up, upon some strange instinct. 

“Hi,” Jaehyun breathed out with ease, “Can we go out to the balcony?” 

Yuta felt his stomach churn, nerves getting the best of him, and nods. 

“Stealing him away so soon?” Yuta’s mother seems pleased, her smile lines showing ever so slightly. 

“We won’t be long, mother.” Jaehyun said, always polite as ever with her. It did strike Yuta that Jaehyun had always used formal speech with his parents even before they were fully engaged. 

Yuta watched as Jaehyun took his dress coat back from his mother, and made his way out to the balcony. Jaehyun is a bit taller than Yuta, especially when Yuta isn’t wearing his insoles, but normal shoes with a much smaller heel to them, Yuta noticed. He made a mental note to remember them on his wedding day. 

The wind outside is bitterly cold and Yuta internally curses himself for not grabbing his coat as well. The sweater he had on did little to keep him warm. 

“Ah, Yuta,” Jaehyun mutters, looking down at his feet, “I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you after your sisters wedding, but stuff got busy again. It’s really not my intent to be so distant.” Jaehyun spoke with his hands in his pockets, and Yuta was a bit put-off by his strangely nervous behavior. 

“It’s okay,” Yuta commented, quickly trying to hide the chattering of his teeth, “I know how hard what you’re trying to accomplish in such a short time must be.” 

Jaehyun makes a tiny frown, clearly catching on to Yuta’s shivering. Without a word, he removes his long dress coat, and hangs it over Yuta’s shoulders.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, hyung, but how can you be so forgetful with something as important as a winter coat?” Jaehyun chuckled. 

Yuta is surprised by the romantic gesture, placing his arms into the sleeves. Any other day he would’ve batted the offer away and insisted that Jaehyun keep the coat, but the temperature was especially unforgiving and Yuta had no choice but to accept. 

Alpha’s tended to run warm, and some of Jaehyun’s body heat lingered in the coat, which felt comforting to Yuta. The _scent_ was also naturally appealing to him. There were few things an Yuta liked better than to be wearing something with a person’s unique scent on it. 

Especially one that Yuta found attractive. 

“I wanted to make this more special. I—had a plan and everything too, but with the date being this summer already, I just want you to have it already.” 

“Jaehyun—“ Yuta rushed out, confused by the younger’s ominous words, he was going to protest and insist that he didn’t need a claim from the alpha, and it really wasn’t that important. 

The words were taken from his mouth when Jaehyun grabbed his hand, Yuta felt his face growing hotter at the attention, even in the cold weather. 

Jaehyun stared deep into his eyes, not breaking the eye contact as he lowered himself down in front of Yuta, onto one knee. 

_Oh god,_ Yuta thought, _this is really happening._

“So I thought, I might as well get down on one knee to give you the ring. Even if we are unconventional as ever.” Jaehyun let out a small laugh, carefully slipping the box out with one empty hand, and opening it. 

Yuta tried his best not to show the slight trembling in his fingers as Jaehyun slipped it on to his finger. The ring was a bright silver band with a circular shaped diamond in the middle. It was simple, but Yuta is unable to stop staring at it anyways. 

It was less about the appearance of it, or how expensive it was, none of that really mattered to him. What mattered was that Jaehyun had bought it with the intentions that Yuta would be viewed as _taken_ when he wore it, with the thought that it would have a meaning to it. A symbol of their engagement. 

“It looks lovely on you,” Jaehyun murmured, still on one knee, “Do you like it?” 

It’s Yuta’s turn to laugh awkwardly now, “You aren’t even going to pretend to ask? Get up from the ground, Jaehyun.” 

Yuta helps him up, knowing the cold had probably been a part of the reason he wasn’t moving. Neither of them could contain their laughter. To Yuta, it felt like they were little kids playing pretend. 

“Don’t have to worry about you now. I’ve put a ring on it.” Jaehyun smiled wide, his dimples showing. 

“Do you think a ring will stop me? You’ll have to buy me more than that.” Yuta laughed light-heartedly, still holding on to Jaehyun’s hand.

“Oh, I assume I’ll be buying you much more than that tiny thing in the future.” Jaehyun kept going with the joke, and Yuta retracted his hand from Jaehyun’s larger one. 

“Shut up! I swear, everyone acts like I’m the gold digger when I’m older. And my estate is probably bigger than yours.” 

“Maybe it’s a different type of sugar daddy relationship. They don’t know.” Jaehyun shrugged. 

“Quit flattering yourself.” 

Their eyes again meet finally, both of their smiles fading slowly. 

“Is it really okay?” Jaehyun sounds serious again, lifting Yuta’s hand up to examine the ring himself. 

“Yes, Jae, it’s beautiful.” Yuta smiled at how Jaehyun reacted pleasantly to the nickname, “You really didn’t have to.” 

“I know. But I wanted to. I made a promise, after all.” 

Yuta almost lifted his hand to touch Jaehyun's face, but his hand falls against his shoulder instead, patting him there awkwardly. 

The cold became too much to handle, and they both hurried back inside. Yuta felt a sense of excitement as they made their way back to the dining room, but also a sense of dread as he knew how much the sight of a ring on his finger was going to satisfy their families. 

Sure enough, there were screams and exclamations of joy when Jaehyun lifted Yuta’s hand by the wrist to show the dinner table. Yuta fought the urge to roll his eyes. 

“This is just wonderful,” Yuta’s mother said, sounding excited for once, “look how it fits your finger perfectly. You were _made_ to wear that ring on your finger.” 

“Mother, please, that’s enough.” Yuta whined, his hand had been touched and examined by everyone but the maid at this point, and Yuta was sure Jaehyun’s mother would call her in soon to look at it as well. 

“I could cry!” Jaehyun’s mother exclaimed gleefully. 

“We ought to send them to visit my mother in Japan, then she could bless the ring. Or perhaps they could convince her to pass one of the family diamonds down, I’d love to see some additions made to the ring.” Yuta’s father grinned. He had been the only one who had commented about the size of the ring, saying it could’ve been bigger. 

“That’s not a bad idea,” Jaehyun’s father agrees, “send them off on vacation before the wedding.” He lifted his eyebrows, clearly trying to make some kind of joke that was outdated. 

Their parents laughed, and Yuta and Jaehyun shared a look. 

“You guys aren’t serious, right?” Yuta asked, stabbing a piece of broccoli with his fork. 

They all shared a look, Yuta’s mother shifting her pearl necklace. 

“Well, we wanted to make it _seem_ like it was a suggestion.” Jaehyun’s mother said, setting her fork down with a clank.

“But the tickets have already been booked.” Yuta’s father bluntly states, cutting to the point. 

“ _What?!”_ Yuta and Jaehyun exclaim, almost in sync. 

Yuta could tell Jaehyun had nearly spit his wine out by the way he was covering his mouth with his napkin to cough. He stifled his own laugh. 

“You—how long have you been planning this?” Yuta asked, clearly addressing the whole table. 

“For a month or two. It’s perfect really, Jaehyun, you have your break soon, and Yuta you haven’t seen your grandma since you were little, it’ll be a good vacation for both of you. Together.” Yuta’s mother clarified. 

“Pardon me, but isn’t the honeymoon supposed to come after the wedding?” Jaehyun asks, more as a statement rather than a question. 

“Well, It’s not a _honeymoon,_ but it’s an opportunity for the two of you to be alone together. And Jaehyun, you’ll have to meet his grandmother eventually, might as well do it before the wedding.” Jaehyun’s mother spoke softly, her tone was much less commanding compared to Yuta’s mother. 

Yuta’s grandmother didn’t go to things like engagement parties, no funny business like that. She only felt it necessary to attend weddings, as they were the ‘real thing.’

“Seems like we don’t have a choice.” Yuta spoke softly. “This is conspiracy.” 

“It’ll help keep the family strong, Yuta.” His father sounded more serious now, clearly not a fan of Yuta’s apathetic tone. 

Yuta just exhaled. It was going to be hard, being alone with Jaehyun. Yuta knew that his self-restraint over his emotions would only get him so far. 

-

  
  


The rain and snow that came in spring was dreadful enough that all Yuta wanted to do was lounge around anyways, so getting out of his apartment sounded rather appealing. 

The date for the trip had rolled around soon enough, certainly before Yuta had enough time to emotionally prepare himself for seclusion with Jaehyun. 

Thanks to his mother's insistent nagging, Yuta basically had a whole new wardrobe to take with him on the trip. They had to check an extra bag for it, which Yuta thought was a bit much for one week. 

He was thankful that the flight over to Japan wasn’t too bad, Jaehyun kept himself busy with classwork he had been assigned over break and Yuta used a sleep mask to catch some extra beauty sleep. He figured he’d need it. 

The drive into the outskirts of Osaka from the airport was almost the same as Yuta remembered from when he was a small child. The city was beautiful as ever, even at night. All the lights seemed to blur together in the window of the cab car. 

They had moved to South Korea when Yuta was a preteen, in order to be closer to the center of the company Yuta’s father had been working at during that time, before he had worked his way up to becoming mayor. 

His grandmother’s estate was large, even though his grandfather had passed away 2 years ago, she stayed put. The house itself was big and there was another small guest house attached to the large property. 

A valet greeted them at the door and right away took their bags up to the guest house, which Yuta assumed she’s been instructed to do. 

“Jaehyun,” Yuta calls for him when he realized the younger wasn’t following behind him, Jaehyun was distracted by the gardens and large fountain in the middle of the driveway. 

He smiled, doing a small jog to catch up, his duffel bag tossed over his shoulder. It was irritating how cool Jaehyun looked even after waking up at 3 in the morning just to catch a flight. 

The guest suite was smaller than Yuta had expected. On the outside, it had plenty of outdoor patio space and room to eat breakfast, but inside there was only _one_ singular bedroom and bathroom. 

Yuta gulped, turning to the valet, “This is our only room?” 

“Yes. I was given instructions you’d both be sleeping here.” She smiled politely. 

“Ah…” Yuta realized it probably seemed odd for them to be engaged and not sharing a room.“Right! Thank you. Goodnight.” 

The shared bedroom was hidden from the mini kitchen by a simple curtain, and the bathroom was connected to the bedroom. It was small, and domestic in a sense. It had an intimate feel to it, as if a couple was _meant_ to be in it. 

There wasn’t even a living space except for the couch on the patio where one of them could sleep. 

“This bathroom has a jacuzzi. That’s pretty nice.” Jaehyun emerged, snapping Yuta out of his daze. “It doesn’t have a curtain though.” He mumbled, and when Yuta followed him into the bathroom to see it for himself, and then he laughed. 

“Are you seriously blushing because the bath doesn’t have a curtain?” Yuta mocked the younger man playfully, crossing his arms. 

“No.” Jaehyun lied, pushing past Yuta back into the bedroom. 

“Sure.” Yuta yawned, his lack of sleep due to their _early_ morning flight was taking over. 

“Do you want to wash up first?” Jaehyun asked, sounding less tired than Yuta even though he hadn’t been the one who slept on the plane ride. 

Yuta nodded, sleep sounded too good of an offer to pass up. 

He finished brushing his teeth and washing his face, and had changed into some silk pajamas. The bed was a medium sized one, just right for a couple. Yuta still tried to take up as little space as possible, edging to the side of the bed closest to the wall and turning his face towards it. 

Yuta tugs the covers up close, feeling the need to do so even though he was fully dressed. 

He was halfway asleep when he heard the light switch flick off and the room became completely dark, a weight appearing beside him in bed. Jaehyun’s pheromones were strangely comforting, especially in Yuta’s mid-sleep haze. The scent from the other man covers him almost like a second blanket, and he forces himself to open his eyes, wanting to look at Jaehyun. 

Both of them are too tired to make it awkward now, which comes as a blessing to Yuta. He only peeks over to see Jaehyun turned with his back facing the opposite way once, before he sinks into deep sleep. 

  
  
  


-

  
  


Jaehyun was already gone by the time Yuta finally woke up. He sat up to glance over at the alarm clock, a sense of panic hitting him when he saw it was already 11am. He knew too well that grandmother was extremely strict about sleeping in, and Yuta began to worry about the consequences he’d surely have for waking up late. 

Yuta threw the covers off, rushing into the empty bathroom to get ready as fast as possible. He throws on the first thing he can find in his suitcase, which happens to be a large dark green sweater and denim jeans. He leaves his hair as it is, having no issue wearing it down. 

He then comes to the realization that he hasn’t seen Jaehyun all this time, hurrying out onto the patio to tell him they have to go to the main house immediately. 

Yuta paused, the sight before him throwing him off. 

Jaehyun was sitting on a cushion, coffee in hand and his computer on the table, and Yuta’s grandmother was sitting across from him with her glasses up on her nose and her familiar bun atop her head. Something about it makes Yuta nervous, as he had no idea what she’s been telling him _or_ what he’s told her. 

“Grandmother?!” Yuta exclaimed, gaining both of their attention. 

“Oh, my Yuta!” She smiled, setting her newspaper down and standing up with her arms open. 

Her hugs had always felt like home, and Yuta was surprised at how well he could remember the last time she had hugged him with equal tightness. 

“You finally woke up. Your _fiancé_ told me that you like to sleep in. We’ve been talking about you already.” She waved her finger, tapping against Yuta’s nose. 

“Nothing bad, I hope.” Yuta looked between either of them. 

“Oh please,” She gestured with her chin towards Jaehyun, “I didn’t know you were marrying a man who could speak so many different languages, and so fluently. I may have felt differently had I known.” 

“I’ve been practicing Japanese at school, it’s important to work in a hospital too, you never know when it could come in handy.” Jaehyun grinned. He looked disgustingly perfect, Yuta thought to himself. His face was clear, and he wore a white shirt that had a couple buttons undone, leaving it casual. 

“I was going to wake you up earlier, but he convinced me not to, insisting that you were tired and needing lots of _rest.”_ She seemed happy at this, nudging Yuta with her arm. 

“Don’t listen to him next time, grandma.” Yuta shook his head. 

“Why? Are you afraid I’ll become her favorite?” Jaehyun teased Yuta, taking another sip of his coffee. 

“Ha!” His grandmother laughed, “Come on, now that you’re up, we can go eat lunch.” 

Yuta nodded, eager to see the how inside of the large home that he spent a lot of his childhood in looked now. 

“You just had to insist that I keep sleeping.” Yuta sighs, walking ahead with Jaehyun following behind him. 

“I tried to wake you up, actually, when I woke up first. But you wouldn't budge.” 

“That’s weird. I’m usually a light sleeper.” 

Yuta’s neck felt a bit hot, finally recalling earlier that morning that someone had been poking at his shoulder, which he had batted away. 

“Too busy being a sleeping beauty. Maybe I should’ve tried a kiss.” Jaehyun smoothly whispered, quiet enough that only Yuta could hear as they walked side by side. 

Yuta concealed his expression the best as he could, subtly pushing at Jaehyun’s broad shoulder as they walked up to the big house. 

Everything was still unspoken between them. It felt like Yuta had let Jaehyun back in again so easily, and all it had taken was some playful banter for Yuta to fold again. 

He was _useless._

The inside of the house hadn’t changed that much, there were minor detail changes, like the carpet was now a teal flowered pattern, the chandelier in the main hallway entrance had been updated and the marble staircase that led to the upstairs had been smoothed and polished. 

Yuta was pleased to see that the folding doors to the dining room were still the same, and that his grandmother still kept real plum blossoms in a vase in the corner. She wasn’t much for breaking old traditions. 

Jaehyun kneeled down on the cushion after Yuta, the younger had waited for Yuta and his grandmother to sit down first out of respect. 

Being seated next to his ‘fiancé,’ in the home he spent the majority of his early childhood in felt strange. 

“You two sit so far apart, it makes you look like strangers.” His grandmother grumbled.

Jaehyun was the one who scooted closer, always quick to please elders as he had been taught it since he was young, where Yuta was quicker to make excuses. 

“I prepared the food already, but the maid should bring it in shortly.” 

“How are you feeling, grandma?” Yuta asked, crossing his hands under the table. He was sure that she had already seen the small jewel that he wore on his ring finger, but he wanted to wait until the right time to show it off. His parents had expressed their want for Yuta to convince her to add to the ring with one of the family jewels, and he knew that if he worded it correctly he could get it. 

“I’m fine, bored in this big house by myself now, but I keep busy with my gardens.” She smiled softly. “Really, I was happiest to see your sister wed in december. And now _you_ are next to be married, it makes me proud to see my grandchildren are successful in their marriages.” 

“Thank you, grandma.” Yuta smiled softly. 

“Now that that’s out of the way, I have some questions for you, I wasn’t finished with him before you interrupted us,” She turns to Jaehyun, “can you cook? Yuta has been a disaster in the kitchen since he was little. I wouldn’t let him help because of how clumsy he was with his hands.” 

“Grandma! Quit!” Yuta whines, face blushing from how Jaehyun started laughing at her blunt words. He seemed rather embarrassed too. 

“What? It’s important, who is meant to do all the cooking?” 

“I can, I enjoy it actually.” Jaehyun nods, reassuring her. 

“Good. Yuta has to be _taken_ care of. Middle children are always babies.” 

Yuta glares, to which his grandmother stares back pointedly. “Don’t make me pull out some stories about you..I have pictures as evidence too.” She teased, wagging her finger at him. 

“No way, you’re bluffing—“ 

“He would only fall asleep if you sang, and would start crying as soon as you set him down in his crib. But if you sang him to sleep and then rocked the crib, he’d sleep perfectly fine.” His grandmother seemed to remember every tiny detail of when she took care of him, much to his dismay. 

Yuta covers his eyes, too embarrassed to look at Jaehyun. 

“That’s cute. Very cute.” Jaehyun sounds genuine, and Yuta feels less ashamed that his grandma had decided to expose him in the middle of lunch. 

He was saved by the maid finally arriving with the tray of food. It was a blessing in more than one way, because his stomach was close to growling territory. 

Jaehyun is polite enough to make sure they both get enough on their dishes before he starts to eat. Yuta had become so much more aware of the tiny details that made Jaehyun into such a gentleman. 

“Yuta told me you give tarot cards now that you are retired, do you enjoy it?” Jaehyun asked, obviously nervous to make small talk. Yuta had been thoughtful enough to inform him of a couple important details about his grandma on the flight over. 

“Mhm, it’s peaceful work to me. I mostly give readings without charge, just because I think it’s fun to tell people about their futures. Everyone has different reactions.” She chuckles. 

“I was sorry that I was unable to give your sister and her husband a read before the wedding. I don’t see any problem with their union though. It’s out of love.” 

Yuta stares into his rice bowl, her words hitting him in the gut a bit. 

“But your union is one I worry about.” His grandmother causes both of them to look up with her words, the strange tone she uses as she says it seems a bit alarming. 

“I know you hate when I get superstitious, Yuta. But I see that the two of you haven’t made any efforts to push forward on the romantic area of your relationship. And I know it won’t work well in the future.” She has a stern look on her face as she speaks. 

Yuta didn’t realize that the distance between them and lack of anything past platonic was so obvious. He assumed it showed through the lack of any mark on his neck, and in their overall body language. She must’ve caught on to their lack of skinship or pet names like any normal couple who are to be wed soon would have. 

“I want the best for my only grandson.” His grandmother finishes bluntly. 

“And I will work hard to do my best.” Jaehyun speaks up, “I don’t blame you for having suspicions about our union, I’m glad to see you rooting for him to be happy.” 

She just nods, lifting up her soup spoon to take a sip. They both take her silence as a hint that the conversation is over. 

Yuta tries to forget about the tension in his shoulders as the conversation continues on, part of him disliked how hostile his side of the family behaved towards Jaehyun due to his nonchalance, and the other part of him was just irritated with how overprotective his family was, like he was still a young child who needed it. 

Once they finish eating, Jaehyun is the one who volunteers to do the dishes even though the maid wasn’t on her lunch break yet. He had insisted. Yuta helped clear the table as Jaehyun scrubbed the plates and loaded them into the dishwasher. 

His grandmother headed upstairs for a midday nap, and encouraged the two of them to use the valet and go explore out somewhere. 

It sounded like a good proposition, except the air between Yuta and Jaehyun was so much more awkward now that they were alone again.

Back in the guest house, Yuta found himself lying down in bed. Jaehyun was working his computer in the kitchen, neither of them were speaking. Yuta was cold, and had slipped back under the covers. Before he knew it, he had fallen asleep to the sound of the sound of the rain which had begun to pour down. 

He was awoken only by the sound of thunder, being a light enough sleeper that even the smallest of sounds could startle him. Yuta rubs his eyes and sits up, softly patting at some of his hair which had gotten messy as he slept. 

Yuta could see the bathroom door was shut and the shower was running so he assumed Jaehyun was occupying the bathroom. 

He slumped back down against the pillows, sighing in frustration. Yuta began to wonder if this was how they were going to be the whole trip, just avoiding each other with some weird unspoken tension hovering between them. 

Yuta was interrupted with the realization that Jaehyun was _in_ the shower, naked. He blushed, feeling like a perverted teenager for thoughts like that. He grabs the pillow beside his own, shoving it over his face and trying to will the idiotic thoughts away. This only made things much worse, because the pillow belonged to Jaehyun and Yuta was basically just rubbing his scent all over his face. 

He threw the pillow off onto the floor, not caring about the loud thump it made. 

Yuta tries scrolling through his phone, feeling his own heart start to pound louder when the water shuts off. _Please come out in full clothing,_ Yuta thought. 

Far too quickly, the bathroom door swings open. 

He can barely suppress the gasp that threatens to fall from his lips, nearly dropping his phone onto his face at the sight of Jaehyun standing before him only with a towel on his waist. 

Jaehyun makes an awkward choked sound with his throat, “I thought you’d still be asleep.” 

“No, I woke up a couple minutes ago.” Yuta murmured, far too busy appreciating the view. 

Yuta tosses his phone onto the bed, rising up onto his knees, unable to stop staring at Jaehyun. He’s built like no one Yuta has ever seen before, his arms and ab muscles are a huge indicator that he still spends a lot of his time working out. Yuta eyes the toned and ripped muscle which was still wet from the shower. 

With his eyes traveling lower, he observes how Jaehyun has hair under his belly button, which Yuta found the natural body trait to be _very_ appealing. He has to stop himself when his eyes hover near the towel, due to the white material of the towel, with the light peeking in from the bathroom.

“My eyes are up here, since you can’t seem to find them.” Jaehyun’s tone sounds borderline scolding. He seems to have regained his confidence back from when he got flustered by Yuta’s gaze. He throws Yuta a quick smirk, before disappearing back into the bathroom with his clothing. 

Yuta crawls to the edge of the bed, still down biting his lip. He had been on heat suppressants for almost a year, but they didn’t seem to be helping with the dirty thoughts that taunted his mind. 

He swallows, flopping face first onto the bed. “Fuck.” 

  
  


-

  
  


They had decided to go to an early dinner, after Yuta had drank a decent glass of water to help with the immense _thirst_ he had after waking up from his nap, and washed up to go out. 

The shirt Yuta wore was long sleeved with thin material, it hung off his skin slightly, showing more of his neck. Yuta knew that it was a bit unneeded to wear makeup, but he applied a bit of concealer anyways. 

Yuta hadn’t forgotten to throw on his winter coat this time, even though the black puffy coat did clash ever so slightly with his look, he didn’t want Jaehyun to feel like he had to lend his coat again. 

They sat in the back of the car in silence. Yuta had given the valet driver instructions to take them to the flea market downtown, which he used to go to with his grandma on saturday’s. There was plenty to look at and to eat. 

Jaehyun allowed Yuta to lead the way to the market, as he clearly had no experience in Japan or reading any of the street signs. He did notice a few onlookers squinting at him, probably looking at his neck and wondering why it was unmarked. 

“The weather isn’t too bad. For spring.” 

Yuta just hummed in response, distracted by the small shops in the flea market. He was examining a display of pottery, looking at one of the pretty clay mugs. 

He moved on, with Jaehyun following behind him and showing him small things he found as well. 

Yuta stopped at a small stand selling assortments of jewelry, captivated by a pair of dangly earrings, a soft jewel in the shape of a flower at the end of each. They sparkled when he held them in his palm. 

“Do you want to put them on?” Jaehyun asked, startling Yuta who had been so captivated by the pretty earrings. 

“Yes,” Yuta exhaled, his breath hitching as Jaehyun took the earrings from him swiftly. Yuta was glad he had been too lazy to put any in that morning. 

Jaehyun gently held his ear lobe, bending a little at the knee so that he could see what he was doing completely. With precision and carefulness, Jaehyun hooked the earring in. 

Yuta smiled softly to himself as he watched Jaehyun check to make sure it was in, the look of concentration and focus that showed on his face was endearing. From his creased eyebrows to his pursed lips, Yuta found it so sweet. 

The elderly woman at the cart handed Yuta a mirror and he thanked her, observing his reflection with the dangly earrings. 

“You look pretty.” Jaehyun commented without being asked. 

“Thanks,” Yuta handed the mirror back to her. 

“Will you be buying them?” The elderly lady smiled, clearly directing the question to Jaehyun, who probably didn’t understand her that well. 

“No, miss—I will.” Yuta grinned, pulling his wallet out. 

“Let me pay,” Jaehyun tried, but Yuta had already handed her the money and shook his head. 

“Stop trying to buy my love, Jaehyun.” Yuta teased, his lips quirking at the edge. 

“I’m not doing it with a motive, Yuta,” Jaehyun sounded serious compared to Yuta’s playful tone, “I like taking care of things.” 

Yuta wanted to scoff but held himself back, the way that Jaehyun phrased it, made Yuta unable to tell if he meant taking care of the money or taking care of _him._

They made their way out of the shopping section and towards the area with food vendors, stumbling on an open seating area where they could eat and drink. 

Yuta gave in and let Jaehyun order the food and pay, as there was no point in bickering over it. They ordered yakitori, one chicken liver and one thigh. Yuta was also pleased to see Jaehyun had brought a dish of sweet potatoes as well. They also had decided that beer was the drink of choice for the night. 

“We should get ice cream after too,” Yuta rambled excitedly. 

“Ice cream, huh,” Jaehyun let out a laugh, “It’s not even summer yet.” 

“I thought you said the weather was nice.” 

“That was just, to—“ 

“To make small talk?” Yuta finished his sentence, a smug look growing on his own face. “Mhm, I figured.” 

Yuta was thankful that he had remembered to bring a ponytail holder, in order to keep any strands of hair out of his face when he ate. 

Jaehyun stopped eating just to watch Yuta tie his hair back, pulling it away from his face. 

“You brought a hair tie?” Jaehyun smirked. 

“Yes, _for_ eating.” Yuta hated himself for clarifying it, going back to his food quickly. 

Seeing even that boyish smile spread across Jaehyun’s face was too much for him. 

They scarfed their food down in silence, and Yuta was the first to finish his beer. 

“Let’s walk to the supermarket, it’s about a block away, but you don’t mind right?” Yuta grinned, standing up. 

“No, I don’t. I’m perfectly capable.” Jaehyun stood up with him, walking close enough to him that their shoulders brushed. 

“Why would you rather get ice cream at a supermarket than a vendor?” Jaehyun asked once they were back on the sidewalk. 

“Hm, because I want you to experience a supermarket in Japan. My parents always had the servants shop back in Korea, but I always went to the supermarkets with my grandma when I was young.” Yuta grinned. 

“So, did your sisters spend a lot of time with her too?” 

Jaehyun helped Yuta move out of the way as a group of teenagers passed them, his arm linking around Yuta’s shoulder to pull him out of the way. 

“Good catch.” Yuta breathes, the words leaving his mouth quickly. 

“Ah, yes and no. They were both into ballet and spent a lot of time in the ballet studios while I spent more time being babysat by my grandma when both my parents were at work. That’s why I like to say I’m her favorite.” He chuckled. 

“It must’ve been nice, you know, without a nanny.” Jaehyun sounds quieter. 

“Who do you remember taking care of you the most when you were little?” Yuta inquired, switching the conversation on him. 

“Mostly my mom. She didn’t work when I was little because my father's job kept us stable. But then, she got busy with event organization as her new job and, they hired a nanny. So mostly I remember my nanny.” 

Yuta nodded, his story was saddening. It made sense that Jaehyun had been such a cold teenager, he had always come off as rude and unforgiving, but Yuta was sure it hadn’t been easy with neither of his parents being that present in his life. 

“I just feel like I missed out on that tight family bond, but, my mom is trying now I guess.” Jaehyun shrugged, obviously not wanting to talk about it anymore. 

It was odd, because on the outside, his family seemed so perfect. But Yuta guessed that every family was dysfunctional, no matter how things may ‘seem.’ 

“I’m sorry about that.” Yuta spoke softly, looking at Jaehyun even though he wasn’t looking at him. 

His heart feels strangely fluttery and achy, perhaps from the honesty he had been able to draw from Jaehyun, or the feeling of just walking around downtown Osaka with him like this. It just felt normal. And for a little bit, Yuta could pretend they were only two people trying to figure each other out. 

They ended up at the right supermarket finally, Yuta had been a little confused with directions and had to pull out his phone for directions, breaking his cool facade of being able to act as a local. 

Yuta got a cart first, excitedly pushing it towards the aisles. 

“Hyung, do you really think we’ll need a whole cart for ice cream.” Jaehyun withheld a laugh. 

“Yes,” Yuta glared playfully, unable to keep a straight face “what if I want something else.” 

Just to prove his point, Yuta reached for a bottle of red wine at the top of the shelf. He was met with Jaehyun’s own hand grabbing it for him. 

“I could’ve gotten that,” Yuta rolled his eyes at the expression on Jaehyun’s face. “I’m not that short.” 

“You aren’t but,” Jaehyun paused, reading the look on Yuta’s face, “you are shorter than _me.”_

Yuta’s cheeks blushed, silently cursing Jaehyun as he went back to scanning the aisles with his hands on his cart. 

He grabbed a bag of chips and tossed them into the cart, still silent. 

“Are you mad at me?” Jaehyun’s voice came from behind him, Yuta could tell even from his tone alone that Jaehyun was smiling as he said it, he didn’t need to see his face. 

“No.” Yuta felt Jaehyun trailing close behind him now. 

“I think you are.” Jaehyun said in a sing-song voice, placing his hands over Yuta’s own atop the cart handle. He had his chest pressed to Yuta’s back now. 

“I am not.” Yuta gritted out, unable to lean down against the cart now that Jaehyun was literally behind him. 

“It’s not good to lie to your fiancé, Yuta.” He uttered against Yuta’s head, using their small height difference to his advantage now. 

“Shut—“ 

Yuta suddenly couldn’t breathe when Jaehyun started to help him push the cart, as it was hard to remain composed with Jaehyun right against his back. The alpha’s arms laid over his own. 

He broke out in a laugh in an attempt to hide how flustered he had become, “Stop, don’t do that here, people are gonna stare at us. We look weird.” 

“I don’t care if we look weird. We are.” 

“Of course you would say something like that.” Yuta thought out loud. 

“Did you find your ice cream?” Jaehyun changed the topic, still holding on to the cart and slowly walking behind Yuta in order to match his steps. 

They turned the corner and were met with an old lady who gave them a disapproving stare, and walked away. 

“See,” Yuta bit his tongue to stop himself from laughing, “I told you—“ 

He was unable to stop the laugh that came out when he turned around and saw the wide eyed look on Jaehyun’s face. 

The pair stood there laughing in the middle of the store until they caught their breath and came to their senses again. Yuta found the ice cream for them to share, and they made their way to check out. 

Jaehyun stopped playing around, learning his lesson after that interaction with the elderly woman. 

The cashier was a kind middle aged woman, she spotted the ring on Yuta’s finger and her face turned up into a smile. 

“Ah, I could tell you were a young couple when you walked in.” She seemed so giddy that she had been right. 

“Your children will be so cute.” She giggled, handing the receipt to Jaehyun who had once again, beat Yuta to paying. 

“Thank you, miss.” Yuta concealed his face, trying to act like the prospect of children didn’t scare the hell out of him. 

“What’d she say?” Jaehyun asked in a low voice to Yuta. 

“Our children will be cute.” Yuta stifled a giggle at the blank stare Jaehyun had on at his translation. 

Yuta texted the valet the address of the supermarket, as it was already dark out and they should be heading home by now. 

They went and sat at the plastic chairs outside the shop, setting their groceries down on the unstable plastic table. 

“The cashier lady thinks we are a believable couple, but your grandma doesn’t.” Jaehyun tsked, leaning his head back. 

“Mhm, if _she_ was my grandma it would be much easier.” 

Yuta decided to eat his ice cream before it melted completely, as it had already started to melt from being taken out of the freezer. He managed to catch some of the drippings on his fingers, licking it off. 

“Ah!” Yuta exclaimed when some of it dropped on his shoe, trying to brush it off with his other shoe. 

“Hyung,” Jaehyun grumbled, moving from

his chair with a napkin ready in hand. “How did you even do that?” 

Jaehyun kneeled down to polish the ice cream off his shoe, gathering most of the sticky substance off. Yuta wondered how many other people Jaehyun would do this for, and shook his head. 

“Where did you even get napkins from?” Yuta laughed, far too casual at such a mundane yet caring gesture from Jaehyun. 

“Inside,” Jaehyun stood back up, “you left first but I asked the cashier if she had any because I figured something like this would happen.” 

“You know how to ask for napkins in Japanese?” Yuta smiled softly. 

“I practiced the basics before we came,” Jaehyun brushed it off like it was nothing, “for moments like these.” 

“I’d be a mess without you.” Yuta merely watched Jaehyun wipe down his hand now, holding Yuta’s ice cream in the other. 

“Your hand is getting all messy now.” Yuta informed him, watching the ice cream melt down Jaehyun’s wrist. 

“It doesn’t matter.” 

Once Jaehyun finished helping and cleaning Yuta completely, he went back to his seat. 

  
  


-

  
  


They had returned home late due to traffic.

Yuta and Jaehyun had paid his grandmother a short visit before bed and then headed to the guest house where they sat on the cushions outside on the patio area. Even though it was cold, looking at the stars made it worth it. 

They both had searched high and low for wine glasses and finally found some in the small storage closet in the bathroom, which was a pretty odd place to hide them, but they weren’t ones to judge. 

The liquor was refreshing on Yuta’s tongue; bitter and dry, just like he liked it. 

He wasn’t even wearing his jacket now, much to Jaehyun’s dismay. He had scolded the elder for ditching the jacket when he was wearing such a thin shirt. 

Jaehyun took a gulp of his wine and set it down onto the table, his eyes hovering on Yuta’s bare collarbones and unmarked neck, not that Yuta noticed. 

Yuta inhaled, watching his breath in the air. 

“Imagine if we had met like we were supposed to.” Jaehyun spoke suddenly, breaking the silence. 

“You mean,” Yuta finished taking a sip of his wine, “If I hadn’t caught you sneaking around in my room?” 

“I wasn’t sneaking. I was lost.” Jaehyun still seemed embarrassed to talk about it, much to Yuta’s own enjoyment. 

“Just because you’re lost doesn’t mean you go exploring into bedrooms, come on.” Yuta giggled, swirling his wine in the glass. 

“Alright, maybe—I was curious.” 

Yuta smiled at his defeat. “Aha! I knew it. I knew it, Jaehyun, I knew that you didn’t go in there by accident.” 

“I just—I knew nothing about you, and I was such a curious troublemaker back then, so of course—ah it sounds so weird now!” Jaehyun cringed, ruffling his hair with his hands. 

“It’s okay, Jaehyun, you were my first fan, it’s not creepy.” Yuta grinned, his limbs had started to feel more relaxed and numb after the second, or perhaps it was the third, glass of wine. 

“Your sarcasm is _too_ much, hyung.” Jaehyun covered his face, pinching the bridge of his nose dramatically. 

Yuta’s eyes caught the shiny watch on his wrist, and the veins in Jaehyun’s hand. He had pretty hands, Yuta thought to himself, which was an odd observation. Yuta thought back to how they had felt on his body at the wedding, how he had gripped his waist and how he had delicately handled him but with such possessiveness. 

Jaehyun’s glass was empty, and before he could reach across the cushion to grab the bottle himself, Yuta grabbed it. 

“Hyung—“ 

Yuta just grinned, holding the bottle in one hand and crawling across the cushion. He could tell Jaehyun was nervous he would spill the wine, just by the way he was watching Yuta. 

He closed his hand around Jaehyun’s to stabilize it, then poured more into his glass, grinning. He was satisfied with himself when he didn’t spill any, and set the bottle back down. 

Jaehyun’s eyes read him up and down, sort of raising his brows at the stance Yuta had. 

He was sitting now with his legs tucked underneath his bottom, with one hand on the mat and the other in between where Jaehyun’s legs were spread out. 

“You didn’t have to refill it for me.” Jaehyun’s voice sounded lower than normal. 

“But I _wanted_ to.” Yuta purred, a surge of confidence coming out of nowhere as he took his hand and placed it on Jaehyun’s knee instead. 

Jaehyun’s eyes flicked between the hand on his knee and Yuta’s face. 

“Hyung, are you drunk?” Jaehyun showed his teeth in a smile, leaning his head back against the wall. 

“No,” Yuta pitched his voice lower, “I have a high alcohol tolerance.” That was totally a lie, and Yuta knew it. 

“I’m pretty sure you are.” Jaehyun’s smile fell, and his eyes didn’t show anymore interest, to top it all off, he looked away. 

Yuta felt his shoulders slouch, his instincts were telling him he hadn’t been appealing enough, that he had failed to charm the alpha sitting in front of him. 

“Do you think that’s why I’m acting this way?” Yuta tried, tilting his head a little. He was back to leaning forward on his knees, knowing damn well that when he did the fabric of his loose shirt dipped lower. 

“Maybe.” Jaehyun clenched his jaw, almost enough that it looked painful. 

“Why won’t you look at me?” Yuta whines softly, his hand bravely moving up higher onto Jaehyun’s thigh muscle now. 

He takes Jaehyun’s silence as a sign, and leans in closer so that he can hear the sound of Jaehyun’s rough breathing. The scent in the air had grown muskier, giving off strong notes of Jaehyun’s pheromones. 

This was enough that, even while intoxicated, Yuta could tell he was having some kind of effect on the younger man. 

“You’re killing me, Yuta.” Jaehyun finally sets the wine glass which looks like it could break any second from how hard he was clutching it onto the floor. 

Yuta pulls his hand away like he had been burned, his cheeks flushing in shame. It wasn’t the good kind of embarrassment that felt all giddy, it was just plain humiliation. 

Jaehyun stood up, leaving the patio and shutting the glass door behind him. 

Yuta felt unable to move, paralyzed there where Jaehyun had left him in the cold.

He downed the rest of his own wine down, the bitterness resonating deep within his stomach as it burned into his throat and taste buds. 

Yuta followed him inside, where Jaehyun had already disappeared into the bathroom, probably to get ready for bed. 

He went to search around for the pajamas he had worn the previous night, but wasn’t successful. He had placed them in a corner on the floor, but they were missing. Yuta quickly realized that the maid had probably taken them. 

Yuta searched in both suitcases, but found _no_ other pajamas. “Of course.” 

His mother had insisted on choosing his wardrobe, because she figured something like this would happen. The only other thing that would substitute for pajamas was a long, silky robe. It was a dark blue color, and was soft and comfortable to touch. 

But it would be so _exposing._ He felt his face heat up, knowing well how it would look to Jaehyun. 

Regardless of it, he couldn’t bring himself to be afraid. 

He silently pushed past Jaehyun into the bathroom when the younger was finished, his face dumbly turning pink at the way Jaehyun turned to look at him before he closed the door. 

Yuta washed his makeup off, staring blankly at his bare face. He began to undress, sort of feeling more conscious about his body than usual. 

He shook away the feelings, slipping the robe over his body. He wore underwear of course, but that was the only undergarment he wore underneath the robe. His chest was bare underneath and his legs were exposed. 

Jaehyun was already in bed, with the bedroom lights still on, but he had his arms behind his head and the covers still off. 

He opens his eyes slowly, licking his lips when he sees Yuta standing before him. Yuta crosses his arms, eyeing him with uncertainty. 

“Should I just sleep outside?” Yuta asked, when Jaehyun doesn’t even acknowledge him. 

“Hyung, don’t be dramatic.” Jaehyun mutters, “come here.” 

The sense of command in his voice causes Yuta to do exactly as he says, even though his mind is telling him to do the opposite. 

He crawls onto the bed, feeling the silk fabric slip under his knees. Yuta was laying with his face down, stomach against the bed. He pouted against his pillow, using his hand to move his hair out of the way. 

Jaehyun’s eyes trailed up and down, and Yuta watched him carefully as he did. 

“What,” Yuta’s voice is muffled by his pillow. 

“Nothing.” Jaehyun exhales and turns away, pulling the covers up over his own legs. 

Yuta liftedhis head up, feeling his back arch due to the strange position. 

“You’re doing it again.” 

“What?” 

“Not looking at me.” 

“Is it that important that I do?” Jaehyun sounds too mean as he says it, his eyes narrowing. 

“Yes.” Yuta turns onto his side, part of his robe jostling now that he had moved around so much. 

Jaehyun closed his eyes, running his hands through his hair again.

“What—“ Jaehyun’s voice cracked, “why are you wearing that?” 

“It’s all I had left my suitcase for pajamas.” 

Yuta feels his breath hitch when Jaehyun leans over, unsure of what he was doing as his hands traveled lower, finally stopping at the tie around Yuta’s waist. 

“What are you—“ Yuta exclaimed, his words cut off, realizing Jaehyun had double-tied the robe, ensuring that it was even tighter on his body. Yuta’s chest had been a bit exposed by how loose he had tied it before. 

Jaehyun’s eyes flickered down to where Yuta’s leg was sticking out of the robe, and Yuta notices now that the tips of his ears were a burning red, even in the dim light of the bedroom. 

“It’s just a bit of skin, Jaehyun.” Yuta huffs, “you’re immature.” 

“How am I immature?” 

“You can’t look at me without thinking I’m trying to seduce you right now,” Yuta just shook his head, not having the energy to finish his sentence. 

“I never said I thought you were trying to seduce me.” 

“Goodnight, Jaehyun.” Yuta decides, shutting the lamp on his side off, and turning to face the wall. 

“Look—hyung, I’m sorry if I offended you.” Jaehyun mutters, his voice close to Yuta’s back. “I don’t want you to be angry with me.” 

Yuta had no idea what he meant, or how to respond, so he pulled the covers up close to his neck, trying to ignore the pain in his chest. 

He heard Jaehyun sigh, and turn off the lamp. The younger man moved closer, and Yuta blamed his closeness on the fact that the heater wasn’t working as well as the night before. 

Yuta had no excuse for Jaehyun placing his hand protectively around Yuta’s hip. Or how his back ended up pressed to Jaehyun’s chest, flush against each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo how was another chapter of yujae not stating how they actually feel? 
> 
> :)
> 
> lol, as always leave any comments or thoughts behind! thank you so much ❤️


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! :) i know i said updates would get slower, but i had this chapter planned out already so i thought why not! 
> 
> caution: there is some poorly written (lol) “action” scenes near the end & kind of descriptions of violence & injury? i guess so, warning for that. (if it’s that bad just skip over it tbh)

When Yuta woke up, sunlight is already coming in through the curtains. He was too tired and hungover to lean over and check the bedside clock, but he was sure that it was still early in the morning. 

His head pounded softly, and he groaned, leaning up to rub at his temples. Yuta knew better than to drink too much. 

Yuta rolled over, realizing too late that he was uncomfortably laying on Jaehyun’s arm. 

He was still asleep, being the heavier sleeper between the two of them, and Yuta envied his ability to sleep so soundly. 

Even though Jaehyun looked better than the weary and weak tired face he had most of the days that Yuta saw him after he had been in classes, Yuta still felt a sense of worry at the deep eye bags under his eyes. 

Yuta reaches out and trails his thumb over Jaehyun’s cheekbone, leading to the skin underneath one of his eyes. 

He couldn’t stand himself for being so upset and angry with Jaehyun when he had fallen asleep, yet feeling so happy to see him first thing in the morning. 

Jaehyun was someone that Yuta was unable to quit. No matter how many times Jaehyun said or did something to confuse him, Yuta would always find himself drawn back in. 

Yuta’s fingertips travel down the side of Jaehyun’s face, hoping that his touch is light enough that it won’t wake him up. 

It felt hot underneath the covers like it did naturally with two warm bodies laying so close together. Everything felt warm and heavy between them. His fingers brushed at Jaehyun’s thick hair, gently carding through his soft bangs. 

Yuta’s mind wandered, thinking about how different it felt than waking up next to Johnny, his ex. Of course, those mornings had been very different, waking up with Johnny’s naked arms wrapped around his body. But the memory was still there, present. Yuta disliked how Johnny crept back into his mind whenever Yuta began to feel new emotions towards Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun exhales shakily, sort of moving his arm a bit underneath Yuta. This startles Yuta enough that he breaks his hand away, rolling back over so that he isn’t facing Jaehyun. 

A hand moves to pull at his waist, and Jaehyun scoots over to be closer to Yuta again. Yuta tries to push his hand off, but Jaehyun’s hand grabs his own and interlocks their fingers. 

Yuta huffs. He wants to look over and see if Jaehyun has his eyes open or not, but the fear of moving in this position was too much. 

He can feel Jaehyun’s warm breath start to move closer, against the back of his neck. Yuta is sweating from the heat of their bodies together alone.

“Jaehyun, are you awake?” Yuta didn’t realize how hoarse his own morning voice was, suddenly in need of some water. 

He doesn’t answer, but Yuta feels his chin come to rest on Yuta’s shoulder. He grew nervous as he realized how close Jaehyun was to his scent gland again, suddenly very aware and conscious of the pheromones his body was giving off. 

Of course, it would have an effect on a young alpha. 

He lets out a soft gasp, eyes squeezed shut as Jaehyun’s lips brush against his neck, it doesn’t seem intentional from Jaehyun, but it has all the same reactions from Yuta as if it was. 

The sweet scent in the air is enough for Yuta to realize his body was reacting to Jaehyun’s. This was something Yuta had been afraid of happening, knowing they would have to share a bed. It was very common for body nature to take over rational thoughts. 

“Yuta..” Jaehyun murmurs his name so low, that Yuta can’t tell if he was meant to hear it or not. 

He rolls over from his side, onto his back. Yuta was now laying caged against Jaehyun and the wall. He can tell Jaehyun is awake now, his eyes open and his pupils wide. He would’ve looked endearing if Yuta didn’t know the reason for it. 

_Arousal. All thanks to hormones._

“Are you still mad at me?” Jaehyun licks his lips, and Yuta doesn’t miss how his eyes scan over the patch of skin on Yuta’s chest that had become exposed thanks to Yuta’s robe becoming tangled again. 

He was such an effortlessly handsome man; his lips that were cocked up into a teasing smile, even with his astray morning hair, he was still beautiful without needing to get ready first. 

“Mad?” Yuta shifts uncomfortably, looking away, “for what? We were both drunk. Our judgment lapsed. It’s common to get into arguments when drunk.” 

“You still look like you’re upset. And I know said some things I didn’t mean to.” Jaehyun looks guilty now, and it makes Yuta’s heart flutter. All the fear, and confusion causing his emotions to become even messier, if that was possible. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Yuta answers shortly, trying to move away from his grasp. He was not going to turn soft to Jaehyun’s affection, he wasn’t going to let himself be so easily swayed by it. 

However, Jaehyun doesn’t seem to want him to leave, instead he pulls Yuta back into his arms, sort of cradling him. Yuta goes limp, unable to go against it like he had planned, when this was something he wanted deep down. 

Jaehyun has one arm tightly bound around Yuta’s waist, and the other at his shoulder, pulling him in. 

Yuta isn’t used to this level of affection from him when they were alone, yet, it still felt natural to be wrapped up in his arms. It was hard to ignore his instincts. 

“Why are you holding me?” Yuta grumbled. He was trying his best not to seem affected by it, _Why is it so hard to stay mad at him?_ He thought. 

“It’s cold in here.” Jaehyun muttered against Yuta’s shoulder, where his face was buried. 

He was brought back to his senses by the sound of footsteps coming down the hall. Yuta grew flustered and aware of how wrong it looked, he pushed at Jaehyun’s chest, trying to get the larger man off. 

Yuta was able to squirm out of his arms, and throw his feet over the edge of the bed. A knock came at the door, and Yuta only became more panicked and flustered, retying the robe where it had become loose again. 

“You’ll make it look worse by doing that.” Jaehyun whispered. 

“Then what am I meant to do—“ 

Before he could get up to open the door, Jaehyun grabbed him from behind, earning a squeal from Yuta. He pulled Yuta back and into his lap. Yuta was now sitting with his back facing the door, in Jaehyun’s lap.

“Come in!” Jaehyun grinned widely, seeming to enjoy this. Yuta angrily curled his fist into the fabric of Jaehyun’s shirt. His face slowly turned to a pinker hue as he realized his thighs were fully exposed due to his legs being apart in the robe. 

The maid entered the room and gasped, quick to cover her eyes with her hand at the sight. She seemed phased by the obvious pheromones in the room as well, even though arousal tended to be a common scent in bedrooms. She was probably a new maid, Yuta figured. 

“I’m sorry to interrupt, I was told to get the clothing for washing. I apologize again.” She seemed genuinely embarrassed, and Yuta glared even _harder_ at Jaehyun. 

She hurried to grab the long laundry bag, then shut the door. Her footsteps could be heard hurrying down the hallway. 

“You are evil. _”_

“Watch, she’ll go and tell your grandmother and _then_ she won’t have to worry about us anymore.” Jaehyun grinned. 

It only takes Yuta a split second to realize how riled up this whole thing had gotten him, both his chest and shoulders were practically heaving from it. Part of his robe had fallen down on the side of his shoulder as well. 

“Do you enjoy embarrassing me?” Yuta kept his stern expression, shaking some of the fallen hair out of his eyes, he could feel his cheeks had grown hot. 

“I find it very cute when you’re all worked up like this.” Jaehyun stated. There he was again, that shameless flirt that Yuta knew oh so well. 

“Let me go.” Yuta muttered. 

Jaehyun did as he said, removing his hands from where they had gripped Yuta’s hips and holding them up to show Yuta his hands were empty. 

Yuta scoffed, getting off his lap and booking it into the bathroom. He needed to have a cold shower and collect himself. It was only the second morning there, how was he going to survive the rest of the trip?   
  


-

  
  
  


He had gotten ready, and then headed out to visit his grandmother in her gardens, and left Jaehyun inside the guest house to do classwork by himself. 

The gardens were even more grand than Yuta remembered as a child, the trees had grown bigger and the bushes. Everything was almost in bloom, just like it should be in spring. 

The light wind blew against his skin, and Yuta sighed. The afternoon air was cold and refreshing on his skin after such a sweaty and humid morning. 

His grandmother held her parasol up high, wearing a broad hat as well for _extra_ protection from the light sun rays coming in through the clouds. 

He stops to admire the flower buds which hadn’t yet bloomed, wishing he could see them in their full form already. There was a small greenhouse towards the middle of the open field, and they walked towards it. 

“Your fiancé couldn’t join us?” She speaks frankly, her arms crossed behind her back. 

Yuta shakes his head, “His schoolwork took over.” 

“Such a busy man already. I fear that you will become neglected. But don’t take it personally, dear, my husband was sort of an overachiever too. Your grandpa.” 

Yuta was not as naive as everyone seemed to think he was. He knew that they’d have limited time together, he wasn’t a child who needed to be told these things. 

“I plan on trying to stay busy too. I won’t stay locked up in the house waiting for him.” Yuta realizes how bitter he sounds as he speaks, hiding his scowl by turning his face. 

“Did you argue much, with grandpa?” He asked, inquiring more from her instead of continuing to focus on the future of his marriage. 

“We did. But, like most couples, we resolved it quickly by talking it out.” 

Yuta thought back to earlier in the day, when he brushed off his own feelings again, in order to avoid conflict. Jaehyun and him didn’t seem to be the type that would be talking things over. 

“You’ll get the hang of it eventually, Yuta. But you must try for it to work.” She pursed her lips.

He just nodded, knowing that taking her advice and staying silent was the best idea here. Yuta truthfully had no confidence that he would magically be able to be the hang of it. 

“The greenhouse looks beautiful,” Yuta smiled, running his thumb over one of the rosebud bushes, softly smiling as a petal fell onto his thumb. 

“You just love nature, dear. You always have.” She smiled softly, and then seemed to get an idea. “Remember when I used to take you to those old train tracks, over in Hyogo. What was it called—Takedao Station! That was the old railroad name. You used to love to hike there, even as a little boy.”

“Yes. It always felt so magical.” Yuta could recall a time when it was just his grandma taking care of him, and she did everything to make those days as fun as possible. 

The fondest memories he had of his childhood involved the time he spent in Japan, with his grandma, adventuring and feeling free, like a normal child should. Not the memories of being locked away inside listening to his parents argue, then shipped off to an expensive boarding school. Those weren’t memories he looked back on with love. 

“You should take Jaehyun there. Show him a piece of your childhood.” She had a soft glint in her eye as she spoke. 

“Grandma, it’s 40 minutes away, are you trying to get rid of me?” Yuta chuckled, raising his eyebrows at her suggestion. 

“Oh please, it’s just a simple train ride there, and you can stay at a nice hotel, and experience some fun. I’d much rather see you do that than cooped up together in that guest house.” 

Yuta blushed, hesitating to ask, “did the maid tell you—“

“Did the maid tell me what?” His grandma tilted her glasses down, holding them on the bridge of his nose. 

“Nevermind!” Yuta turned back to the plants, occupying himself with them. 

-

When Yuta returned, he found Jaehyun with his legs stretched out onto the cushion and his school laptop on a pillow on his lap. He didn’t look up when Yuta entered the room. 

“Have you eaten?” Yuta asked, removing the jacket he had been wearing outside. 

“No.” Jaehyun replied back flatly. 

“Well,” Yuta pauses, “we can go to the main house and cook. My grandma is out for the evening with old friends, giving tarot card readings and all that.” 

“Can you spare a moment away from your work? You should eat, Jaehyun. You need food to help study.” Yuta hated the concern that grew in his voice, as he began to wonder if Jaehyun made a habit of studying without breaking away to eat often.

“Uh, I guess I can.” Jaehyun shrugs, moving the computer off his lap. 

Yuta hides the smile that draws across his face. It was rather small, but he was happy that Jaehyun didn’t reject him. Yuta felt proud to have gained his attention and been able to pull him away from his work. 

  
  


-

  
  


Cooking with Jaehyun proved to be harder than Yuta had prepared for. 

Yuta had assumed that Jaehyun was bluffing about his enjoyment of cooking in order to please his grandma, but he had been wrong. 

Jaehyun was the one who had taken control of cooking as soon as they had entered the kitchen it seemed, and Yuta was now the one letting himself be bossed around as Jaehyun told him how to cut bell peppers or reminded him to run cold water over the noodles after straining them. 

Yuta is in the middle of chopping onions, when he notices whatever sauce Jaehyun is attempting to make doesn’t seem to be going according to his plan. 

The younger grumbles an english curse word that Yuta barely recognizes and is trying to use a whisk to fix it. Yuta decides it's best if he stays quiet during the process. 

“No, hyung,” a voice greets him from behind, and a hand at his wrist, “you should always chop away from your fingers.” Jaehyun insists. 

Yuta nods, partially irritated at Jaehyun’s controlling nature but trying to suppress it. He holds his tongue in order to keep things civil, but Yuta feels like he can only hold it for a little bit longer. 

“I’ll finish the rest.” Jaehyun decides, silently asking Yuta to leave the kitchen without really saying it. 

Instead, Yuta works to clean the dishes as Jaehyun finishes up the cooking. 

Yuta can’t deny that he’s conflicted, because while Jaehyun’s restrained nature is a bit off putting, there’s something slightly attractive about his competence in cooking. 

He does seem to enjoy it, or at least, after fixing whatever problem happened with the sauce. Yuta can see how he seems to relax and everything he does is concentrated and with focus. 

Yuta helps to plate the stir fry, and they go to sit at the barstools at the counter instead of going into the dining room. 

“What my grandmother doesn’t know, won’t hurt her.” Yuta jokes, knowing she wouldn’t approve of them eating in a non-formal setting. 

”Right.” Jaehyun grins, letting out a small laugh of his own. 

Jaehyun waits for him to take a bite first, and Yuta does. He’s surprised at the skill of his cooking, even after watching him. It was truly impressive. 

“Wow,” Yuta tried to play it off cooler, not wanting to give into Jaehyun’s ego _too_ much, “where did you learn to cook?” 

Jaehyun took a bite from his own plate, “my nanny, actually. She taught me how, as she believed that even though I was a wealthy boy, I’d need these skills later in life.” 

“You had a pretty good nanny, it seems. I bet you were a good kid to take care of.” Yuta smiled softly, thinking back to a couple weeks ago when Jaehyun’s mother had brought out a couple childhood pictures of Jaehyun. He wouldn’t tell him that now, of course. 

“I suppose, up until the teenage years.” Jaehyun just mumbled, seeming to shut down due to the topic at hand. 

“Everyone had hard times during those years, Jaehyun.” Yuta blinks at him, when Jaehyun turns to stare. 

“Do I have something..” Yuta can barely lift his own hand to wipe at his mouth, before Jaehyun wipes at his lower lip with his own thumb. 

Yuta is baffled by the gesture. 

“Sorry, I just—“ Jaehyun wipes his own hand on a napkin, then goes to pat at Yuta’s lip with the napkin. 

Yuta allows it for a second, but then he pulls the napkin away from Jaehyun. 

“I can do it myself, you know.” He tries not to sound too annoyed, but the amount of grooming and polishing that Jaehyun did with him sometimes, made it feel less like Jaehyun was his future husband, and more like Jaehyun saw him as incompetent. 

They finished eating in silence, and then washed the remaining dishes together. It would feel more domestic if it wasn’t for the block of ice between them. 

“Will you be able to get away from the house tomorrow?” Yuta asked, not facing Jaehyun. He had finished wiping down the countertop and was leaning against it now. 

“Perhaps. But I don’t know, I have a lot of work.” Jaehyun’s tone seems completely indifferent to his question. 

“My grandma suggested that we take a train ride and go see some nature. There’s an old train track line that we used to go to, for hiking. It’s sort of unusual but, it’s very beautiful.” Yuta felt nervous as he spoke. 

“I get it if you can’t.” Yuta says quickly before Jaehyun can even open his mouth to respond. “It’s not a big deal. I can go alone.” 

Yuta hates how fast he shuts down, and how Jaehyun is silent for a moment after. It makes his pulse quicken. 

“Yuta. Don’t you think that I want to make an effort with you?”

Even with Jaehyun’s voice right behind him, Yuta didn’t turn around. 

“Look at me,” came Jaehyun’s deep, yet soft voice from behind. 

Yuta slowly turned around, trying to fight the strange urge to look down at his feet instead. 

“Why don’t you trust what I do? Why don’t you trust _me?”_ Jaehyun softly reaches to tuck away some of Yuta’s hair. 

“Why don’t I trust you? Seriously?” Yuta’s voice breaks in between his words. “You don’t tell me how you feel. If you want to make an effort, why don’t you show it? I can’t figure these things out on my own.” 

“Because—I just—look, we don’t have to argue about this,” Jaehyun’s face turns cold, “I’ll go if you want me to go.” 

“You don’t think there’s anything to talk about here?” Yuta asks, unable to hide the pain in his voice. 

“Yuta, I want this trip to go well. Please, don’t—“ Jaehyun struggles with his words, gently holding on to Yuta’s arm. 

Suddenly, it was as if something just snapped inside of Yuta. “Well, things don’t become perfect instantly. I’d rather you just tell me upfront, what your game is, so I can stop making a fool of myself. And getting my hopes up when you want to _touch_ me just because you feel like it in the heat of the moment.” Yuta speaks with disgust in his voice, hating himself and Jaehyun for making him like this. 

“It’s not my intention to confuse you, I just—I don’t even know what my own feelings are right now.” Jaehyun’s voice is stern, and a little angry. His expression shows it as well. 

“You’re the one who is toying with me, and you know it. Deep down.” Yuta bitterly spits out, pulling his arm away from Jaehyun. He knows he’s being more dramatic than he should, but he can’t help that his feelings are hurt by Jaehyun’s mixed signals. 

Yuta pushes his way out, moving away from the counter where he was leaning and towards the front door to leave. He didn’t want to stand there and argue with a man who couldn’t even speak about his feelings without staring at the floor. 

Trying to go to sleep later that night was the worst, Yuta couldn’t stop tossing and turning. He was sure that his kicking of the covers and pulling was keeping Jaehyun awake too, but the younger showed no signs of it, keeping his back turned to Yuta. 

He hadn’t said anything to Yuta when he had come inside, not even goodnight, and Yuta felt like they were back to square one again. 

Yuta was preparing himself to have his heart broken again, this time, by the man he was meant to marry. 

  
  


-

  
  


They caught the 7:30 am train, the sun had just begun to rise and the air wasn’t humid yet, rather still cold and dry. The ride over was peaceful and quiet, as it was early in the morning and no chatter was happening on the train. 

Yuta was quite amazed at how far he could stretch his legs out in first class, as he remembered from when he was little there had barely been any leg room. 

They were provided with breakfast on the train as well, and Yuta ended up eating the rest of Jaehyun’s salmon. He had tried to insist that Jaehyun finish it, but Jaehyun had been the one to slide it over onto his dish. 

He’d been eyeing Yuta all morning, yet he hadn’t tried to make any conversation or address the things Yuta said last night. But that didn’t surprise Yuta. 

He falls asleep before they arrive, and Jaehyun lets him use his jacket as a pillow. Yuta does appreciate how gently Jaehyun wakes him up a few minutes before they arrive at Takedao station, giving him a few minutes to prepare to get off the train. 

Once again, it was like Yuta hadn’t yelled at him the night before, and Jaehyun hadn’t shut him out again. They went back to the way they had been, except it didn’t feel the same. The tension and awkwardness was still stinging in the air. 

They took a taxi to the hotel first, in order to drop their things off there. They’d only be staying for one night of course, but Yuta still felt it was a bit scandalous to be checking in to a hotel before they were even _married_ , as old fashioned as it made him feel, it was ingrained. 

Yuta was quite happy at the size of the suite. The bed was much larger than the one in the guest house, which meant it would be easier to sleep in with two people, and Yuta was also pleased at the connected spacious living room. 

It would get too hot to go hiking, if they waited too long, and Yuta was eager to go and get out into nature. 

Yuta went to the bathroom and undressed from his traveling clothing, changing into a flannel shirt and a dark green jacket that he didn’t care for that much. He had also brought hiking shoes, much to his mother's dismay.

She had never been one to endorse Yuta’s love of the outdoors, it had only irritated her when he had run off to play in the creek or woods as a child instead of staying inside with the tutor. 

Jaehyun was waiting outside the bathroom door when Yuta opened it, and they had a rather awkward encounter, running into each other. 

“Oh. Sorry.” Jaehyun spoke flatly, brushing past Yuta once he was fully out. 

Yuta sighed, walking over to the bed and settling down upon it. 

They finally left, barely sharing any words except for Jaehyun handing Yuta a map he had apparently picked up by the front desk of the hotel. They took a taxi back to the train station where they began their journey on the path up to the abandoned train tracks. 

  
  


-

  
  
  


The short hike is between five and six kilometres, it doesn’t take them that long to get up there. The cherry blossoms that were in bloom due to the spring season created an enchanted accompaniment to the natural scenery. It felt as magical as Yuta had remembered. 

“There’s a river here,” Jaehyun finally spoke up, being the first one to speak between the two of them after almost an unbearably long hour of silence. 

“Yes,” Yuta responded, “when I was little and came here, I went down and waded in the water as well. It was summer back then, though, not spring.” 

“It’s too bad, that it’s too cold.” Jaehyun nodded, kicking at some of the gravel with his boots. 

“Aren’t the flowers that are in bloom pretty?” Yuta asks, more speaking out loud to himself than anything else. 

“You like flowers a lot, hyung?” Jaehyun stops in his tracks, causing Yuta to stop as well. 

“Why, yes, I do. I have liked them since I was little. Don’t you?” 

“Not really. They just make my nose itch.” Jaehyun said, picking his feet back up and continuing to walk. “There’s a lot of different scents here.” 

“Well, lots of different people have been here.” Yuta justified the reason for it. 

Another moment of silence came as they walked, before Yuta decided to use this moment as an advantage. 

“Can I ask you a question?” Yuta doesn’t want to pry, or be nosy, but the topic has been in the back of his mind since Jaehyun’s admission about it the day before. 

“Sure,” Jaehyun pauses, and his eyes flicker, his mouth turning into a hard line as if he already doesn’t like what’s coming. 

“You mentioned your nanny, and how she raised you the most, so I just wanted to ask you where she is now.” Yuta watches as Jaehyun looks out at the scenic view rather than him, and grows fearful that he asked the wrong thing, and had upset him. 

Before Yuta can take it back, the hard lines of Jaehyun’s body soften, and he seems to relax again. He runs a hand through his hair, fixing where it had become messy due to the wind. 

“She did, she was basically more of a mother to me than my own. But, 2 years ago she got pancreatic cancer. She couldn’t beat it, the doctors caught it too late, and the hospital bills were high enough for her already,” Jaehyun paused, and Yuta stopped walking. “I tried to convince my parents to help her out, but they wouldn’t. Insisting that they only spent money on those in their pride.” 

“Jaehyun..” Yuta murmured, feeling a physical ache in his chest just at the thought of Jaehyun losing someone who had practically raised him, and feeling so helpless. “I’m so sorry.” 

“I couldn’t even visit her the last few days. I was busy with some things for school, that don’t even matter now, and I didn’t even see her in her last moments. I’ll probably always regret that.” Jaehyun sounds numb to it as he speaks, but Yuta can detect how the pain is still there. 

They’re both standing at the fork of the old train tracks, facing each other instead of the dark tunnel. 

“Honestly, I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. But, I feel like she’s one of the reasons I’m trying so hard in school. I feel like I have to do right by her, if anything.” Jaehyun shrugged, turning away from Yuta again, as if seeing the pity on his face was too much. 

“I understand, Jaehyun. I can see how you’d want to make a difference. For her.” Yuta reassured him.

“Were you always close to her? Or at first were you a bit hesitant?” Yuta inquired, digging deeper for a happier memory. 

“I was hesitant at first, I can’t lie. But, she made sure to make me feel safe, _and_ to force me to eat everything on my plate, even when I didn’t want to.” Jaehyun laughed, and Yuta smiled. 

“Picky eater, huh?” Yuta teased

“Not anymore, I swear.” Jaehyun chuckles quietly. 

“Here, I’ll get the flashlight out.” Yuta went to grab the flashlight out of the bag he had brought with him, knowing that they couldn’t see the end of the dark tunnel without it. 

It practically looked like a cave at the end, what with how dark it was inside and the musty and cold smell that reeked from the walls. 

Jaehyun seemed to notice the odd smell too. It was almost suffocating. He had a tense look on his face, his eyebrows close together in concentration. 

“It shouldn’t smell that strong in here, even if the infrastructure is collapsing.” Jaehyun glanced down the tunnel, walking ahead of Yuta. 

“Hyung—do you know if there are any purebreds around here? Wolves? In these forests?” 

Yuta shook his head quickly, “I haven’t heard of anything like that, not here.” 

There was a strange scuffling near the end of the tunnel, and Yuta almost pointed his flashlight towards it when Jaehyun took it from his hand and shut it off, pocketing it back into his bag. 

“Jaehyun—“ Yuta was puzzled, he didn’t smell anything that resembled a purebred wolf scent, but his senses weren’t as strong as the alpha’s, he knew that much. 

Purebred werewolves refused to transform into human form, therefore, they were much stronger in wolf form than Yuta or Jaehyun because they utilized their natural bodies and senses much more than they could in human bodies. 

“Shh, hold on.” Jaehyun silenced him before Yuta could speak again, a hand coming over his mouth. 

They walked backwards off the tracks, towards the gravel and tall grass on the side of the wall. Yuta’s heart leaps as the scent finally hits his nose, it’s an overwhelmingly _rusty_ smell, almost metallic as the scent of blood. 

He takes a hard swallow, only able to breathe through his nose due to Jaehyun’s large hand covering over his mouth. 

It felt like there was no air left to breathe in there, the air seemed to be consumed by the scent of the purebred wolf that got closer—and closer. 

“We need to run.” Jaehyun whispers, his eyes wide as he looks directly into Yuta’s already enlarged eyes. 

There’s sound of muffled growling as they start to move back towards the entrance of the tunnel, and Yuta debates for a second what the best option would be. 

“Let’s go, now. Run.” Yuta whispers to Jaehyun who’s right behind him. 

“Yes. You go.” Jaehyun whispers back. “Run, now.” 

“What about you?” Yuta almost exclaims, working hard to keep his voice low at a whisper. He can barely see Jaehyun’s face now that they aren’t in close proximity anymore.

“I’ll be right behind you,” Jaehyun’s voice wavers as he says it, and Yuta doesn’t waste another minute. 

Yuta broke into a sprint on the side of train tracks, his arms powering him and his legs pushing him along. He expanded most of his energy to trying to get out of the dark tunnel as quick as possible, not turning back to look once. 

Which was a mistake. 

He had been so caught up with getting out of the tunnel and running, that he hadn’t noticed how Jaehyun wasn’t behind him. 

Yuta hid behind a large rock that was on the side of the path, hidden behind some tree foliage and branches as well. He sat there, catching his breath. Not _once_ had his fangs or claws tried to come out, a clear indicator that the heat suppressant he took truly had absorbed his ability to transform. 

“Jaehyun?” Yuta whispered, realizing for the first time after being able to catch his breath, that he hadn’t heard footsteps behind him. 

His sweat grew cold, fear consuming his body and mind. He got back up, out from the hiding spot and onto the path again. 

Yuta didn’t see anything down the dark tunnel, but he did hear the terrible sounds of growling and teeth gnashing. Yuta grew terrified, his pulse felt far too fast, and his palms had begun to sweat profusely. 

“Jaehyun!” Yuta called, not caring if purebred wolves came to tear him to shreds as he gave himself away. 

“Jaehyun!”

He ran back into the tunnel without a moment's hesitation, his blood rang in his ears as he did. It felt like an out of body experience, like this wasn’t reality, and it was all some sick and twisted nightmare come to life. 

Yuta shone his flashlight once, and saw the evidence of Jaehyun’s clothing, torn to shreds. He must’ve transformed, Yuta knew right away. 

He ran further down the tunnel, towards the sounds of the fight. It was a face off between two wolves, Yuta quickly realized. There’s a pause, where a grey wolf spots Yuta coming down the tunnel and freezes—but then a black wolf pounces onto it, and they roll, biting and clawing into each other. 

Yuta holds back another scream, dropping his flashlight by mistake as the black wolf takes the grey wolf by the neck after it falls town, flinging it against the walls of the train tracks. The sound of crunching bone rings into Yuta’s ears, along with the whimpering. 

He hears the sound of trotting, and then another body falling to the ground. 

Yuta stumbles in the dark, finally finding his flashlight again. The black wolf was clearly not a purebred, as they came in white and grey fur, rather than the midnight black color of most hybrid werewolf coats. 

It was laying on it's side. It had a slight gash in the side of it's ribs, and Yuta rushed over quickly. He half expected the wolf to bite him out of surprise to him being near, but it didn’t move. 

He could tell right away it was Jaehyun’s wolf form, somehow, on some odd instinct that he didn’t even know he had. Yuta tried to gather his thoughts, placing his hand to the wolf’s neck to feel for it’s pulse. 

It wasn’t too shallow of a pulse, it seemed to just be knocked out, like it had been thrown against something too hard. 

“Jaehyun,” Yuta whispered, “come back,” softly shaking at the wolf’s neck. He needed to transform back into his human form, to fully heal, Yuta knew that much from the bare minimum he had been taught about transfiguring in school. 

In a blank moment, he returned back to human form, still laying on his side, but this time he was covered in sweat and wolf’s blood, and stark naked. Yuta removes his own jacket, placing it over Jaehyun as he still had some decency to do so. 

Jaehyun opens his eyes, coughing up a storm and rolling over onto his back completely. Yuta could see the gash on his chest was still apparent, not having healed fully in his transformation. 

“You didn’t break any bones did you?” Yuta asked, his voice shaking. 

“No, I don’t think so.” Jaehyun’s voice was hoarse. 

Yuta felt consumed with worry. Never in his life had he seen a transformation, it had completely been something he was sheltered from. He had been raised as a civil human being, for the most part, who was taught to look down on those who transformed into wolves as uncivilized and rabid. 

“Come on. We have to get you out of here.” Yuta had collected himself enough to realize they had to get out of there. 

Yuta helped him up, supporting him with one arm. 

He wanted to curse, to yell at Jaehyun for doing what he did and staying back to protect Yuta and fight that wolf. For lying to him, and saying he’d be right behind him. 

But he couldn’t do that with Jaehyun’s current state. It would have to wait. 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


The cab driver had rightfully asked if Yuta wanted to be taken to the hospital with him, which Jaehyun had shaken his head at. It was _odd_ that he didn’t want to be seen at a hospital, Yuta thought, but he let it pass. 

Jaehyun wasn’t completely exposed in the cab car. Yuta had luckily brought a pair of sweats, just incase his jeans had gotten wet with mud or they had visited the onsen at the end of the trail, but evidently, things hadn’t gone like they were supposed to. 

Yuta knew it looked odd, when they showed up in the hotel lobby. Yuta was clutching and helping Jaehyun walk, who was dressed in only a jacket and sweatpants, completely barefoot, up to the hotel room. 

Jaehyun collapsed onto the couch when they got to the hotel room, insisting he just wanted to rest for “5 minutes.”

Yuta went down the front desk, and asked if they had any first aid kits, to which they gave him an odd look, but handed him one anyways. 

Jaehyun was soundly asleep when he got back to the room, but he had beads of sweat dripping down his forehead, and his hair was practically soaked from it. The wound had gotten darker, and Yuta’s brows knitted together. 

He needed a doctor, a real one, and Yuta didn’t understand why he had shaken his head at the suggestion of a hospital. He undid the safely buckle on the first aid kit, examining what they had in it. 

Yuta first went to grab water, and a wet towel, deciding to try to disinfect the wound first. He forced Jaehyun to sit up, watching carefully to make sure he drank all the water. 

His pupils were still odd-looking, and he didn’t seem fully returned to his normal, human self yet. Yuta also heard that it was common for a fever to break out after transforming. 

Yuta wiped the excess blood from his chest and ribs, silently working away to disinfect the wound with some of the hydrogen peroxide he found from the first aid kit. Jaehyun hisses, clenching his teeth even in his state. 

To Yuta’s surprise, seemed to be healing faster, at least, his limbs didn’t look as limp anymore and the sweating on his neck and forehead had become less. Jaehyun did come from a line of strong alpha wolves, who had evolved from purebreds. 

Yuta knew the wound would be reduced to a scratch in a matter of time. 

He placed one bandage on it for now, not wanting to risk infection. Jaehyun had his eyes closed again, seeming to have fallen back asleep. 

The sound of his ragged breathing in his sleep made Yuta’s heart ache softly, more pain filling his chest. The silence went on for a while, as Yuta cleaned everything up. 

Yuta thought back to his moment of panic, when he, for a split second, thought that Jaehyun had been defeated. He couldn’t even fathom how drastically his life would have changed if he had lost him right there. 

He glanced down at his own clothing, realizing his shirt had been stained with some excess blood during the cleaning process. 

Without thinking, Yuta walked over to his suitcase, lifting his shirt off in the process. 

It took him a second to notice the rustling sounds on the couch, feeling Jaehyun’s eyes burning into his back suddenly. He had no time to care about that now. 

Yuta put on a new shirt, and turned back around. Jaehyun was sitting there, without suspicion, like he hadn’t just sat up to watch Yuta change his shirt. 

“What you did,” Yuta sat back down on the end of the couch, “was very stupid.” 

Jaehyun leaned into the couch, wincing a bit, but his face showed no sign of remorse. 

“I did what I had to do in that situation. We couldn't outrun those purebreds. No matter how hard we tried.” He whispered at length. 

“You could’ve gotten yourself killed, Jaehyun.” Yuta tried his best to hide the trembling in his voice, to no avail. “And for what?” 

“I didn’t have any other choice, Yuta.” He gritted out, turning his cheek away from Yuta, as if he had any right to be mad at him in this situation. He was so strong-willed that sometimes, Yuta felt like he was suffocating. 

“Yes, you did.” Yuta finished the conversation for both of them, placing a new cold rag upon Jaehyun’s forehead. 

“I’ll go out, to get you some soup and more medicine. Stay here, and call me if you need anything.” Yuta muttered, throwing his jean jacket on. 

It had begun to rain, sometime, but Yuta didn’t know when and he didn’t care. As he walked down the steps, the events of that day kept replaying in his mind. His head was a complete mess, throbbing now due to all the stress at once. 

Jaehyun was never going to be his savior, and Yuta wasn’t going to be his either. It didn’t work like that. Yuta knew it didn’t. He couldn’t understand why Jaehyun would risk his life, all to ensure that Yuta lived. 

It wasn’t until he was alone, outside and in the rain, that Yuta started to cry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo, were you guys expecting /that/ kind of drama? what’d you think? i don’t really write much supernatural or action stuff ever so i thought i’d try for this fic, i won’t focus much on it later in the fic. it’s just a plot device to get things going really!! they kind of need something to push them closer ;) 
> 
> thank you for reading as always, leave any comments, thoughts, questions—anything!! ❤️❤️


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear the constant updates will stop eventually, but whoo! i got inspo again :) i hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

Yuta returned a little while later with the soup and medicine. He knew that his eyes were significantly reddened compared to when he had left, due to all the tears he had let out while he had been away from Jaehyun. Even Yuta’s nose had grown red too, and frankly, he looked like the sicker one between the two of them now. 

Jaehyun had healed even more with another hour, more rest had done him well enough that he could take a shower without risking damage. Yuta supposed that’s why he didn’t want to go a hospital. There was no point. 

Yuta splashes water onto his own face in the small kitchen sink, tucking his fallen hair back behind his ears. He had felt too much for one day, and was exhausted enough as it was. 

Jaehyun came out of the shower and Yuta briefly scanned his appearance, he wore black jeans, and a black button-up shirt, but the shirt wasn’t buttoned, and his bare chest was still fully exposed, with the gash showing. It made Yuta feel immense guilt. 

“How are you?” Yuta questioned, his arms crossed. 

“Fine. Thanks to the painkillers. You didn’t have to go out and get some, you know. I packed plenty of my own.” Jaehyun sat down on the bed, pulling his socks on. 

Yuta approached where he was sitting, not trusting Jaehyun’s words. He watched as Jaehyun looked up at him, in confusion, as Yuta placed his palm to his forehead, feeling there. 

“You’re still burning up. Your fever is running hot.” Yuta said, his voice tense as ever. 

“That’s just the effect you have on me, dear.” Jaehyun tried to smile, but it only ticked Yuta off more. Yuta couldn’t quite understand how he could be in the mood to play around, after what had happened in the past few hours, it baffled him. Especially when Yuta felt like he’d gone to hell and back. 

”Can you ever be serious?” Yuta laid down on the bed, sighing as his head hit the pillow. 

“Sometimes.” Jaehyun spoke weakly, laying down on the pillow next to Yuta’s. He was laying on his side without the gash, and Yuta could easily see the wound from this angle. It made him wince, just thinking of all the agony and peril Jaehyun must have been feeling at that moment.

Instead of continuing to torture himself with his thoughts, Yuta got up, and began cook some instant soup on the small yet functioning stovetop. He was sure that it wouldn’t be anything compared to the cuisine they were both accustomed to, but he knew Jaehyun needed to eat regardless. 

When Yuta was finished he brought the bowl over on a tray, not quite used to taking care of someone, as he had never really been in a position like that, but he was now. 

He set it down on the nightstand and softly shook Jaehyun’s shoulder, waking him up from another slumber. 

“Hey. You need to try to eat something.” Yuta speaks flatly, trying hard again to not show the blatant concern hidden in his voice.

Jaehyun takes one look at the soup, then flicks his eyes back on Yuta. “I’m not hungry.” Jaehyun grumbles. 

“You’re only saying that because it’s not the five star cuisine you’re used to.” Yuta rolls his eyes, scooting closer on the bed and picking the spoon up himself. He had every intention of forcing Jaehyun to eat the soup even if he didn’t want to. 

Yuta tried to bring it up to his lips, but Jaehyun turned away.“I can’t believe you, seriously. How am I meant to nurse you back to health when you won’t even eat the food I worked so hard to prepare?” Yuta sadly turned away, trying his best to be pitiful. 

“It took you like five minutes—“ Jaehyun pauses, as if to think, “will it really upset you that much if I don’t eat your soup?” Yuta starts to think that his acting is working based on this question. 

“Yes,” Yuta sighs, petulant. He parts his hair away from his neck, pushing it over to the side. 

“Baby, I almost feel bad for you.” Jaehyun mocks. Yuta’s stomach does a flip, just at how Jaehyun phrases it. Referring to Yuta as ‘ _baby,’_ even as a joke, was enough to fluster him. 

Yuta feels his neck grow hot, and ignores him, trying to feed him the soup again to no avail. This time, Jaehyun pushes his hand away. 

“God,” Yuta sighs, exasperated. He sets the spoon down, and in one quick motion, he settles on top of Jaehyun’s legs, straddling over him without having to try. 

“You are _going_ to eat this soup,” Yuta decides, stubbornly. 

Jaehyun looks pleasantly surprised at Yuta’s confidence, settling his eyes on where Yuta was straddling him, yet holding himself up so that he wasn’t pressed fully against him. Yuta blushes subtly, ignoring the implication of it all. 

This time, when he brings the soup to Jaehyun’s lip, Jaehyun accepts it. Yuta feels satisfied in himself, but also irritated that he had to practically force him to eat the soup. 

“Do you want me to keep feeding you?” Yuta complains, his wrist already becoming sore and his thighs growing tighter from how he has been holding himself up so that he wasn’t _entirely_ on Jaehyun’s lap. 

“If you’ll stay like that, then yes.” Jaehyun grins, enjoying it way too much.

“I’m only doing this because you almost died.” Yuta justifies, feeling nervous as he watches Jaehyun’s bare chest rise and fall. Yuta leans down to get more soup onto the spoon. 

Jaehyun steadies Yuta with one hand, as Yuta clumsily leans forward and stumbles a bit. The circle of Jaehyun’s hand around his hip was enough to make Yuta go crazy, or, he felt as if he could. 

His eyes grow wide when he realizes he had pressed his palm to Jaehyun’s chest in the process of trying to catch himself, and was definitely all the way on top of his lap now. His chest muscle was toned and hard under Yuta’s touch, and Yuta noticed how he had a small freckle on his lower stomach, before realizing he was staring way too long again. 

Yuta can smell the notes of peppermint stinging his nose, along with the dark and earthy under notes of Jaehyun’s clean scent. He feels goosebumps form on his skin, both of them not breaking eye contact once. 

The spoon falls with a clink, as Jaehyun makes the swift movement of sitting up, his hands still wrapped tightly around Yuta’s hips as he pushed them both down onto the bed, with Yuta on his back. 

Yuta has spent enough time around alpha’s to know that anytime wolf instincts were activated, their pride in themselves and confidence became a lot stronger, way more than it needed to be. He could tell that the transformation had indeed brought this out in Jaehyun, and he was looking to assert himself somewhere. 

He lets out a surprised noise when Jaehyun grips at one of his hands, pinning his wrist up above his head. Jaehyun’s free hand grips tight against his thigh for a moment, then moves away. Yuta tries to pull his hand away, but to no avail. Jaehyun holds his other arm above Yuta’s head, and Yuta can just tell he’s only doing it so that Yuta can see his arm flex. Yuta scoffs. 

“I wouldn’t have lost, just so you know.” Jaehyun cocks his head to the side, down at Yuta. 

Yuta just scoffs and rolls his eyes, glaring up at him before speaking through clenched teeth, “I hope your ego matches the size of your—“ 

“Oh, I can promise you now, I won’t disappoint.” Jaehyun’s lips twisted into a playful smile at their banter, and there's something unreadable about his gaze, his lower lip caught between his teeth. He seems to notice how Yuta was practically squirming under him.

This position leaves even more implications in Yuta’s mind, especially with Jaehyun in between his legs, shirtless, and leaning over him. It was overwhelming for Yuta, to say the least. 

“Get off,” Yuta grunts out lowly, breaking the tense staring contest they had been holding. “Jae—“ 

Jaehyun doesn’t answer him, and instead he leans down to Yuta’s neck. In one swift motion, his nose brushes up against Yuta’s scent gland. Yuta inevitably grows even more embarrassed as Jaehyun takes his natural scent in. He holds his eyes shut and forces himself to stay silent, gripping with one hand at the back of Jaehyun’s head. He hadn’t even realized his hand had found its way there. 

“You smell so sweet,” Jaehyun mutters against his skin, still caressing his neck with his nose and lips, “like an aphrodisiac, I swear. I can’t get enough of it.” 

He feels his pulse jump and hopes Jaehyun doesn’t notice. Upon his underlying instincts which he was working hard to suppress, Yuta wanted to lean up and scent him as well, but he had the self control to stop himself from doing so. _Barely._

If it wasn’t for the tough resolve Yuta had built up inside, he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t have allowed it to change into something further. Jaehyun’s lips were so close to his neck, Yuta felt he was going to kiss the skin there any second. 

Yuta dug his heel into the lower part of Jaehyun’s back, successfully making him move off. Jaehyun lets out a hiss at the pain, and Yuta would’ve felt bad if he wasn’t being such an _asshole,_ and not listening to him. 

“I don’t understand your behavior. We can’t just act like nothing happened, especially when it was a matter of life or death.” Yuta settles back down, ignoring how Jaehyun winced as he laid down, obviously playing the injury up in an attempt to make Yuta feel pity.

His shoulder muscles flexed, or that was part of his body healing. Yuta couldn’t tell, but either way, the defined muscles were beautiful. _God,_ Yuta cursed himself—he couldn’t stand how much he was attracted to him. 

“Look, Yuta, I didn’t break any bones. I might have a flesh wound and a small fever but other than that I’m fine. You don’t have to feel bad about it.” Jaehyun spoke, as if Yuta needed to be coddled.

“It’s not _about_ that, Jaehyun. Do you realize what would’ve happened if something had happened to you? I—can’t even imagine my life without you. I hate seeing you be so careless.” Yuta felt goosebumps form, a chill running through his whole body just at the thought of what could’ve happened in his mind. 

“I’m sorry, that you got scared,” Jaehyun’s eyes twinged with a hint of anger, “but I couldn’t let anything happen to you. It was too much of a risk.” 

“Why? Why couldn’t you just _trust_ that I could take care of myself?” Yuta replies, laying on his side now too, so that they were face to face. 

Jaehyun’s face was pale of color, and still a bit feverish, but those perfect, soft eyes stared down at him. 

“Because, Yuta,” Jaehyun took a heavy breath, his chest rising and falling slowly. “If something happened to you, I don’t even want to think of the person I’d become.” 

Yuta slowly shook his head. “Then why do you resist me whenever things get serious?” Yuta sniffed, feeling as Jaehyun’s fingers brushed up against his own, where their hands were laying on the bed. He couldn’t read his mixed signals, but Yuta had gotten his hopes up too many times to read too hard into Jaehyun’s actions. 

“You’re too good for me. You always will be.” Jaehyun turned away first, onto his back. He winced a little, putting his hand on the side of his head. 

“And what gives _you_ the right to decide that?” Yuta sat up from where he had been laying on the bed, looking a bit offended at the words Jaehyun had said. He didn’t answer, much to Yuta’s own irritation. 

“Why don’t you think that people see the good in you, Jaehyun?” Yuta pressed deeper, disregarding how Jaehyun had closed his eyes, as if it would make Yuta go away. 

“There is nothing to see,” Jaehyun muttered, low enough that Yuta could barely hear him. 

“You’re wrong.” Yuta continued to stand his ground, turning away from Jaehyun completely. He laid back down onto the bed, but only because the day had been stressful, and he wanted to rest. 

  
  


-  
  


When Yuta awoke from his small nap, he found that Jaehyun was burning up again after leaning over to feel his forehead. Yuta panicked. The younger was asleep, out cold, but Yuta could see he was visibly sweating and his breathing was shallow. 

He rushed to get water, and another cold rag, holding it to his forehead. Yuta then went to search for a thermometer, knowing that could at least get him to figure out what was wrong. 

When he returned, Jaehyun had opened his eyes again. 

“Hey,” Jaehyun smiled lazily, holding his hand up weakly to grab the hem of Yuta’s sweater, “Come back to bed.” 

Yuta shook his head at him, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“Open your mouth,” Yuta insisted, very determined to be the best caretaker he could in this situation. 

“I’m not sick,” Jaehyun grumbled, turning his face away from Yuta’s again. 

“You’re childish.” Yuta sighed, leaning closer and pulling Jaehyun’s chin back towards him with his hand. He gently kept his hand on his face as he took his temperature, despite Jaehyun’s protests. 

“But I’m telling you,” Jaehyun sat up higher on the pillows Yuta had stacked behind his back, “I’m not sick.” 

Yuta slowly took in his appearance, his dark brown hair was pushed out from his face, due to the sweat, which left his face looking oddly clean. The jeans he wore were low waisted and showcased the v-line cut of his abdomen, which Yuta had already observed earlier, with a bit too much enthusiasm. 

He slowly realized he had made a habit out of ogling Jaehyun’s body, not that it was out of objectification, but more so, _appreciation_ for someone so sculpted as Jaehyun was. 

Yuta was so distracted with examining Jaehyun, that he didn’t notice the younger man had been watching him too. Jaehyun grabbed Yuta’s wrist, pulling him closer with a strength Yuta didn’t expect in his state. 

“Do I seem sick now?” Jaehyun taunted, the side of his mouth quirking up. 

Yuta felt himself swallow, deeply. 

Everything about Jaehyun’s voice and behavior seemed even more alpha-like after he had transformed, and while Yuta had established in his mind that it had to do with being reminded of his wolf tendencies, Yuta couldn’t stop thinking about how Jaehyun kept _gazing_ at Yuta with such a starved look, that it made him nervous. 

“Y-yes,” Yuta turned away from him, unable to look into his eyes. 

“Where’s your ring?” Jaehyun asked, a puzzled look on his face, only now noticing it was missing from Yuta’s finger. He almost sounded hurt. 

“I took it off before we left for the hike.” Yuta answered blankly, feeling awkward as Jaehyun examined his hand all while Yuta was turned away from him. 

“You’ll put it back on, right?” Jaehyun sounded oddly paranoid, and Yuta gawked at him. 

“Yes, obviously, Jaehyun.” He stated, a bit more harshly than needed. Yuta crawled back onto his side of the bed, allowing Jaehyun to continue to hold his hand even as he moved. 

“Pretty hands,” Yuta could tell Jaehyun was grinning as he spoke, even without looking at him. It was something about the way his voice seemed to curl deeply with his words. 

Yuta had just turned onto his side, avoiding eye contact with Jaehyun, when he felt lips ghost against his palm, a bit shocked at the sensation. 

Jaehyun was holding his hand up to his face, his lips practically kissing against his fingers with the way they brushed along each one. 

“What—what are you doing?” Yuta pulled his hand away, and Jaehyun just smiled at him. _It has to be the pain meds_ , Yuta thought now. Jaehyun kept playing around with him, like he was some kind of toy that he enjoyed to wind up. 

_Not that Yuta actually minded it, though._

Jaehyun tilted Yuta’s chin up with two fingers, causing him to look into his eyes. “Look at you,” Jaehyun smirked, “so cute.” 

Yuta’s heart starts to beat faster, feeling hot all over, and suddenly he begins to wonder if taking those suppressants is even worth it. _They don’t seem to be doing much,_ Yuta thinks. He sighs and lays back down once again, determined to just sleep whatever feelings he had away. 

It was impossible to do, however, with Jaehyun practically breathing on him. The bed had plenty of room, yet Jaehyun was right next to him, on his side, staring down and watching Yuta try to fall back asleep. 

Jaehyun brushes his fingers against Yuta’s neck, causing him to shudder inwardly. He opens his eyes again, to find the young alpha much closer again, leaning down on his side, but ducking his head down so that their faces were closer. 

“Jaehyun,” Yuta’s pulse quickens again, as his chest starts to rise and fall with more apparentness. Yuta licks his lips, realizing too late that making eye contact was a mistake. 

Jaehyun’s eyes are darker, as they tilt down to watch how Yuta shivers at the ghosting touch on his neck. “You’re beautiful.” 

It was a simple thing to say, but it made Yuta’s heart swell nonetheless. It wasn’t often that comments like that came without warranting from Jaehyun. 

Yuta allows Jaehyun to continue to trail his fingers over him, not minding his touch as it’s gentle and comforting. It’s only when his thumb begins to brush Yuta’s lower lip that Yuta feels himself grow tense, and he’s sure Jaehyun can feel his breathing become heavier. 

He parts Yuta’s lips with his thumb, and Yuta allows this too, taking the finger gently between his lips. Neither of them dared to speak, or pull away. Jaehyun seemed to be mesmerized by how willing Yuta was. Yuta himself was slowly growing concerned at his newfound eagerness—which seemed to lead him to follow whatever Jaehyun wanted. 

Jaehyun unhooks his thumb from his lip, swiping once over his lower lip and then pulling his hand away. In a split second the moment is over, and Jaehyun goes back to laying silently beside him. 

It had felt hypnotic, like Yuta was under some trance, which had been put on him by Jaehyun only. 

The soft sound of the rain seemed to grow louder with their silence, pattering down on the roof with equaled force now. Yuta stared up at Jaehyun in the dim light that came from the windows and the candles he had lit earlier. 

Despite everything, Jaehyun stares down at Yuta like he’s the only person in the world who matters at that moment. Yuta blinks up at him, confused. He didn’t understand how he could feel so special, just based on how the younger was looking at him. It didn’t seem real. 

Yuta leans up to fix the hair that fell down onto Jaehyun’s forehead, not missing how the touch seems to brighten his expression. 

His heart continues to ache. Yuta decides he can’t bear it any longer, suddenly feeling like if he stays in Jaehyun’s presence any longer, he won’t last. It burned deep inside Yuta’s stomach, he desperately yearned for Jaehyun’s touch, all over his body. And it was wrong, because Yuta had _told_ himself he’d get hurt if he let someone new in, he had _told_ himself to treat this marriage as a business deal, and nothing more. But Yuta just had to get his feelings caught up in the mix. 

“Where are you going?” Jaehyun sat up on his elbows as Yuta stumbled off the large bed, his legs the slightest bit wobbly. 

“To the store. I need shampoo, and something to eat. You stay here, and finish the soup in the microwave _yourself.”_ Yuta avoided Jaehyun’s eyes, which were still eyeing him even as he walked away. 

  
  


-

  
  


On the way down to the corner store, Yuta had called Doyoung. He had texted first and asked him if he was available to talk, and once he had said yes, Yuta hadn’t waited another second to call. 

It was hard to explain everything that had happened that day, but Doyoung seemed amused by it all regardless. Apart from the rather traumatizing event with the wolves, of course. 

“I mean, not to sound harsh or anything but, why didn’t you just sleep with him?” 

“Because, if he—if we slept together then, it would just be out of him trying to take his primal needs out. We can’t really help that we are meant to be mates, but being stuck with him in a hotel room _alone_ isn’t helping at all.” Yuta says in a hushed tone. 

“Yeah, I’d say you’re doomed.” Doyoung sounded as if he found something funny. 

“Please, try to have a little faith in me.” Yuta asks, already exasperated enough himself. If his best friend didn’t think he’d make it, then Yuta was worried he’d lose his own confidence that he would be strong enough. 

They talked a bit longer on the phone until Yuta reached the corner store, where he found some shampoo that would do well enough and some frozen meals, which wasn’t exactly a dinner, but would have to work. 

Yuta hadn’t bothered or thought much about his appearance when he had left, wearing a low cut sweater with his coat. Yuta didn’t take into account that he would catch any attention. 

That was, until he noticed a man had been following him for a couple of minutes since he had left the store. The man had been behind him in line, but Yuta hadn’t thought much of it, far too caught up in his own mind. 

It was dark out, and he didn’t exactly enjoy being followed by some stranger. Yuta was dreading the seconds, trying to quicken his pace as he walked. 

Yuta knew how risky it could be in quiet, poor-lit areas, it was commonly rumored that groups of older and lonely alphas hung around these commonly tourist-centric neighborhoods, with the intention of proving themselves to single omegas, or each other. They gathered near alleys, corner stores, old apartment buildings, local bars, any place where they wouldn’t be kicked out. 

“Hey,” The man called, in a gruff voice to him. Yuta ignored it. 

“You okay?” The man is standing closer to him now, as they wait for the crosswalk. Yuta almost debates walking into oncoming traffic.

“Yeah, sure,” Yuta mutters, trying to prove his disinterest with his tone and lack of making eye contact with this stranger. 

Yuta sees him grin out of the corner of his eye, “So you do speak, then?” The guy makes an attempt at a joke, and Yuta doesn’t laugh. 

“Why aren’t you marked, pretty omega?” The man is far too close now, and Yuta recoils at his breath. Thankfully, the signal turns and Yuta begins to walk across the street. 

“You aren’t gonna answer me?” The guy yells after him, and Yuta begins to bite his lip out of nervous habit. He hated this, he didn’t need this at all today, or ever really, but _especially_ today. 

“Leave me alone!” Yuta shouts back, angrily. Yuta flipped him the middle finger, signally for him to _fuck right off._ He had enough and if this guy wasn’t going to get lost, he wasn’t going to bother being quiet or polite anymore. 

The man clearly doesn’t like this, but still jogs up to Yuta. He has the audacity to grab at Yuta’s arm as he’s walking, to which Yuta pushes it off. “Get away from me. I’m not interested. Can’t you take a hint?” Yuta snaps. 

“Just wanna know what a pretty omega like you is doing out here, unmarked.” The guy claims innocence, shrugging at him. 

Yuta scoffs, realizing this sicko wasn’t going to leave him alone for the next block probably. Yuta decided to make a detour into the coffee shop by the hotel, leading him away from where his actual location was. He didn’t need some creep knowing where he was staying. In the process of practically jogging, Yuta had turned the corner too sharply and tripped, scraping his knee in the process but he didn’t care, as long as he got out of earshot of the man. 

The inside of the coffee shop was crowded, which for once, he was thankful for. Yuta had settled down at a booth in the back, catching his breath and looking behind him to make sure he wasn’t being followed. 

“I’m sorry, do we know each other?” A voice spoke, and Yuta turned back, quickly becoming embarrassed as he realized he had sat down in a taken booth. 

“Oh,” Yuta caught his breath, “sorry. I didn’t see this was taken.” 

“It’s not a problem,” the stranger across from him stopped typing on his laptop to smile. 

He had glasses on, which Yuta wasn’t sure if they were for style or necessity, and blonde hair with lavender streaks scattered in the locks. He had a somewhat godly face or—a face that made him seem too perfect to be real, like he’d walked off the pages of a magazine.

“You seem out of breath, are you okay?” He inquired, clearly realizing something was up. Yuta felt safer telling this stranger as he didn’t seem like a pervert, just a normal human being in a coffee shop. 

“Some guy was following me, so I dipped into here, and now here I am.” Yuta nodded, realizing it probably sounded a bit sad and pathetic that he was walking the streets alone at night. 

“Oh my god,” the guy seems genuinely horrified by Yuta’s admission, “that’s so terrible, you can stay here as long as you need. Do you have a phone? Someone to call?” The stranger’s kindness is unexpected, but Yuta appreciates it nonetheless.

“My hotel isn’t that far now, and I’ll just walk once I’m sure that guy is gone. Don’t worry, thank you though.” Yuta deflects it, forcing a smile. 

“You can stay here if you want, I really don’t mind the company.” The guy gestures to his multiple coffee cops on the side, “I’ve just been working here all afternoon, and into the evening now I guess. I’m sure they are tired of me occupying this booth, but, you gotta do what you gotta do.”

Yuta laughed, finding genuine honesty from him to be admirable. 

“I’m Taeyong, by the way, Lee Taeyong. And you are?” Yuta is happy he can finally put a name to the big-eyed stranger’s face. 

“Yuta. Nakamoto Yuta.” 

They shake hands across the table, and both share a laugh. Yuta hoped his hand wasn’t too shaky or sweaty. 

“So, what do you do?” Yuta asks, gesturing to the computer. Yuta had made a short guess that he was Korean based on what he had seen him typing through the reflection of the window, but he was glad that he hadn’t been wrong. 

“I’m an event planner. Anniversaries, Birthday parties, Weddings, Holiday’s—all the best stuff.” Taeyong sounded sarcastic as he said it, taking another sip from his iced drink. 

“Oh gosh, it sounds like you deal with a _lot_ of client work.” Yuta smiles softly, folding his hands in his lap. He was finally starting to calm down again, thanks to the unexpected familiarity in this stranger. 

“Please, it’s basically all I do,” Taeyong shrugs, smiling as well, “what about you?” 

“Hm, that’s a long story. I think I’ll have to get a coffee before I tell you that one.” 

  
  


-

Yuta walked back to his hotel with Taeyong too, after they found out their hotels were in the same block. Yuta had stayed at the cafe for about an hour or so, but he didn’t think much of it. It had only taken him so long because of the rude stranger who had followed him. 

They had bid goodbye, and Yuta had gladly accepted one of his business cards. Taeyong seemed like a nice person, and Yuta knew he wouldn’t mind seeing him again. 

When he inserted the key card, and turned the door, he almost jumped back when he was met with Jaehyun directly at the other side. 

“Jae—“ Yuta paused, reading the expression on his face, “what are you doing up out of bed?” 

“I’m healing just fine, I got tired of lying down actually.” Jaehyun muttered, closing the door behind Yuta. 

_But not healed enough to button your shirt,_ Yuta thought to himself. 

“It took you a long time to get that stuff.” Jaehyun took the bag from Yuta, peeking inside. 

Yuta grabbed it back, scoffing at his entitlement. “I couldn’t find the right shampoo.” Yuta didn’t like lying to him. It made his throat feel choked up, and he couldn’t look Jaehyun in the eyes. 

“I was worried about you.” Jaehyun turns away from him, slumping back over to the bed. 

“I wasn’t in any trouble, Jaehyun.” Yuta tries to sound reassuring. 

“Don’t go anywhere else without me. It’s not safe to go places alone at night.” Jaehyun warns, his tone finally had become serious, and it made Yuta feel a bit funny, to hear that deep voice used in a commanding setting. 

“What are you gonna do, if I do?” Yuta teases, removing his jacket and heading over to his suitcase. 

He thought back earlier, to the rush of running away from that creep and then meeting a nice man in the coffee shop. Jaehyun didn’t need to know about any of that. 

“I’m serious, Yuta. I don’t think it’s safe out there.” Jaehyun was suddenly right behind him, his strong arm linking around Yuta’s waist. It was surprising, that he initiated skinship again, but Yuta wasn’t in the mood to be touched by him, he found the clinging touch to be suffocating at that moment. 

“I can handle myself.” Yuta bitterly snapped back, shaking off his arm and grabbing his clothing. He headed into the bathroom. Yuta was a pro at handling things all by himself, that’s what he had done, since forever, and it’s what he would always do. 

Yuta undressed, turning the shower all the way to hot and standing underneath the burning water, not caring how it hurt. He noticed the scrape on his knee was actually pretty bad, realizing he would need to apply some ointment to it before he got dressed. 

The shower water left steam on his skin as he scrubbed at his hair, trying his best not to think too hard about the look on Jaehyun’s face when he’d answered the door so quickly, or how he had seemed so relieved to see Yuta’s face. Yuta was also plagued by the thought of the slightly pained expression on his face when Yuta had pulled his arm away. Yuta regretted how he had reacted towards these advances, feeling tears brim at the corner of his eyes due to his foolish behavior. 

He stayed in until the water ran cold, only then did he leave the bathroom. He first left to get ointment for his scratch, fully dressed in one of the hotel’s complimentary robes. He was quite thankful Jaehyun was already in bed, eyes closed. 

Yuta looked in the mirror once before he shut the lights off, he had pulled his wet hair back with a ponytail, but loose strands fell down due to the hair being too wet to hold in place. His face was raw, and bare. He noticed his eyes looked shiny, as if he had been crying a lot, but he had really only cried a _bit_.

He pulled the covers up and tucked into bed, completely on the other side of the bed from Jaehyun. He was certain that the other was asleep, until he felt a familiar warmth move closer to him. Yuta didn’t look. 

Yuta felt slightly disappointed when he didn’t feel any familiar arms circle around him, and wondered if Jaehyun had fallen asleep this time for real. “Are you going to hold me?” Yuta sighs, shivering slightly thanks to his wet hair. That’s what he blames it on, internally, the fact that his cold hair was causing his teeth to chatter. 

“Do you want me to?” Jaehyun asks slowly, his voice sounded rather husky due to being half asleep, and Yuta couldn’t deny how endearing it was. It did sting a bit that he felt he had to ask now, since Yuta had pushed his affection away earlier. 

“Yes, I’m cold—and, I—“ Yuta can barely form the words, his throat closing up, “I need you, I need your touch.” 

Jaehyun just nods, wrapping one hand around Yuta’s waist and the other free hand begins to rub at his back, soothing him there. Yuta was unsure why Jaehyun was the one comforting him, when it didn’t really seem fair given _he_ was the one who had fought the battle that day. 

Their legs had become tangled together under the covers as they both moved in closer, Yuta no longer caring about how intimately they were pressed together now. 

Jaehyun seems to like taking care of Yuta like this, and Yuta wonders if it brings him comfort too. He can see Jaehyun’s eyes are open in the dark, but he isn’t moving away, nor speaking. 

“Jaehyun,” Yuta starts, forcing his eyes to stay wide, fighting sleep which he felt was coming soon due to the warmth their bodies had found together. “I want to thank you. I know I said what you did was stupid, but, you saved me.” Yuta feels like the darkness in the room takes away some of the gravity of what he says, and how late in the night it was. He could easily brush it off in the morning. 

“I would do it the same, over again,” Jaehyun admits, before pausing, “I should thank you too, for taking care of me even when I’m insufferable.” Jaehyun lets out a small laugh, to which Yuta responds with his own. 

“I did it because I wanted to, not because I had to.” Yuta responds honestly, as he truly would not have taken care of anyone else that way, except for Jaehyun. 

They both link their free hands atop the covers, Yuta stroking Jaehyun’s thumb with his own. Yuta’s soft breathing matches up with Jaehyun’s and soon he rolls back over, feeling more than content and safe in Jaehyun’s arms. He’s tired more than anything else, Yuta sighs and drifts off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading and sticking with this story! i hope y’all enjoy chapter 7 when it comes cause while i’m not sure when i’ll have it up, i can spoil and say that things are about to get a lot hotter. (oops) 
> 
> i love any comments, so feel free to say whatever you want!
> 
> (p.s. yes taeyong is gonna reappear again later, he was in this chap for a reason)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo i’m really nervous about this chapter!!! i’m not sure and i’m worried, but i hope you guys enjoy regardless :) see you at the end 
> 
> p.s. not beta read as always and i hope there aren’t any major errors

Yuta was deep in sleep, but his mind was very awake.

He dreamed, seeing himself inside a large house he had never been in before. The walls were white, and Yuta could see specks of dust floating in the air from the sunlight that came in from the large windows. There was minimal furniture, it was all grey or black. He didn’t know who had chosen the design, but it surely couldn’t have been a choice he made. Yuta was wandering around the house, as if he was searching for someone, but he didn’t know who. 

Then large, warm hands were around him, pressing him up against a cold wall, it felt like brick under his touch. Yuta softly leans into the touch, reaching for the body behind him. He isn’t sure what he’s doing now. 

“Yuta,” a voice whispered right next to his ear, and he could hardly tell if it was dream or reality. _Or which one he wanted it to be._ He felt lips against his earlobe, trailing the skin there gently. He moaned, and then he was being turned around by his waist. 

Yuta was met face to face with Jaehyun; except he looked older, more matured, and his hair was styled neatly. He wore a tie and a white collared shirt. “You’re home early,” a voice said, and Yuta slowly recognizes it as his own. 

“You always know I try to get off early on Fridays.” Jaehyun grinned, and pressed a kiss to Yuta’s face, right on his cheek. 

Yuta smiled, and then he was patting softly at his own stomach, which was more of a bump now. As he glanced down at himself, he saw that he wore a white shirt, in thin material, and some jeans. “Are you gonna give them a kiss too?” 

Jaehyun was chuckling, and then he was kneeling down, and pressing several kisses to Yuta’s clothed, slightly raised, stomach. Jaehyun was suddenly resting the side of his head to Yuta’s stomach, as if to listen. Yuta carded his hands through his hair, and smiled endearingly down at him. 

Yuta woke with a start, kicking his legs out of the covers. _Pregnant? With twins?_ He thought, fully escaping the dream and coming back to reality. He grumbled, rubbing his eyes. It was odd, how real the dream had felt. And what a weird dream it had been too. He shuddered a little, as he thought it over. Yuta glanced over at the clock and realized the sun wasn’t even up yet, it was only 5:45 am.

Yuta gently moved, rather glad that Jaehyun was such a heavy sleeper because he didn’t seem to notice Yuta leaving at all. 

He went to the bathroom, splashing water onto his face. “It was only a dream.” Yuta whispered to himself, patting his face dry with a towel. “Just a dream. It doesn’t mean anything.” 

  
  


-

  
  


The morning had come too soon. Jaehyun had woken up first, which wasn’t much of a surprise. Yuta had felt him leave, when his arms had slowly moved from Yuta’s body, as if he was trying his best not to wake him. Yuta had practically been clinging to him, sort of remembering how he had hooked a leg over Jaehyun’s torso and buried his face against his chest, and Yuta felt his cheeks begin to burn. 

Yuta rolled over into the spot he had been laying in, feeling the leftover warmth. Yuta slowly realized he was growing way too used to having Jaehyun’s arms around him and his presence in bed with him, and going back home and sleeping without him would be painful. 

In truth, Yuta was more of the type that came to be clingy once he was attached in any kind of relationship. It was of the reasons why he grew afraid of affection, because his withdrawal from it was always too much. 

Yuta stayed in bed a bit longer, falling into a half-sleep state with the scent of Jaehyun still lingering around him. He didn’t want to move out of bed, but he grew curious about Jaehyun's whereabouts. Yuta sighed, and threw his legs over the side of the bed, feet meeting the cold floor. Yuta was wearing boxers and a rather oversized t-shirt, as he had gotten too warm in bed and didn’t want to wear anything too long. 

Yuta brushed his teeth, hair, and washed his face before exiting the bedroom area. He was puzzled for a second before he found Jaehyun out on the rather small balcony;it could only really fit two people, there were two chairs and a tiny table. 

“Finally out of bed?” Jaehyun gave him a smile, and Yuta took in his appearance. He had finally found a shirt, and was wearing sweatpants as well. He had a cup of coffee in hand and there was one off to the side, which Yuta assumed he had gotten for him. 

Yuta briefly remembered his strange dream, and suddenly forced himself to avert his gaze, feeling as though Jaehyun could read his thoughts and see into him due to the strong gaze he gave Yuta. 

“You got up too early. Are you really done resting now?” Yuta tried to play off his concern again, setting into the chair across from him. 

“Yes, I promise. Thanks to your care.” Jaehyun pushed the coffee towards him, “I ordered room service breakfast already, but I got a lot, because I wasn’t sure what you’d want.” 

Yuta flicked his eyes up at him, from his coffee mug. “I’m not royalty, Jaehyun. I don’t need a buffet for breakfast.” 

“Honestly, with your status, you come pretty close to it I’d say.” Jaehyun added, and Yuta noticed how his morning voice was even lower, but still the same charming as when he was fully awake. 

“Mhm, like you don’t.” Yuta sarcastically replied, jutting out his lip slightly. 

“Who? Me? I had a couple horseback riding lessons as a kid, and also played lacrosse,“ Yuta glared up at him as he spoke, “and piano, yes.” Jaehyun thought fakely for a second, “but surely I’m not royalty status.”

“Enough,” Yuta laughed, crossing his legs. He had slowly become aware of the small cut on his leg, that he didn’t really want Jaehyun to notice and question him about. 

“We’re going back to your grandmother’s today, right?” Jaehyun asked. 

“I booked the train tickets for 2pm. I don’t think we have anything else to see here.” Yuta shrugged, taking another sip of his coffee. 

“I’m sorry that you didn’t get to revisit a piece of your childhood. And that, you have bad memories there now I’m sure.” Jaehyun sounded soft as he spoke, almost solem. 

“It’s okay. I’ll be able to deal with it.” Yuta gives him a smile, saying it for himself too.

“Do you think we should tell her about what happened?” Jaehyun sounded the slightest bit worried. 

“No, probably not. She’d just make a big deal out of it. Our parents too. But, it’s up to you also.” Yuta commented, wanting to make sure he wasn’t the only one deciding. 

“I agree. They’d only exaggerate things.” Jaehyun agreed, nodding. 

They made more small talk, mostly about school, work, or family. As they talked, Yuta couldn’t help but admire how Jaehyun’s hair and skin seemed to glow in the sunshine. 

When the room service knocked, and brought in two carts full of food, Yuta was a little more than scolding towards Jaehyun, as this was no way for him to spend money. 

“Seriously, I thought you were exaggerating when you said you bought a lot.” Yuta gazed over the carts, in awe. 

There were traditional Japanese breakfast foods, and then more western style breakfasts like dutch waffles and beignets. Yuta laughed comically at the amount of food. 

“I think we’ll need some water for all this food.” Yuta said, as looking at it made his throat feel parched already. 

Yuta realized he should’ve gotten dressed into some pants when he caught Jaehyun’s eyes following his sauntering walk into the kitchen. It was quite obvious that his eyes had drifted past Yuta’s waist. Not that the gaze and attention which was on his lower body wasn’t well-received, but Yuta didn’t exactly feel comfortable walking around in his boxers, or, he didn’t exactly have the confidence to do so. 

The oversized nightshirt had ridden up around his hips as he reached up to the top cabinet in the small kitchen, but Yuta was unable to do anything about it now. 

Regardless of his fear of being too exposed, Yuta returned with the two glasses of water he had promised to get in hand. 

“Aren’t you cold in here? The AC was bugging me all night.” Jaehyun looks away, clearing his throat and rubbing his hands together. 

“No, not really. I don’t mind it.” Yuta enjoyed how anytime any sort of skin was revealed, even ankles, Jaehyun seemed to have trouble focusing. It was rather comedic given his reputation. 

“What’s this?” Jaehyun’s voice showed alarm as he studied closer to the cut on Yuta’s knee. Yuta had crossed the wrong leg over, accidentally showcasing his injured knee. 

“Ah, that’s nothing. I tripped on the way back, and got a bit of a scrape.” Yuta was aware that his words came out trembling. He focused instead on taking a bite of one of the pancakes. “Have you tried this? It’s good.” Yuta changed the subject. He takes another bite, over exaggerating with sighs of enjoyment at the taste. 

Jaehyun didn’t answer, only stared down at the cut. “You have to be more careful.” He looks at Yuta, making direct eye contact now. Jaehyun’s hand slowly makes its way to frame Yuta’s face with his slender fingers. Yuta’s hold on his fork falters, and he drops it down onto his plate. 

“It’s not a big deal, really.” Yuta laughs awkwardly, trying to cross his legs again. The same long fingers on his face make their way to Yuta’s hair, gently pulling him back so that they were making eye contact again. Yuta starts to worry that he’s blushing. He wasn’t sure what to do, now that Jaehyun wasn’t afraid to be direct with things like this. 

“When was the last time you applied ointment to it?” Jaehyun asked, tucking some of Yuta’s hair behind his ear which had sort of become an unspoken thing between them that Yuta had nothing against. It was sweet. 

“Uhm, last night.” Yuta still felt awkward with the topic, unsure of why Jaehyun was so insistent with caring. 

He got up from where they were sitting on the couch, and Yuta assumed it was to get the ointment for him. “Don’t, seriously, it’s not a big deal—“ 

Jaehyun was back in a second after pulling it from the bathroom, and he crouched in front of Yuta, onto one knee. Yuta let out a small laugh. 

“The last time you were on one knee, it was to propose to me. And now you’re on one knee to apply ointment to a small cut?” Yuta asked incredulously. 

“Yes. That’s how it works, I’m pretty sure we are on the right path here.” Jaehyun dismissed him, smiling as he smoothly applied the ointment. Yuta felt morbidly embarrassed, it wasn’t like he needed help doing it, but it felt more that Jaehyun liked to baby him this way. Yuta was unsure of how it made him feel. Flustered? Ashamed? Immature? He couldn’t make up his mind. 

“Seriously, I shouldn’t let you do stuff like this. I don’t think this is the kind of couple activities either of our parents had in mind for us on this trip.” Yuta smiled playfully. 

“You’re basically helping me with my homework, don’t worry about it.” Yuta watched the top of Jaehyun’s head move, and fights the urge to pat his soft brown hair. Jaehyun is smiling, until he spots a light bruise on the inner skin of Yuta’s thigh. Yuta himself hadn’t even noticed until he saw Jaehyun staring. 

“I don’t know how that one got there.” Yuta shrugged, the more he looked at the bruise, the more he realized it was in the shape of a thumb. Something clicked when Yuta thought back to the day before, when Jaehyun had gripped his hips. He recalled the younger had momentarily placed his hand on one of his thighs in the process, and that must’ve been when it happened. 

“I think I’m responsible for that.” Jaehyun sounded genuinely embarrassed, “I wasn’t myself…or..I was but, I was—“Yuta watched as his ears turned a pinkish hue, and fought the urge to laugh. “My fault.” He muttered, standing up. 

Jaehyun wasn’t like most alpha’s in the way that he didn’t take pride in his aggressive side, although he definitely had one. He wasn’t overly toxic about it. 

“It’s okay, Jaehyun. I don’t mind it.” Yuta really didn’t, he found that it was sort of hot, Jaehyun being unable to control his strength like that, but he’d never be the one to admit that. Yuta knew he didn’t have bad intentions either, as it was written all over the guilt on his face. 

The air filled between them with unsaid words. Jaehyun got back to the couch, settling down next to Yuta without uttering another word. 

Yuta picked a strawberry off the top of a plate of waffles and began to eat it. He was quick to wipe the mess on his lip off, fearing that he’d be caught eating messily again, but Jaehyun had been looking at him the entire time, he realized.

“How’s your injury doing, by the way. I forgot to ask.” Yuta inquired, now that he couldn’t see Jaehyun’s bare chest anymore. 

“S’fine, like I told you.” 

Yuta glanced up at the big window in the room, noticing how dark clouds had begun to come their way. It seemed to be a storm approaching. 

“You always do that.” Yuta muttered. 

“Do what?” Jaehyun sounded curious, pausing his eating. 

“Well, you brush things off, you make them seem less than they are.” Yuta turned to glance at him, and Jaehyun didn’t look his way. 

“I don’t really think of it that way.” Jaehyun’s shoulders were hunched forward, which made it seem like his body was in a defensive stance too. 

“Then what do you think of it?” Yuta asked, unable to drop the topic even though it was clear Jaehyun wanted him to. 

“I just kind of,” Jaehyun paused, “keep it all down.” 

“That’s not good for you, Jaehyun.” Yuta was quick to say. “Even if you ignore something, it doesn’t go away.” Yuta wasn’t sure what they were talking about now. 

Jaehyun didn’t answer. 

“I just don’t want you to go through life miserable, that’s all.” Yuta spoke small, avoiding Jaehyun’s wandering eyes now. 

“You put the engagement ring back on.” Jaehyun commented, grabbing Yuta’s free hand. Yuta giggled. 

“Of course, I told you I would. What, did you think I pawned it off? My family may have had their financial issues, but I’d never do something like that.” Yuta jokes, trying to lighten the mood, mostly just to see that familiar smile grow on Jaehyun’s face. 

“I like knowing that you wear it, I want you to wear more things I buy for you.” Jaehyun grinned, seeming to like the way that his suggestion made Yuta drop his mouth. 

“Like what,” Yuta deadpanned, pulling his hand away from Jaehyun. 

“Maybe I’ll buy you a boat.” He joked, and then Jaehyun moved closer, enough that Yuta could feel his breath.

“Shut up,” Yuta pushed at his shoulder, playfully shoving him away, “you need to leave your credit card alone.” 

Abruptly, Jaehyun said,“We are sort of friends, aren’t we?” 

Yuta was startled by the label and the suddenness of it, feeling his neck burn as flashes of the day before came to mind. It definitely wasn’t the most friendly feeling between them anymore, but Yuta didn’t consider them to be enemies either.

“Uh, I’d say we are. Although, most friends aren’t engaged. But I’d consider our—us, built on friendship.” Yuta tried to word it correctly, fumbling over himself instead. 

Jaehyun seemed puzzled by his explanation, and Yuta watched as his brows creased for a moment.

“Is this your way of asking me for a truce, Jaehyun?” Yuta asked, referring to their many arguments over the course of the past few days. 

“Possibly, I just want things to be good between us from here on out.” Jaehyun states, avoiding the eye contact that Yuta was trying to make with him. Yuta was confused by his expression which seemed slightly bitter now.

“I’m sorry for how I treated you at first, I know I haven’t been that open with you, but I want to try. I am trying.” He finally made eye contact as he said it, which was surprising to Yuta. 

“Did I hear that right? An apology from you?” Yuta scoffed, and then smiled. “I better not get used to it.”

Yuta laughed, but this time, it came out more as a giggle, Yuta scrunching up his nose in the most adorable way possible. He covers his mouth when Jaehyun throws him an especially menacing glare. 

“Thank you, really. For communicating that to me.” Yuta smiles gently, and reaches out to pat Jaehyun’s arm, a friendly gesture. 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Yuta did end up getting dressed, making the excuse that he suddenly felt how cold the ac was. He put in his earrings, realizing he hadn’t worn any in two days. They weren’t anything fancy, just some basic diamond studs. Yuta pulled half of his brown hair away from his face, and left most of the strands hanging down. 

They finished breakfast, or what they could eat, and Yuta insisted that Jaehyun help him bring the carts back downstairs, instead of waiting for room service to come. Yuta did take some enjoyment in the awkward way Jaehyun stood up from the couch. 

Yuta blamed it on his good mood, but he felt like he was enjoying the day, regardless of the storm outside, he felt happy. 

“Catch me if you can.” Yuta teased the younger, racing to the elevator and pressing the button quickly, trying to close the doors before an out-of-breath Jaehyun caught up to them. He was unsuccessful, despite his attempts. 

“Caught you. What now?” Jaehyun joked back, holding on to the metal bar and catching his breath, Yuta watched his chest rise and heave, and then his eyes flicked back up to the smug expression across Jaehyun’s face despite how he was still catching his breath. 

Yuta grinned, using an invisible rope to pull Jaehyun in. They both laughed lightly, and Jaehyun pretended to go along with it. 

Yuta was shocked by his own flirting, and it was obvious that Jaehyun was too, or at least, if the quirk in his eyebrow and the smile on his lips were any hints. Regardless of it, he pretended to trap Yuta against the wall, with an arm on either side of Yuta’s head. 

“You’re almost too much for me.” Jaehyun smiled sideways, and before Yuta could open his mouth to answer, where he had been biting his lip, the elevator dinged and they arrived back on their floor. The two of them jumped apart, realizing there was a person trying to get on the elevator. 

Yuta fumbled with himself, it wasn’t like they had been caught doing anything wrong, really. He straightened his cardigan a bit, and messed with his hair, noticing Jaehyun watching him with a smile out of the corner of his eye. 

They hadn’t even been back in their room for more than a minute, when the lights flicked off. Yuta turned, confused. Jaehyun was right next to him, and not the light switch. 

“Uh oh,” Jaehyun walked over to the switch, flicking it repeatedly. “The power’s out.” 

Yuta could hardly see through the darkness, the room was only illuminated by the dark clouds from the window and the occasional lightning. Yuta didn’t like power outages, of course, no one did. But they reminded Yuta of sitting in the dark library as a child, with nothing but a candle, as he waited for his parents to come back and tell him when the power would be back on, which they hardly ever did. Yuta associated power outages with isolation, rightfully so. 

Jaehyun seemed to pick up on his dislike for it, and had already begun to search for candles, checking in the cabinets and under the sink. He finally found two, at the top of the closet. Jaehyun lit them with the flames from the stove, settling one in the kitchen and one in the bedroom.

“I could go ask for more at the front desk, if you want.” Jaehyun approached him, where Yuta was curled up on the couch. 

“No,” Don’t leave me, Yuta wanted to say, but he stayed quiet, keeping the words in his throat. “That’s okay.” 

“Alright.” Jaehyun nodded, hands rotating nervously back and forth. Yuta watched as he moved around, cleaning the hotel room up. It seemed to be a habit of his, which Yuta didn’t mind, since he was rather messy himself. 

His attention spiked when he watched Jaehyun go into the bathroom, without closing the door behind him. Jaehyun unbuttoned his shirt partially, checking at his wound by himself in the dimly-lit mirror. Yuta could make out his silhouette, and see his broad back muscles move in the dim light. 

Without even knowing what he was doing, Yuta found himself moving to the bathroom. 

“Does it hurt?” Yuta asked softly, standing in the doorway. He crossed his arms, and scanned Jaehyun up and down with his eyes just once more. 

Jaehyun was a bit startled, widened eyes staring at Yuta. He dropped his shirt back down, and began to button it back up. “A bit, but not much. Just kind of like a sting.” He forced a smile, which was odd on his face that seemed to show emotion so easily despite his cold exterior. 

The omega moved closer, standing in between Jaehyun and the sink countertop. He could spot the anxious gaze in Jaehyun’s eyes. Bravely, and with shaky hands, Yuta‘s hands moved to the hem of Jaehyun’s shirt, “May I?” 

“Yes,” Jaehyun exhaled a little too quickly, it almost sounded like a breath rather than a coherent word, but Yuta understood it still. 

Yuta softly pulled at the hem of the shirt, his only intention was to check for any sign of infection, not that he was the one who was going to school with the intent of being a doctor, but Yuta made the excuse in his mind that it was smarter to have two people check. 

He steadied Jaehyun’s shoulder with his other hand as he peered at the healed wound, not seeing any odd signs. Yuta could’ve easily pulled away then, but instead he found himself touching softly at the skin around the wound, which had healed up so fast. There was hardly any bruising, and he marveled at the wonder that was Jaehyun’s fast healing. 

“Like what you see?” Jaehyun’s deep and confident voice broke the silence. 

Yuta brushed the words off, ignoring him, and instead, his hand found it’s way higher on his chest, finding himself drawn to the quickening sound of Jaehyun’s heartbeat under his touch.

A loud clap of thunder and a stroke of lightning came, and both of them turned to look at the window. He drew his hand away when Jaehyun dropped his shirt back down, somewhat sad to let go of the feeling of Jaehyun’s heart. 

“Hyung,” Jaehyun started, clearly noticing how Yuta’s eyes weren’t focused at all and he was completely zoned out. “Are you okay?” 

“What? Yes, I’m fine.” Yuta weakly smiles, unsure of what has taken hold of him so strongly. Jaehyun followed Yuta as he walked back into the dimly lit living room, and Yuta turned around, met softly with one of Jaehyun’s hands on his elbow. 

“Yuta,” Jaehyun used his other hand to push the bangs from Yuta’s eyes, but let it linger on the side of Yuta’s cheek. Yuta grew weak from the touch. “Is something bothering you? You can tell me.” 

There was that familiar comforting scent in the air again, from Jaehyun. It made Yuta dizzy now almost, and he wasn’t sure what was happening. Until it hit Yuta—he hadn’t taken his medication that morning, nor the morning before. He had missed two days. 

Jaehyun seemed to notice something was up, and he walked them over to the couch, still holding onto Yuta gently. 

“I don’t like blackouts.” Yuta murmured softly, leaning into the touch from Jaehyun at his side now. 

“Do you find them scary?” Jaehyun’s lip quirked, and Yuta might’ve found it teasing, if it wasn’t for the gentle tone of his deep voice. 

“A bit.” Yuta softly responded, nibbling at his lower lip. Much to his surprise, Jaehyun acted after these words. Jaehyun pulled Yuta closer, enough that he was practically on his lap, and softly petted at Yuta’s hair, his hand finding the back of Yuta’s head easily. Yuta felt like it gave the illusion that they were close lovers. 

“You don’t have to be scared, I’m not going anywhere. You won’t be alone.” Jaehyun reassured him, but all Yuta could think about was his scent in the air. It was only natural that Jaehyun got a bit excited at the idea of being protective over Yuta, and being able to provide some sense of comfort for him. 

“You promise?” Yuta whispers, heat flaring up inside of him when Jaehyun fully manhandled him so that he was sideways and perched on his lap. The heat comes from deep down, low in his stomach, where Yuta had kept it all locked away for many months. Yuta wonders if it had been building up, threatening to spill over and escape when the right moment came. “You won’t leave?” Yuta barely raises his voice, unable to get the words out all the way. 

“I promise.” Jaehyun’s low whisper came, almost sending a shiver down Yuta’s spine. Yuta knows that he can’t be imagining the dilation of Jaehyun’s pupils, even in the near darkness. 

Jaehyun intertwined their fingers, allowing their palms to touch. Every touch between them felt magnified, and Yuta felt like he had been patient for too long. Yuta needed someone to hold onto, and Jaehyun was there, and he wasn’t going anywhere. For now. “I just need to know that you’re here.” Yuta vocalized, fully moving and closing any distance between them. 

“I’m here. Not leaving you.” Jaehyun barely raises his voice, softly caressing Yuta’s hand with his own. 

It was wrong, and all in the heat of the moment, but Yuta drew Jaehyun closer by his uneven locks of hair, pulling him to the curve of his neck. Yuta believed it was his sense of instinct, he was trying to offer Jaehyun something in order for all Jaehyun had done for him. 

“Yuta, god,” Jaehyun practically growls, “I—“ 

“Scent me.” Yuta requests, tugging at his locks of hair. “I want you to. Please.” 

Yuta didn’t have to ask twice, as Jaehyun had already buried his face into Yuta’s neck, his hands gripping tightly at the other side of his neck to pull him closer, the other was steadying Yuta’s waist. Yuta almost wanted to ask if he was too heavy, but Jaehyun had no problem supporting Yuta. 

He’s sure that Jaehyun is being tickled by his long strands of unkempt hair, but he doesn’t seem to care, neither of them do. Yuta had wanted more since Jaehyun had done it without his request, the day before. 

Yuta craved—no he needed to be marked by Jaehyun. 

“Ah,” Yuta cries out, startling them both. Jaehyun doesn’t pull away, instead—he bites over the scent gland gently, not enough to mark, although it was with his canine teeth, then licks over it. Yuta feels as if he could faint his arms, it was worrying that he hadn’t even noticed how weak he had grown, succumbing to the natural instincts that were drawn out due to being locked up with an alpha for multiple days now.

Jaehyun, having far too much self control, makes to pull away from Yuta’s neck, but Yuta insists, keeping him there. Jaehyun growls deeply, and his lips ghost over the scent gland, practically mouthing right over Yuta’s pulse point. 

The playful nipping at his neck continues, and Yuta allows it. He’s far too sensitive, reacting to every single touch and caress of Jaehyun’s teeth and tongue, even arching his neck to give him more access. Jaehyun seems driven more by the sounds he lets out. He silently gave Jaehyun permission to keep going. Yuta drew his legs together out of some sort of shyness he still possessed when Jaehyun’s hand wandered to his knee. 

Both of their scents have grown strong, almost unbearingly so, and Jaehyun pulls back again. Yuta looks down at him in the dark, and can’t miss the deranged look in his eyes. 

“You feel warm.” Jaehyun commented, feeling for a moment with the back of his hand at the side of Yuta’s cheek. “Are you okay?” 

“Yes, I’m fine, I don’t know what came over me.” Yuta cleared his throat, cheeks tinted with red. 

They stayed silent, and then Yuta pulled his hand away from Jaehyun’s, where he had intertwined their fingers again. 

“I wasn’t thinking,” Yuta swallows, “That was—a mistake.” Yuta began to ramble, and nodded, coming back down from the high and the exhilaration of it. 

“I don’t see anything wrong in it.” Jaehyun stiffly replies, and Yuta moved off his lap after that, standing up and trying not to pace the room. 

Yuta’s face blushes again at what he had just done, the realization hitting him fully again. “We can’t.” 

“Why not?” Jaehyun stands up, attempting to come close to Yuta but Yuta moves away, trying to keep the distance, as if he were afraid of what he might do if not. 

Jaehyun speaks again when Yuta doesn’t answer, “What makes you say that Yuta?” He had a shaking tremble at the end of his voice, and Yuta shook his head in response. 

“It’s still the effect of the transformation. You aren’t thinking clearly.” Yuta mumbled, his words coming out faster now. 

“It’s not like I’m drunk, or something, Yuta.” Jaehyun sounded exasperated. He came close again, cupping the sides of Yuta’s face, his touch was barely there, showing that he knew Yuta might push him away again. “Look at me. Just look at me. It’s okay.” 

Yuta willed himself to calm down despite the fast beating of his heart. “I can’t tell what’s real, anymore Jaehyun.” Yuta said heatedly. 

“You can’t deny that there is something that has grown between us. If we don’t ever try to see if we could be something, then how could we know?” Jaehyun pulled at Yuta’s wrist when Yuta tries to leave again, his grip was desperate, and his voice had a pleading tone to it. Yuta felt a pang in his heart. 

“I—I need some fresh air. I’ll be back.” Yuta practically ran from the room, shutting the door behind him. He couldn’t stand that he was the one running away now, but he also couldn’t bring himself to risk getting hurt. Yuta felt as if he was on the edge of letting go everything he had built up to protect himself. He was always going to be reminded of the past, no matter how far he moved from it. 

The hallway was outside, with a small roof covering it, but the rain was blowing with the wind, enough that it came under the roof. Yuta felt the droplets on his skin. 

He heard the click of the door handle, and knew already that Jaehyun had followed him outside. Yuta began to walk down the hall, away from their room, pulling his sweater closer to his body in the cold rain. 

“Are you denying it?” Jaehyun asked, continuing the conversation which Yuta had intended to leave in the hotel room. 

“You shouldn’t be outside. It’s cold, you might get sick again.” Yuta spoke, still not facing him. 

“Don’t you dare change the subject,” Jaehyun said, not sounding mean nor harsh, even with those words, his voice instead was softer, with a touch of pleading in them, like he really meant it. “I know you feel it too.” 

“Please, Jaehyun.” Yuta spoke, as he felt him come closer, “just don’t.” 

“Why?” Jaehyun asks, and Yuta knows he’s right behind him, “Are you that afraid?” 

Yuta dares to turn around, and look at his face, into his eyes. It was the moment that his breath hitched, and the air grew thick as ever between them. 

“You don’t really want me.” Yuta says breathily, unable to move with Jaehyun’s piercing eyes staring right through him.

Jaehyun’s hands are at his face again, tilting Yuta’s jaw up at him this time. “I do. That's the truth, and it’s been the truth for a long time.” The defiant look in his eyes tells all, and Yuta almost believes him. 

_almost_. 

“Then prove it.” Yuta softly suggests, flicking his eyes up to make eye contact with Jaehyun, without looking away. 

It seemed like Jaehyun felt the change too, his eyes flashing darkly before they bridged the gap between each other. Yuta couldn’t look away from him—and then it was too late. 

They both moved in at the same time, and their lips connected in a forceful kiss, parting as soon as they met. Yuta’s hands drew to the nape of Jaehyun’s neck. Yuta sighed brokenly into Jaehyun’s mouth, the relief of being kissed by him was far too severe. 

The first touch of their lips was sinful, deep, and filled with pent up frustrations. Yuta gasped for air, unable to find any but he didn’t care. Jaehyun’s hands were in his hair now, gripping tightly at it, making Yuta forget all about how he needed oxygen. 

Yuta’s hands found their way to wrap around Jaehyun’s torso, holding him closer than ever before. The smaller of the two gasped—which was muffled by Jaehyun’s lips—when his back was pressed harder against the wall, not caring about how it ached, or hurt. Now that he’d gotten his hands and lips on Jaehyun, he couldn’t bring himself to put a stop to it. 

Jaehyun began to explore, licking open Yuta’s mouth with his tongue, in a way that reminded Yuta of his vast experience, while Yuta hadn’t been touched or kissed like this in over a year. Jaehyun was different than any past lover too, he had a strong and newfound vigor and was kissing Yuta like his life depended on it. Yuta’s knees trembled at how sensual the kiss was. 

They broke apart for a second to catch their breaths, briefly making eye contact. Yuta captured the picture of Jaehyun with bruised lips, messy hair, knowing that he would keep it in his mind forever. 

Yuta thinks Jaehyun is going to kiss him again, but instead he only brings his face close to Yuta’s, his nose nudging against Yuta’s own, their foreheads pressed together. 

Jaehyun grips at his hair again, tilting his neck up in order to attack with his lips, and Yuta grips at his arms in response, edging him on, pushing his hands underneath the fabric to touch Jaehyun’s bare skin, which was burning up. 

“Jae,” Yuta whined out, unable to stop himself, especially when a noise akin to a growl came from Jaehyun’s throat, like he was reacting to Yuta calling for him. 

“What is it, baby?” Jaehyun asks, in between the kisses he was decorating Yuta’s neck with.

He pulled at Jaehyun’s hair as well, gently moving him away from his neck and back to his bare lips. Yuta’s back arched off the wall, connecting their chests together as their lips met in another wet, messy, attempt at a kiss. 

“You like it when I call you that.” Jaehyun parted their lips only for a moment to say, before their tongues met once more as the kiss grew more impatient. 

He bit down at Jaehyun’s lower lip, earning him a low moan and a bruising grip at his hip bone. Yuta pulled his teeth back, softly exhaling when Jaehyun rolled his hips harshly to his, asserting himself again. 

Jaehyun gripped at his lower back, holding Yuta up against him. Yuta’s hands roamed under his shirt and over the bare skin of his shoulders, feeling the tight muscles on his back that flexed under his touch. 

It was primal, almost, the way that they grabbed and groped each other all over, their lips connecting messily as they did. Yuta had thrown caution to the wind, not thinking about how anyone could walk out and see them like this. 

Yuta gave it his all, every last bit of himself, kissing Jaehyun back with all the might he had left. Yuta wasn’t going to fight it anymore. He didn’t have the strength to do so. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i’m sorta scared, about what everyone will think. i know this chapter was a lot but things finally exploded between them, and they still are being awful with communication but that’s kind of the way i wanted to write them lol. but there was no denying it anymore! i know it’s shorter too, but i promise the next few chapters will be longer. and also have more of a plot bc this one was basically just romance centric but i mean.. 
> 
> u guys are here for yujae :p 
> 
> leave any comments as always!!!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! to be honest i did change my original plan for this chapter, but i hope you guys enjoy regardless. 
> 
> thank you as always for all the love and support!!
> 
> also, i realize that i was making some pretty big grammar errors the past few chapters with the tenses i was using so i will do my best to upkeep only using one tense! i do apologize tho if it was irritating to read that

Yuta grew weak as the kiss continued on. He was thankful when Jaehyun’s arms gripped around him tighter, supporting him up by his waist and lower back. Yuta braced himself against Jaehyun’s sturdy body. 

He became more aware of himself and their surroundings when he heard the click of a door unlocking, but Jaehyun was quicker to notice it than even him. 

They only separated for only a second, before Yuta allowed Jaehyun to manhandle him back into the hotel room. He kicked the door shut behind him, and Yuta’s back was pushed against a wall once more. 

Jaehyun’s hair and face were soaked slightly due to the rain, Yuta felt breathless at the mere sight of him. 

Without a warning, Jaehyun yanked Yuta’s shirt aside slightly to expose his shoulder, his lips making contact with Yuta’s hot skin immediately. He could feel Jaehyun’s wet hair brush against his skin, the contrast in temperature only further igniting the fire in Yuta’s stomach. 

Yuta felt up his warm chest through the fabric of Jaehyun’s chest, his hands found purchase in his shirt, a low and drawn out whine slipped from his lips, and he and withdrew his lips in order to catch his breath.

Jaehyun had begun to trail his lips down to Yuta’s jaw, and traced hot, wet kisses along his skin. Jaehyun was very slow and thorough with every touch, and it felt like torture for Yuta who liked things _fast._

Yuta wanted the clothing barrier between his hands and Jaehyun’s skin gone, which showed when he brought his hands to the buttons on Jaehyun’s shirt, and then it was all too much. Jaehyun grabbed at his wrist, and Yuta froze. 

“You’re so eager, Yuta.” Jaehyun didn’t sound like he was teasing him, but there was something else about his tone. It was almost aroused, he hardly sounded like himself. 

There was no way for Yuta to deny that he had tried to tear the shirt off Jaehyun’s skin with way too much aggressiveness, and it wasn’t like in the movies where the shirt just came undone, especially since Yuta’s hands had been shaking. 

Abruptly, Jaehyun pulled at the same hands that had been on his shirt, pressing them to the wall, and intertwining their fingers. Yuta felt his heartbeat quicken. It made him feel smaller, when he had no control. 

Jaehyun had let go of one of his hands in order to trail his free hand lower, his touch was dangerously edging down Yuta’s arched back. 

“You made me like this.” Yuta mumbled, his head leaning against the back of the wall as he relaxed his body, no longer tense at the touch. 

“Like what? What did I make you into?” He inquired, his eyes tranced on Yuta’s body. Jaehyun’s lips attacked at his neck, going over the marks that were already there, and leaving forceful kisses burning into Yuta’s skin. 

“You made me want you.” Yuta whined back in a quiet voice, unable to look at the man in front of him, gripping the back of his shirt with his free hand. 

“Do you have any idea what hearing that from you does to me? You’re absolutely irresistible.” Jaehyun stopped, and pulled away again. Yuta wanted to pout, as it was too much teasing for him. Yuta inhaled deeply when Jaehyun brought his hand to gently circle Yuta’s jaw, and brushed his thumb to Yuta’s lower lip, parting his mouth for him. 

Yuta's eyes widened and squeezed shut again as Jaehyun’s oddly warm hand found it’s way to Yuta's hip, which prevented him from squirming around like he had been. Jaehyun lifted his hand back up to trace onto Yuta’s soft and flat stomach, under the fabric of his shirt, and Yuta felt almost lightheaded at the contact. 

He complied when Jaehyun pulled him off the wall and pushed him backwards, lips still on Yuta’s. He gripped tight at Yuta’s sides, as they found their way to the bed, both stumbling a little. 

Yuta inhaled sharply as Jaehyun’s hands trailed back under his shirt, and Yuta tried to hide how nervous it made him. He pulled Jaehyun back down to his lips, and Jaehyun responded by sucking down on Yuta’s lower lip, and then tracing his mouth with his tongue again. 

Yuta let out a yelp when Jaehyun’s hand squeezed against his waist, gripping against Jaehyun’s arms in response. 

All of a sudden, Jaehyun brought their foreheads close together. Yuta could feel his breath against his skin, and he opened his eyes in order to look into Jaehyun’s. 

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Jaehyun’s voice sounded wearier than it had before. 

“You won’t.” Yuta panted, biting down on his already raw lips. 

Jaehyun removed his grip on Yuta’s skin under his shirt, and Yuta grabbed the hand that had touched his skin, and brought it to his own face, letting Jaehyun to feel him. 

“I’m not made of glass. If I believed you’d hurt me, I wouldn’t have let us get this far.” Yuta spoke gently, seeing how Jaehyun seemed to be slipping away from him. 

Jaehyun rolled off Yuta, where he had been positioned in between his legs, leaving the intimate position. Yuta followed him and laid his head against Jaehyun’s chest, not willing to let him go. 

“That was—“

“I got carried away.” Jaehyun interrupted him. He moved a hand to the back of Yuta’s head, playing with his hair. Yuta pressed his ear closer to Jaehyun’s chest, listening to the sound of his breathing. 

“I never asked for anything gentle or slow, I wanted that too.” Yuta responded, able to be more honest since they weren’t making eye contact. It was true, that Yuta had never asked him to be gentle, and in fact, preferred the opposite sometimes. 

Jaehyun clicked his tongue, and Yuta glanced up at him, spotting the mischievous look in his eyes. Even this made Yuta feel pleased that he had been able to convince Jaehyun out of his negative thoughts. 

“We have to leave for the train soon.” Yuta realized, placing one hand on Jaehyun’s chest as he leaned over him to check the clock. 

“I don’t want to move from here.” Jaehyun said, pulling Yuta back down onto the bed with him completely. 

“Too bad, I don’t have time to deal with you being lazy.” Yuta chuckled. 

This seemed to encourage Jaehyun. In a second, he was on top of Yuta again. He was able to use his strength to pin Yuta down easily, despite Yuta’s tragic efforts to fight his hands off. 

Jaehyun tickled at Yuta’s ribs for a moment, just to elicit a high-pitched squeal from him. 

“What was that you were saying?” Jaehyun smiled himself as he kept Yuta pinned to the mattress, and Yuta squirmed relentlessly. 

“I never said anything about your strength.” Yuta scoffed, and then his scowl was right away replaced with an open-mouthed gasp as Jaehyun grinded his hips abruptly against Yuta’s, in one swift motion their bodies were nearly pressed together again. 

“S-stop it, ah.” Yuta protested, twisting his head to the side as Jaehyun came close to his face. 

“Why? Weren’t you the one who said you didn’t want it to be gentle?” Jaehyun grinned playfully, and Yuta shoved a knee upwards, aiming for Jaehyun’s legs. 

“I said,” Yuta was successful in causing Jaehyun to topple down onto him, and let go of his hands, “that we need to _leave_ soon.” 

  
  


-

  
  
  


They ended up making the train with enough time to get settled into their seats. Yuta had put on a scarf, which he found Jaehyun staring at. He had never worn a scarf in front of him ever, so he was sure that it looked odd, but it was the only thing that wasn't a sweater that he could use to cover up the scattered marks on his neck. 

“It’ll be sad to go back to normal life, I think.” Jaehyun said, once the train had started up and they had departed from the station. 

“Why’s that?” Yuta asked in a tiny voice. 

“I’ll miss being with you all the time. And getting away from school, of course.” 

Yuta smiled, enough to show teeth and all, and looked away. He wished he could bury his face away from Jaehyun’s eyes. It was so easy for him to make Yuta flustered, when no man should have that much power over him. 

When Yuta didn’t respond, Jaehyun got closer, and Yuta grew conscious. He moved his face away and tried to act like he wasn’t at _all_ flustered. 

“Will you miss being with me too?” He asked, his voice sounding all soft and slow like honey. Yuta wanted to fall into it. 

“Maybe.” Yuta responded quietly, with his lips pursed.

Jaehyun huffed lowly, and placed a hand on the inner part of Yuta’s thigh, relaxing back into his chair. He squeezed his thigh a little, and Yuta fought his inner urge to squirm. It was just a normal gesture, Jaehyun had done it before, actually. It just felt different having Jaehyun’s hands on him now that so much had changed with them. 

Yuta tried to do the same, and sleep, but he was unable to do so, his heart and mind racing. He pulled a book from his carry-on bag below his feet, and decided to try to distract his racing mind with that instead.

  
  


-

  
  


They got home rather late, due to all the stops and the train-tracks having to be checked for fallen tree branches at one point. Yuta was tired from the trip, and truthfully the emotional rollercoaster that he’d been through in the past few days as well. 

Yuta had checked in briefly with his grandma, glossing over the details of the trip. She seemed to pick up on his overall energy rather positively, and told Yuta that he seemed happier. Yuta brushed it off. 

Yuta had finished showering and changing, and now he was glancing at himself in the mirror that was hanging on the closet door, when he watched Jaehyun come up closely in the reflection. 

Yuta went to turn around, but Jaehyun was already behind him first. He pushed him back around and kept him facing the mirror. Jaehyun smiled, leaning his chin over Yuta’s shoulder. Yuta glanced at their reflection in the mirror, and watched as Jaehyun’s arms became laced around the middle of his stomach. 

“What are you doing?” Yuta asked. 

“Admiring you.” Jaehyun answered, pulling his chin away from Yuta’s shoulder, his eyes scanned over Yuta’s neck. 

Yuta thought the reflection of the two of them standing so intimately seemed unreal. It wasn’t his fault that Jaehyun was so naturally handsome, down to every feature, that Yuta felt like he wasn’t fit to be seen standing like this with him. He tried to suppress his thoughts of doubt. 

“And my work.” he trailed his fingers over the marks on Yuta’s neck, and the smaller man pushed the touch away. 

“Don’t!” Yuta hated how pitched his voice came out, but Jaehyun seemed amused by it. 

“I can’t believe I let you do that.” Yuta mumbled. He crossed his arms and made his way over to the bed, crawling onto the covers.

“I can.” Jaehyun grinned, and Yuta felt his heart skip at how he was standing over the bed, hair wet from his shower and face all shiny naturally. 

“What do you mean _you can?”_ Yuta asked, tucking himself into the covers. Jaehyun joined in next to him. 

“Come on. Ever since you wore that one sweater here. The one that was all low on your collar bones,” Jaehyun exhaled after he finished his sentence, like he was getting something big off his chest. 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about your neck then, how bare it looked. Just waiting to be—touched.” Jaehyun finished after a long pause. 

“You sound like you have a thing for my neck.” Yuta muttered, using his sense of humor in order to deflect the fluttery and warm feelings that Jaehyun’s words made him feel. 

“Maybe I do. Is that okay with you?” He smirked, and Yuta’s mind raced with the implication of what he was stating. 

“I—you’re outrageous.” Yuta sighed, pulling his hair away from his face with a hair tie. 

“Is that a good or bad thing then?” Jaehyun pressed on. 

“Quit asking me so many questions.” Yuta scolded, to which Jaehyun laughed under his breath. 

“Goodnight, Jae.” Yuta murmured, and leaned over to flick the lamp off. He flopped onto his pillow, and laid face down against the mattress. 

Jaehyun was by him in a second. Yuta nearly rolled over, before Jaehyun rubbed softly at Yuta’s back with the palm of his hand. Yuta sighed with content. The touch was _very_ much welcome, even more when Jaehyun’s hands moved to his lower back, almost massaging Yuta now. 

Jaehyun grew equally tired eventually, and instead he just laid on his side, with his arm slung over Yuta’s back, in a protective nature. The gesture was so small, yet so significant, that Yuta felt his heart swell. 

  
  


-

  
  


When Yuta woke up, it was late into the afternoon, but he didn’t really care, any responsibility seemed to fade away. It was like they were trapped in their own bubble for the time being. 

Jaehyun’s hands were wrapped around Yuta’s body, and Yuta grew aware of the fact that his nightshirt had ridden up again and his stomach was exposed, exactly where Jaehyun’s hands were.

He craned his neck, watching as Jaehyun slept. Yuta realized it felt sort of different, staring at him when he knew what his lips tasted and felt like. 

Yuta became very aware of the fact that Jaehyun had positioned one of his legs so that it was pushed in between both of Yuta’s. He let out a stuttered gasp when his shirt was pushed up further by Jaehyun’s large and warm fingers. 

“You aren’t asleep,” Yuta mumbled, patting his own face with his hand and brushing the hair from his eyes. 

“I woke up,” Jaehyun muttered, pressing a brief kiss to Yuta’s cheek, “because you smell so good.” 

Yuta’s face became hot, he grew rather fearful as he realized it was probably due to his scent becoming stronger without the supplements. He hadn’t even consulted his doctor or asked what the side effects were if he quit taking them, but clearly heightened scent must be _one_ of them. Either that, or Jaehyun had some sort of scent kink. Yuta giggled lightly at the thought. 

He kept his hand over his face, since his closed fingers protected his blushing cheeks from Jaehyun’s prying eyes. 

Yuta shuddered when Jaehyun’s hands left his chest, nearly brushing his thumb against the skin of his nipple. Yuta was glad he didn't, knowing how sensitive he was there. 

Jaehyun was loomed over him, and Yuta realized he was going toward his lips. Yuta lifted his fingers up, preventing him from doing so. 

“Not before brushing teeth.” Yuta warned, and Jaehyun just kissed at his fingers instead. The taller man eagerly grabbed Yuta’s entire hand and placed kisses to his palm. 

“Stop it!” Yuta felt his skin grow even hotter. Jaehyun’s deep obsession with embarrassing him was way out of hand. 

“Give me a kiss then, come on. We’re going to be married, it doesn’t matter.” Jaehyun tried again, and Yuta placed a full hand over his mouth this time. 

“You use that excuse too much.” Yuta laughed, and watched how Jaehyun rolled back over. 

“Don’t tell me you’re mad because I don’t like morning breath.” Yuta couldn’t help but giggle again. He sat up in bed, pulling his shirt back down and untucking his legs from bed. 

“No.” Jaehyun said flatly. 

“Come and brush your teeth with me.” Yuta grinned, and when Jaehyun didn’t come, he moved to the end of the bed, and looked back over his shoulder. He bent over slowly to get his slippers, taking his sweet time, and then Jaehyun was up. 

“You’re such a perv.” Yuta muttered lowly. 

  
  


-

  
  


Once they were dressed, after Yuta had pried Jaehyun’s arms off him once more, they headed toward the main house for breakfast. 

Or, lunch now. 

Yuta’s grandmother had scolded them repeatedly for sleeping in on their last day visiting, and Yuta apologized on their behalf repeatedly, Jaehyun added to the apology as well.

She let it go, and soon enough they were back in the dining room. Yuta was thankful to be eating a home-cooked meal one last time before they were set to leave the next day. 

“My dear, do you have to wear that turtleneck sweater even after I’ve turned the heating up? It makes me itchy just seeing it.” Yuta’s grandmother gestured her finger up to the orange sweater that Yuta wore, which went all the way up to his neck. 

“Uh, yes. I’m still cold.” Yuta lied, glancing over at Jaehyun who was smiling into his stew. 

“You aren’t anemic!” She snapped, shaking her head. 

“Grandma, drop it, please.” Yuta whined, lifting his spoon up to his lips. 

“Alright, very well.” She fell silent, and then set her soup bowl down. 

“Your mother tells me that you are considering going back to college, Yuta.” His grandma inquired abruptly, practically causing Yuta to choke on his stew. 

Jaehyun turned to look at him, faster than ever before. Yuta knew it was because he hadn’t talked about it at all, it was true that he wasn’t exactly much of a _sharer_ when it came to things he was thinking over in his own mind. 

“Uhm, well, I only mentioned it to her briefly. But yes, I would like to try something in the artistic field rather than business, now that I have enough credits.” Yuta nodded, avoiding Jaehyun’s eyes which had fallen onto him and not moved away since. 

“Were you aware of this, Jaehyun?” Yuta’s grandmother seemed to be giving him a test, if the suspicious look in her eyes was any hint. 

Yuta nudged Jaehyun with his knee, trying to communicate that Jaehyun should bluff about it. 

However, Jaehyun seemed to be deep in thought. Yuta wondered if it had made him feel bad, or something, that Yuta didn’t tell him things like that. Yuta began to feel guilty for not sharing more. 

“No, actually. But I’d be completely in support of it. I feel quite bad when I’m busy with my classes and I have no time to see what he’s doing as well.” Jaehyun answered smoothly, and while it wasn’t what Yuta had hoped for, it wasn’t too bad. 

“Mhm, I see.” She nodded. “You two have grown closer, it’s obvious.” 

Yuta grew excited by her words, but tried his best not to show it. 

“Let me see that engagement ring.” She seemed like she had been thinking about it already, as Yuta held his hand out in front of her.

He watched as she lowered her glasses to look at it, her grey bun perched perfectly atop her head. 

“It could use some adjustments.” She muttered, glancing over at Jaehyun who averted his eyes, guilty. 

“You guessed his size, didn’t you?” 

“I did, I admit, but that’s only because I wanted him to have it right away.” Jaehyun answered a little too quickly. 

“Mhm, I know my grandson’s hands. They are smaller than the average males.” She nodded. 

“You don’t have to say it like that, grandma.” Yuta pulled his hand back. 

“I’ve already discussed it with your mother, and if you both would like, I’d be willing to give at least two of the family diamonds, if we can get them to fit on this band—“ she glanced briefly at Jaehyun, “which could be higher quality.” 

“Really?” Yuta was overjoyed, as it was somehow very rewarding that she had decided to be so charitable, without Yuta having to beg or grovel. He felt special. 

“Yes. But don’t ask for anymore of them, and, you’ll have to part with it for a week or two at least. I won’t have it done at any other jewelers than my personal one here.” 

“Thank you, grandma.” Yuta grinned widely, and leaned over the side of the table to give her a half hug. “Really, I mean it.” 

“Of course. Anything for my favorite grandson.” She glanced over Yuta’s shoulder, directing her eyes sharply at Jaehyun, who averted his eyes. 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


They bid their goodbyes, as Yuta knew that they’d be up early to catch their flight. Yuta was somewhat sad to leave, he enjoyed the company of his grandma the most out of all of his parental figures, and he only wished that he lived closer to her. 

When they walked back to the guest house, Jaehyun placed an arm over Yuta’s shoulder as they did, and Yuta gave him a shy, small smile in return. 

They didn’t need to share any words, but Yuta just knew that Jaehyun understood how he felt somehow. 

In comfortable silence, Yuta began to pack up his bag, and Jaehyun did the same. He finished before Yuta and left his computer out, settling down to do some work. 

“Workaholic.” Yuta muttered. 

“What’d you say?” Jaehyun asked, and Yuta was surprised that he’d heard him. 

“Nothing.” Yuta curled his lips playfully, averting his eyes. 

Yuta exhaled, rubbing the back of his neck. His body felt stiff already from sitting in a train the day before and now he regretted giving up on the usual morning exercises he did during the weekdays. 

“I think I’m going to take a bath.” He announced, even though Jaehyun was busy typing away on his computer. 

Yuta took one last glance at the concentrated, yet captivating face of his betrothed, then headed out of the room. 

The loud sound of running water filled the room, and Yuta sat on the edge of the tub, he briefly reached out to touch the water to see if it was hot enough. 

He undressed slowly, examining each patch of skin on his body. Yuta had always held himself to perfectionist standards, and he noted how his muscles weren’t as toned as before, and his stomach had become too soft. His hips appeared rounder too, and he glanced away, upset at the sight. He’d be back to his old routine soon enough, which meant less time for binge eating and relaxing. 

Yuta enjoyed the hot temperature of the water, and the strong scent of vanilla that came from the body wash he had filled the tub with. The bubbles made everything more comfortable, after all. 

He scooped some into his hand, and blew them freely into the air. Yuta had his legs crossed and his feet resting on the cold tile at the end of the tub. He grew tempted to put his head fully underwater, but decided against it. 

Yuta busied himself with scrubbing his body down with a rag. It had been awhile since he had fully relaxed and done some kind of self-care like this. Yuta closed his eyes, and leaned back. He felt his muscles relax more due to the hot water.

Suddenly, he was interrupted from his calm thoughts by a slight tapping noise. 

He opened his eyes, glancing over the edge of the tub where the source of the noise was coming from. Yuta recoiled immediately as he spotted it, a bug that was flying and buzzing from the lamp to the mirror. 

Yuta wasn’t just disgusted by bugs—he _hated_ them. 

He felt his heart begin to race at the idea of it coming closer, or possibly landing on him. He wanted to get out of the bath to kill it, but also, Yuta knew he didn’t have the courage to do that. In all his years, Yuta had never killed a bug himself. It was part of his privilege, that there was always someone at hand who could kill a bug for him. 

He brought his knees up to his chest, unsure of what to do in this situation. Yuta wanted to call for Jaehyun, but there was also the fear that Jaehyun would see his naked body. 

Yuta felt foolish that he had made fun of Jaehyun for being flustered about the bath lacking a curtain. 

The bug started flying around again, and Yuta shrieked ever so slightly. He covered his mouth, and tried to calm down. All he had to do was get out of the tub, and find something to kill it with. 

But then Yuta got a clear glimpse of the bug on the mirror, and it’s actual size. 

“Nope, nope, _nope.”_ He repeated himself, pulling his knees up further. “Jaehyun?” He called quietly, the realization that he would actually have to raise his voice to get his attention dawned on him, and Yuta sighed. 

“J-Jaehyun!” Yuta stammered his name out. 

There was the sound of rustling, and something that sounded like the heavy clunk of a computer. Yuta put his head against his knees. 

“Hyung, are you okay?” Jaehyun called through the door, and Yuta grew even more red in the face. Jaehyun probably assumed something bad had happened, yet Yuta was just stuck in the tub because he couldn’t get out to kill a bug. 

“I—I’m fine! It’s just, uh..” Yuta faltered his voice, and he could imagine the puzzled look that was surely on Jaehyun’s face. 

“Do you need my help?” Jaehyun still sounded alarmed, and Yuta grew even more humiliated. This wasn’t how he wanted it to be at all. 

“Yes, please.” Yuta couldn’t lift his head as he spoke. He sank down into the water, in the hopes that the bubbles would cover his entire body up, if possible. 

“Come in, but—don’t look! If you look, I’ll be mad.” Yuta tried to sound threatening as possible, but his voice faltered. 

The doorknob twisted a little too fast, and Jaehyun walked in, with his eyes squeezed shut. Yuta had to refrain from laughing. The taller man’s stance was comical, he seemed prepared to fight an intruder, or something. 

“Uh, there’s a.. there is a bug. And I can’t get it, it was on the mirror last I saw, but I don’t know where it is now.” 

“A _bug,_ hyung?” Jaehyun smiled, and relaxed his stance. 

“Shut up. I said not to look, also.” He scolded when Jaehyun’s eyes flashed open for a second. 

“I didn’t see anything, I swear, but I need to open my eyes to find the bug.” Jaehyun replied, in a calm tone. 

“Then help me get my robe.” Yuta tried to sound less commanding as he spoke, but the words came out as more of an order than a request. 

“Am I a servant boy to you?” Jaehyun grinned, and then he was feeling along the wall for Yuta’s robe. 

“It’s on the hook.” Yuta watched as Jaehyun finally found it, and then held the robe out, for Yuta to step into. 

“Just hand it to me.” 

“I think I’ve taken enough orders from you.” Jaehyun chuckled, and Yuta felt his stomach flip at the deep tone he used. 

When he was entirely sure that Jaehyun’s eyes were closed, Yuta stood up, stepping out of the tub and turning around. He placed his arms into the robe, and tried to pull it around himself, but Jaehyun beat him to it. 

Jaehyun had seen Yuta’s back when he came out of the tub, which was wet from the soap and water, and like most of his features, Jaehyun had to fight the urge to reach out and touch it. 

Instead, he brought his hands to the belt around the robe, and tied it tightly around Yuta’s waist. 

“You opened your eyes.” Yuta pouted, not fond of Jaehyun going against his words. 

“Relax, I didn’t see anything. I do happen to have some self-control.” Upon some instinct, Jaehyun leaned closer and inhaled into Yuta’s hair, his nose pressed against the back of Yuta’s head. 

“You just contradicted yourself, I hope you realize that.” Yuta grumbled, leaning his head back and against Jaehyun’s shoulder. Their actual height difference humbled Yuta, like always. 

Yuta was drawn out of the magnetic trance between them when he noticed buzzing sound again, and practically ran from the bathroom. He could hear the loud sound of Jaehyun’s real laugh echoing into the bedroom. 

He winced when he heard the loud sound of some hard object making contact, and then the buzzing sound was gone. Yuta was sort of pleased at this, even though he _refused_ to show it. Jaehyun being able to kill bugs made things a lot easier for him. 

“The bug is gone, if you would like to go back to your bath, your highness.” Jaehyun teased him further, and any thoughts of thanking him had left Yuta’s mind. 

“I hate you.” Yuta threw a stubborn glare his way, backing away on the bed as Jaehyun came closer. 

“You’re running away from me now? After I just saved you from a bug?” Jaehyun tilted his head at him, approaching Yuta slowly. 

Yuta couldn’t escape him. Jaehyun settled down next to him, invading into his personal space. 

“I can’t relax now.” Yuta sighed, throwing an arm over his face. 

“I could help relax you.” Jaehyun added, trying to help. Instead, his words just made Yuta feel warm and left weird, intrusive thoughts in his mind. 

Yuta crossed his legs in an attempt to be decent, but made no move to get off the bed and get properly dressed. 

“Do you shave your legs?” Jaehyun asked, eyeing his bare skin. 

“No,” Yuta glanced at the look on Jaehyun’s face, “I’ve got them—waxed.” 

Jaehyun’s ears are slightly pink, Yuta can see. His hair is flopping into his face a bit, but not enough that Yuta can’t see his eyes. Jaehyun keeps his eyes on Yuta’s smooth legs. 

“Just for when I was coaching, it’s easier to have waxed legs sometimes, the sweat makes the hair feel weird, a lot of athletes do it.” 

“I think it’s mostly swimmers who do.” 

“You weren’t a soccer player, were you?” Yuta replied, slightly defensive to Jaehyun’s know-it-all attitude. 

“No, I wasn’t.” Jaehyun was sitting up suddenly, and he cleared his throat. 

The air in the room is thick all of a sudden, and it’s as if they shared some sort of non-verbal conversation, through eyes only. 

Jaehyun’s hand was awfully close to Yuta’s bare leg on the bed, before Yuta flicked his eyes up to his face one last time. Jaehyun took it as a signal, and moved his hand slowly, feeling Yuta’s nude skin under his fingertips. 

Yuta resisted the urge to let out a sigh at how good it felt. Jaehyun squeezed his calf muscle, and Yuta couldn’t hold back his audible sighs of pleasure anymore. Jaehyun pressed his thumb and forefinger against the skin, repeating the motion over the rest of his leg. 

“Are you sore, hyung? Is that why you needed to take a bath?” Jaehyun’s low and husky tone ignited something deep in Yuta. He wondered how Jaehyun had the ability to make completely casual questions sound so filthy. 

Yuta just nodded, inhaling and exhaling slowly. Jaehyun was the only man that Yuta had ever been with who seemed to want to touch _every_ part of him. His touch didn’t feel the same as any of Yuta’s previous lovers—Jaehyun’s touch caused them to fade and dim out in his mind. Yuta had never felt so appreciated by even the simplest of touches against his skin. In the past, he had always felt like it was his duty to be the one to supply affection, whereas it seemed like Jaehyun touched Yuta with the idea of making him feel good. 

The starved look in Jaehyun’s eyes only fed at Yuta’s inner desires, and he then decided he couldn’t take it anymore. The smaller man rolled back onto his stomach and then his knees. Jaehyun grabbed him, pulling Yuta in closer by his torso. 

Yuta placed his fingers at the nape of Jaehyun’s neck, holding him back. Jaehyun looked confused, still trying to meet Yuta’s lips. Yuta gasped a little, mockingly, then giggled. 

Yuta’s laugh faltered when Jaehyun’s hands found his hips, and deliciously gripped against his plush skin. 

Yuta relaxed right away when Jaehyun’s lips met his this time, his tongue slipping into Yuta’s wet and inviting mouth with haste. Yuta shivered against Jaehyun, yet he was hot all over. 

Jaehyun’s hands rubbed at his hips eagerly through the robe, leading them right down to the curve of Yuta’s ass which was even more accentuated due to the way he was sitting on his knees. Yuta attempted to climb into the taller man’s lap, but struggled due to the fabric of the robe. 

“I need—” Yuta whined out in between kisses. He jerked his hips on impulse when Jaehyun squeezed his fingers into his delicate and freshly scrubbed skin. 

“What?” Jaehyun taunted him, and then it was his turn to hold his lips from Yuta, just to watch him struggle. He gripped Yuta by his jaw, and twisted his face, attacking his mouth with a newfound desperation. 

The ring of a telephone entered the room, interrupting the sound of rustling fabric and lips meeting skin. Yuta could’ve collapsed when Jaehyun pulled away again, loathing whoever was calling with every bone in his body. 

Yuta recognized the ringtone as his own. He stared at Jaehyun’s face and heaving chest, giving his shoulder a sympathetic pat. Yuta stepped off the bed, leaving the taller man exasperated and unsatisfied. 

He composed himself before pressing answer, and could already hear Jaehyun shuffling off the bed and heading into the bathroom. 

“Hello?” Yuta asks. He had already seen the caller ID, and knew it was his mother. 

“Yuta,” she sounds stern on the other line. 

“What is it, mother?” He found himself already massaging at his temple. Yuta leaned against the doorframe leading from the bedroom into the common room. 

“Did your grandma agree to have the ring adjusted? With the family jewels?” She asked, cutting straight to the point, which was quite her style. 

“Yes, don’t try to sound surprised, either. I’m sure you already talked to her about it more than once. But why are you calling to ask now?” He asked, and glanced over at the clock which showed it was past 10. 

“We have a lot to talk about when you get back. I expect you to meet me the day after you get home.” 

“Mother, can’t I have _one_ whole day to myself before that?” 

“Don’t be so whiny, Yuta. I only called to let you know of these plans. Travel safe.” There was a beep on his line, and she hung up. Yuta was beyond irritated that his time with Jaehyun had gotten interrupted for such a useless phone call that could have easily been communicated through text. 

He decided to ignore the fact that he was upset over returning home, and get into bed. Yuta pulled on the pajama pants and shirt he had set aside, and crawled into bed. 

Jaehyun wasn’t out of the shower yet, and Yuta realized that this would be his reality soon enough. He would be sleeping all alone again, with no arms to touch or hold him as he fell asleep.

Yuta sniffed, and held onto his pillow. He tried his best not to let his emotions get out of hand, because it seemed ridiculous to be so needy and clingy after only a few days. 

_What’s wrong with me?_ Yuta thought to himself. He tossed and turned in the guest bed as he waited for Jaehyun to come out from the shower, unable to fall asleep. 

When he finally did, Yuta pretended to be asleep, holding his eyes shut when Jaehyun entered the room, just to see what he’d do. 

The covers jostled, and Yuta felt them pulled all the way up to his neck. 

“Are you awake?” Jaehyun asked, barely above a whisper. 

Yuta wanted to lie, and it would’ve been so easy just to stay quiet and keep the act up. 

But he couldn’t. 

“I’m awake. What is it?” Yuta responded. 

“It’s our last night here, together.” Jaehyun raised his voice higher now. 

“I know.” Yuta chuckled, laughing instead of dealing with how the reality settling in made him feel. 

“Can I ask you something, Yuta?” Jaehyun moved closer to him, enough that Yuta could touch him if he reached out. 

“Yes. Anything.” Yuta responded right away. 

“When.. when we get back, what do you want us to be?” Jaehyun’s face, even in the moonlight, showed vulnerability. Yuta could just tell that he had worked up the courage to say those words. 

The impact of the words left Yuta’s heart beat faster than it should be.

“I want to try.. I want to be something to you. For real, this time—without any games, distractions. But it might be hard to do that while planning for a wedding.” Yuta laughed it off again, but Jaehyun didn’t join him in laughing. 

“I want that too, Yuta. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted it for.” Jaehyun’s voice was sincere, and Yuta held his gaze. 

“I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me sooner, then.” Yuta hitched his breath when Jaehyun came closer. 

“I was just afraid of what you might think of me if I did. Or.. that things wouldn’t work between us if we really tried.” Jaehyun brushed some of Yuta’s hair from his eyes as he spoke, and Yuta caught his hand, intertwining their fingers. 

“I understand now. I was afraid too.” Yuta tried to suppress the tears that threatened to surge over his eyes, overwhelmed from the truth and the softness in Jaehyun’s confession. 

They spilled over despite his attempt, and Jaehyun brushed them away softly with his thumb. Yuta was then met with a gentle kiss against his lips, barely touching his own in the dark. Unlike the heated and hungry kisses from earlier, this kiss felt simple, soft, and broken. Jaehyun’s thumb steadied his trembling jaw, which Yuta appreciated greatly. 

Once Yuta’s tears had stopped, Jaehyun retracted his lips, and they laid face to face. Yuta didn’t have to ask to be held this time, as Jaehyun pulled him close to his chest, and Yuta wrapped his arms up around Jaehyun’s shoulders. 

  
  


-

  
  
  


The expression “distance makes the heart grow fonder,” was absolute bullshit, Yuta had decided. He never had much faith in the stupid saying. 

It was over three days since he had last seen Jaehyun, at the airport to be exact. They had shared a brief hug, and Jaehyun had pressed his lips to Yuta’s temple, and then he was gone. Yuta was irritated that he hadn’t had the courage to just go with the younger to his dorm room, even just for a little bit. 

Yuta figured it would’ve been smart to spend a bit more time together before spring break was over, but no—Yuta was unable to bring himself to ask for something that made him seem clingy or _needy._

He wanted to see him again already. Yuta missed sleeping with his arms around him, and waking up next to him. He even missed eating meals with him, like normal couples do, and most of all he just missed Jaehyun’s presence. 

Yuta couldn’t bear to stay in his apartment, the loneliness becoming too much for even him, who was usually fine with some alone time. How had he become so codependent in only a couple days? 

He had delayed the meeting with his mother, mostly to spite her, but also because he didn’t want to see her to discuss whatever she had planned.

When Yuta had arrived, he found her sitting in her work office after searching around his large, now unfamiliar, old home. 

Upon entering the room, she didn’t look up from whatever papers she was scanning over. She wore her usual business suit, except her hair was down for once, and she used her glasses to push it out of the way. 

“Hello, dear.” She spoke flatly. “Do you still have time for your mother after all?” 

“You invited me here.” Yuta answered, settling down on the couch. 

It wasn’t that things were estranged between them, but, Yuta had certainly felt the wedge that was driven between their relationship ever since he had moved out. 

“Mhm, I did.” She replied, setting the papers she was scanning over down. 

“Did you really leave your engagement ring with your grandmother?” She asked, clearly gesturing to his bare ring finger. 

“Yes, what else was I meant to do? She said she wanted the adjustments to be made in Japan.” Yuta justified himself, feeling upset that he even had to do so. 

“Well, now you’re walking around without one again.” 

“If you came here to state the obvious and criticize me I’d rather just leave.” Yuta said, knowing very well that he wasn’t meant to talk to his own mother that way. 

“You aren’t leaving.” She replied sternly. 

“I—“ 

“We have to talk about your sister. Hikaru.” 

“Why? Is something wrong?” He asked, immediate concern growing in his voice. Yuta didn’t like the look his mother had on her face. 

“Yes, but it’s not life threatening or anything. It’s about her fertility. She had some tests run at the hospital, as she’s been trying for a baby since her wedding back in December. And they found that she’s barren.” 

Yuta grew solemn at the news. It was rather heartbreaking to hear, and a part of him was sad that he wasn’t there to console his sister and that he was hearing it from his mother instead. 

“How is she doing?” Yuta inquired, his voice much softer and with less of an icy tone after his mother had burdened him with the news. 

“She’s not that well, you know how she always hoped for a big family.” His mother placed her hand on her chin, and glanced out the window. 

“But the problem is bigger than her, too. It means a problem for our family.” She looked Yuta up and down once more, then sighed. 

“You’re the only hope this family has of an heir that can be born from two purebred families.” 

“What are you saying?” Yuta sneered, uncomfortable at the implications of her words. “You want me to think about heirs? Right now? You haven’t even married me off yet, slow down.” 

“I don’t appreciate your tone. It’s a serious topic and your father and I have always known this. One of the reasons we allowed Hikaru to marry low is because we knew that she’d at least bring us heirs, which we could groom to be successful and high class, but now, that’s not in the picture.” 

“Do you even hear yourself? Really? Talking about ‘grooming’ children into becoming high class, and approaching me about this talk of heirs, for what?” 

“I know about your supplement medication, Yuta.” 

“How do you know about that? That’s personal.” Yuta grew angrier as each second passed. First, his mother came at him with invasive talk about heirs, and now she was revealing that she knew about his personal decisions with his body. 

“I found it one day, in your room, when you still lived with us. I understand, it’s normal for someone who was raised to be civil like you to want to control yourself that way. But the side effects might’ve damaged you in other ways.” Her disapproving tone sent chills down his spine, and Yuta shook his head. 

“I don’t want to have this conversation with you. What was the point of you telling me all this anyways? Huh? So you could scold me for taking it?” 

“Watch your tone, again.” She waved her hand over her pearl necklace, and Yuta observed how she glared at him. It made him feel like a small child again. 

“The point was to tell you that I expect you to stop taking the medication. For the future of this family, and your own wellbeing. You don’t want to end up compromising the way this family’s future looks for your own pleasures.” There was no warmth in her eyes at all, as she spoke, Yuta noticed. 

He wondered what had caused that light to go out. 

“I don’t care about any of that. I wish you had understood that when I moved out.” 

“Very well. Even if you don’t care—there was something else I was going to tell you, and believe me, I didn’t want to.” She sighed, taking a sip from the cup of tea that was settled on her desk. 

“Jaehyun’s father came and told me, that his _son_ confided in him and told him that he had concerns about the longevity of your marriage. And how the two of you will stay compatible through it.” Her voice sounded like an echo to Yuta at this point, as he realized what she was saying. 

Yuta froze in his spot at her words. He didn’t want to blindly trust her, but he couldn’t help that she had instilled new feelings of doubt in him. 

“Well, anyways. It concerned me to hear that. And it seems you’re concerned too. Now, the best way to _ensure_ that your marriage goes smoothly, is to bring his family a healthy heir as well. It’s what I did for your father, after all.” 

Yuta glanced down at his hands as she spoke, afraid of what she’d see in his face. 

“I’m only saying this for your own good, Yuta. You should do what’s best for the future of your family, but for yourself, too.” 

“When did—when did he tell you that?” Yuta could only muster a simple response, a bit too shocked to do anything else. 

“He visited right before you left, of course. I’m sure that things changed between you two on the trip, right?” 

Yuta gulped. 

“Yes, they did.” 

“Good. Then, you should be on the right track. Just be careful, it seems like Jaehyun has quite a wandering mind when it comes to how your marriage will work.” 

Yuta wondered if he was the only one who had to deal with a mother like this. One who didn’t seem to be on his side at all, ever since he had come of age, it seemed like she viewed him as some sort of task that he has to maintain rather than as her son. Any memory of a relationship that Yuta had with her, felt so far away. 

He couldn’t shake the sick feeling in his stomach at the thought of it. 

“Now, back onto the topic of wedding preparations. Have you decided on an event planner?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyy! as always leave any comments or thoughts you guys have to contribute. 
> 
> i’d like to thank @_pequinessa on twitter and as a great author here on ao3 for helping me out with some tips and advice. 
> 
> see you guys next timeee! ❤️


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for all the support always! i can’t believe it. i hope you enjoy this chapter. i’m glad to finally introduce a certain character lol.

Yuta had never once been fond of the doctor’s office. There was something so awfully sterile about it, that it threw him off completely. 

He was also sitting in a room surrounded by several pregnant people. Yuta spotted more than five people easily, who were carrying. 

Yuta had only scheduled an appointment to cancel his prescription and to ask what the side effects would be when he did. 

But it was obvious that this doctor’s office focused mainly on omega clients, so it was probably inevitable, Yuta thought, to see small children running around and people with baby bumps. 

He observed a heavily pregnant woman attempt to bend down and pick up one of her children’s toys, and had to tell himself not to wince at the sight. 

Yuta could hardly see anything appealing in getting pregnant right after having one child. Just the thought of having one sounded a bit overwhelming. 

Yuta began to panic even more in his mind with the thought of his life with three or more kids, he pictured himself trying to balance them all at once, and could imagine the stress taking hold of him already. 

_But, they would be Jaehyun’s children._ Yuta pressed a hand to his temple, in an attempt to stifle his running mind. 

They called his name eventually, and Yuta went into one of the back rooms to meet with his regular doctor. She was a kind female omega who Yuta felt comfortable being around. 

She asked the regular check up questions about his health, and then moved on to the topic of suppressants. 

“So, you quit them by mistake first?” She glanced at him while checking something off on her notes. 

“Yes, I was on a trip, and I forgot to take them for two days.” 

“Was there a reason why?” 

Yuta tried not to be flustered, realizing what she was insinuating. 

“I was with a male alpha.” He admitted quietly. 

“Boyfriend? Husband?” She asked, giving Yuta a calm smile, which he could only assume was an attempt to make him feel more comfortable. 

“Fiancé.” 

“How sweet. But, you’ve decided to stop taking them before the wedding?” 

“Yes, I’ve heard it can take a while for things to get back to regular.” 

“Mhm, we’ll prescribe you some vitamins to help with the transition back to your natural cycle and for your body to regulate. It’s also possible that you may experience pre-heat symptoms which feel the same as a normal heat.” 

She caught the sense of doubt in Yuta’s eyes, and continued on. “But, you are young, and especially if you have a partner already with whom you are acquainted with, it shouldn’t be any problem.” 

“Ah, I see.” Yuta managed to say, unable to keep the distaste out of his voice. He was no stranger to how painful heats could be. He had no fond memories of them, at all. It wasn’t the same with alpha’s who could find someone to share a rut with—omega’s were cursed to spend it alone, it was known as taboo to spend a heat with someone you weren’t mated to. 

“It’s also normal to experience spiking in scent, so I’d recommended wearing cologne or perfume if you don’t already. And staying away from larger gatherings of unwanted and unknown alpha’s, of course.” 

“Do you have any other questions for me?” She asked softly, when Yuta fell silent. 

“Ah, no, thank you for seeing me.” 

“Of course. We’ll prescribe your vitamins today, and I’ve already sent the note to have the suppressants order cancelled.”

“And congratulations on the engagement!” She added, when Yuta was already halfway out the doorway. 

Yuta nodded, and thanked her once more. He headed back down to the main waiting room, where all the chaotic family life was. Yuta was quite glad when they gave him his prescription, and he was able to get out of there finally.

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


“When did you decide to buy a fur rug anyways?” Yuta asked, as he was sitting on the grey furry rug that Doyoung had on his dorm room floor. 

“I got it from Ikea. I thought it looked nice.” Doyoung shrugged, heading back over to his couch and settling down onto it rather than sitting on the floor like Yuta was. 

“It’s alright.” 

“Are you really that bored that you’re commenting on my _rug?_ We can watch a different movie, you know.” 

Yuta didn’t look up, he was busy hooked into his phone as he checked his messages for what must’ve been the 4th time that night. 

Doyoung and him were back to having their normal Friday night movie nights now that Yuta had returned from his trip. 

“I’m going to throw your phone out the window soon, Yuta.” Doyoung mumbled. 

“Hey! You’re in no place to threaten me, I’ve seen you check yours a couple times now, even though you won’t tell me whoever it is you’re waiting on.” 

“I’m not waiting on anyone. I was checking my phone for a text from the delivery man. Not because I’m waiting for my sexy fiancé to hit me up.” Doyoung chuckled at the scowl Yuta threw at him. 

“Watch it. How do I know you aren’t hooking up with the delivery man? Maybe that’s why you won’t tell me.” Yuta raised a brow, smiling at his own joke. 

Doyoung just rolled his eyes, and averted his attention back to the movie. 

Since Yuta didn’t share the same interest in action films as his friend, he flipped through two of the magazines he had scattered on the floor. 

He had taken a few with him from his mother’s house when he left after their cold encounter, in order to get some inspiration before he met again with the event planner. 

Yuta had been right about the anxiety of planning for a wedding, it was no fun to organize seating charts and invitations. He wanted to get it over with already. 

“When’s the next time you’re supposed to see Jaehyun, anyways?” Doyoung spoke up again, eyes still fixated on the movie in front of them. 

“For the suit fitting later this week. He wanted to come and meet the event planner, but he has a busy week studying for mid finals I think.” Yuta responded, setting the stack of magazines back down. 

“He’s really not helping with any of the planning?” Doyoung questioned. 

“It’s not like he doesn’t want to. He just can’t find the time right now.” Yuta was quick to respond defensively, both for himself and Jaehyun. 

“You act like he’s off at war.” Doyoung rolled his eyes, and Yuta gave him an especially dark glare. 

“And you’ve already met up with the event planner?” Doyoung grabbed the remote, and turned the volume down as a fight scene began to play rather loudly on the tv. 

“A couple times, yes. His name is Taeyong, he’s cool.” Yuta placed his head onto his knees, which he had drawn up to his chest. 

“Older or younger?” 

“Older than me by a couple months. He was born in ‘95 too.” 

“Ah, same age friends?” Doyoung smiled, and Yuta just rolled his eyes. 

Yuta opened his instagram, showing Doyoung the event planner’s instagram, which he had already been looking at earlier. 

“He’s handsome. There’s something.. sharp.. about it, but still. He’s good looking. Is he a beta? Or an omega?”

“An alpha, actually.” Yuta corrected. 

“I see. I guess he does have that vibe.” 

Yuta shook his head, “all that stuff is made up. People have been surprised that I’m an omega before.” 

“Really?” Doyoung raised a brow, and Yuta shoved at his knee. 

“Anyways, It’s good, Yuta. You should hang out with someone who is your age too.” 

“You’re a year younger. And we aren’t _hanging_ out, he’s my event planner.” Yuta spoke, watching as his friend’s attention began to falter again. 

Doyoung got a notification, and pulled his phone out quickly. He smiled, and began typing back quickly. Yuta settled down next to him on the couch, trying to see the screen. 

“Another text from the delivery man?” Yuta chuckled sarcastically. He pulled back from trying to look over Doyoung’s shoulder, after the other man nudged him with his knee. 

“Alright,” Doyoung sighed, and shut his phone off, “If I silence my phone, you have to promise to silence yours.” 

“Deal.” Yuta handed Doyoung his pinky, and they both chuckled at the childlike gesture. 

“Ah!” Yuta said suddenly, the thought reappearing now that all distraction was gone. 

“I wanted to ask if you wanted to go clubbing or out to eat later this week. I have something to celebrate.” Yuta smiled as Doyoung’s face lit up. 

“What’s that? You waited until _now_ to tell me?” 

“Well, firstly, I’m quitting my job as assistant soccer coach. And secondly, I sent several applications to universities for art in the city.” 

“Yuta! You didn’t even tell me you were applying!” Doyoung hopped off the couch, and practically tackled Yuta. 

They both laughed, and enveloped each other in a big hug. Yuta was overwhelmed with the sincerity of Doyoung’s admiration for him. 

“I wanted to be sure before I told you.” Yuta responded, widely grinning now. 

“That’s amazing. You’re so smart and capable, you’ll do great.” Doyoung patted Yuta’s back as they hugged. Yuta felt more than content in his best friend's arms. 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Yuta trudged slowly up the fire exit staircase of his apartment. He decided to take the staircase in an attempt to burn some calories, but due to it being so late at night he was regretting his choice to do so. 

He finally made it to his floor, and sighed. Yuta checked his coat pocket for his keys, and slowly realized he had never turned his phone off silent. 

Yuta almost took his phone out to check, but decided against it. He doubted he’d have any missed calls or texts anyways. 

However, Yuta wasn’t prepared at all for the sight of the man standing outside his door once he rounded the corner and was facing his apartment. 

“Jaehyun?” Yuta called out, completely perplexed at what he could possibly be doing standing outside of Yuta’s apartment door at 10pm. 

The younger man wore a tan-colored trench coat, and a dress shirt underneath. His hair was styled neatly and freshly combed, but the eye bags Yuta spotted as he got closer, didn’t quite match the rest of his cleaned appearance. 

Yuta was wearing a pair of old, worn down sweatpants and an oversized tie-dye shirt that he was almost drowning in, and some sneakers. No one would ever think the pair even knew each other. 

“What are you doing here? Is everything okay?” Yuta asked again, and came closer to where Jaehyun was standing. 

“You didn’t answer—“ Jaehyun paused and Yuta could see he was catching himself, “I got worried. So, I asked my mother for your apartment address and.. I knocked but.. you didn’t answer here either.” 

“Oh.” Yuta turned his face down at his feet, fighting the urge to become flustered. “I was just at Doyoung’s.” 

“Ah.. right.” Jaehyun seemed a bit defeated by this response. 

“You really didn’t have to come all the way here.” Yuta’s lips slowly curled into a smile as he took in his appearance again. 

“Did you get ready to come here?” He asked, knowing that _no_ medical student would normally dress like that, even the esteemed Jung Jaehyun himself. 

“It’s your fault for not answering the phone.” Jaehyun said, looking away from Yuta now. 

“You were worried about me but you got dressed first.”

“I thought you’d be at home.” Jaehyun crossed his arms, obviously trying to look serious. He succeeded, with his tense gaze and posture. 

Yuta just giggled, and brushed past him to type in the passcode and enter the key. 

Once the door was open, Jaehyun stood outside waiting, which told Yuta that he didn’t know what to do with himself. 

“Are you going to come in or do you prefer standing in the hall?” 

Jaehyun stumbled inside, hesitantly taking off his shoes, like he wasn’t welcome. 

“Your place is.. nice.” Jaehyun said, and Yuta grinned again. 

“I know. I didn’t do too bad picking a place for myself.” He sighed softly, and placed his hands onto the kitchen counter. 

“How long were you waiting out there Jae?” 

“Just around, 20 minutes. Not that long.” Jaehyun answered, trailing around Yuta’s apartment somewhat absent-mindedly. 

Jaehyun stopped abruptly, not daring to venture towards Yuta’s bedroom and bathroom at the further end of the apartment. He joined Yuta's side at the kitchen counter. 

“I can’t believe you’re here.” Yuta nibbled down on his bottom lip.

“Like I said, I was worried—and..” 

“I missed you.” Jaehyun finished, his words sounded a bit slurred as he spoke, Yuta was unable to tell if it was due to his quiet tone or something else. 

He tried to make eye contact with Yuta, but Yuta was unable to keep it. 

“It’s been two weeks since I saw your face.” Yuta muttered, keeping his stance against the kitchen countertop. 

“I know. This is exactly why I was dreading coming back here.” Jaehyun sighed, and his eyes fell onto where Yuta was tapping his fingers against the counter. 

“You could text me more.” Yuta said, lifting his face up again as he spoke. The smaller man held a slight pout across his lips, which was barely noticeable. 

“I would see you face to _face_ more if I could, Yuta.” Jaehyun creased his brow, and then placed his hand on the countertop next to where Yuta was standing. 

“This isn’t fair. Why couldn’t you have chosen something simple? Like art. Be more like me.” Yuta muttered, shyly deflecting his conflicted emotions. 

It was easier for Yuta to make jokes with him like this, rather than communicate how deeply he wanted to be with him. Yuta could not bring himself to admit how much he was missed being with Jaehyun. 

“If it was allowed for me, I’d have majored in photography.” Jaehyun replied. Yuta was eager at his admission, always happy to learn something new about him. 

“You like to take pictures? I didn’t know that.” Yuta continued. 

“I did, for a while. I lost inspiration a bit, but I still bring out my old camera’s every now and then.” 

“Imagine if things were different, we could be two struggling artists.” Yuta grinned at his own suggestion. 

“You’d make for a pretty muse.” Jaehyun added, and his hand dropped lower to brush against Yuta’s hip. 

“I don’t photograph well.” Yuta shook his head. 

“That’s incorrect, and we both know it.” Jaehyun flicked his eyes slowly over Yuta, like he was the most delectable thing he had ever seen. Yuta couldn’t understand it, because there he was, standing bare-faced in raggedy old clothing, yet Jaehyun liked all that he saw. Yuta could probably wear a trashbag and Jaehyun would still look at him the same. 

Yuta leaned up onto his tip toes, and brought his lips to Jaehyun’s, for a chaste and quick kiss. Jaehyun leaned down for more, and Yuta just grinned, pushing past him. Of course Yuta wanted more too, but he couldn’t exactly show Jaehyun that. It would only boost his confidence in his skills more. 

“I’m a terrible host. I didn’t ask you if you need anything, you must be thirsty? Hungry?” Yuta walked over to his fridge, moving away from where Jaehyun was most likely seconds away from pressing him into the countertop. 

Yuta paused before opening his fridge, knowing well that there was barely anything inside. He couldn’t recall the last time he’d actually gone out and bought groceries. 

Jaehyun seemed to find this amusing, and he headed up behind Yuta, opening the fridge. 

“What—do you even eat, hyung?” Yuta closed the door before Jaehyun could stare any longer at the fridge which had bare minimal actual food, and was mostly just leftover styrofoam boxes. 

“I do get takeout a lot, alright.” Yuta said, and moved away from where he was pressed uncomfortably against the door handle of the fridge. 

“You won’t have to do that anymore, soon.” Jaehyun insinuated, coming close to Yuta even as Yuta tried to move back. 

“As if you’ll be home to cook every meal when..” Yuta’s smile faded, and he glanced away. 

He was suddenly forced into the intrusive thoughts about what his mother had told him at their last meeting. Yuta thought it over in his mind, re-considering every word. 

_“it seems like Jaehyun has quite a wandering mind when it comes to how your marriage will work.”_

Yuta tried his hardest to push the thoughts away. He hated how he had been so caught up with seeing Jaehyun, that his thoughts of doubt and questions seemed to wash away. 

“I’ll just teach you how, then.” Jaehyun replied softly, and Yuta locked eyes with him this time. 

“I’m a quick learner but I think I’m doomed in the kitchen.” Yuta weakly replied, his eyes shooting Jaehyun a knowing look. 

“You’re good at everything.” 

“Stop. That’s not true.” Yuta dismissed the compliment. 

“Let’s sit down, I want to hear about your day. In person.” Jaehyun moved away from the counter. 

“It’s late, Jaehyun, won’t you be tired?” 

Yuta felt his heart flutter when Jaehyun grabbed his hand, and pulled Yuta into his own living room, going towards the couch. 

“I’ll be tired anyways. I always am.” He shrugged, and they settled down onto the couch side by side. Jaehyun kept Yuta’s hand in his own. 

Jaehyun's shoulders were slouched inward, and the unfit posture made him look older than he was. Yuta let go of his hand, and reached an arm over the taller man to pull at the trench coat he was wearing. 

“What are you doing?” Jaehyun asked, and Yuta grinned. 

“You should take off your coat if you’re going to stay for a bit.” 

“Is this a rule in your house?” Jaehyun asked softly. 

“Yes.” 

Jaehyun complied then, shrugging the coat off, and then Yuta tossed it over the arm of the couch. 

“So, then. Tell me about your day. Tell me, how’s event planning going?” Jaehyun was carding his hands through his combed hair, which became disheveled as he did. 

“It was fine, I had a doctors appointment earlier and then I went and hung out at Doyoung’s, and that’s when I silenced my phone.” 

“The doctor?” Jaehyun asked, even in his sleepy tone he sounded alarmed, “are you okay?” 

“Yes, I’m fine. It was a checkup. And.. I had to get off supplements. My mom forced her hand, but, I think it was time for myself too anyways.” Yuta said, feeling conscious after admitting such a detail to Jaehyun. 

“You were taking those?” There wasn’t any judgement in his tone, but Yuta sensed it regardless. 

“I didn’t have much of a choice.” Yuta said in a small voice. He pulled his legs up to the couch, feeling a false sense of protection in that position. 

“By the way, what was so urgent that you needed to get a hold of me right away?” He asked, and Jaehyun shook his head. 

“It was nothing, just wanted to see you, that’s all.” 

Yuta observed how tired he truly looked, and how even his voice sounded sleepy. Jaehyun didn’t exactly have a lively and upbeat personality all the time, but Yuta could tell when he was over-exhausted.

He gently reached a hand up, to brush the fallen hair from Jaehyun’s eyes like he did with Yuta’s so many times before. Yuta was returning the gesture. 

“And—“ 

“What?” 

“I was gonna ask if you wanted to go on a.. well, if you wanted to go out to dinner. With me, next week.” Jaehyun looked at Yuta once, and then averted his eyes back down on the floor. 

It was sweet, in a way that left Yuta curious if that was Jaehyun’s first time asking for an actual date. Regardless of how it seemed like he was inexperienced in asking, Yuta found the gesture charming. 

“I’d love to go out with you.” Yuta smiled, and refrained from climbing onto the younger man like he wanted to. “Text me the details anytime.” 

Instead, Yuta relaxed against the couch, and then he gestured for Jaehyun to come closer with his hand. Jaehyun raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Lay with me.” 

They scooted and moved around trying to get comfortable together on the small couch at first. After some struggling, they faced with their chests pressed almost together. Jaehyun held Yuta close by his thigh with one hand, and the other was clinging to Yuta’s back with such intensity. Yuta had a leg over Jaehyun’s waist. 

Yuta’s eyes followed where Jaehyun’s arm rested on his figure, holding Yuta against him. It almost felt like a dancing position, except they were laying down. 

“When was the last time you just relaxed?” Yuta asked, observing him fully due to their close proximity, he could see Jaehyun’s eyes were a bit red. 

“It was when you and I were together.” He answered, and Yuta could read the honesty in his weary face. 

“Jaehyun.” Yuta breathed out, open concern in his tone. 

He couldn’t help his workload, Yuta knew, but that didn’t save him from the worry that washed over him at how drained and lifeless Jaehyun looked after just two weeks. 

There was something that Yuta felt like he was missing. 

“You can tell me, Jaehyun. When something is wrong.” Yuta placed a hand gently onto Jaehyun's face. The skin of his face was cold, and Yuta felt how his cheeks seemed hollow under his touch. Yuta had noticed he appeared more lean than the last time he’d seen the taller man. 

Yuta scooted closer, so that his lips could meet just the corner of Jaehyun’s mouth, pressing a gentle kiss there. He went to Jaehyun’s jaw next, communicating what he couldn’t say in his words through touches with his lips. It felt appropriate. 

“I know. There’s a lot I should tell you.” Jaehyun removed Yuta’s hand from his face, gently pulling it off. He held it in place, and then pressed a kiss to it. 

“Then tell me, please. I wanna hear all that’s on your mind.” Yuta quietly admitted, he would have been ashamed at this type of begging in any other circumstances. 

“I will eventually, baby. I promise.” He looked away from Yuta’s face, which was hard to do since they were laying so close. 

Yuta was beginning to notice how Jaehyun liked to use that word. _Promise_. But how many times could he use it, he wondered. How many times would the word promise have meaning to it before it just turned into another word? 

“I should go.” He murmured against the skin of Yuta’s hand, and Yuta felt the familiar pool of dread enter his stomach. 

Jaehyun was pulling away again, retracting away from him right as things seemed to be working. Yuta found himself with his fist in the fabric of Jaehyun’s shirt, unable to let go. 

“Do you have to?” Yuta asked, trying to hide the pain in his voice, which came out as a soft, weak whisper despite his attempts. 

“I won’t be able to leave if I stay any longer. You’d have to kick me out.” Jaehyun spoke with his hand wrapped tightly around Yuta’s smaller one. 

“That’s not a problem with me.” 

“What would I do without you?” Jaehyun’s other hand moved softly along Yuta’s back as he spoke, _up and down,_ along his spine. 

His word choice made Yuta feel uneasy, and he swallowed as a result. 

Jaehyun didn’t speak another word. He just buried his face into Yuta’s neck and smaller shoulder. Yuta pulled him close, running his fingers along the back of Jaehyun’s head. 

It wasn’t until Yuta was holding him close like this, with his face against Jaehyun’s head, that his nose caught the scent of it. 

Strong liquor. Booze. Whiskey. Jaehyun smelled of it. There was something else too. It reminded Yuta of the cigarettes his father used to smoke when he was little. They were imported especially from Japan, and they reeked. Yuta couldn’t even remember the brand name, only how bad he hated the smell of them. 

Yuta felt the puzzle pieces slowly come together in his mind. His fiancé wasn’t entirely sober. It had been hidden by his clothes, his combed hair, the fact that he naturally sounded and looked sleepy, but Yuta had no doubt about it now. 

“Thank you.” Jaehyun mumbled against Yuta’s skin once he believed Yuta had fallen asleep. 

Yuta couldn’t ignore the smell of the liquor and cigarettes, even as Jaehyun drifted to sleep in his arms. It stayed, like a weight on Yuta’s chest. 

  
  
  


-

  
  


Yuta woke up due to his shivering. He guessed his body wasn’t used to having no blanket or warmth as he slept. Yuta checked his phone clock, and saw it was early, 6am to be exact. He pulled his face into a tired grimace. 

The previous night felt like some bad dream to Yuta. He rubbed his eyes and sat up on the couch, and glanced at how empty the apartment was now. At the sight, another shiver went down his spine. 

_Cold._ He was cold, inside and out. 

Jaehyun had left his apartment already. Without saying goodbye. Yuta tried not to get upset about it, because he knew that the younger was handling a lot, even if he didn’t share it. He only wished that Jaehyun had at least woken him up to say goodbye. He didn’t enjoy feeling like some one night stand, just without the screwing. 

Yuta had business to take care of at the postal office, and he decided to head downtown where he was set to meet Taeyong later that day. 

He spent most of his morning just shopping around, and eventually met Taeyong for breakfast. 

They then decided to head down to the park. Taeyong had brought his dog along with them, which Yuta figured anyone else who was meeting a client wouldn’t do, but Yuta had already said he’d like to meet his dog. 

“You sent all the invites out today?” Taeyong asked, and it was hard to take him super serious when he insisted on wearing these funny yellow-tinted sunglasses that Yuta had already teased him for wearing. 

“Yes, It was a bit confusing at the postal office, but I managed it.” Yuta kept his hands in his jean jacket pockets as they walked. 

They had circled around the small dog park twice already, and Yuta had thrown the frisbee for Taeyong’s dog a couple times now. She was some kind of labradoodle mix, and Yuta found her quite cute. 

Yuta had contacted Taeyong a couple days after his mother had told him to pick an event planner, and he figured it was a long shot, but Taeyong had gotten back to him right away. 

It turned out that he had an apartment in Seoul, and had only been visiting in remote Japan to search for ‘new’ inspiration. Yuta was glad, since it made his life a lot easier. 

“Suzy!” Taeyong called, whistling a couple times and patting his knees, motioning for his dog to come forward. 

Yuta smiled as he watched the dog perk her ears up and run toward them, his smile turned into laughter as Suzy went up and jumped onto his legs rather than Taeyong’s. 

“She likes me better than you already.” Yuta kneeled down onto the ground, scratching at the dog’s ears and making kissy faces at her. 

“Does _not._ It’s only because you gave her two treats when I said she could have one.” Taeyong chuckled, and shook his head. 

Yuta glanced up at the sky when he felt a rain drop, realizing it had become rather overcast outside. 

“Do you still suggest that we go to the florist shop?” Yuta said, and stood up from where he had settled down onto the ground in order to pet Suzy.

“Yes, because like most clients, you think you know everything already.” Taeyong fastened Suzy’s leash back around her collar, and they began to head out of the park. 

“I do know everything when it comes to floral arrangements.” Yuta smiled. 

“Were you a florist or something?” 

“No, no, but years of having to help plan dinner parties did give me some tips on how to properly match peonies with eucalyptus.” 

“Dinner parties were basically weekly.” Yuta continued. 

“I can’t imagine that, for me. I think the only time my family had dinner parties were during the holidays.” Taeyong answered. 

They continued to chat about family life as they walked side by side downtown. It felt nice, and Yuta kept forgetting that Taeyong was an event planner, not a new friend. 

When they arrived at the small shop, Taeyong had to wait with Suzy outside while Yuta talked to the florist at the counter inside. 

The shop was on a curb, and it wasn’t what Yuta had been expecting. But he preferred the small and cute designs inside rather than the eccentric or expensive insides of the florist shops he had previously seen. 

“You’re certain about this design?” The florist asked, giving Yuta a hesitant glance at his choice. 

Yuta just gave her a nod, and slid the order form over. He asked for a pairing of lilacs, lavender, and delphinium flowers. All had cool, purple and blue tones which he knew would suit the theme of the wedding well. 

“Is that your fiancé waiting out there? He keeps looking inside at you.” The woman smiled, as she swiped the card Yuta had handed over to her. 

Yuta turned around, and saw she was right. Taeyong had his eyes trained on Yuta from outside, which meant he was probably just worried Yuta was making the wrong choice, he figured. 

“No, just my event planner.” 

The woman nodded, and handed Yuta his card back. He headed outside with the receipt and order form. 

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t come in with, again, I’m failing on the job already. I shouldn’t have brought Suzy with.” Taeyong rambled, obviously ashamed and regretting the fact that he’d brought her along. 

“It was alright! I already knew what I wanted anyways and I’m glad you brought her along. Don’t apologize.” 

“I’ll buy us some drinks to make up for it. Or anything you want, I swear.” 

“You really don’t have to, Taeyong.” Yuta said, smiling at his intense groveling. 

“I should! I only brought her because she gets sad when she’s left in my apartment all alone.” 

“It’s sweet how much you care for your dog.” Yuta said, his eyes glanced down at Suzy, who was trotting happily alongside both of them. 

They ended up stopping at a tea shop, one that Yuta had found online and made sure had outside seating. 

Yuta ordered a small cheesecake and black tea, and Taeyong ordered some kind of overly-sweetened, frozen caramel coffee drink. Yuta giggled when he gave himself a brain freeze from drinking it too fast. 

The waiter had actually swapped their orders first, and apologized profusely for assuming wrong. 

It was funny, but Yuta guessed it was due to the fact that he was an omega wearing light colored clothing, and Taeyong, despite his rather beautiful features, was an alpha wearing dark clothing. 

Yuta had waited to formally ask, as it would have been considered offensive to do on a first meeting, but it actually was what Yuta had assumed first when he’d met Taeyong. It was something about his calm and cool personality that gave it away for Yuta. 

“I can’t believe you don’t even add cream to your tea.” 

“Why would I do that? Sugar is enough, plus, I have cheesecake here too.” Yuta replied, after Taeyong watched him take a sip of his bitter tea. 

“For flavor!” Taeyong exclaimed. 

“You keep drinking your brain freeze in a cup and I’ll enjoy my tea.” Yuta laughed.

“Whatever.” Taeyong crossed his arms in a joking manner and leaned back further into his chair. 

Taeyong watched Yuta’s hand lift his cup again, and then opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something. 

“I meant to ask.. but, I didn’t want to sound rude. Do you not have an engagement ring?” Taeyong hesitantly spoke, and Yuta could tell he was on edge about asking. 

“It’s just, when we met you weren’t wearing one either, so I was sort of surprised when you said you were engaged.” He rambled continuously when Yuta didn’t answer right away. 

Yuta nodded, and set his tea down. “I have one, but, the band needed to be adjusted and some jewels were added on to it.” 

“Oh. Your fiancé didn’t have your ring size?” 

“Yeah.” Yuta forced a laugh,“he never asked.” 

Taeyong didn’t quite know the whole story of how Yuta had become engaged to his betrothed, and Yuta wasn’t sure if he wanted to share it. 

Arranged marriages weren’t exactly uncommon even in that day and age. Especially between two high class families trying to keep the line of privilege and wealth going. It was quite common for parents to play some role in their children’s marriages. 

Yuta bit his lip. It felt nice having a normal conversation with someone, and not having to worry about seeming proper or polite enough. 

He just wanted to seem normal to Taeyong. 

  
  


-

  
  


Towards the middle of the week, Yuta had gotten back to his normal routine of going to the gym early in the morning. He figured it would be good for his mental and physical health to get back to something he enjoyed. 

However, Yuta had been feeling rather feverish all day. It wasn’t exactly unbearable, but he’d been hotter than normal and was tempted to test his temperature once he got home. 

The worst part of the gym was how he had been uncomfortably ogled by alpha’s who were most likely able to smell his scent and could see how he was visibly unmarked. Yuta’s doctor had been right that it wasn’t safe for him to be out by himself anymore. 

Yuta had gone home to shower instead, and discovered that he wasn’t only feverish, but tired as well, his legs even felt a bit shaky.

He curled up into bed with the intention to take a nap, and after some intense tossing and turning, he ended up falling asleep with his face against his pillow and his arms spread out. 

When he awoke from a dreamless sleep, he was sweating again. Yuta had been gripping the sheets and mattress as well, he moved around, trying to find his phone which was the reason he’d been woken up. 

Yuta whimpered in discomfort at how he had become so hot and sweaty, and his legs felt even more limp. It wasn’t fair, and he didn’t know why it was happening so soon. 

If ‘it,’ was what he thought it was. 

He finally found his phone on the floor, and grabbed it with haste. He answered without looking at the screen to read it. 

“Hello?” Yuta hadn’t had any water yet, and he could tell his voice came out hoarse. 

“Yuta. Are you okay?” The voice on the other end was deep and familiar, and it caused Yuta to become more awake. He could immediately picture the face of the person it belonged to. 

“Jaehyun.” Yuta answered, ignoring his question. 

Yuta stumbled out of bed with his wobbly legs and began to make his way towards the kitchen in search of water. 

“Yeah—I just woke up from a nap, that’s all.” Yuta rubbed his eye with his free hand, and took a deep breath, in an attempt to collect himself. 

“Are you sure that’s it? You sound a bit sick.” Jaehyun’s concern was obvious as ever in his voice, and it was sweet to hear how genuine the other man sounded even over the phone. 

Yuta paused, to sip his water. He became distracted with how the cold tiled floor felt good compared to his intense body heat. 

“I’m fine, just felt a bit feverish today, that’s all.” Yuta already regretted telling Jaehyun, but he wasn’t thinking straight since he had just woken up. He could feel the embarrassment making his cheeks burn as he realized what he’d just done. 

He should’ve thought about how his pre-med fiancé, who was in the middle of studying to be a doctor, would be quick to think something was wrong the minute Yuta told him he had symptoms of a fever. 

“Do you need me to come over?” Jaehyun asked, and suddenly Yuta felt it deep down, the flames of desire, threatening to start burning inside again. All because Jaehyun was asking to come over. 

Of _course_ he wanted him to come over. But he didn’t want to burden him. 

“Uh—I don’t want to interrupt you if you’re busy.” Yuta inhaled again, leaning against the counter. “So don’t worry about it.” 

“I’ll be there soon.” Jaehyun sounded rather gruff on the other end, and then he hung up. 

Yuta frowned, pulling his phone away from his ear. 

He went straight to his search engine on his phone, and began to look up the difference between pre-heat and heat symptoms. 

Then, he clicked on the first site and began to read the words that popped up, _Fever, Trouble breathing, Sexual appetite, Dehydration, Sweatiness._ Yuta decided he had read enough. He placed his phone back down, and sighed, holding his hand to his head. 

He was screwed. If he’d fallen into a pre-heat this early then he knew he was bound to have one in the next few days. He had forgotten how inconvenient it made everything. 

Yuta had no control over what his body had decided it was time for, but he had never had pre-heat symptoms this bad _before_ Jaehyun. Yuta had begun to blame his body and the younger man for making him become so attached to his alpha scent and presence that it was unbearable, nearly _painful_ to be without him. 

When he closed his eyes, he was met with the image of Jaehyun back in the guest house in Japan, when he’d come out of the shower to get clothes, and was shirtless with a towel on his hips and water dripping down onto his chest. Yuta sighed longingly at the memory, and then he opened his eyes again, snapping himself out of it. 

He even was daydreaming now. Yuta grew baffled at himself and his wandering mind. 

Yuta checked himself in his bathroom mirror, pulling his wet hair away from his skin and back into a small ponytail. Yuta brushed a finger over his cheeks, which were tinted in a slight pink hue. The back of his neck was hot, his knees still wobbled, Yuta wasn’t in any shape to see Jaehyun. 

Frustration crawled up inside his throat, as he wished he could have more control over his urges and fantasies. It wasn’t at _all_ fair that he should see Jaehyun like this, and Yuta was tempted to text him and tell him not to come at all—but he couldn’t do that. 

Yuta couldn’t do that when all he wanted to do was see Jaehyun again, and to understand him, to be with him. Yuta didn’t have the strength or the will to do so. 

He stretched his arms out, and laid back down onto his bed. An exasperated sigh escaped his lips as he tossed an arm over his face. Yuta continued to curse himself in his mind, because all he could do now was wait. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!! so.. thoughts? lol i hope this chapter was enjoyable. i’m glad with my plans for the next few and always excited to hear what you guys think. i really appreciate any thoughts. 
> 
> much love to you guys and stay safe during these times!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is a bit long and dramatic so buckle up :) 
> 
> i hope you guys enjoy and i appreciate all the love. it keeps me going i really do revisit the comments whenever i’m having a hard time writing! so thank you, a thousand times over. 
> 
> (also the first part of this chapter is borderline ALMOST smut beware to my readers who aren’t into that. i hope some of you are though bc its only gonna get raunchier from here lol.)

Yuta had grown far too agitated waiting to lay down. He had dragged his own blanket off his bed and to the living room, and laid there instead where he could see the front door easily and get up to answer faster. 

He sighed at the romantic comedy playing on tv. He was sure it was a repeat from a while ago, and the acting was rather corny. He found himself peeking every few minutes to look at the front door. The distraction wasn’t working. 

When a knock came finally, Yuta composed himself as much as he could, and went to answer. 

Jaehyun had a different look every time Yuta saw him, it seemed. He smiled at the sight of Yuta, who quickly shut the door behind him. Yuta noticed the paper bag of groceries he was carrying which he had neglected before due to being distracted by Jaehyun’s face. 

“Hi, I know it took a while, but I kept thinking about your empty fridge, so I wanted to stop by the supermarket quickly before I came over. Just to get some essentials for you.” Jaehyun rambled on, which was somewhat rare. 

Yuta sucked in a breath at the sight of him, the taller man was in his presence again yet this time he was dressed like a normal and casual college student, grey sweats, a white t-shirt, flip flops. 

“Hello to you too.” Yuta said, completely forgetting about his own disheveled and sweaty appearance. 

He smiled, as Jaehyun unloaded and put some fruits and vegetables into his fridge. Yuta walked over to help, and noticed Jaehyun’s eyes scanning him up and down. 

“No one’s ever bought me groceries before. Thank you.” Yuta said. He tucked his fallen hair back behind his hair again and leaned over the counter, watching Jaehyun. 

“Have you taken your temperature yet?” Jaehyun asked, too busy stocking up Yuta’s fridge to notice the way Yuta was looking at him. 

Yuta sighed, standing back up fully. “No. I was going to, but I forgot. I don’t think I’m sick. And you really didn’t have to do this. I’ll pay you back for the groceries.” 

“Don’t be silly. Where’s your thermometer? You have one, right? Shit, I should’ve got one.” 

Yuta almost laughed when he heard the other man curse, as it was a rarity. Yuta figured he didn’t curse much around Yuta since Yuta was older than him, but clearly he had become comfortable. 

“It’s in the medicine drawer, but like I said, I don’t need it.” 

“Being in denial about it isn’t going to help anything, hyung.” Jaehyun said. 

Jaehyun used their closeness to bring his hand to touch Yuta’s forehead, and Yuta hadn’t prepared himself for the direct touch. He gasped softly at the contrast of the cold man’s hands on his burning skin. It felt too good. 

“Which drawer is it?” Jaehyun asked, in that deep and serious tone that made Yuta feel like he had no choice but to answer. 

“The second one on the left.” Yuta said instantly, despite his reluctance before. 

Jaehyun immediately moved to the drawer, rummaging around with his hand until he found the thermometer. He pulled Yuta closer by his arm when Yuta didn’t move forward. 

“Will you let me take your temperature or would you prefer to do it yourself?” Jaehyun said, when Yuta didn’t lift his head up to look at him. 

Yuta couldn’t hold his gaze, not when the taller man looked so attractive when he was concentrated. It brought out his features so well, Yuta thought, his jawline became even more prominent and the focused look in his eyes just made him seem so intimidating. 

“Hyung?” Jaehyun asked, and Yuta turned his face away when Jaehyun came closer. Yuta flicked his tongue out to wet his lips, which had suddenly become dry. 

Jaehyun used two fingers to tilt Yuta’s chin up, so that he couldn’t turn away from him. Yuta’s knees wobbled again, and he hoped that the younger man didn’t pick up on it. 

“You can take it.” Yuta exhaled. He wanted it to be over already so he wasn’t so damn focused on every little detail about Jaehyun. From the slight stubble that was growing on his face due to having no time to shave, to the way his lips curved as he pressed closer to Yuta and inserted the thermometer against his lips. 

“Lift up your tongue.” Jaehyun ordered, and Yuta rolled his eyes. He wasn’t a very warm caretaker at all, let alone future _doctor._

Yuta obeyed regardless. He grew distracted by the proximity of Jaehyun’s hips against his own. Which was good, since Yuta hated having his temperature taken and was usually counting the seconds until it was over. 

Jaehyun looked puzzled by the results, and Yuta grabbed it from his hand. 

“Ah, I don’t have a high one.” 

“It doesn’t make sense, why would you be burning up with a fever this low?” 

“You’re the medical student. You tell me.” Yuta grinned, moving away from the counter. He grabbed his water glass again, and then made his way back over to his spot in the living room, where he had been laying on the cold floor with the blanket as a cushion, when Jaehyun had arrived. 

Jaehyun stood frozen in the kitchen, and watched Yuta. He was clearly still trying to wrack his brain and figure something out. 

“Come here.” Yuta called, and motioned him over with one finger. 

“Why are you laying on a blanket on the floor?” Jaehyun questioned, and settled down next to Yuta. 

“It’s more comfortable to me than my bed right now.” 

The look of concern flashed across Jaehyun’s face again, and Yuta shook his head. 

“I’m not really sick, Jae.” He sighed, knowing that he’d have to explain it eventually anyways. 

“It’s...probably because I stopped taking my supplements.” Yuta grew annoyed with himself at how embarrassed he was, if he couldn’t talk about this in front of Jaehyun, how would it be between them when an _actual_ heat came for Yuta? 

“That explains..” Jaehyun trailed off, biting back a smile as he did. 

“Explains _what?”_ Yuta used one of the cushions he’d brought onto the floor to prop himself up. 

“I don’t want to sound rude.” 

“We’re engaged. You have to tell me.” 

“Now you’re just using my excuse.” Jaehyun smirked. 

Yuta moved closer to the taller man, and trailed two of his fingers up Jaehyun’s arm, slowly. He grinned when Jaehyun let out a small laugh. 

“It’s just, you smell really aroused. Your scent is super strong.” Jaehyun scratched the back of his neck, and then looked away, trying to hide more of his obvious laughter. 

Yuta pushed at his shoulder, the heat on his face seemed even worse now, and he was positive now that he was blushing like crazy. 

“I wasn’t going to bring it up, but I noticed how it changed when I walked in.. I just thought maybe.. it was just you reacting to me.” Jaehyun spoke slowly. 

“Oh, you narcissist!” Yuta grabbed one of the cushions off the couch and tossed it at him, trying not to smile or laugh because he had _every_ right to be angry at what Jaehyun had just admitted to thinking. 

“You thought I got turned on just from you showing up?” Yuta glared as menacingly as possible at the other man. 

“Hey. I haven’t forgotten how you looked at me when I came out of the shower with only a towel.” Jaehyun showed a dimpled smile, and Yuta scoffed. 

“Don’t remind me.” Yuta said, trying to hide his face since he was blushing. It was almost like Jaehyun could read his mind, especially since Yuta had been reminiscing about that exact memory before he had arrived. 

”I love how obvious you are.” Jaehyun hummed. 

“You are _evil_. I’ve said it before, but you are.” Yuta responded, covering his lap with a pillow and turning away from the other man. 

“I know I am.” He grinned, and brought his hand to pat Yuta’s knee. Yuta spotted the new watch on his wrist. It looked expensive. 

Yuta didn’t say another word, and was now determined to ignore Jaehyun. He would’ve told him to leave if it wasn’t for his damn scent making the ache in Yuta’s body feel bearable for some reason. 

“I was just teasing you.” Jaehyun said, his hand moving higher up to caress Yuta’s thigh. Yuta moved his leg up in the hope that he’d move it off. 

It seemed that teasing was a part of having a fiancé who was two years younger, Yuta figured, he’d have to deal with jokes like these. He pursed his lips to avoid smiling at the thought, because deep down, Yuta appreciated how Jaehyun didn’t take everything so seriously all the time and was able to joke with Yuta. 

Yuta was brought out of his thoughts by Jaehyun bringing his face to the side of Yuta’s. He brushed his lips against Yuta’s cheek, and then pressed a gentle kiss there.

He felt his stomach do a flip, and Yuta cursed his body for making him sensitive to quite literally everything at the moment. 

“I’m sorry if I was too mean about it. Can I help you with anything? Have you eaten?” Jaehyun asked, and the hand he had thrown over the two cushions propped up behind them was now at Yuta’s shoulder, resting there softly. 

“I ate earlier, after I got home from the gym.” Yuta answered softly, his voice quiet. He was still avoiding eye contact. 

“Oh, how was the gym?” Jaehyun asked, and this question gave Yuta an idea. 

Yuta had always been curious about the other man’s jealous side, ever since he had seen it slip at that dinner forever ago. Back when Yuta had flirted with Changmin, which seemed like a lifetime ago, and Jaehyun had been practically seething with jealousy. 

“It was alright. I don’t think I should keep going though. I might need to work out at home for a bit until my scent is back to normal.” He sighed, turning around and sitting up onto his knees, facing Jaehyun now. 

“Why’s that?” Jaehyun tilted his head. 

“Well, there were lots of _big_ alpha men there, with muscles.. and abs….” Yuta trailed off, watching how Jaehyun’s face fell, “I mean, it’s the gym so, of course.” 

“Did they stare at you?” Jaehyun questioned him and Yuta’s heart quickened at how the mere thought of it seemed to insight some sort of intensity in Jaehyun. 

“Of course, it’s what most people do. I’m unmarked.” Yuta answered simply.

“It’s not just because you aren’t _marked,_ Yuta. You’re—not exactly unnoticeable.” Jaehyun had a stiff jaw as he spoke, and he didn’t look at Yuta. 

“It’s not like I flirted with them, or something. But I can’t help it if they stare at me.” Yuta spluttered, baffled at how Jaehyun seemed to be acting as if it was his fault. 

“Well, were any of them your type?” Jaehyun asked flatly, trying to show no emotion in his face. 

“Please. I _have_ a type. It’s men like you, who look all nice on the outside, but then..” Yuta trailed his hand up, feeling Jaehyun’s hard muscular torso under his shirt, “get all playful and rough with me.” Yuta finished the rest of his sentence as a whisper, and moved close so that his lips were against Jaehyun’s ear. 

“I guess some of the guys there could’ve given you a run for your money.” Yuta added when Jaehyun didn’t speak. He could practically smell the anger on Jaehyun. 

“Yuta.” Jaehyun warned, and Yuta wondered if he knew that he was only playing around. It wasn’t very smart to challenge someone of his status like that, but Yuta didn’t care. 

“What? I was just _joking.”_ Yuta smiled. He trailed Jaehyun’s chest with his hand, and a rush of tension crept up his neck. 

Jaehyun tugged Yuta closer by the arm that had found its way to his chest, pulling the smaller man’s body to his. As Yuta inhaled, their lips met, and Jaehyun tasted him right away, wasting no time in opening his mouth against Yuta’s. There was something about the way they were kissing that felt as if they were both starved, and searching for something more. 

Yuta moved himself so that he was properly seated in Jaehyun’s lap, cheering internally. There was a newfound confidence deep in him as he connected their lips in an even rougher kiss, and it was further ignited by the way that Jaehyun’s hands roamed up and down his body. 

“You shouldn’t joke like that,” Jaehyun paused the wet kiss, and gripped his hand against Yuta’s waist. 

Jaehyun surprised Yuta enough that a soft yelp came out of his throat, as the larger man rolled them over gently so that Yuta was underneath him with his back on the blanket. 

Yuta’s hand was still placed against Jaehyun’s chest, and he began to trail it lower, with his other free hand at the nape of Jaehyun’s neck. The other man started to place kisses on Yuta’s jaw, while it felt good, like the other times he had done it, Yuta wanted _more_ now. 

A pleased sound came from Jaehyun’s lips when Yuta’s hand found its way to the taller man’s lower abdomen, and his fingertips dipped past the waistband of his sweatpants. Yuta couldn’t help the smile that came when he was met with the scent of obvious arousal in the air. 

Jaehyun’s teeth lightly bit into his neck, and Yuta whined as it distracted him from what he had been trying to get at, which Jaehyun clearly knew he was doing. 

He was hot all over, and feverish, but the natural proposition in front of him was so tempting that Yuta was no longer thinking about consequences. Yuta felt an eerie chill run down his back as he arched away from the cold floor, when Jaehyun rolled his hips down against Yuta’s. 

“Please,” Yuta whispered against Jaehyun’s ear, sensually biting at the flesh of his earlobe, “don’t stop.” 

Jaehyun met Yuta’s lips again, and Yuta went back to trying to get his hand past the waistband of Jaehyun’s pants. He giggled lightly when Jaehyun shuddered and then trapped his hand back against the blanket, successfully preventing Yuta from doing so. 

“Why not?” Yuta pouted, observing how Jaehyun’s pupils were dilated and his chest was heaving. Yuta had also brought his hands to ruin Jaehyun’s styled hair, and Yuta thought he’d never seen someone so handsome. He was still shocked that he got to see him like this, all flustered and driving himself mad trying to touch and claim Yuta all over. It didn’t feel real. 

“You’re—we shouldn’t not when you..” Jaehyun couldn’t finish his sentence, his voice became inaudible. 

“When I’m what?” Yuta smirked. 

“Not yourself.” Jaehyun murmured against Yuta’s neck. 

“I _am_ myself. I want you this much normally, it’s just magnified by other things right now, a little bit.” Yuta sensed Jaehyun pulling away, and he rolled them back over so that he was in Jaehyun’s lap again and his back was against the cushion. 

Yuta couldn’t help the way his breath quivered when he felt how Jaehyun had already become half-hard underneath him. 

“I should’ve left earlier,” Jaehyun groaned, and his hands returned to Yuta’s torso. 

“No, you should stay.” Yuta said, and grabbed one of Jaehyun’s hands, leading it to his lower back. 

Jaehyun’s face showed that he was marveled by the new and unusual burst of confidence that seemed to come with Yuta’s symptoms. 

Yuta whined low when Jaehyun tugged at his hair, removing his ponytail and freeing his hair so that it swung down into his face. Jaehyun gently pulled him down with his hand laced into his hair, not hard enough that it hurt, but just enough to control him. 

Jaehyun’s eagerness in the kiss told Yuta he wanted to keep deepening things as well. Yuta took it as an invitation to grind his hips forward. He steadied himself with a hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder. 

He broke away from the kiss and trailed his lips down Jaehyun’s neck, Yuta rubbed his nose against his warm skin. He inhaled Jaehyun’s scent once more, then licked a stripe against his throat. He heard a pleased rumble come from Jaehyun. 

“Touch me, please.” Yuta mumbled, and he hoped Jaehyun understood what he meant. 

“All those alpha’s staring at you in the gym, yet here you are. Begging for it in my lap.” Jaehyun mumbled slowly, taking a hold of Yuta’s jaw with his large palm and inserting his thumb into Yuta’s parted and inviting lips. 

Yuta sucked against the thumb with the pad of his tongue, eager to accept _anything_ that Jaehyun wanted to put in his mouth. He felt a slight chill run down his spine at the way that Jaehyun stared at him as he removed his thumb slowly, only to insert two of his fingers into his mouth. Yuta maintained eye contact as he did. 

“Quit playing innocent.” Jaehyun growled, and Yuta hummed around his fingers. Yuta tried to take them as deep as possible, then he overplayed gagging on them, just to see if Jaehyun would react. He only watched Yuta coughing and spluttering with a look of amusement on his face. Jaehyun removed them from Yuta’s mouth slowly. 

“You’re so pretty like that. So responsive, and so eager for anything I give to you.” 

“Beautiful.” Jaehyun added, and brought one of his hands to trace along Yuta’s bare collarbone. Jaehyun grabbed the strap of Yuta’s tank top, pulling it off his shoulder. He gasped when Jaehyun began to place kisses to the now bare skin. 

Yuta gripped the back of Jaehyun’s neck when an unexpected moan fell from his lips as the other man suddenly bunched up the fabric of his tank top and left him feeling more exposed than ever before. 

“Jaehyun!” Yuta exclaimed, and then his back arched completely as Jaehyun brought his thumb that had been inside Yuta’s mouth to his nipple. “Ah—ah!” Yuta cried out, digging his nails into Jaehyun’s neck. 

“I can’t even imagine what you’re like in a full heat if you are like this now.” Jaehyun murmured against Yuta’s skin, and Yuta could feel his smile. He hated how smug Jaehyun was, but at the same time it was so _hot_. 

Yuta’s humiliation continued when Jaehyun used one hand to keep the fabric of his shirt pulled up, and the other to prevent Yuta from squirming as he dipped his head down, and placed a soft kiss against the sensitive skin of Yuta’s nipple. Jaehyun then licked and nibbled lightly with his teeth, and Yuta was practically gone. He jerked helplessly as Jaehyun flicked his tongue once more. 

He was covered in sweat and digging his nails into Jaehyun’s hair now, his weak body practically shaking with how bad he wanted it. Yuta tried to fight against the urge to present his neck. 

When Jaehyun finally pulled away, he flicked at Yuta’s untouched nipple with his thumb just to get another gasp out from Yuta.

Jaehyun helped to pull Yuta’s shirt back down, and brushed at some of the sweaty hair clinging to his face. He brought his lips to Yuta’s temple, softly. 

“Why are you holding back on me now? Don’t you want to prove yourself?” Yuta teased again when it got quiet, doing so despite his own messy and almost wrecked appearance. 

“You’d like that, huh? If I lost control..” Jaehyun muttered in a low whisper against Yuta’s skin, “and took you right here on your living room floor. On your back, with your legs around my waist just like this.” He rubbed his hand across Yuta’s thigh just to prove a point. 

Yuta felt his arousal grow at the suggestion, and while he had never been one for dirty talk, it was the way Jaehyun said it, with the dark look in his eyes and his parted lips. 

“Answer me.” Jaehyun dragged his nose against Yuta’s scent gland with intent, in what couldn’t be seen as anything else but possessive nature. 

“I would.” Yuta whispered, closing his eyes and baring his neck back. 

“You would.” Jaehyun repeated. He growled low, gripping Yuta tighter in his lap.

“You’d let me take you right here?” 

Yuta nodded, a shaky exhale coming from his lips which was then followed by a rather loud and explicit moan as Jaehyun rolled his hips up to meet where Yuta was positioned with his legs spread apart on his lap. The sheer friction between them had become unbearable. 

“I’d let you fuck me anywhere.” Yuta whispered against Jaehyun’s ear. 

Yuta’s vision blurred at the ideas in his mind, and it took him a second to come back down from the intense high of such pleasure. His scent had become so strong that he could even smell himself now, and he was positive it was unbearable for the young alpha. 

He rested his head against Jaehyun’s shoulder, leaning at an awkward angle to do so. 

“Baby,” Jaehyun said softly, his tone had returned to normal again. He brushed all of Yuta’s fallen hair to his neck again, “let’s get you into the shower. You should rest.” 

“No, no,” Yuta protested after he realized how weary he had grown, sitting up and shaking his head, “I’m fine. I want to keep going.” 

“Soon. But not now, you’re burning up and shivering.” 

Yuta grew embarrassed as he noticed he was shivering on top of the larger man. The side effects of quitting suppressants were turning out to be much worse than he had prepared for. 

Jaehyun rubbed circles against his back, until his unease passed and Yuta stopped shaking. 

“I don’t want you to leave.” Yuta pleaded again, weakly pulling at Jaehyun’s shirt. 

Yuta had no idea what had come over him, but he partially blamed it on the symptoms of all the hormones and high emotions that were trapped between them. Jaehyun was pulling away and Yuta couldn’t help but feel like it was a rejection. 

He whined when Jaehyun tried to get him to stand up, unable to hide it. Yuta’s legs were shaky and barely held him up. Jaehyun was able to move him off, and Yuta watched as the younger stood up. Jaehyun ran a hand through his own hair, and sighed. 

Yuta moved forward, grabbing at Jaehyun’s leg. _Oh god, what am I doing,_ he thought. Yuta had never done anything like that before, and it was obvious that he wasn’t himself. 

“Please.” He tried one last time, before Jaehyun grabbed his arm, and pulled him up. Jaehyun held him tightly by his lower back, supporting Yuta against his own body. 

“I can’t leave you like this.” Jaehyun grumbled. 

“Oh.” He answered quietly, turning his face away. Jaehyun’s words sounded almost resentful towards Yuta’s condition. 

“No, it’s not your fault. Nor is it bad.. it’s just hard to resist you. I’ve never been around someone so tempting.” Jaehyun offered reassurance, and Yuta tried to focus on how genuine he sounded. 

Jaehyun didn’t say another word, just helped Yuta toward his room. Before they could make it there, however, they ended up against the wall again, Jaehyun with his hands splayed on Yuta’s lower back and Yuta with his arms thrown around Jaehyun’s shoulders. 

They kissed in a way that showed only the amount of desperation and eagerness in it. Yuta let out a pleased moan when Jaehyun’s hands moved to grab his ass. 

It was extremely exhilarating, all of it, and the best part was how Jaehyun couldn’t resist Yuta like this, and how Yuta knew it. 

“God, I have no control when it comes to you.” Jaehyun muttered and pulled away again, and Yuta nudged at the side of his face with his nose, mouth still open and wanting. 

“Kiss me again.” Yuta begged, arched off the wall by his back. 

“Come on.” Jaehyun grabbed Yuta again, still manhandling him. He brought Yuta back into the bedroom. 

Yuta fought his grasp, then fell down onto the bed. He smiled, and watched how the younger man gazed over him. 

“Aren’t you gonna join me?” Yuta rolled onto his stomach, bringing his finger to his lips. 

“You really love to test my patience, don’t you.” 

Yuta nodded, and Jaehyun sighed. He pulled Yuta up off the bed again, and pushed him gently into the bathroom. 

“I promise you’ll feel better after.” Jaehyun smiled softly, lips against Yuta’s ear, “want me to undress you?” He pushed his hand up under Yuta’s shirt, and Yuta lolled his head back against his shoulder. With one quick glance down, he could see Jaehyun’s hand splayed across his stomach, and he grew embarrassed 

“I can do it myself.” Yuta blushed at the idea of Jaehyun seeing his naked body, even after what had just happened. He turned, and shoved the younger man out the door. 

  
  


-

  
  


After the shower, he was mortified, but it had helped him come back to his senses. Even though Yuta still felt like he’d much prefer to be giving into his natural instincts, he figured there would be different levels to his pre-heat, if he remembered properly, it wasn’t all sexual appetite and fever. 

Jaehyun was obviously keeping his distance from him, but that didn’t prevent Yuta from desiring him. They were sitting on the bed, which probably wasn’t a good idea, but Yuta had asked Jaehyun to sleep there again. 

The younger man had gotten them both tea, Yuta had requested a certain kind of peppermint tea he kept in his cabinet that was a natural heat stabilizer. It wasn’t exactly a drug, but Yuta also knew it would help him get through the next few days which were basically just preparing him for his actual heat. He had bought it for that reason alone. 

Yuta had no choice but to try and control his emotions and hormones around Jaehyun. 

“Do you feel less feverish?” Jaehyun asked, and Yuta watched as he almost lifted a hand to feel but then his hand faltered. 

“Yes.” Yuta replied in a small voice. 

The silence was a bit awkward, and Yuta, with his mind cleared, began to remember their last encounter. He felt like he had some questions worth asking.

Before he could, however, Jaehyun moved closer on the bed, and Yuta’s heartbeat picked up. 

“How has your school application process been going?” Jaehyun asked abruptly, and Yuta realized they hadn’t really had an actual conversation since earlier. He tried not to blush. 

“It’s fine, I haven’t had any rejects so far.” 

“No, of course not. They’d be fools to turn you down.” 

Yuta yawned, and shook his head. “Shush.” 

“My mother still isn’t pleased that I decided to go to art school. I’ll be the first one in the family to do so.” 

“She doesn’t have to approve of it. You are your own person, and you’ve proved that in every way.” Jaehyun said, and Yuta was always shocked by his ability to be so chivalrous with words at the most unexpected times. 

“And how’s your school work load? Still terrible?” Yuta prompted an answer from him. 

“It’s hard to manage everything.” Jaehyun’s voice dipped lower, and he fell against the pillow. 

Yuta wanted to ask what he meant by that, but the words got stuck in his throat. 

Instead, he tucked himself under the covers, and silently asked Jaehyun to do the same. 

“Don’t keep a distance from me. Please.” Yuta has his back turned to the other man, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was miles away from him. They used to lay so close together but Yuta’s symptoms had changed that. 

“I won’t.” 

Jaehyun listened to him, and moved closer. Just enough that he was almost spooning Yuta. He decided that it would have to do for now. Jaehyun’s arm barely touched his waist, his head was a further distance away from his neck than usual, yet having him close was enough to bring Yuta satisfaction. 

He was tempted to ask the words ‘ _is there anything you want to tell me?’_ after their encounter from the day before was still playing in his mind, but he couldn’t bring himself to burst the bubble of comfort between them now. 

Jaehyun seemed unable to keep his hands to himself, and he lifted one hand to pat at Yuta’s hair. Yuta fought back a smile. 

“When we move in together, I can take care of you like this more.” 

“You’re thinking about living together now?” Yuta turned his head to ask. 

“We can’t exactly expect our parents to let us live in separate houses when we are married. You know how they are with tradition.” 

“I know. I just didn’t think it would be so soon I guess.” Yuta muttered. 

“I want us to be able to set our own pace. Which is why we shouldn’t…” Jaehyun cleared his throat, “rush into things.” 

“You can be the first guy I take things slowly with.” Yuta grinned, and then his mouth turned into more of a smirk, “but I can only wait so long.” 

“Let me take you on a date first, at least. You deserve that much.” Jaehyun smiled, and they naturally gravitated closer. 

Yuta appreciated how slowly Jaehyun’s lips met his own. The kiss was soft, and slow, and it was exactly what he needed. 

He kept the taller man close by the nape of his neck, and laughed softly into the kiss as Jaehyun’s tight grip on his hip sharpened. 

They pulled away slowly, and Yuta hated having to stop. Regardless, he still found some satisfaction in having Jaehyun’s arms around him. He knew that much.   
  
  


-

  
  
  


The week had become more chaotic as it continued on. After deciding on an interior designer for the wedding and the floral arrangements, Yuta was now at the suit shop with Taeyong. 

Yuta and Taeyong were in the open fitting room, as Yuta stood in front of the large mirrors, trying to see if the suit was fitted well or not. 

It had black lapels, and it was a more traditional yet still expensive suit. Yuta had already called it ‘boring.’

“Stop.” Yuta laughed, and brushed Taeyong’s arm off where he was trying to measure his waist. 

“I’d like to measure your waist, actually, because this is crazy.” Taeyong chuckled, and brought the tape measurer back to Yuta’s waist. 

“Yeah. The suit would need to be brought in around your waist, unless you want to wear it unfitted.” Taeyong said, removing it again. 

Yuta trailed his own hand over his waist, he had never really thought about how it was true that his was smaller than the average man. 

“I don’t think I like this one anyways. The shoulders are boxy.” 

“Isn’t that a good thing?” 

“No. It looks tacky.” 

Taeyong just laughed, and then paused. 

“When was your fiancé meant to get here?” He asked. Yuta figured it was uncomfortable for Taeyong to have to ask these sorts of things, especially since most of the couples he dealt with probably _weren’t_ like this. 

“Uh, I texted him like 20 minutes ago I think.” Yuta answered, stepping down from the small podium in front of the mirror. 

He had neatly pulled his hair back into a low bun, in order to keep it away from his face. Yuta had done some makeup too, just light brown eyeshadow and a bit of eyeliner, in order to complete his look. 

“Does he really hate wedding planning that much? I think this is the first time I’ve ever had a couple where I still haven’t met the other half.” Taeyong spoke, with a little too much honesty. 

“I wouldn’t know. We haven’t really talked about it either.” 

“Wow. It must be.. hard.” 

“What makes you say that?” Yuta asked, genuinely curious. 

“It’s just.. wedding planning is a lot, that’s all. You’re pretty awesome for taking care of it.” Taeyong gave Yuta a gentle smile. 

“I have your help.” Yuta admitted, a smile tugging at the corner of his lip. 

There was the sound of moving fabric, as someone moved the curtain separating them from the main room and entered. 

It was Jaehyun. He entered the room smoothly, interrupting the moment they were having. Taeyong moved away from where he had been standing awfully close to Yuta. 

“Sorry, this room is—“ Taeyong started, but was cut off. 

“Jaehyun, you came.” Yuta exhaled, surprise evident in his voice. 

“Of course I did.” Jaehyun answered, the venom apparent in his voice. 

Jaehyun’s eyes moved in between them, seeing how Taeyong looked at Yuta for help, and Yuta tried to communicate something back as well. 

Taeyong cleared his throat, his arms falling down at his sides.

“So,” he paused, looking at Yuta once more before turning to Jaehyun, “you’re the fiancé.” 

“I am.” 

Taeyong made the first move forward, extending his arm out of Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun just nodded, shaking his hand with his lips pursed slightly, and his stare blank. 

“I’m Lee Taeyong, the event planner for your wedding.” Taeyong spoke in a deep, cool voice. Yuta hadn’t heard him use it before. 

“I know. I was told you were hired, but I didn’t think you’d be so young.” Jaehyun looked him up and down once more, no politeness in his gaze. 

“I’ve graduated college already, I can assure you I’m experienced.” Taeyong replied, offering the other man a forced grin. 

Yuta was a bit shocked when Jaehyun walked over to his side, hitching his arm to Yuta’s waist, and then pulled him close for a kiss on the cheek. Taeyong looked away. 

“You didn’t call today. I would’ve hurried if I’d known you’d be here early.” Jaehyun’s breath tickled against Yuta’s ear. 

“It’s fine.” Yuta replied stiffly, trying to wiggle from Jaehyun’s grasp. He wasn’t in the mood to be touched like that today. 

Jaehyun was an easily suspicious man. Yuta figured he had seen how the two of them had been interacting earlier. But they were _friends,_ there was nothing malicious or wrong about their interactions. Yuta grew irritated that his fiancé was clearly making assumptions because Taeyong was a young and successful alpha, not some older and more experienced event planner like he’d been expecting. 

“I think I’d like to see one of the catalogues they have here. But I couldn’t find any up front. Do you know where they are, perhaps?” Jaehyun spoke to Taeyong again, as if he was acknowledging his existence. 

“I can go ask the receptionist for one, if you didn’t try that.” 

“I didn’t.” Jaehyun said, voice 

Taeyong was gone then, out of the room to look for a _catalogue._ Yuta wanted to scoff at that, he had never heard Jaehyun request something like that in all the years he’d known him. 

Yuta turned to Jaehyun, refraining from acting angry at his cold behavior towards someone that he had hired himself. Jaehyun had a tendency to slip up like that, and Yuta had called him out on it before. He was only starting to wonder if pushing him away every time that he started to behave some way that Yuta disliked, was even worth it. 

“You didn’t say goodbye when you left yesterday morning. That’s the second time you’ve done that.” Yuta said, met with the sudden urge to get it off his chest. He had a vaguely sour expression on his face, and he hoped Jaehyun picked up on it. 

“I didn’t want to wake you, you were asleep. You needed it.” Jaehyun said.

“Mhm.” Yuta nodded, looking away. 

“Are you going to wear your hair up like that for the ceremony?” Jaehyun changed the subject, his fingers finding the back of Yuta’s neck. 

“Maybe. If I don’t cut it by then.” Yuta just shrugged, patting his cold fingers away with his own. 

“It’ll look beautiful no matter what.” Jaehyun spoke gently, despite Yuta’s ice cold behavior. Yuta didn’t understand it. 

Yuta refrained from snapping anymore, even though there was plenty more he could say, for example, asking him why he had been so rude to someone he’d just met. Instead, Yuta held his tongue. 

“What will you be up to later?” Jaehyun continued to act like Yuta didn’t obviously have an attitude change. 

“I’m going out to eat with Doyoung, and then he’s throwing a small party at his house and I’ll probably be there.” Yuta stood in front of the large mirrors, unbuttoning the suit jacket since it wasn’t fitted. 

“Oh, no more wedding preparations today?”

“No, we’re getting ahead actually. I saw Taeyong a lot this week.” Yuta said, turning around to look at Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun nodded, and Yuta couldn’t read the expression on his face. 

“My mother suggested we come over for dinner.” Jaehyun muttered. 

“I can’t.” Yuta frowned at Jaehyun. He didn’t understand why he would bring it up out of nowhere. 

“Why not?” Jaehyun furrowed his eyebrows, confused. 

“I just told you I already have plans with Doyoung.” Yuta knew well how prissy it sounded, but he couldn’t help it.

Yuta grew even more irritated by Jaehyun’s silence that followed. 

“Look, you should’ve told me earlier. I wouldn’t have made plans if you had.” Yuta said, rubbing at his temple for a minute. 

“I know. I don’t want to go to dinner without you though. My parents are being insufferable.” Jaehyun sighed deeply. 

“You can come to me then. I’ll text you Doyoung’s address, and you can come if you’d like. You’re an adult, you can make your own choices.” Yuta said, walking over to hang the suit jacket back up. 

“As long as I get to see you.” Jaehyun mumbled, and tried to get his hands on Yuta’s accentuated waist again. Yuta allowed it this time, and his fiancé leaned down to press a kiss right below his ear. 

Yuta squirmed out of the touch entirely when Taeyong walked back in the room. He didn’t think he’d be able to handle the raw embarrassment of their wedding planner almost catching them messing around. 

Jaehyun’s smile fell when he entered, and he turned back into the formal and distant man from before. Yuta looked between them, and tried to place what could possibly be the reason for Jaehyun’s disdain toward the other man, who he was a complete stranger to. 

Yuta realized this wasn’t going to be enjoyable for _any_ of them. 

  
  


-

  
  


Doyoung’s rather ‘cozy,’ small apartment had been turned into the hot spot of the night, it seemed. Yuta couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen this many people in a house party, perhaps not since high school. 

Jaehyun had shown up at Doyoung’s apartment earlier, just as promised, but he lacked energy. Yuta had started to feel guilty about him coming, even though it had been his idea, he couldn’t help but feel like Jaehyun was only doing it to please him. 

Plus, dealing with the consequences of ignoring his future mother in law in order to go to a friends house party didn’t seem too promising to Yuta. 

Doyoung had invited a couple friends over. Eventually Taeil, his roommate whom Yuta was somewhat friends with too, had invited some people he knew over as well. 

Yuta wasn’t acquainted with most of the friends they’d invited over, but he knew a few people. He also wasn’t in the most fun mood given the rather rough day he’d had with the suit fitting and his distant and sad emotions. Yuta remembered that before his heats he tended to have mood swings like such, so he didn’t think much of it. 

He watched as Doyoung dug in his cabinet for another wine bottle, as the guests had already been through at least two. 

“Are these friends from college?” Yuta asked, now that it was just the two of them in the kitchen after some girl had come in searching for water. 

“Yeah, my friends from my grade, and then obviously anyone you see who’s older is one of Taeil’s friends.” Doyoung snorted. 

“Why do you guys still room together even after Taeil has graduated?” Yuta asked. 

“Because, neither of us have.. anyone else to live with I guess. We can’t afford to live alone.” Doyoung stiffened. 

Yuta bit the inside of his cheek, feeling guilty that he had asked such a question. 

“It’s why I spend so much time at your place honestly. It’s nice.” 

“You can have it when I move out.” Yuta shrugged, showing a playful grin. 

“Oh yeah, I’m sure I could afford the rent there.” Doyoung replied with sarcasm in his tone. 

Doyoung grabbed a wine glass, setting it down and filling it up. “So then, you do plan on moving out of your place eventually?” 

“I already know I can’t stay there forever. I think my parents want Jae and I to buy a house.” 

Doyoung giggled, and Yuta glanced up in confusion. 

“What?” 

“It’s nothing—just, your nickname for him.” Doyoung laughed, and Yuta knew it was his way of pointing out how out of character it was of Yuta to call his significant other by a name like that. He hadn’t been like that with any of his exes. Yuta himself blamed it on the fact that Jaehyun was younger than him. 

Yuta shoved at his best friend’s shoulder, a glare showing up on his face. 

“Do you have him saved like that on your phone too?” Doyoung teased further, and took his chance to grab Yuta’s phone where it was next to his arm on the counter. 

“Give it back! Kim Doyoung!” 

Yuta grabbed at him, trying to wrestle it from his hands. Doyoung squirmed, and lifted his arms where Yuta couldn’t reach.

Doyoung had already unlocked his phone, knowing well that Yuta kept it very obvious so that he could remember his passcode, it was his birthday. 

“You don’t even have your event planner saved professionally. You have him by his _name.”_ Doyoung teased, as he scrolled in Yuta’s call list. 

“I said give it back!” Yuta complained again, and continued to try to wrestle it from the other man’s grasp. 

“Wow. Jaehyun’s profile pic is nice on here. I’ve never seen him take a selfie like that before.. must just be for you!” Doyoung said in a rather sing-song voice. Yuta felt his cheeks burn. 

He’d asked Jaehyun to give him a selfie for his profile picture before they had parted when they came back to Seoul, and of course the other man had simply snapped a selfie on the plane, and then handed the phone back to Yuta. 

“Oops. I think I just called him on accident.” Doyoung chuckled, and Yuta jumped again trying to grab the phone. 

Jaehyun entered the kitchen from the living room, and sure enough his phone was ringing, he pulled it out in confusion and then glanced at the sight of Doyoung and Yuta. 

“What’s happening here?” Jaehyun asked, smiling slightly. 

Yuta had barely seen him all evening, not because he was avoiding him, but unlike the young alpha, Yuta enjoyed this kind of stuff. He liked being around friends and being able to socialize with new people. 

Jaehyun, however, got along best with people he knew well. He had tried to stick by Yuta’s side like glue but Yuta had moved around too much and eventually Jaehyun had gotten tired of following him everytime he went to a new room. 

“We’re just playing around.” Doyoung answered for both of them, glancing at the look on Yuta’s face. He hadn’t even realized he’d started zoning out as soon as Jaehyun had entered the room. 

Yuta watched as Jaehyun crumpled the beer can he’d been holding and tossed it into the trash. He had rolled up the sleeves of his black dress shirt, and even though he had little to no effort in his appearance. 

“I’ll leave you to it, then.” Jaehyun chuckled and left the room again. 

Once he was out of earshot, Doyoung scoffed. 

“People wouldn’t believe you were engaged if they saw that interaction. I mean—there is tension, but, come on, what’s up with the two of you? I expected love birds.” 

“Jaehyun just isn’t big on pda. He’s way different behind closed doors.” It was only half a lie, because Yuta was avoiding the fact that they _were_ having problems, bigger than the fact that Jaehyun didn’t like to be touchy in public, unless it was on his own terms. 

“Also. You two aren’t that close.” Yuta added, realizing it was true. Jaehyun and Doyoung had been in the same grade at school, yet Doyoung had been there on a scholarship, whereas Jaehyun’s parents had paid for it all. 

“I have hardly been in the same room as him since high school. He’s too good for this crowd now.” Doyoung snorted, and Yuta tried not to take it personally. But like most things, he did. 

He didn’t exactly enjoy the idea of marrying someone who wouldn’t be down for small get togethers like this. Yuta enjoyed this kind of thing, and preferred it over any stuffy dinner party his family or Jaehyun’s could throw. 

Yuta waited for Doyoung to fill up his wine glass, and then they both headed back out to the living room where the majority of dancing and talking was happening.

Loud dance music had been playing for a while now, and Yuta noticed Taeil and one of his friends were dancing rather closely. 

“Who’s that? He seems a lot older.” Yuta whispered to Doyoung, not so discreetly. 

“He’s not _that_ much older. He’s some professor Taeil got close with when he was at school. I think his name is Yunho, or something.” 

“A professor? He got close with a professor—“ Yuta grew excited at this information, he hadn’t had any new gossip in weeks since Doyoung refused to reveal stuff like that. 

“Don’t go around judging.” 

“I’m not judging. Just.. that’s funny. I wouldn’t expect it from him.” Yuta justified himself. 

“Why would it be funny?” Doyoung asked, sounding a bit offended which surprised Yuta. He would’ve expected Doyoung to agree on something like that. 

“It’s just weird to date a professor.” Yuta shrugged. 

“Well, we don’t know the circumstances. Plus I don’t know if they’re even dating.” Doyoung took a sip of his wine. 

“Do you not spend time here?” Yuta gave him a puzzled look. 

“I study out a lot.” Doyoung looked away, taking a sip of his wine. 

“You’ll have to show me the places to study when I’m back in school.” Yuta replied.

The doorbell ring came at the door, and Doyoung excused himself to go answer, setting his wine glass down on the table. He headed over to the door and Yuta watched as he disappeared into the corridor. 

He wondered who it was, but also didn’t want to pry. Instead, he made his way around the socializing people, who were all bunched together around the room. Yuta soon found Jaehyun again, on the couch. 

“Hey.” Yuta muttered softly, even though Jaehyun was already staring at him. 

“Hello.” Jaehyun answered, and then looked away. 

“Enjoying yourself?” Yuta asked, in an almost teasing tone. 

“Not that much, since you’re avoiding me.” 

“I am _not avoiding you_. Don’t be a baby, I’m just being social.” Yuta seated himself on the armrest of the couch, “plus, why would I avoid you?” 

“Because of earlier.” Jaehyun slurred, and Yuta almost wanted to lean closer in to check his breath, just to see how drunk he was. 

“I’m not mad about earlier. Sure, I wish you had been a bit nicer to Taeyong, but, I get it. You’re stressed and probably don’t want to deal with an event planner right now.” Yuta shrugged, hoping that his voice was low enough and the music was loud enough that no one could hear the discussion they were having. 

“I didn’t mean to come off as rude. It’s just, I can tell you guys are already friends. I don’t have any place in our wedding planning because of how busy I am and I hate that I can’t be there to help.” Jaehyun replied, looking up at Yuta. 

Yuta smiled in return, and gently grabbed the beer can Jaehyun was holding out from his hand. He placed Jaehyun’s hand on his knee, with his own hand overtop. 

“You don’t have to worry about that.” Yuta gave him a soft smile, “I’ll try to be more understanding of your workload too.” 

“Thank you.” Jaehyun muttered, and slowly lifted Yuta’s hand to place a kiss on it.

Jaehyun looked around, as if he was trying to see who was looking at them. But no one was, they were all busy and caught up with talking or dancing, that no one even spared them a glance. 

“Where did Doyoung go?” Jaehyun asked suddenly, just now noticing he wasn’t in the room. 

“He went to answer the door. He’s probably in the kitchen now, or something.” 

Yuta watched how Jaehyun leaned his neck back to try to see the hallway, and couldn’t help but find it endearing. 

“Wanna come search with me?” Yuta stood up, still holding Jaehyun’s hand. 

“Sure.” He followed Yuta, as they moved around the people. 

It grew quieter as they moved away from the living room crowd. Yuta’s ears caught on to the sound of hushed voices coming from the kitchen. He turned around and held his hand out to Jaehyun, motioning for him to stop. 

“What?” Jaehyun asked, in his deep voice which luckily wasn’t too loud even though he was talking over music. 

“I can hear Doyoung talking to someone in there.” Yuta whispered back, and Jaehyun furrowed his brows at him. 

“So? It’s probably a guest.” 

“No, I’ve been thinking he’s seeing someone lately. I wonder if it’s them.” Yuta couldn’t hide the curious expression on his face, at the prospect that he might finally crack the mystery of whoever his friend had been hiding from him for weeks. 

Jaehyun sighed, and grabbed Yuta’s hand again, pulling him towards the kitchen so that they couldn’t hide in the shadows of the hallway anymore. 

In the kitchen, Doyoung was standing awfully close to a tall man. He was dressed in a black sweatshirt, jeans, and he had his back turned to the door of the kitchen so neither Yuta nor Jaehyun could see his face. 

But Yuta recognized him instantly anyway. 

_Johnny._ He’d know him even without seeing his face anywhere. Johnny had a broad back and a sturdy build, Yuta remembered things like this, no matter how hard he tried to forget. 

Doyoung, who had been smiling before they walked in, stared blankly at Yuta. Only then did Yuta notice Doyoung’s hand that was on Johnny’s forearm. 

He felt a sense of dread enter his stomach, and then was hit with confusion. Yuta didn’t know what he wanted to do. His hands had become sweaty, and only then did he drop Jaehyun’s hand, realizing he had still been holding it. 

“What—?” Johnny paused, then turned around. 

Johnny’s eyes widened, proving that he hadn’t expected to see him. Johnny had an expressionless look on his face when his eyes landed on Jaehyun.

Yuta couldn’t speak, his throat choked up and he found himself at a loss for words. He was frozen in place. 

However, to his and everyone else’s surprise, Jaehyun spoke for him. 

“What are you doing here?” Jaehyun scowled, and Yuta could see the change in his body language and emotions instantly. He stood in front of Yuta, protectively, and looked between Doyoung and Johnny, waiting for an answer. 

“I’m.. I was. I’m a friend of Doyoung’s now.” Johnny fumbled with his words. 

“Not—not even friends he just stops by sometimes.” Doyoung finished, and Yuta could tell it was a lie from the way his voice quivered.

It all made sense now, the reason why Doyoung hadn’t told him anything, and why he had kept everything about his new relationship secret.

“Bullshit.” Yuta spoke, suddenly. He took a deep breath, and moved from where his view of them had been blocked by Jaehyun. 

“Yuta, please. I can explain this, let’s just go outside and we can talk it over—“ Doyoung moved closer, and Yuta held his clenched fists at his side. 

“I don’t wanna hear whatever you have to say. What possible explanation could you have for even befriending him after what happened? It was shady that you hung around him enough to get me a job at the university he worked at, but I guess it makes sense now.” Yuta spat, full on rage consuming him now. 

The music in the house seemed to die out in his ears, and all he could focus on was the sight of the two of them standing so close in the kitchen. Yuta was finally able to process it now. 

“You’re really screwing my ex.” Yuta said, backing away from the two of them. The horror and fear on Doyoung’s face was apparent. 

“Don’t make assumptions before he’s even explained everything, Yuta.” Johnny finally spoke again, having the audacity to do so. 

Jaehyun scoffed, and Johnny turned to look at him. 

“You don’t have any right to tell him how he should feel right now.” Jaehyun hissed out. 

“Oh, like you have any say in this conversation. What are you even doing here? Finally able to spend a minute away for your fiancé?” Johnny said, and then his venomous eyes flicked to Yuta’s hand. 

“I see he still doesn’t have a ring. And you probably wonder why he almost left your engagement for me.” Jaehyun’s eyes grew wide with rage, and Johnny laughed. 

“Oh, I guess you didn’t know that.” Johnny began closing in on Jaehyun.

“It’s not true, I swear.” Yuta said to Jaehyun, shaking his head. 

“Stop lying.” Yuta directed the words at Johnny as he spoke, feeling nauseous at the sight of him. 

“I’m not lying. I remember everything you told me, about how he treats you.. how he never paid attention to you. All of it.” Johnny started to approach Yuta, but Jaehyun pushed him back with a hand on his shoulder before he could do so. 

“Johnny!” Doyoung exclaimed in shock, brows furrowed together in anger. 

Yuta still didn’t move, or speak. He wondered if Doyoung hadn’t seen this side of Johnny yet. 

“You piece of shit.” Jaehyun growled, and then he was pushing Johnny back with full force, “You’re nothing. He was never gonna leave me for you.” 

“Then why are you reacting like this? Is it because deep down, you know I’m _right?”_ Johnny smirked, far too cocky for his own good. 

“I’m not threatened by a cheating bastard like you.” Jaehyun raised his voice, then it seemed like everything went silent for a minute. Johnny’s smirk fell. 

Johnny pulled his arm back, and Yuta felt like everything happened in the blink of an eye. His strong fist made loud contact with Jaehyun’s nose, and Jaehyun failed to deflect it, his hands flew up to grab his nose. 

Yuta tried to get in between them and protect Jaehyun, but Johnny pushed him aside. The taller man grabbed Jaehyun’s collared shirt and shoved him back to the wall. 

“You never deserved someone like Yuta in the first place!” Johnny yelled, fully in rage, and tried to slam his fist to Jaehyun’s face again, but Jaehyun dodged this time. 

“No! Johnny, stop!” Doyoung cried, trying to pull the larger man back with his arms. Yuta observed how Doyoung was clinging to him, trying to prevent further damage. 

It was too late, because Jaehyun retaliated just as hard with his fist against Johnny’s jaw. He hit the taller man with enough force to cause him to stumble backwards. 

Yuta watched as Jaehyun’s chest heaved while he wiped the blood from his nose, and Johnny pushed Doyoung off him with one arm. 

“Stop!” Yuta pleaded for either of them to cease fighting, as he realized people had begun to gather in the hallway. He moved now only to grab Jaehyun’s arm and pull him back, standing in between Johnny and him. 

Jaehyun was drawn out of his rage by the sight of Yuta’s tears, which Yuta hadn’t even realized had finally begun falling. 

Unlike Johnny, who had pushed Doyoung off, Jaehyun didn’t lay a hand on Yuta. He listened, backing away from the other man. 

“Come on. Let’s leave.” Yuta said again, throwing a poisonous glare at Johnny once Jaehyun had his back turned. 

Yuta noticed before he turned to leave how Doyoung was closely examining Johnny’s jaw. And anyone who was smart could tell that Doyoung was doing it with deep care. Yuta felt disgusted at the sight of them together. 

Jaehyun’s nose was still bleeding, and Yuta felt overwhelmed with everything that had just happened. Not to mention how it felt like everyone was all staring at them. 

“Yuta! Please let me explain, I’m sorry—“ Doyoung called after them, obviously after he had made sure Johnny was _okay._

Doyoung followed them to the door, and Yuta sighed in exasperation. He almost growled when Doyoung tried to grab his arm, retracting it before he could do so. 

“Don’t touch me with those hands that you just used to touch _him.”_ Yuta hissed. He battlef the tears in his eyes, and didn’t want to continue crying in front of the person who was the main cause of it.

“Yuta, it’s a misunderstanding. I just want to explain—“

“Leave me alone.” Yuta snapped, and then ushered Jaehyun out the door once they had both gotten their shoes on. Yuta threw his coat on, and didn’t take one more look at the face of the man who was a traitor to him now. 

Yuta half expected Doyoung to rush out the door after them, but surely enough, once he had slammed it shut, there was no sign of him. Yuta could hardly stand the weight on his chest now. 

“Did your nose stop bleeding?” Yuta asked, concerned. He cupped Jaehyun’s face in his hands, gently checking to see. 

“Yeah. It’ll be healed in an hour or so. A bloody nose is nothing.” 

“Good. Now I can say what you did was really stupid.” Yuta dropped his hands, and kept walking. Jaehyun followed, obviously upset at the loss of contact. 

Jaehyun didn’t deny or protest against his words. 

  
  


-

  
  


Yuta had driven to his apartment with Jaehyun’s car, since the other man was in no condition to drive. Jaehyun was a bit more than tipsy, which Yuta knew was also a reason behind his violent behavior. 

Once they were inside, Yuta had taken a cold rag to Jaehyun’s nose, wiping away some of the blood. 

“Don’t you think I’ve seen you bleed enough?” 

“He punched first. And he deserved it. I’ve wanted to do that forever.” Jaehyun spoke bitterly. 

Yuta held back a smile, biting his lower lip in order to do so. The thought that Jaehyun had been holding back the desire to punch Johnny for a long time shouldn’t make him happy the way it did. 

“Are you upset with me?” Jaehyun asked, and Yuta paced around the kitchen, trying to busy himself with getting them both water. 

“A bit, for getting hurt again. But I just found out my best friend has been lying to me for months, so I think I have a right to be upset right now.” Yuta shrugged, unable to keep his mind off it despite his attempts. 

“You deserve to be angry. And upset, and whatever else you want.” Jaehyun stayed against the counter. His eyes were partially closed and he looked extremely tired. 

“Honestly, I just want to go to bed. With you. I don’t want you to leave.” Yuta turned back around. 

Jaehyun was there already, and Yuta found himself with his head against Jaehyun’s shoulder quickly. 

“Even when I’m a bit upset with you, I can’t help it.” Yuta smiled against Jaehyun’s skin, trying to find his scent past all the other mingling scents of the people he’d greeted at the party, and of course, alcohol. 

They stood in the dim kitchen, entangled in each other's embrace. Yuta finally withdrew his face, realizing Jaehyun was practically asleep against his neck. 

“Let’s go to bed.” Jaehyun mumbled. 

Yuta headed towards his room, which Jaehyun was obviously not _new_ to anymore. He reached into his drawer and handed the younger proper bed clothes to change into. 

He changed first, and came out then, finding Jaehyun was already in his bed. Yuta crawled over to him, and laid down. 

Jaehyun immediately wrapped his arms around Yuta’s torso, clinging to him with intensity. Yuta scoffed a bit, knowing that he would never be this obvious sober. 

“Can I tell you something?” 

“Always.” Yuta answered gently. 

“I was gonna—I was gonna tell you about everything today, everything that’s been happening. But then you had this party and dinner to go to, and I knew it wasn’t the right time. I guess it’s pointless now.” Jaehyun mumbled, and Yuta nodded as he spoke. 

He pressed a light kiss to the taller man’s lips. It was only to give him affirmation that he heard what he was saying. 

“In the morning, Jaehyun. You can explain it then.” Yuta softly whispered against the top of his head. 

Jaehyun leaned down, and kept his head against Yuta’s chest, seeming to listen to the sound of his heart beating. Yuta didn’t mind how his hands dug in at the sides of his ribs, or how he had his full weight on his body. 

He only cared that he was with Jaehyun. 

“You better be here when I wake up.” Yuta mumbled right before he fell asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii! so, i wanna hear thoughts! how do you guys feel? did you guys expect that from doyoung? or no? i know johnny and doyoung are kinda awful in here (sorry to them i love them) aha. anyways i hope you guys enjoyed and i wanna hear your thoughts. next chapter will be less drama filled and more focused on explaining and ;) other things. can’t wait!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was hard on me and i thought it would be easy! so sorry it took forever ):<  
> i hope you guys enjoy—even though this one is mostly just explaining a lot of stuff. i love you guys as always! i appreciate all your comments so so much ❤️ they truly help!!!
> 
> thank you for 400 kudos!

The sound of the rain pattering against the window had been loud enough to wake Yuta up. He yawned, unable to move and check the digital clock because of the large man who was clinging to his body, preventing Yuta from moving at all. 

Yuta felt his face turn up into a smile at the sight of Jaehyun, his mop of dark brown hair tucked into Yuta’s shoulder. He wasn’t snoring, but his breathing was suspiciously loud. 

Just like Yuta had hoped, Jaehyun hadn’t left him again in the morning. It was an overwhelmingly satisfying feeling to wake up with him again in the morning, for the first time since their trip to Japan. 

Yuta had hated returning from that trip so much, because they had been brought back down to reality and it felt like all they shared had been some dream. 

But waking up like this, made Yuta long for days where this type of life was normal. A life where he could expect to find Jaehyun in his bed when he woke up in the morning. Yuta couldn’t help but daydream of seeing that handsome smile every time he woke up.

He had stretched out both of his legs across the bed in his sleep, and the covers were a complete mess, Yuta realized he had gotten too hot overnight and kicked them halfway off. 

Yuta lifted his arms up out from the covers, and he then noticed warm, inviting hands tracing down his back, moving along with him. 

“Good morning.” Jaehyun mumbled against his neck. 

“You always surprise me. How are you that good at fake sleeping?” Yuta said, baffled as he watched Jaehyun lift his head up from his neck, very much awake despite Yuta’s assumption. 

“Years of practice.” 

Yuta chuckled at that and brought his hand to caress the nape of Jaehyun’s neck after he laid back down against Yuta’s chest. 

“My head hurts,” Jaehyun complained. 

“Should I kiss it better? Your nose too?” Yuta teased, mockingly. 

Jaehyun brought one hand to tickle the side of Yuta’s rib, causing him to squirm under his larger body. 

“Alright! You proved your point.” Yuta giggled at the tickling, trying his best not to squeal when Jaehyun’s hands dug against his ribs again. 

“Please, Jaehyun!” Yuta tried to kick him off but failed. 

Jaehyun stopped, falling back down against Yuta’s chest with a sigh. Yuta’s chest heaved as he caught his breath against 

“I wish we could stay like this.” Jaehyun said, and the sound of his deep voice tickled against Yuta’s neck, but he refrained from squirming more. 

“Do you?” Yuta asked softly, hoping that the glee in his voice wasn’t too obvious. 

Jaehyun pressed his lips to Yuta’s exposed collarbone in a barely-there touch. He then moved up from where he’d been laying with an ear pressed against Yuta’s chest, so that they were face to face. 

“Yes,” Jaehyun said, then groaned out of nowhere, “but I need to get back, I’ve got a test to study for tomorrow, and I should do some cleaning, and..” 

Jaehyun opened his mouth against Yuta’s neck in a slower kiss, and Yuta closed his eyes, feeling his cheeks flush at the contact. 

“Will you come with me? I want to keep my promise this time.” Jaehyun spoke in a low whisper. 

Yuta knew right away what he was talking about, his promise from days ago that he would explain everything to Yuta. He would be lying if he claimed that the idea of finally knowing was a bit nerve-wracking. 

“You live alone too?” Yuta asked, not trying to give the question a double-meaning, but it sounded like one anyway, and they both grinned. 

“I do. But don’t get any ideas. I’m still taking you on a date first.” 

“We’re engaged already yet we haven’t been on a first date.” Yuta laughed when it wasn’t really that comical. 

“Not like that’s our fault.” Jaehyun mumbled, his chin resting on Yuta’s shoulder. 

“You’re right.”

  
  


-

  
  


Breakfast was quite enjoyable, it was good enough to put Yuta in a somewhat decent mood, feeling safe around Jaehyun even with the events that had taken place the night before. 

They had decided to get dressed—Jaehyun wearing his clothing from the party despite Yuta’s request to play dress-up with him, and Yuta in a leather jacket with a t-shirt under, and jeans. 

Yuta was the one who had suggested they go to the same park he’d previously been to with Taeyong, just to get some fresh air before they left. It was a rather nice spring day, and there was not much left of April for them to enjoy. 

The beautiful trees were in full bloom, and a few people were out. It was still early morning, so the air outside wasn’t humid yet.

“My mother called this morning, and I didn’t answer so she sent a bunch of texts.” 

Yuta turned to Jaehyun, who was walking beside him. Jaehyun always had a habit of mentioning things much later and abruptly. 

“What was it about?” 

“She’s just sad that we missed dinner, she wanted us to come later in the week, but... I told her I’d need to ask you first.” 

Yuta felt his heart swell at the gesture. Jaehyun was slowly but surely becoming better with communication, rather than making the choice for Yuta, he wanted to ask him. 

“Well, I’m glad you did. I’d be fine with rescheduling.” Yuta smiled gently. 

“She doesn’t want to have dinner anymore. This time she wants us to go to a ballet with her and my father.” 

“Oh.” Yuta said shortly, unable to hide the distaste in his tone. It sounded like Jaehyun had just suggested they go watch paint dry. 

“I guess that would be fine.” 

Jaehyun stopped walking, and Yuta lifted his brows in confusion. Jaehyun pulled his hand up, grabbing something small off of Yuta’s head. 

“A flower petal.” Jaehyun held it in his palm, and Yuta glanced down at the pink leaf. 

“I’m sure that means good luck somewhere.” Yuta shrugged. 

Jaehyun grew quiet like he was observing Yuta. Out of the corner of his eye, Yuta could see that in fact was. 

“How are you feeling today, I mean, truly feeling?” He asked as if Yuta was fragile and could break down any second. Which wasn’t actually far from how Yuta felt, deep down. 

“I’m still in a bit of denial, I think. I keep trying to distract myself because I know if I continue to think about it that it will only hurt more.” Yuta said, voice breaking off and quivering at the end of his sentence. He composed himself again with a deep breath. 

“So, I don’t want to talk about it yet.” Yuta added on, shrugging weakly. 

“I understand. I want to make everything easier for you If I could. You deserve more, you deserve better.” Jaehyun spoke softly, and Yuta wondered how they looked to the people who passed by. 

They were standing awfully close now, both stood frozen in the pathway.

“You’re different than anyone else I’ve ever been with.” Yuta admitted. 

“Why’s that?” Jaehyun asked, with a grin on his face. 

“It’s hard to explain. But you don’t only focus on my appearance, you want to try to understand my rather... chaotic emotions too. No one else has ever tried to know me on a deeper level like that.” Yuta said. 

“I wouldn’t want you any other way.” Jaehyun said, which was enough to make Yuta blush. He was unsure why he was the one who became speechless around Jaehyun. 

“Your hands feel nice. Like they’ll hold on to me for a long time.” Yuta mumbled, and received a smile from Jaehyun in response. 

Jaehyun gently squeezed Yuta’s hand, and they continued walking along the path, hand in hand. 

-

  
  


The journey over to Jaehyun’s dorm was made in comfortable silence, Yuta stared out the window for most of the drive, and they only made small talk every now and then. 

The campus for Jaehyun’s college was as expensive and large as Yuta had been expecting. Yuta followed Jaehyun as he led the way to his dorm room after they had parked. 

“I’m really seeing a guy who’s in college.” Yuta teased, and Jaehyun only smiled, his hand coming up to brush through his own hair. 

The inside of the dorm room looked more like an apartment, and it was larger than any that Yuta had ever seen before. Yet still, it had the expected appearance of a college dorm based on how messy the desk area was. Yuta could also see that Jaehyun didn’t even have fitted sheets on his bed. 

There was a small black sofa in the corner of the room, which seemed to be a living room area, as Yuta’s eyes traveled around the room, he spotted a mini kitchen at the end of the room. 

“It’s a mess, of course. I didn’t really want you to see this.” 

“It’s fine, Jae.” Yuta gave him a reassuring smile. Upon deeper observation, Yuta could see how his style was incorporated. The room had a very minimalistic vibe to it, and the color scheme only contained grey, black, and white colors. Yuta noticed a bookshelf, taken over mostly by textbooks, but he could also see a couple of albums. 

“What kind of music do you listen to?” Yuta asked curiously, helping himself to grab one of the albums. 

“A bit of everything. Mostly classic stuff, or R&B.” 

“I see.” 

“That’s Frank Ocean.” Jaehyun pointed to the album Yuta was holding. 

Yuta looked up in confusion, wondering if Jaehyun was going to explain every album to him as if he had no clue who they were. 

“You know? He sings the—ah nevermind.” Jaehyun shook his head after reading the puzzled expression on Yuta’s face. 

Yuta chuckled, “you’ll have to sing it to me sometime I guess. ” 

“You mean to play the record for you.” Jaehyun corrected, with a grin. 

“No, I want to hear your rendition of it.” 

They both laughed, and Yuta continued to roam around the room. There really wasn’t that much to see, most of the dorm room was empty space. He did notice that there was an oddly placed bottle of soju on the bedside table, which made Yuta’s throat feel tight with concern. There was also a shirt thrown over the large and messy desk, which seemed to be covering most of its content. 

Yuta flicked his eyes up, reading Jaehyun’s expression. He seemed deep in thought and was still pacing around the room. Suddenly, Jaehyun walked over to a small box set on his dresser, opening it and pulling a locket with a small golden chain attached to it out. 

“I’m not sure if you’ll find this creepy or flattering, but I have a photo that was given to me of you before we met.” Jaehyun said, which piqued Yuta’s curiosity. 

“You kept it? After all this time?” Yuta chuckled in disbelief. 

“Of course.” Jaehyun said. 

He led Yuta over to his bed, where they settled down and Jaehyun handed it to him, Yuta opening his palm easily. 

“Oh god, I’m not sure I want to open it,” Yuta said, horrified at what may be inside. 

Jaehyun did instead, snapping it open easily to reveal a tiny picture inside. Yuta vaguely remembered having this picture taken when he was 17, he wasn’t smiling in it, and his eyes looked dark and unwelcoming. At the time his hair had naturally been black, and it was spiked in different directions and his bangs hung in his eyes. 

“It’s just as embarrassing as I thought,” Yuta said, hiding his face with his hand. He didn’t want to see the small picture staring back at him anymore. 

“This was the only picture I had of you for a year, so.”

“How tragic.” Yuta laughed.

“Honestly,” Jaehyun glanced down at the picture again, “I thought you were beautiful even back then.” 

Yuta shook his head, leaning back on the bed with one arm. “You’re bluffing.” 

“I’m not. You were even prettier the first time in person. I didn’t know what the hell to do. I was sixteen so, of course I tried to play it cool.” 

“They never gave me a picture of you. Maybe if they had I wouldn’t have tried to kick you out of my room.” Yuta grinned. 

“I really wanted to know what you were like, so my parents pushed for it.” 

“You were worried you were fated to marry someone ugly huh?” Yuta teased, with a grin. He snapped the locket shut and handed it back to Jaehyun, before his younger face could taunt him any longer. 

Yuta remembered the face in that tiny picture as someone who was struggling with his identity and future so deeply, yet had no outlet to express it. It was odd how vividly he could remember those feelings. 

“No—I just wanted to put a face to your name. It felt better that way, since I kept thinking about you, or wondering, because I didn’t know you yet.” Jaehyun uttered softly. 

Yuta’s smug grin fell, as he realized how sweet Jaehyun’s confession really was. He thought back on how he’d practically willed Jaehyun away at such a young age, and regret filled into his lungs. He couldn’t help but feel like things may have been different if he hadn’t been so quick to push Jaehyun away without giving him any chance. Not even trying to be friends with him. Yuta had shut him out entirely at first. 

Yuta turned to look at the taller man sitting next to him, and noticed something about Jaehyun’s body language. When he got shy or didn’t know what to say, he stared down at the floor and his breathing became heavier through his nose, a clear indicator that he was too busy thinking to realize it. 

Yuta was met with the sudden urge to kiss him. 

He moved closer until their noses were slightly touching, Jaehyun reciprocated by connecting their lips. Since they were sitting side by side, the angle that their lips were touching became a bit awkward, with Yuta having to crane his neck and tilt his head up.

“Was that kiss out of pity?” Jaehyun teased, after pulling back. 

“No.” Yuta narrowed his eyes. 

Yuta moved completely onto the bed first, then Jaehyun followed. They were laying down and facing each other, and a silence fell over them again. 

Yuta closed his eyes to avoid making eye contact in such a close position. He tried his hardest not to move once he felt Jaehyun’s fingertips brush along the side of his cheekbone, down across his nose, then his lips, and finally he lost it when Jaehyun’s fingers softly trailed over his eyelids, unable to stop laughter from escaping his lips. 

He slowly cracked one eye open, then both. The younger man was leaning over him with something of a fond smile on his face as he gazed down at Yuta. 

“You are something else, Yuta.” Jaehyun murmured, and before Yuta could ask him what he meant he was caught off guard by the other man’s lips crashing to his own. 

Jaehyun moved forward without any warning, his hand cupped Yuta’s face, keeping him steady as he took hold of his lips. 

Yuta made a strangled sound at how sudden the force of it was, and he was confused as to where the need came from Jaehyun. The kiss felt restless and urgent, Jaehyun’s lips pressed harshly against his while Yuta kept his own lips barely moving. He curled one free hand into Jaehyun’s shirt, steadying him. 

Yuta pressed a hand to his chest and could feel how fast his heart was beating. Jaehyun was obviously nervous and his odd way of showing it was through affection or perhaps he was trying to distract Yuta, the elder wasn’t sure which was the reason. 

“Are you okay?” Yuta asked, a little out of breath himself since the kiss had pretty much knocked the air out of him. 

“No.” Jaehyun breathed, and then his lips formed into a smile, “you’re too much for me, I think.” 

“Jaehyun. I’m serious.” Yuta warned.

Jaehyun’s breath faltered, and he moved away from where he’d been leaning over Yuta. 

“I’m nervous about what you’ll think when you hear the truth.” Jaehyun’s expression hardens as he speaks. 

“I want you to know the reasons for my behavior. I care about you a lot, and I’m beginning to trust what we have together. Which is why I have to be honest with you, even if it’s hard for me.”

Yuta grabbed for Jaehyun’s open hand, interlocking their fingers together. 

“I care about you too, please, Jaehyun. Tell me everything that’s wrong, confide in me.” Yuta pleaded and leaned up so that their foreheads were touching. 

Yuta wasn’t sure if he could handle it if Jaehyun rejected him again, he felt so fragile like this, begging the other man to open up again. Jaehyun moved away from the touch of their foreheads and swallowed deeply. 

“I don’t know where to start. I guess I’ve always struggled with opening up about things like this. But you already saw when I showed up drunk at your apartment drunk, I’m a mess.” Jaehyun exhaled, closing his eyes. 

Yuta was surprised that he addressed what had happened when he’d last showed up at Yuta’s apartment smelling of cigarettes and alcohol, as he’d expected them to continue to brush over that and ignore its existence. 

“Ever since I was young I’ve always held myself to high standards. When it came to school, sports, or anything in life that could measure up to something bigger. I’ve always been willing to do what it takes for success, even if it means sacrificing my social life, or hours of sleep, whatever necessary.” 

Yuta stayed silent and listened, his eyes attentive over the man in front of him. 

“I never thought of myself as the type of person who would eventually need to take pills to stay awake, but, it got to that point somewhere along the line,” Jaehyun paused and there was a drop in his tone, “I started taking Adderall. Just so that I could focus better, at least, it gives the illusion that you don’t need sleep.” 

Yuta was shocked by the confession and tried his best not to show it. He had only momentarily considered that Jaehyun might’ve been using some kind of drug, but it was months ago and he had buried the idea deep in his subconscious. 

Yuta began to search back in his mind, finding and connecting all his memories of Jaehyun with his sunken eyes, tiredness, jittery habits and weight loss. It made sense that there would be some kind of stimulant responsible. Yuta can’t help but feel as though he had kept himself blind to the idea for a reason. He didn’t want it to be true. 

“When did this start?” Yuta asked, softly tracing a pattern on Jaehyun’s hand with his fingers. 

Jaehyun was clearly afraid of judgment, and Yuta could feel the younger man’s hand twitch against his own. 

“I started taking it after I flunked an exam my senior year of high school. I wasn’t focused enough, and I didn’t try my best either. My father was pissed, he always was about school no matter what, but I had never flunked before.” Jaehyun said, and his voice dropped into a whisper. 

“They didn’t let me eat for two days. My father would hit me if I complained about being hungry.” Jaehyun admitted, looking anywhere in the room except at Yuta. 

Yuta was appalled at this. He couldn’t fathom or hardly believe that Jaehyun’s parents were capable of such true cruelty towards their own son. Yuta could only focus now on the way Jaehyun’s fingers tightened around his own, his own grip falling weaker. 

“My mom was the one who helped me get the prescription, she forged my diagnosis for ADHD in order to do so.” Jaehyun said.

“I’m so sorry, Jaehyun.” Yuta spoke softly, his face twisted in a slight grimace at the thought of Jaehyun’s own mother being evil enough to do something that she knew could harm her own son, all for their own selfish reasons. 

“I felt odd for a while, and lost my appetite, but I had a lot of energy and could focus. That was all that mattered.” 

“You didn’t have a choice,” Yuta said with obvious contempt, most of his inner rage was directed at Jaehyun’s parents now. He was horrified by the fact that he had sat at the same dinner table, and laughed and smiled with people who had done something so terrible to their own son because they didn’t believe that he’d be strong enough unless he was influenced by drugs. 

“I stopped after I graduated because I realized how poorly it was affecting me. I’d take it early in the morning and be able to study all day and then even add in a work out at the end of the day. But it wasn’t healthy, I lost weight and depended on the medication to keep me energized instead of my own body.” 

Jaehyun played with Yuta’s fingers suddenly, as Yuta lay quiet by his side. He stared up at Jaehyun’s face, his eyes falling right onto the scrape on his nose, which was a small reminder of the fight from the night before. 

“I had a relapse again sometime last year, but it was off and on. Until I started to need it to focus or thought that I did. The effects of it would last so long, I couldn’t sleep, I’d just toss and turn.”

“That’s when I started drinking. I didn’t know what else to do but to drink to get my brain to stop running.” Jaehyun closed his eyes then, and Yuta continued to hold his hand tightly, afraid to let go. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Yuta asked, the question had been right on the tip of his tongue and he was unable to prevent it from slipping out. He couldn’t swallow the knot in his throat, which was something like guilt and anxiety building up inside of him. 

“Because the only thing I was thinking about was school. I feared what would happen if I stopped because whenever I do, I get weak and tired, and I stop working hard. And I can’t—I can’t do that, Yuta. I knew if I told you, that I’d want to quit. I’d want to be better for you, which is why I couldn’t.” Jaehyun practically choked the last few words out, unable to speak fully. 

Yuta’s throat clenched and his stomach tightened as he watched a tear spill from Jaehyun’s eyes, and Yuta broke inside more. It was so painful to see the man he felt so strongly about so vulnerable. Yuta reached up to touch the side of his face, 

“I was taking the drug even with my knowledge of how bad it was—and that’s my fault, and I should’ve stopped, I don’t deserve someone like you, Yuta. I’m weak.” Jaehyun breathed out, shaking his head. 

“You deserve so much more. Someone who isn’t a mess.” Jaehyun added on, unable to look into Yuta’s eyes. 

“Don’t. You aren’t guilty, Jaehyun. This isn’t your fault. You don’t have a weak will, you just expect too much from yourself. You are only human.” Yuta said, pleadingly. He hated to hear the amount of distaste in Jaehyun’s voice as he spoke about himself. 

He hadn’t made eye contact once with Yuta as he spoke, eyes fixated on where his hand was holding Yuta’s. The older man could understand how it wasn’t easy to be weak in front of someone like this. 

Yuta felt a wet tear against his hand, where it rested against the side of Jaehyun’s face. 

“You were only doing what you thought you had to do. It’s your parents fault for placing those ideas in your head.” Yuta said. It was hard not to be swayed by the heartbreaking sight of Jaehyun. He looked empty, his lips pursed and tears falling from his eyes yet he wasn’t sobbing, it was more of a slow release. 

“I bottled it up for too long, I think. If I had told you sooner, or—gotten help, I probably would’ve quit months ago.” Jaehyun finally made eye contact with Yuta, and his expression became even more miserable as he read the look on Yuta’s face. 

“It’s dangerous, Jaehyun. To be drinking and taking that kind of medication.” Yuta reminded himself to calm down, but his own voice trembled as he spoke despite his efforts. He was supposed to be strong, but his imagination had taken hold and he’d begun to imagine what could’ve happened if Jaehyun had gotten hospitalized, and he could hardly breathe at the thought. 

“I know, but I didn’t care. It didn’t feel like it was taking a hold of me. Until,” Jaehyun laughed strangely in between his words, “I looked in the mirror and barely recognized the man looking back at me. I guess I was worried you’d notice too, which is why I tried to dress well and cover myself up when I came over to check on you. I thought my problem would be less obvious.” 

Yuta nibbled on his lip in an attempt to distract himself from the burning in his eyes, which he knew were tears that threatened to spill over. 

“When was the last time you took it?” Yuta asked, and Jaehyun’s hand pulled away from his own, just so that he could rub at the side of his own face. 

“A couple of days ago. Last Monday, I think.” Jaehyun used the same hand to run through his hair, something he did only when talking about stressful topics, Yuta noticed. 

Yuta had never dealt with anyone with addiction before. He was lucky enough that neither of his parents had drinking or drug problems, that he knew of since it seemed to be a trend in dysfunctional families. 

He slowly moved closer to Jaehyun, so as not to startle him, and pressed his head to his shoulder. 

“I want you safe. I want you to be clean.” Yuta mumbled with his lips against Jaehyun’s shirt. 

“I ran out of pills, yesterday. I think that’s probably why my mood was so awful. But I don’t plan on buying more.” Jaehyun looked guilty as he spoke. 

Jaehyun’s arm moved around Yuta’s shoulder, keeping him tucked closer to his body with the touch. 

“What about.. the alcohol?” Yuta asked softly, rather nervous to question him further, but he couldn’t ignore the bottles on the bedside table any longer, nor the lingering curiosity about how Jaehyun planned to tackle that issue. 

“I haven’t been as successful with that, no. It’s the only thing I use as a stress reliever right now.” 

“You can find other things to relieve stress. I can help you.” Yuta pleaded. 

“It’s not your job to fix me, Yuta.” Jaehyun reassured him. 

“I just want to help.” Yuta said. 

“You are helping, just by listening to me.” Jaehyun replied, pressing his lips to Yuta’s wrist after he’d brought his hand to touch the side of Jaehyun’s face again.

“On those days where I felt lifeless, your smile made everything feel better.” Jaehyun said, his voice still in a weak whisper. 

Yuta’s chest heaved at the pure sweetness of his words, he already felt like a mess on the inside, and Jaehyun’s words only made Yuta feel overwhelmed. How Jaehyun could find comfort in something as simple as his smile even with all the pain of his past and present, was beyond Yuta. 

“I’m right here, Jaehyun. And I’m not going anywhere either. You just have to let me in.” Yuta said, swallowing the painful lump in his throat finally. 

“I’m sorry, I am. I was being selfish by hiding. I was just afraid that you wouldn’t want things to continue the way they are if you knew the truth and all my problems.” 

“You aren’t selfish Jaehyun, and you don’t have to be afraid of me.” Yuta moved his hand gently to rest on the back of Jaehyun’s neck, trying his best to reassure him. 

“I only want honesty from you, so that I can understand you as much as you try to make an effort to see me.” Yuta said, even when Jaehyun became silent and still. 

“I know you do,” Jaehyun nodded, “you’re always more accepting than I am. I admire you for it.” 

Jaehyun blinked away the rest of his tears, and then circled his arms around Yuta’s small torso. Yuta caressed Jaehyun in that embrace, slowly rubbing one hand against his shoulder and resting the other on the back of his head. 

The breathing against Yuta’s neck was hoarse and deep, but he didn’t mind. He let Jaehyun stay like that. Yuta closed his own eyes, ignoring the tears that overflowed. 

“Don’t go, yet.” Jaehyun whispered. 

Yuta was sure that the words could’ve made his heart soar with joy any other time, but in this situation, it only pained him more. It was as if Jaehyun was clinging to Yuta like he was the only thing he had left. Yuta grew nervous at the idea of not being with him, he grew worried that something might happen when he left. 

“I won’t.” Yuta replied finally, body going slack and relaxed. His weak hands were no match for Jaehyun’s strong grip on his body. 

Yuta knew the reason for Jaehyun’s eye bags and exhaustion, for his mood swings and sudden changes in his behavior. He had opened up to Yuta, and even though it had been hard on Jaehyun, Yuta couldn’t help but feel as if it had brought them closer than before. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Yuta checked back and forth from the clock and Taeyong. The café they were seated in was awfully busy for mid morning, and he felt out of place since both Taeyong and him weren’t in any rush at all. 

The morning light coming into the cafè from the windows was rather beautiful, and Yuta found it hard to stay focused on the laptop in front of him or the wedding conversation. 

“Yuta? Can you hear me?” Taeyong asked, smiling and waving his hand in front of the other man’s face. 

“Ah, yes, sorry. I didn’t hear what you said.” 

“I booked the reception hall that you asked for. They’re asking for a 3-month deposit now though.” Taeyong said. 

“Oh, thank you. I’ll arrange that if you can send me their contact information again.” Yuta smiled at Taeyong’s helpfulness. 

“Is there something on your mind?” Taeyong asked, in obvious reference to Yuta zoning out. 

Yuta wracked his brain trying to figure out what kind of excuse to come up with. There was so much on his mind, it was almost too much at once. 

“Just.. it seems like a nice day outside. I love when the weather gets warm enough like this, when it gets close to summer but it’s not quite there yet. Honestly, I wished that we could’ve had the wedding prep in time for spring. That would’ve been ideal.” 

“You could still have an outdoor wedding. Summertime is good for that.” 

“My mother would have an absolute fit if I tried to suggest that.” Yuta chuckled. 

“Well, it’s not her wedding it’s yours.” 

Taeyong truly did feel more like a friend than a wedding planning sometimes. Yuta guessed it was because he always seemed to have Yuta’s best interest at hand, instead of what would make him the most money. 

“I think she’s living vicariously through it. My father and she never had a ceremony. She was the same with my eldest sister’s wedding.” Yuta said. 

“Oh trust me, I’ve dealt with it plenty of times before. Parents naturally project on to their children, but some don’t know when to pull back.” Taeyong spoke, and he sounded so wise for someone who was the same age as Yuta. 

“That’s smart, I guess I never thought about it that way.” 

Taeyong smiled, laughing lightly. “Thank you.” 

“Can I ask you.. a question?” 

“Sure, shoot.” 

Yuta frowned deeply, trying to articulate his words before speaking. 

“Do you think that marriage is something that you have to go into knowing everything about the other person?” Yuta asked. 

“Well,” Taeyong nodded, “I see what you’re saying. Marriage relies on commitment and also trying to understand your partner, but I think there are plenty of things that you’ll learn later on in marriage about each other. I think that’s normal.” 

“And marriage is built on a firm foundation of love.” He added. 

Love. Yuta thought, almost mockingly, he was unable to tell if there was such a thing as true love or unconditional love in this world, but he knew that it could at least be earned. With time. 

“In my family, marriage is viewed more as a business merger. That’s what my parents have prepared me for, since I was young.” Yuta said, and twisted his lips into a scowl for a second, then relaxed his face back to normal, taking in a deep breath. 

“But, of course, love is important in any marriage.” Yuta added on, nodding. 

“Love can bloom anywhere.” Taeyong shrugged. 

Yuta gave him a small smile, and nodded. 

They went back to working in silence, but Yuta couldn’t stay on task. Instead, he kept zoning out the window, unable to stop his mind from drifting again. 

Yuta had been reminded by the wall clock that usually around this time Doyoung would text him and ask if he wanted to meet for lunch since he had a gap between his morning and afternoon classes. Instead, his phone stayed dormant beside him, with no notifications coming to the screen. 

It was hard to ignore how much was changed. Yuta had expected Doyoung to try harder to contact him, but clearly the other man didn’t have that in mind. Yuta hated himself for wondering if he was just trying to give Yuta space to cool down. 

Whatever it was, Yuta didn’t want to continue thinking about it. 

  
  
  


-

  
  


Formal events truly weren’t Yuta’s taste anymore. He sighed for what must’ve been the third time that night alone, bored as ever in the lobby of a large theater, waiting for the ballet to start. 

Yuta had already asked Jaehyun if it was really mandatory, who had told Yuta that they only had to maintain and keep this act up as long as they were engaged, and it would be different when the marriage was finalized. 

There was a table of refreshments and snacks that people were sampling from, but Yuta had neither interest nor appetite for that, given the company that he was with. 

It had already been enough when they had shared a car with Jaehyun’s parents on the ride over to put Yuta in a bad mood. It’s not like his own parents weren’t enough to deal with as well, but it seemed like neither Yuta nor Jaehyun’s parents would ever have their actual best interest at heart. 

Yuta was committed to staying right by Jaehyun’s side for the evening, practically glued to his arm the entire time. 

Yuta hadn’t seen him since he’d left Jaehyun’s dorm room two days ago, but he had made sure to text and call whenever Jaehyun was free, just to check in and see how he was doing, and to make sure he wasn’t getting drunk to cope with the stress of it either. 

It reassured Yuta to see Jaehyun in person again, and—completely sober. 

Yuta didn’t feel unmatched style-wise at his fiancé’s side for once, this time he too was wearing formal attire. He had brushed off one of his suit jackets just for the occasion, and pinned part of his hair back since it was getting rather unkempt and long. 

They had floated around the room, both quiet and obviously unhappy to be there. The inside of the theater lobby was rather beautiful and eccentric of course, Yuta was not one to fail to appreciate beautiful art in architecture, but all the gold and marble weren’t enough to make up for the fact that they had basically been guilted by Jaehyun’s mother into coming to the event. 

“I haven’t been to a ballet since age 10, I think.” Yuta muttered in Jaehyun’s direction. 

“My parents make me go every year. But this is the first time they’ve invited you to come with, I guess because the wedding is so soon.” 

“God, does that mean I’ll have to go every year now too?” Yuta whined. 

Jaehyun just chuckled, placing a hand at Yuta’s lower back. 

“No, I won’t make you do anything you don't want to.” 

“Do you enjoy ballet?” Yuta asked, curious. 

“Absolutely not. It’s boring.” Jaehyun furrowed his brows, a smile tugging at his lips. 

Yuta smiled then, finding joy in the fact that they shared that in common. 

He spotted Jaehyun’s mother making her way over to them, and his smile faded right away. She was dressed in a cream-colored coat, with expensive jewelry and hairpins to decorate her appearance further. Yuta thought she looked more like a glorified ornament. 

With her face pulled into a tight and stiff smile, she moved closer and fastened an arm around Jaehyun’s. Yuta grew irritated, as he was holding Jaehyun’s other arm and he thought it was rather rude of her to pull on his arm when Yuta was right there. 

“Have you tried some of the hors d'oeuvres yet, dear? They’re lovely.” 

“No, mother, I haven’t yet,” Jaehyun said. 

“Oh, well you have to. Your father is over there already talking with Dr. Frauzen, a colleague and contact from Germany, you ought to go introduce yourself.” Jaehyun’s mother pulled her face into an even tighter smile, clearly meaning business. 

Yuta wondered how a person could be so fake. For all the years he had known her, he thought her overbearing behavior was something that came with good intentions, but it was obvious that he had made the cruel mistake of misreading her completely. She used her kindness as a mask, it was a way of manipulation. 

“I’m with Yuta right now, mother,” Jaehyun said, in a rather unappetizing tone. 

“I know, it’ll only take a minute. I’ll keep Yuta company.” 

Yuta looked to Jaehyun as if to say don’t go, but Jaehyun only stared back with an apologetic expression. He detached himself from Yuta’s side and made his way over to where his father was standing laughing with a group of men. 

He had been so busy watching Jaehyun leave that he hadn’t even realized Jaehyun’s mother had moved forward in front of him. 

“It’s so nice to see you two so close, finally.” She spoke suddenly, “it’s what we’ve all wanted for so long.” 

The words sent a weird chill down Yuta’s spine, once again met with the unnatural truth that what Jaehyun and him had was cultivated partially by their parents. It was never good to be reminded of. 

Instead, Yuta just smiled and nodded. 

“He’s distracted by you a lot lately.” She spoke again, this time her voice didn’t sound as polite and it caught Yuta off guard. He’d never heard that tone from the usually bubbly woman before. 

“Yeah, things changed between us.” Yuta replied, not bothering to make eye contact with her. He didn’t care how rude it made him seem, frankly, he had no desire to be polite with her now that he knew of her true nature underneath the mask. 

“I don’t think I’ve seen him this lovesick though.” She giggled, and it was an almost artificial sound coming from her. 

Yuta finally turned and made eye contact, an unimpressed look on his face. 

“He still makes time for school, if that’s what you’re concerned about.” Yuta replied, returning the fake smile with his own. 

“Oh darling, don’t feel threatened. I’m not worried about that. I know that you will be a good husband and respect the time he’ll have to put in for work.” She patted Yuta’s shoulder softly, and Yuta wanted to recoil from the touch. 

“Mhm, right.” Yuta said dismissively, and turned away from her again, “I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be back.” He said, as he needed an excuse to get away from her. 

Instead, her long mauve-colored fingernails gripped at his suit jacket, keeping him back. 

“One more thing dear...you can always ask me questions if you need to. I want the two of us to be on good terms as—your future mother-in-law.” She said, as if reminding them of their future connection. 

“Thank you.” Yuta forced himself to say, a pit of disgust forming in his stomach as he did. 

Yuta didn’t say another word to her, just turned on his heels and walked away. He didn’t even notice Jaehyun’s head turn to watch him leave the room. 

  
  
  


-

  
  


The ballet was as insufferable as Yuta had expected. He tried his best to focus on the talent of the dancers, but it wasn’t enough to distract him from his intrusive thoughts about Jaehyun’s scheming parents sitting right beside them. 

Jaehyun sensed that Yuta’s mood changed, and reached across the seat handle that was separating them to place a hand over where Yuta’s hand was resting on his lap. 

The sound of the orchestra grew louder and louder, and Yuta leaned over and Jaehyun met him in the middle. 

“Are you enjoying this?” Yuta asked, feeling Jaehyun’s long and elegant fingers entangle his own. 

“I’ve seen this exact performance of swan lake before, so, not really.” Jaehyun replied, unable to prevent his smile at Yuta’s obvious suffering. 

The dim light in the room only accentuated Jaehyun’s jaw and curved smile, and Yuta’s heart bloomed at the close proximity of their faces. 

Yuta was drawn out of his daze by the loud sound of the orchestra music progressing, and he sighed, trying to turn his attention back towards the play. 

He had just leaned his head back against the seat when he noticed Jaehyun’s mother had turned her head to glance at them. It felt so stuffy in the room all of a sudden, like he could hardly breathe under her gaze. 

“I’m going to the bathroom.” Yuta mumbled. 

“Again?” Jaehyun asked, whispering a bit louder than he should. 

“I don’t want to keep sitting here. I’ll come back soon.” 

“I’ll come with you.” Jaehyun said, and Yuta couldn’t hold back a scoff at that. 

“Jaehyun, stop, you’ll get in trouble if you leave with me, that’s too obvious.” Yuta reminded him, as he began to sit up. 

Yuta made his way down the aisle, and was sure that Jaehyun wasn’t following him. 

Until he heard the rustling of people behind him again and turned around to see his fiancé doing the same. Even in the poorly lit room he could see that Jaehyun’s mother had his eyes on them. 

“What are you doing?” Yuta whispered once they were free from the aisle and making their way to the exit. 

“I’m coming with you, like I said.” 

“We’re both gonna get blamed for ditching.” 

“It’s almost over. And I can come up with an excuse.” 

They pushed out the doors, and the lobby was significantly empty and cold compared to the stuffy and crowded theater. 

“I want to go eat someplace anyways. I’m starving.” Jaehyun grinned at the way that Yuta dropped his mouth at him. 

“Who are you, and what have you done with the Jaehyun I know?” 

“You just bring out my bad side I guess.” Jaehyun teased, and they both laughed, not caring about the looks they gained from the guests in the lobby. 

“What possible excuse could you come up with?” 

“Could just say that your heat came early.” Jaehyun muttered, earning a glare and a shoulder punch from Yuta. 

“Shut up. Don’t you dare.” 

“It would work. I doubt they’d ask any questions.” 

“I’d forever be branded as the omega that made their son leave in the middle of swan lake.” Yuta complained further, as he panicked inside about how his own mother would react to this whole situation. 

“Fine.” Jaehyun chuckled as they turned the corner and made their way outside. 

“I’ll tell them the truth. I’ve seen that damn ballet too many times.” 

  
  


-

  
  


They made their way to a small restaurant which was one of the only ones left open, and due to close within an hour. Jaehyun chose to have them sit at a booth in the back. 

Yuta was surprised when Jaehyun sat on his side of the booth, as he hadn’t expected to be sitting this close in a restaurant with an empty booth across from them. It seemed like Jaehyun had to sit that close to him, Yuta smiled at the thought. 

After Jaehyun politely ordered the food for them, Yuta shrugged his uncomfortable suit jacket off, setting it down onto the booth.

“We’re a bit overdressed for a noodle shop.” He explained as he felt Jaehyun’s eyes on him. 

Yuta rolled the sleeves of his white shirt up and tucked his hair back behind his ears. 

“What?” He asked finally when Jaehyun didn’t say anything, letting a small laugh slip out along with his words. 

“Doesn’t this feel like it could be a first date?” Jaehyun muttered, avoiding Yuta’s eyes. 

“What a rascal you are, you have to at least formally ask me first.” Yuta chuckled. 

Jaehyun shrugged, putting his arm around the booth, near Yuta’s shoulder. Smooth.

“You want our first date to be when we ditched a ballet?” Yuta grinned, “I guess I don’t ditch with just… anyone.” 

Jaehyun’s large palm finds its way to Yuta’s thigh under the table, patting the inner part of his thigh and then leaving his hand there. 

“I’m glad to know that I’m not just anyone.” Jaehyun teased.

“Yeah, I guess I must really like you.” Yuta said, biting his lip afterward.

Yuta swallowed visibly at the way Jaehyun’s eyes lingered over his lips a little too long, and Jaehyun obviously knew he had been caught staring from the way he glanced away again. 

The restaurant is almost empty, and most of them are too absorbed in their own agenda to spot the two men who are entangled and infatuated with each other in a booth at the very back. It felt as though the mood had suddenly changed from playful to something much more serious. 

“I was going to say thank you. For coming tonight even when I know you didn’t want to. Just you being by my side is enough for me.” Jaehyun said, and his eyes seemed to glimmer in the rather warm lighting of the restaurant. 

“Jaehyun..” Yuta trailed off, at a loss for words.

Those long slender fingers of Jaehyun’s moved up to brush the bangs from Yuta’s face, tucking his hair back. They slid further down, lodged between Yuta’s ear and neck. 

Yuta took it as a sign, and pushed forward, almost connecting his lips with Jaehyun’s and waiting for him to make the first move. 

He stared in confusion at the taller man when he didn’t make any movements and didn’t connect their lips. Yuta could feel his hot breath against his lips yet nothing came closer. 

“No one is looking,” Yuta said, nudging his nose against the side of Jaehyun’s cheek, where his face was turned away, “if you are going to spoil me with sweet talk, at least let me return the favor in ways that I can.”

Jaehyun laughed awkwardly, glancing down at the table. 

“I’m afraid I’m not the best with affection in public. Hand-holding and stuff is fine but.. kissing and hugging are a bit much.” 

Yuta scoffed, as he already knew that much. Jaehyun was very different with affection in private compared to in public, but Yuta was not the same. He enjoyed being shown off as someone’s in public. 

“I can try to be patient, I guess,” Yuta flicked his eyes over Jaehyun, “as long as you can too.” 

“Yuta—it’s not that I don’t want to touch you, I promise, I do.” Jaehyun replied, his voice against Yuta’s ear. 

“You seem pretty good with self-control, I don’t know.” Yuta shrugged, well aware that he was being dramatic. When he turned his face away from Jaehyun, he smiled. 

Jaehyun slapped his hand down against Yuta’s thigh, gripping again, much harder than the soft way he’d touched him before, and Yuta, with his inner drama queen slipping out, yelped out loud. 

“What was that for?” Yuta asked, forming a scowl. 

“Your bad attitude,” Jaehyun replied, a confident smirk on his face. 

“If you’re gonna do it, then make it harder than that.” Yuta mocked, and the giddy pair couldn’t contain their deep laughter. 

Their food came finally, and Yuta composed himself, moving his leg away from the taller man’s touch, but Jaehyun’s palm followed his leg under the table. 

“Well, if you are into that, of course it can be arranged.” Jaehyun continued, the mischievous smirk and glint in his eyes made Yuta realize he’d awoken a monster within the other man. 

“Can I eat my noodles in peace?” Yuta said, scoffing lightly,“first you’re not into public affection, but now you’re making sexual innuendos? Are you an exhibitionist deep down?” 

Jaehyun laughed rather hard at that comment, covering his forehead with his hand. The tips of his ears were a bit pink, Yuta noted upon observation. 

“Oh, you totally are.” Yuta widened his eyes, playing up the act. 

“I’m not.” Jaehyun protested, between laughter. 

“I won’t give you a lap dance here, Jaehyun. Even if you ask nicely.” Yuta turned back to his food, ignoring Jaehyun’s pinkish ears and smug grin. 

  
  


-

The walk up to Yuta’s apartment was rather nice, Jaehyun insisting that he walk Yuta up to his door to bid him goodnight. 

Yuta challenged Jaehyun to chase up the staircase to his apartment floor after him until they were both out of breath. 

“I won.” Yuta said with glee. 

“We got here at the same time.” Jaehyun said, backing Yuta to the wall. 

“No, I got here before you. Admit your loss.” Yuta grinned, and his hands came in contact with the cold concrete wall behind him. 

“What’s your prize then anyway? Just bragging rights?” Jaehyun said, and Yuta could feel his competitive nature coming out.

“Not bragging rights, but now, I know I’m faster than you.” 

“I’d like to request a rematch.” 

Yuta tsked, brushing Jaehyun’s shoulder off with his hand. 

“Maybe some other time.” 

“You’re too busy for me?” Jaehyun smirked, and then his chest was pressed against the smaller man’s, and he had him cornered. Yuta had nowhere to turn his face except to the side, in order to look away. 

“Sorry, Jung, but I’ve got better things to do.” Yuta giggled, breaking his ‘character.’ 

Jaehyun watched Yuta’s eyes widen when he brought his hand to cup his cheek, and noticed the faint flush that crept across his cheeks and neck. 

“Hyung, I promise I can be worth your while.” Jaehyun chuckled after speaking, and Yuta rolled his eyes. 

“God, you’re so lucky that you’re so handsome. Because you’re a terrible flirt, and—“ 

Yuta was cut off, by Jaehyun’s lips attacking his own. Yuta’s groan is muffled by their lips meeting. Yuta tightened a hand around the back of Jaehyun’s neck, feeling the warm skin. 

He flushed at the feeling of Jaehyun’s large hands holding him up by his lower back. Yuta kissed back slowly as well, trying to meet the gentle pace Jaehyun set. 

Jaehyun pulled away first, breath fanning out against Yuta’s wetted lips. He pulled Yuta away from the wall, lifting him up in doing so and earning a squeal from the other man. 

“You said you’re the winner, yet it feels more like I got the prize.” Jaehyun said, voice low and deep against Yuta’s ear. 

“It doesn’t stop with you.” Yuta mumbled, looking away from Jaehyun with his newly bruised lips, thanks to Yuta’s desperation. 

“Are my flirting skills poor enough that my chances of a second date with you are ruined?” Jaehyun asked. 

Yuta turned away from him, a smirk on his face as he didn’t answer his question. Yuta began to walk up the stairs when he felt a hand grab his wrist, 

“Maybe if you asked formally.” Yuta teased, ruffling Jaehyun’s hair with a hand and in return receiving his narrowed eyes. 

“Will you go on another date with me? A real one.” 

“Fine,” Yuta smiled, glancing down at his feet, “I’d be happy to go on a real one with you.” 

They both continued up the steps, out into the hallway and towards Yuta’s apartment door. 

Yuta’s smile immediately faltered when he spotted the figure in front of his apartment door. Somewhat tall, black hair, his shaky hands clenched together out of a nervous habit from years ago. It was Doyoung. Yuta clenched his throat, instantly feeling a hand meet his waist. 

“What’s he doing here? You didn’t invite him, right?” Jaehyun asked in a hushed voice, only looking at Yuta when Doyoung was right there in front of them. 

“No,” Yuta said, looking directly at the man in front of them, “I didn’t.” 

“Yuta..” Doyoung’s voice sounded weary, and it trembled, “please, I wanted to wait to talk to you, and I wanted to try to do it in person. If you’ll just let me explain.” 

“Are you drunk or something?” Yuta asked, venom in his voice. 

“No!” Doyoung exclaimed, “I just.. wanted to come and explain everything to you. Even if it means you don’t want to ever see me again afterwards. Please.” 

It was what Yuta had been hoping for, deep down. He wanted a real explanation from Doyoung, even if it was painful for him. He decided that he at least needed that closure. 

“Jaehyun, I think I should.. talk.. with him.” Yuta whispered, looking away from Doyoung again. He could see from the corner of his eye that the man had a rather hopeful look on his face now. 

“You should. I’ll go now. If you need anything at all, I can come right back.” Jaehyun said, and Yuta nodded in response. The taller man leaned down and pressed his lips to Yuta’s forehead. Jaehyun then gave his waist one last squeeze, and turned to walk away. 

“Text me when you get home.” Yuta called after him, turning back around, not wanting to watch him leave again. 

Doyoung stood, frozen in front of the door. Yuta scoffed, realizing it reminded him of when Jaehyun had shown up unannounced. Perhaps he could’ve chosen an apartment with better security. He made a mental note to remind the front desk to do a better job of watching who was coming and going.

Yuta opened his door, and then gestured with his arm for Doyoung to come inside. 

“I want to thank you, for letting me talk, and not shutting the door on me. I really appreciate it, after everything that went down at the party.” Doyoung spoke, in a small voice. 

“You can have 10 minutes to explain.” Yuta answered flatly, leading them into the living room. “No, first things first, tell me how this all started. Have you two liked each other since before I dated him? Or?” 

“No, no—It was never like that.” Doyoung shook his head. 

“Then what was it like?” Yuta snapped. 

“We were only friends when you dated him. And then when you broke up, I was angry for you—but he wouldn’t stop saying he was going to try to patch things up with you. So I did my best to keep you two seperate, and to make sure he didn’t show up and upset you more or anything, and—“ 

“You fell in love with him while trying to do that.” Yuta finished. 

“Hyung, please, let me try to explain.” 

Yuta did nod, swallowing. He realized that his bitterness was getting in the way of his consciousness, not allowing him to properly act like himself or be mature about the entire situation. 

“He told me that, the only reason he wasn’t completely in the relationship, was because he believed that he’d never actually be with you, because you were always going to end up with Jaehyun. Which is why he did what he did, and while he has no excuse, I think that’s the way that he coped with it.” 

Yuta flickered his gaze away from Doyoung, and considered it over in his mind. Yuta had always been distant in that relationship at times where he was brought back to reality, which was that he would be wed to Jaehyun one day. 

But it still didn’t excuse what Johnny had done. 

“I don’t know what continued to bring me back to him. But he kept saying that I was the only person, the only friend he had left. It worried me. And, you of all people know how I feel like it’s my job to take care of almost everyone.” 

“Everyone but yourself.” Yuta added, because even in a moment like this, Yuta still knew Doyoung. He still remembered everything about him, and most of all—Yuta still loved him. 

“I was worried for him, and then he was suddenly worried for me.. and it just became a vicious cycle. Somewhere on the line we both became lonely enough that we.. got involved romantically. It’s not a healthy relationship, we just.. we only have each other to fill that void of loneliness we both share. That’s all it ever was about.” Doyoung bit his lip, frowning deeply now. 

“Oh. I see.” Yuta said flatly, not knowing what else to say to the man in front of him. 

It was clear that Doyoung had been placed in a position where he felt like he had no one else, but Yuta still couldn’t understand what would bring him to be with Johnny even when he knew of the history that Yuta shared with that man. 

“You couldn’t have found anyone else? It had to be him? And you had to put his feelings over mine as well?” Yuta cried out, suddenly enraged by the whole thing after he’d taken the time to process it. 

“I’m sorry. It was wrong. I know now. I can’t ever make it up to you. Or lying to you about it.” Doyoung pleaded. 

“Sure. It really does show that you only apologized after you got caught.” Yuta stood up from the couch, covering his mouth with his hand. 

“I—I was only hiding it to protect you from the pain, I’m sorry.” Doyoung swallowed, evidently nervous. 

“That’s.. that’s enough. I think I’ve heard enough and I want to be alone now.” 

“Yuta, please, I want to make it right.” 

“You can make it right by walking out the door, and leaving me alone.” Yuta snapped, walking to the door and opening it for him. 

Doyoung seemed near to tears as well, and he slowly walked to the door, as if that was going to make Yuta change his mind. 

“No matter what, I still love you. You were my best friend.” Doyoung said, teary eyes and standing in Yuta’s door frame. 

Yuta didn’t answer, just stared blankly at the trembling figure of his former best friend, and slammed the door shut. 

As soon as it was shut, he broke down, tears streaming down his cheeks and his vision blurring. Yuta gripped the counter, trying to hold himself together but failing. 

The pain was an understatement, it felt like he’d been stabbed in the back, and then forced to remove the knife slowly all while staring at the person who’d stabbed him. He was sick to his stomach. 

Slowly, he sank to the floor, his own crying sounded broken and desperate. Yuta only wanted to feel happy again, to feel okay. 

His first instinct is to call Jaehyun, but he talks himself out of it, knowing that it would be selfish to call him so late and make him come over just for his own comfort. Yuta wasn’t sure when he had become dependent on Jaehyun for comfort, but it was obvious that he had. 

He knew only time could heal his emotions, not someone else. And that’s all he could hope for now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for all the angst, gosh!! 
> 
> i know i dealt with a tricky topic of addiction here but i tried to do it justice because i know that performance drug addiction is a very serious and dangerous thing. 
> 
> anyways, i hope you guys didn’t lose interest with how long that took to upload!! 
> 
> lol, jaehyun and yuta had 3 kisses in this chapter.. honestly just shows that their sexual desire isn’t going anywhere till that gets dealt with.. 
> 
> as always leave any thoughts below! i hope you guys stay safe!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! i hope you’re all staying safe and thank you for even more kudos and comments. i’m so thankful for each and every one of you. i really did not expect this feedback on a fic which is unbeta’d and a chaptered fic. 
> 
> enjoy ❤️

The arrival of the month of May brought more warmth and growth in life, with the season preparing to transition from spring to summer with time, it felt like things were going faster than the slow and cold months of April and March. 

Yuta had started an online introductory class after enrolling in one of the art colleges in the city, just to prepare himself for taking classes later that fall. He had also kept himself busy with wedding plans and, much to his own denial, he had begun to pack up his apartment because he’d been reminded by his mother _,_ that once he was married, he’d be living with Jaehyun. It was tradition, and their parents wouldn’t be satisfied having it any other way. 

Even with all this keeping him busy, Yuta still made time to call occasionally with his fiancé when he wasn’t busy. They rarely had any time to see each other face to face as of late, and when they did it was brief. Yuta longed deeply to be with Jaehyun again for longer than 20 minutes. 

Yuta had been invited, by Taeyong, to a restaurant to sample their catering. He had also been told to bring anyone else along whom he wanted to include, and Yuta hadn’t wanted to show up alone, so he had invited—more like forced—his eldest sister Hikaru to come along. 

He knew that his sister had locked herself away, busy with marital duties and being committed to ‘self-care’ and ‘self-learning’ as she reminded Yuta she practiced, but he had begged her not to make him look like an extreme loner in front of his wedding planner. 

They were on the third, or maybe fourth, Yuta couldn’t be bothered to remember, sample of wedding cake. Yuta had been excited to see what they were offering for deserts because their appetizers and entrees had proven to be quite promising. 

Hikaru glanced at Yuta’s nearly empty plate and giggled. Yuta slowly turned to look at his sister, a blank stare on his face. 

Both Taeyong and Hikaru had already put their forks down, but Yuta was still eating.

“What? Why are you staring?” Yuta asked. 

“You know, you _don’t_ have to eat the entire slice. It’s just a sample.” Hikaru said as if she was informing him. 

Yuta rolled his eyes, his eldest sister was always overbearing, and a know-it-all as well. 

“I know that. But it’s a waste. Also, we are paying to sample their food, so.” 

“May I interject?” Taeyong asked, a gentle smile on his face. 

The two siblings turned to look at Taeyong, whom they’d both forgotten was even there due to their bickering. 

“Although you and I don’t share the same urges,” Taeyong gestured to Hikaru, “at a certain age, usually staring at mid or early 20s, omegas gain weight after or before heats.” 

Yuta flushed bright pink, and an awkward laugh slipped out. He had just finished his heat a couple of days ago, and Taeyong’s had solved his problem with a few words. Yuta had been confused as to why he was unable to stop eating everything in front of him. He had only put on a bit of weight around the area of his thighs, and perhaps his abs had become less defined, but since his heat was over he’d been able to get into the gym again and stay in shape, to battle all the carb-loading he kept doing, unintentionally. 

“I don’t think that’s it, Taeyong! I just.. I just didn’t want to waste this.” Yuta said, pushing the plate away from him now. He didn’t want to _admit_ it, even if Taeyong was right. Talking about heat around an alpha and beta was pointless. 

“I wasn’t trying to embarrass you, Yuta, I just wanted to offer a bit of scientific intel into your conversation. A healthy weight gain is normal because after or before a heat, the omega is preparing for the chance of carrying children. Nothing wrong with it.” Taeyong said, and it was impossible to be angry at him, even when he rambled about omega biology when he had such a sweet smile as he did. Yuta had learned that Taeyong had a way of being blunt with his words, even if they were embarrassing. 

“Who would’ve known a wedding planner would know so much about omega health? Taeyong, you are so well educated. Once again, I wish Yuta found you before my wedding, it was a total _disaster,_ with the planner I had for it.” Hikaru shook her head, taking a sip of her sparkling champagne. 

“I’m sure if you asked mother for another one, she’d arrange it for you.” Yuta said and earned a push at his shoulder, rightfully so. 

“You guys are both so different from my older sister and me—in a good way, I mean.” Taeyong said, some laughter in his voice. 

“Oh, you have an older sister?” Yuta asked, since this was the first he’d heard of it. 

“Yeah, but she permanently resides in Japan. I was visiting her too, there, actually when you and I met, Yuta.” Taeyong spoke in a pensive tone, and Yuta felt as if he may have struck a chord by asking about her. 

“We’re probably the closest sibling duo in our family. Because when our little sister was born, Yuta and I had already been with each other for a couple of years. Then the new baby got all the attention, so we kind of bonded over jealousy.” Hikaru explained, a gentle side smile tugging at her face. 

Yuta nodded in agreement. It had been months since he’d even been in contact with his youngest sister. She kept a pretty big distance from the family, but he expected her to be at his wedding. Yuta didn’t exactly blame her for the distance either, he would stay far away from his family if he could too. 

“That’s nice.” Taeyong said, with a slight nod. 

The rest of the appointment went rather well, as they stayed off the topic of the wedding and more stories of childhood or gossip, along with sampling more food than was needed. Taeyong got along perfectly fine with Hikaru and Yuta was pleased that he’d been able to have a fun time with both his sister and his wedding planner. 

  
  


-

  
  
  


“It’s still scorching at the bottom of the pan.” Yuta complained, with his phone tucked between his ear and shoulder as he attempted to scrape the sauce from where it was sticking to the pan. 

He’d gotten home from the catering testing a couple of hours ago and hadn’t had a chance to eat _actual_ dinner yet, so Yuta had tried to cook something up. 

Yuta wasn’t even sure what he was trying to make, but it certainly wasn’t going his way at all. Halfway through cooking, Jaehyun had called like he usually did around 8 pm, and Yuta had rushed to his room to answer his phone, and that’s when the food had gone wrong completely. 

“Did you add more oil? And turn the heat down?” Jaehyun asked, and Yuta could almost hear the way he was preventing himself from laughing. 

“I’ll do that.” Yuta mumbled, stirring frantically with his spatula. 

Yuta turned the flame down, trying to work fast all while keeping his phone tucked into his neck was quite a challenge. 

He was eventually able to salvage the meat and vegetables, sliding all the food onto the plate and sighing deeply. It had taken a toll on him for sure. 

“So, how was your day?” Yuta said, now that he was finally sitting down and able to hold his phone with one hand as he ate. 

“Chaotic as usual. I can’t wait for summer break, really.” Jaehyun said, and Yuta could hear rustling on the other end which he was sure was the sound of Jaehyun getting into bed. 

“Are you going to sleep already?” Yuta asked, smiling as he spoke. 

“No, I’m talking to you right now.”

“Shut up.” 

“How about your day? Did the catering sampling go well?” Jaehyun asked, and Yuta was quite pleased that he had bothered to remember. The last few times Yuta had brought up details about the wedding over the phone, Jaehyun had entirely forgotten them the next day. 

“Good,” Yuta paused, debating if he wanted to share the scientific information that his wedding planner had bombed on him or not, “my sister told me I was eating too much of the cake.” Yuta decided against talking about it, as he’d embarrassed himself enough for one day. 

“Hikaru and you are always attacking each other. Makes it awkward for everyone else.” Jaehyun said, with a chuckle. 

“We are _not..._ at least, not all the time. I think.” Yuta said, voice faltering a bit at the end.

“Nothing wrong with a bit of sibling rivalry. I guess.” 

“Yeah, except I’m always the winner.” 

“You’re pretty competitive.” Jaehyun said. 

“I sure am,” Yuta replied, swallowing another bite of food. 

There was a long pause of silence, and Yuta drank from his water cup, tucking a piece of fallen hair out of the way of his mouth. 

“I miss seeing your face.” Jaehyun muttered in a low voice, and it was enough to make Yuta put his fork down. 

“Is that all?” Yuta teased. 

Jaehyun made a ‘hm,’ sound, and Yuta nibbled down on his lower lip. 

“No, you want more?” Jaehyun asked, and the pitch of his voice raised. 

“I miss holding you, I miss hearing your high-pitched giggles, I miss seeing the way your nose scrunches when you dislike the way something tastes or smells, your soft sighing when you’re bored or I’m teasing you too much—“ 

“Alright.. alright, you’ve proven your point.” Yuta cut him off, already blushing, he was glad that Jaehyun couldn’t see him through the phone. 

“So let me see you.” Jaehyun said, blunt as ever. 

“When?” 

“This Friday. I want to take you out, on a date. For real this time.” 

Jaehyun had been asking to take Yuta out for quite some time now, yet neither of their schedules had matched up. Yuta paused to try to consider if he had anything coming up that Friday, but luckily, he was certain that he didn’t have anything to do. 

“Where do you plan on taking me?” Yuta asked, deciding that he had the right to know. 

“It’s a surprise.” 

“I hate surprises.” 

“You’ll have to learn to like them.” Jaehyun hummed after he spoke. 

“It’s not fun. How am I supposed to know what to wear? Or if I should bring a coat?” Yuta whined out. 

“You’ll look lovely no matter what you wear—and bring a coat.” Jaehyun said, and Yuta could tell he was smirking. 

“Now, dearest, I believe I’m falling asleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Yuta scoffed lowly at the uncharacteristic nickname which he recalled his father had used to use for his mother when she was being unreasonable, not that Jaehyun knew that of course, but it still reminded Yuta of such behavior. 

“Jaehyun—“ Yuta protested since he still had more questions even though he was bidding goodbye. 

“Get some rest. You’ll need it.” 

The line beeped, signaling Jaehyun had hung up. Yuta’s mouth hung open as he pulled his phone away from his ear, in shock at the last few words Jaehyun had said to him. 

_You’ll need it._

  
  


-

  
  
Friday came around sooner than Yuta was prepared for. He was able to fit in a workout in the morning, then go home and finish some necessary spring cleaning for his apartment. 

Yuta kept the windows open since the day was nice enough and the fresh air felt good on his skin. 

It was already mid-afternoon when he decided it was time to start getting ready. 

Yuta scrubbed himself clean in the shower, washing his hair as well since he wanted to be absolutely squeaky clean. 

After he was done in the shower, Yuta went to apply lotion onto his legs. There was a bit of stubble growing now that he’d quit going to waxing appointments. 

He flushed a light pink as he remembered how Jaehyun had felt up his smooth legs and seemed to really, _really_ enjoy the fact that they were smooth. 

With a grimace at himself, Yuta bent down to the cabinet under the sink and pulled a razor out. 

Sure, perhaps it was the idea of the attention that it would draw if the date led to other things later on, but Yuta couldn’t resist the temptation. 

Once he was done with his body, after getting back into the shower to shave and then once again applying lotion to his legs, Yuta was prepared to deal with his wet hair, which naturally fell into a frizzy and curly mess when he didn’t blow it dry or straighten it. 

Before he tackled that mess, Yuta decided to brush some shimmery brown shadow over his eye, and on his waterline as well, accentuating his eyes in doing so. A bit of black eyeliner, just the most subtle touch, finished it off. 

His hair took longer to style than he had planned, even after blowing it dry and trying to leave it natural, he still had to pull it back with pins in order to keep it out of his eyes. Yuta truly was thinking of cutting it off. 

He wanted to look nice. Regardless of how much Jaehyun would care, he still wanted to feel confident. Yuta also suspected they’d be going someplace with a dress code, as he knew of Jaehyun’s expensive taste. 

Aside from the time-consuming act of doing his hair, Yuta had picked out an outfit with time to spare. He wore an iridescent mesh shirt, which was dark enough that only in certain lights you could tell the fabric, due to the gold color it reflected, a fitted light grey jacket accompanied with the shirt, and black jeans completed the entire look. 

He felt satisfied finally, finished with getting ready and quite pleased that he’d been able to do his own styling. 

  
  


-

  
  


Yuta made sure to text Jaehyun and tell him when he arrived rather than to come up to his apartment door, he didn’t want to deal with the hassle of him coming all the way upstairs. 

Jaehyun was right on time, and Yuta felt oddly anxious and nervous as he made his way downstairs, since he had no idea what to expect. 

He was parked out in the front of Yuta’s apartment building, back with the sports car that Yuta knew rather well. 

Seeing the handsome familiar face of Jaehyun leaned against the car instantly brought joy to Yuta, who had practically bounded down the steps of his apartment in order to get to Jaehyun as fast as possible. 

Jaehyun’s eyes scanned him up and down, and then he removed his hands from the pockets of his slacks, moving forward. Yuta had barely been able to take in the other man’s appearance before Jaehyun wrapped an arm around his shoulder, bringing him in for a hug, much to Yuta’s surprise. 

“We’re in public, you know.” Yuta murmured against his shoulder, returning the gesture nonetheless. He could feel passers-by and the valet in front of his building staring at them, but he didn’t care, he was only shocked that Jaehyun was brave enough to do so, after telling Yuta he wasn’t fond of bold affection in public. 

“I can’t help it. I’ve missed you.” Jaehyun muttered. 

They pulled away then, and Yuta was able to take in his appearance. Jaehyun looked healthier, not that Yuta hadn’t seen his face through the screen of his phone, after much persuading to get Jaehyun to send a selfie at least once every other day. 

_I’ve missed you more,_ was what Yuta wanted to say, yet couldn’t. He had somehow become shy after look that Jaehyun gave him. He wondered if his tongue had stopped working in his mouth, the sight of his lover after what felt like so long leaving him absolutely speechless. 

Jaehyun’s hair was becoming unruly unkempt, but not that Yuta minded it, he actually found it quite attractive. It seemed like he’d applied a bit of hair gel into his locks, but his hands had already combed in it thoroughly. He wore a typical button-up and suit jacket, except Yuta could see that the first few buttons were undone, showing that he was feeling a bit more carefree _._

“So,” Yuta started, once the silence between them had grown rather long, as they stared each other down, “where are you taking me?” 

“First, I thought we’d go to eat.” 

  
  
  


-

  
  


The restaurant was smaller than Yuta had expected, but the interior was still quite fancy and well-decorated. It was an Italian themed place, Yuta had gathered from the neon-sign outside and what Jaehyun had told him after he’d asked. 

They settled down into their seats, and Jaehyun removed his tight suit jacket, hanging on the back of his seat before he sat down. Yuta would’ve done the same, if it wasn’t for the fact that he’d chosen a nearly see-through fabric to wear. The suit jacket kept his look modest. 

“So, is this your version of a real date?” Yuta asked, flicking his eyes around the room. Everyone was dressed in formal attire, but the atmosphere of the room was very warm and welcoming. 

“A dinner date is a classic. Our first date was at a hole in the wall, so, I thought I’d show you I do have good taste.” Jaehyun grinned, and Yuta could feel the smugness radiating from his fiancé. Yuta laughed, a light and airy sound. 

“Of course, I knew that already. It’s not like you hide how willing you are to spend your money when you feel it’s needed.” 

“Especially on something as pretty as you.” Jaehyun said, which already caused Yuta to scrunch his nose at the _ease_ in his flirting. 

The waiter came with their menus, along with the wine selection, and Yuta already knew he had no idea what half the wine or food on the eccentric menu were. He wasn’t well-versed in Italian food, since his family had always stuck to hardcore Japanese cuisine, sometimes French, if they were feeling more adventurous. 

“I.. don’t know what to get.” Yuta confessed after a couple minutes of pretending to scan the menu. 

Jaehyun chuckled softly, then read over the menu for him. 

“Penne Alla vodka sounds nice.” Yuta said. 

“Good choice.” Jaehyun grinned, showing dimples and all. Yuta felt even warmer with Jaehyun’s eyes on him. 

After the waiter arrived back with water and took their orders, Yuta realized that he was looking forward to getting out of the crowded restaurant and being alone with the taller man again, more than would be polite to admit. 

The candle-lit atmosphere was romantic and nice, but truthfully Yuta wanted to be alone with Jaehyun again. 

“Your earrings look lovely. They compliment your shirt.” Jaehyun spoke suddenly, and Yuta glanced down at himself, as if he didn’t remember what he’d put on. 

“You pay attention to my earrings?” Yuta mused, smiling. 

“Of course I do. I always pay attention to every little detail of yours. Why else would I stare so much?” Jaehyun said, raising one eyebrow. 

“I guess you have a point.” Yuta said, trying his best to force his smile away. 

They caught up on a lot of things, while waiting for their food. Yuta explained how he was planning to attend an art college that was close to Jaehyun’s college, in the hope that they could at least see each other for lunch sometimes. 

“It’s flattering, but I do hope that isn’t your _only_ reason.” Jaehyun said, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. 

“No! It’s just.. it just worked out that way. Maybe it’s fate.” Yuta giggled. 

“I didn’t peg you to be someone who believed in fate.” Jaehyun said. 

They were abruptly interrupted by the sound of a ringer notification. Jaehyun pulled his phone from his pocket. 

“It’s just Jungwoo. I can get back to it later.” Jaehyun said, flipping the ringer on his phone to silence it. 

“Oh.” Yuta said, a bit of surprise in his tone. He didn’t want to sound too disappointed that they were still talking, Jaehyun should have friends too, of course. 

He hadn’t heard of Jungwoo in a couple months now, and Yuta still wondered if there had been something between them, or it had all been his imagination and due to overthinking. 

“Can I.. ask you something?” Yuta said, refraining from backing down from it now. It had gone on long enough, and they were at a point where Yuta knew he had the right to ask such questions, instead of wallowing in possible pointless jealousy. 

“Of course, anything.”

“I know I asked you at my sister’s wedding, and you denied it, but were you… and him.. ever a thing?” Yuta asked, unable to even put Jungwoo’s name in the sentence. He was awfully possessive in relationships. Suspicion and Jealous were rooted deep inside of him and those feelings made his stomach coil at the mere idea of Jaehyun with someone else. 

“No, we never got that far, to become something more than friends, Jaehyun laughed awkwardly then, “I mean, almost, once. But I couldn’t..perform the way that I used to be able to. Just because—I was too busy, thinking of you.” 

Yuta was confused by the way Jaehyun was avoiding the question, and the way that he seemed to be growing uncomfortable with the topic. 

“By ‘perform’ you mean what?” Yuta asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He was unsure if he wasn’t understanding the way Jaehyun was speaking or if he was missing the bigger picture. 

“I couldn’t get it up, because I was too busy thinking of you. There.” Jaehyun muttered, more mortified than Yuta had ever seen. 

Yuta hoped for both of their sakes that no one else in the restaurant had heard his confession.

“Oh my god,” Yuta said, a bit breathless, and placed a hand over his mouth. 

The fact that he’d had that much impact over someone like Jaehyun, whom he used to consider a player, was more than enough to boost Yuta’s confidence significantly.

“So, we never got as far as a drunken tumble. And we both agreed to forget about it in the morning and stay friends. He was cool with it, but he told me to hurry up and get my shit together with you.” Jaehyun said, able to speak with less embarrassment in his voice now. 

“I think it’s good that you did. I hope that the same problem doesn't arise with me.” Yuta teased the already ashamed man, taking advantage of the fact that he was for once. 

“I can assure you. It won’t.” Jaehyun said, with gritted teeth. 

They both broke into a fit of laughter after a couple of seconds of silence and pursed lips, unable to take themselves seriously. Yuta was sure the other guests at the restaurant had grown tired of their near rambunctious behavior. 

  
  


-

After finishing dinner, they argued over who was paying, Jaehyun winning after a game of rock paper scissors, and then made their way back to the car, where Jaehyun drove them further downtown to a large park. 

“Are we going on a walk in the park?” Yuta guessed again. He despised guessing nearly as much as he hated surprises. Yuta liked to be in on the information. 

“There’s an open art gallery in this park. From the city museum, I thought it might be nice to see some since it’s spring and it’s nice enough to look at an outdoor gallery.” Jaehyun gave in finally, turning to Yuta as they walked. 

Yuta smiled, happy that his guessing had finally worn Jaehyun down and that he’d been kind enough to bring them to do something that he knew Yuta would truly enjoy. 

The sun was already starting to set, since it was mid-evening, and the park was much less crowded because of it. 

“You know me well.” Yuta said, which was completely genuine, Jaehyun had somehow managed to find an activity that combined Yuta’s love for outdoors and art at the same time. 

Yuta grew more interested as they approached the many sculptures and the displays of paintings nailed on large plaques of wood, he was nearly entranced by all the work. 

“Look at this one!” Yuta smiled, and pointed at a rather confusing and abstract art picture of the human form, except the legs were all twisted and the head was in the wrong place. 

“I’m not sure what I’m looking at.” Jaehyun said, holding back a grin, and focusing his eyes. 

“That’s the point,” Yuta replied, not too snarky. 

They made their way around the free gallery, Yuta leading Jaehyun and trying to do his best to explain different art forms when he was clearly confused, even though Jaehyun claimed to understand,Yuta could read the puzzled expression on his face clear as day. It was quite cute. 

At the end of the gallery, they stood by the large statue of a human head in the shape of a skyscraper, which Jaehyun gave a huge puzzled expression at. 

“I think we should take a picture in front of this.” Yuta said, already in the process of yanking out his cellphone. 

Jaehyun made his way over, and Yuta threw an arm over his shoulder while Jaehyun’s hand gently clutched at his waist. They took a couple of pictures, Jaehyun ended up taking Yuta’s phone and controlling it, of course, in order to get the best angles. 

“The lighting isn’t too good.” Jaehyun muttered, as if speaking his thoughts. 

“It’s the memories that count.” Yuta said, with a smile, “I could look back and say.. ah, there’s me, and my lover at an art gallery.” 

“Lover?” Jaehyun said, grinning. 

“Yes.” Yuta said, pursing his lips to prevent himself from laughing. 

“I think you’d just say husband.” Jaehyun chuckled, and crossed his arms as they walked. 

“Maybe ex-boyfriend is better.” Yuta argued. 

“Oh yeah? What about, ex-lover?” Jaehyun teased, as they trudged over the grass, through the rest of the open park. 

Yuta had underestimated the taller man’s power’s of secrecy and sabotage, as he was pulled backward, nearly onto the ground, before they stumbled into one of the large trees near the back of the park, a more hidden area. 

Jaehyun had Yuta trapped against the large and fully in-bloom tree, hidden away from the rest of anyone who might pass them by, not that it was likely since there was hardly anyone around. 

Yuta was caught completely off guard by the younger, and he couldn’t lie that he felt a spike in his heart rate at the feeling of being pressed to a tree by Jaehyun. 

“Now, I have to ask again, is this your way of courting?” Yuta giggled, his voice coming out smaller than he’d like, what with Jaehyun so close to him. 

Jaehyun cupped Yuta’s cheek easily, gently touching Yuta’s skin. 

“No,” Jaehyun said, voice deep, and then he leaned close enough that their lips nearly touched, “but this is.” 

Jaehyun opened his mouth against the smaller man’s in a slow and soft kiss, Yuta’s hand flew up to grip the back of his neck, his eyelids fluttered shut as he took in what was happening, and regained control of himself. 

He found being kissed by Jaehyun comforting and had been longing to feel those lips on him again from the moment their date had started. Yuta was very in touch with his own needs, and one of them was physical affection. It was almost like a necessity to him. 

Yuta stayed quiet for a moment when Jaehyun pulled away, craving for more at the loss of contact, but also admiring the way that the strikingly handsome man was staring down at him. 

“Lovers kiss each other in public.” Yuta said, with a smirk. 

“We’re hidden here. No one can see.” Jaehyun reminded him, and Yuta resisted the urge to reach up and mess up his hair more. 

“This feels very high school to me.” Yuta scoffed, rolling his eyes then. 

“Oh, like you and I are classmates who snuck off during class to make out?” Jaehyun quipped. 

“That is oddly specific, Yuno.” Yuta said, although he was grateful that Jaehyun had understood him perfectly. He caught the glimmer in Jaehyun’s eyes at the use of that name instead of the way Yuta typically referred to him, and decided it had been worth it. 

Yuta brushed himself off, noticing that a leaf had fallen onto his shoulder in the process of being pressed to a tree. 

“Come on. I have one last thing to show you.” Jaehyun said, beckoning Yuta to follow with one hand. 

Yuta followed without words, glancing over his shoulder one last time to make sure no one had seen their rendezvous in the park. 

  
  


-

  
  
  


Yuta had managed to wiggle his hand into Jaehyun’s, interlocking their fingers on the way back to the car, he appreciated the way that Jaehyun seemed completely foreign to the concept of it, and how his ears tinted pink whenever someone stared at them as they walked.

Back in the car, Jaehyun drove a bit too fast, but Yuta had always liked it fast. Even if that was on the dangerous side. Yuta was able to stick his head out the window for a second and feel the wind on his face. 

They drove a bit out of the way of the city, into an older, wealthier neighborhood that Yuta felt like he’d seen before, in some deep and repressed memories. 

“Where are we going? Are we visiting someone?” Yuta asked, puzzled. 

“Remember, no guessing.” Jaehyun teased with a grin. 

Jaehyun had to punch in a 4-digit code in order to get past the big iron gates that guarded the property inside. It was easily hidden by large trees as well, but once they drove closer Yuta could make the outline of a very large home. 

The house was cute, but it nearly looked like two condos stacked upon each other. It was pretty large on the outside, with its grey paneling, and the giant front yard lined with a nicely groomed garden. 

Yuta noticed that the shuttered windows and porch gave it a rather old-fashioned look. A small fountain also sat in the middle of the two driveways, which led to a two-car garage. 

It was the epitome of an upper-class home. One that reminded Yuta of Jaehyun’s insane inheritance, which belonged only to him, being an only child meant he had no siblings to split it with. He was the sole heir. 

“What is this place? Who lives here?” Yuta tried again, since Jaehyun was still silent. 

“Your silence is scary, Jae.” Yuta said, a bit scolding towards the younger. 

Jaehyun chuckled at that, then got out of the car, coming over to Yuta’s side to open the door for him. 

“I’ve had my eyes on this estate for a while. It belonged to my uncle a couple of years back and has been on the market ever since.” Jaehyun spoke finally. 

“I see.” Yuta said, he realized, taking another look at the large property. Jaehyun was obviously in the process of buying it—for them. 

Yuta was unsure of how he felt about the house basically being decided for him, but at the same time, if the outside wasn’t so bad, he had hopes for the rest of it. 

The inside was just as large as the outside it seemed, even feeling bigger. There was a glass chandelier right at the front door, and it was impossible to miss. Yuta noted that there were a few ladders around, and some furniture was covered with clear plastic. 

“It’s in the process of being remodeled.” He turned to see Jaehyun, who was walking behind Yuta, and seemed to be trying to read his expressions. 

“Of course.” Yuta said, grinning. 

The living room was giant, with glass door panels leading into the large backyard. The elder was a _bit_ overwhelmed by the size of the estate. 

“Your uncle had an interesting taste.” Yuta said, glancing up at the bright orange wall in the first living room. 

“Believe me, I know. My family accuses him of being some kind of mad man all the time, he’s more.. alternative with his style than my family would prefer.” Jaehyun said, trailing close behind yuta. 

They continued to explore around the house, Yuta marveling at the large kitchen, which was fit for a world-class chef, what with all the expensive kitchen appliances that Yuta didn’t even know the name for. 

“I feel like an intruder.” Yuta muttered, as Jaehyun opened the door to the master bedroom after they’d already passed the two guest bedrooms _and_ the extra bedroom that was simply there. Yuta didn’t know what all the space was for. 

“You aren’t. It’s basically mine already anyways.” Jaehyun shrugged. 

“I had no idea you were close to your uncle.” Yuta said, his eyes traveling around the strangely decorated master bedroom, the large bed in the middle of the room was raised by wooden blocks. 

Across from it, there was a fireplace that jutted out in the room. Yuta looked up and noticed there was also a large skylight. It seemed everywhere he turned there was something else to marvel at. 

“He’s close to my father. And he has no kids of his own.” Jaehyun explained further. 

“So you became like an heir to him?” 

“Precisely.” Jaehyun said. 

Yuta felt a hand meet his hip and turned to see Jaehyun next to him. 

“Aside from the places it needs work, what do you think so far?” Jaehyun questioned, and Yuta could tell by his face that the way that he answered would be important. 

“I guess... I could envision something.. in the future here.” Yuta said, slowly. It was hard to imagine himself in the lifestyle of a big estate, sure he’d lived with his parents for a long time, but that had been different somehow, it wasn’t a home of his own.

“Let me show you something else, I’ve been working on.” Jaehyun whispered against Yuta’s ear, leaning down to do so. 

“Always with the secrets.” Yuta mumbled, shaking his head as Jaehyun led him by the hand to the lower level of the house again. 

They made their way down to a wide open basement, and then down a hallway, and it revealed an open space with many windows and lighting fixtures. The entire room had been painted stark white. 

“It’s an art room. So that if you need to work on projects in the future, you can.” Jaehyun said, gently resting his hands on both of Yuta’s arms. 

“Oh, Jaehyun. You didn’t have to.” Yuta turned around, eyebrows creased in a moment of concern. The fact that he’d been worrying about something so small at a time when he was busy enough with his own studies meant so much to Yuta, yet he had no way of expressing that.

Instead, Yuta embraced the other man in a tight hug, pulling away only to cup the side of Jaehyun’s cheek fondly. 

“I wanted to.” Jaehyun replied, and pressed a kiss to Yuta’s raised hand on the side of his face. 

“Thank you. So much.” Yuta grinned, widely. After seeing the addition of the room, Yuta could see a future where the house could be transformed into a space that could belong to him too. 

“I know that we have to move in sooner than both of us are prepared for, but, I want you to feel like you have a say in it too. If you don’t want this house, I can make a deal with my uncle and get it on the market. I don’t have any issues with that. I want you to be happy.” Jaehyun said, back to rambling with his thoughts. 

“No, no, the place isn’t what matters to me really. It’s that I’m with you.” Yuta said, and he noticed how close they were now, taking advantage of this, he pressed his forehead up against Jaehyun’s, both of their noses softly touching. 

“Are you sure?” Jaehyun asked weakly. 

“I know it. That’s all that will matter to me. It will be an adjustment for us both, but, I believe we can get through it together.” 

Jaehyun smiled at his words, seeming to be reassured by them. 

They stayed like that for a few minutes, the silence passing between them, comfortably, until Yuta brushed away, being the one to lead Jaehyun out of the room this time. 

“Now, if you’re done giving me a house tour, I think I should suggest you take me back to my apartment.” Yuta practically purred, and it was no secret that his mood had changed significantly. Yuta liked that Jaehyun was spoiling him at all, but it was time for Yuta to return the favor in one of the only ways he knew how. 

Jaehyun smiled almost darkly and followed behind Yuta closely. 

“If this place was ours already, we wouldn’t need to go back to your place. Until then, I think I like that idea.” Jaehyun whispered low against the back of Yuta’s neck. 

“Are you insulting my apartment?” Yuta asked, offended in a playful tone. 

“No, darling, it’s just there are so many more rooms for me to make love to you in here.” Jaehyun muttered deeply. 

“Jaehyun!” Yuta exclaimed, then blushed, shoving at the hand that had trailed to his lower back. The fact that Jaehyun had used the words ‘ _make love,’_ was something that Yuta could’ve found corny from anyone else, but from Jaehyun, the words were enough to fluster Yuta. 

  
  
  


-

  
  


The act of tumbling up to Yuta’s apartment turned out to be more difficult than both of them had prepared for. It was quite hard to get up into the room when neither of them could manage to get their hands off each other. 

“We’re lucky it’s this late.” Yuta mumbled as he typed in his padlock code with haste. 

Jaehyun was no help, as he kept his hands on Yuta from behind, looped around both of his hips. 

Yuta cheered inside his head when the door clicked open, they both stumbled into the apartment, and rushed to slip their shoes off. Yuta ignored the embarrassment of him nearly tripping onto the floor as he slipped his heeled boots off, losing a significant few inches of height as he did. 

Their urgency as well as their scents were matched, as Jaehyun didn’t waste time in chasing Yuta back to his bedroom. 

Yuta was in a fit of giggles by the time they reached the room, and he shrugged off his suit jacket, tossing it to the corner of the room. 

Jaehyun let out a sigh that sounded very content, almost pleased, for some reason it made Yuta feel very eager. 

“So,” Yuta muttered, “this is why you wanted a second date, hm?” 

Jaehyun silenced Yuta with his plush lips, a hard press against Yuta’s mouth that had him parting his lips and inviting Jaehyun’s tongue inside right away. Yuta arched his back to meet Jaehyun’s body, colliding with friction. 

They were close enough that Yuta could smell Jaehyun’s natural alpha scent mixed with his expensive cologne, and it made his head spin, as they moved back and fell onto the bed in a tangled mess of limbs. 

It was almost like they were wrestling, and Yuta ended up straddling Jaehyun, he knew Jaehyun could easily tumble them over if he wanted to, but clearly, he didn’t have any objection to their current position. 

Yuta tugged at the collar of Jaehyun’s well-ironed shirt, pulling him up for a rough and wet kiss. Jaehyun elicited something close to a low growl deep from his throat, and it urged Yuta on, rolling his hips forward. 

Jaehyun’s hands went to the silky fabric of Yuta’s mesh shirt, settling on his waist, then dipping lower to smooth down to his lower back, and then Yuta’s ass. It certainly wasn’t the first time, nor did Yuta think it would be the last time that Jaehyun groped his ass, but this time he palmed Yuta’s ass almost aggressively, and the roughness of his touch made Yuta let a small whine out against his lips, needy for more.

“Even in that nearly see-through shirt, you are still wearing too many clothes.” Jaehyun grumbled against Yuta’s open mouth, and Yuta’s lips broke into a smile. 

He moved his hips in a slow drag, easily recalling exactly how to use that part of his body after much time, Yuta was satisfied by the feeling of Jaehyun’s erection pressed up against him. Which was a clear and obvious indicator that his movements were working. 

“Maybe you should do something about that then.” Yuta mumbled, but then grew urgent to distract Jaehyun from doing so, his lips finding Jaehyun’s neck, and busying himself with unbuttoning the buttons of Jaehyun’s shirt, which were practically begging to be freed from his muscular chest anyways. 

It was perhaps a bit strange, but Yuta had shown how nervous he was to be seen fully naked in front of Jaehyun already, avoiding it like the plague. 

“Baby,” Jaehyun uttered, still palming Yuta’s ass with both hands, “let me see you.” 

Yuta flushed pink at his words, and then Jaehyun swiftly turned them over with one leg, and Yuta found himself with his back against the bed. 

Jaehyun was on top of him, disheveled hair and unbuttoned shirt and all, he glanced in a hungry gaze over Yuta. The moment that Jaehyun took control again, Yuta noticed his own pants growing tighter and a deep pit of want and hot heat settling in his stomach. 

“Do you have to..” Yuta mumbled, when Jaehyun began to slowly unbutton down his shirt, making eye contact the entire way. 

“Do I have to what?” Jaehyun asked, not letting Yuta get away with an unfinished sentence. 

“Stare at me, while you do that?” Yuta stuttered, his breath faltering under the sharp gaze of the taller man. 

“I thought it might be more respectful to look you in the eyes, but I can deflect my gaze elsewhere if you’d prefer that.” 

Yuta realized what he was getting at, and shook his head sharply. The less he had to deal with Jaehyun finally laying eyes on his nude body, the better Yuta felt. 

“Kiss me.” Yuta pleaded, desperate for a distraction of any kind, especially with how slowly Jaehyun was undressing him. 

Yuta had already opened his mouth even before Jaehyun’s lips met his own, pliant and needy as their tongues tangled once more. 

The cold air was against his bare skin, and Yuta shrugged the rest of his shirt off his arms, eyes closed shut and focused only on the kiss as he did. 

A flustered and warm feeling hit Yuta when Jaehyun pulled back, eyes obviously trailing over Yuta’s almost entirely exposed form. Yuta resisted the urge to cover himself with his arms, it would only appear odd, since he was only half naked. 

“Beautiful, you’re so beautiful.” Jaehyun spoke, almost in awe, he leaned down to kiss Yuta’s collarbone, hooking two fingers into the loops of Yuta’s jeans, and tugging them downward, along with his boxers. Yuta let out a gasp at Jaehyun’s forwardness and ability to practically rip Yuta’s clothing off him. 

Jaehyun’s gentle touch trailed over Yuta’s ribs, roaming over the now bare skin, and Yuta shivered at the touch. He hadn’t been entirely nude in front of someone like this in over a year, and it certainly didn’t help that Jaehyun was still basically fully clothed. He only grew even more flustered by the stark contrast. 

“Your turn,” Yuta choked out, unable to hide the way his voice was shaking. 

“Are you sure about this?” Jaehyun said before Yuta could move any further. His breath was ragged as he spoke, and Yuta could see his pupils were blown already. 

Jaehyun’s hand rested on Yuta’s naked hip, and Yuta sat himself up, peeling the rest of Jaehyun’s shirt off in one go. Yuta noticed heat crept back onto the back of his neck as he trailed his hand lower, down to the edge of Jaehyun’s slacks, above the zipper. 

Yuta didn’t answer right away, instead, with confidence, he carefully slid his hand over the growing bulge in Jaehyun’s pants, as if to prove he wasn’t afraid. Jaehyun moaned audibly. 

“Yes, I’m sure. I _need_ you. I want you.” Yuta mumbled, his lower lip quivering. He was already too exposed to be ashamed of any of the words that fell from his mouth. 

“I’ve thought about you like this for so long.” Jaehyun replied, his voice low. His wandering hand trailed down Yuta’s bare leg, lifting it higher, to curl it around his own hip. He was staring again, more like gawking in reality, at Yuta laid out in front of him. 

Yuta was absolutely exposed, legs spread open, his unmarked neck thrown back. Yuta covered his eyes with his arm, ashamed at the fact that he was erect already from the sheer sight of his lover, and leaking slightly. Yuta could feel the sweat forming on his lower back, and it felt close to a heat, just from how heavily aroused he was already. 

He heard the sound of rustling fabric, and moved the arm away from his eyes, to see that Jaehyun had removed the rest of his clothing with a complete lack of the clumsiness that Yuta had shown, unable to complete the task as he’d wanted to. 

Jaehyun was beautiful in every way, and Yuta grew worried about satisfying someone of his big _size,_ even his stomach and thighs strained at the thought of having Jaehyun inside of him. At the same time, Yuta was quite excited by it, he was still quite experienced even though it had been a while. No doubt showing it with the eager way he grabbed at Jaehyun’s shoulders, pulling him back down onto his body without wasting another second staring. 

Yuta arched off the bed when Jaehyun resumed his position in between Yuta’s legs, splaying Yuta’s thighs further apart with his hands. Jaehyun’s dangerous tongue licked Yuta's neck, then lower, leaving a trail down his chest and all the way to his stomach. 

It was a strange sensation, heated and wet lips and tongue against his stomach, even to his navel and waistline. Yuta shivered at the odd sensation, and raised his legs up higher, planting his feet against the bed. 

Jaehyun seemed determined to worship him in this way, and Yuta grew more and more impatient and flustered by the attention that was all on him. Yuta caught the look that Jaehyun gave him, flicking his eyes up to see how Yuta’s face contorted as he led his lips to the inner parts of his thighs, even partially biting against the soft skin of one. 

“Fuck,” Yuta heard Jaehyun curse in between his legs, “look at you, you look so good like this.” 

Yuta flushed a light pink color, no doubt looking a mess with rosy cheeks and sweaty hair already. He instinctively spread his legs more at Jaehyun’s words, and earned a low growl in response. 

He was far gone when Jaehyun gripped harder on the flesh of his thighs, leaning down to tease along Yuta’s erection with his tongue, slowly trailing lower to the base of his cock, then to his perineum. 

“J-Jaehyun!” Yuta exclaimed, and his hips jolted upwards at the contact of his tongue on those sensitive areas, stimulated by the unexpected touch of it. 

The taller man ignored Yuta’s squirming and moaning, with a steady grip on his thighs which were basically wrapped around his head at this point, and instead fully pressed his lips and then tongue against Yuta’s hole, where he was already leaking slick. Jaehyun lapped him clean, and Yuta was shaking and clenching the sheets at the sensation. He’d only been eaten out once before, and it was done very briefly and with added lube, not just his slick. 

“Please... don’t ... you don’t have to.” Yuta whined out, trying to pull Jaehyun back up by his dark locks of hair. 

Without even moving, Jaehyun pulled Yuta’s weak hands away, briefly flicking his tongue one last time. Jaehyun lifted his head with a satisfied look on his face, and Yuta widened his eyes at the sight of him with slick on his chin. There was something so heavily erotic and dirty about the sight that Yuta knew he’d never be able to forget it. 

“You’re so sensitive. It’s cute.” Jaehyun said, and Yuta huffed at his words. _Cute_ definitely wasn’t how he felt, nor what he needed to hear from Jaehyun right now. 

“And you taste good.” Jaehyun added on, causing Yuta to grimace in embarrassment and shame at what Jaehyun had just done. 

Shyness instead of arousal grew hot in Yuta’s chest and across his cheeks, and he didn't answer. It felt so good to be touched by Jaehyun in places where he hadn’t felt that kind of pleasure in ages that he couldn’t help but be a bit more than overwhelmed. 

“Oh, are you upset?” Jaehyun teased, hand splaying across Yuta’s waist. 

“No. I wish you would fuck me already, though.” Yuta replied, with a sour attitude in his tone. 

Jaehyun laughed, and Yuta was surprised to hear that sound from a man who had his face buried in between his legs moments earlier, it didn’t sound mocking, however, it sounded—pleased. Satisfied with Yuta’s drastic neediness. 

Yuta wanted to stay angry at him, but with the heavy weight of Jaehyun’s own erection against his thigh, it was useless. Yuta only wanted and craved one thing. 

“Do I have to beg you?” Yuta continued, only to have Jaehyun’s hand circle around his jaw. 

“I wouldn’t need your begging to know how bad you want me to fuck you right now, all you have to do is ask nicely.” Jaehyun said, voice dark and low. 

“Oh, ask _nicely,_ ” Yuta tilted his chin up, and pouted out his lips. 

“Fuck me hard, pretty please.” Yuta mocked, playing nice. He was practically resisting rolling his eyes, even underneath Jaehyun with his legs spread apart. 

Yuta was met with a tighter grip on his jaw and Jaehyun pushed his legs up higher, and Yuta moaned low at the stretch on his legs. It was turning into a playful game for them, of course, both of them bringing out that side of each other. Overly competitive, the pair of them. 

“Say it like you mean it. Or would you rather just take my fingers?” 

“You wouldn’t be able to resist fucking me now. You resisted me the last few times out of sheer will. But I know you aren’t that capable.” Yuta smiled then, a dirty one, and bucked his hips up to meet Jaehyun’s. 

“You’re right.” Jaehyun groaned, surprising Yuta enough that he raised his brows at his words, “I can’t leave you like this. It killed me not being able to be with you this way sooner.” 

The dirty talk was taking effect on him, and Yuta felt the friction of his hardening cock becoming irritable, he moaned softly when Jaehyun inserted two fingers into his mouth. 

“Do you have lube?” Jaehyun whispered slowly, and Yuta nodded with the two digits inside his mouth. Jaehyun removed his fingers momentarily to allow Yuta to speak. 

“The top drawer.” Yuta said, referring to his bedside table. Jaehyun shoved his two fingers back into Yuta’s mouth, where Yuta licked and sucked at them. 

Jaehyun reached over to the drawer, fumbling around until he located it. He withdrew his fingers from Yuta’s open mouth, applying the lube to them. 

Yuta was met with Jaehyun’s mouth back on his again, obviously distracting him from the pain that was to come. Yuta relaxed his own shoulders, calming himself down. He knew it hurt way more if his body was all tensed up like it had been. Jaehyun stroked his rim, circling his fingers gently. 

Adding the second finger was even tighter, Yuta grew more accustomed to it, the burn becoming familiar. Jaehyun nestled his lips against the side of Yuta’s neck, placing comforting kisses to the skin there. 

“I’m ready, please.” Yuta tried, knowing deep down that he wasn’t but he only wanted the stinging over with. His legs were squirming and his hands were moving all over Jaehyun’s back, trying to hold on to anything he could. 

“I won’t risk hurting you.” Jaehyun said, his voice sending a shiver down Yuta’s spine. 

The words helped remind Yuta how much Jaehyun cared for him, and how he wouldn’t trust anyone else to see him desperate like this. He could surrender himself to Jaehyun without fear now. 

Yuta wasn’t in heat, so he did need to be stretched properly, otherwise his body was at risk of pain or injury if he tried to take an alpha knot without proper preparation for it. 

Yuta whimpered as Jaehyun worked his fingers up and down, slowly quickening the pace of them. His fingers were long and he moved them just right, knowing exactly where to curl and push up inside to work Yuta apart. 

“Did you bring a condom?” Yuta stuttered out, fingernails gripping into Jaehyun’s shoulder after an especially hard thrust of his fingers. 

“Yes, it’s in the pocket of my suit jacket.” Jaehyun replied, distracted. 

“Don’t..use it.” Yuta said, a little out of breath. 

“Why not?” Jaehyun asked in a puzzled tone, and Yuta groaned when he stopped moving his fingers, pulling his lips away from Yuta’s jaw to look into his eyes. 

“My suppressants made it so that I can’t.. I can’t get pregnant for three months even after I stop taking them.” Yuta realized he should’ve mentioned this earlier, but he’d been a bit too busy thinking about other things. He’d discovered this fact after his appointment as well, when he’d thrown the old box of supplements away and read the warnings on the back. Yuta guessed that his doctor hadn’t told him due to the fact that he was a male omega. 

“I want to feel you inside. Please.” Yuta added on, as Jaehyun stared down at him with a lustful expression on his face, his long fingers pushing in and out with slow and shallow thrusts. 

“So pretty, Hyung.” Jaehyun murmured in response, with his hair cascaded over his forehead. Yuta could see his arm flex as he moved his fingers deeper inside, and it made Yuta feel pleased at the sight of Jaehyun eagerly working to open him. 

Yuta explored with one hand, tracing over Jaehyun’s chest and gently flicking over his nipple. Jaehyun groaned, and Yuta took it as a sign to continue, slowly leading his hand lower. 

Quickly fumbling on the side of the bed for the lube, Yuta wetted his same hand, then led it to Jaehyun’s length, stroking his hard erection. Jaehyun grunted low into Yuta’s neck, muttering a curse as well. 

Yuta twisted his fist over his long length easily, he watched the muscles of Jaehyun’s chest flex as he did, enjoying the feeling and sight of the alpha under his hand like this. 

A drawn-out whine escaped from Yuta’s open mouth when Jaehyun pulled his fingers out, and his own hand fell down back against the mattress, watching closely as Jaehyun lined himself up. The tease of his cock sliding in between Yuta’s cheeks was enough to make him grip Jaehyun’s hair, signaling that he was more than ready. 

Yuta squeezed his eyes shut and fell apart once Jaehyun began to push in fully, as it was so slow that Yuta could feel every inch. Yuta inhaled sharply at the intrusion of the thick shaft entering inside of him, gliding in and settling a hot and tight pressure on his lower abdomen. 

“Breathe.” Jaehyun reminded Yuta, and Yuta hadn’t even realized how much he’d tensed his body and how he’d been holding his breath, thankful that Jaehyun brought him back to reality. 

There was both pleasure and pain in the feeling of Jaehyun pushing in all the way, Yuta hadn’t felt such a full stretch in _so_ long. 

“Hyung, are you okay?” Jaehyun asked, his voice cautious. Yuta knew he was safe with him, even as a sharp pain shot up his lower back while his body adjusted to the large stretch of having Jaehyun’s cock inside. 

Yuta bit his lip to stifle a cry, “I will be.” 

It was probably due to how long they’d waited, and because Yuta’s body hadn’t known this kind of pleasure in so long, all combined with the fact that Jaehyun was big. More so than the last. 

Yuta’s arms clenched around Jaehyun’s shoulders, shaking as he got used to feeling so full. 

“You.. you’re.. huge.” Yuta breathed out, knowing very well he would regret those words later. 

Jaehyun cupped Yuta’s cheek with one hand, silencing his rambling with a kiss, Yuta was glad since he’d probably have gone on to share more embarrassing details if Jaehyun hadn’t done so. 

Yuta locked his legs around Jaehyun’s lower back, gasping into the kiss when it pushed him in deeper, as Yuta had believed he was fully inside. 

The kiss broke as Jaehyun thrust into him at once, just to pull out a bit and slide back in, and Yuta cried out, tears pricking the sides of his eyes. 

“Yuta,” Jaehyun groaned, checking Yuta’s face for any signs of true pain, but only seeing pleasure. Yuta was overwhelmed with it. 

Jaehyun’s thrusts became more powerful, and Yuta pushed his hips down to meet them, finally finding a rhythm. Jaehyun latched his lips to Yuta’s neck, imitating a bite mark on his neck by sucking into the flesh, where they both knew he couldn’t yet leave a true mark. 

“Yes, _yes_ , like that.” Yuta whined out, feeling himself groan at how his slick slipped out when Jaehyun moved again, finding a way to slowly thrust into Yuta’s body. 

Jaehyun started rocking in and out of him, and Yuta threw his head back, mouth open with soft moans falling out, he was more vocal than he’d prefer to be, especially for their first time, but Yuta couldn’t help how sensitive he was to it. 

It was hard and good now, less pain and more of a delicious slide of pleasure, Yuta couldn’t deny the heat building more and more in his lower stomach, but he wanted it to last, he didn’t want to finish yet. 

Jaehyun’s hips slapped against the back of Yuta’s thighs, making the sex feel rough when in reality Jaehyun was being much more careful than an alpha usually would be. He wasn’t fucking hard enough to break or harm Yuta, careful with the way he rolled his hips deep into Yuta’s wet and slick heat, never completely losing control of himself. 

Yuta knew he was doomed the second that Jaehyun bent his legs up further, pulling them higher up onto his back and practically bending Yuta in half. 

“Ah! Ah! Right there, Jaehyun!” Yuta exclaimed as Jaehyun hit that sweet spot deep inside, not bothering with being quiet even though he knew very well that he had neighbors both above and below him. 

Jaehyun smirked, and Yuta had no doubt that his ego was immensely fueled by this entire display. 

“Not bashful anymore, I see.” Jaehyun said, breathing heavily in between words. 

Yuta knew he’d feel more satisfaction and pride at the change in his confidence later when he wasn’t so busy thinking about the alpha’s cock buried deep inside of him.

Jaehyun picked his thrusts up again at the new angle, harder than before, and Yuta knew that he was close as well because he could feel the swell of his length inside. 

“Touch me, please.” Yuta begged finally, weak and sweaty against the pillow now, he could even feel his hair sticking to the back of his neck from it. 

Yuta became even more of a mess and tightened his grip on Jaehyun’s shoulders when he moved his hand to stroke Yuta’s cock as he rammed up inside the smaller man. The entire room resonated with the sound of Yuta’s cries and moans, along with Jaehyun’s excessive groaning and the sound of skin slamming against skin. 

A change in the air came as both of them grew closer to the edge, and it became awfully primal. Yuta slowly grew more and more unaware and only focused on the heat in his stomach and the cock in his ass. 

Jaehyun leaned down and took Yuta’s mouth in a sloppy and wet kiss, with one more hard thrust, Yuta was finished, coming into Jaehyun’s hand with a loud cry of his name. 

Yuta was slick all over, leaking even more as he came, which was quite common for an omega, but that didn’t stop Jaehyun, who was still fully erect. 

He yelped in confusion when Jaehyun suddenly pulled out of him, as he hadn’t knotted him or came yet, but once he was manhandled over onto his stomach, Yuta understood what was happening. 

Yuta was hardly able to hold himself up on his hands and knees, but he tried his best, still shaking from the intense orgasm he’d just had. Jaehyun gently rubbed circles into Yuta’s lower back and slid into him again.

 _”Take me.”_ Yuta whined, unsure of where the instinct to whisper them came from. It almost seemed like second-nature. 

Jaehyun laid over Yuta’s back, his hands coming to clasp over Yuta’s own which were gripped tightly into the sheets. He placed kisses on Yuta's shoulder blades and the back of his neck, a silent apology for the over-stimulation. 

He could only hear Jaehyun half-growling and half-groaning behind him, and then Yuta noticed the knot start to swell finally. He knew how badly a knot hurt, but it was hard to be prepared for it, he couldn’t help but cry softly and whimper into the sheets. 

The pressure of where Jaehyun was deep inside left Yuta breathless, his back arching to it, instinct kicking in as he submitted and surrendered fully under Jaehyun. 

Yuta was still working through the aftershocks of his own orgasm when Jaehyun finally finished, coming hot inside of Yuta with a loud groan, yet unable to pull out yet. The knot prevented that, and would take a bit longer before it could come out, Yuta knew that much. 

Yuta tried lifting his face off the slick mattress but wasn’t able to find the strength to do so, with his cheek pressed into the cotton. 

Jaehyun gasped for air and caught his breath against Yuta’s back, forehead resting on his sweaty skin as he clutched at Yuta's hips, helping him stay upright. 

Slowly, with ease, he maneuvered them down onto the bed, all while staying inside of Yuta. It was pretty painful and also not the smartest idea to withdraw during a knot, and Yuta was glad that Jaehyun clearly knew this information. 

“How long do you normally last?” Yuta asked hoarsely, in reference to his knot. He knew that it could take fifteen minutes for some, next to an hour. 

“I don’t know.” Jaehyun mumbled. 

Yuta craned his neck to try to see Jaehyun’s expression. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I’ve never knotted anyone before you.” Jaehyun said, his voice cracking a bit. 

“Oh,” Yuta exhaled, a bit flattered that he’d been Jaehyun’s _first._ It seemed like the assumptions he’d made about Jaehyun long ago had been terribly wrong after all. 

“You did amazing. And you were so hot.” Jaehyun mumbled and pressed a kiss to Yuta’s shoulder. 

“You too.” Yuta replied weakly, leaning back against Jaehyun who offered support. 

Yuta noticed he was a bit dizzy and dehydrated now. It had felt like marathon sex even though it wasn’t in reality, Yuta knew he was just being dramatic with that idea in his head. 

“D—Don’t move.” Yuta complained at the sensation when Jaehyun rustled around, as he was busy throwing the comforter off and pulling the sheet up around them. 

“Sorry,” Jaehyun said, with a laugh. 

“You’re literally inside of me.” Yuta glared, reminding Jaehyun of the fact. 

“I know, I was there too.” Jaehyun said, his arm wrapping back around Yuta’s waist, massaging gently into his sore flesh. 

“Don’t push it.” Yuta said, with a weak smile. He lazily grabbed Jaehyun’s hand and interlocked their fingers. 

They laid there, tangled up in each other and the sheet covering them, both sweaty and breathless, too tired to continue to speak. Yuta fell asleep first, the exhaustion hitting him all at once. Jaehyun followed soon after, with his face buried into Yuta’s shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always i hope you guys enjoyed!!! :) sorry this took me a while again, writers block is actually becoming a problem. 
> 
> leave any thoughts behind. i’ll see you guys next week!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! this one took longer to edit and write as i got busy and had less time to do both. 
> 
> i hope you are all doing well and enjoy!

Yuta woke up slowly, the next morning, in a bit of a disoriented daze. He was sore all over, his legs, his lower back, even his arms felt a bit strained. 

Light leaked into the room, and Yuta rubbed at his eyes. It took him a second to realize that he couldn’t get up to move because he was attached to Jaehyun, the younger man with his arms wrapped possessively around Yuta’s smaller frame. Jaehyun’s touch was familiar in the best way possible, his fingers pressed into his skin in a way that made Yuta forget any other touch he’d known in the past. 

Yuta tried to crane his neck and see Jaehyun regardless of being trapped in his grasp, able to see the eased expression of Jaehyun sleeping peacefully. Yuta always noticed the small details about him while he slept, how his eyelashes were surprisingly long when his eyes were closed, his lips still lovely and kissable even though he wasn’t smiling. 

Yuta’s mind flashed back to the night before, where Jaehyun had made _love_ to him, and Yuta had begged for more and held nothing back. He knew he had been loud enough to warrant noise complaints. Yuta was mortified as memories of the things he’d said out loud came back, mostly the one about his fiancé’s large size. 

He was a little bit embarrassed to have put on such a show, but he only hoped that he hadn’t been too much.

Yuta shifted around, moving so that he was on his back again instead of his side, and winced as the movement hurt his ass. 

Jaehyun snuggled closer, burying his head into the side of Yuta’s neck and Yuta sighed, instantly forgetting all about his pointless worries. Jaehyun wasn’t judgemental like that toward Yuta, he knew deep down that he had nothing to worry about in that area. 

“Quit pretending to be asleep. I need to get up and shower.” Yuta mumbled softly so as not to startle Jaehyun too much, his hand coming up to brush at the back of the other man’s head. 

Jaehyun didn’t answer, but Yuta could see a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He was smart enough to figure out when the younger was fake sleeping now. 

He opened his eyes after a couple more seconds of playing pretend, and smiled at Yuta. Jaehyun pulled Yuta closer, and Yuta whined at the movement. 

“Good morning to you too.” Jaehyun said, long limbs easily keeping Yuta trapped. 

“No, I’m sore.” Yuta complained, trying to stretch his way out. 

“Shall I give you a massage?” Jaehyun sat up halfway, and looked almost frantic even in his sleepy state at Yuta’s complaint, his hands rushing to rub against Yuta’s back in an attempt to soothe him. 

“How are you like this first thing in the morning?” Yuta grumbled, rubbing at one of his eyes again. 

“Only when I get to wake up next to you. On the rare occasion that I do.” Jaehyun said, placing a kiss to Yuta’s bare shoulder. 

“You’re such a sap.” Yuta said, amusement clear in his tone even with his voice thick with sleep. 

A couple minutes of silence fell between them as they lay in each other’s arms, entangled under the single sheet that covered their naked bodies. 

Jaehyun gave up on sitting up halfway and buried his face back into Yuta’s neck, almost inhaling his scent. 

“You smell good. You smell like me.” Jaehyun chuckled. Yuta was aware that it was common that alpha’s had a nature of becoming even more possessive after sex, even though he hadn’t marked Yuta, he had still claimed him in another way. Especially if Yuta was the first omega that he’d ever knotted. Yuta’s cheeks became tinted with pink at the thought. 

“I.. have to get up.. I have things to do today.” Yuta fought Jaehyun’s grip on his torso, wiggling as he tried to work his way out of his grasp. 

“It’s barely 10 am,” Jaehyun pointed out, “you can’t stay a little bit longer?” 

“Aren’t you normally the one leaving?” Yuta teased in response. They both knew it was the truth, usually Jaehyun was the one with a busy schedule and someplace to be. 

“You aren’t exactly appearance ready, either.” Jaehyun said, eyes trailing over Yuta’s body with a content look across his face in the form of a grin. 

Yuta glared at that, pulling the sheet off of both of them and earning a laugh from the taller man as he dragged it over himself and stood on his slightly shaky legs in front of his mirror, eyes widening at the reflection of his own appearance. 

His neck was absolutely ravaged, pink bruises along the skin, a couple added bite marks as well, everywhere but his scent gland, his hair was tangled both in the back and front, which wasn’t that surprising since he usually had bed head, but it only added to the post-sex look which was very apparent. 

“I’ll just wear a turtleneck.” Yuta said, yet before he could turn back around, Jaehyun stood up in all his naked glory, coming over to Yuta in front of the mirror, and wrapping his arms around his torso. Yuta scoffed at him, but his cheeks were quite flushed. 

“It’s May, Hyung.” Jaehyun murmured against his ear. 

“I’ll put makeup on them, or something, this is _your_ fault.” Yuta said through his teeth, relaxing a bit as Jaehyun rubbed circles against his skin, despite himself. 

Jaehyun ignored his words, a hungry look in his eyes as he scanned Yuta up and down in the mirror, and Yuta pulled the sheet closer to his body, covering up more of his skin. 

Large hands cupped his smaller waist, and Jaehyun’s lips pressed the side of his messy hair, kissing his head softly. 

Yuta tried to turn around but Jaehyun kept him facing the mirror, tilting his chin up with one finger, and keeping Yuta’s eyes set on the image of them together. He wanted to pull away from the sight of himself, but Jaehyun’s gentle and barely there yet affectionate touch kept him there, frozen in place. 

“I have to go, I have to shower.” Yuta spoke again, ignoring how well Jaehyun’s body was slotted against his own, warm skin pressed against him. 

“Where do you have to go?” Jaehyun inquired, both hands falling back down to hold onto Yuta’s hips, which he seemed to be growing infatuated with now that there was only a sheet of fabric separating him from the naked skin. 

“I have an advisory meeting at my school, for classes or something.” Yuta answered, trying to look at the floor once again instead of his reflection. 

“Right, I shouldn’t forget you’re a young artist in the making,” Jaehyun said, then he raised an eyebrow suddenly, and leaned in closer to the side of Yuta’s face, “we can shower together.” 

“Jaehyun,” Yuta rolled his eyes, that being the final straw to snap him out of his trance, “I know where that will lead.” 

Yuta pushed Jaehyun’s arms off and in return earned a pinch on his hip, making him squeal. 

“What? It’s a way of saving water.” Jaehyun continued, following Yuta, who was still wrapped up in the sheet, to the bathroom. 

“Fine. Even though I know where this is going.” Yuta shrugged, dropping the sheet from his shoulders and kicking it towards the laundry basket in the bathroom. He smirked, knowing very well that Jaehyun was watching all his movements. 

When Yuta turned the knob on the shower, now standing under the hot water in the shower chamber, Jaehyun still didn’t make any movements, only watching everything Yuta did carefully. 

“If you’re going to join me, do it.” Yuta said, more confidence behind his voice now that he was the one giving an order. 

Jaehyun opened the shower door, stepping into the small shower compartment with Yuta, steam already forming on the glass walls. 

Yuta leaned his head back, wetting his hair and body. He shifted his weight so that he was standing with his back slightly arched in order to get the best angle under the shower head. 

“Tease.” Jaehyun muttered, low enough that Yuta could barely hear him. His hand made it’s way up the back of Yuta’s spine, up to his long locks of soaked hair, tangling there and pulling slightly, causing Yuta’s knees to threaten to buckle under the pleasure of the slight pain. 

Jaehyun continued running his hands through Yuta’s hair, a more gentle touch now. Yuta tried not to show how affected he was by it. 

“Tease,” Yuta repeated in a low voice, “how am I a tease? Am I not fully naked in front of you?” 

“Walking around with a body like that, it’s teasing enough. Every single inch of you is gorgeous.” Jaehyun answered, and his other hand slipped down to give Yuta’s rounded ass a playful slap. Yuta ignored the muffled gasp that threatened to slip from his throat. 

“You’re just uncontrollable.” Yuta purred out, and turned to grab his body wash as Jaehyun’s hand left his hair and lingered on the side of his hip. 

“I haven’t forgotten all the nice things you told me last night.” Jaehyun replied in his deep morning voice, and Yuta could hear the smirk on his face without having to turn and look. 

Yuta blushed, but ignored him, busy with washing his body. In a second of weakness, his legs wobbled a bit and Jaehyun grabbed him from behind, holding him up. 

“I’m fine, you don’t have to hold me.” Yuta said, with a choked laugh. 

_Oh_ , Yuta thought, as he felt Jaehyun’s unmistakeable erection press up against him. 

“You—“ Yuta gasped, but his sentence was cut short by Jaehyun’s hands grasping into his wet skin. 

“I’ve been like this all morning, Yuta. You look so good like this, all fucked out and mine. I’ve never seen anyone hotter.” Jaehyun spoke low voice against Yuta’s neck, and Yuta felt his legs grow even weaker at his words. 

“Jae..” Yuta pleaded, his head falling back against Jaehyun’s broad shoulder. 

He clearly wanted to fluster Yuta, leaving him wanting more before they even began. It wasn’t that hard, however, due to the elder becoming flustered from the moment Jaehyun had admitted to being hard only due to Yuta’s appearance, the other man had the ability to make him feel shy easily by praise alone. 

“It’s even hotter when you try to act all nonchalant,” Jaehyun murmured against the back of his neck, “when I know you want it just as much as me.” 

Yuta gasped again when Jaehyun’s lips met his neck, kissing and sucking into his skin again. He held himself up with a hand on the glass wall, fully pressing his body back against Jaehyun’s. The alpha’s scent of arousal was heavy and thick even under the water, Yuta could feel it taking a hold of him, lust clouding into his thoughts. 

“Then take me,” Yuta grinned, “quickly.” 

Jaehyun nibbled softly at his ear, a way of answering him without words, and turned his chin with two fingers, pulling Yuta’s face to his, and meeting their lips. 

The kiss was a bit of a strain for Yuta, but he kept himself there, lips locked against the taller man’s. 

“Now.” Yuta whined into the kiss, and gripped his nails into Jaehyun’s arm that was holding his waist in order to signify his urgency. 

Jaehyun let go of his chin, and Yuta braced himself for the feeling of being stretched open again. Jaehyun’s large hands explored every ridge of Yuta’s upper body underneath the stream of warm water, which was a rather pleasing sensation, not enough however to distract Yuta from the dick pressed up to his ass. 

Before he could whine or plead again, he was caught off guard by the sensation of Jaehyun’s fingers rubbing slight circles against his rim. It was only spit and water that slicked the two digits, along with Yuta’s own self-lubrication that wasn’t exactly lacking due to his arousal growing. 

Jaehyun had obviously taken Yuta’s words from earlier seriously, and didn’t waste time in inserting his fingers carefully but with a quicker pace than the night before when he had worked Yuta open carefully and slowly. 

“Fuck!” Yuta cursed out loud when Jaehyun curled his fingers up at the right angle. 

“You okay?” Jaehyun grunted out, slowing down his pace. 

“I won’t be if you don’t get inside me within the next few minutes.” Yuta replied, his teeth gritted as he spoke. 

“Of course, I’ve learned how sensitive you are to my touch, Hyung.” Jaehyun sounded smug even while distracted, his words almost slurred as he spoke. Yuta could tell he was focused. 

He almost turned his head over his shoulder to see the expression on the younger’s face, which no doubt was dirty, as he watched his own fingers work in and out of Yuta’s hole. Yuta bowed his head instead, one hand sliding against the condensation of the glass shower wall. 

A surprised gasp elicited from the elder’s mouth after Jaehyun separated his fingers against the rim, dipping his head down to add more spit to them. Yuta wanted to press his face against the shower wall to hide the sounds he was making, as Jaehyun resumed the fingering inside him deep, mercilessly.

Yuta’s answer became nothing more than moaning and pleading, until Jaehyun had pulled his fingers out, finding his grip on Yuta’s hips again. 

“Jaehyun.” Yuta whined his name like both a curse and a plea, as Jaehyun pressed the tip of his cock into his rim, Yuta’s entrance accommodating him well like it had before. 

With a low moan, Jaehyun lifted one of Yuta’s legs up, testing his flexibility and sliding in deeper, Yuta noticed the rather inconvenience of their position, as the taller man began to thrust into him. 

Jaehyun noticed too, and pulled out right away. He turned Yuta around, and the elder man hardly registered any of it until Jaehyun was hoisting him up enough that he could wrap his legs around Jaehyun’s waist. Both of them moaned in harmony when Jaehyun was able to slide back inside of Yuta with the new position. 

The angle was deep, it felt like he was being ripped open all over again, in the best way possible. Yuta moaned and Jaehyun did much of the same, rutting his hips up into Yuta as they moved together and adjusted to the dangerous position, intertwined under the water with soaked bodies. 

Jaehyun hit Yuta’s prostate immediately with the deep angle, raspy curses falling from his throat, along with Jaehyun’s name as the younger man fucked deep into him, making direct eye contact with Yuta for the first few strokes, until Yuta connected their lips in a fumbled and messy kiss. 

“You’re so good.” Jaehyun muttered his praise for Yuta, breaking the kiss to do so, all while vigorously thrusting upwards into Yuta’s tight heat. 

Yuta was certain he’d have bruises from getting held up and pressed against his shower wall by Jaehyun’s strong arms, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care much. The slight masochistic tendencies he had during sex were beginning to show as he grew more and more comfortable with Jaehyun. 

“Please, harder. Fuck me.” Yuta choked out as his hands gripped into Jaehyun's shoulders for leverage, bringing himself down against the taller man’s thrusts. 

Yuta knew he was going to be late.

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


After the shower, which lasted until the water ran cold due to the pair of them being unable to control themselves, Yuta cursed at himself. He wasn’t the type to do sloppy seconds in the morning, yet it seemed like he couldn’t help it when it came to Jaehyun, Yuta gave in right away. 

Yuta had gotten ready fast as possible, choosing to wear a turtleneck even though it was hot outside, since there would be no time to try to match a color for his neck. 

Jaehyun had borrowed some of his clothes again, a t-shirt and sweatpants, and was busy trying to cook some breakfast food in the kitchen when Yuta finally came out of the bathroom, fully dressed and ready to leave. 

“Can’t even stay for breakfast?” Jaehyun asked, a smirk tugging at his face. Yuta had left a couple marks on his neck in return for the ones he was covering up on his own, and it was quite a desirable sight to see, in his small apartment kitchen. 

“I want to be there early.” Yuta said, rushing to find his bag. 

“You’ll need the energy, Hyung. I’m afraid I went.. a bit hard on you again.” Jaehyun said, finishing his sentence slowly. 

“Yes. I can feel it.” Yuta hissed, hoping that he wouldn’t be too distracted by how sore he was, all over. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to sitting with a college advisor for an hour now. 

Jaehyun just chuckled, sliding Yuta a plate of eggs and sausage on the counter. 

“Eat. Hyung. I’ll speed to get you there if I have to.” Jaehyun’s alert expression and his eyes had the same feeling as his voice. One suited for a confident alpha. 

“You’re driving me?” Yuta asked with a smile on his face. He ended up sitting down at the counter, immediately scarfing down at the food. It was true that he’d been heavily famished and dehydrated by all the physical activity. 

“Of course. And it’s on the way back to my place, it works out.” 

Yuta smiled even wider at the little excuse Jaehyun made in order to spend more time with him. It was rare in a relationship to be in the honeymoon phase right before you went on an actual honeymoon, but given their rather unusual circumstances, it was the way they had worked out. 

After breakfast, and insisting Jaehyun leave the dishes for him to do later because they needed to leave, they headed down to the parking garage where Jaehyun’s car had been overnight. 

Yuta was anxious on the way over, partially because he was worried about being late, but also because of silly things, like if he hadn’t prepared enough for the right question, or if he was making the right choice in going back to school for art, and due to all his overthinking, Yuta had been bouncing his knee and picking at his nails, which Jaehyun continued to remind him to stop. 

As Jaehyun pulled into the school parking lot and turned the car off, flicking his eyes over to Yuta, he felt his nerves cool down, just from the direct eye contact. 

“When will I see you again?” Yuta asked, knowing well how busy Jaehyun was going to be due to his semester coming to an end. 

“Finals end in two weeks.” Jaehyun replied softly, his hand coming to the back of Yuta’s head. 

“Well, call me when you can.” Yuta said, turning to open the car door. He hated goodbyes, he could never watch Jaehyun leave and hated to be the one leaving as well. 

“Yuta.” Jaehyun said, pulling him back. He softly motioned Yuta closer, bridging the distance between them, and pecked his lips, lingering there for a second then moving back. 

“I’ll call you later to ask how it went. Don’t worry too much, you’ll do amazing. I know you will.” Jaehyun reassured him, giving Yuta’s hand a squeeze. 

“I don’t know why I’m nervous anyways. It’s hardly a big deal.” Yuta shook his head. 

“Because, you care about the impression you leave, and it’s important to you. There’s nothing wrong with being nervous.” Jaehyun smiled, and Yuta felt better already with his words. 

“You think too highly of me.” Yuta said while fighting back a smile, and turned to leave once again. 

“Hey,” Jaehyun said, only holding onto Yuta’s hand now, as Yuta was halfway out the car door, “I had a good time with you.” 

“I did too. Thank you for taking me out on a date. I’ll return the favor next time.” Yuta smiled softly, a breathy chuckle following his promise. 

“I’ll hold you to that.” Jaehyun said, then let go of Yuta’s hand. 

Yuta turned to approach the large and intimidating college building, not wanting to watch him drive away. 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


The meeting went well, it wasn’t a big deal at all, just as Yuta had expected, but the entire interview format had made him a bit nervous. The meeting was only to check if he had the right credentials to be enrolled in certain classes. Luckily for him, he felt as though he’d been able to play it cool. 

Outside on the steps of the large campus building he’d come out of, Yuta walked out toward the sidewalk, hoping to order an uber or something since he hadn’t brought his own car. The sun was hot against his neck, and he regretted wearing a black turtleneck in the humid weather, but, it wasn’t like he could’ve shown up to an interview for school looking like a ravaged party animal. 

As he opened his phone, Yuta spotted a notification in his messages, after opening it, he saw that surprisingly it was from Taeil. It had been a couple weeks since they had last been in contact, and Yuta couldn’t blame him, Yuta felt like he had to take some responsibility for the scene that was caused at his party, plus, he was Doyoung’s roommate and friend, which drew an invisible line between the two of them. 

Regardless of all this, Yuta slid to open the text. 

_Hey. I know it’s been a while, but do you have time to meet for coffee today?_

Yuta was shocked, backing away from the crosswalk he was about to cross in order to read the text over again. If Taeil wanted to meet, was it possible he’d bring Doyoung along too? Yuta was worried. He didn’t feel prepared to see his ex-best friend again yet. 

_Just with you?_

Yuta texted back while walking, finding some shade under a bus bench while he waited for an answer. Another notification came within a couple minutes. 

_Yes_. 

  
  
  


-

  
  


Yuta took an uber over to the coffee shop that Taeil had sent him the address of. He got there first, choosing a table and waiting for the other man to show up. 

Yuta was rather exhausted from all the physical activity the night before and early that morning, so he ordered an iced coffee while waiting. 

Taeil showed up after a little while, dressed in a beanie and a jean jacket. The smaller brunette man apologized for being late. 

“Hey,” Taeil pulled him in for an unexpected and brief hug, “am I still invited to your wedding, Nakamoto?” 

Yuta laughed, a little bit thankful that Taeil hadn’t put any awkward distance in the way of their friendship, even though he’d always been closer to Doyoung, and what Yuta and him had was more of a mutual friendship. Or it had been. 

“Of course. Did you think I’d burn your invite?” Yuta joked in reply, and they settled down across from each other in their seats. 

“What kept you?” Yuta asked, feeling entitled enough to do so. 

“I just got a dog recently, and she knocked over her food bowl right as I was leaving. I couldn’t just leave the mess of course.” Taeil said, with a chuckle. 

“Ah, right.” Yuta almost said, ‘Doyoung would kill you,’ but caught himself before he could. He didn’t know Doyoung like that anymore, of course he couldn’t make comments like that. 

Taeil looked at Yuta with a smile. Yuta didn’t expect that much kindness from the other man. Yuta was perhaps being more pessimistic than was necessary about the whole situation, but he wouldn’t have been able to blame Taeil for any hostility towards Yuta given the way he’d completely cut both Doyoung and him out of his life. 

“So, what is it that you wanted to meet for?” Yuta forced himself to break the silence that had gone on long enough and speak, despite the way his throat choked up as he did. It wasn’t exactly easy when Yuta didn’t know what to expect, he preferred to be blunt in any situation. 

“To catch up, mostly.” Taeil said, still relaxed and laid back. 

Yuta swallowed nervously, and nodded. 

“I guess you had someplace fancy to go today?” Taeil gestured to Yuta’s appearance, it was probably the dangling earrings or the turtleneck and styled hair that gave it away, but Yuta was at least glad that he came off polished enough, since that had been his intent. 

“Yeah. Advisory meeting with my college counselor for classes.” Yuta said, still picking his nails under the table out of nervous habit. 

“Oh. I thought you finished college?” 

“I did, but that was for boring business stuff, now I’m going back for art.” Yuta said, awkwardly taking a sip from his coffee. 

“That’s smart. I’d love to see anything you make.” Taeil said, clearly doing his best to sound genuine. 

“Have you been well also?” Yuta questioned, nibbling lightly on his lower lip. 

“I mean, I did tell you I got a dog right?” Taeil chuckled, leaning back in his chair. 

“Right.” Yuta laughed slightly with him. 

“I’ve been doing okay. I am going to be moving out of my apartment soon, though. Doyoung and I won’t be roommates anymore.” Taeil said, finally bringing up his name. Yuta felt nervous as to where the topic of their conversation would be going. 

Yuta corrected his posture in his chair, collecting himself together in a way. 

“Why are you moving out?” He asked slowly, caution in his tone. 

“My boyfriend and I are moving in together. It’s quite a big adjustment.” Taeil said, pausing. 

Yuta thought back to when he’d seen Taeil dancing with an older man at the party, and figured things must’ve become more serious between them since then. 

“So, while it’s true that I called to catch up, I also wanted to admit that moving out has me concerned for one reason, and that is Doyoung. I worry about how he’ll be on his own. I’m sort of one of his only friends left, now.” Taeil got quieter at the end of his sentence, and Yuta found himself unable to swallow. 

Yuta stayed silent, watching as Taeil’s expression slowly turned into a more pleading one, his forehead and mouth becoming creased. 

“It’s been a rough year already, for him, Yuta.” 

“That’s not really my concern anymore.” Yuta said, still fiddling with his hands under the table and focusing on the condensation that was slowly appearing on his iced coffee cup. 

“I know. And I’m not making excuses for what he did, or how he dealt with it. But you knew him well. You know how he hides things.” Taeil stuttered out, clearly not in the mood to bring it up either. 

Taeil fell silent again, and Yuta could barely focus on anything else in the crowded room except for the serious gaze on Taeil’s face. It was evident that whatever he was trying to spit out in that moment was important. 

“What? Is there something else he didn’t tell me?” Yuta tried, hating how defensive his own voice sounded when that wasn’t his intention at all. 

“It might not be my place to say, but his mother.. she became sick in February. His birthday month, you know. But you were busy dealing with your own things, so I guess he didn’t want to be a burden about it. She was even hospitalized. His parents have been struggling financially so… he… Doyoung dropped out a few weeks ago, and got a full time job to help pay for the hospital bills.” Taeil spoke slowly, and Yuta didn’t interrupt him even though he could feel his heartbeat begin to quicken. 

Yuta understood the urgency in Taeil’s tone, and the pain as well. Guilt quickly rose up in his chest, and Yuta was speechless. It made more sense now, all the lies, everything. He knew it was partially his fault too. Yuta felt like he’d been so goddamn selfish in his friendship with Doyoung, making everything about himself and his own problems. He felt like crying just thinking about the fact that Doyoung hid so many important things from him all because he was worried he’d be a burden, of course. 

They were both responsible for the demise of their friendship in a way, Yuta realized, the blame was on him for ignoring the clear signs that Doyoung was being secretive and that his own problems weren’t the only ones in the world. While Doyoung had chosen to be secretive and to shut Yuta out. 

“Then...why wouldn’t he tell me these things? When I gave him a chance to explain?” Yuta spoke finally, ignoring the slight burning in his eyes. 

“I thought he would too. And I asked why he didn’t when he came back from your place. He told me that he didn’t want to make it seem like he was claiming to be a victim, or turning the situation around.” Taeil explained, his lips pursed with concern. 

“I told him to trust your friendship more, and explain things fully, but he refused. He said he’d already ruined things enough.” Taeil sounded bitter as he spoke, and it led Yuta to wonder where his loyalty and opinions stood on everything that had happened, but he wouldn’t ask. Taeil had already gotten himself involved more than he needed to, which showed how genuine he was as a friend. 

Yuta nodded. The whole entire situation was so.. Doyoung. It forced Yuta to rethink the way he’d handled their friendship in the first place. If he’d been there for him enough, or if he’d prioritized his own needs over his best friend. 

“Is he still seeing.. him?” Yuta asked, unable to even utter Johnny’s name on his lips.

“Johnny? No. They ended things about two weeks ago. For good. Doyoung first ended it between them after the party, but.. he went back to him a couple times after that. What they have isn’t healthy, Yuta.” Taeil said. 

“How do you know they ended things for good?” Yuta said, his expression no doubt full of suspicion. 

“Because Johnny left. Doyoung said he hopped on a plane and didn’t even bother to say goodbye.” Taeil spoke with venom in his tone. 

“Typical.” Yuta scoffed, unsurprised at the man’s immature actions. Of course he’d run off and left Doyoung the second things got hard. It was the same thing he’d done to Yuta. 

“I’m sure you don’t want to discuss this anymore. But I only thought I’d tell you, because I wouldn’t want you to throw away that friendship in case you still have it in your heart to forgive him. That’s all.” Taeil sighed, as if he’d gotten it off his chest. 

“Thank you, for taking the time to do this, Taeil. You’ve definitely given me a lot to reconsider.” Yuta nodded, doing his best to transfer the hope and slight optimistic tone in his voice to Taeil. He didn’t want his efforts to help Yuta find peace with Doyoung to go unnoticed. 

Yuta had been plagued by fond memories and unspoken questions due to the way he’d cut Doyoung off, he had constantly been in the back of Yuta’s mind. Yuta knew that deep down, even if only to properly move on, he needed to work towards forgiving and understanding Doyoung. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


The wedding date was officially three weeks away. With the month of May coming to an end, June was closing in on Yuta and so was the inevitable wedding ceremony. In many aspects, Yuta was prepared fully and ready for all the preparation to be over with, but in other aspects, he was anxious for the day itself and how life would feel after it. 

Ever since his mother had been the one to tell Yuta that Jaehyun had confessed to his father about his concerns for the longevity of their marriage, Yuta couldn’t deny that it had instilled fear into his heart, constantly in the back of his mind, Yuta found himself wondering if Jaehyun’s fear of married life was valid. 

Despite his concerns for the future, Yuta was quite pleased with the current present. Jaehyun had finished with finals, after two weeks which felt like the longest time ever to Yuta, and he was free from school for the time being. 

Jaehyun had come right from an end-of-the semester party to Yuta’s apartment, where Yuta had accepted his drunk fiancé into bed, fighting off his eager hands and forcing him to get some sleep instead. 

Yuta let Jaehyun sleep in somewhat late, then he went back into the bedroom, already fully dressed and showered, and pounced onto the taller man. 

“Wake up.” Yuta said, whispering right against Jaehyun’s ear. 

Jaehyun smiled, but didn’t open his eyes, instead he pulled at Yuta’s shirt, yanking him down against his chest. 

“You didn’t stay in bed with me long enough.” Jaehyun grumbled out, still clearly half asleep. 

“It’s almost 11!” Yuta exclaimed, adding a soft giggle at the end. 

“Time is a construct.” Jaehyun said, his large hands warm against Yuta’s back. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Yuta brought his nose to brush against Jaehyun’s, teasingly close to his lips but not meeting his of course, still refusing to give Jaehyun a kiss until he had brushed his teeth. Even if they were going to be married, Yuta would never submit to morning breath. 

“You aren’t too hungover right?” Yuta asked, pulling back to admire Jaehyun’s beautiful, sleepy face. 

“No, I didn’t drink that much. I was just a bit tipsy last night.” Jaehyun chuckled, as if he could remember his own behavior, not seeming to be ashamed of it. 

“I know. I have proof.” Yuta said, tugging his shirt down to show the trail of hickeys that Jaehyun had left on his collarbone. 

“That sweater you were wearing showed off your skin so well, what else was I meant to do?” Jaehyun said, a smirk across his face. He had one arm under his head, and the other wrapped around Yuta’s torso. He was clearly already much more at ease now that he was free from school. Temporarily, at least. 

“Well, if you aren’t too hungover then, I’d like to take you on that date I promised you last time.” Yuta said, softly playing with the small chain necklace that Jaehyun was still wearing around his neck. Yuta didn’t know he was the type to sleep with jewelry on. 

“Where to?” Jaehyun asked, voice raspy with sleep. 

“A picnic.” Yuta said, then rolled off the taller man. 

“So, get up and get dressed!” Yuta hurried away from the bed before Jaehyun could pull him back, turning around to see Jaehyun sitting up, obviously having reached for Yuta but failed to catch him.

“Hurry up, slowpoke.” Yuta teased again, then disappeared out of the room. 

  
  
  


-

  
  


The drive over to the park was simple. It was a nice morning, the air was fresh, and Yuta gave Jaehyun the directions using the newly downloaded google maps app on his phone. 

Once there, Yuta insisted that they hike a little bit down a path in order to find a small spot which was less crowded, and in the shade as well. Jaehyun carried the blanket while Yuta carried the basket, working as a team. 

“Put it down here, Jaehyun.” Yuta said, pointing to a spot under a big tree, right nearby several patches of wildflowers. 

Jaehyun followed Yuta, placing the large blanket down and waiting for Yuta to sit down first. He had gotten ready surprisingly fast, but Yuta guessed it didn’t take him a lot to become polished, it was more like a second sense, something that came natural. 

“Can you guess if I made lunch or bought it?” Yuta asked when Jaehyun had barely sat down. He was already sitting crossed legged. 

Jaehyun chuckled, raising his eyebrows and reaching for the basket. Yuta scanned him up and down, his hair was still slightly wet from the shower, unlike Yuta’s which he had already dried and styled, and somehow he managed to make a black t-shirt come off as expensive. 

“Will my answer offend you?” Jaehyun asked, after rummaging through the basket and pulling out the food. 

“Maybe.” Yuta shrugged, after pretending to think for a second. 

“I think.. this is store bought.” Jaehyun said, finishing his sentence with a pensive look on his face. 

“No! I made that, got up early and everything.” Yuta said, shoving at Jaehyun’s shoulder. 

“You did?” Jaehyun sounded surprised, even though Yuta really hadn’t done much. He’d only packed some sandwiches and side dishes, and cut up some fruit, it truly wasn’t that much. Yuta figured a child was capable of the same amount. 

“I’m not sure if I should feel flattered or offended that you’re surprised. Yes, I am getting over my kitchen phobia for you.” Yuta spoke with clear sarcasm in his voice. 

“I want to kiss you right now. You’re incredibly cute.” Jaehyun said, followed by a deep laugh. 

“What’s stopping you?” Yuta asked, leaning back and looking around the empty park area, as if to prove it was deserted. 

Yuta couldn’t continue looking around because Jaehyun grabbed his chin, tilting his lips up and connecting their lips in a sweet, and slow kiss.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, even after the kiss ended their lips were still close and their foreheads touching, both not prepared to separate from each other. A strong wave of content feelings washed over Yuta, which he was hardly prepared for, overwhelmed by the soft and heartfelt look on Jaehyun’s face. 

“You’re all mine now.” Yuta mused, tossing an arm over Jaehyun’s shoulder and moving even closer to him on the blanket. 

“Was school taking up too much of my time for you?” Jaehyun asked with a grin, slowly working his hand towards Yuta’s waist. He was still cautious with affection in public but Yuta could tell he was making progress, of course, no one was around to look at them regardless. 

“Far too much time.” Yuta replied, reaching across Jaehyun’s lap for his other hand, in order to play with his fingers. 

“You’ll get sick of me now, after the wedding.. and then the honeymoon.” Jaehyun said, with a lopsided grin. He took Yuta’s hand and intertwined their fingers. 

“How could I get sick when I haven’t hardly had enough of you yet?” Yuta rolled his eyes at the comment, sitting up straight instead of leaning against Jaehyun’s body now. 

“I haven’t had enough of you either.” Jaehyun said, and as if to prove his point, he closed the minimal distance between them with a hand in Yuta’s hair and his lips on Yuta’s. 

Yuta craned his neck and rested his free hand on Jaehyun’s knee. The kiss lasted longer than the previous one, and Yuta was not one to complain at the attention. He felt Jaehyun’s tongue flick against his lips to taste him once, and Yuta realized he’d been waiting for this moment. A moment entirely alone with Jaehyun again. 

Jaehyun sighed into the kiss, and his hand moved from Yuta’s hair to his cheek, cupping his face gently. 

“You’re the only thing I don’t want in moderation.” Jaehyun said, to which Yuta giggled in response. 

Yuta toppled them over like that, uncaring about the way the blanket flew up with the wind slightly as a result. He ended up on the taller man’s chest, and Jaehyun laughed along with him. 

He felt the happiest he’d been in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m sorry this chapter was shorter! they’ll probably be a mix of short and long chapters as we are nearly halfway through the fic!! i can’t believe it really, but i also am really looking forward to the chapters i have planned. thank you all for the constant support!! 
> 
> as always i’d love to hear anything ❤️ stay safe!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello guys! I know it’s been quite a while since the last update, and honestly, I’ve just been dealing with a lot of things and haven’t had time to write/edit! I hope this chapter is worth it, and make sure to go back and read if it’s been too long. I hope you guys haven’t lost interest in this fic. 
> 
> :)
> 
> (a/n this was my least fav chapter out of this whole fic to write so i’m sorry if that shows. upon revisiting i wish i had cut the wedding scene out.)

“I’ll be honest, I didn’t expect you to have this much stuff.” Jaehyun said and grunted as he leaned down to pick up another poorly taped cardboard box. 

Yuta grinned, following right behind him as they carried cardboard boxes to the elevator where they were being loaded downstairs. 

They had already brought the majority of Yuta’s belongings downstairs to the moving truck, where it was all being hauled up to their new home. Jaehyun had finalized the purchase after Yuta had accepted his offer, and now the house would officially be their new place of residence. It was definitely an adjustment, to say the least. 

“I‘ve kept a lot of things over the years. Actually, when I moved from my parent’s home, I brought a bunch of stuff with me and what I couldn’t take I put into storage.” Yuta explained, and then Jaehyun raised his brows at his words. 

“It makes sense. You’re quite sentimental.” Jaehyun said as he pressed the button on the elevator, taking them to the lower floor. 

“I guess I am.” Yuta replied, hiding a smile at how observant Jaehyun was with him. It was nice to know that Jaehyun understood certain things that others didn’t. 

“I know the house will have room for anything you’ve kept in storage.. so.” Jaehyun coughed awkwardly, and Yuta nodded, knowing what he was implying. 

They were nearly finished loading half the boxes into the moving truck when Yuta had a moment and froze in his steps, getting sudden deja-vu of the time when he’d done this same act, but with Doyoung. Back when they were still on speaking terms, Yuta had moved from his parents’ house with only the help of his now-estranged best friend and some movers. 

“Yuta?” Jaehyun asked when Yuta didn’t follow him back up toward the apartment. He had finished putting the rest of the boxes away by himself and Yuta felt bad that he’d spaced out and Jaehyun had done all the work by himself. Not that the younger man seemed to mind, of course. 

“Is there something on your mind?” Jaehyun asked again, his hand reaching up to tuck the strand of Yuta’s hair which was blowing in the wind behind his ear. 

Yuta debated speaking his thoughts into existence, humming softly. 

“Yeah. I just remembered doing this same thing with Doyoung, the last time that I moved, that’s all.” Yuta shuffled with his feet. 

“Oh, I see,” Jaehyun nodded, “have you had a chance to talk to him? Since Taeil and you met up?” 

Yuta had informed Jaehyun of all the things that Taeil had told him, as he’d needed at least someone to talk to and gather advice from on it, and he felt comfortable enough to ask Jaehyun. The younger man had given mature advice, telling Yuta to try to talk with Doyoung in person and decide where he wanted to go from there. 

“I texted him once. But it was kind of awkward.” Yuta shrugged, a slightly heavy chest in his chest as he admitted it. 

Truthfully, Yuta was terrified of the thought of getting married without his best friend of nearly 8 years being there. The wedding date was creeping up on him, a week away now, and he could hardly take it. 

“You should go, Yuta, even today. It’s evening now, not too late. You could just stop by his place and talk for a second, then see how you feel. I can tell it’s on your mind.” 

“You think so?” Yuta asked cautiously, his breath catching in his throat as well. 

“Yeah, you might feel better after just getting an answer, instead of continuing to wonder.” Jaehyun said, his hand resting on Yuta’s lower back. 

“Alright. I should.” Yuta nodded, inhaling in a deep breath. 

Jaehyun pulled Yuta back before Yuta could walk away, obviously suspecting that Yuta would try to leave as fast as possible, and pressed a kiss to his temple. 

“Call, or text later. Okay?” Jaehyun said. 

“Mhm. I will. Drive safe, Jae.” Yuta added on, with his mind already elsewhere. 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Yuta had already worked it out in his brain. He didn’t have any time to stall, yet it was evident that his fear had gotten the best of him. He was just going to knock on the door, say his part, and leave. He wasn’t going to go inside, or run away, he was just going to go through with his original plan

He sighed, taking another deep breath with his eyes fixated on the door in front of him, and knocked. 

There was the sound of scuffling from the inside of the apartment, and Yuta nibbled on his lower lip as he waited for Doyoung to get to the front door. 

“Hey.” Yuta said, without thinking, once Doyoung opened the door. 

“Yuta.” Doyoung has a wide-eyed gaze, clearly surprised to see Yuta on his doorstep. 

“I wasn’t expecting you.” Doyoung said, yet his tone wasn’t rude or harsh, it was filled with genuine shock at Yuta’s actions.

“Maybe I should’ve texted, or called—or left a message, or something but, I just wanted to stop by, and talk—because I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and—“ 

“Why don’t you come inside?” Doyoung said, stepping out of the door frame so that Yuta had a clear path to walk in. 

Yuta had promised himself that he was going to be quick, and he wasn’t going to stay for long, yet he didn’t find the strength in himself to turn down Doyoung when he had such kind eyes and such an inviting expression even after everything. 

Doyoung was dressed in pajamas, which Yuta couldn’t blame him for, yet the state inside of his apartment was rather clean for a person who had gone through a tragic breakup and dropped out of school all within a couple of months. Of course, Yuta knew that Kim Doyoung was somewhat of an anomaly. 

“Sorry for cutting you off there, it seems like you have a lot to say, I just didn’t really want the neighbors to hear it, you know.” Doyoung shrugged, and Yuta nodded in response. 

“Of course, I was the one who started rambling.” Yuta pursed his lips, unsure of where to start again. 

“I really didn’t expect to see you here again.” Doyoung sighed, still seeming a bit taken aback. 

“Taeil really moved out then?” Yuta spoke after a couple more minutes of silence and gestured to the empty apartment around them. 

“That’s right,” Doyoung said as if he was remembering again, “a few days ago now.” 

Doyoung paused then, and another awkward moment of silence fell between them. Yuta was unsure if he should speak first or not. 

“How did you know?” Doyoung asked gently. 

“He asked to meet me a couple of days ago, and I found out then.” Yuta said, awkwardly positioned in the middle of the hallway. 

“Oh,” Doyoung tried to make eye contact again, “what did you guys discuss.” 

“A lot of things. But he.. revealed some things to me, that made me realize that I might’ve been more at fault for things than I was taking credit for.” 

“What do you mean? What did he tell you?” Doyoung asked, and while there was no hostility in his tone, Yuta could still sense the caution and fear in it. 

“The things that you felt like hiding from me because I wasn’t there for you enough. Your mom’s illness.. dropping out of school… you could've told me Doyoung,” Yuta paused to swallow, “but, I can see why you didn’t. I wasn’t exactly making it easy for you.” 

“Yuta, you don’t have to—“ 

“Please, I should take some responsibility too. I failed to be there for you as an open friend and as someone who would be there to listen to you instead of just sharing my own problems.” Yuta exhaled, feeling some of the weight lifted off his chest already. 

“But I hurt you, Yuta. What I did isn’t excusable.” Doyoung murmured. 

“I know. But also, I don’t want that to be the way that our friendship ends. I know that you only hid it from me because you thought that you were doing the right thing.” Yuta choked out, only realizing at that moment that his voice had become slightly shaky. 

Doyoung’s eyes were brimming with tears, Yuta realized once the other man looked up. It brought a heavy feeling to Yuta’s own chest. 

“You don’t?” 

“I don’t. Kim Doyoung, you’ve been my best friend for far too long. I can’t just throw that away,” Yuta paused, sniffling and trying to stop himself from getting too emotional as well, “and, I want you at the wedding. I realized that a couple of days ago, I couldn’t stand the idea of getting married without you there. Even if it’s a mess, I want you to be there to witness it with me.” 

Doyoung was able to smile then, and Yuta was pleased that his attempt to lighten the mood was at least working a bit. 

They moved closer together, and then slowly, they met in the middle and hugged. It felt strange after so long, but deep down Yuta felt more at peace again. 

“Thank you.” Doyoung muttered. 

“I know I never said it a lot before..” Yuta paused, as they pulled away from their hug, “but I love you.” 

The pair of them broke into laughter, and Doyoung nodded. 

“I usually said it first, you’re right. I love you too.” 

Yuta smiled then, all wide and proud. 

“You didn’t burn your wedding invite or anything though, right?” 

“I would never!” 

  
  


-

  
  


The next week or so leading up to the wedding felt like less of a blur and more of a slow pull. Yuta wasn’t sure if it was due to the anticipation or the fact that most of the wedding preparations were already done now, and he had nothing better to do than watch old movies and pack up stuff in his apartment. 

Yuta had slept in a little bit, due to staying up late and binging television on his laptop. 

His apartment was scarily empty now that the majority of the furniture had been removed. He only had the bare minimum left and the place felt nearly desolate since it was only him. 

However, all Yuta had to do was send a text to Jaehyun about how his fridge was bare because of the move, and he rushed over to bring Yuta food. Perhaps it was taking a bit of advantage of his situation, but Yuta did enjoy the amount of power he held. 

With the couch and small dining table both gone, there was only one singular bar stool at the counter left. Yuta had grinned and pushed Jaehyun down onto it first before he settled down onto his lap causally. 

Yuta had already finished with his food and was now picking off the rest of Jaehyun’s plate, only to have the younger lift his fork and feed him the food himself. It was quite a cheesy gesture, basically proving how it was already domestic enough between the two of them. 

“Thank you,” Yuta swallowed completely, “for bringing the food. I mean it.” 

“Anything for you. Especially on my last day as your fiancé, I have to prove myself.” The younger man chuckled. 

“You don’t, though, ” Yuta brought his hand to cradle Jaehyun’s jaw, “you’re such a good man.” 

“I’m lucky you think so. Especially when I had such terrible role models.” Jaehyun’s already crooked smile grew wider. 

Yuta laughed with him and then leaned in to press a quick kiss to his lips, short and sweet. 

Jaehyun’s words settled in more, and it truly began to hit Yuta that they were so close to being married now. It was still scary and unbelievable even the day before, despite having enough time to prepare. 

“It’s crazy though, isn’t it? We’ve basically known that tomorrow was happening for most of our lives.” Yuta sighed his hand on the back of Jaehyun’s neck now. Jaehyun’s own hand was wrapped gently around the elder’s waist. 

“I know. Hyung, I’ve been counting down the days since I first met you.” Jaehyun said with his eyebrows creased together mockingly, and his lips pouted. 

“As if. You disliked me a bit at first.” Yuta rolled his eyes. 

“I can’t help that I’m not the best with emotions. I was just cold, but I never hated you,” Jaehyun said, “but now, I think I’m a much more appreciative lover.” 

Jaehyun proved his point by reconnecting their lips in another kiss, softly tilting Yuta’s jaw downwards. 

“Mhm,” Yuta brushed his thumb against the other man’s lips, earning a kiss to the pad of his thumb, “are you sad that there isn’t any time for a bachelor party?” 

“Not really, no. Are you?” Jaehyun asked, clearly curious as to why Yuta was asking him so suddenly. 

“No. It’s kind of a silly idea I think. I don’t care much for it.” 

“I agree.” 

Their noses were practically touching with how close their faces were. 

“What are you thinking about?” Yuta asked, bringing one of his fingers to brush against the buttons of Jaehyun’s shirt. 

“I wish we were on the way to Bali already.” Jaehyun mumbled, and then nudged his nose against Yuta’s neck. 

“Oh, I see. You’re more excited about the honeymoon than the wedding.” Yuta chuckled, raising his eyebrows. 

“Not exactly that. Although, I’m ready to have you as my husband already. I don’t know why we have to proclaim our love in front of everyone.” 

“We just have to recite the vows and get it over with.” Yuta rolled his eyes at Jaehyun’s classic unconventional behavior, it was quite common for him to be against old designs and traditions like that. 

“Isn’t it also bad luck to see each other before the wedding day?” Jaehyun said, with a grin. 

“Where’d you hear that?” Yuta exclaimed, “I thought it was on the day of the event, not before it. Sheesh.” 

“Some movie.” Jaehyun said, followed by a soft laugh. 

“Great. Now you have to get out of here.” Yuta pushed at his shoulder but made no move to get off Jaehyun’s lap. 

“In a little bit.” Jaehyun said, holding onto Yuta a bit tighter than before. 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Yuta had been prepared for this day since he was a young child. From the moment he discovered what marriage was and how it worked, then when his dear mother informed him that he wouldn’t have to worry about it until he was older. 

And Yuta was older now. 

There had been many perspective changes on his idea of marriage from that age, and along with his many ups and downs with his betrothed, yet Yuta felt prepared as he was ever going to be. 

It may not have begun with cliché romance for Yuta, the two of them circled each other with disdain and contempt at first of course, which soon turned into friendship, then led into twisted jealousy and possession—it certainly hadn’t been uneventful. 

They had come so far from that, however, growing further away from the immaturity and judgemental nature that they first met each other with, and turned into something where they tried to understand each other. And of course, the physical attraction, which Yuta couldn’t deny had already started at the friendship stage between them. 

Much of their past was on his mind today, as he was settled in a chair, in front of a mirror, having his makeup and hair done by his mother’s stylist—per her relentless and constant begging, Yuta had caved in. 

The woman’s hand jostled his hair, which drew Yuta out of his trip down memory lane. She was straightening his hair, and rather harshly so, but Yuta wasn’t exactly distracted by that. 

He almost turned to look when his mother entered the room, which was located near the back of the church because it was a chapel, it had rooms for dressing because weddings were quite frequent there. 

“Keep still.” The woman reminded him with a steady hand, and Yuta shifted back toward the mirror. 

“Hello, mother.” Yuta mumbled, not looking up at her through the mirror. 

“Your friends aren’t in here with you? I thought you’d want to be spending these last few hours with them.”

Yuta nearly scoffed at her passive-aggressive tone but refrained. 

“I’m getting married, not dying,” Yuta snapped back in response, “also I’m too nervous to talk right now.” 

“Wedding nerves are completely normal dear. It would be frightening if you didn’t have them. Remember your sister threw up before her ceremony and you had to rush to the corner store and grab her medicine?” His mother sounded far too normal, sharing an old story with almost a nostalgic tone in her voice. It was out of character for her, Yuta thought. He began to suspect that she wanted something. 

“That was pretty terrible.” Yuta mumbled, tilting his chin upwards as the stylist started to work on his eye makeup. 

“I’m afraid that I’ve raised extremely nervous children.” She said, settling down on one of the chairs near the rack of ironed clothing. 

_Yeah_ , Yuta thought to himself, _because of the pressure you’ve placed on all of us._

“But try not to worry too much. Your marriage is a great help to us all. It’s a peace treaty in some ways.” 

“I don’t know how it’s helpful to view my wedding as a business transaction.” Yuta said, growing a bit conscious of the fact that the stylist, a stranger, was hearing about all their personal business. Upon second thought, she was his mother’s stylist, which probably meant that her silence was guaranteed. 

“But it is, my darling. Your grandfather and Jaehyun’s grandfather had a massive feud, which could’ve ended in blood and tragedy, however—because of this union, it’s saving your father’s career in politics, and the family reputation.” His mother continued on, and Yuta’s eyebrows creased are her words. 

“I don’t understand why—“

“They were political enemies. Until they came to an agreement, after your grandfather dug up a bunch of dirt on the Jung family, and threatened to ruin them—your betrothed’s grandfather pledged to have his son go into a different field and to keep the Jung family out of politics forever. As long as your grandfather didn’t ruin the family’s reputation. I won’t share what the dirt was, of course, because I myself don’t even know. However, the tensions between our family stayed high. Which is exactly why your union was the perfect way to repay the Jung family for their losses.” 

Yuta was speechless, disgust building up into his throat. His eyes stung a bit, at the tense reminder that he was used as a pawn in business for his family. 

“I meant, I don’t understand why you’re telling me this now. Not that I wanted you to explain all of that.” Yuta said, eyes focused on his cold mother’s reflection in the mirror. 

“I’ve planned to tell you this on your wedding day. It reminds you of just how important your union is. How you must make it work. No matter what happens.” 

“Please, leave. I’d like to be alone now.” Yuta said, albeit with a shaky voice. 

Instead, she walked over, shooing the stylist away and placing a hand on Yuta’s shoulder.

“You know I was against it at first. But then when your father revealed all that to me, I realized how crucial it was. This is our way of surviving, Yuta.” 

Her tightened face turned into a sly smile, and she tilted her head to the side. 

“But you look beautiful, my son.” 

With that, she turned on her heels and left the room. Yet the impact of her presence and words hovered over Yuta and deep in his chest, unable to shake them. 

  
  


-

  
  


Beyond the great wooden doors of the large chapel room, Yuta could hear the conversation and soft piano from inside. The chatter that practically echoed through the doors made Yuta even more nervous if that was even possible. 

The sound of footsteps from behind startled Yuta, and he turned to see his father, stone-cold gaze on his face, with his arm already extended out. 

“They’re waiting for you.” He said, voice gruff and low. 

“I’m terrified, dad.” Yuta checked the cufflinks on his jacket for what must’ve been the third time, and then looked over his shoulder twice. It was clear that all the guests had already made their way to the grand room, and everyone really was waiting on him. 

“Just get it over with.” His father spoke, yet didn’t smile. But it was normal body language for him. Yuta didn’t find it surprising. 

“I’ll walk with you.” He added on. It hadn’t been in the plan at all, but Yuta figured that his mother had sent him to do damage control, which is exactly what his father was doing. 

Yuta just nodded, deciding it would be best if he went on autopilot mode. He took one last deep breath and tried to remind himself that it was Jaehyun he was getting married to. He wasn’t some stranger. Yuta knew him. 

He was the man that Yuta was beginning to find himself falling in love with. Whether he was prepared to admit that or not yet. It was the truth. 

Yuta swallowed tightly, then linked his arm with his father’s own, approaching the door with him. He reminded himself to keep his posture straight, and his eyes pointed forward. 

He was certain that he’d gripped harder onto his father’s arm than he’d meant to as the door opened. Before he could take another breath, he was met with the sight of filled church pews, heads turning to look at him as everyone settled down into their seats. 

Yet Yuta was only focused on one face in front of him. 

Yuta almost wanted to let go of his father’s arm and rush to the end, as the anticipation of walking down the aisle was far too much. 

He made sure not to fumble his steps, even though his legs felt shaky, and he was suddenly very grateful that he had an arm to help him stay grounded. 

Even from a small distance, Yuta could see that Jaehyun had pursed his lips like he was holding his breath, and his arms were in front of his body, hands clasped together. Yuta was glad to know that he wasn’t the only one who was itching to get it over with, obviously nervous. 

He felt all his troubles and worries slowly melt away in his chest, once he was at the end of the aisle, and stepped up onto the podium. The beauty of the entire mess of the way they’d been brought together was how even when Yuta was met with the stinging reminder of how their marriage was an arranged one, was when Jaehyun looked at him and reminded Yuta that there was much more to them than how they’d been brought together. 

“Hey.” Jaehyun whispered softly, as the audience became settled and the piano music came to a cease. 

“Hello.” Yuta replied, looking up into Jaehyun’s eyes. Jaehyun’s face had turned up into one of those smiles where it showed his teeth entirely. 

Jaehyun grabbed Yuta’s hands softly, lifting them up and gently holding onto his fingers. Yuta’s breath hitched in his throat. 

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Nakamoto Yuta, and Jung Jaehyun, under the eyes of God.” The priest was a female, per Yuta’s own request. 

“Now, please repeat after me.” 

The vows became a blur after that, both of them murmuring soft ‘I do’s,’ whenever it was their turn to share, it was almost an echo by the end. Yuta was aware of all the eyes on them, but he wasn’t bothered by any of their presence. The only thing that mattered was that they got through the whole ceremony together. 

“I, Nakamoto Yuta, take this man, Jung Jaehyun, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.” Yuta echoed the vows back to Jaehyun after he’d recited his own. 

“Before you are announced to the world as husbands, is there anything else you’d like to add?” The priest stated. 

Yuta almost spoke to object but was caught off by Jaehyun nodding. He grew silent. 

"Yuta, in the presence of our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful and honest partner in sickness and in health, in all the good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live." Jaehyun’s words were strong as he spoke, yet there was a slight tremble in his voice which made it all so much more meaningful.

Jaehyun had rendered Yuta speechless. The older man hadn’t even noticed how his eyes had already become brimmed with tears at the corners, but it was most likely due to all the strong emotions in the air. Even the way that Jaehyun was gazing upon him with so much adoration was enough to overwhelm him. 

“You have always been better with words than me.” Yuta muttered and heard a few light laughs in the audience. 

Jaehyun let go of one of Yuta’s hands in order to wipe the tears from the corners of his eyes. 

They both turned to look at the priest once more, as she now was holding a cushion with both the wedding rings placed onto it. 

“If you are both finished with your vows, it is time for the rings.” The priest smiled. 

Jaehyun slid Yuta’s ring on first, and Yuta watched as the gold band was placed onto his finger. 

He grabbed the ring with shaky fingers and placed it onto Jaehyun’s ring finger. 

“These rings are a representation of the vows and promises you two made here today. They will forever serve as a reminder of this day.” 

There was a silent pause, as the words and the power behind them settled between them both. 

“I hereby pronounce you as lawfully wedded husbands. You may now kiss to seal your vows.” 

Neither of them waited for a second more, clearly both eager to get off the podium and away from all the prying eyes, even though they still had a reception to get to. 

Yuta’s hands linked around the back of Jaehyun’s neck while Jaehyun’s laced around his waist, and their lips met in a strong kiss, both meeting with passion and fire. 

The kiss quickly became wet due to the residue of Yuta’s tears, but neither of them seemed to mind, as they only pulled away when the clapping began. The room was filled with cheers and whoops from the crowd. 

All loud enough to drown out anything that the pair of them said to each other. 

Their foreheads pressed together and their bodies still close, Yuta was taking it all in slowly. 

“We did it.” Yuta exhaled. 

  
  


-

  
  
  


The wedding day had felt long enough already. 

Yuta and Jaehyun had quickly signed the marriage certificate, taken pictures, very awkward and stuff ones with their parents, and then headed over to the venue where the reception was being held. 

There, they had been forced by both of their parents to go around the room and greet many distant relatives as a couple for the first time, which was quite draining in Yuta’s opinion. He could easily tell Jaehyun wasn’t really enjoying it that much either. 

However, he was pleased with the design of the venue, all the soft touches of the detail in the dangling lights and the flowers on each of the guest tables. Yuta wanted to find Taeyong later and thank him properly before they left. 

“Okay, we can escape now, because we get to change out of the wedding ceremony stuff.” Yuta leaned forward to whisper into Jaehyun’s ear. 

“Do we get to change together?” Jaehyun muttered against Yuta’s ear, and Yuta just laughed. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. All that confessing love and vows seems to have put you in a mood.” 

“It’s all the love in the air.” Jaehyun smiled softly, and Yuta shook his head. Yuta couldn’t deny that it was so strange to look at him and to be hit with the realization that they were married now. 

“Let’s go, before someone else catches us,” Jaehyun said eagerly and tugged on Yuta’s hand in order to get him to hurry up. 

Yuta’s cheeks flushed a bit as they rushed out of the room together, ignoring the looks they got from guests. 

“Are there even changing rooms here?” 

“There should be… if not we’ll have to change in the car or something.” 

Jaehyun wiggled an eyebrow suggestively. 

Yuta pushed at his chest and began to make his way up to the upper floor, with Jaehyun following closely behind. He slowly realized he probably should’ve told someone where they were going, as it looked a little bit odd to leave in the middle of a reception, especially when you were the married couple of the hour. 

  
  


-

  
  
  


Yuta had convinced Jaehyun to change in separate rooms even though he was more than excited to be connected at the hip with Yuta. 

The outfit he had chosen to leave the reception in was a billowy white shirt, that hung loosely off his back yet snugly on his waist, it was tucked into a pair of fitted black pants that suited his form well. 

Yuta was also wearing something underneath the shirt. A body chain, hidden by the high collar of the shirt, which hooked down his chest and around his waist. 

Yuta quickly patted at the eye makeup around his eyes, realizing in a bit of annoyance that the stylist had certainly not used waterproof, and it had leaked a bit, giving him a grungier look than he was going for at the moment. 

He tucked his dark brown locks behind his ears, then headed out the door, where the younger man was already waiting for him. 

Jaehyun was wearing a white button-up and black jeans, except the shirt wasn’t tucked into his pants, unlike Yuta’s. He also had a silver chain necklace that was visible due to a couple of buttons on his shirt being unbuttoned. 

Things felt more electrified between them, most likely aided by the fact that after they had waited for so long, their bond would be permanent. Both of them knew what was to happen later on their wedding night. 

In a traditional omega and alpha marriage, they waited until the wedding night to mark each other in any way, and while they had come close to breaking that rule many times before, they’d been strong enough to resist their instincts. In most ways, at least. 

It was common that omegas had a much higher level of control and restraint compared to alphas when it came to bonding, or refraining from it. 

“I still think we should’ve changed together.” Jaehyun grinned, and Yuta fought back a laugh at how eager he was. 

“Shush.” Yuta muttered, leaning up to peck Jaehyun’s lips, who tried to chase after for more. 

They went back downstairs hand in hand, both unexpecting of the amount of applause they got when they walked back into the room. 

Jaehyun’s hand didn’t stray from Yuta’s waist as they made their way to the head table, where their parents were. Yuta went to greet his grandmother first. 

“I’m so glad you could make it.” Yuta said with a wide smile on his face. 

“Of course. I said I would, so I did.” She leaned forward, pinching at Yuta’s cheek. 

Jaehyun chuckled lightly when she gestured for him to lean down as well so that she could do the same to him. 

Yuta guessed it was a good sign since she’d been rather distant towards him during their first meeting. 

“When are you two heading out of here?” She asked, referring to the large dance hall. 

“Probably later. But we have our flight scheduled for 8pm.” 

“Don’t leave without saying goodbye to me.” She said, her eyes squinted in a threatening manner. 

“Never!” Yuta grinned. 

After some more small talk with her, Yuta made his way, with Jaehyun following, to their seats. They didn’t bother to greet their parents. 

Dinner went by rather fast, and Yuta was pleased with how the catering service went, there weren't any errors or mishaps with the food, which was one of the things Yuta had been anxious about. Once it finished, he excused himself in order to get up and go to find Taeyong to greet him. He’d been invited, of course, even though the wedding planner had been surprised when Yuta had handed him an invite, Yuta insisted that he come and see all his work paid off. 

Taeyong was dressed in a snazzy leopard printed jacket and a black button-up, and Yuta smiled at the blonde-haired man, approaching him and enveloping him in a gentle hug from behind since Taeyong was sitting. 

“Hey! There’s the groom. Or one of them, I mean.” Taeyong chuckled, and Yuta nodded. 

Yuta’s hand lingered on Taeyong’s shoulder. 

“How is your seat? I trust that my friends aren’t bullying you, right?” Yuta asked, referring to Taeil, Doyoung, and the date that Taeil had brought along. Yuta was pretty sure his name was Yunho. 

“No! Of course not.” Taeyong exclaimed. 

“You make us look like some kind of evil clique.” Taeil shook his head, going along with the joke. 

Doyoung looked a bit nervous, and Yuta just smiled, giving him a genuine grin. They had seen each other briefly after the ceremony ended. Doyoung had been a bit weepy, and they’d hugged and Doyoung had confessed how happy he was to see Yuta married. It was incredible how even after everything, and with some underlying awkwardness still there, they could remain friends. 

“I just wanted to thank you for all you did. You really helped make this whole thing turn out beautiful. I couldn’t have asked for a better wedding planner.” 

“It’s no problem! I’d do it again—I mean—for an anniversary or something of course, not trying to say you will be having another wedding anytime soon.” 

The whole table laughed at Taeyong’s joke, and Yuta just rolled his eyes. 

“Anyways, I’d better get back.” 

“Keep in touch!” Taeyong yelled over the music, doing a phone gesture with his hand. 

“Of course. We’re pals now.” Yuta shouted back. 

Yuta thanked Taeil and Yunho for coming and gave Doyoung a shoulder squeeze and one last smile before leaving their table. 

  
  


-

  
  


When Yuta returned to the table, it was already time for their first dance as a married couple. Yuta exhaled a breathy sigh, a little bit embarrassed as more people gathered around the dance floor and Jaehyun held his hand up as they made their way to the middle of the floor. 

“Shall we give them a show?” Jaehyun whispered to Yuta’s ear, as they began to dance slowly. Yuta realized the last time they’d had a formal dance like this was at his sister's wedding. Back when Jaehyun had been cold, distant, and jealous. A big contrast from how he was now. 

“We already are.” Yuta replied, easily turning around as Jaehyun spun him into a circle. 

“I bet we could do even better.” Jaehyun spoke again, his breath still tickling against Yuta’s ear. 

The way that Jaehyun’s hand was lingering on his lower back was dangerously intimate, showcasing just how gentle, and protective that Jaehyun was. 

Jaehyun spun Yuta around so that his back was flush against his chest. He spun him around again quickly, and they continued swaying to the soft sound of piano and violin. 

With ease, Jaehyun spun him around once more and then dipped Yuta backwards halfway. Yuta laughed, surprised by the skill that he didn’t know Jaehyun even had. 

“Where did you learn how to do that?” 

“I’m full of surprises.”

“I don’t know if you should say that on our wedding day—“ 

Yuta was cut off by Jaehyun’s lips meeting his own. He was still suspending him in the air, then he slowly brought him back up. The crowd once again—clapped—it was as if they were being paid to do so. Yuta wondered if what they’d just witnessed looked planned. He sort of hoped it did. 

The dance was finished once the song was over, and the rest of the guests rushed to the dance floor. After a couple of songs, Yuta felt like it was almost the perfect time to start saying goodbye. 

  
  


-

  
  


When they finally left, it almost felt like they were in a getaway car with how quickly they shoved their suitcases into the backseat and got into the car. 

The drive to the airport didn’t take too long, and soon enough they were already waiting in an airport security line. 

Yuta still had a giddy feeling in his chest every time he looked down at the ring on his finger. He began to realize that newlywed bliss wasn’t exactly a myth. 

“Why are you reading about stuff to do in Bali already? We have a 7-hour flight, you can read it then.” Yuta chuckled, nudging at Jaehyun’s shoulder. 

“Probably won’t have wifi on the plane.” Jaehyun mumbled but grinned at how Yuta was obviously trying to get his attention. 

“You’re a dork.”

They made their flight with a bit of rushing through the airport to their gate. Yuta was finally hit with how tired he was once they were seated, and the cabin lights in the plane were off. 

Jaehyun held Yuta’s hand, linking their fingers over the armrest. 

“It’s our second vacation together.” Jaehyun said, whispering low since they were in a quiet zone on the plane, where talking wasn’t really permitted once the lights were off. 

“Does a trip to my grandma’s really count as a vacation?” Yuta asked. 

“Sure it does.” 

Yuta was genuinely giddy about the prospect of being entirely alone with Jaehyun now. No other distractions, just each other. It sounded extremely blissful. 

  
  
  


-

  
  


It turned out that Yuta hadn’t been too excited to sleep, and instead, he’d fallen asleep for almost the entire flight. Jaehyun had only taken a ‘nap’, he claimed, but Yuta was sure he’d been asleep for most of the flight just like him. 

There was already a driver waiting for them at the airport when they landed in Bali, just as Jaehyun had specifically ordered, since he’d been the one to plan most of the honeymoon. 

Yuta wasn’t exactly surprised by the traffic, even though it was late, it was a pretty busy city and tourist destination, especially since they were close to the airport. 

They drove a little bit out of the way, however, and Yuta gaped out the window once they arrived at the resort.

“Wow, this place is nice.” 

“You like what you see?” Jaehyun called from behind him, hauling his own suitcase and Yuta’s as well, which Yuta took out of his hands. 

A staff member of the resort led them to their own private villa once they checked in at the front desk, she spoke English, which Jaehyun also knew, so they conversed with each other as they made their way to the villa. 

Yuta wondered if she knew they were in fact newlyweds, or if the rings on their fingers weren’t clear enough. Yuta fought back a sigh, realizing it was hard going to be hard to have such a handsome husband because almost everyone was always hitting on him. 

However, he felt reassured when Jaehyun thanked her, Yuta adding on his own thanks, and looped his arm back around Yuta’s waist once they were completely alone. 

The villa was absolutely marvelous inside, it had such a beautiful design to it. Yuta went outside onto the deck first, glancing at the beautiful sight of the sunrise and the infinity pool, all the trees and foliage just added to the scenery. 

Yuta was pleased at how the suite had tall ceilings, and how the windows brought so much open light into the rooms. It was more than enough, a bit eccentric almost. They seemed to be completely secluded, together in this villa which was separate from the main resort.

Jaehyun followed him to the bedroom once Yuta finally made his way there. It was the only room that had a rather large and obvious curtain which could block out the sun in the morning. And prevent anyone from looking inside, as the bedroom needed the most privacy. 

The bed was huge, enough to fit more than the two of them, and with white curtains draped almost canopy style around the sides. 

Yuta couldn’t help but grin when Jaehyun linked his arms around him from behind, despite his usual flustered reaction to any kind of back hug. 

“So, did I pick well?” Jaehyun asked with an obvious grin. 

“You did.” Yuta purred back in response, leaning into the embrace rather than shying away from it. 

Jaehyun’s nose brushed against Yuta’s hair, then trailed down to his neck, pressing soft kisses to any of the exposed skin. 

“And I think I’d like to thank you for it.” 

Jaehyun chuckled low at the suggestion from Yuta, evidently pleased at the other man’s open attempt of flirting. 

Yuta turned around, holding a finger to Jaehyun’s lips to prevent him from moving forward into a kiss. 

“Is it even technically our wedding night anymore?” Yuta chuckled further as Jaehyun began to stumble forward, Yuta going backwards as well as a result. 

“By our standards, anything is possible.” Jaehyun muttered, obviously distracted. 

Yuta gasped when Jaehyun hoisted him up slightly, and they both fell backwards onto the end of the bed. Yuta fumbled to get comfortable in Jaehyun’s lap, and both of them were laughing at how awkwardly they’d landed on the bed. Yuta was straddling Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun lifted his arms to hold Yuta by the waist, and Yuta grinned at the way his eyes examined over his figure. 

“You look amazing in this outfit. Did I say that yet?” 

“Perhaps.” Yuta shrugged, making sure that his tone sounded disinterested. 

“I guess you aren’t tired then.” Jaehyun cocked his head to the side. 

“I slept on the plane for a reason.” Yuta said. His breath hitched in his throat as he felt Jaehyun tugging on the hair on the back of his neck slightly. 

Their lips met as Jaehyun pulled Yuta into a kiss, a slow and languid movement of both of their mouths. Yuta slid his hand over the bare patch of skin on Jaehyun’s chest which was exposed due to the buttons he’d left undone intentionally. 

Yuta’s mind felt fuzzy, any coherent thoughts blurred by the heat from the close proximity of their bodies. Jaehyun’s large hands proved they were also a distraction, as they traced over the dip of Yuta’s waist down to his hips, then thighs. 

He was quite glad that they hadn’t waited until the night of their honeymoon to make love for the first time. Although Yuta was sure it wouldn’t have been awkward or anything, it felt magical due to the fact that they were familiar with each other’s bodies, knowing what the other person liked and disliked already was quite a perk compared to fumbling around and trying to become acquainted all in one night. 

Jaehyun shifted his leg slightly so that it was in between Yuta’s legs, and Yuta’s eyes fluttered at the contact. 

Yuta was the one who broke the kiss, his lips trailing to Jaehyun’s jaw. He moved his hips forward slightly as well, enjoying the pull and strain of the friction from Jaehyun’s thigh in between his legs. 

“You like that?” Jaehyun said in a low voice, and his breathing was evidently heavier. 

“Isn’t it obvious to you?” Yuta snickered playfully, trailing his hand lower across Jaehyun’s rippled and muscled chest, even unbuttoning more buttons along the way. He leaned down and nipped at Jaehyun’s ear. 

The omega wasn’t subtle with the touch of his hand, as he went directly for Jaehyun’s crotch, palming into his pants. The younger man groaned and tilted his head back, clearly caught a bit off guard by the forwardness. 

Jaehyun grabbed for Yuta’s ass, nearly slapping his hand against it. Yuta shuddered in response. It felt as though they had all the time in the world to be with each other, yet Yuta was still in a rush for more attention, and wanted to feel Jaehyun all over him already. But he could learn to be patient. 

“I’ve already told you, I like it harder than that.” Yuta whispered against Jaehyun’s ear, teasing him for how light the slap had been. 

Jaehyun raised his brow, and Yuta observed the redness in his ears. 

“I don’t mind it if you use your strength on me, you know, I find it really sexy.” Yuta continued on, lifting a hand to brush part of Jaehyun’s now fully unbuttoned shirt off of his shoulder. 

This clearly ignited something in Jaehyun, because he leaned forward and took ahold of Yuta by the neck, crashing their mouths together in a messy kiss. Jaehyun’s tongue was entering Yuta’s mouth before Yuta had another second to think about it. He pushed his hips forward again, just to get his point even further across. 

“Yuta,” Jaehyun murmured, “you’re sinful.” 

“What?” Yuta asked with a smirk, quirking his head to the side. 

“I mean it in the best way possible, you’re desirable in every way. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. Only you.” Jaehyun pressed his hand into the arch of Yuta’s back, forcing their chests together. 

The praise flustered Yuta slightly, but he hid it, removing the rest of Jaehyun’s shirt for him.

”I’m so lucky I get to see you like this. And all night too.” Jaehyun purred out. 

“Please,” Yuta cracked his composure, swayed instantly by the dirty talk. 

Jaehyun’s hand brushed up against the front of Yuta’s already tight enough pants. 

“Ah—let me, let me go get cleaned up then I’ll be back.” Yuta pleaded. He felt like an absolute wreck already and he knew he needed to clean up first if he wanted to have any confidence left by the end of the night. Not that there was anything wrong with feeling like a mess because of Jaehyun, though. 

“I think you look perfect just like this.” Jaehyun smirked, rubbing his hands up and down Yuta’s back.

Yuta managed to wiggle out of Jaehyun’s iron tight grip and into the bathroom with his toiletries bag, after much struggle. He was grateful that Jaehyun had good stamina, but sheesh, the younger man made him feel a bit out of his league. 

In the bathroom, Yuta wiped off the majority of his ruined makeup and washed off his face. However, some of the dark eye makeup remained, and he decided to leave it. He combed out his messy hair again, and then brushed his teeth. Yuta drank some water from one of the cups in the bathroom, taking a deep breath. He decided he was ready. 

Jaehyun was still on the bed when Yuta returned into the room, and Yuta couldn’t help how his eyes roamed over the man’s naked body. 

“C’mere.” Jaehyun gestured, and Yuta approached slowly, unsure of how to hold himself. 

“In my lap, Yuta.” Jaehyun corrected him when Yuta didn’t come up onto the bed, and Yuta flushed a light pink color. He crawled up onto the mattress, on his hands and knees. 

He observed Jaehyun watching him and grinned, curving his back into a further arch. 

Jaehyun pulled Yuta forward when the omega didn’t make any further movements, and Yuta settled down into his lap. 

The scent of Yuta’s own arousal was strong, even he noticed it himself, and Jaehyun was clearly taken with it, nudging his nose against Yuta’s neck and flicking his tongue out to taste the mixture of sweat and scent. 

“Undress yourself for me.” Jaehyun said, and Yuta raised his eyebrows at the order. 

“I don’t want to rip any of your nice clothes. They look expensive.” Jaehyun explained, and Yuta nodded, nibbling on his lower lip. 

With a shaky hand, he reached for the back of his neck and began to unbutton the shirt, which only had two buttons at the back to secure it. 

It fell off his shoulders easily, and he shrugged out of it with his arms, swiftly removing it and tossing it to the floor. Despite himself, it was still a bit intimidating to be exposed in front of Jaehyun, who was sculpted perfectly. 

“Yuta, fuck, wow.” Jaehyun rambled, words slipping out without any connection to each other. 

He glanced down, remembering the body chain he’d put on earlier. The cold metal was quite a contrast against his skin now, and he shuddered as Jaehyun ran his fingers over it, pressing it further into his skin. 

“I’m not taking this off of you yet,” Jaehyun growled, “you’re so beautiful.” 

Jaehyun’s trailing hand made its way to Yuta’s nipple, bringing part of the chain with it and pressing the cold metal against his flesh, along with his thumb. 

Yuta gasped, bucking his hips against Jaehyun as a result. Yuta’s eyes were wide as he felt himself bloom with lust deep inside of him. 

His patience became tested as Jaehyun leaned forward and connected his lips to Yuta’s nipple, swirling his tongue around the bud. Yuta cradled the back of Jaehyun’s head, unable to stop his hips from making little forward movements against the other man’s warm body. 

In a daze and with his face pressed against Yuta’s chest, Jaehyun began to unbuckle Yuta’s pants very roughly, and Yuta understood what he meant by he might rip them, as his hands weren’t gentle with the fabric at all. However, the elder man didn’t stop him or protest as he yanked the pants down around his thighs. 

Jaehyun grabbed his ass right away, slapping one cheek and then the other. Yuta barely reacted to each slap, which seemed to cause Jaehyun to grab his ass even harder than before. 

“No underwear?” Jaehyun asked, “don’t tell me you went around like that.” 

Yuta shook his head, “no,” he smirked then, “I undressed out of them in the bathroom. I promise.” 

Jaehyun was a pretty possessive lover at times, Yuta realized, and it was an obvious turn on. 

“Don’t be grumpy.” Yuta continued the topic in a taunting nature, then removed his hands from Jaehyun’s shoulders in order to pull the rest of his pants off.

Jaehyun practically groaned as he was subject to watching Yuta lean back in his lap to slip out of his pants, ass and dick on full display. 

Yuta knew he was being a tease. 

Jaehyun’s thigh returned between his legs and Yuta moaned this time, as there was no clothing barrier between them now. 

“I almost want to use my mouth on you for the rest of the night,” Jaehyun murmured, “all over you. I want to taste every part of you.” 

Yuta loved the sound of his idea, but at the same time he wanted something else too. 

“But, I want you to..” Yuta started, words caught in his throat suddenly. 

“To what?” Jaehyun raised a brow. 

“Fuck me.” Yuta said, finishing his sentence. 

“I know. I can smell it on you, baby. You’re like an open book to me.” Jaehyun said, and as if to prove his point he rubbed his leg further against where Yuta was sitting on it. 

“I’ll have to save that for another night where you aren’t so desperate.” Jaehyun continued, bringing Yuta’s chin to face him, and licking into his mouth. 

Yuta groaned, the friction becoming unbearable. Jaehyun’s hands cupped his hips, ceasing the movements he was making with them. Yuta whined in protest as his erection was pulsing and he needed release. 

“You don’t want to just get off on my thigh, right?” 

Yuta shook his head, neck tilted back as he bared himself unintentionally. 

“Use your words, hyung.” 

Yuta creased his brows at his words, and realized that perhaps a bit of defiance was necessary. He pushed away at Jaehyun’s hands on his hips, and began to ride against his thigh, picking himself up and dropping himself back down while using all his core strength. 

“Oh, so you do then? Alright.” Jaehyun sounded insanely nonchalant, leaning back and allowing Yuta to work himself on his thigh. 

Yuta panicked internally, as he hadn’t expected this at all. 

“Show me that you don’t need my cock, then.” 

Yuta gasped and fought the complaints brimming in his throat at how badly he needed to be touched and held, as Jaehyun was now laying against the pillows with his arms behind his head, not even touching or holding Yuta. 

“But—“ Yuta tried to speak, his thighs becoming weak from the strain and he began to slow down his previously quick movements. 

Jaehyun removed one of his hands from behind his head in order to slap Yuta’s ass, then thigh. Yuta shuddered with pleasure and satisfaction since Jaehyun had finally got the message and done it properly. 

“That’s too slow. How are you ever going to get off at that pace? I thought you didn’t need me to help you.” Jaehyun muttered. 

Yuta was shocked by how hot Jaehyun was like this, his commanding aura was almost too much for Yuta to handle. 

“I do.” Yuta mumbled low, still trying to grind his hips slowly after he’d gotten tired of the bouncing. 

“What was that?” Jaehyun asked, hand gripping Yuta’s jaw. 

“I need you to fuck me.” Yuta complained, his head lolling back a bit as he felt the younger man’s hands cradling his ass with no gentle touch whatsoever. 

Jaehyun leaned forward, biting against one of Yuta’s already hard nipples. 

“Brat,” Jaehyun whispered, “you don’t even say please.” 

“I’ll take you, but like this. You’re gonna ride my cock just like you were riding my thigh, except you aren’t gonna do a lackluster job, right?” Jaehyun whispered against his ear, pulling into Yuta’s hair as he did. 

Yuta moaned, the heat building up in his stomach enough. Jaehyun was slowly melting him down, taking him apart, and Yuta loved every second of it. 

“Jae..” Yuta whined, hips weakly stuttering forward. The lack of praise harmed Yuta’s ego in the hottest way possible. 

With that, Jaehyun rubbed two fingers against Yuta’s already clenched tight hole, and Yuta exclamined. 

“You’re wet already, maybe I was wrong, you can get off even when you’re being lazy.” 

Yuta collapsed his head into Jaehyun’s shoulder, embarrassment peaking as he felt his erection was painfully hard against his stomach now, unable to do anything about it. 

Jaehyun noticed too, using his other hand to flick his thumb over the head of Yuta’s untouched cock. 

“A-Ah, please, please.” Yuta said, stuttering his hips up into Jaehyun’s touch. 

Jaehyun took pity in Yuta for a second, running his hand down the shaft quickly and jacking him off for about a minute or so. Yuta pleaded and thrusted into his hand as much as he could, grateful for the touch even though it didn’t last very long. Jaehyun removed it right when he suspected Yuta was clearly close due to the fast and uncoordinated pace his hand was moving over his cock. 

“Poor baby. Aren’t you always the one saying you’re older so you should be in charge too? Look at you now, hyung.” Jaehyun chuckled darkly. 

Yuta resisted the urge to bury his face into Jaehyun’s neck and hide, and instead he just nibbled and kissed the side of Jaehyun’s jawline. 

“I need lube for you.” He said, and Yuta grew eager, knowing that it was getting closer and closer to him having Jaehyun’s big cock stuffed inside of him again. 

Yuta didn’t hesitate to slip off of Jaehyun’s thigh, however he did whimper at the loss of friction, before stumbling over to the bedside, where his pants were laying on the floor with the bottle of lube in the pocket. He reached down for it, nearly crawling off the bed in order to do so. 

Jaehyun was behind him, not so surprisingly since Yuta had legs spread and his ass up in the air, just how Jaehyun liked it. He rubbed himself to the omega’s ass, no shame in the groan that escaped his throat as he did. 

“I want you in me now.” Yuta said, looking back over his shoulder at Jaehyun with such intense desperation. 

“Such a whiny little thing.” Jaehyun tsked. 

Jaehyun mapped his hand against Yuta’s back, dipping his hand into the perfectly curved arch of his back then trailing it up to the rounds of his ass cheeks. 

He manhandled Yuta back into a sitting position, and dribbled the lube over his lower back, wetting both his fingers and his cock in the lubrication. 

He spread Yuta’s cheeks, then harshly rubbed his dry thumb over Yuta’s clenching and contracting hole. 

“So tense tonight. Bet you’ll be tight.” 

Yuta’s eyes clenched shut as Jaehyun pressed his fingers up into Yuta’s entrance, and Yuta urged himself to relax, yet his body was stiff with desire and suspension for what was to come next. 

Jaehyun was clearly aware of this. He seemed to be enjoying it too, with the breathy chuckle that fell from his lips and caused Yuta to shiver. 

“Don’t get so worked up, baby.” Jaehyun muttered, and his tone had turned serious suddenly. 

“How can I not?” Yuta said, complaining. He tilted his head back, pleading for Jaehyun to hurry up with a silent gaze that he hoped was enough to convey what he really wanted. 

“I’ll make you relax.” Jaehyun promised, lips hot against the back of Yuta’s neck. 

Jaehyun slipped another finger inside of him, his knuckles deep inside. 

“I want you.” Yuta pleaded. 

“You have me.” Jaehyun answered, except with a more gentle tone this time. Yuta found himself appreciative of it. 

Yuta fell quiet as he concentrated on the pleasing sensation and kept his lips pursed together. However, Jaehyun didn’t take kindly to his sudden silence, and instead he curled his fingers deeper, adding a third and causing Yuta to curse loudly as a result. 

Jaehyun pulled them halfway out to tease, then shoved them back in without warning, and Yuta moaned even louder as Jaehyun scissored his fingers at different angles, playing and teasing with his hole. 

“Turn around.” Jaehyun said in a deep voice, and removed his fingers entirely. Yuta only let out a small gasp at the loss. 

Yuta scrambled to turn around, mounting back into Jaehyun’s lap with ease. Yuta felt like he was trying to memorize every line and part of Jaehyun’s body and facial expression in that moment, eyes catching every detail. He knew there would be more time for that later, but he couldn’t help but revel in the beautiful sight of Jaehyun’s desire. 

He knew what to do, taking Jaehyun’s already lubricated cock in hand and pressing it up against his fluttering hole, but Jaehyun batted at his hand, holding onto his hips gently. 

“So desperate. You need to go slowly.” 

“I’m not made of glass.” Yuta replied, a little bit snarky. He could tell Jaehyun liked the attitude, by the dark and smug look on his face. 

Yuta leaned in to capture Jaehyun’s lips on his own as he settled down, mouth falling open in the middle of the kiss as he sunk down completely, yet still slowly, onto the alpha’s cock. 

“Fuck! That’s deep, why are you so long, god—“ Yuta tilted his head back, gasping and adjusting to the large stretch inside of him. The first stretch was a white hot pain, he nearly saw stars in his eyes from how overwhelming it was. 

Jaehyun cut off his rambling again with a kiss, as he was used to it by now, bringing his hand to gently cradle Yuta’s throat as they began to rock softly, allowing both of them to get used to the position. 

Yuta wrapped his legs tightly around Jaehyun’s body, and dug his nails into his broad shoulders. 

Jaehyun noticed how Yuta’s movements were clearly hesitant and slow, and his face scrunched up in slight pain. 

“Is this too much?” Jaehyun asked, cautious. He clearly didn’t want to do anything that could cause harm to Yuta’s body. 

“N-no, it feels good, really good, like I haven’t felt so good in a long time.” 

The strain and pain in Yuta’s thighs and pelvis was worth it, as he began to lift himself up and down, mouth open in ecstasy. His cheeks were flushed pink, and his hair sticking to his face and the back of his neck already. 

“Good. You’re doing so good.” 

Jaehyun’s praise was in fact enough to urge Yuta on, speeding up the movements of his hips and practically bouncing up and down now. 

“Like that, yes, Yuta.” Jaehyun murmured more praise, tilting his jaw up and trailing his eager lips all over Yuta’s warm skin. 

Yuta hummed in response, using Jaehyun’s shoulder’s as his leverage to rock up and down on his cock. It felt good to be the one in control of how he earned his pleasure, and Yuta was suddenly so thankful that Jaehyun had wanted Yuta to ride him. His hips were burning, but it was worth it, every ache because of the weight of him moving up and down on Jaehyun’s dick. 

Jaehyun being the overachiever even during intercourse, couldn’t just let Yuta do all the work of course, he had dug his hands into Yuta’s plush hips, helping him move and snapping up into him to meet each of his movements. 

“Jaehyun,” Yuta spoke his name like a curse, leaning forward and pressing his face into his neck, “please.” 

The younger man took over and thrusted up into him, holding harder onto Yuta’s hips and fucking upwards into his tight, wet heat. The body chain which Jaehyun had never removed jangled lightly, making contact with Yuta’s skin each time that their bodies made any big movements. 

Yuta mumbled incoherent curses and reached downward to stroke himself, with the intention of releasing some of the pain and pressure. 

Jaehyun thrusted deep inside, hitting that sweet spot, and Yuta gasped against his shoulder. 

“There, right there.” Yuta pleased. 

“You look so pretty, all ruined for me.” Jaehyun whispered, then he swatted away Yuta’s hand over his dick, replacing it with his own. 

“A-ah, I want you to.. to..” Yuta tried to speak, unable to as they both moved and bounced on the bed in sync. 

“Mark me before I come, please.” Yuta said, and Jaehyun’s dark eyes seemed to grow even wider at the suggestion. 

There was no time for words now, Yuta could feel the change in the room as the hormones between them grew nearly too suffocating, and Jaehyun had a certain glint in his expression—almost dangerous. In a hot way. 

Yuta yelped when Jaehyun pushed him down onto the mattress, his back making contact with the bed as Jaehyun hovered over him. There was little restraint in the way Jaehyun thrusted in this position since he had more leverage, driving into Yuta at a maddening pace. 

The elder tilted his neck back as Jaehyun languidly trailed his mouth over Yuta’s scent gland, tongue and lips moving against the skin. 

Jaehyun pulled Yuta’s squirming hands above his head, trapping his arms down against the bedding, and lacing their hands together. 

Within the next few seconds, Jaehyun’s teeth sunk into Yuta’s neck, biting entirely into the flesh. Yuta yelled at the pain, toes curling as a rush of heat spread down his spine and through his neck, exactly where the mark was. 

Yuta had always wondered if it was truly painful as people said, or it was all a rumor. It was in fact one of the most painful things he’d felt in a long time. 

However, Yuta had no time to recover from it as Jaehyun continued to fuck deeply into him. He tried to soothe the bite mark with his lips. 

They rocked together for what almost felt like eternity, Yuta felt almost dizzy from the mark. His body clenched instinctively around the cock buried deep inside of him, 

The overwhelming sensation of Jaehyun’s knot beginning to swell and the high from the bite were enough to drive Yuta over the edge, untouched. He came with a shout and dug his heels into Jaehyun’s back.

Yuta gasped, chest heaving as Jaehyun grew relentless and fast with his strokes, his movements had become frantic. 

Jaehyun pulled away from Yuta’s neck, lifting his face so that he could look into the elder man’s eyes. Yuta’s expression was glossed over, all dazed and fucked out. 

The younger man moved both of Yuta’s legs to the side, twisting and manhandling his body. 

“Jaehyun,” Yuta murmured his name again, his voice turned whiny and pitched slightly. 

Yuta whined and turned his cheek toward the bed as the knot swelled bigger inside, lifting a weak hand up to Jaehyun’s chest, brushing at his nipple. 

“I’m close.” Jaehyun promised, clearly assuming that Yuta had grown weaker from the over-stimulation. Which wasn’t the case for Yuta entirely, he thought it felt sort of good to be fucked and used past his orgasm, his body already sore and sensitive. Pliant. 

“Finish in me.” Yuta said, moaning at how slick he was as Jaehyun moved inside of him. It was natural for an omega to become slick during sex even outside of a heat, but Yuta hadn’t been that prone to it his whole life. 

Until now, of course. 

Jaehyun tensed, thrusting once more before he stilled entirely and came inside of Yuta, his knot locking and swelling to its fullest. Yuta’s mouth hung open. It took Jaehyun a minute or two to catch his breath. 

Once he did, he brushed the sweaty hair out of Yuta’s face, cradling Yuta’s face with his hands 

He helped position Yuta back so that his legs were no longer pushed awkwardly to the side, coming to gently rest in between them. 

Yuta closed his eyes when Jaehyun pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, nose touching his skin. 

“My love.” Jaehyun whispered, head gentle as he rested against Yuta’s collarbone. 

There was something Yuta loved about the way Jaehyun was so careful post-sex with him, and the sensation of having him inside still. While he knew some despised it, Yuta felt like it added to the ecstasy of it all. 

Yuta softly brought his lips to the top of Jaehyun’s head, then sighed, content. 

Neither of them made any sudden or strong movements, wrapped in a loving embrace. Yuta never wanted to move. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol, that was a lot of filth for a wedding night but, what can I say, not big on weddings so I did my best. 
> 
> hope you all enjoy the calm before the storm ;) 
> 
> stay safe guys ❤️


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, hey guys! i know it’s been over a month since my last update, which i do apologize for, but unfortunately my schedule is a lot different than what i had going on over the spring, so updates aren’t as frequent. thank you to everyone who has still shown interest to this story, and who is still curious about where it’s going.
> 
> now, a HUGE thank you to [purepaperplate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/purepaperplate/pseuds/purepaperplate)  
> who proofread this chapter, i’m so grateful for the amazing help, seriously!! 
> 
> i hope you guys enjoy.

Yuta couldn’t recall when he’d actually fallen asleep, but he was sure he’d slipped into it as soon as his head had hit the pillow. 

The past few days had been filled with enough activity to warrant a good night's sleep. The first official day there they had already been to a museum, learning about the art and history of Indonesia. That same day they had also seen much of the nightlife, which was quite touristy due to the fact that they were so close to a large resort, but it was enjoyable regardless. The food and drink, along with the company of Jaehyun, was enough to satisfy Yuta. 

Of course, much of their days had _also_ been spent in bed. 

The honeymoon period wasn’t a myth it seemed, with the way neither of them could stand keeping their hands off of each other for very long especially in such close quarters with nowhere else to go. 

Yuta rubbed at his eyes, pulling the sheet closer to his body.

Jaehyun wasn’t in bed beside him, but he could hear noise from the added-on kitchen, hinting that he was up to something in there. 

Yuta sat up and tilted his head towards the doorway when Jaehyun walked into the room. He was holding a cup of coffee in one hand and walked over to set it on Yuta’s bedside table. 

“For me?” Yuta asked, grinning. 

“Yeah.” Jaehyun smiled in response. 

Even in his sleepy state, Yuta took note of his appearance. He wore loose sweatpants and a tank-top that showed off his arms nicely, distracting Yuta from saying thank you, and instead he pulled Jaehyun down onto the bed with him by his already outstretched arm. 

The mattress dipped slightly under the added weight, and Yuta lightly pecked Jaehyun’s lips without thinking much of it. 

“How long have you been up?” Yuta asked, noticing Jaehyun’s hair was slightly damp; he must’ve showered already. 

“Two hours or so.” 

“You’ve already had a whole day without me then,” Yuta chuckled, glancing over at the clock that showed it was already 11 am. 

Jaehyun seemed to be chuckling under his breath, Yuta noticed, observing the smug look on his face. 

“What?” 

“You gave me a morning kiss.” 

Yuta blushed, realizing he’d gone against his own oath of kissing before brushing teeth. 

“Well!” Yuta exclaimed, settling back against the pillows, “It cancels out because you’ve brushed your teeth already. Plus, it was just a peck.” 

“Always with the excuses.” Jaehyun muttered, leaning forward in order to try to take Yuta’s lips again. 

“No,” Yuta croaked out, voice still hoarse with sleep, “you can’t win again.” 

“So you’re admitting I won.”

“Just shut up.” Yuta giggled, kicking at where Jaehyun was sitting on the bed. 

Jaehyun stood up from the bed; “I’ll order some breakfast while you get ready.”

“Even though I won.” He added as he walked out of the bedroom. Yuta tossed a pillow after him. 

  
  


-

  
  


Yuta was quite satisfied with the day so far. They had eaten a nice breakfast outside, rolled around on the daybed for a moment, and once Yuta realized it was almost noon, they had gotten ready to leave before they spent the whole day at their condo. 

After taking advice from a waiter they had met during breakfast, they decided to commute to one of the beaches. 

The sand was hot under Yuta’s feet, and he complained about Jaehyun forcing him to remove his flip flops and put them into a bag before they walked. 

“You’ll thank me later when your shoes aren’t all sandy.”

“No, I don’t think I will.” Yuta replied, immediately settling down onto the towel which Jaehyun had set down first. 

“That one was for me.” Jaehyun shook his head. 

“Too late.” Yuta grinned, glancing up at Jaehyun by tilting his sunglasses down slightly. 

The younger man looked gorgeous and beach ready; even with a short-sleeved Hawaiian shirt hanging off his body, he still managed to look more suave than any model Yuta had ever seen.

Jaehyun grabbed another towel, setting it down directly next to Yuta. 

“I can’t wait to get into the water.” Jaehyun said, shrugging off his already unbuttoned shirt. 

“You don’t think the water is too cold?” Yuta asked cautiously. 

“Even if it is, it’s hot enough that it will feel good, hyung.” Jaehyun answered. 

Yuta’s attention shifted towards Jaehyun’s arms, as he began to rub sun cream onto them, making sure not to leave any streaks. 

_That body,_ Yuta thought to himself, twisting his head towards the moving waves instead. He needed to get his mind out of the gutter.

However, Jaehyun made it impossible. It was as if being bonded to him made it even worse, what with Jaehyun practically releasing pheromones every time he even looked at Yuta’s neck. 

“Can you do me a favor real quick? I can’t get my shoulders.” Jaehyun chuckled, holding the bottle out for Yuta. 

Yuta just nodded and swallowed, leaning closer in order to rub the sunscreen into Jaehyun’s shoulder muscles. 

“Thanks. I can get your back—” 

“Uh, I’m fine, I have this tank-top on.” Yuta spoke quickly. He wasn’t a fool, he knew that a black tank-top wasn’t much against the sun, but Yuta knew that if Jaehyun put his hands on him, he would suddenly be in the mood to _leave_ the beach. 

“Suit yourself, hyung.” Jaehyun quipped with a grin, then stood up. 

“Are you gonna swim now?” Yuta asked, his voice unintentionally whiny. He'd expected Jaehyun to at least lay with him on the beach at first. 

“Just gonna test the water.” Jaehyun said, then approached the waves without any hesitation or even a look back. 

Yuta put a hand over his eyes, to futher block the sun, just to get a clear view of him. Jaehyun jumped into the water quickly, without a moment to pause.

Yuta settled with his knees up against his chin. He could feel the heat beating down on his skin, with no umbrella or shade to protect him from the sun. 

Part of him wanted to join Jaehyun in the water, but another part of him was scared of the cold, so he stayed put.

A couple minutes passed; Jaehyun was still swimming in the water, moving further and further out. 

Yuta was grabbing a water bottle when he turned his head back toward the water in interest, watching as Jaehyun returned to the beach with a frisbee in hand, then approached a child further down the beach. He handed the kid the frisbee with a smile. 

“God.” Yuta said to himself, clearly, Jaehyun had swum out further just to get the frisbee for some stranger's child. Yuta wondered how he hadn’t picked up on Jaehyun’s casual good samaritan tendencies before. 

Jaehyun walked back towards him, eyes squinted, and his cheeky smile wide. Yuta paid more attention to the way water clung to his hair and cascaded down his body, only adding to his perfection as he ran a hand through his wet hair. 

Yuta was still holding the water bottle, he realized, quickly taking another sip. He needed it. Badly. 

Jaehyun was dripping water when he came over and Yuta moved away playfully. This seemed to encourage Jaehyun even more. 

“Give me a hug.” He said with a mischievous grin on his face. 

“Why don’t you get a hug from someone else, superman.” Yuta said, playfully pushing at his wet chest. 

“Come on, come swim with me.” Jaehyun said, with a more serious tone now. 

“It looks cold.” Yuta shrugged. 

“Is something bugging you?” 

“What! No, no...” Yuta shook his head, glancing back around; “I just.. don’t really feel like taking my shirt off here.” 

Sometimes Yuta felt a bit more self-conscious than was necessary about his own body, especially next to someone like Jaehyun. Which was strange, because sometimes Yuta had bursts of confidence where he had no fear of dressing or showing off whatever he wanted, then other times, his insecurites seemed to take over. 

Yuta rubbed at his neck doubtfully, the side of his neck without the bite mark, since it hurt to touch at the moment. He had gotten a couple of intrigued glances from people so far on their trip, and he wasn’t sure if it was due to their surprise at his omega status or the fact that the mark was so fresh. Either way, he found the gawking rather irritating. 

“You don’t have to be.” Jaehyun said while patting his face dry with a towel. 

“And hyung, even if you don’t get into the water, you should put sunscreen on. I don’t want you to get burnt.” 

“Fine, give me the bottle.” Yuta replied, somewhat absent-mindedly. 

Yuta glanced around the beach, realizing that most people had umbrellas covering themselves or just simply weren’t looking in their direction. He didn’t want to worry about what they thought, anyway. 

He carefully pulled his shirt over his head, his knees still up by his chest. He sat up straighter in order to rub the lotion into his chest and belly, struggling a bit when he tried to reach his back. 

“Hyung, let me help you. It’s not a big deal.” Jaehyun said, reaching for Yuta’s straining wrist. His deep voice made Yuta turn to look, dropping his hand right away. 

Yuta was sure he detected some surprise on the larger man’s face as he rolled over onto the towel, making it easier for Jaehyun to help him without having to crane his neck. 

He hated how heat rose onto his cheeks as if they hadn’t already gone much further. Perhaps it was due to it being in public, paired with Jaehyun having zero shame, that caught him off guard. Their interaction was completely innocent, yet something about Jaehyun’s hands on his back made Yuta’s mind go crazy with suggestions. The vulnerability of the position made Yuta want to hide his face away. 

The cold sensation of the lotion against his back caused Yuta to shiver slightly, met only with the gentleness of Jaehyun’s large hands on his bare skin. Jaehyun rubbed circles into his skin in order to rub the lotion in, yet it reminded Yuta of the time he’d given his legs a slight massage; his hands were just as gentle and skilled. 

It almost felt like Jaehyun’s whole palm could fit against the span of his waist, as he traveled lower with the lotion, making sure to cover the whole span of Yuta’s back. 

The boldness of his touch made Yuta’s breathing quicken, and he collected himself silently, but it wasn’t enough to hide what was happening. 

“I’m glad you still get flustered even though I’m your husband now. I didn’t want to miss that look on your face.” 

“I hate you.” Yuta muttered, turning his face back into the towel. 

“We’ll talk more about that later.” Jaehyun chuckled, and patted Yuta’s lower back, leaning down so that the span of his broad chest was flush to Yuta’s shoulders, and placing a kiss to the side of his head. 

“Evil—” 

“Cute.” Jaehyun cut him off. 

Jaehyun stood up again, then held his hand out to Yuta. 

“Come to the water with me, it’ll cool you off.” 

“Are you saying I’m hot? Without even asking?” 

“You always are, babe.” 

“You’re so corny,” Yuta exhaled, then cautiously grabbed onto his hand, “but then again, what did I expect from a man who watches romantic dramas.” 

“I do not.” 

“That’s literally what you were watching last night.” Yuta laughed, and he was smiling wide now. 

“You can’t prove anything.” 

With a grip on Yuta’s hand, Jaehyun broke out into a run toward the water, taking Yuta with him. 

“Hold on—it’s cold!” Yuta giggled at the sensation of the chilly water against his feet and calves now, as Jaehyun pulled him closer. 

“I’ve got you,” Jaehyun said, his voice a deep rumble. 

Yuta gasped as Jaehyun circled his arms around him from behind, picking him up with ease and pulling them further into the cold water. 

“Jaehyun! Put me down!” Yuta splashed with his feet, which no longer made contact with the sand. 

Yuta wiggled out from his grasp and used his advantage to splash more water all over the alpha, not that it phased him at all. 

They splashed water back and forth at each other, not caring of how some of the salty ocean water got into their mouths or in their hair, none of that seemed to matter now. 

Yuta squealed when Jaehyun picked him up again, made easier by the water, and dunked him underneath. In return, Yuta splashed him and used his weight to sink him under as well. 

“I think you like this a little too much.” Yuta mumbled, as he worked his arm around the taller man’s shoulder and clung on, trying to forcefully push him down. 

“Speak for yourself,” Jaehyun grunted in response, kicking Yuta off his feet. 

Yuta was unable to hold back a gasp when Jaehyun unexpectedly placed a kiss against his neck, brief and quick, then moved away. Yuta could spot the smug look on his face as he swam backward. 

Once they had tired themselves out in the water, they made their way back to the shoreline and laid on their towels. The sun was still beating down, but it was a bearable warmth. 

As the sun began to slowly set, Yuta rolled over onto his side in order to admire the sight of Jaehyun laying beside him. A soft feeling of bliss settled deep in Yuta’s stomach at the lovely sight of Jaehyun relaxed and completely still under the setting sun and the cold breeze from the ocean.

“I can feel you staring.”

“Hmm, how’d you know?” 

Jaehyun smiled even with his eyes closed. 

“Your breathing got much closer.” 

“I gave myself away then.” Yuta shrugged and rolled completely back onto his towel. 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


The days grew much hotter as their stay continued, which meant they spent almost every day either at the beach or in the pool. On their last night at the resort, it was humid enough that Yuta could feel the sweat sticking to his back, which wasn’t exactly pleasant. 

But the view was worth it. 

The night sky was perfectly clear, and the soft sounds of the branches of the trees moving against eachother along with the sound of moving water were so peaceful and calmin; a perefect night to end their trip.

Even with the added humidity, Yuta didn’t mind having Jaehyun close to him on the sunbed, especially since one of his hands was practically glued to his hip. They had spent most of the evening at the bar and shared a few drinks and dances l. The atmosphere was relaxed and calm now, as Yuta softly traced his fingers over where Jaehyun’s arm was splayed across his chest.

Yuta had already showered and was wearing one of his larger shirts, which he tended to sleep in, and his hair was pulled away from his face in a low ponytail. Jaehyun was unsurprisingly wearing a black shirt and sweats. Yuta traced the v-neck of his shirt absent-mindedly. Jaehyun gave his hip a squeeze in return. 

“You know,” Jaehyun started, “when we get home, the renovations will be finished. So, that means we are coming directly from our honeymoon into our new home.” 

“What brought that thought process on?” Yuta asked, turning his head up to look at Jaehyun. 

“I don’t know, just my mind drifting I guess.” 

“Hmm, no. Stay in the present with me.” Yuta turned his head back toward the view of the night sky, and earned a chuckle from Jaehyun. 

“I want you to be with me.” Yuta added, barely above a whisper.

“I’m here. Not going anywhere.” 

There was no personal space between them at all, barely any room to breathe, and it was exactly how Yuta liked it. Part of him, deep down, wished they could stay like that. Unmoving, and frozen together. 

“What if we slept out here?” Jaehyun said, clearly joking if the playful tone in his voice was any indicator. 

“And let the bugs crawl all over us? I don’t think so.” Yuta glanced up at him, unable to keep himself from smiling. 

“Hmm.” Jaehyun didn’t answer and instead leaned down to capture Yuta’s lips with his own. 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


Once they returned from vacation, and without a day of rest from traveling, they were summoned to dinner with their parents. Yuta was sure his mother and mother-in-law wanted all the details from their trip, and to push more unwarranted advice on the newlywed couple. 

Yuta had hoped that once they were married, they’d be able to opt-out of things like social calls. Sadly that didn’t seem to be the case, not yet at least. 

He also dreaded the fact that his mother had been the one to choose the restaurant. Against his wishes, she’d chosen her favorite French restaurant with a name that was impossible for Yuta to pronounce. 

The table they were seated at was in a private room, per usual.

Yuta had always hated the layout of a private room. It was too cramped and crowded for him, especially when it was filled with people he despised. He was tired of playing charades with Jaehyun’s parents, and his own, like they weren’t the most selfish and ridiculous people he knew. 

He felt slightly at ease with Jaehyun by his side, but it was still hard to soothe his nerves or his mood. Yuta kept his gaze low and focused on his hands under the table, where his ring finger was out on display, a wedding band in place of where his engagement ring had once been. Yuta wore the engagement band on his other hand, sometimes. 

Yuta had been subjected to his mother’s piercing gaze all evening, no doubt because he’d ignored many of her texts and calls which she had rudely sent _during_ their vacation.

The topic of the evening had stayed on business and politics, much to Yuta’s dismay as he didn’t care that much about any of it, pitching in a couple of ideas here and there but for the most part, he focused on getting frequent refills for his champagne and sharing secretive looks at Jaehyun every now and then, especially when their parents were bickering about some ridiculous topic. 

Yuta was drawn out of playing footsie under the table with Jaehyun when his mother, in all her glory, stared him down with the obvious intention to bring his focus back to the conversation at hand. 

“My brother was kind enough to save his home for Jaehyun, before he moved off to Thailand to retire, which was generous as you can’t find homes like that in that type of neighborhood easily anymore.” Jaehyun’s father rambled on, and Yuta realized they had gone back to discussing the _future_. 

“Such a family-oriented neighborhood,” Yuta’s mother said, as if to suggest something deeper. 

“Right, it really does bring up the idea of children,” Jaehyun’s mother began, “which could probably wait a couple of months, to years for them.” 

“Years? I wouldn’t say that. Yuta is at his prime age right now—” 

“Mother.” Yuta cut her off, his jaw stiff and shoulders tensed. 

“You always get so embarrassed when I bring up childbearing, Yuta. It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” his mother added. The blunt sharpness of her tone was too much for the room, clouding up everywhere and settling uncomfortably on Yuta. 

“Well, if we are going to discuss this, I’d say that having children too fast would be a chore. Especially since Jaehyun isn’t yet finished with school… I wouldn’t want him to be burdened with something so trivial.” His mother continued, lifting her rosé up to take a sip. She was absolutely venomous, Yuta thought. Her audacity to talk about her son’s own choices and attempt to make his decisions for him was still as overbearing as ever. 

“Jaehyun and I plan on trying for children eventually. But it’ll be on our own terms. I don’t want to be stuck home with a child and no help, you see.” Yuta forced a smile, clasping Jaehyun’s hand on top of the table, squeezing into his hand in an attempt to get him to play along so that their parents would _shut up._

“Yuta—” Jaehyun started, but Yuta tapped his foot against Jaehyun’s shin under the table. Jaehyun paused in confusion. 

Both of the women turned, with their eyebrows raised as if they remembered the pair’s existence for the first time that night. 

Yuta was sure that if he still lived at home, his mother would’ve certainly chewed him out for speaking out of turn on the way home from dinner. Yuta’s tactic worked, however, and the topic of children was dropped. 

He was quite happy to leave, as the hour-long dinner had taken up most of his energy for the night.

The walk out to where Jaehyun’s car was parked was deathly silent, which evoked a strange sense of concern in Yuta’s chest. 

Before he could ask Jaehyun if something was wrong, he got into the driver's seat and shut the door. Yuta followed into the passenger seat. 

“We’ve never discussed the topic of kids before,” Jaehyun said as soon as Yuta was in the car and had buckled himself in. 

Yuta wanted to sigh but held it back. He was done discussing this and had been ever since their parents had brought it up. Yuta had no patience left for the topic. 

“Yes, because we aren’t in any place in our relationship to do so.” Yuta said simply. 

“And you decide that?” Jaehyun asked, baffling Yuta with his words and a rather passive-aggressive tone. The rather stubborn alpha was full of surprises, it seemed. 

Yuta creased his eyebrows, feeling nervous at Jaehyun’s tone, suddenly. It was true that they’d never discussed the future and what they wanted yet either. Yuta had somewhat impulsively made up an excuse for them at dinner, not thinking much about it until now. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to offend you, or attack you. I was only caught off guard by how certain you sounded.” Jaehyun spoke through the silence since Yuta had grown quiet and still. 

“Then, tell me how you feel about kids. Because right now, I have no idea. That’s why I said it would be on our own terms, Jaehyun.” Yuta said, staring Jaehyun down. The younger man didn’t return the eye contact. 

“I’m not trying to argue with you.” Jaehyun said, turning the key and starting the car instead. 

Yuta wasn’t that surprised, Jaehyun hardly ever liked to discuss or open up about stuff, becoming distant instead. Yuta always had to be the one to pull it out of him. But he still found it irritating that he wanted to sweep this topic under the rug when it was the perfect opportunity to have a talk about it. Like adults. 

The rest of the car ride was awfully silent. Yuta kept his hands in his lap, and his eyes focused on the window. He waited for the younger man to initiate something first, or try to patch things up, but he was just as quiet. 

“Are you not going to say anything?” Yuta asked. 

“You’re clearly upset.” Jaehyun replied as if he’d been waiting to say it. 

“Can we just go home then?” Yuta asked, shoulders hunched and his gaze focused on the passenger car window. 

“Yuta—” 

“I’d just prefer to go home.” Yuta said, turning back to face the window. 

Jaehyun changed the direction of the car, listening to Yuta for once, instead of taking them to get dessert as they’d planned before the disagreement. 

They got there quickly, and Yuta unbuckled his seatbelt hastily, not wanting to sit in a silent car with his husband anymore. 

“Hey, wait—” Jaehyun was cut off again by the sound of Yuta slamming his door shut as he got out of the car. 

Jaehyun followed, walking around the front of the car in order to catch up with Yuta. 

“We shouldn’t just end this conversation here,” Jaehyun frowned.

“It’s not like you were trying to continue it,” Yuta answered.

Yuta wanted to sigh or groan out of sheer frustration at how difficult Jaehyun was making things. He only wanted to be left alone to _think_. 

“I’m sorry, again. I hate when I upset you, I never know how to properly resolve things with you. It was my fault in the first place for being so defensive and hostile about the topic. You don’t deserve that,” Jaehyun said, and Yuta felt himself relaxing as he spoke. 

Yuta flicked his eyes down, then back up at Jaehyun. 

“I want you to be honest with me about that kind of thing, but I get why it upset you. I just... don’t want you to shut me out. I do the same sometimes, I get it. But we have to work together not to act that way.” Yuta didn’t want to make eye contact as he spoke, fighting the urge to turn around entirely. 

“I’ll try to do better;” Jaehyun stepped forward, cautiously reaching for Yuta’s open hand. 

“Thank you,” Yuta murmured softly. 

Miscommunication was something that Yuta found very concerning. It was the root of their entire relationship, and Yuta felt like it was only going to develop more as they got even closer, falling deeper into each other. He was plagued by the worry that Jaehyun was using him as a tool to heal, yet he couldn’t just admit his insecurity in how stable their relationship was. Yuta hated how much reassurance he constantly needed yet was too afraid to ask for. 

  
  


-

  
  


It was strange to be in an entirely unfamiliar place after coming home from a somewhat long vacation. Usually, coming home from vacation meant returning to the schedule and surroundings of home, but with the adjustment to the new house, it didn’t have those same feelings. 

The house was beautiful—but it didn’t feel like a true home yet. 

Instead, the past few nights Yuta had been tossing and turning trying to get used to the feeling of being in such an unknown space, it almost felt like the vacation had simply continued. It didn’t feel like a natural adjustment, more like an artificial one. 

Yuta stumbled into the living room, much later in the morning then he should, with tired eyes and somewhat bad posture from tossing around all night _again_ , only to find his betrothed settled on a couch, which must be the new one that had finally been delivered. 

“Good morning.” Jaehyun jumped up from the couch, a little too fast, unlike Yuta who was still walking quite slow. 

Jaehyun moved to Yuta’s side, and to Yuta’s surprise, he pressed a kiss to the side of his cheek. Jaehyun had been caught up the past few days with making sure everything was in order since it turned out even though all the renovations were finished, a lot of the new furniture still hadn’t been delivered. It wasn’t like he’d been distant, or cold, but rather forgetful to show affection the way that Yuta liked it. 

“That’s the new couch?” 

“Yes, what do you think of it?” 

Yuta glanced around at the monotone living room and bit his cheek, scanning over the black leather couch in the middle of the room. He was considering if speaking his mind was best or staying silent. 

“It’s nice but, it doesn’t really add much to the living room if that makes sense.” 

“Ah, I see.” Jaehyun seemed to be suppressing a smile. 

“What do you see?” Yuta raised an eyebrow. 

“Come on, you haven’t even had breakfast yet.” 

Yuta wanted to scoff as Jaehyun turned and began to walk away from him. 

“I’m afraid I can’t. I need to get ready, I told Taeyong I’d go shopping with him today.” Yuta said. He had planned to spend time with the alpha for a couple of days now and was unsure if he’d already mentioned it to Jaehyun or not. 

“What for?” Jaehyun stopped in his tracks, turning around. 

“He just moved into a new place too, a nicer apartment than the one he was living in. He wants my input on some things,” Yuta sighed, making his way back into the kitchen to get a glass of water, the reason he’d come downstairs in the first place. 

“Are you going to a furniture store?” 

“Yes. Why?” Yuta could tell just by the look on his face that there were other things that Jaehyun wanted to say. 

“Would he mind—or would you mind—if I tagged along, then? Maybe there’s another couch you’d prefer.” Yuta couldn’t tell if Jaehyun was being sarcastic, or simply acting out of strange jealousy. Or maybe there was no ill-will in his intention and he genuinely wanted to tag along. 

“You don’t have anything else to do today?” Yuta asked, hoping it didn’t sound too rude. He took a sip of his water, turning around again to face Jaehyun. 

“No, I don’t. Which is why I was hoping to spend it with you,” Jaehyun answered, an unreadable look on his face. 

“Alright then.” Yuta muttered, pursing his lips. It was somewhat surprising to him that Jaehyun was being so forward suddenly. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  


By the time they made it to the second store, Yuta was worn out. Not physically, but emotionally. The tension was awkward enough when Yuta had called Taeyong and asked if Jaehyun could join them, but it was even worse in person. The car ride had basically been silent, except for a few quiet comments Taeyong and Yuta made to each other. 

Since neither of them had a good first impression of the other or were even well-acquainted, there was barely any common ground to discuss. 

Yuta and Taeyong walked side by side, arms nearly touching, while Jaehyun trailed behind them. He didn’t seem to be enjoying himself that much; his hands were in his pockets and his expression was entirely uninterested in his surroundings.

“Look, your hair matches that couch,” Yuta giggled, pointing Taeyong toward one of the small loveseats, which was bright purple with a velvety fabric. 

Taeyong’s hair was freshly dyed, and Yuta almost envied his bravery to dye it such a vibrant color. Yuta had only ever had black hair, never even something slightly cool and different like blonde or auburn.

His whole appearance was fashionable, from his black trenchcoat to the small plaid beret he was wearing; Taeyong looked so fashion-forward and cool, Yuta was sure it was intimidating. Plus, with his looks, it was clear that he could wear anything and get away with it. 

“You’re right, it does!” Taeyong exclaimed, jumping onto the model couch. 

Yuta followed, patting one of the cushions. They were sitting rather close on the small couch. 

“I’m glad you pointed this one out, honestly, I might just consider it,” Taeyong shrugged, then his hand went to Yuta’s shoulder; “You really have such good taste, Yuta.” 

He had grown entirely oblivious to Jaehyun, who was now standing next to the couch with an analytical expression. Yuta realized he was staring directly at Taeyong’s hand with no traces of fondness or calms in his eyes. 

“You think so?” Yuta grinned, then flicked his eyes toward Jaehyun; “I wish _he_ would agree with that.” 

Jaehyun let out a small chuckle, barely moving his lips. 

“Don’t you think it’s time for lunch? It’s nearly half-past four,” Jaehyun stated, entirely dismissive of Yuta’s comment. 

“I was going to place an order for furniture here then I thought we could go someplace, if that’s alright.” 

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Jaehyun answered, and without another word he turned, walking towards another section of the store. 

Yuta watched silently, fighting the urge to scoff. 

“So, do you think this couch would fit in my car?” Taeyong asked, snapping Yuta out of his trance. 

Yuta forced a chuckle, standing up from the small loveseat. 

“Maybe, if we try hard enough.”

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


They headed back to where both of their cars were parked after a late lunch; Taeyong had work to get to and organizing all his new furniture was sure to be a task. Yuta had offered to help, but Taeyong reassured him he didn’t need to bother him twice in one day. 

“I want to see your apartment once you’re finished though! You have to invite me over,” Yuta pleaded, his hand reaching out to grasp Taeyong’s for a brief second before letting go, a common and friendly touch between the two of them. 

“Of course—also, I meant to ask, I’ve got two tickets for a new play tomorrow if you’d like to go? I figured you might be interested when a friend of mine gave them to me.” Taeyong grinned softly, and Yuta realized it would be hard to turn down a face like that. 

“I’d love to, thank you. Text me the details!” Yuta smiled once more. 

“Great, that’s great. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” 

They both leaned forward in a quick and brief embrace. Once Yuta pulled away, he was met with Jaehyun’s presence at his back, as he’d disappeared to start the car while they’d said their goodbyes. Yuta wondered how long he’d been watching for. 

Jaehyun gave a somewhat forced wave to Taeyong, then turned around after the other man was in his car. 

Yuta felt like a lump was stuck in his throat, and he couldn’t just stay quiet. Once his friend had pulled out of the parking garage completely, Yuta stopped in his tracks, causing Jaehyun to stop as well. 

“What—” 

“You couldn’t even properly say goodbye?” Yuta regretted the words as soon as he spoke them, but he couldn’t lie or hide the fact that Jaehyun’s mopey behavior had put a damper on the entire outing.

Jaehyun’s jaw clenched, and Yuta rolled his eyes in response. It was hardly intimidating anymore when Jaehyun got mad, the alpha didn’t even need any words to express it, it was just easy to smell it on him and read it through his body language. 

“Why do you care what he thinks of me anyway?” Jaehyun muttered back and went to get into the driver’s seat of the car before Yuta could even open his door. 

“He’s my friend, Jaehyun. And in case you forgot, he’s the reason our wedding wasn’t an absolute disaster. You owe him, too.” 

Yuta pulled his door open with haste, settling inside the car. He could feel frustration bubbling under his skin, as this was the second argument they’d had in less than two weeks. 

“I mean, you must really like him because you act as if he used magic or something. He did what any other planner would’ve done.” 

“You sound so entitled right now, you have no idea.” 

“It’s not about that, Yuta.” 

“Then what’s it about?” 

Jaehyun didn’t answer, instead, he began to drive out of the parking garage, his hand clutching the wheel. 

Yuta opened his mouth to speak again, then sighed deeply, unsure of what to say since Jaehyun seemed intent on giving him the cold shoulder with another question left unanswered. 

  
  


-

  
  


Once they were home, Yuta watched Jaehyun very closely without saying anything. He could tell something was up. The younger man disappeared into his office for about an hour to do work, or perhaps to _brood_ by himself, Yuta assumed. 

He was restless, unanswered questions and unsaid thoughts were getting to his mind. Yuta couldn’t help but overthink everything, all at once. 

But instead of throwing himself all over Jaehyun and begging him to answer his question, Yuta settled down onto their very unattractive and uncomfortable couch with a book. He hadn’t even bothered to remove the minimal makeup or the small silver earrings he’d worn to go shopping. He had, however, changed into a short-sleeved baggy shirt and some pajama pants because if he was going to be trapped with his thoughts, he was at least going to do it comfortably. 

After at least 30 minutes of reading, Jaehyun entered the room, much to Yuta’s surprise. He still had the same tense, uninterested look on his face. 

Yuta swallowed, turning his gaze back to the book in his hands. 

“Hey,” Yuta muttered, trying to sound bored, “I’m not sure what to do for dinner, but I’m still kind of full from lunch. Do you have any ideas?” 

Yuta tried fixing his fringe slightly with his hand as it had become a mess when he had moved his head up. Jaehyun came closer. 

The lack of answer from Jaehyun only agitated Yuta’s already terrible mood, and he tossed his book down onto the couch, getting up from it suddenly. 

He should have known that Jaehyun was going to be obnoxious about the entire thing, which made Yuta wonder if he should’ve just lied, and not told Jaehyun his true whereabouts; maybe he wouldn’t have asked to tag along then. Yuta was exhausted by the thoughts running in his mind. He had been jealous and childish at their suit fitting, but Yuta had hoped that he’d grown from it. 

However, he was beginning to think he’d been wrong. 

“If you aren’t gonna answer me about something as simple as dinner then I’ll just go out and get something,” Yuta said, unconsciously gritting his teeth.

Jaehyun was breathing heavily, Yuta noticed as he pushed past him. 

“You should meet up with Taeyong again while you’re at it.” 

“That’s not what I said—”

“You might as well have.” 

“What is up with you?! Are you jealous, or angry at me for something or—just tell me what it is, I’d prefer it than whatever game you’re playing.” Yuta hated the way that the look on Jaehyun’s face was still enough to make his stomach flip. 

“I realized a lot of things today;” Jaehyun came closer before Yuta could even retaliate. 

“Like what?” Yuta scoffed, brows furrowed together. 

“You—didn’t even realize you were ignoring me, because you were too busy talking with him the entire time. It was just... interesting,” 

“Do you hear yourself—”

“All that outing did was prove that you clearly feel you’ve got more things in common with him than you do me, so how do you think I feel?” Jaehyun frowned. 

“How the fuck did you even gather all of that? I wasn’t mocking you, I was playing around like we normally do,” Yuta said, defensive now that Jaehyun had admitted what was truly bothering him. 

“It’s different, Yuta, and don’t pretend it isn’t. I see how you are with him. The pair of you just seem to.. click together. You look good together too. I’m sure he notices—”

Jaehyun broke off his sentence, shaking his head.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve been mistaken for a couple before.” 

“Where is this coming from? You don’t even sound like yourself,” Yuta said, even though the sight of Jaehyun frustrated like this was still causing his stomach to flip in the _worst way._

“It’s something I’ve noticed for a while.” Jaehyun came even closer to Yuta’s face, and Yuta backed away, going back toward the couch. 

“I don’t want to be accused of anything. If you’re worried that we’ve been mistaken for a couple—we have been. But it doesn’t matter. We are just friends. He knows that,” Yuta spoke, eyes scanning over Jaehyun’s form. He was wearing a white long-sleeved shirt and the same jeans that he’d gone out in. His hair was disheveled and his face turned up into a scowl. 

And yet he still looked good. _Damn it,_ Yuta thought to himself. 

Yuta sighed, realizing he needed to be rational, and try to see from Jaehyun’s point of view, which made him feel the slightest bit of guilt. It was true that he hadn’t made any effort to include Jaehyun in any of their conversation, which most likely would have helped. 

“Look, I don’t want to accuse you, but I just can’t hide it anymore, how I feel when I see how he looks at you—or how naturally you touch.” Jaehyun spoke with a cool tone. 

“Especially hearing you admit that people have mistaken you for a couple. Do you see how obvious it is even to strangers?” 

Yuta scoffed, “I’m trying to see your point, but you’re just proving how this is all rooted in jealousy.” 

“Right, it’s fine when you feel it, but when I do it’s a problem.”

“Are you seriously turning this around on me? What for? Do you realize how immature that is?” Yuta snorted, and he could tell that his relaxed behavior was only egging Jaehyun on. 

“Don’t act like you didn’t have plenty of suspicions about Jungwoo.” 

“And it was valid, because we weren’t fucking married, Jaehyun.” Yuta snapped, his tone switching back to serious again. 

“I made a promise to you, do you seriously think I’d go and break it now?” Yuta continued, a little bit breathless as he continued on. 

“I’d hope not.” 

Both of them were breathing heavily now, and Yuta felt something spike in his veins. 

“I need to get out of here.” Yuta muttered, but not before Jaehyun pulled him back by his wrist. 

“What?” 

“You also covered it.” 

Yuta furrowed his brows before he realized. Jaehyun was referring to the turtleneck he’d worn that day, which had covered his bite mark entirely. Their bond was hidden. 

“Jaehyun,” he turned back around, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” 

“Good. Because I don’t either,” Jaehyun said, his voice in a low growl. 

Jaehyun grabbed both sides of Yuta’s face without any warning, yet Yuta was prepared for it, rushing in to catch his lips at the same time. Yuta could feel the weakness in his knees as the strong scent of Jaehyun’s arousal and anger hit his nose. A low and fiery desire had settled in Yuta’s stomach by then, even more so with how Jaehyun’s body was pressed tight against his own, deepening their kiss which was already demanding and controlling. 

The hot sensation of Jaehyun’s tongue flicking out to taste Yuta’s mouth was enough to drive Yuta insane all within a matter of seconds, his clenched hands pulling at Jaehyun’s shirt. 

Their bruised lips parted for a second, and they briefly made eye contact. 

“You want this?” Jaehyun whispered, the words reverberated against Yuta’s skin, and he felt goosebumps rise on his arms. 

Jaehyun’s lips were on his neck, and it wasn’t gentle at all, Yuta could feel his teeth grazing against his skin. He kept Yuta close with a hand on his lower back. 

Yuta’s hair was released from his hair tie, swinging down onto the back of his neck. Jaehyun’s fingers quickly found purchase in his locks, tugging his head back slightly. 

“Answer me.” Jaehyun urged him on, pleadingly. 

Yuta only sighed softly, ignoring the way his voice trembled in his throat. 

“You don’t answer me when I ask you things right away, so why would I return that favor now?” Yuta forced his voice to stay as steady as possible. 

“Oh, Yuta,” Jaehyun clicked his tongue, and then his hand unexpectedly adjusted Yuta’s chin, “you’re too stubborn for your own good.” 

_So are you,_ Yuta wanted to say, but he couldn’t get the words out. 

Jaehyun’s lips were on his again, and it all happened too fast, his feet stumbled back and then they were falling back onto the couch, Yuta’s back meeting it first. 

Yuta was breathless, and his heart was beating way too fast. It felt rather shocking to admit to himself that this side of Jaehyun was the reason for his excitement. Yuta never thought he’d desire something like this, and the shame of it was overwhelming. 

Jaehyun looked over him with that same menacing gaze from before, except there was something electric in his eyes, and a slight quirk at the corner of his lips, Yuta noticed. 

Yuta’s knees were together, before Jaehyun knocked them apart with his own leg, quickly settling between them. 

Yuta squirmed, throwing his head back. He rolled his eyes once again when Jaehyun’s hands held down on his own, preventing the squirming he’d been doing. 

“Jae,” Yuta whispered the nickname, as Jaehyun’s hand traveled up his shirt, hand dipping against his flat stomach. 

“It’s been nearly two weeks since we were intimate, you know. Was that the reason for our argument? Is it frustration?” 

Yuta gritted his teeth together, scowling up at the man on top of him. 

“You prick,” Yuta muttered, turning his head away once again.

He hated the way Jaehyun said it all with a smile, and most of all, how he was right. It wasn’t just about sexual intimacy either, it was the little things too; Yuta hated how there had been a significant drop in their closeness ever since their honeymoon had ended. 

Jaehyun chuckled, dropping his head down low in order to briefly kiss Yuta’s stomach. Yuta shivered, his lower abdomen exposed to the cold air and Jaehyun’s warm lips at the same time. Jaehyun kept his palm against Yuta’s stomach, but lifted his head back up, eye-level with him again. 

The taller man’s hips met with his own, and Yuta gasped, followed by a groan from Jaehyun when Yuta pushed his torso up off the couch, rolling up against his body. 

Yuta’s control didn’t last long however, as Jaehyun’s hand moved up from his stomach to brush at one of his nipples, applying some pressure before pinching it softly. Yuta bit his cheek to suppress what would’ve been a very _loud_ moan if he hadn’t done so, instead a small whine came out. 

“You’re trembling,” Jaehyun muttered against Yuta’s neck, with a hand positioned on his lower back; “Tell me if you want this. I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to right now.” 

“I know. I want it. I want—” Yuta spoke in a broken whisper, with his neck craned away from Jaehyun’s prying eyes and eager lips, “You.”

That’s what he truly wanted at that moment. To be used and pushed to the edge entirely, to be fucked so hard that everything else faded away and he wasn’t thinking about everything wrong anymore, only about the sensation of Jaehyun inside of him. For a fraction of a second, his desires startled him, but before he could consider them any longer, Jaehyun had thrust their hips together again, and Yuta was ripped out of his daze. 

Yuta’s shaking hands reached down for Jaehyun’s belt, eagerly grasping for it. He was unable to undo the belt loop due to his position and instead pressed his palm to Jaehyun’s crotch, feeling his half-hardness already. Yuta was terribly smug then, with the knowledge that Jaehyun _wanted_ him like that already. That was all he needed. 

Jaehyun swatted his hand away. 

“Turn around for me,” Jaehyun muttered, and when Yuta hesitated, he added “Baby.” 

Jaehyun’s hands were already brushing at his thighs, then his ass, as he moved over onto his stomach, elbows holding himself up. The rather hard cushions of the couch weren’t exactly enjoyable, but that was the last thing on Yuta’s mind. 

He was unsure why he’d rushed to turn into such a vulnerable position for a man he was currently angry with, his cheeks flushing at the realization of how much he’d let his omega instincts take over him without even noticing. 

Jaehyun’s large arm came to wrap around his lower torso, and Yuta felt the warmth of his body bending over his own, chest flush against his back. 

“I didn’t even have to ask you twice, I guess you really are eager for this, hm?” Jaehyun posed his words as a question, but Yuta knew better than to give him the satisfaction of answering. 

A raspy moan fell from Yuta’s lips as Jaehyun used his position near Yuta’s ear to bring his lips to his already marked neck, gently sucking into his skin again. He moved away before Yuta could complain about the sensitivity of the area. 

Jaehyun’s hand shoved at Yuta’s shirt, pushing the fabric up at his lower back, and Yuta cursed at the shock of the sensation of Jaehyun’s wet tongue against his back. It was shocking, to say the least. Jaehyun took it even further by placing some short kisses against his spine, using two hands to hold Yuta steady now. 

Yuta choked out a whine, as Jaehyun moved one hand to brush over his stomach, nearly dipping into the waistband of his pants. 

“Is that where you want me to touch you?” 

“I—It’s too slow. You’re teasing me.” Yuta replied, unable to prevent the bitterness in his tone. 

“You’d prefer it hard and fast?” Jaehyun chuckled lightly, and Yuta was sure he was smiling widely. 

“Yes,” Yuta answered too quickly. 

Jaehyun’s hand slipped under his waistband then, palming Yuta for a brief second just to hear him moan and see how he squirmed at the touch. 

“Impatient, as always.” Jaehyun removed his hand just as quickly as he’d inserted it. The way Jaehyun’s voice had switched so quickly to a much lower, almost gruff tone should’ve scared or at least startled Yuta, but instead, he only felt excited, perversely so. 

Jaehyun’s tongue swirled against Yuta’s lower back again, and Yuta resisted the urge to squirm at the sensation of it. He was heavily aroused, and the scent of it hung in the air along with Jaehyun’s. It was hard to ignore. 

With a surprisingly gentle touch, Jaehyun rubbed one hand against Yuta’s shoulder blade, soothing him to relax. Then, with a swift hand, Jaehyun pulled at Yuta’s pants, shoving them down to his knees. 

Yuta almost felt like he was in a haze, face hot with embarrassment yet his body was screaming with want and desire. 

“I should appreciate you more, you’re so pretty like this,” Jaehyun spoke abruptly, and Yuta could barely focus on his words as Jaehyun’s thumb flicked over the tip of his cock. 

Jaehyun nibbled lightly at the side of Yuta’s hip, then pressed a kiss there. He trailed his lips lower, down to Yuta’s thighs, which had the slightest tremble to them. 

“Oh, Jaehyun,” Yuta muttered as Jaehyun started placing hot kisses and soft bite marks against his sensitive flesh. Yuta wasn’t sure how much longer he could stand Jaehyun’s teasing. He was sure his body was only going to get more responsive as time went on.

“I need more,” Yuta added on, finishing his sentence after a couple of minutes had already passed with Jaehyun’s lips and teeth tracing marks into his skin. 

The smaller man pressed his face further into the uncomfortable fabric of the couch, which Jaehyun caught onto, clearly, as he moved from between Yuta’s legs in order to grab a pillow to give his head more leverage. Yuta noticed how Jaehyun was grinning, as he craned his head and watched the younger man move behind him. 

Yuta whined small and low when Jaehyun used two hands to palm his ass. He slowly spread his knees further apart, annoyed by the pants still looped around them. 

Jaehyun clearly caught on to what Yuta was trying to do and removed his pants entirely. Yuta could tell he was eager now too, even without turning his head around. 

“I want to hear you moan, just for me. I want to remind you who makes you feel good;” Jaehyun sounded slightly bitter at the end of his sentence, and Yuta gasped lightly when his fingers skimmed over his hole. 

Yuta’s mouth opened as Jaehyun’s tongue flattened against his rim, tongue circling once around his clenched hole. Yuta was unable to hold back the loud moan that escaped his lips. 

“Just like that,” Jaehyun pulled away to speak, before diving back in, adding to the rosy tint on Yuta’s cheeks as his humiliation began to drive him insane.

Jaehyun rubbed his hole with his thumb, as he flicked his tongue over it, just teasing him now. Yuta squirmed and felt his legs shake at the sensation. 

“Let me see your face.” Jaehyun ordered, referring to how Yuta’s face was hidden by his hair and pressed into the pillow below him. Jaehyun pushed his hair out of his face, to the side of his neck instead. 

“You’re blushing, how cute,” Jaehyun said, leaving Yuta wondering how such simple words could leave him feeling so dirty. 

“H-hey, don’t call me—” A low moan cut Yuta off from finishing his sentence, as Jaehyun swirled his tongue back inside of him, carefully caressing at his entrance with his tongue, then thrusting it inside. 

Jaehyun loved seeing him like this, and it was obvious as ever, watching Yuta try to collect and control himself while sweating and moaning underneath him, with his body on full display. 

“But don't you like it _rough?_ ” Jaehyun teased, rubbing two of his fingers against Yuta’s entrance. 

“It’s not even... rough, I want more.” Yuta bit his lip, feeling Jaehyun’s fingers still, two digits deep inside and awfully close to his sweet spot. 

“What do you want more of?” Jaehyun asked, a quiet and low sound.

Yuta didn’t answer, decidedly trying to glance over his shoulder at Jaehyun instead, making eye contact for a brief second. The semi ‘role-playing’ wasn’t that new for them, they had easily gotten into some sort of strange routine of _games_ during sex like the one they seemed to be playing now, if Jaehyun’s use of informal language was any indicator. 

“You’re a brat, Yuta,” Jaehyun mumbled low, dipping his tongue back inside of the rim and thrusting it into his hole without remorse this time. The lack of formality in his word choice stung. 

Yuta whined, his knees settling into the plush leather of the couch even more. He pushed himself back against Jaehyun’s face, disregarding his harsh words and only fixated on how good it felt to be fucked open with Jaehyun’s skilled tongue. 

Yuta finally regained control, able to form a sentence again; “I’m not... a brat... I’m older… than you.” He hated when Jaehyun used that term, it wasn’t fitting at all. 

“Should any of that matter while my tongue is in your ass? Just wondering.” Jaehyun said harshly, and his words sent shivers down Yuta’s back. 

“P-Please,” Yuta softly spoke.

“Please what?” 

“I need it. I need you.” Yuta said, his voice muffled by the pillow.

“Hm.” Jaehyun didn’t answer him. Yuta was shocked by the alpha’s ability to ignore and disregard an omega’s pleas entirely. 

Yuta was leaking enough already, with Jaehyun’s tongue flicking circles against his rim; when he pushed one finger into him, Yuta only leaked more, exclaiming a loud whine as he did. 

“Are you in heat or what?” Jaehyun said, followed by a laugh that only embarrassed Yuta even more. 

“I.. swear I will be.. if you don’t get your dick in me already.” Yuta gasped, his arms shaking slightly now from holding himself up. 

“You taste so good too,” Jaehyun said, disregarding Yuta’s comment.

Jaehyun slid his finger in and out, and Yuta was mortified by the squelching sound it made. He added his tongue back in and worked both his tongue and his fingers in and out of Yuta’s hole. Jaehyun continued to lap and suck at his entrance, regardless of the slick. 

Jaehyun lightly slapped Yuta’s ass, earning a weak gasp from the older man. 

Yuta had already lifted his head from the pillow, trying to see Jaehyun again. The younger man was unbuckling his jeans, finally, and Yuta watched with eager eyes as he removed his shirt along with his boxer briefs. 

Jaehyun caught Yuta’s eyes and smiled, no shame in his face as he rubbed one hand over Yuta’s lower back, coaxing him to relax again. 

Yuta whined, arching his back further when Jaehyun splayed over his back again, his hand coming up to cradle Yuta’s neck gently and connect their lips in a messy and difficult kiss, with tongue and teeth clashing. 

Jaehyun’s erection was hard against Yuta’s thighs, dragging in between them. 

“Hold on.” Jaehyun muttered, then he helped Yuta remove his shirt, which was already crumpled up at his shoulders and only in the way at this point. 

Jaehyun then thrust his fingers back inside of him briefly without any warning, but Yuta wasn’t having it, even though soft whines still escaped his lips. He could see how his own elbows had already started to turn pink from settling on the leather in his position for too long, as he adjusted himself again and settled with his stomach down against the couch instead of holding himself up. 

“Tired already?” Jaehyun teased. 

“Screw you,” Yuta spat in response. 

Jaehyun leaned down on top of him, to press a brief kiss to Yuta’s cheek. Yuta whined. His body was nearly pushed to the edge already, burning with arousal and even leaking slick outside of heat. 

Jaehyun thrust his fingers quickly, then pulled them out, leaving Yuta clenching around nothing. Jaehyun pulled Yuta’s hips back up from the couch, gently. Yuta could feel the slick spreading more and more, and an audible gasp escaped him as Jaehyun scooped some up in order to slick his erection with it. _They didn’t have any lube_ ; Yuta remembered. 

Yuta yelped at being manhandled as Jaehyun pulled his hips back to his own, then pressed his cock to Yuta’s hole in a slow, teasing motion. Jaehyun rutted against him like that, fingers digging into his hips. 

“Say my name,” Jaehyun whispered low. 

“Jaehyun, please,” Yuta replied, head turned over his shoulder. 

Before Yuta could curse or complain again, Jaehyun aligned the tip of his cock with Yuta’s entrance and pushed inside. He moaned at the painful and harsh stretch of accommodating Jaehyun, who was fully erect and long, only halfway inside. Yet Yuta loved how full he felt already, it was exactly what he’d been chasing, yearning for the entire time. 

Yuta’s slick made the entire thing more wet and hot than normal, and he began to wonder what his body was reacting to so deeply, as he clenched tighter around the alpha inside of him. 

“Fuck, you’re so good,” Jaehyun groaned, his hips stuttering forward into Yuta’s ass the slightest bit. 

Yuta let out a small cry at the sensation of Jaehyun pushing in fully, inch by inch. Jaehyun had been somewhat messy with his prep, so it made sense that Yuta was a bit more sensitive to the intrusion than usual. Also, it was hard to ever get used to the feeling of an alpha’s cock. 

Jaehyun moaned weakly as Yuta continued to clench around him. Yuta’s breath stuttered in his throat as Jaehyun fastened his arm gently around his chest and shoulders, fingers reaching up to caress his throat. Yuta’s eyes fluttered shut while Jaehyun began to thrust inside, slowly. 

“You okay?” Jaehyun asked, even though he’d already begun. 

“Mhm, please, harder.” Yuta couldn’t focus on his words. 

Yuta choked at the first powerful thrust, which seemed to slam into him. Jaehyun stroked his throat again, gently. However, Yuta’s soft moans and gasps clearly weren’t what Jaehyun had been driving for. After a couple of slow strokes inside, Jaehyun switched from the sensual and slow-paced thrusting into much harder and forceful thrusts. 

“Jaehyun! Right there, oh—fuck.” Yuta exclaimed, rocking his hips back to meet each violent thrust. The sound of Jaehyun’s hips slapping against his ass and sounds of pleasure echoed around the entire room. 

“Oh, Yuta,” Jaehyun whispered into his ear, one hand moving from his hip to grip at his hair. Each thrust pushed Yuta further against the couch; “I missed hearing this.” 

Yuta removed the weight from one of his arms, reaching under his stomach in order to try to relieve the discomfort and borderline pain of his erection.

“Jaehyun, don’t stop, please,” Yuta whined, complaining since Jaehyun’s thrusts had become slow since he’d moved to correct Yuta’s hand. The position caused Yuta’s belly to meet the couch again, his cock brushing against the leather. 

Yuta’s eyes clouded with tears, as Jaehyun’s pace became almost still, deep and slow in the best way possible, Yuta couldn’t get enough of it, whimpering weakly against the pillow under his cheek. 

“Tell me, how much do you want it?” 

“So much, I want it so badly. I want to come so bad;” Yuta answered right away, almost shocked by how strained and pitched his voice had become. 

Jaehyun laughed in a low voice, then pulled out halfway only to push forward again and force slick to leak down Yuta’s legs. Before Yuta could beg again, he positioned his chin over Yuta’s shoulder, and snuck his hand underneath him, a hand wrapping around his cock, over Yuta’s own hand. 

Yuta cursed under his breath, muffling his obscenely loud moans by pressing his face into the pillow. 

“Let me see you.” Jaehyun murmured, voice strained as well. 

Yuta just nodded, a small gasp falling from his pink lips as Jaehyun pulled out. He weakly rolled over, met by the sight of the man who could bring him so much pleasure, allowing him to forget about everything else. Jaehyun was sweating as well, and Yuta found himself trying to reach up to brush the hair from Jaehyun’s face. 

“Beautiful,” Jaehyun said, barely above a whisper. 

Jaehyun fought back a smile, lifting Yuta’s legs up again quickly, and wasting no time in sliding back into his hot, wet heat. Yuta felt terribly shy all of a sudden, realizing tears had already spilled down his cheeks. Jaehyun never took his gaze off him as he thrust back inside several times, focused on every twisted facial expression and moan Yuta made. 

Yuta came after one particularly hard thrust, and Jaehyun wrapped his hand around Yuta’s length, undoing him in the midst of their pleasure. 

“Oh, fuck;” Yuta tilted his head back, chest heaving from how tiring it had been. It felt as if he’d just had the most powerful orgasm of his life.

The younger man leaned down, lips latching onto Yuta’s neck. Yuta gripped his fingers into his hair. Jaehyun finished inside of him, coming with a shout, followed by a deep groan. 

Yuta heaved, glancing down at him. Jaehyun was out of breath as well, and their breathing seemed to move in sync now. The younger man placed another gentle kiss to his bite mark, and inhaled Yuta’s scent, his long fingers gripping the omega’s sweaty hair. 

Neither of them moved, stuck together as usual by Jaehyun’s knot, but they were both exhausted as well. Yuta figured that when they separated, it would break the strange spell that seemed to have fallen over them, allowing them to have sex in the midst of an argument.

Yuta gasped when Jaehyun pulled out of him finally, squeezing his fingers into the taller man’s bicep. Jaehyun brushed some of the hair out his face, and Yuta sat up quickly, pulling away from him. 

He felt too exposed, shuffling back to grab his pants and t-shirt on the floor next to them. He now could feel the makeup which he’d never removed earlier sticking uncomfortably to his skin along with his sweat. 

Jaehyun didn’t speak, his hand reached to softly caress the back of Yuta’s spine. Yuta was perplexed by his tender behavior. 

Yuta avoided meeting his eyes, which he knew would be full of some kind of fondness or relief now, and Yuta couldn’t handle it. Not right now. 

He finished pulling his pants back on, ignoring the pink tint on his skin from the leather of the couch. 

“Yuta,” Jaehyun finally spoke again when the older man stood up. 

“I need to shower, just give me a minute,” Yuta said, trying to fight how shaky his legs were. He usually rested a bit longer after sex than now, and standing up on wobbly legs wasn’t something he was prepared for. 

Jaehyun was there in a second, of course, his arms supporting Yuta’s smaller body before he could fall. 

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun asked, checking Yuta’s face for any signs of fatigue or pain. 

“Yeah, just a bit worn out,” Yuta laughed weakly, still avoiding his eyes, and instead patted Jaehyun’s arm in an attempt to reassure him. 

Once Jaehyun felt Yuta pull away again, obviously wanting to walk on his own, he let go, not wanting to pull on the smaller man any longer if he didn’t want it. 

Yuta wasn’t sure what his problem was now. If it was due to the issues they were having, which were clearly going unsolved, or if it was something much deeper than that. All that their intense love-making session had proven was that physical chemistry wasn’t their issue, it was the way they communicated. Yuta wondered if it was possible that love had grown between them, or if it was all coming from a place of physical and romantic attraction. 

Because, what was the difference between having sex and making love? How could Yuta tell? It had felt good—no, amazing, to be held and _wanted_ by Jaehyun, but Yuta couldn’t decide if it had actually fixed any of their problems. 

If Jaehyun did love him, he had never spoken it with his words. Of course, Yuta hadn’t either. He had always been the first one to say ‘I love you’ in a relationship, and the thought of becoming that vulnerable again made him sick to his stomach. 

Yuta had been so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn’t even noticed the water running cold, and he trembled slightly as he stood up to shut the water off. 

He wrapped himself in a towel, taking a quick glance at his reflection in the large mirror. His hair looked a darker shade of brown due to it being soaking wet, and his lips were still pink and his shoulders were slightly rosy from the heat of the water. 

Yuta nearly jumped when he opened the door, not expecting to find his husband waiting directly outside of it. 

“Hey, I was worried because you were in there for a lot longer than usual, um. I made dinner, and it’s nothing much, so we can go out like you wanted to if it isn’t too good,” Jaehyun rambled, averting his eyes from Yuta’s smaller form the entire time. 

“You could’ve just knocked and asked. Or came inside.” Yuta swallowed, trying to ignore the lump in his throat. 

A second of silence passed, perhaps too long as it only made Yuta focus more on the lack of readable expression on Jaehyun’s face. 

“I’m sorry about earlier. I should’ve just told you how I was feeling. I don’t know what came over me. I shouldn’t have said those things to you.” Jaehyun said, voice quiet as ever.

Yuta caved easily then, already having prepared himself to accept whatever weak apology Jaehyun threw at him. 

“It was an argument, Jaehyun. We both said things in the heat of the moment.” Yuta said, simply. He didn’t want to discuss it anymore, despite the pain in his chest at how easy it was to push away their issues, only deepening the wound by doing so. 

Yuta smiled softly, allowing himself to be engulfed by Jaehyun’s warm embrace, brushing the back of his hair with his hand, and focusing on the soft sound of his breathing, as Jaehyun listened to his pulse. 

Before the moment slipped away from him, Yuta wanted to make sure he remembered it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo, i’m not sure if anyone was expecting that or what!! i’d like to hear any thoughts as always. but i mean.. i did say it was the calm before the storm!! angst is my brand. 
> 
> anyway, i hope you are all doing well and thank you so much for reading. ❤️
> 
> (p.s. i told you guys taeyong would be important later on right)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys. so i know it’s been a really long time and while i could use the excuse of the draft i had for this chapter originally got deleted, which is true, i did also have just writers block in general for this fic. but now i pretty much have it planned and i really want to give it the ending it deserves. i really appreciate all the love everyone has given this fic and it has helped me grow so much confidence as a writer! so thank you all.

The night air was a little bit too warm, even for summertime. Yuta wished he’d parked closer to the theater venue, as he walked along the sidewalk.

Yuta had quite enjoyed the play, which had been an exciting rendition of _The Phantom Of The Opera._ Taeyong had shared his joy for the amazing acting, which they had whispered to each other about, earning a couple of glares from the people sitting behind them. They had, of course, kept the rest of the comments until after the play once they realized it was a bit rude to chat in the company of others. 

Taeyong had also parked in the parking garage, so they walked side by side. Yuta was grateful for the company. 

The streets were still somewhat lively, even though it was nearly 11 pm, and on a weekday as well. People were walking in both small and large groups, some rushing into bars and others waiting to be seated outside of expensive restaurants. 

“You know,” Taeyong spoke suddenly, causing Yuta to turn his head and look at him instead of focusing on the crowds, “usually, when I bring people to plays like this with me, they like to stay serious and professional the entire time, but you know how to have fun, even around all those stuck up people.” 

Yuta raised his eyebrows at Taeyong’s admission, as they waited to cross the busy street to where the parking garage was. 

“I’m glad you think so, it’s boring to take art so seriously all the time. It’s okay to have fun with things sometimes.” Yuta said, shuffling his feet.

Taeyong nodded, and they began to chat about their favorite—and least favorite parts of the play as they got closer to the parking garage. Yuta nudged Taeyong with his shoulder whenever he made a snarky comment about one of the lead actors’ acting abilities. 

Their conversation died down once they had reached the second level of the parking garage, where Yuta was parked, and Taeyong’s car was on the third level. 

“It probably would’ve been easier to take one car.” Taeyong chuckled. 

“There’s always next time,” Yuta said, nearly shaking his head once he realized how his comment sounded. 

Taeyong just nodded, going in for a side-hug that Yuta reciprocated quickly. 

“Oh, and, I just wanted to say I’m sorry I couldn’t invite Jaehyun as well. I would’ve but, I only had two tickets.” 

Yuta managed a genuine smile, swallowing deeply. “No need to worry, he doesn’t usually go to these kinds of things anyway.” 

  
  


-

  
  


The drive home felt longer than usual, and Yuta suspected it was because he was all alone. 

Yuta had been somewhat dreading his return at home, knowing how tense things still were. It hadn’t gone back to ‘normal,’ when Jaehyun had apologized and Yuta had _accepted_ it, right away. He had regretted his decision to dismiss another possible conversation by taking the apology as it was, but Yuta was afraid of arguing anymore. Things felt fragile. 

When Yuta entered the house through the garage, he noticed most of the lights inside were off. He began to suspect that Jaehyun was upstairs, and likely asleep. He decided to check the living room first. 

Yuta’s instinct had proven right, as he found Jaehyun there. 

The younger man was a peaceful sight in front of Yuta. His forearm was resting over his stomach, and his chest rose and fell as he slept. Yuta cautiously moved towards him, trying not to let his feet make too much noise against the tiles. His eyes flickered toward the book on Jaehyun’s chest, and then toward the lamp which was still turned on. He must have been waiting, Yuta thought to himself. The idea made him feel rather guilty, which was why he immediately pushed it out of his head. He knew it was possible that Jaehyun had been reading on the couch and drifted off. 

He had barely said goodbye to Yuta when he’d left earlier, pretending to busy himself with doing the dishes instead, while Yuta pressed a small kiss to his cheek.

Yuta was yearning for a sign, of any kind really, that Jaehyun was serious about what was between them; it was one thing to be married by vows, and another thing to truly uphold the vows. He sighed deeply, settling down on the floor next to the couch. 

He glanced over at the floor next to him, realizing an empty wine glass and bottle were both there. 

Jaehyun stirred slightly, turning his head further away from the overhead lamp. Yuta moved to turn the lamp off, and felt a sudden grasp on his wrist, preventing him from doing so. 

With wide eyes, he focused on Jaehyun, who was clearly still half-asleep, but holding tightly onto his wrist. 

“You’re home.” Jaehyun slurred. Yuta couldn’t decide if he sounded mainly drunk or sleepy. 

Yuta nodded, a small smile forming at the corner of his lips against his will. He blamed it on the way Jaehyun’s voice sounded deeper when he first woke up and how it still gave him butterflies. 

Jaehyun lowered his wrist but didn’t let go of his hand. He blinked a few times and started to sit up. 

“Yeah, you didn’t think I’d be out super late, right?” Yuta asked, not realizing how quiet his voice had become until he spoke. 

“I wasn’t sure,” he said. It was obvious that he was still trying to fully wake up. 

Yuta nodded. It was hard for him to disguise his worry, as he glanced down at the empty bottle and glass again. 

Jaehyun scanned his eyes over Yuta, causing him to feel exposed for some reason, as usual. It made him shy away, as he stood up from the floor where he’d sat down. 

“How did the play go? Was it fun?” Jaehyun asked, cautiously. Yuta guessed he had realized Yuta wasn’t planning on sharing any details unless Jaehyun initiated it. 

“It was. Aside from the stuffy audience, but, that’s a given.” Yuta sighed and began to walk towards the kitchen on his own. 

Yuta felt he was rather pathetic to have such thoughts, but this outing had been his first time alone since they had gotten married, and part of him had hoped Jaehyun would’ve greeted him by saying ‘ _you look nice,’_ or even, ‘ _I missed you.’_ He wished for some affirmation, but he knew it was foolish to be so nitpicky about the way his husband greeted him. 

He had turned on the lights upon entering the kitchen and walked over to the fridge to grab water. Yuta looked around the room, which was spotless, Jaehyun having finished the dishes like he’d said he would. 

Except, there was one singular wine glass on the kitchen counter. This puzzled Yuta because he knew Jaehyun wasn’t the type to use two glasses, and he also hadn’t told him he would be having any company over. 

As if on cue, Jaehyun walked into the kitchen. 

Yuta held his breath as he reached for the glass on the counter, already holding the glass from the living room, and set them both in the sink. 

He turned away from the other man, feeling his presence behind him almost instantly. 

“Are you tired, Hyung?” Jaehyun asked, and Yuta noticed there was barely any sleepiness left in his voice, unlike the last time they’d talked. 

_You’re pulling away from me,_ Yuta wanted to say. 

“Sort of. It’s late. Why do you ask?” Yuta said, his lips pursed. He was itching to ask about the wine glasses, but he knew exactly how it would make him look. Just like the overly paranoid spouse that he didn’t want to become. 

“You look tired.” Jaehyun murmured. 

Yuta swallowed then, walking over to the sink. He turned on the water and began to wash the wine residue out of the glasses. 

He could feel Jaehyun looking at him, and it made his hands shake slightly, as he used the dishrag to dry the glasses, then set them back in the cabinet. That way he wouldn’t have to look at them anymore. Yuta took Jaehyun’s silence as proof that he’d had someone over, and he didn’t want to share who it was. 

“Yuta, did I say something wrong—”

“No, I’m just tired. You were right.” Yuta snapped quickly, almost gasping out of surprise when a gentle hand touched his lower back. The touch felt foreign, almost.

“You’re tense,” Jaehyun said, then moved his hand to Yuta’s shoulder, feeling the tight muscle there as well. 

Yuta was slowly getting more irritated by Jaehyun’s blunt honesty about his appearance and body language. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear from him. 

He shrugged Jaehyun’s hand off his shoulder and began to walk out of the kitchen. Jaehyun didn’t follow him upstairs at first and instead waited until Yuta had already showered and changed into his pajamas to come into their bedroom. 

“Hey,” Jaehyun said, clearing his throat awkwardly after. 

Yuta just hummed in response, busy brushing his teeth. It was clear that Jaehyun didn’t know what to do, as he began to pace around the bedroom. 

Once Yuta was finished, he took another sip from his water bottle, then slowly headed towards the bed, turning down his side of the covers and settling on the side of the bed. Jaehyun didn’t make any moves to get in with him. 

“Jaehyun?” Yuta asked the other man, who was still pacing, “aren’t you going to get into bed?” 

“Do you... Want me to? I could always sleep on the couch or... One of the guest rooms if you’re having trouble sleeping with me.” Jaehyun said, cautiously. It was already evident that Jaehyun had caught onto Yuta’s attitude, and was trying to figure out how to help him. However, he was going about it the wrong way entirely. The last thing Yuta wanted was more distance. 

“No,” Yuta shook his head, “lay here, with me.” 

Something about his word choice felt oddly intimate, more intimate than anything else they’d shared recently. It made him feel vulnerable in multiple ways. 

Once Jaehyun had gotten onto the bed, Yuta reached over and flicked the bedside lamp, which had been the only remaining light in the room, off. Yuta found that it was easier to deal with all their problems when the lights were off, and he couldn’t stare at Jaehyun or vice versa. 

Yuta didn’t think he could stand a marriage that felt so much like a silent fight against each other, with only one side winning, rather than a union, for much longer. 

He wanted to at least feel Jaehyun’s arms around him, or his warmth near, yet Jaehyun was far away on the large bed, at his side, completely on the edge. Yuta couldn’t even reach for him. 

“Jae—” Yuta started, his voice coming out much weaker than he had intended. 

“What is it?” Jaehyun answered right away, not being asleep of course. 

“Please can you, can you—come here?” Yuta said, and hearing the words come from his lips made his stomach churn. He hated how needy he sounded. How weak. 

Jaehyun slowly moved closer, and Yuta could feel his warmth again, which was at least some kind of relief. 

After a couple of minutes of silence, Yuta felt Jaehyun’s hand soft against the side of his neck, barely touching his skin. 

“I can’t sleep. Tell me… about your day.” Yuta tried, and he wanted to reach out and hold Jaehyun’s hand as well, but he had no way of seeing it in the dark. 

“My day?” Jaehyun chuckled softly, “I’d rather try to sing you to sleep then discuss my day.” 

Yuta laughed at the idea as well, although he probably wouldn’t have minded it if Jaehyun broke out into song. Except, his words were worrying. It made Yuta more curious about what had taken place while he was gone. 

“Did something happen?” Yuta asked softly, once their laughter had faded out. 

He could hear Jaehyun hesitating, like he was on the verge of speaking, but wasn’t allowing himself to. 

“My father dropped by for a visit. It’s probably better you weren’t here for it. He wanted to drink.” Jaehyun admitted, his voice lower and quieter than before. 

Yuta felt sick with realization, that his paranoia over the wine glasses had been entirely irrational, and he should’ve just asked. It would’ve been over an hour ago if he had just _asked,_ instead of worrying how Jaehyun would’ve taken his question. Yuta felt regretful.

“I should’ve been here,” Yuta said, trying his best to sound strong. He knew how Jaehyun was forced into those situations by his father, even after he was recovering from substance abuse himself. 

“He was just... I don’t know, all over the place. I don’t want to think about it anymore, honestly. There’s a lot he has planned for me that I don’t agree with.” Jaehyun admitted softly. 

“I’m sorry, I wish you didn’t have to deal with him showing up here like that,” Yuta said. Every day that went by made Yuta wish they lived further away from their parents since both sides constantly seemed to go out of their way to showcase toxic behavior. 

“That’s why being away on vacation with you felt so perfect. I knew we didn’t have to worry about them while it was just us.” 

Yuta nodded, then remembered Jaehyun couldn’t see him.

“I know what you mean.”

Neither of them knew what to say next, and the silence was slightly comforting, now that some of the tension had been lessened. 

Yuta leaned forward slightly, his nose pressed against Jaehyun’s neck slightly. Jaehyun kept an arm around Yuta’s side and for the first time in a couple of weeks, they drifted to sleep like that. It reminded Yuta of how it was in the very beginning when they were first learning about each other.

  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with such determination to cook.” Jaehyun gestured to the stack of pancakes. 

“Well, I’m trying. I think I’ll need to take lessons if I want to match your level.” Yuta sadly flicked the flame off, glancing at his poorly mixed batter and oddly flattened pancakes. 

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Yuta. I already told you my nanny was a cook but did I ever tell you she used to cook in Italy? I have no clue where my parents found her.” 

“Then you learned from an expert.” Yuta smiled, feeling better after Jaehyun pointed that out again. 

“Here. I got some berries at the store and you can cut those up and I’ll finish the pancakes. Teamwork.” 

“Wow, I haven’t seen this side of you yet. Suddenly I’m not a disadvantage in the kitchen but.. a teammate?” 

“You should hurry up and start chopping.” 

“Me?” Yuta gaped at him, “me? You’re ordering me around?” 

Yuta arranged the cutting board and fruit and began to start chopping. He was halfway finished when he heard Jaehyun sigh from behind him, and warm hands came to circle his torso. 

“Please, you should just do it instead,” Yuta said, waiting for Jaehyun to try to correct the way he was doing it. 

“I’m not coming to give you orders.” Jaehyun pressed his chin to Yuta’s shoulder, “I finished cooking and just wanted to watch you.” 

Yuta grew flustered that he’d been wrong, plus it didn’t help that Jaehyun was pressed up against him. He was a sucker for this type of thing deep down, and he suspected Jaehyun could tell. When he made a move, it was perfectly fine, but when _Jaehyun_ did, it made him feel all funny and warm inside. 

“Well, I’m busy chopping. Maybe you should set the table.” 

“Hm, no, I’d much rather stay here,” Jaehyun mumbled, pressing a kiss to the bare skin of Yuta’s shoulder. 

“You have to listen to me,” Yuta spoke in a small voice. 

“Why?” 

“Because you should listen—ah!” Yuta exclaimed when Jaehyun pressed an especially wet kiss to his cheek. 

“Jaehyun I’m _cutting_ things.” 

“I won’t let you get hurt.” Jaehyun smiled, taking a hold of the knife from Yuta’s hand. 

“I’ll finish the chopping and you can set the table.” 

Yuta scoffed, shaking his head, “I knew you were plotting to take over the whole time.” 

“You know me well.” Jaehyun chuckled in response. 

The morning felt awfully domestic, enough to leave Yuta feeling all warm and content inside, alike to the sensation of butterflies. 

It wasn’t until much later, when they were laying together, outside on the grass, that Yuta was reminded of harsh reality. The morning had been _too_ perfect, things had felt too normal and almost close to content again, so of course, they were interrupted mid-conversation, by his mother calling on the phone. 

“Hello?” Yuta asked, quite an irritated and pitched tone in his voice. 

“Well, don’t you sound polite.” His mother said. 

“Mother, I was relaxing,” Yuta grumbled. He moved his head away from where it had been laying on Jaehyun’s shoulder, followed by a puzzled yet slightly bemused expression from him. 

“Oh, there will be plenty of time for that later in your life, dear. When you retire. Anyways, your youngest sister is returning next weekend, from college, and I expect you _and_ your husband to be there at the party. No exceptions.” 

Yuta scoffed at the added threat, “what if we had other plans?” 

“Cancel them. I’ll talk to you later.” His mother hung up then, and Yuta contemplated if throwing his phone into the trees was such a bad idea. 

Jaehyun smiled, catching on to his annoyance right away and pulling him back down. 

“Did she want something?” Jaehyun asked, playfully.

“Yes, I’m afraid so,” Yuta said. 

Jaehyun rubbed his back and Yuta did his best not to blush or shy away from this sign of affection.

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


“Things are getting better now. I think.” Yuta sighed, brushing past another rack of plain grey and black suit jackets. 

“You _think?”_ Hikaru asked, chuckling breathlessly after. 

Yuta and Hikaru had gone shopping, it was mid-week, and Yuta was in a spending mood. He wanted new clothing, and probably earrings too while he was at it. Yuta was just suddenly desperate for anything eccentric. He found it calmed him down when things started to feel too... Normal to be real. 

“Yes, okay, it’s hard to tell with us. Sorry if you and your husband are perfect.” Yuta teased in response.

“Hey,” Hikaru raised her hands, “I never said all that.” 

“Then what was the last argument you had? If it’s not too personal.” 

Hikaru rolled her eyes at Yuta’s insistence. 

“He didn’t help me bring in the groceries… and I scolded him a bit for it. I don’t think that counts as a full argument though.” 

“Yes, it doesn’t. You guys are _perfect.”_ Yuta teased. 

“No couple is perfect,” Hikaru argued back. 

Yuta continued to bicker with her until an employee from the department store they were in asked if they needed any help, clearly a hint for them to leave. The pair joked about it for the rest of the afternoon. 

They had gotten lunch, once Yuta had complained enough about being hungry even though Hikaru had a low appetite at the moment. Which had turned out to be a clear lie when she had taken some of Yuta’s appetizers while they’d waited for their entrees. 

Afterward, they went back to walking around downtown. Hikaru had already run all her errands, and Yuta was even holding one of her bags for her. 

Yuta’s gaze was caught by a small piercing shop, and he glanced at the displays they carried in their window. 

“Thinking of getting something?” Hikaru asked, sounding somewhat amused. 

“Maybe. I’ve already pierced the _hell_ out of my ears but.. perhaps my nose?” Yuta said, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. 

His mother had always despised it when he’d brought up the idea of getting some piercing in his face, as she had already been against the several piercings he’d gotten in his ears, but had justified it with saying his hair would cover it up. 

“Perfect timing for a family gathering, Yuta,” Hikaru said, sighing. She was certainly used to hin stirring the pot. 

“I mean, why the hell not?” 

  
  
  


-

  
  


Yuta got home later than he had planned, due to the unexpected stop at the tattoo parlor, where he had, despite his sister’s later warnings, gone through with the nose piercing. It was just a simple small stud, so nothing too drastic, but he knew it was enough of a change to his appearance for him to feel more confident. And it did, truly feel like a boost to his inner confidence. 

A sudden, jittery feeling developed inside of him as he realized he’d see Jaehyun’s initial shocked reaction to the piercing since he had clearly not planned it, and therefore the other man would have no idea he’d done it. 

He removed his shoes and jacket at the door, then walked towards the kitchen, setting his bags down on the counter. 

Yuta paced around, before realizing that Jaehyun was still in the study. He knocked gently on the door, hearing a hum in response. 

“Hey,” Yuta said softly, entering the small room. Jaehyun was settled at the computer in his chair, clearly working on something. Yuta felt a bit silly coming to show him something so trivial, but he figured he needed to say hello to his husband anyway. 

“Hello,” Jaehyun closes out of the computer, reaching forward to shut it off, “I didn’t even hear you get home.” 

Yuta grinned then, realizing he’d be able to surprise him entirely. 

“Oh really?” 

Jaehyun swiveled around in his chair, and before he could say anything, Yuta settled on his knee. The smell of his cologne and alpha scent was an immediate comfort, and he smiled softly when Jaehyun reached up to cup the side of his cheek. 

A soft gasp fell from the other man’s lips, clearly in surprise. Yuta was more than satisfied by this reaction. 

“What’s this?” He asked softly, nearly sounding in awe of Yuta. 

“Well, I’ve been wanting a change for a while, so before I cut or dye my hair or anything like that I thought I’d try a nose piercing,” Yuta said, giggling slightly. 

“You amaze me. It looks so hot on you.” Jaehyun mumbled the praise, his voice deep and low. 

“Really?” Yuta teased, fishing for more. 

“Yes. You’re so _beautiful_ and sexy—“ 

Yuta blushed, deciding that was enough even though he’d been the one to ask for more, he nudged at Jaehyun’s chest with his hand and leaned down to capture his lips. 

It wasn’t any ordinary _‘honey I’m home,’_ kiss, they added their passion and twist to it of course, as the pair did with everything. 

Yuta’s tongue found its way to tracing Jaehyun’s plump lower lip and after, the other man nibbled on his lip in return. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, tasting each other and revealing their equal desperation. 

“I shouldn’t have bought this computer,” Jaehyun spoke suddenly, and Yuta gave him a puzzled look in return. 

“Why?” He asked. 

Jaehyun traced his thumb over Yuta’s lips, feeling their shape. 

“Cause I wanna fuck you over this desk, but it’s in the way.” 

Yuta’s lips parted over Jaehyun’s thumb as he spoke. His words seemed to go directly to his stomach, wrongly enough giving him _butterflies._ That wasn’t exactly the reaction someone was meant to have to dirty talk. 

“You could always just move the computer.” Yuta giggled. 

“I have a better idea,” Jaehyun said, then swiftly stood the both of them up, Yuta had not prepared himself enough for when the taller man hoisted him up and tried his best to cling onto him and wrap his legs around. 

“What the hell, you’ll drop me.” Yuta chuckled, clinging to the fabric of Jaehyun’s shirt that bunched around his shoulders. 

“I will not. Trust me.” 

“I don’t know, _you_ haven’t been lifting as much as usual, I think.” Yuta teased.

Jaehyun didn’t say anything, just pushed Yuta gently against the wall. It still made him lose his breath, feeling his heart rate pick up _just like_ it did every time Jaehyun had touched him before they had been official. There was no way he would be able to get used to him. 

“I said,” Jaehyun’s lips found Yuta’s neck, then jaw, brushing against them, “trust me.” 

It didn’t take much longer for them to get going, Jaehyun ended up fucking Yuta against the wall like so, with Yuta’s legs still wrapped around him, much proving he could hold him up _and_ fuck him against a surface. 

  
  
  


-

  
  


After their unprompted lovemaking session, which had landed them in bed, after an hour or so; Yuta felt inspired to make art, despite being tired as he had been worn out from all the physical activity as well, he couldn’t deny that it had given him an oddly creative boost of energy. 

But, this was a problem since he couldn’t move his legs well. Jaehyun had already fallen asleep; since he had been tired from working at home all day, and Yuta was sure whatever pre-entrance exams he’d taken or subject he had been studying had been quite stressful, so he knew not to wake him. 

Instead, Yuta reached into his bedside table, taking out the small drawing pad and pencil he kept in it since he had no idea what else he was meant to use the drawer for. 

He glanced in between Jaehyun’s sleeping form and the sketchpad as he drew, trying to capture each of his unique details through art. 

Yuta had tried to draw him once before, on their honeymoon actually, but Jaehyun had been unable to keep still, due to Yuta’s concentrated expression ‘distracting,’ him. 

He finally started to get tired about halfway through, and much to his attempts to stay awake by drinking water and keeping a few pillows behind his shoulders, he drifted off. 

  
  
  


-

  
  


Yuta woke up in confusion, with a hand brushing against his shoulder and a kiss against his temple. 

He rubbed one eye before looking up, seeing Jaehyun was up and out of bed. He was clearly ready to go someplace as well, as Yuta slowly woke up and noticed he had already gotten ready, his hair was done and he was dressed cleanly in all-black clothing. 

“It’s morning?” Yuta asked with a yawn, petting the back of his head, feeling his messy sleepy-head hair. 

“Yeah, almost 11.” Jaehyun laughed softly. Yuta watched as he grabbed a jacket that had been laying on the ottoman at the end of the bed. 

“Where are you going?” Yuta spoke again, this time he noticed how hoarse his voice was. 

“Out for brunch with some friends,” Jaehyun said, leaning down to brush the hair from Yuta’s eyes once he’d walked back around to the edge of the bed. 

“I liked your artwork.” 

Yuta panicked then, turning to his side to see the sketchpad missing. 

“Don’t worry. I put it back in the drawer for you. But it was nice. You’re so talented.” He hummed then, and Yuta felt himself grow extremely shy. He wasn’t meant to see that yet, as it was an unfinished piece. 

“It was a secret,” Yuta mumbled, falling back against the bed. 

“I’ll pretend I didn’t see it if you’d like,” Jaehyun said, patting the covers where Yuta’s feet were light. Yuta pretended to kick him in response. 

“When will you get back?” Yuta asked, changing the subject. 

“Afternoon, I’m sure. Do you not want me to leave?” A grin tugged at the corner of his lips as he spoke. 

“I never said _that.._ go enjoy your brunch,” Yuta replied to the taller man. 

Yuta watched the man carefully with his eyes. He wondered if it was the exhaustion from the night before, but he couldn’t help but notice how sore he was. He didn’t want to move from bed at all. 

“Go back to sleep if you want,” Jaehyun said, pressing his lips to Yuta’s cheek when Yuta turned away from his lips. 

Once he left, Yuta let himself frown. He couldn’t quite place the odd stirring sensation in his stomach, now that he had sat up. Yuta shook his head, knowing it was most likely just hunger getting to him. 

  
  


-

Yuta was in the middle of cooking an omelet when it hit. 

He reached up, using his sleeve to wipe his forehead, mainly in confusion as he brushed the hair out from his eyes as well. His legs were shaking under him, and he nibbled on his lip, puzzled as to what it could be, until—

It had been over a month since his last heat. Sure, he hadn’t bothered to mark it down anywhere or keep track of it, but much time had passed since the last one had taken place. Except during that heat, he had no bond mark. This one coming on felt different, and he was certain that was the reason for it. 

Thankfully, he hadn’t started to slick yet, and he calmed himself down with a couple of deep breaths, resuming his cooking as if nothing was happening. He cursed himself silently for not bothering to keep track of it since he could’ve been more prepared beforehand if so. He also mentally took note of how odd it was that there had been no pre-heat this time, and he wondered if he should bring that up at his next doctor's appointment. 

Yuta’s stomach churned uncomfortably as he tried to eat, and he sighed. He knew his body needed to consume food, for energy, and yet, it was the last thing on his list of desires at the moment. 

It was ridiculous, nearly comedic timing as well since Yuta was still sore from last night. His body wasn’t thinking of giving him any rest, as he became extremely focused on how he could practically still feel Jaehyun inside of him. He shook his head at his thoughts, trying to focus on anything else, which was pretty much impossible at the moment. 

This was the exact reason Yuta had spent so long on suppressants. They were messy and unpredictable for him, and just an overall chore. Now he had to deal with the now bruised and faded mark on his neck throbbing in the most annoying way possible. He remembered reading something about how after leaving one heat unattended, the next was more viscous than before. 

By afternoon, he was back in bed. Yuta had miscalculated how long he had till the heat hit and made the mistake of trying to be productive, and now he ached. It was terrible, the trembling of his legs and thighs and the overall sensation; leaving him flushed and panting. 

The worst part was how he knew he couldn’t just text Jaehyun and ask him to come home early. He couldn’t allow himself to feel _needy,_ or even worse, demanding in front of a man who had already distanced himself at the very beginning of their marriage. 

So instead—Yuta waited. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


Yuta was in quite a state by the time he heard the familiar sound of footsteps inside, and the nervous feelings from earlier had returned. With all the time he had spent thinking, due to his intense boredom of being bedridden, he realized the urges they had the night before had probably been credited to his heat coming on, he just didn’t even know it since there were no preheat symptoms this time. Yuta only hoped Jaehyun wouldn’t be too surprised. 

However, Yuta was confused when Jaehyun didn’t come upstairs, to the room. With much effort, he pulled himself out of bed, where he had been curled against a blanket, shivering despite the heat. 

Yuta peeked out of the door, where he could partially see downstairs if he looked past the stair railing. 

_Oh,_ Yuta thought right away, as he took in the sight in front of him. Jaehyun was saying goodbye, to Jungwoo, who must’ve come inside. Yuta felt two conflicting emotions at once, one was a flicker of worry, hoping Jungwoo couldn’t smell the scent of heat in the house, and the other was deep, deep jealousy as he watched Jaehyun even standing next to another omega. He knew it was partially the heat talking, but the side made him feel almost enraged. He shut the door, hoping it hadn’t slammed. Jaehyun wasn’t coming upstairs because he was busy talking to his _friend._

Yuta went back to the bed, cursing himself silently as he felt his limbs tremble again from walking. 

He knew he should’ve just called Jaehyun, or texted, when he was running later than he had promised, and told him he was in heat. But his pride hadn’t let him. 

All Yuta could sense in the room was the smell of his heat, his strong pheromones and curses filled the room, as his body willed him to touch himself again. He fought the urge, gripping the blanket enough to make his knuckles go white. The heat came heightened at the mere sight of his spouse, even just a glimpse of Jaehyun’s face had reminded Yuta how strong his desire and urge was. 

Yuta fell forwards against the bed, sure he couldn’t take waiting any longer, as more tears welled up in his eyes—when he heard the sound of footsteps in the hallway. 

He weakly propped himself onto his elbows, turning his head over his shoulder to look at the door. 

“Hyung. Are you okay?” 

Yuta’s eyes met Jaehyun, despite the room being dimmed by the curtains which he’d drawn earlier, he could see him. Yuta watched his face scan the room, clearly reading the picture in front of him. 

“You’re.. in heat.” Jaehyun breathed out, rolling the sleeves of his shirt up as he did. 

Yuta was glad he didn’t have to say it, and the younger man had caught on based on the scent and state of him. 

“When did it start?” Jaehyun asked, eyes blown wide. Yuta was flustered, scrambling to try to sit up. Jaehyun came to sit at the end of the bed, doing his best to be calm, Yuta could tell. He knew how alpha urges worked well enough, and how much self-control it took to not act upon them. 

“This morning,” Yuta said, aware of how his voice was low enough to be a whisper. 

Yuta was hesitant, wanting Jaehyun on him _now_ but also afraid to move closer. It was strange, how vulnerable the heat made him feel. 

“You could’ve texted me. I would’ve come home.” Jaehyun said, brows creased in worry. He reached out, offering Yuta his hand. Yuta accepted the gesture, taking his hand. 

“I.. didn’t want to ruin your day just because I fell into heat, unexpectedly.” 

Jaehyun smiled then, confusing him. 

“You were pretty verbal last night, and we did go a couple of rounds.” He offered as an explanation, which wasn’t exactly what Yuta needed at the moment. He grumbled in response. 

As if Jaehyun could smell his scent turning sour, he moved forward, further onto the bed, causing Yuta to move back against the headboard. 

“I’m sorry. For coming late _and_ for not being able to sense your heat coming, as your mate, I should know.” 

Yuta shook his head, grabbing the blanket. He was wearing his second pair of boxers and a new shirt as well, and he could feel himself getting rather _excited_ again as Jaehyun got closer to him, the warm and comforting scent of alpha surrounding him. 

“But, I don’t want you to feel pressured. If you want to spend your heat alone, I can leave you alone and sleep on the couch or in the guest room.” Jaehyun offered, and Yuta cringed at his words, at the mere idea of spending another heat alone. 

Yet, there was a sense of crippling embarrassment at Jaehyun seeing him like this. The younger man had, of course, seen him ugly cry before, and seen him terrified of a bug, even seen him with a cold once before, but never in such a state as private and raw as an omega’s heat was. 

“No. I don’t want to be alone. And... I missed you.” Yuta answered finally after he had given it some thought. 

Jaehyun smiled softly, petting the back of Yuta’s hand with his thumb. 

“I missed you too,” Jaehyun paused, his eyes flicking over Yuta’s appearance again, “Alright, I can go wash up, and then—“ 

Yuta reacted as soon as Jaehyun stood up, moving towards the edge of the bed. He eagerly reached for Jaehyun’s belt. 

“No, I’ve been waiting _all_ day,” Yuta whined, then before he could pull on the belt anymore he flicked his eyes up, asking for permission. Jaehyun nodded. 

Yuta licked his lips, wetting them as he trembled with want. He freed Jaehyun of the belt, tossing it elsewhere. Before he could go any further, Jaehyun removed his hands, gently pulling them off. He sat back down on the bed, toward the headboard where Yuta had been previously, and pulled the elder man onto his lap. 

“Have you.. pleasured yourself at all?” Jaehyun asked, seeming curious. Yuta wondered if this was his first time seeing an omega in heat. 

“Twice,” Yuta answered quickly, each time having long and painful releases, as any masturbation during a heat without the help of a partner was. 

Yuta weakly fell against Jaehyun’s shoulder, hair splayed out against his nice button-up shirt. 

“I can tell,” Jaehyun spoke slowly, “I wish I could’ve seen that.” 

Yuta felt himself blush, unsure of how he was desirable at all at the moment, with his hair sweaty and skin dewy. He was by no means prepared, but perhaps the rawness was appealing to his lover somehow, Jaehyun was after all, a bit strange. In a good way.

Jaehyun’s entire palm brushed against Yuta’s thigh, patting there softly. Yuta could feel the contrast of their temperatures. 

“I bet you looked so lovely, Hyung.” 

Yuta wanted to dismiss the compliment, but he was weak and in need of more than just simple and small touches. He leaned back, taking Jaehyun’s lips against his. It was the only way to get him to stop saying such embarrassing things anyway. 

“Yuta,” Jaehyun breathed against his lips, as something more primal seemed to kick in. Yuta realized it was because he had spread his legs, unconsciously, during the kiss. 

“God, your scent, I can’t smell anything else, it’s so good.” Jaehyun murmured against the side of Yuta’s cheek, pressing his lips against his skin, then trailing them down to his shoulder, then collarbone. The praise made Yuta swell, becoming even harder than he was already now. 

“Ah,” Yuta whined, his wobbly knees closing again, “I was going to suck you off,” Yuta said, referring to earlier when Jaehyun had batted his hands away from his zipper. 

“Don’t worry about me now. This is about _you.”_ Jaehyun said, in a low and deep tone that made Yuta shiver. 

“Since you’ve never—knotted anyone, I’ll assume you haven’t seen an omega in heat. I’ll warn you, I want, and _want_.” 

“That’s fine by me,” Jaehyun answered, bringing his hand to brush above Yuta’s shirt, colder hands petting against his lower abdomen, where his want was pooling. Yuta whined, low and drawn out in his throat. 

Jaehyun brushed Yuta’s hair off the back of his neck, pushing it off to one side. 

“I could get used to seeing you like this,” Jaehyun whispered, sucking against the now exposed scent mark on his neck. Yuta grabbed his arm, nails digging into the skin. 

Then, without thinking, Yuta pushed his ass down against Jaehyun’s clothed cock, his ego reveling in the low moan he earned from the younger man. 

Yuta wiggled his hips with skill, arching his back along with it. In return, Jaehyun felt lower, reaching into his boxers, he began to pump him slowly, finger teasing the tip of his cock as he did. Yuta trembled, tossing his head back against Jaehyun’s shoulder again. 

More slick came as Jaehyun touched him, and when Jaehyun removed his hand from Yuta’s cock, traveling lower, he could most definitely feel the wetness surrounding him. 

This seemed to be the last straw for Jaehyun, as he lifted him, switching the position so that Yuta was under him, no longer hidden by the previous position where he hadn’t been faced with Jaehyun staring at him with wide-blown, primal eyes. 

“You want this, Hyung? You aren’t too tired?” Jaehyun checked, as his fingers pulled on the waistband of Yuta’s boxers, about to reveal him entirely. 

“Yes. Jaehyun, I need you. It’s what I want, please.” Yuta whined softly, wrapping his arms around Jaehyun’s broad shoulders, in complete trust. 

Jaehyun kissed him again, as he removed his boxers, tossing them aside. He gripped onto Yuta’s thighs with a tight yet gentle grip, pulling them apart, Yuta went along with it, opening his legs to allow Jaehyun between them. 

When their lips separated, Yuta gasped at the sight of Jaehyun, surprisingly feeling some sort of power at the ability to make an alpha feel this way, just by being in heat. Jaehyun looked far gone by the scent of his slick alone. 

Yuta trembled when Jaehyun’s hand tugged his member again, once or twice, surprised by the touch there, since Jaehyun usually deprived him there, wanting to watch him come untouched things were much different with Yuta in heat. Jaehyun was going much slower, and more gentle than before. However, when he inserted a finger inside, flicking it softly into Yuta’s heat, Yuta arched his back, clutching the comforter with his shaky hands.

“I don’t.. need it. You can fuck me without it, in heat.” Yuta tried to say, but Jaehyun seemed intent on fingering him. The gesture, or perhaps politeness, was nice, but part of Yuta wished the alpha would just _take_ him already. His body was prepared for a bloody reason. 

“So, you touched yourself like this earlier,” Jaehyun said, voice strained and low, barely above a breath. 

“Yes,” Yuta answered swiftly. He kept his hands steady on Jaehyun’s shoulders. 

“Did you say my name when you came?” Jaehyun asked a dirty, dirty question. Any other time, Yuta would’ve scoffed and perhaps even laughed in his face. 

“Please.” Yuta tried, voice weak and hoarse. 

“Did you?” 

“Yes,” Yuta said, clearly embarrassed. 

Jaehyun seemed content with that answer, curling his fingers and quickening the pace of them. 

“So beautiful,” Jaehyun said, as Yuta dug his nails into his skin with a particularly hard thrust of his fingers. 

Yuta gasped when he added yet another finger, as he rarely used three fingers on him. An even deeper, troubling desire built up in him as he watched Jaehyun’s eyes, dark, and seemingly trying to watch his fingers enter Yuta and the way the elder’s face twisted and his mouth fell open at the same time. 

A strong sensation hit Yuta in his lower abdomen before he was prepared, alike to a giant wave, and he came, unexpectedly and with Jaehyun staring him down the entire time, mesmerized. 

“Oh,” Jaehyun breathed out, as Yuta turned his cheek, still whimpering softly, “I guess I should’ve realized.. you’re—“ 

“Jaehyun, I need you in me, _now_ ,” Yuta said, suddenly demanding as ever despite how weak he still felt and the way his legs were trembling. He didn’t have time to explain to an alpha how omega’s tended to have more than _an_ average amount of orgasms while in heat. 

Yuta whined when Jaehyun withdrew his fingers, having gotten used to the feeling of being full with _something._

Jaehyun tapped his hip lightly, signally for Yuta to sit up, when he did, Jaehyun helped remove his shirt, tossing it aside. Then, he began to undo the buttons of his jeans. Yuta leaned back down, spreading his legs easily and just _watching_ him. 

After he finished undressing, Yuta beckoned him forward with a finger, and their lips met again. Jaehyun’s hands rubbed up and down his sides, gently feeling him up. 

Yuta watched as Jaehyun pumped his cock, feeling a slight wanton desire to be the one to touch him that way. However, he was not in much of a state to move. Plus, just with his eyes alone, Yuta could see Jaehyun didn’t need much help, already more than half-hard. 

“Come on,” Yuta whispered when Jaehyun kissed him yet again. It was a gentle, and touching kiss, despite the current situation they were in. 

Yuta lifted his legs higher, using his hands to do so, and gasped into the kiss when Jaehyun finally pushed inside him. Jaehyun broke the first kiss, moaning lowly and leaning down to nudge against Yuta’s bite mark. 

The elder man gripped against Jaehyun’s hair, reaching for purchase anywhere as he adjusted to the feeling of being _full_ after he had felt empty all day. 

Even in the dim light of the room, when they locked eyes, Yuta could _feel_ it. All the adoration, something almost alike to love in Jaehyun’s eyes. Or perhaps that was what Yuta wanted to see—or, more realistically, _lust._ Yuta couldn’t think about it now, as Jaehyun pulled back again and thrust into him once more, harder than before after he realized there was barely any resistance now. 

“Hyung, you okay?” Jaehyun checked in, after what had been a couple of minutes of them getting used to each other again. 

“Yes, yes, fuck me.” Yuta urged him on, not caring about anything else now. Or at least trying his best not to. 

The stretch was what Yuta had been waiting for, and so he lifted his hips slightly, at each thrust, reveling in the feeling of it. 

“Harder!” Yuta only had to ask, or more like, demand it from him once, because the pace changed immediately after his request. 

Yuta braced himself using Jaehyun’s arms, one gripping the headboard and the other one up by Yuta’s head near the pillow. The warm feeling of a cock slamming into him was enough for temporary bliss, as he felt the heat became less painful during sex, of course, that was how it worked, but that didn’t mean it was any less rewarding than he’d been expecting. 

Jaehyun fucked him hard enough that it took his breath away, and Yuta’s mind was filled with one consistent mantra of how much the pleasure overwhelmed him. 

“Fuck, so wet and tight,” Jaehyun said, voice hoarse and weak. He continued to mutter praises against Yuta’s skin, some more vulgar than others.

It again, made Yuta feel powerful as ever to see the effect that an omega’s heat had on an alpha. Yuta was proud of himself for not treating his husband like a walking dildo, at least, not yet, but he was certain that the younger’s stamina would be able to keep up with the rest of his heat. 

“Yes!” Yuta cried after one particularly hard thrust that sent him nearly head-butting the headboard, but he didn’t care. Yuta loved it when Jaehyun got like this during sex, and clearly, the alpha inside had become alive given Yuta’s current state. 

Jaehyun gripped his hips, dragging Yuta down to meet each of his thrusts, and Yuta grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him down for another bruising kiss. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


By the third day of Yuta’s heat, both of them were used to Yuta waking up again after a long power-nap and searching for more attention from Jaehyun. 

A lot of Yuta’s heat did involve him sleeping, recovering from how exhausting it was for him. Jaehyun was the one who’d then insist that Yuta got something to eat, despite Yuta claiming he wasn’t in the mood for anything, and then jumping Jaehyun in the next minute. 

There were also strange dreams that came with this heat, which had never been something Yuta had dealt with before. He wondered if mated heat symptoms were different compared to heats he’d spent alone 

Yuta woke up, sweating and slick leaking from him. He groaned, pushing lightly at Jaehyun, who was cuddled up against his side. Jaehyun didn’t stir, however, and Yuta sighed. He debated for a moment if he could get up and take himself to the shower, then, he dismissed his thoughts when he felt Jaehyun’s hands tighten around his waist. 

He _needed_ him. He didn’t care about being sore, or any of that now, he only knew that he was aching for Jaehyun; the man who was snoring next to him. 

Yuta nuzzled against his neck, trying to press a kiss to his jaw, doing anything really in an attempt to wake the younger man up. 

“Jaehyun,” Yuta called, and that was what did it. 

“You’re up?” Jaehyun asked, in confusion, he rolled away from Yuta to check the digital clock on his nightstand. 

“It’s 3:00—“ 

Yuta pounced on him, straddling Jaehyun in a way that made the other man shot him a hungry look. 

“I don’t care what time it is.” 

“Mm, wow,” Jaehyun chuckled, voice still sleepy, which somehow sounded even deeper than it usually did, and made Yuta feel even more electrically charged inside. 

Yuta clawed at his chest, listening to how Jaehyun hummed in his throat, just watching him instead of doing anything. 

“Don’t wanna fuck me?” Yuta asked, in a teasing tone. He reached down, removing the large shirt which was all he had worn to bed. 

Jaehyun growled at that, wrapping both hands around Yuta’s torso. 

“Then do something about it,” Yuta said, playing and mocking the alpha, which he knew wasn’t the proper way most omegas acted in heat. But it _hurt_ , he was both tired and worn out from all the sex yet he still wanted more, and the worst part was how impatient it made him. 

Yuta ground his hips down, putting on some sort of show for the younger man, which had worked evidently, as Jaehyun reached in between his legs, rubbing at his rim. Yuta whined, falling forward almost instantly. He was fragile as ever right now, yet couldn’t bring himself to admit it entirely. 

Jaehyun rubbed his fingers in a circle and seemed to chuckle at the way Yuta twitched on top of him. 

“It’s not funny,” Yuta whined in desperate embarrassment. His cheeks were flushed again, and he could feel the heat kicking in entirely again. He hoped this would be the last wave of it. Yuta wasn’t sure how much longer he could deal with such an intense need to be fucked. 

“I know, my love, I apologize.” Jaehyun brought his other hand to rub circles against his back. 

Yuta weakly sat up then, fumbling for the band of Jaehyun’s sweatpants. He reached beneath it, slowly pumping his cock. 

“Fuck, Yuta.” 

Jaehyun let Yuta use his hand on him, jacking him to full hardness, until it became too much and he held Yuta by the hips, adjusting himself so he could remove his sweatpants entirely. 

“Let me.” Yuta continued, using some of his slick to lubricate Jaehyun’s cock, before he slid down on it, not even letting himself get used to the tip. It was easier to ride him in heat, both of them had discovered, since usually outside of heat when Yuta had been in this position, it felt like his guts were getting rearranged. 

“God damn, Yuta,” Jaehyun said, fingers digging into his hips. 

“I know,” Yuta said, way too giddy as he sunk entirely onto his cock, slowly rolling his hips as he did. 

Jaehyun groaned at that, his fingers trailing up and down Yuta’s back. One of his hands reached for Yuta’s jaw, thumb almost on his lips. Yuta felt appreciated, he felt admired, it was all overwhelming, how _good_ Jaehyun managed to make him feel at a time when he was usually ashamed and scared. 

His knees started to shake, and he closed his eyes, a low and animalistic whine grew in his throat. Yuta gave his all, riding him like there was no tomorrow as Jaehyun groaned and thrust upwards underneath him. 

After a couple more minutes of Yuta riding Jaehyun as fast as he could, and the sound of their skin on skin filling the room in such an obscene way, Yuta could feel Jaehyun’s knot swelling inside him, whether it was intentional or not. 

“Please, Jaehyun.” Yuta cried out, head falling against the younger man’s shoulder

He got the message, loud and clear, as he pulled out for a moment, rolling them over. Yuta was on his side then, and Jaehyun slipped back in, holding him from behind. 

Yuta gave a broken cry, whining loudly into the pillow next to his face. They had _just_ changed the sheets again earlier. 

Jaehyun pulled one of his legs up so that he could get a better angle, and Yuta was gone. He came with a loud yell, his body going slack but not before he was trembling and shaking, muttering Jaehyun’s name in a continuous loop. 

Yuta arched his back further, the feeling of Jaehyun’s hips slamming into him as he chased his release, even after Yuta had already finished, was driving him mad. 

Jaehyun wrapped his arms tightly around the elder man, pressing his lips to his shoulder, leaving love bites against his skin now and then. 

“Yuta, oh, Yuta.” Jaehyun breathed against his ear, splaying his palm against Yuta’s stomach. 

The elder man fell back against the pillow, as Jaehyun’s knot swelled big inside of him. He gasped relentlessly, unable to prevent the way his toes curled and he felt himself clench around the sensation. 

Yuta realized, somewhere in the back of his mind, this was the part where people usually said _‘I love you,’_ to each other. 

He only realized it because it had almost slipped from his mouth, in his disoriented and confused state, he had nearly admitted it. 

Jaehyun was just as caring and cautious as he had been the first few nights of his heat. After much time, he’d pulled out and left the room only to return with a wet towel, pressing it to Yuta’s face to help with the heat and the sweat. 

“You okay, baby?” Jaehyun asked, sounding genuine as ever. 

Yuta just nodded, desperate for sleep again. Jaehyun had once again fulfilled his carnal needs, more than he could ever ask for, and even in Yuta’s exhausted state; he began to wonder how it would feel if they connected the same way on an emotional level as they did physically. 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Even after his heat ended, Yuta didn’t want to leave the house. He complained about his legs and even scolded Jaehyun for being too rough again, who, in his defense, had only complied with Yuta’s requests in his heat. 

Yuta was, most of all, tired. 

So, on a Friday afternoon, they were curled up inside. Yuta had managed to convince Jaehyun he could use a laptop and work on the couch, whilst watching tv with him. He wouldn’t have Jaehyun sitting alone in the office when they had plenty of other ways to do things. 

He had already taken his second nap of the day when he felt himself starting to drift off again, showing zero interest in the rom-com they had chosen to watch. 

“Hey.” Jaehyun nudged him with his shoulder, Yuta looked up, from where he had leaned back against the couch. The younger man had finally put his laptop away and Yuta smiled at the sight. 

“If you fall asleep again, you won’t be able to sleep tonight.” 

“I don’t see how that’s a problem,” Yuta said with a yawn. 

“You can’t become nocturnal, Yuta,” Jaehyun said, shaking his head. 

“Maybe it’s my brain preparing for university already.” He said, mostly joking. 

“I always pulled all-nighters in school. That was the only way I got anything done, most of my inspiration hit at night.” He explained. 

“So then, how did you pay attention in class?” Jaehyun asked, his face scrunched together in a way that showed he was puzzled. 

“I didn’t. I took a nap and then asked for notes from someone cute.” 

Jaehyun sighed, unable to prevent himself from chuckling slightly when he saw the proud expression on Yuta’s face at what he had just admitted. 

They finally both turned their attention towards the movie, halfway through already, and Yuta continued to talk over the leads, criticizing the way they were handling their relationship. 

“That movie was weird. Why did he take her back at the end after she ignored him _so_ many times?” Yuta complained, rolling his eyes. 

“Because. Love.” Jaehyun teased, in a sing-songy voice. Yuta shoved at his shoulder. 

Yuta begrudgingly followed Jaehyun into the kitchen, when the younger man had announced he was going to cook dinner. He still didn’t have any appetite, which he didn’t think much of, despite how it seemed to worry Jaehyun slightly. 

The way Jaehyun worried was rather cute, in Yuta’s eyes, because he never quite admitted that he was worried, instead, it showed on his face, clear as day, and in subtle ways. 

“Is there any food you’re craving?” Jaehyun suggested as he looked through one of the many cookbooks they kept in the kitchen. 

“No. Nothing sounds good.” Yuta answered with a simple shrug. 

Jaehyun frowned again, and Yuta found the subtle yet _there_ worry to be sweet. 

After a few minutes of watching Jaehyun cook from the comfortable space of one of the barstools, Yuta yawned. 

“I think I’m gonna lay down, for a bit.” Yuta said, unable to deny the way he felt slightly dizzy and his stomach felt strangely tight. 

“Okay. I’ll leave you some leftovers if you aren’t up by the time it’s done.” Jaehyun said, pausing his chopping of garlic to watch Yuta walk out of the room. 

“Thanks,” Yuta called as he walked down the long hallway. 

Upon instinct, Yuta went straight to the bathroom, bracing himself with the counter, he took a few deep breaths. 

His muscles had become incredibly tense as the feeling in his stomach continued, and he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up as he began to panic, just a little bit. 

Yuta’s reflection also looked rather pale, more than usual, and he didn’t like this symptom either. It was too early to be flu season, but he wondered if he was sick from eating something wrong or possibly exhaustion. These could easily be the case, he reminded himself, trying to calm down as much as possible. 

“Shit,” Yuta groaned, as his stomach clenched the more he moved. 

Yuta felt very cold, but when he touched his arm, his skin felt hot. 

Then, in a split second, he retched, throwing up into the skin, since it was the nearest thing. The sight and sensation of throwing up only made it worse, and this time he made it to the toilet basin. Throwing up wasn’t something Yuta had done since he was much younger, and partied more, back then he would often throw up the next morning on a hangover bend, but this wasn’t the case. 

Yuta hadn’t missed the feeling at all, hot tears welled up in his eyes from the pain of bile in his throat. He sighed, dragging himself up again to clean up the mess in the sink. He was quite dizzy, but he wanted to finish it. 

Then, he stripped himself of his clothing and stepped into the shower. After sitting on the shower floor for as long as he’d felt like it, Yuta got up, dressing in a towel and heading to bed. He grabbed a shirt and boxers along the way, weakly dressing and falling into bed. 

Yuta was glad Jaehyun hadn’t seen him now, since he felt like he was at his worst and didn’t want to be seen. However, he couldn’t rest the second his head hit the pillow. Yuta reached for his phone, taking it from the charger. 

First, he tried to call Doyoung, in the hopes that the beta would at least listen to him. However, Doyoung didn’t answer. Yuta had known it was a long shot anyway since Doyoung was currently taking summer classes. He sighed, scrolling through his contacts. 

Yuta’s next choice was his sister, but then he remembered she was the one who had gone to pick their youngest sister up from the airport, and he didn’t want to deal with that now. 

Frustrated, he dropped his phone back against the mattress, trying to sleep again. 

When he was finally starting to fall asleep, after laying still enough on his side that the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach had subsided, his phone rang. 

Yuta figured it was Doyoung calling him back, possibly off class already, and calling back to ask what he needed, but instead, the caller ID showed that it was Taeyong. 

With slight hesitation, Yuta answered. He sat up a bit more on his side and cleared his throat. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, Yuta. I was just calling because I haven’t heard from you in a couple of days, and I wanted to know how you were doing.” Taeyong said. Yuta could hear the sound of some movie playing in the background on the other end. 

“Oh. Thank you,” Yuta said, slightly taken aback by the gesture, Taeyong was sort of different from other friends in that way, Yuta figured, “I’m alright. I’ve been busy—“ Yuta paused, unable to think of an excuse, “but it’s funny you called to ask because I’m feeling strangely sick now.” 

“Yeah, you sound a bit out of it. Is it a sore throat or something?” 

“No, I think it might be the stomach flu,” Yuta said, sighing after he did. 

“Ah, I hope not. I had that back in December, it sucked! Have you thrown up today?” Taeyong sounded like he had genuine pity in his voice as he spoke. 

“Yeah, just recently actually,” Yuta said, letting out an old chuckle. It felt like a weird thing to admit, but he knew Taeyong wouldn’t make it odd. 

“I see. You know, Yuta, it may sound strange coming from me... given our… different experiences but if it continues you could see your doctor, for any questions you might have.” Taeyong said, with a soft tone. It reminded Yuta that he was indeed an alpha. 

Yuta wondered if Taeyong had connected the dots. Yuta had claimed to be busy for a few days when he had disappeared entirely, and now he was throwing up. The thought made him feel even more nauseous. 

Of course, he knew it couldn’t be anything serious. There was no way, plus, it never happened that _quickly._ Yuta wasn’t an expert on how that kind of stuff worked, sure, but he also wasn’t an idiot. 

That didn’t stop him from counting on his hand how many months had passed since he’d been off suppressants. 

“You’re right. I will if it continues.” Yuta said, finally. 

He realized Taeyong had called and not mentioned one thing about himself yet, feeling suddenly selfish about dumping his medical info on his friend. 

“But, anyway, how have you been?” Yuta questioned, turning his head to look at the door as he heard the sound of footsteps down the hall. 

Taeyong began to talk about how he’d just finished another troubling wedding, and this time he’d ever _seen_ the bride flirt with her the groom's best man. Yuta threw the covers off him, and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. 

He heard Jaehyun come in and was suddenly hit with a huge realization of the fact that he’d just hidden from his husband while on the phone with a friend. 

Yuta shook his head, walking back out of the bathroom. He had no clue where the secretive nature had come from. 

“That’s bizarre. Was the pay good at least?” Yuta asked once Taeyong had finished telling his story. 

Jaehyun’s knowing eyes were on Yuta, as the elder man sat down on the bed. 

He wasn’t speaking, being polite since Yuta was clearly on the phone. Instead, he headed to the bathroom. Yuta heard the shower turn on a minute or two later. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  


The following Saturday morning was his little sister’s welcoming home party, the one that his mother had insisted he come to. 

Jaehyun and Yuta had been running slightly late to the party, due to Yuta taking ‘long to get ready,’ when in reality, he’d thrown up again, with the sink on. 

Yuta was certain that Jaehyun hadn’t caught on, as he’d spent the extra minutes simply changing his jacket a few more times and fussing with his already styled hair. 

His mother had gone far enough to have the party outdoors since the weather was nice, but the sun was the last thing Yuta wanted to see right now. The heat made his strange headache feel worse. 

He sipped on water, skipping the alcohol, which made Jaehyun crease his eyebrows at him, and Yuta made the excuse that he didn’t want to get drunk so early in the morning. 

“What was her major again?” Jaehyun asked, walking alongside Yuta. 

They had just finished greeting Mina, who had dyed her hair a shocking _auburn_ color at college, enough to make their mother shake her head in dissatisfaction. It was slightly overshadowed by Yuta’s new nose piercing, which had gotten him nothing but a sharp glare in his direction from her. 

“Psychology,” Yuta said simply. He tugged a bit at his black suit jacket, feeling the urge to slip out of it due to the humidity, but he kept it on. 

“Mm. That’s what I thought. I didn’t want to be rude by asking her.” Jaehyun said, a light laugh slipping from his mouth. 

“It wouldn’t have come off as rude, silly. When you ask people things like that, it just shows you want to be sure.” Yuta said, taking yet another sip of water. 

He glanced across the field that was his parent’s backyard, towards the rock path that led from the front of the house. 

“Your parents are here,” Yuta said, gesturing in their direction. 

“I didn’t know they were even coming,” Jaehyun said, his eyes widening a bit. 

“Of course, Jaehyun. They’re my in-laws.” 

Yuta paused, as he was about to walk towards them to greet them, he spotted they had brought a guest. Tall, brunette, a smile that suited a model and the walk of someone confident: was Jungwoo. 

“They brought a guest?” Yuta said, turning to look at Jaehyun. 

As they walked closer, the confusion became stronger. Yuta couldn’t think of a valid reason as to why they’d bring him along to a family party. 

“Jaehyun,” Yuta said when Jaehyun didn’t answer him. He couldn’t read the man’s face, as it had become stone-cold. 

“Sorry—I should go.. say hello.” 

“Don’t you want me to come with you?” Yuta said, blinking at Jaehyun. 

“No, that’s okay, they’ll be over here in a second anyway.” 

Yuta wondered why Jaehyun had brushed him off in such a panicked manner, as the watched the younger man jog to reach his father. 

His heart skipped a beat, as he watched Jaehyun’s mother link her arm with Jungwoo. Why was she acting as if he was her son-in-law? He thought, even though it wasn’t like Yuta felt any sort of jealousy, but more so, annoyance. 

“Yuta.” His mother had appeared next to him, a hand on his shoulder. 

“Yes, mother. I’m just as confused as you are.” 

He flicked his eyes back to Jaehyun, who seemed to be arguing, or—discussing something with his father in a close manner. Yuta could tell just by Jaehyun’s stance that he was mad. 

“Who is that. On her arm?” His mother said, her tone icy cold. Yuta knew that tone. 

“Jungwoo. One of Jaehyun’s classmates. And a friend, I guess.” Yuta shrugged, feeling his jaw tense. 

“This is not good. Oh, this is bad.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Yuta, dear. You’re smart. You know how bad the recent dinners we’ve had with you in-laws have been. Now, _this?_ They aren’t happy.” She hissed. 

“It’s not like any of our family know Jungwoo. Just tell them he’s Jaehyun’s cousin or something.” Yuta said, already thinking of a lie he knew his mother would be capable of coming up with. 

“Don’t worry about them right now. We need to go say hello.” She said, her hand still tight on Yuta’s shoulder. 

They began to walk over, and Yuta dreaded each step they took. He could see Jaehyun’s mother was dressed in some expensive couture dress, her pearls on display, and her hair styled perfectly. Her arm was still linked with Jungwoo’s. 

Yuta was glad his mother greeted her first, doing the typical sort of passive-aggressive half-hug that she gave whenever she was annoyed with someone. 

Jaehyun’s mother only gave him a silent nod when he made a half-bow toward her, in an attempt to be formal, in the way she seemed to care about so much.

“Have you two met?” Jaehyun’s mother asked, casually flicking her hand in between Jungwoo, who had at least a couple of inches alone on Yuta, and him. 

“Yes,” Yuta answered plainly. He refrained from craning his neck, as Jaehyun and his father came closer. Jaehyun’s eyes were dark and gloomy, and Yuta became even more conflicted by this. 

“Oh!” She did a fake gasp, “Jungwoo said he wasn’t sure if you had met each other yet.. so I thought it would be polite to bring him along. He’s been a family friend for a long time, you know.” 

Of course, Jungwoo hadn’t remembered if he had met him or not, the first time they’d met they had barely shared a word between each other. 

“I’ve never heard his family name before.” Yuta’s mother added, causing Yuta to turn, shooting her a glare. He didn’t need her adding on top of this right now.

“Ah, there you are, Jaehyun.” His mother said, finally stepping away from Jungwoo to bring her son closer. 

The whole interaction reminded Yuta of when they had first begun, it felt so childish, and so organized. He had expected these kinds of interactions to be _done once_ they were married. Yet here they were. 

“I thought you had already told Yuta’s family of your plans.” She muttered to him, quiet, but enough that Yuta could hear it. 

He glanced behind him, his hair getting caught in the wind as he did, but he had to check and see if anyone was watching them. Thankfully, everyone appeared to be preoccupied. 

“What plans?” Yuta’s mother asked, sounding a bit irritated. 

Yuta felt close to breaking a sweat, and he focused on not allowing his legs to become wobbly at all. He couldn’t deny that his heart was racing in his chest. 

_What hasn’t he told me?_ Yuta thought, glancing up at Jaehyun as he did. The younger man didn’t look back at him. 

“I mean, it was quite big news. We would’ve told you at another dinner, with just us... but we know you’ve been.. busy lately.” Jaehyun’s mother said, giving false reassurance. Yuta figured she didn’t even know what the current party was or who it was being held for. 

“So? Do tell, dear, I’m dying to know.” Yuta’s mother said, all through her teeth. 

“Jaehyun got accepted with an international scholarship for Oxford University. It’s a plan we’ve had for a while. We were uncertain if he’d make it for a bit, but surely, somehow, he did.” 

Yuta tried to swallow the lump in his throat and was unable to do so. 

“Oxford, you say? Yuta, did you know of this?” Yuta’s mother said, questioning him right away of course. Her tone made it sound like it was all his fault. 

“Yes.” Yuta lied, looking at Jaehyun as he did. The younger man finally met his eyes, a pained look in them. 

“Ah, so you have talked about it then.” 

Yuta wasn’t listening to anything Jaehyun’s mother was saying then, as he kept his gaze locked on his husband in front of him. 

He was so tired of this, of feeling like everything was fine, and then another lie came to surface. It was exhausting for him, and on top of being sick, it was the last thing Yuta wanted to deal with at the moment. 

He was done. 

“Jungwoo got accepted too, he’ll most likely be Jaehyun’s roommate there, if they can find some sort of living space there,” Her sharp voice sounded distant to Yuta, “oh, but don’t be too worried Yuta, it won’t be forever. And you can visit too, of course.” 

Yuta still didn’t look at her. He could see Jungwoo’s confused and shocked expression in the corner of his vision, but he didn’t have any words for him either. 

“Hm, you know. I’ve never wanted to travel to England. It’s so rainy there.” Yuta said, and gave his mother-in-law one last glare, before excusing himself. 

He could hear his mother behind him, making up some lie about how Yuta had been joking around. When in reality, he had not been. 

Yuta, despite himself, went inside of his old home, rushing up the stairs. He went right to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. 

Why did Jaehyun _lie_ to him again? Was he trying to hurt Yuta now? And if so, for what? 

Yuta sat on the edge of the bathtub, stress running through his body all at once, and began to cry. He muffled the tears with his hand, he felt so _stupid._

In his anger, and hurt, and confusion, he considered the situation in his mind and began to wonder if Jaehyun was planning on leaving without even telling him. If he had been a liar the whole time and was just going to leave after he got what he wanted. After he had used Yuta enough. 

Another sob worked up in his throat, as he knew that couldn’t be right. He tried to justify it then, trying to tell himself Jaehyun might have only just found out about it, and his parents had planned it all. But that didn’t make sense to him either. And he didn’t want to make excuses for the younger man anymore. 

Yuta thought back to the last big argument they’d had, and how he’d forgiven Jaehyun so easily. He sighed, gathering himself and stood up from the bathtub, splashing some water on his face from the sink. This time, he wasn’t going to give in. 

Because, whatever the situation was, Yuta was not the first person Jaehyun went to when he had a problem. And vice versa, he realized, thinking about how his first instinct last night had been to call a friend instead of confiding in his husband. Where was the trust between them? 

Yuta wiped more of his tears, as he wondered where they’d gone wrong. Or if it had just been doomed from the very start between them. If they were bound to be a marriage built on nothing but habit and lust. 

Sure enough, within a couple of minutes, a soft knock came at the door. 

“Yuta—“ Jaehyun called, voice weak and almost pathetic. 

“Leave me alone,” Yuta called back, somehow managing to make his voice a bit stable. 

“If you’ll let me in, we can talk, and—“ 

“No,” Yuta replied, not giving Jaehyun a chance to try to say sorry this time. He would need to do a lot more than that. 

Yuta was tired, of going in circles like this. The last thing he needed was for Jaehyun to see him teary-eyed again and give him some sort of pity. What he needed now was to think things over, preferably with some comfortable distance between them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh of course i had to end it on an angsty note. what do you guys think? was it obvious that jaehyun was hiding something? 
> 
> anyway, last smut of the fic, lol i updated the tags bc i realized this fic came out a lot smuttier than i had originally expected 😭. 
> 
> thank you guys for reading as always, hope you are all doing well!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! so, this chapter is a lot of words, around 22k just warning haha, but i didn’t want to drag it out anymore and i wanted to get everything out. 
> 
> also, just a warning this chapter and the last chapter both will include implied and mentions of mpreg. the reason this wasn’t a tag before is due to it being a spoiler but judging on ALL the comments on the last chapter—you guys were smart enough to figure it out! 
> 
> thank you so much for alllll of your support i love you all so much!!

Once the party was over, the drive home was nearly painful. Yuta didn’t want to be in the car with Jaehyun, sitting in silence in a way that made him wish he was anywhere but there. He was already planning out in his head how he’d go straight to Doyoung’s once they got home and he had access to his car. 

Yuta knew he wanted to stay the night there, and how it was a given that Doyoung would be fine with it. There was something that seemed even stronger about their bond, after the whole incident with Johnny, which seemed like ages ago now, had been resolved. 

Jaehyun kept nervously tapping his hand on the steering wheel, and it made Yuta’s already sour mood even worse. Yuta could also feel Jaehyun’s eyes burning into him every few minutes, trying to read him. 

Yuta wouldn’t look at Jaehyun now, or even talk to him. He had made it clear at the party that he needed time to cool off and process everything.

At home, Yuta got out of the car as soon as it was in park. 

“Yuta—“ Jaehyun tried, but Yuta had already walked away from him. 

The house felt cold and unfamiliar. Yuta felt his stomach twist as he remembered when Jaehyun had brought him there on their first real date, and how he’d made the whole thing _oh_ so romantic. 

_What a fake Jaehyun was. What a great actor he was._ Yuta closed his eyes, still trying to fight back tears from both his rage and sadness, which were both twisting around inside of him, one trying to overtake the other. 

Once in his—or their room, Yuta grabbed a bag from the top of his closet, reaching for a few tank-tops and sweatpants, whatever was closest to him. He then went to the bathroom, grabbing for his skincare which was next to the second sink on the counter. 

“What are you doing?” A voice came, slightly strained. Jaehyun must’ve finally followed him upstairs. 

Yuta didn’t answer, stepping into the shower quickly to grab his shampoo and conditioner.

“Hey, no,” Jaehyun reached for him, and Yuta moved away, pushing past him with ease, “Yuta. look at me. Listen to me, please.” 

“I think I’ve done enough of that for now,” Yuta muttered back. He could feel the sting of tears rising again, and he sniffed, trying to will them away. He was not going to cry in front of him. He knew what that would lead to. 

If he cried in front of him, he’d become weak again, which would allow his omega instincts to take over—and he’d find himself back in Jaehyun’s arms. He was certain of that. Yuta didn’t trust himself enough not to go back to him just because it would be easy, and feel good. 

“Where are you going?” Jaehyun said, weakly. Yuta looked at him for a split second, and he could see those pleading eyes he hated so much. Jaehyun showed them whenever he was trying to say sorry for something, but wouldn’t even say the words. Jaehyun had always been so uncomfortable with apologizing, or any kind of strong emotional display. 

Yuta wondered why he hadn’t noticed that sooner. 

“Should I tell you? It’s not like you care enough to tell me any of your plans. Or your parent’s plans, for that matter.” Yuta snapped back, already making his way down the long staircase. 

Jaehyun followed him to the front door, and Yuta sighed. He knew it was unlikely that Jaehyun would just let him leave, and if he left now, Jaehyun would probably follow him. 

Yuta dropped his bag in front of the door, taking in a deep breath as he did. 

“Look, you have to understand that I was waiting for the right moment to tell you. And then, other things kept coming up and getting in the way. I knew it would be a hard discussion to have, and I knew you wouldn’t want to live in someplace where it’s dark and rainy—“ 

“Stop. That’s exactly the problem. You always find my faults faster than you find your own, and instead of talking to me, and asking me how I feel, you _assume_ my emotions. You make ideas in your head of how I’d feel rather than just asking me.” Yuta said before Jaehyun could make any more excuses for himself. 

The alpha _almost_ looked guilty, as he frowned down at the floor. 

“You think that I wouldn’t want to go live in England because it’s rainy and cold. But you don’t take in the fact that maybe, just maybe, I’d go anywhere that you are. That’s the difference between you and me, Jaehyun.” 

“I guess... I wasn’t looking at it that way. I should’ve talked to you about it sooner.” 

“Yes. You should’ve. You really should’ve.” Yuta said, his bottom lip had begun to tremble slightly as he spoke. 

“I already called Doyoung and he said I could go stay with him. I don’t know how long I’ll be there. But I don’t want to be here right now.” Yuta said and watched how Jaehyun looked up at him finally at his words, eyes widened with shock. 

Yuta guessed he had been expecting Yuta to forgive him, perhaps, just like the last time they’d argued; to sweep it all under the rug again. But Yuta couldn’t do it anymore. Jaehyun’s confusing way of loving was killing him inside, and their relationship as a result. Yuta had fallen so deeply for the other man, that it was all-consuming. Yet when he reached out for him, Jaehyun was nowhere to be seen. 

“I hope that when you lay down to go to sleep tonight, you think about this. Think about what I’m saying to you. Whatever you believe, you have shown me that you aren’t committed to me at all.” 

“I wanted us to work together in all of this. But now I’m not so sure if that’s possible, given the path you want to go down all by yourself.” Yuta added. 

“That’s not—true, Yuta,” Jaehyun said, finally speaking up again.

“Is it not?”

Yuta knew he didn’t have to dig the knife in, nor did he need to partially insult him in the process, but he was tired. Of everything. 

With that, Yuta opened the door to the garage. Jaehyun continued to trail behind him, all the way until Yuta was in the car, with the engine already running. 

“When will you come back?” Jaehyun asked again, irritating Yuta further since he’d already said he didn’t know how long he’d be gone for. 

“I just can’t be here right now. I’m sick of this, Jaehyun. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.” Yuta muttered, his hand gripping the steering wheel. 

Jaehyun moved away from the window then, his lips pursed and his jaw tight. Yuta looked away from him, ignoring the view of him in his rearview mirror. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Yuta got to Doyoung’s apartment, in a bit of a messy state. He had already cried in the car, once he’d parked it. It was somewhat of a miracle that he’d been able to keep himself together for as long as he could, despite how his hands had become slightly shaky about halfway through the drive. 

“Hey.” He said, able to manage a small smile once Doyoung opened the door. 

Yuta could hear the sound of a movie playing in the background, and he took in Doyoung’s appearance, which consisted of his slightly askew hair, prescription glasses, and pajamas. 

“Oh, Yuta, I didn’t know you were coming!” Doyoung said, smiling, and then frowning after he examined Yuta’s face. Yuta was sure he’d already cried half his makeup off by now. 

“Yeah, sorry, I should’ve called first. I kinda showed up unexpectedly.” Yuta said with a soft chuckle following his statement. 

“Are you okay?” Doyoung asked, moving forward.

Yuta nibbled on the bottom of his lip, trying to find the words to say, but was unable to. Doyoung understood right away and leaned in for a hug. 

His friend knew what he needed right away, and Yuta was thankful he still had him in his life. Doyoung was someone he didn’t want to be without ever again. 

Doyoung patted his back in the hug, and they stayed like that for a minute or two. 

“Come on. Let’s go inside.” Doyoung said, pulling away first. 

“Is it okay if I bring this?” Yuta asked, pointing to the bag on his shoulder, “If you don’t want me to stay the night here I can put it back in my car and I’ll be able to find someplace else to stay.” 

“No! No, you can stay of course.” Doyoung said, reassuring him with another rub at his arm. 

Yuta nodded, wiping slightly at his eye again. He had teared up without realizing it, the minute Doyoung had enveloped him in a warm hug. 

“Um,” Doyoung paused, stifling an awkward chuckle, “so… I didn’t know you’d be over. But, Taeyong is here right now. We were watching some art film that he suggested in the living room.” 

“Oh,” Yuta smiled, raising an eyebrow, “I see.” 

“Not like _that.”_ Doyoung rolled his eyes. 

Yuta was partially surprised and unsure of how to feel about the pair hanging out. Sure, he hadn’t expected them to be friends, given he had always viewed them as having such different personalities, but it was nice to know they were getting along. At the same time, the idea of them becoming romantic made Yuta feel odd, and he couldn’t place why, so he buried it deep down inside, pushing the thought away. 

“I should probably.. clean my face up a bit then. I don’t want him to think I’m crazy or something.” 

“You don’t look crazy.” Doyoung scolded him, mostly for talking down on himself. 

“But yes, if you want, go ahead and take a shower and I’ll let him know you’re here.” 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


After he showered, Yuta felt slightly better. He changed into baggy clothing, running a towel through his wet hair once. 

Yuta carefully stepped into the living room, walking quietly since he knew there was a film on. Doyoung and Taeyong were settled on the couch, not too far apart but not too close either. 

“Hey. Did you have a nice shower?” Doyoung asked, turning his eyes away from the screen. 

“Yeah. The water pressure here is nice.” 

“Hello, Yuta,” Taeyong said with a smile. 

“Hi.” Yuta chuckled, settling in the chair next to the sofa. 

He stayed and watched the rest of the movie with them, unsure of what was happening on screen but not caring much. The silence was perfectly fine, even though he usually did chat during movies. 

Doyoung and Taeyong argued about the end of the movie, and then Taeyong excused himself to use the bathroom since he’d been waiting until the end of the film to do so. Doyoung had chuckled and reminded the older man that pause buttons _did_ exist.

“Come sit.” Doyoung offered, patting the space where Taeyong had been. Yuta went and stole his spot without another word. 

“So, I’m sure you’re wondering why I showed up here… out of the blue, with a bag and all,” Yuta said, holding his hands together in his lap. 

“Yes, tell me if you want to,” Doyoung said, turning his body more so that Yuta could tell he was fully listening. 

“Well, you always.. had a bit of a feeling about Jaehyun, right?” Yuta grinned, in an attempt to seem less hurt. 

“Did he do something?” Doyoung asked, and Yuta could already see his face turning cold. 

“He—we.. aren’t doing well. And, it’s because he isn’t being completely truthful with me. I wish he would come to me the same way I want to go to him with any problems I have. But when he shuts me out, it makes me pull away too. You know?” Yuta said, lowering his voice. He knew Taeyong might overhear, but it wasn’t as if it mattered that much to him anyway if he did. 

“God. He’s a fool if he doesn’t see how caring you are. You have always been honest and truthful with how you feel towards him, and if he doesn’t return that then he does not deserve you.” Doyoung said, a bitter tone in his voice. 

“There’s.. a lot more too it but. I don’t know if I want to get into it now.” Yuta said. He was still tired from the events of that day and was unsure if he wanted to relive them so soon. 

“Of course, we can talk about it tomorrow if you want—“ 

“I’m making toast!” A voice called suddenly from the kitchen, and Doyoung turned to look in Taeyong’s direction. He sighed. 

“Since when did you guys start hanging out, by the way?” Yuta asked, eager to change the subject. 

“After your wedding. We sat at the same table, remember,” Doyoung rolled his eyes, “and somehow.. it led to us being friends.” 

“That’s good. I’m glad.” 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


Yuta had fallen asleep on the couch, sort of sideways, with his face pressed into what seemed to be a stuffed penguin. 

He smiled, at the memory of Doyoung bringing it out of his bedroom to prove some kind of point to Taeyong that he _did_ still sleep with stuffed animals on his bed and it was perfectly normal. 

Yuta sat up slightly, adjusting to the light coming in from the large living room window. He stretched his arms up and glanced around the room. He was about to get up, to get a glass of water, when he glanced down at the floor and realized Taeyong was asleep on the mat right next to him. 

Both Taeyong and Doyoung had gotten drunk last night, Yuta opting out due to his still upset stomach, but he was certain the other two men would be hungover. 

He swallowed then, pondering deeply on why Taeyong was practically asleep next to him and not in Doyoung’s room. He shook his head, as he knew they were both guests in Doyoung’s home so of course, it was normal for both of them to be asleep in the living room. 

Still, it felt somehow strange to be asleep in the same room as an alpha who was not his husband. Yuta knew it was just the internalized rules he’d been taught and brought up on from a young age, which didn’t reflect his actual character, especially since Taeyong was a perfectly respectable alpha who Yuta knew that he could trust as a friend. 

And nothing more. 

Once Yuta tiptoed out of the living room, he practically chugged a glass of water down, which was much needed. 

He hesitated, glancing at his phone which was plugged into the wall in the kitchen. Yuta felt himself wanting to reach for it, but at the same time being far too anxious to even look at the screen. 

Yuta sighed then, a frown surfacing on his face. 

“Fuck.” He muttered, deciding there was no point in avoiding it.

He unlocked his phone, preparing for the possibility of multiple notifications, but he found it was completely void of anything at all. Yuta felt conflicted since he was the one who had run away, to get space, yet he disliked how Jaehyun hadn’t even checked in or asked if he was doing okay. He realized it was irrational, but that didn’t do much to prevent the thoughts from happening. 

“You got up early.” Yuta looked up, expecting to see Doyoung standing before him, but saw it was Taeyong. 

The alpha rubbed at his eye, shuffling into the kitchen with one of his house slippers nearly falling off his foot as he did. Yuta had to prevent himself from chuckling at the sight. 

“Yeah. I couldn’t sleep any longer with the blinds open.” 

“Really? Me either. I’m sensitive to light when I sleep.” 

“Same here,” Yuta said, giving him a soft chuckle. 

He moved out of the way of the sink so that Taeyong could get some water as well, and sat upon the counter in the process. 

“I also usually sleep with a fan at home,” Taeyong added on, nodding. 

“God, I bet the still air in the living room was torture then.” 

“Eh, I was drunk enough that it didn’t matter.” Taeyong shrugged. 

“True. You were pretty wasted.” Yuta said, grinning widely. 

“I hope I didn’t do anything _too_ stupid.” 

The younger omega took his words as a challenge and Yuta pulled open his photos, showing Taeyong a video of him doing the entire choreography to a _Girl’s Day_ song on the back patio. 

“Why would you show me that? You’re evil.” Taeyong said, squeezing Yuta’s knee. 

Then, amid their laughter and Taeyong trying to pry Yuta’s phone from his hands, Doyoung walked into the kitchen. 

Taeyong moved away from Yuta in an instant like they’d been doing something wrong. 

However, Doyoung didn’t show any kind of reaction, just yawned. 

“You guys were being loud.” 

“Sorry,” Yuta said, in sync with Taeyong’s mumbled apology. The two of them shared a look, both trying not to laugh. 

“Well, anyway. I figured we could go out for breakfast since I, the best cook here, isn’t in any state to prepare food.” 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  
  


The three of them had gone out for a somewhat late breakfast, and Yuta had grumbled something about being in public without makeup on and how it was annoying to him within the first few minutes of the outing. 

It had only progressed when Taeyong proceeded to document the majority of the outing, taking videos and pictures of both of the men whenever he felt there was an artistic opportunity. Yuta, jokingly, threatened to sue if he ever saw any of the pictures on Taeyong’s blog. 

They spent at least half of the day on an outing, where Yuta didn’t purchase much, since he felt less inclined to do personal shopping while in a group. He was more so of an independent shopper unless it was with a close friend or family. 

Taeyong eventually went back home, since he needed to get back to his work and such, and Doyoung and Yuta headed back to the apartment. 

It had been almost three months since Yuta had lived in an apartment, and he had to admit that seeing such a tiny space again was somewhat odd. He found himself nearly jealous of Doyoung’s independence.

“I feel like we haven’t had a chance to chat with just the two of us today. Tell me, what have you been up to?” Yuta asked as he reached for one of the throw pillows to hold over his churning stomach. It had been that way all day. 

“Um,” Doyoung said, pulling his leg up onto the couch as he got into a comfortable position, “I’ve started using dating apps.” 

“Oh my god.” Yuta fakely gasped. 

“Shut up! I knew you’d be all dramatic about it.”

Doyoung handed Yuta the carton of ice cream they were sharing, still holding his own spoon so that they didn’t get confused. 

“No, no, it’s just—I couldn’t have seen this coming.” Yuta giggled.

“I just… felt like putting myself back out there again, I guess.” 

“And that’s good, of course, you should,” Yuta said, a soft grin surfacing on his face. He patted Doyoung’s shoulder. 

“Have you found any matches?” 

“Oh no, not yet anyway. There are lots of people, or, I guess mostly alphas and omegas searching for hookups on there. And then there’s me.” Doyoung sounded so shy talking about it, Yuta pitied his friend. 

“You’ll find someone who’s right. Soon enough. Or maybe, it’ll happen unexpectedly. Think of online dating as like.. when you buy something new for something that went missing. And then you find what went missing. You might find someone in real life too!” 

They both burst out into laughter after a couple of seconds of silence once Yuta had finished with his rambling. 

“I’m right,” Yuta said finally, taking another spoonful of the ice cream he was holding, “I know I am.” 

“But, on to more.. serious note. I do see how hard relationships get, and after my last mess of one, I don’t feel ready for anything too serious at the moment.” 

“Love is a myth,” Yuta said, shrugging.

Doyoung rolled his eyes, pulling out his phone in order to show Yuta his profile. They only looked at it for a few minutes before Doyoung was done with Yuta’s mostly comedic advice. 

They decided on a film for that night, and Doyoung went to get yet another small container of ice cream since the one they had been eating had been half-finished anyways. 

“Are you okay?” Doyoung asked, putting the movie on pause before it could even get to the opening credits. 

“Hm? Yeah, why do you ask?” Yuta said, stashing his phone away from where he had been checking around for missed calls. 

“You look pretty zoned out.” 

“I’m a bit tired, I guess.” Yuta shrugged. He wanted to simply go back to ignoring his problems, but he knew it wasn’t that easy, sadly.

“Do you wanna.. talk about everything that happened?” Doyoung offered. 

Yuta sighed, setting his spoon down on the end table next to him. 

“You mean with Jaehyun?” Yuta said, hand reaching for the back of his own neck. 

Doyoung nodded quietly. 

“It’s a lot. I’ll sound insane if I unpack it all.” 

“I’m listening.” 

“Honestly, the reason everything kicked off this time around was his family. And mine too I guess...but, the Jungs are something else. I honestly feel bad that Jungwoo was pulled into the equation now by them.” 

“I’m sorry. _Jungwoo_ is back in the picture? I thought he was old news.” 

Yuta pursed his lips, picturing the redhead again, the shocked look on his face and the way he’d seemed frozen, Jaehyun’s mother with her ever-loving tight grip on his arm. 

“Jaehyun’s family brought him to my sister’s welcome home party. Because I guess they couldn’t handle not being the center of the attention or something.” Yuta said, in an attempt to make a joke about it. 

“Why would they bring him?” Doyoung said, his brows creased. 

“Because. She wanted to drop the news of how Jaehyun is going off to Oxford with him.” 

“What the fuck!” Doyoung said, a hand covering his mouth directly after. Yuta was certain the beta nearly flew off the couch at the news. 

“I know. That was my reaction at first too.” 

Yuta bit his lip, watching Doyoung’s eyes become filled with fury. It felt comforting to know his friend cared, and was there for him enough to feel passionate about it. 

“But you—you married him. Like. You just got hitched and everything..”

“Not like it matters to them, I suppose. But I wanted it to matter to Jaehyun, you know? He made several promises to me, up there on that altar. And just broke half of them, like that.. for what? His dysfunctional family?” 

It felt like somewhat of a knife to his heart, deep, deep down. He didn’t want their approval, but he knew how deeply their clutches were with Jaehyun, and Yuta had trouble imagining a world where he didn’t simply comply with whatever his parents planned out and wanted for him. 

“They are _all_ so selfish. What do they even want from Jungwoo anyway? It’s not like Jaehyun needs a roommate either. They’re bloody rich.” 

“The only explanation is they did it to hurt our marriage. Which makes me think they want an easier way out of the stupid deal. If Jaehyun cheats—if… he was unfaithful, and I divorced him, the deal would be broken.” Yuta said, his voice breaking halfway through. He hadn’t realized the graveness of his words, but clearly, it had shown on his face, as Doyoung reached forward to grab his hand. 

“He won’t. And if he does, I swear. I will _end_ him myself.” 

“I mean, an omega and alpha being roommates? What kind of recipe for disaster is that.” Yuta kept his eyes down, unable to even try to stay serious about it anymore. It hurt far too much for him to do so. 

“You are mated to him now. It’s different.” 

Yuta didn’t reply. 

“So, anyway. That’s why I came here. We got into a huge argument after I found out and he hadn’t even tried to tell me about it. It just makes me feel like he isn't fighting for us at all when he does that? You know, because, if he were to tell me and talk about it with me, I could go with him and help him stand up to his parents. But he just doesn’t—he doesn’t come to me—“ 

Once again, Yuta found himself with tears in his eyes. It was the stress, it had to be, but he couldn’t figure out what was making him have such strong emotional reactions as he tried to speak about it to his friend. 

After Doyoung comforted him again, with another hug, Yuta collected himself with a deep breath. 

“Yuta. I know this won’t be what you want to hear but, I think you should talk to him again, to figure out the full picture. It doesn’t even have to be tonight. But you should see him and talk it out again now that you’ve had time to cool off.” 

“That’s not even the worst part though, Doyoung.” 

Yuta reached down for his stomach, as he felt acid rising in his throat. 

“God, I think I’m sick.” Yuta had assumed his nausea and throwing up would have passed by now, as he’d believed it was something that would pass over time, but he had been wrong. 

He got up then, rushing to the bathroom again. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Yuta had taken Doyoung’s advice, although he had altered it a bit. Instead of meeting Jaehyun at home, he was planning on calling him in the morning and asking him to meet him by a park, for a walk. 

Doyoung had become quite worried about Yuta’s sickness, telling him he should rest instead of going outside, where the weather was changing significantly, as it had become cold earlier than it should be, especially since it wasn’t quite fall yet. 

“I’ll go to the doctors later too.” 

“Will you? Or are you telling me that because you know I’ll worry.” Doyoung said, a bit scoldingly. 

“I will. It’s been three days of this now.” Yuta said, clearing his throat slightly. He kept telling himself it was most likely some kind of bug he’d caught, and not anything more serious. He wouldn’t even consider that as a possibility right now. 

But what kind of bug caused him to throw up from nearly anything he ate, unable to keep even simple, plain foods down? 

Doyoung prepared him some sort of healthy soup and Yuta picked at it over breakfast. The scent of smell and taste of food had become so overwhelming that it made it hard to enjoy anything. Yuta chose to finish the rest of his coffee instead. 

“Do you even know when they’d be leaving for this college thing?” Doyoung asked all of a sudden, snapping Yuta out of his silent daze. 

“No. I plan on asking that.” 

“And… do you think you’d ever speak to Jungwoo one on one?” 

“Why would I? I doubt we have much to say to each other.” Yuta shrugged. The omega had made no move to come to him first when he was the one married to Jaehyun, so Yuta saw no interest in going to him. He knew it would only make him look territorial; which he _was_ , but admitting that was rather gross. 

“You’d probably scare the hell out of him anyway.” Doyoung shook his head. 

“Please. I’m not mean.” Yuta snickered. 

“No, not mean. Intimidating.” 

“Sure,” Yuta took one last sip of coffee before he stood up from the stool, “I guess I’ll call him now.” 

“Good luck.” Doyoung murmured, gathering the dishes he’d gotten out in the kitchen as Yuta headed towards the back door. 

Yuta stepped out onto the patio and pulled out his phone. With slightly shaky fingers, he pressed on Jaehyun’s contact and hit call. The phone picked up within the first few rings. 

“Hello?” Jaehyun answered instantly on the other end, his voice sounded rather gruff. Yuta wondered if he’d just now woken up. 

“Jaehyun,” Yuta muttered back without thinking. He hoped he didn’t sound too shy. 

“Did something happen? Are you alright?” 

“I’m… I’m, yeah. Still at Doyoung’s place.” 

“Oh.” 

“You haven’t called or anything,” Yuta said. There was still silence after he did. 

“I was giving you the space you wanted. I didn’t think you wanted me to call and beg you to come back, because you need that space to breathe right now.” Jaehyun said, in a more collected voice than Yuta himself could manage. 

“I wouldn’t have minded a text or two,” Yuta said, swallowing. He regretted it right after. 

Jaehyun, in his eyes, was so apathetic amid such a huge disagreement that it made Yuta selfishly wonder if he was better suited for a man who would fight for him, tooth and nail. Yuta realized a long silence had passed as he’d dove back into his thoughts again. 

“But anyway, I just called to ask if you wanted to meet somewhere today. To talk.” Yuta felt embarrassed to ask. 

“Yes. I’d like nothing more.” Jaehyun spoke quickly. Yuta swore he could hear the sound of laughter in the background, but he quickly realized it was the sound of a television playing. 

“Do you want me to come to pick you up?” 

“No, no. Let’s just meet at the park that’s by Doyoung’s apartment. I can just send the address to you.” 

“What time?” Jaehyun asked. 

“Around 11.” 

“See you then.” 

“Right,” Yuta said, quickly hanging up before any more words could be said. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Yuta glanced down at the leaves that had already started to fall on the ground as he walked along the sidewalk, pulling his large jean jacket closer to himself. He had even put a hoodie on as an extra layer under the coat since the air had become extremely cold for a day in August. It was obvious that fall had come early this year. 

He thought about being alone when it started to get even colder, about staring plainly out the window at the snow falling, all isolated and by himself. 

Yuta waited by a tree in the park, kicking some of the fallen leaves around as he did. People passed him, sending him a couple of confused looks. Yuta was unsure what about him gave off the vibe that he was waiting for someone, but their faces seemed to be pitying him. And he despised that. 

The sound of a car pulling up distracted Yuta from his thoughts, and he looked up, watching Jaehyun step out of a taxi. Yuta found himself wondering why he didn’t just take a car, but he figured Jaehyun didn’t want to worry about finding a place to park downtown. Yuta wanted to chuckle at the way it was clear he’d left in a rush, but he didn’t have it in him. 

Jaehyun’s hair wasn’t done, but he wore a black trenchcoat, and his face made up for the lack of preparedness. He still looked picture ready. 

“Yuta,” Jaehyun breathed out as he got closer, “did I keep you waiting long?” 

“No.” Yuta lied quickly, even though he’d been outside for at least 20 minutes now. 

Jaehyun took a few steps closer, but he didn’t make any moves to touch Yuta. He did, however, roam his eyes all over the smaller man’s form. Yuta felt like he was reading him, per usual with those eyes of his. 

“Let’s walk,” Yuta said, nodding his head towards the path in the middle of the park. 

“It’s not too crowded,” Jaehyun said, referring to the lack of people around them. 

“Yeah. It is a weekday, so.” 

They walked in silence until they were clearly out of earshot from anyone else. Yuta kept his hands in his pockets, unable to stop himself from glancing down at Jaehyun’s empty hands every few minutes or so. 

“What day are you leaving?” Yuta asked then, “for Oxford.” 

He couldn’t deny the lump in his throat as he asked, reminding himself not to bite the inside of his cheek as he focused on the ground. 

“By Friday.” 

“Mm. Soon.” Yuta murmured back. 

He had suspected it would be sooner rather than later, based on how Yuta had now been able to put a reason to Jaehyun’s changing behavior over the past few weeks, it was clear to him that something had been off for a while now. 

They came upon a bridge, and Yuta walked right to the edge of it. Jaehyun slowly followed behind him. 

“I didn’t—I didn’t know it would be that quickly either, honestly. I thought I had more time.” 

“Tell me then, Jaehyun. How long did you know this plan was in the works for you? Was it before or after the wedding?” Yuta asked, voice trembling as he did. 

“Before,” Jaehyun hung his head down, “I—I knew it was something they had planned but I didn’t know if they’d follow through with it. First, it depended on if I got the scholarship or not. Which I did.” 

“I see. And this wasn’t something you felt like telling me, why?”

“Because. It sounded so crazy at the time—and then, when they dragged Jungwoo into it I just knew.. I knew how you felt about him. I couldn’t find the right time to bring it up to you.” 

Yuta closed his eyes for a moment and looked away from the taller man. The way he had phrased it, he almost made it sound like Yuta’s jealousy had prevented him from being honest, rather than simply just taking responsibility for it. 

He wanted to call him out on it, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. 

“Yuta. I’m sorry. I fucked up by not telling you.” Jaehyun took a few steps toward him, and now they were face to face, rather than several feet apart. 

Even hearing those words didn’t make Yuta feel any better. 

Jaehyun almost spoke, but the words seemed to get caught in his throat. 

“I thought I was protecting you by keeping it from you. But my parents.. my mother.. she..” 

“Jaehyun. You have to admit that you’re a part of this too. I _know_ you. I know that if you truly didn’t want this, you wouldn’t let it happen. Just tell me, tell me if going to Oxford is what you want to do. Forget about protecting me, or any of that, and just tell me what you want.” Yuta whispered. Part of him was angry at himself for begging Jaehyun to open up to him again, just like he had many months before. 

“I—yes. I know that if I want to pursue my career as a doctor, going to this school is what I need to do. And.. throwing away this scholarship would be.. it would make me feel terrible. I can’t promise that I wouldn’t regret it.” Jaehyun couldn’t look into Yuta’s eyes as he spoke. 

“There. Then that’s all you needed to tell me.” Yuta bit his trembling lower lip, and held it between his teeth, trying to hold part of himself together. 

“I’ll miss you,” Yuta choked out, once he finished taking in a deep breath, “but I think that, when you go, perhaps time apart would be better for us.” 

“What are you saying?” Jaehyun asked with guilt and worry spread across his face. Yuta could read uncertainty too, under his slightly red eyes. Yuta wondered if it was from drinking or crying. 

“I’m only saying that with a break, you might, or even both of us might be able to figure out what we ultimately want. Which might not be together.” Yuta tried to hide how his voice was shaking but failed. 

“Yuta, why—“ 

“Look, I’m just trying to make the best of this situation. You’re leaving me now, and I can’t see myself waiting patiently by myself in that big house. You know I can’t handle that.” Yuta said. 

“I know I let you down, but we can make it work—“

“You were never sure with me anyways, Jaehyun! We already can’t communicate with each other, and now we’ll be long distance? I don’t know how we can possibly work like that.” Yuta said, tears brimming against his eyelashes. He looked away, glancing at the empty creek below the bridge instead of Jaehyun’s pained expression in front of him. 

“Yuta, please, don’t say that.” Jaehyun pleaded. 

“We both know it And now that you’re leaving, it only proves that.” 

“Don’t say that,” Jaehyun repeated his words, grabbing for one of Yuta’s hands as he did, and freeing it from his coat pocket. 

“Please, don’t give up before we even have a chance to try.” 

“When have you put any effort in to see me as anything other than an obligation?” Yuta regretted saying it as soon as he had, as he watched the hurt across Jaehyun’s face at his words.

“Yuta, no. That’s not true. You have never been an obligation to me. What we had—what we _have_ is real.” Jaehyun said. Yuta could see how he was nearly shaking, a bit around his shoulders, and at his jaw. 

Perhaps it was true that Jaehyun wasn’t as careless as he was painting him out to be in his mind, especially if he was trying to fight for them now, but Yuta couldn’t tell if that mattered. If anything mattered now. 

“How can we—how can we claim it’s real when we were set up to be together since birth? We didn’t choose to be married this young, almost every aspect of what we have is due to meddling from our parents.” Yuta stated the obvious, fighting how his gut was telling him to stop this conversation here, as it grew more and more unbearable. He knew the words would only upset Jaehyun more, and perhaps that was one of the reasons he said them. 

“Because of what we both feel, Yuta. Neither of us made that up.” Jaehyun took one step forward, and Yuta took another backward. 

Yuta was so used to letting go of someone before they could let go of him. It was a defense mechanism, and he didn’t know how else to deal with the pain and heartache he felt with Jaehyun leaving him now. He wanted to push him away first, even though Jaehyun was the one who was moving to another country. 

“Okay,” Yuta muttered, dropping it. He wasn’t done talking about it, nor suggesting that they take a break, but it was cold out, and he didn’t want to discuss it anymore.

He moved forward, shocking the younger man as he leaned in for a brief and short hug. Jaehyun clutched his waist, while Yuta wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Yuta took one minute to capture his scent in his mind, hoping to keep it there forever. He could feel Jaehyun doing the same against his neck, but he was certain they weren’t thinking the same thing. 

Yuta planned on it being their last hug before Jaehyun left. But he wouldn’t tell him that. 

“I’ve got to go.” Yuta sniffled, checking the time on his phone. 

“We only just started talking things over.“ Jaehyun tried, but it was too late. Yuta didn’t have any more time for his words. He needed the space and air to process what he had just heard from him. 

“I’ve heard what I needed to hear from you. Anything else, we can talk about later.” 

Yuta’s tears overflowed as he pushed past the younger man, walking back out of the park. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  


Doyoung was the one who drove him to the doctor’s office. He had rushed back to the apartment, certain he’d be late, and as a result, he’d thrown up again, this time in a bush. 

Yuta kept his eyes focused on the road as Doyoung drove, his mind filled with Jaehyun’s confession of how Oxford was a part of his career path, and he would regret it if he didn’t go. Yuta tried not to focus on how it felt like Jaehyun had made a clear choice, in Yuta’s eyes, he had chosen his career over their marriage. 

At the same time, he would not blame the man. They had not chosen to be wed to each other, and of course, they both had ambitions, separate ones, outside of their marriage. But there was nothing normal about their bond or the lack of trust between them; and Yuta knew that would be their downfall. It would completely be a different story if Jaehyun had expressed his desire to go to Oxford to him, then Yuta would of course have been willing to think about following him there. But that part of him, that kind of loyalty was only going to come from him if it was returned. And Yuta knew that right now, it wasn’t. Not with how distant and emotionally detached Jaehyun was. 

He also thought about all the moments he’d almost admitted to being in love with Jaehyun, and was grateful he hadn’t. Yuta was happy he’d kept at least that a secret. Now that it was clear they weren’t united in marriage but separated in it, Yuta didn’t feel any obligation to do so. Yet still, he was curious if it had been obvious that he was in love with the alpha. Or, if it would remain unknown to him. 

“Thanks for driving me here,” Yuta spoke, barely above a whisper. 

Doyoung hadn’t asked many questions when Yuta had returned from the park with bleary eyes and a parched throat, he’d just gotten him water and escorted him down to the car. Doyoung was real and genuine. Yuta couldn’t believe there had been a time where he’d considered ending their friendship forever. 

Now, when he was at the crossroads of a very different relationship, Doyoung was the one who had his back this time. 

“No problem. I can tell you aren’t feeling well, I've never seen you like this before. Even when you had the flu.” 

Doyoung’s words made Yuta’s heart skip a beat, as he thought about how different he truly felt. It wasn’t necessarily like his stomach felt ill, but it was hard to describe, he didn’t feel ill all over either, it just seemed like he couldn’t keep certain foods down or had a lack of appetite entirely. 

“I’m scared to go in,” Yuta confessed. 

“Why?” 

“It could just be a stomach bug. But.. what if it’s something else?” Yuta whispered, his voice breaking off at the end. 

“Yuta,” Doyoung said, a concerned tone in his voice, “do you think that you might be… with child?” 

Doyoung had finally said it, what Yuta had been forcing himself to ignore and deny for the past week or so. 

He took in a deep breath. Yuta thought back to his mother’s urgency that he was at his main peak now, and needed to conceive, and also thought about his sister’s infertility, and how it had perhaps given him a false sense of security, thinking he’d be the same way. 

“God. Oh god, Doyoung. It’s.. this is the worst possible time too and I just—“ Yuta muttered, unable to finish. 

What made everything _worse_ was that Yuta knew, deep down, that he should be overjoyed at the idea of being with child. But he was not, he could only focus on the overwhelming fear at the possibility of such a huge responsibility. It weighed down on him like nothing he’d ever felt before. 

“It’ll be okay, Yuta, you’ll make it through this,” Doyoung said right away, rubbing a gentle hand against Yuta’s shoulder. 

“I don’t know how I will.” 

  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Two weeks had passed without any ease at all. 

Now, that afternoon where Yuta had cried in Doyoung’s car before entering the doctor’s office and getting the news he’d known already handed back to him, felt like such a long time ago, but he figured that was the effect of stress on his brain. 

Yuta had tried to hide in denial before, but once he was faced with the realization right in front of him, Yuta had known he was carrying all along. His doctor had been kind enough to admit that suppressants didn’t always guarantee to stunt fertile omega’s once they came off them right away.

He was already 2 weeks, according to his doctor at the time when he’d found out, which meant Yuta had been pregnant before his heat had even hit. It was common for some omegas to have one last heat before entering their 1st trimester. 

With the news, Yuta had isolated himself. He had stayed at Doyoung’s place for the rest of the week, who was more than welcoming to him, and shut everyone else out.

Including Jaehyun. 

He had returned to their home only after Jaehyun had left. Yuta was unable to even sleep in their previously shared bed, and instead, he took to sleeping in one of the guest room beds. 

Yuta had not let Jaehyun know the news before he left. As of now, Doyoung was the only one who knew of his condition. 

It was too convenient. To already have his marriage falling to pieces, and then to find out he was carrying a child. 

He was no fool, and he knew exactly how it would seem if he’d told Jaehyun. Yuta was horrified of being accused of trapping him or trying to prevent him from going after his dreams at a big college because he’d gotten knocked up. Yuta knew where the blame would be placed. 

Deep down, he felt like it was his fault Jaehyun left, partially. He had pushed him away in the end, and he knew that if he had asked Jaehyun to stay, he would’ve. It didn’t feel like anything had been resolved between them with the way they’d left everything. 

Yuta wondered how they had both become so detached from their own relationship, or, what was left of it. 

He was left with questions—like _was I the one who willed our love to die?_

Yuta spent his days almost in agony, as he coped with everything that had happened and mostly, tried to think about where the future would lead him now. 

However, it seemed like too long had passed since Yuta had shown himself in the outside world when Doyoung made a surprise visit. 

The beta found Yuta on the couch, with the television on, and a nest of blankets around him. 

“You’re looking a bit better today,” Doyoung said after he’d sat and watched tv with him for a few minutes. 

“Thanks,” Yuta stretched his arms up, out of his blanket, “I went for a walk this morning. I’m getting in the habit of that.” 

“I see, that’s good.” Doyoung nodded. Yuta could tell he was holding something back. 

“Do you feel scared at all, to be here by yourself? It’s such a big house.”

“I mean, more lonely than scared I think. This place has a pretty good alarm system. It’s still a bit weird being alone in a big house at night though.” Yuta replied. 

“You know you can come to my place anytime.” 

“Thank you, Doyoung,” Yuta said, genuinely. 

Doyoung had been a giant help through the entire ordeal he was going through, and he couldn’t imagine dealing with it with anyone but his best friend by his side. 

“And another question, cause I can’t resist,” Doyoung chuckled, and Yuta smiled at that, “has he called at all?” 

“He left a few messages on my phone telling me he was leaving, and that he’d miss me, but he’s only called once in the past week, and it was pretty awkward. He’s busy with introductory courses and moving in and stuff.” Yuta said, and even he could tell his voice had gone flat. He was quite surprised they’d even stayed on talking terms after what had happened in the park. But it was nowhere near how much they used to talk each day, and now it seemed like Yuta’s suggestion for a break had become reality.

Doyoung already knew Yuta wasn’t in the mood to discuss when he would break the big news to Jaehyun, or even _if_ he would at all, and Yuta could tell he was holding that big question back. 

So, Yuta switched the topic. 

“I feel like I should break the news to my mom. But I’m afraid telling her would make it feel more.. real you know?” 

“Well, Yuta, it’s a bit late for that.” 

They both laughed, and Yuta shook his head, knowing the younger man was right. 

“Right. My bad. But, I also worry about her rushing to tell Jaehyun’s mother. I don’t think she’ll be happy at all. Both of his parents disliked the idea of a child ‘holding,’ their son down.” 

“I think.. the more you avoid talking with your mother though, the more it will weigh you down. Screw what Jaehyun or his parents think, it will affect you the most.” Doyoung offered. 

“You’re right. I should go. Probably today or tomorrow.” Yuta nodded then, folding his hands over his stomach, which was covered by his heavy blanket. 

“Anyways, get any matches with your online dating yet?” Yuta asked, earning a sly grin from the beta. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


It was evening when Doyoung finally headed back out. He encouraged Yuta to call him if he needed anything, to which Yuta had thanked his friend deeply. He was truly grateful that he wasn’t entirely alone with his struggles. 

After a somewhat good day, Yuta had decided to get it together and head over to see his mother. It felt like the right thing to do at this point, even though he knew that admitting it would kill him inside. 

He was greeted at the door by the family maid, and he nodded at her, keeping his coat rather than removing it. 

“What room is my mother in?” Yuta asked quickly. 

“Upstairs. In the study.” She answered in a soft tone. 

Yuta felt, as expected, nauseous. It came often with anxiety-inducing situations even before the pregnancy, and now it was much worse. 

“Mother?” Yuta called out once he was upstairs, knocking on the door once. He knew how she hated people entering without announcing themselves. She had always found it extremely rude, even when he’d done it as a young child. 

Upon hearing her approval, he entered the study. There was only one chair left in the corner of the room, and Yuta stood, waiting for her to speak before he attempted to sit in it. 

“Hello, Yuta. I didn’t expect you to visit.” She said, swiveling around in her chair. Yuta figured she’d been working on her computer. 

“I wasn’t planning on it earlier, I just decided that now was the right time.” 

“Sit, please.” She said, gesturing to the chair. 

Yuta settled down, crossing his legs and pulling his coat closer around his form. 

Her hair was down, and she wasn’t wearing any pearls or gold jewelry, to Yuta’s surprise. 

“I suppose you have more free time now.” She muttered coldly. Yuta didn’t quite like the way her tone seemed to insinuate that it was his fault Jaehyun had gone off and left him with so much free time. 

“Well, that’s true. But I came here because I have to tell you something important.” 

She didn’t smile in his direction when she looked at him, and it made Yuta reconsider his decision to tell her. But then, he recalled their conversation months ago now, which had revolved around her desire for him to bring an heir to their family; to not allow their family line to die out. 

“My dear. You don’t come to me for just anything. This must be serious.” She said, removing her glasses and settling them down on the desk in front of her. 

“It is. And it’s something that… involves our family. And the Jungs too in some way, if they ever find out, but for the most part, a lot of it is just... involving two people. Two people who made a.. big mistake. So I don’t want all the blame to go to me.” Yuta felt his shoulders heave as he spoke, gathering the courage to do so. 

“Mother. I am… I am—I’m with child.” Yuta spat out before he could decide to go back on it. 

“Oh my—!” His mother gasped then, standing up from her chair. She approached him, pulling him out of his seat. She grasped both of his hands. Yuta was unable to look into her eyes. 

“Do you know what this means? You’ve, you have saved us. With a child—My god, why didn’t you tell me sooner?” She exclaimed. Yuta was unable to process just how joyful and practically ecstatic his mother’s voice was since he hadn’t heard her so overjoyed at something in years. He hated how much this had pleased her. 

“It must have been terrifying to discover all by yourself.” She briefly squeezed his hands, and the near-affection was even more confusing for him. Was this all he had to do to fix his relationship with his mother? Fall pregnant in a marriage that was already hanging by a thread? 

“I had my friend, Doyoung. I wasn’t all alone.” Yuta said, pushing away her pity. He didn’t want it or need it. 

“Does Jaehyun know? This is much worse with him being gone. I am furious at the Jung’s for what they’ve done. And at him. But.. they can’t go anywhere now. Not if you are with his child.” She let go of Yuta’s hands finally, and he was glad to be out of her grasp. 

“He doesn’t know,” Yuta shook his head, “nor do the Jungs.” 

“Well, they should know soon—“ 

Yuta had already prepared himself for how his mother would view this child as some kind of tool, and her react had proved his suspicion. 

“No. I’ll be the one to tell them. At least, his parents. I’m the one carrying, it’s my choice to tell them.” Yuta spoke quickly, not allowing her to finish. 

“How many weeks along are you?” She asked suddenly, Yuta could tell she was eager to know based on her tone. 

“Almost five.” He answered, his excitement was negative compared to hers. He had no joy in his tone when he spoke of it. 

“My, my. I couldn’t have predicted this would happen so soon. You seemed to be so against the idea that I thought you would take much convincing.” 

Yuta didn’t have the heart or strength to tell her it was much more complicated than that. But there was no point in getting into those details with her. Plus, he knew it had to be somewhat obvious that he hadn’t planned for it to go this way. 

“Yuta, are you unhappy with your union? I thought you might follow Jaehyun to Oxford with the way things seemed to be going between the two of you.” She asked, a curious tone in her voice. 

If even his mother, who lived in constant denial, could see Yuta’s unhappiness, he knew it had to be apparent as ever on his face. 

“It’s not going the way I thought it would at all. There isn’t any compromise with us. I can’t break this news on him now either. I’m so terrified of what he might think of me, or say—or feel toward me when I do.” 

“And a child shouldn’t be used to patch up a damaged marriage.” He added on before his mother could offer that as advice. He knew very well what her views on childbirth and marriage were. 

“Please, don’t start with that dear. You have always believed that’s why your father and I had you. Don’t think that’s what you are doing now, it’s a different situation.” She snapped. Yuta wasn’t surprised she had picked up on his subtle hinting at the topic. 

“All the signs point to it. Hikaru even said you were fighting every day up until you were pregnant, and then you went back to fighting when I turned out to be an omega, in need of a _partner_.” Yuta snapped, taking a couple of steps back. He was unsure why they were standing so close in the first place. 

“Whatever you want to think, having a child is still better than separating. If you are to go down that path.. things will become very difficult. For both you and your child. And as you have seen… the Jung’s have already found a replacement for you.” She hissed, her jaw clenching slightly as she finished her sentence. 

“So then, what am I supposed to do? When I don’t even know what Jaehyun wants from me?” 

“Firstly, we need to see how the Jung’s will react. I’ll call them over the first thing—“ 

“Mother. What will that help?” Yuta sighed deeply at her suggestion. 

“If they’re entirely opposed to it, that doesn’t matter now. Their son is a part of this as well. Regardless of your marriage now, they are tied to our family. I suppose that’s what they’ll hate the most.” 

“But, at the end of the day, it’s what I decide that matters. They don’t have a say in any of this. And you don’t either.” 

“Yuta—“ 

“No. That’s enough.” Yuta sighed, shaking his head. 

“Stay here tonight, at least. You shouldn’t have been alone in that big house in the first place. It’s dangerous.” 

“Why does everyone think that? I’m not weak, I’m just by myself. It’s not like I’m on bed rest or anything either.” Yuta rolled his eyes at her comment. 

“Your old room is still the same. And I can have the maid bring up leftovers.” She said as if she had already finalized it. 

Yuta decided that if only for one night, it would be fine. He wasn’t in the mood to get back on the road again anyway. 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


The first thing Yuta had done before he’d even gone to his old room was showered and changed into some old clothing that he had found in his drawers. The waistband of the pajama pants was a bit tight, but the large shirt still fit over his form well enough. 

Yuta was ringing his hair out with a towel when he walked into his old room. Of course, any character or personality he’d added to it had been removed, and the room was plain and sterile, but the old bed was still there, as well as his old dresser and a couple of assorted magazines and books on top of it. 

There was a tray of food on the end table beside the bed and he sighed, settling down onto the mattress. It appeared to be some kind of soup and a chunk of bread. Yuta was _tired_ of eating soup. 

He laid backside down on the bed, checking his phone. Yuta sat right back up when he saw a missed call from Jaehyun. 

Yuta scrambled, panicking deep down inside as he debated whether or not to call him back. On impulse, he hit the call button. The second the ringing sound started, Yuta fought the urge to toss his phone down against the bed. 

“Hey.” Yuta breathed out when Jaehyun finally answered after a couple more rings. 

“Hello, Yuta,” Jaehyun replied, his voice low and soft. It melted right into Yuta’s ear, and he placed a hand over his stomach, feeling it churn. Yuta was puzzled by this. 

“It’s been a few days since I’ve heard from you,” Yuta said, swallowing deeply. 

“I know. Sorry about that. It’s been hectic here.”

“I’m sure.” Yuta nodded, even though he knew Jaehyun couldn’t see it. 

“Did you—um, is there a reason you called?” Yuta asked, unable to hold back anymore. 

“I just, I was thinking about you. That’s all.” Jaehyun muttered, sounding a bit muffled on the other end. Yuta was certain it was due to the bad reception. 

“Oh,” Yuta replied, oddly feeling dejected. He wasn’t sure what he’d wanted the other man to reply with, but that hadn’t been it. 

“Is it late there?”

“No, earlier,” Jaehyun answered. 

“Do you have a nice place?” Yuta asked, staring down at his feet. 

“Somewhat. I could send you a postcard of it.” Jaehyun said, clearly trying to lighten the mood. 

“Sure. Send me your address first.” Yuta said, going along with it based on habit. It was hard to just stay cold and stiff with a man that he knew so well. 

“Have you… eaten dinner?” Jaehyun asked, sounding awkward and unsure. 

“No. I’m about to though,” Yuta said, barely above a whisper. 

He wanted to speak, to ask if Jaehyun missed him the same way he did deep down, but then he remembered the way he’d felt leaving him on the bridge, and the way Jaehyun hadn’t bothered to drop by Doyoung’s place before he had left for the airport. Yuta decided that until the effort was returned, he wasn’t going to give in to being the one to be attached while Jaehyun kept himself reserved. 

“Oh, alright. I’ll let you go then.” Jaehyun said. Yuta couldn’t detect any tone in his voice; it was just neutral. 

“All right. Talk to you later, Jaehyun.” 

“Okay. Take care.” 

With that, Jaehyun hung up, leaving Yuta stranded in silence and loneliness again. 

There was still an unbridled spark when they spoke to each other, especially when Yuta looked past the awkward tension there. He knew he wasn’t just imagining things. But it only scrambled his thoughts further. 

It came to Yuta then, suddenly, like a tidal wave hitting, that this was the room they’d first met each other in. Yuta had caught the at the time, schoolboy Jaehyun, sneaking around strangely in his room, and threatened to have him kicked out of the party. 

Yuta fell asleep that night with his heart heavy, and his arms curled around a pillow, to try to reach for some kind of comfort. 

  
  
  


-

  
  


The next morning, Yuta had a rude awakening from his mother, drawing the blinds open. 

“I barely slept!” Yuta groaned, rolling back over and away from the light coming into the room. 

“I told you that I’d be inviting the Jungs over first thing, and I meant it.” 

“You’re a villain,” Yuta grumbled. 

“I’m not. I even brought my stylist here for you, if you are interested.” 

“Not the damn stylist—“ 

“ _Language,_ Yuta.” She warned. 

“Mother, I’m an adult.” He snapped back. 

“I know. Your actions have proven that.” 

They continued to bicker back and forth before Yuta was eventually coaxed out of bed, at the offering of coffee, and decided to get ready. 

He wouldn’t take any of the advice from his mother’s stylist, however, and kept his appearance clean and simple. Yuta didn’t at all want to come off as eccentric right now. 

He pulled his hair away from his face and wore a simple t-shirt with a flannel thrown over it and jeans. There was nothing about his look that he believed made him look anything but normal. However, what was happening inside his mind and body clearly said otherwise. 

Yuta could hear his heart beating as he made his way towards the living room, where he had been told by the maid that both his mother and Jaehyun’s mother were waiting on him. He figured out then that Jaehyun’s father had been too busy to come along. Perhaps that was a good thing. 

The air in the room was still and cold, and he could see the distance between the two women, both on separate couches. It was strange how quickly they’d both dropped the friendly facades they had carried with each other before. 

Anger stirred and pulled in his chest as he saw Jaehyun’s mother flick her eyes over his appearance. He could see Jaehyun’s shared features in her face, and seeing his mother without him there only reminded Yuta of the fact that he was gone. 

Yuta sat down on the couch across from her, reaching for a throw pillow and holding it over himself. He didn’t like the way she was scanning over his form with her beady and dark eyes. It made him panic slightly, as he wondered if his mother had already told her, or if it was just that obvious. 

“Have you already moved back in with your family? Jaehyun hasn’t even been gone for a month yet.” She asked, her pearly white teeth flashing a fake grin. It had only taken her about a second to turn that on. 

“No. I just stayed for the night. It’s boring to be in a house that’s meant for a family, by myself.” Yuta added, a subtle dig at her son. 

“I don’t know, I could think of worse fates.” She pursed her lips, then went right back to her false smile. 

“Hm. So could I.” Yuta replied, seeing his mother’s head turn towards him out of the corner of his eye. 

A minute or two of silence passed them, and then Jaehyun’s mother grew impatient. 

“So, why was I called here?” 

“In case you forgot, after the stunt, you pulled at my daughter’s welcoming home party, you are my son’s mother in law. Our children are married.” His mother spoke suddenly, and her tone shocked Yuta the slightest bit. 

“I haven’t forgotten,” she scoffed, “what gave you that impression?” 

“You split them apart. Last I checked, that wasn’t a part of the deal. But nevermind that now, Yuta has something to announce.” 

Yuta could see the look of fury in her eyes, as she turned to look at him again. 

He played with the wedding band on his ring finger, rotating it. He wondered why he had kept it on, figuring it would’ve been much more powerful to have removed it. 

“Well, speak then.” She ordered, and she may as well have snapped her fingers at him in the process. 

“Don’t talk that way—“ 

“I’ll speak however I want since the pair of you are behaving so rudely—“ 

“Stop. Both of you.” Yuta raised his voice. 

“I’m having your son’s child. Firstborn. Heir, however, you want to put it.” Yuta said simply, brushing a piece of hair from his face as he spoke as if he’d just admitted something that wasn’t out of the ordinary at all. 

“You—You’re— _what_?” 

“You heard me,” Yuta replied, keeping his chin high. It was extremely hard to keep his cool and attempt to look strong when all he felt like doing was running away from the situation. 

“No, that’s not possible. You have to be lying, surely.” 

Yuta didn’t take kindly to be accused of being a liar right off the bat, and it made him see red. 

“Don’t make me spell it out for you. It was certainly a team effort.” Yuta muttered, which gathered a gasp from both of the women. He rolled his eyes at their prudeness. 

“That is vulgar and disgusting. How dare you say that in front of me?” She hissed out, clutching her hands tightly in her lap. 

“I’m just saying. I didn’t orchestrate this or plan it out. Don’t call me a liar.” 

“While I agree, my son, it was still a mistake. But,” His mother turned back to look at the fuming woman across from them, “he is not lying.” 

“You’re _certain_ that it’s his?” Jaehyun’s mother asked, licking her lips slyly. 

Yuta fought the urge to hiss, anger working it’s way up through his body. Why she even felt the need to take another dig at him when he was already down, Yuta had no clue. He figured he must‘ve gotten under her skin, over time. With the way, he used to have Jaehyun practically whipped for him. He stifled a petty laugh at his thoughts. 

But then, he wondered how Jaehyun would react if he was at his side. 

“Don’t you dare accuse him of being unfaithful.” His mother, again to Yuta’s surprise, spoke up. It was probably for the best, preventing Yuta from saying anything that he would regret or be embarrassed about later. 

“Then, then—we must fix this.” Jaehyun’s mother said. Yuta could practically see her trying not to tremble with rage. 

“Fix it? Certainly, you don’t mean what I think you mean..” 

Huffing loudly, she nodded, “I do mean that.” 

“Excuse me, you don’t get to have any say in this.” Yuta snapped, interrupting them again. 

“Does he know? Have you told my son of this wretched news?” She asked, her shoulders shrugging as she pretended to laugh. Yuta could tell she was thinking, a bit too hard, and trying to act intimidating or perhaps unbothered by the news that was causing her to panic. 

“No. He doesn’t know yet.” Yuta said, keeping his voice flat. 

“Good. Then there’s still time to keep your position here. To save your status.” She said. 

“What position is that exactly? I’m assuming you think you did well by sending Jaehyun with another omega to college. I suppose you did it with the hope to destroy us. You didn’t want Jaehyun to be tied together with me, and stuck here? Is that right?” Yuta said, standing up from the couch. He tossed the pillow back down. 

“Yuta.” His mother said, warning him. 

“No, I’ve had enough of this. You don’t get to meddle with my marriage like that and then turn around and tell me that an abortion is the only way I’ll be able to fix anything—“ 

“My god, don’t put it that way.” Jaehyun’s mother exclaimed. 

“Why not? That’s what you’re asking me to do.” 

“Yes. Because I know my son. And I know that’s the only way he’ll keep any love for you. If you have this bastard child, he’ll resent you forever. You’ll practically be giving him a push into another omega’s arms.” She said, menacingly. 

Yuta glared at her, once again seeing nothing but red and feeling rage rush through his body. 

She was vengeful and completely power-hungry it seemed. Yuta didn’t want to hear anything else she had to say. 

“Let me ask you, was this your attempt to keep him?” 

Yuta turned to his mother, shaking his head at her.

“I’m not going to stay here and listen to this anymore. I don’t need to sink to her level, or prove anything to her.” Yuta muttered, ignoring her existence completely. 

He began to walk away, but not before Jaehyun’s mother could get her last few words in. 

“How naive of you to think this technique would save anything! I won’t mention this to Jaehyun! Or my husband, for that matter. It’s up to you to make the right choice to save what’s left of your marriage—“ 

“That’s enough.” He heard his mother say, her voice stern and quiet. 

Yuta headed upstairs quickly, grabbing his phone and coat, and the clothing he’d worn when he’d arrived last night. He could hear the two women still in an argument downstairs, but he couldn’t stand to stay any longer. He needed to get out, and away from all the toxic nature of both families. 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


The rest of the week was strange. Yuta had been unable to get over the short phone call with Jaehyun and his mother’s harsh words toward him, urging him to fight for his marriage. 

Yuta was still hurting, and conflicted, of course, there was no way he could get around that; but the idea that Jaehyun was making some form of effort was… helping him, in a way.

In all honesty, Yuta just wanted to lay around and live hermit style, without having to visit or see anyone, but he knew it would be better for him to get out of the house, and especially before he started showing. The idea of that made him feel so strange, especially since he was going solo now. The father of his child in a whole other country. 

And completely unaware of the said child. 

So, when Doyoung had suggested going out to eat with Taeyong and him, Yuta had said yes. After a _bit_ of convincing from his best friend. 

Yuta had gotten somewhat dressed up, for the first time since the cursed day of his sister's party, into a nice sleek, grey jacket and a pair of newly purchased black jeans. 

Doyoung had picked the restaurant, and it was some seafood place, Yuta realized that before they even stepped inside. He hated the heightened smell aspect of everything, as it made the urge to eat food lose its appeal entirely for him. 

“I’m sorry! I really should’ve thought about that.” Doyoung said, shaking his head at his decision. 

“It’s okay, Doyoung, even if it had been Italian or something I would’ve just been focused on the scent of garlic the whole time. It’s inevitable.” Yuta said, justifying it. 

Taeyong chuckled, clearly finding the situation humorous. He stopped when both the beta and omega glared at him. 

They ordered eventually, and Doyoung critiqued Yuta for his lack of choosing anything of real substance, as he ordered some kind of plain pasta dish, which he knew wouldn’t cause any kind of nausea in him. 

“It’s smarter to go with cravings.” Taeyong came to his defense, and the two engaged in some sort of argument about it. Yuta opted out of it. 

Their debate was interrupted by an engagement taking place a couple of tables away from them. Yuta snorted. It was an interesting place to get engaged, but his engagement hadn’t happened someplace special, so he wasn’t one to judge. 

“Wow,” Doyoung said, watching the couple kiss. 

“It would’ve been awkward if he’d said no,” Taeyong added after the clapping from the other guests in the establishment died down. 

“I couldn’t have watched that,” Yuta said, with a laugh.

Doyoung had caught on to Yuta checking his phone every other minute, as he threw a knowing glance at the older man. 

“How expensive were those sunglasses on your head?” Yuta asked Taeyong before Doyoung could call out his obsessive phone checking habit. 

As Taeyong went on to ramble about the different pricings of high-end brand sunglasses, Yuta threw Doyoung a smirk. 

The evening passed somewhat nicely, after dinner Doyoung had decided to head off to use the washroom, and left Taeyong and Yuta by themselves. 

“Have your classes already started then?” 

“Yeah. The amount of students in them is small though, we don’t even have large classrooms for it. And it’s just two classes per week. I might even sign up for one more.” 

Taeyong raised a brow, clearly at Yuta’s determination. 

“You’re a hard worker, Yuta.” 

“Thank you. I know.” Yuta chuckled, nudging Taeyong with his shoulder. 

“You should go ask that couple we saw getting engaged if they need a wedding planner.” 

“Oh please, enough.” Taeyong chuckled at Yuta’s suggestion. 

“But I do need to use the washroom as well. Too much white wine, I guess.” 

Yuta scooted out from the booth, letting Taeyong out. 

Once he was alone, he went back to check his phone again. Just like the other times he’d checked that night, there was nothing there. He felt somewhat lost, sitting there all alone and checking his phone. 

To make matters much worse, when he looked up, he didn’t see Taeyong, or Doyoung, or even the waiter there, but a stranger. 

“Hey, can I sit here for a second?” The man, somewhat tall and dressed in semi-fancy clothing asked. 

Yuta scowled in confusion at the forward question, he was unsure where he’d given the impression that he was open to a random stranger sitting there, but once the scent of the man hit him, he realized why he’d gotten that impression. He was an alpha. They were always so damn entitled. 

“No, sorry, but my friends are coming back here soon.” 

“Ah, friends. So you aren’t with any of them?” 

“Do I know you?” Yuta asked, getting irritated with this slimy guy. 

“No, but I’d like to get to know you.” The guy slipped into the booth after Yuta had already said no, and he scooted away from him. 

“What makes you think I want to get to know you? Because I’m sitting here alone that gives you some right? Get lost.” Yuta waved his hand, trying to be as collected as possible, even though he knew he was minutes away from popping off for real. 

“There is no need for that tone. Real good omegas shouldn’t say things like that.” The guy tried to scoot closer, and Yuta was a second away from slapping him or perhaps even punching. 

Taeyong however, had seen it from across the room, and he made his way over swiftly. He yanked at the man’s collar, even though he was taller and bigger than Taeyong, that didn’t seem to matter now. Yuta could see the alpha’s muscle straining through his sparkly designer jacket. 

“Why the fuck are you sitting there? Did he ask you to?” Taeyong hissed out, pushing the guy back with his arm. 

“No,” the guy spluttered, grinning in a cocky way, “but he was alone, so—“ 

“That’s not an invitation. Get lost bastard.” Yuta added, standing up to his full height in front of him. 

“Fine. You losers. Don’t know how anyone’s meant to meet omegas with weirdos like you protecting them.” The guy snapped, clearly pissed off. 

Yuta was glad he walked away instead of continuing to pursue things. He wondered if it was that obvious that he was well, as of now, sort of single. He had a mating mark, and a wedding band, yet that was not enough signs to prevent weird alphas from approaching him? 

“Are you alright?” Taeyong asked, clearly hesitant. 

“Yeah. It’s not the first time something like that has happened.” He shook his head. 

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Yuta.” 

“It’s fine. It was a good evening if I ignore that.” Yuta shrugged. 

Taeyong pulled him in for an awkward side hug, but it was still comforting to know he had a friend. He knew Taeyong had his back. 

“Doyoung is gonna be so mad,” Yuta said, giggling. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


They went back to Doyoung’s apartment after dinner since Yuta wasn’t in any mood to be alone yet, and he had also claimed that he didn’t want to give that random alpha the power of ruining their evening. Both of his friends had agreed. 

As they sat out on Doyoung’s patio, Yuta finished off giving them a few details of what his mother-in-law had told him. 

“So then, no blessing from them.” Taeyong scoffed. 

“She’s insane. How come she hadn’t considered it as a possibility? Like, even if it happened years from now, she should have prepared for it. And the coddling of her son, I mean, he is an adult. She can’t protect his future from every decision he makes.” Doyoung said, crossing his arms in his chair. 

“That’s the thing. They think I’m trying to destroy it. But I don’t want that at all.” 

“Right, and you haven’t even told him yet. God, he’s not even here to figure it out.” Doyoung said bitterly. 

Yuta had gladly heard him curse out Jaehyun multiple times when Yuta had brought him up in any conversation after he’d left. 

Yuta couldn’t even imagine how it may have gone over if Jaehyun had never left for school. He had shut down during their conversation about kids, so Yuta had no clue if he’d be happy or if he too would want Yuta to dispose of his problems himself. 

“After my breakup, with an alpha, the more I realized that the majority—no offense to you Taeyong but I know you won’t be—think they can get away with anything. Of course, it’s the way they are brought up, thinking they are the most superior wolf of all and are large and in charge of the _pack_ when they aren’t that much different than the rest of us if you ignore instincts and biology. It just. infuriates me to no end.” Doyoung ranted. 

“No, you’re right Doyoung. I was lucky enough to be raised in a household with no hierarchy, but most alphas are raised thinking they are all-knowing and have all the control.” Taeyong agreed, nodding. 

“But then,” Yuta spoke suddenly, going back to the main topic at hand, “would it make me seem weak if I forgave Jaehyun after everything?” 

“It’s up to you, honestly. To me, it seems like there’s still a lot more groveling he needs to do.” Doyoung said, a stern look on his face. 

Yuta thought for a moment and wondered if he was making a mistake by not telling Jaehyun already. He didn’t want him to get the news from someone else either, nor did he want Jaehyun’s efforts to gain his trust and love back to only be because Yuta was carrying his first heir. There was no point in that.

“It’s a good way to try to get some presents,” Taeyong offered, succeeding in making Yuta smile even when he felt so down. 

“Have you ever sent someone gifts when searching for forgiveness?” Doyoung asked, clearly expecting some flirty answer from Taeyong. 

“I like to buy gifts in relationships, but I’ve only ever had two long term relationships, and both ended in mutual agreement that it was over.” He answered simply. 

“Only two?!” Doyoung said. 

“Yes, is that hard to believe?” Taeyong sat back, challenging him. 

“I think Doyoung believed you were a cassanova because you’re an alpha, who’s single, with good style and a great personality.” Yuta giggled, feeling Doyoung glaring at him.

“I did not, Yuta.” 

The night carried on effortlessly, and Yuta finally glanced back at his phone, after a little over an hour of forgetting to check it. He felt his heart drop into his stomach when he saw that for once, he had a missed call from Jaehyun. 

He excused himself, then hurried inside, calling him back. 

However, it was too late. The call went right to voicemail. Yuta nibbled nervously at his lip. He didn’t want things to be this way and didn’t think he could handle them going on like this. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to rush out like that. I had a missed call from… him.” 

Yuta didn’t even feel like saying his name right now.

“Oh,” Doyoung nodded, “did you get through to him?’ 

“No. he didn’t answer,” Yuta muttered. He didn’t want to show his emotions or how it had hurt him and embarrassed him. 

“And that’s on him, Yuta. Not you,” Doyoung stood up, walking over and patting the elder man’s arm, “do you want to call it a night? We were about to play a card game but we don’t have to if you aren’t feeling it.” 

“Ah, no, that sounds like fun. I’m okay.” 

Yuta sat down, taking the seat next to Taeyong this time. The alpha’s hand reached to pat his shoulder, comforting and entirely platonic, basically the same way Doyoung had done it, yet Yuta was hyper-aware of how different it felt.

“Alright. I’ll go search for the cards then.” Doyoung said, and headed back inside, leaving Taeyong and Yuta alone.

It was the second time that day they’d been left in each other's company, and Yuta noticed the itching tension finally. He cursed himself for doing so, and was certain it was based on their status; Yuta being an omega and Taeyong being an alpha had always made for a slightly awkward friendship, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t possible. Yuta had befriended alphas before, but none had been the same way as Taeyong was. He was respectful and protective in a way that wasn’t possessive, but honorable. 

And without realizing it, Yuta had gravitated towards him, nearly leaning on his shoulder now. His scent was warm, and Yuta noticed things about it he hadn’t picked up on before he gained his heightened sense of smell. 

“Today has been a mess. Sorry, you had to see some of it.” Yuta said, trying to lighten the mood as he looked away from Taeyong’s eyes. They were one of his strongest features, and Yuta had told him that before. 

“You deserve to be happy, Yuta,” Taeyong muttered. His words caught the omega off guard.

“Hey,” Yuta whispered, reaching for Taeyong’s hand and grabbing it, “you don’t have to pity me, or anything.” 

“I’m not saying it out of pity, Yuta… I just genuinely want to see you happy.” Taeyong said. 

Taeyong was an experienced man who knew what he was saying with his words and what his intentions were. It was so different from a talk with Jaehyun, who had less experience and was younger and still navigating his way through life and his emotions. Yuta was unsure why he’d even thought to compare the two in his mind. 

Yuta watched his face carefully, deeply focused on his slightly agape mouth and his chiseled jaw and cheekbones. Yuta thought that whoever had been with him, and whoever _would_ be with him in the future was quite lucky. 

“Then, thank you. I think.” Yuta said, feeling shy at the compliment.

He leaned down, against Taeyong’s shoulder, once the man had clearly shown he was comfortable with it. 

“You know what no one has asked me yet?” 

“Hm?” Taeyong asked, giving him room to speak. 

“If I want to keep the child or not. No one has considered how I feel, or if I want to go through with everything.” 

“It’s truly no one's choice but yours, Yuta.” Taeyong reminded him softly. 

Yuta had a feeling, somewhere deep down, that he was meant to. No, the child had not been planned, nor was it a convenient time for it at all, but he couldn’t deny that his gut was telling him that he wanted this. He didn’t want to think about how he’d feel if he disposed of their child. Regardless of what was between Jaehyun and him now, the child was still a symbol and a result of the passion they’d once had for each other. 

“I want to keep the baby,” Yuta answered honestly. 

“I’ve known from the moment I meant you, that you were a genuine and honest person. And so strong too, after everything you have had to deal with. You will make a great dad too.” Taeyong said, smiling down at Yuta. 

In a moment, only a split second, Yuta was aware of how close together their mouths were when he tilted his head up, intending to thank Taeyong once again, but their lips were inches away now. 

Yuta faltered, as millions of possibilities rushed through his mind. He tried to consider what the outcome would be if he leaned up and kissed his friend, and it hit him that suddenly he wasn’t sure how he’d be able to face himself after. He pulled away before he could do anything irrational. 

But it was too late, the damage was done and Yuta knew it because the fact that he’d even considered kissing another man for a split second just showed he was unhappy. 

“Sorry,” Taeyong muttered right away. 

“No, that was all me. You don’t have to say sorry.” Yuta was quick with his words, running a hand through his hair. 

“I don’t want you to get involved in whatever mess I have myself in.” He added on. 

“It’s okay, again, Yuta. I get it. It’s been a tough day for you.” 

“I’m just... lonely.. and confused. But you shouldn’t have to deal with that.” Yuta said, sniffing. 

“Do you want to know what I think?” Taeyong asked, and Yuta was glad he had asked rather than giving unsolicited advice. 

“Yes. I do.” 

“I think you should go to see him. Forget everything you have going on here, and go see him. Without doing that, things will only get worse from here. He’ll be back for winter break anyways, right? I’m sure you don’t want to have to explain things to him then. Unless you want to do it over the phone, you should go there. It could give you some added clarity too. I hate seeing you so conflicted, Yuta.” Taeyong said, pursing his lips after he did. 

“I see what you mean. Maybe that would be a smarter plan than letting it all unfold then. Even if I don’t go there to patch up my relationship, I guess he deserves to know about.. this.” Yuta sighed, placing a hand over his stomach. 

Doyoung came out then, finally, with the playing cards, before Yuta could apologize for almost kissing his friend and former wedding planner again. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


Perhaps it was the push he’d needed after the incident between them on the patio or the fact that he’d nearly caught himself falling into the arms of another man that had given Yuta a wake-up call. He realized that he either needed to go and try to work things out with Jaehyun or to cut things off completely. And he didn’t want to do that without giving him one last chance to show his true self. Yuta also knew that if he gave things one last push of effort on his side, Jaehyun might finally be able to see that and reciprocate it. 

Yuta knew that deep down he wanted to pretend that it was something worth fighting for, even after he’d already shut Jaehyun out again—telling him they needed the time apart. But that was because he couldn’t stand that Jaehyun was the one pulling away from him, and the only way for him to react was to put his walls back up. 

So, Yuta found himself packing his bags on a Monday afternoon. After a couple of days, he had gone ahead and bought a plane ticket, and there was truly no going back now. 

Yuta had also hesitated about telling Jaehyun, as he was unsure if it was smarter to let him know he was coming, or walk into whatever situation he had going on over there. Part of Yuta almost felt guilty for being so suspicious, but deep down he also knew that it was better to trust his gut instincts. 

Yes, it was practically only 3 weeks since Jaehyun had left, but the circumstances were a bit messy. Yuta wanted to scoff at the absurdity of it all, he couldn’t have predicted that he’d be in such a situation even just a month ago. 

His feet had begun to ache, something his doctor had mentioned might happen since he’d already had the symptoms of nausea. 

Yuta sat down on the bed, opening his phone, and seeing the pleasant surprise of a text from Jaehyun. 

It was just a picture with no text attached, but Yuta recalled when they’d taken it. Sometime during their trip to Japan, Jaehyun had pulled him aside again, and they’d taken a picture during the evening, with the sun setting and the beautiful scenery captured in the back. 

The image made his heartache, and long for what they used to have. He felt tender as ever, as he saved the image to his phone. 

Yuta tossed and turned in bed that night, unable to get comfortable. He was deeply nervous for that following morning, and for traveling all by himself. But he had been independent long before Jaehyun had arrived in his life, and he knew he’d be able to adjust perfectly fine. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


It was a cold morning, and Yuta had barely arrived at the airport and his gate on time since he’d taken forever to get up and get out of bed. 

He’d gotten a few curious glances from the airport security after he’d removed his jacket, and he truly hoped that his condition, per se, wasn’t too obvious. But, it was hard to tell if their curiosity came mainly from the fact that he was all alone. 

Yuta also had to sit next to an elderly man on the flight, which wouldn’t have been a big problem, until the man fell asleep and Yuta was trapped in his seat, with the need to use the washroom. 

Despite the terrible flight and how his nerves had been going off the entire time, Yuta made it with good time. There had been one layover, but everything had been manageable. 

Still, there was the feeling of having traveled all day by the time he made it to London. Then, Yuta discovered, after he had asked a local, who had been kind enough to let him down gently with the truth that Oxford college was located outside of the city, in Oxfordshire. Of course, it made sense that it was, but that didn’t mean that Yuta was happy about having to find some form of transportation there. 

After fiddling around for a couple of minutes and debating if taking a train or an uber would be better for transportation, he decided on the uber. 

His stomach churned and twisted, as he sat in the backseat of a car with his carry-on bag next to him. Yuta was regretting showing up and not telling Jaehyun, but at the same time, he was preparing himself for whatever he could walk into. He hated how easy it was for him to imagine Jaehyun and Jungwoo being with each other, and how effortlessly they could be together in some foreign country where they didn’t have to worry about anyone else. 

The cloudy skies made Yuta’s mood much worse, as he tried to focus on the window, ignoring how he was carsick already when there was still an hour left of the drive. 

  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Yuta thanked the driver heavily for making the trip when he arrived, handing him a wad of cash and an extra tip. He felt bad that he’d made someone drive out of the city. 

The streets and buildings were unlike anything Yuta had been around before, although he’d partially seen some of the old architecture in London, this was another story. 

First, Yuta checked into a hotel which was located conveniently by a train station, and Yuta was already thinking about how noisy it would be as he tried to sleep. 

He had gotten a single room, which meant there was a single bed too, and he sighed at the emptiness of it. Yuta set his bag down in the closet and took in his appearance. Yuta had worn sort of baggy jeans for the trip, as well as a t-shirt and a fleece black coat. It didn’t seem like enough for the cold weather. 

Yuta turned to the side, checking himself. He was unsure if the baggy clothing hid all that needed to be hidden properly enough or not. But, then again, he had come there for a reason; and that was to reveal the secret he’d kept for weeks now. 

He was having more regrets than he’d even realized originally now because he found that he was the one pushing for honesty when Jaehyun had been lying to him from the very start. 

“You idiot,” Yuta muttered, rubbing a hand against his forehead. 

_Did I come here on impulse?_ Yuta thought, _Or did I come here to do the right thing?_

He decided to lay down for a bit since he was still carsick and feeling iffy after the plane ride. 

Yuta knew he had been left with no other option except to come there. He thought back to his mother, saying she thought Yuta would’ve followed Jaehyun to Oxford in the first place, but Yuta knew he wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for the small life growing inside of him at the moment. Jaehyun was part of it too, and Yuta wanted to test him now, to see if he was worthy of taking responsibility, or not. It was his turn to be selfish and decide what was best for both him and his child. 

After he had laid down for a bit, flicking on the television once and seeing there was nothing at all that intrigued him, he pulled out his phone for directions this time, quite glad he’d charged it on his last plane trip, and typed in the address he’d saved from the letter Jaehyun had sent. 

It was about a 20-minute walk, and upon finding the right building, Yuta could tell it wasn’t a dorm, but an apartment. He raised an eyebrow, seeing how even the outside looked rather expensive. Of course, he hadn’t expected Jaehyun to resort back to the dorm life he’d been living at his former college at home. 

But then, Yuta thought, becoming even more puzzled—what was the point of Jungwoo being his roommate? Was there some form of discount when they barely lived on campus? Things weren’t adding up. And Yuta wanted answers. 

So, he mounted his courage, taking a couple more deep breaths and reminding himself _not_ to throw up on the stairs as he walked up to them. 

He knocked, unable to give it any longer, and heard the sound of footsteps coming closer. 

The door swung open, and Yuta’s eyes widened, a lump forming in his throat as he was met with… Jungwoo.

“Yuta?” Jungwoo said, barely above a whisper. He seemed shocked as well. 

“Hello,” Yuta said, tilting his head slightly. He didn’t offer a smile. The younger man’s startled face, almost fearful it seemed, had already made him suspicious. More than he was before now. 

“I—I didn’t know you were coming.” Jungwoo breathed out, shifting his feet slightly. 

Yuta glanced him up and down. He looked paler than the last time he’d seen him, and Yuta noticed he wore much more casual clothing. Of course, Yuta had no idea what his style was at all. He didn’t know much about him except for his closeness with Jaehyun. They had only ever been on a semi-friendly basis because of their similar interest in Jaehyun. 

“That’s because I didn’t tell you. Or him.” Yuta said, knowing he didn’t need to use Jaehyun’s name. Jungwoo would know who he was talking about. 

“Oh.” 

“Can I come in?” Yuta asked as Jungwoo glanced him up and down. 

The awkward and uncomfortable tension between them, even though they had still barely held a conversation between each other, was very apparent. 

“Yeah, of course.” Jungwoo nodded and swallowed again. Yuta noticed. 

“Come sit, I’ll put the tea kettle on,” Jungwoo said, shutting the door behind Yuta. 

Yuta didn’t say another word, as he took in the state of the small apartment. It was cozy, that was for sure. There was a certain air in the room, and after taking a couple more steps, Yuta could smell his scent. Mixed with Jungwoo’s, of course, but Jaehyun’s was much stronger to him. As his _mate,_ after all, it was only inevitable. 

He was slightly perplexed by Jungwoo’s causality, as he watched him move around in the kitchen from the living room. Yuta thought that he had to know at least some of the truth about the relationship that Jaehyun and him shared. There was no way he was clueless, or perhaps he believed they had nothing between them still, and it had all been some sort of facade. After all, how wrong would that assumption be? 

There was a loveseat in the middle of the living room, along with a coffee table and two chairs. Yuta decided to sit in one of the chairs, even though he felt strange doing so. 

“So um, how did you travel here?” 

Yuta wanted to laugh but didn’t. Certainly, Jungwoo wasn’t an airhead if he was going to such a large university. 

“By plane..” Yuta said, trailing off. He spotted one of Jaehyun’s sweatshirts hanging on the coat rack by the door. He only spotted it because he had worn it once before. 

“Oh, no, I don’t mean like that, of course—I mean.. how’d you get the address?” 

So, Jungwoo was unaware of the fact that they were on a talking basis? 

“He gave it to me,” Yuta said, trying his _very_ best not to be snarky. 

It was hard to keep the peace when Yuta flat out wanted to ask what his intentions were. He was itching to know, as he folded his hands in his lap, nervously. 

“Jaehyun is.. in class right now. His classes usually go late like this.” Jungwoo said, unable to meet Yuta’s eyes. 

“Well, I didn’t know his class schedule, I would’ve come at a different time if I had,” Yuta said, reminding himself not to roll his eyes. He was glad that at least, if anything, Jungwoo appeared to be intimidated. 

“Right, of course,” the younger omega paused, “he—he talks about you a lot.” 

Yuta found the comment strange and finally looked up from his hands in his lap at the other man. 

“I don’t know what he’d have to say about me after everything,” Yuta said, an icy tone in his voice. He hated how he could hear the same venom in his voice that he’d always hated to hear from his mother. 

Jungwoo didn’t deserve it, certainly, even if he was doing what Yuta thought he was with his husband. 

“Sorry. That sounded rude.” 

“It’s okay, we’ve talked a bit about—everything and.. I know it’s not really my place but he is… he is very sorry. I can tell that, at least. He isn’t the same without you, either.” Jungwoo said, smiling slightly. Yuta found that odd too and was unsure how to respond. 

“You’re right, Jungwoo, you don’t have to clarify these things to me. These are all things he needs to say himself.” Yuta said, still sounding slightly on edge despite his intention to sound nicer than before. 

They were interrupted by the sound of a kettle whistling from the kitchen, and Jungwoo stood up right away. 

“I’ll get that.” 

Yuta, in silence, stood up as well. He was curious about the rest of the house anyway, so he followed Jungwoo into the kitchen in silence. 

The kitchen was tiny, but Yuta could see there were still a couple of items he could recognize that had gone missing from the big house back at home. For instance, a few knives that had previously been in their old kitchen were on the counter here now, and a couple of old cutting boards were stacked on the dish rack as well, Yuta recognized those too. 

Even the damn blender left on the counter had been a wedding gift. He’d told Jaehyun to get rid of it, he remembered, but that didn’t matter now. 

Yuta reached forward, picking up a small picture. Jaehyun was carrying Jungwoo on his back, who was mid-laugh. It looked recent. They looked close. They looked _perfect._

He felt his blood boil, and his head was spinning now. 

Yuta was torn out of his thoughts by a hand on his arm, and he looked up to find a somewhat concerned Jungwoo staring at him. 

“Hey, are you okay?” 

Yuta brushed his hand off, shaking his head. He watched as Jungwoo made the connection, glancing at the counter to see what Yuta had been holding. 

“That’s it, I can’t keep pretending I’m okay with this.” 

“What—“

“Just tell me, you and Jaehyun? For how long? When did it start?” Yuta asked, his voice trembling. He wasn’t thinking anymore, but how could he. 

That picture of them was all the evidence he needed, along with the kitchen belongings, the cozy location of the apartment which wasn’t even on campus, there were plenty of things that had tipped Yuta over the edge. 

He felt sick thinking about how Jaehyun had sent a picture of them together just the night before, and anger bloomed in his chest as he considered the possibility that Jaehyun was leading both of them on. 

Jungwoo looked confused, and his eyebrows had become drawn together, showing just how lost he was. 

“No, no, Yuta. You have the wrong idea. We should go sit down. I guess I should’ve asked if he had filled you in on everything, but it makes sense that he hasn’t.” Jungwoo said, guiding the smaller omega to the living room. 

Yuta was still dizzy and disoriented when they sat down, and Jungwoo even left to go to the kitchen to get him a glass of water, and then returned. 

“Okay, first of all, breathe,” Jungwoo said, handing him the glass, “and secondly, I’m not in any kind of romantic relationship with him.” 

Yuta side-eyed the omega next to him, unsure if he could trust the words coming from his mouth or not, but took a sip of water and a deep breath in regardless. 

“Then, why are you living with him in a foreign country? Why come all the way here to live in this tiny little apartment together?” Yuta said, feeling bile rising in his throat. 

“It’s a long story, and it doesn’t sound that believable either, which is probably why he hasn’t told you yet,” Jungwoo said. His constant excuses for Jaehyun were getting annoying, even though Yuta knew that of course, they probably had loyalties between each other. 

“Tell me, please. I’d rather hear your story than what I’m thinking of in my head.” Yuta said, taking another sip of water. He was still trying to get the image of Jaehyun, all happy with his new lover out of his mind. 

“I could never have run away with him like that, God no. Jaehyun has become like a brother to me, there isn’t a sliver of romance between us now.” Jungwoo said, clearly still trying to reassure Yuta on his behalf. 

Jungwoo pulled out his phone, showing Yuta a picture from his camera roll. It was of him, standing close to a man, chin on his shoulder, who was even taller than Jungwoo, with strong features and light brown hair. 

“This is Paul. We met at college in Korea last year, when he was the one on the scholarship program, and now he’s back at Oxford. Him and I…. we started to have something.. and I wanted to follow him here. I fell in love, a bit too quickly, I know.” Jungwoo giggled. Yuta stared in confusion. 

“But my parents don’t know about us. My family is rather well-established and I come from a line of very politely mannered omegas. I know they would disown me, or even worse probably, if they knew I was pursuing a man with no status from a completely different country at that, so I knew that coming here would be the safest thing for myself and my relationship. But I don’t plan on staying with Jaehyun forever. He was nice enough to offer me space here since I ran away, but Paul and I will be able to move in together soon enough. I’m working a part-time job now, even with school, and he has a corporate job that’ll make it so we can afford a 2-bedroom home eventually.” 

Yuta took in another deep breath, as he thought things over, taking a second to soak everything in. Jungwoo’s story made sense, and even though there was no way to test if it was the truth, Yuta figured it would be pretty hard to come up with such an elaborate lie. 

“I’m sure you’re wondering why Jaehyun and I even live together then, but most of this was orchestrated by his parents, and since I asked him not to tell them about Paul, because I know they would tell my parents right away, we ended up getting forced into this situation, and now his parents believe that there could be something between us. I wanted to tell you that, Yuta. I just didn’t know how.. but I would never, ever be with him in that way. No matter what his parents have tried to make us become.” Jungwoo said, in a soft and reassuring tone. 

Yuta decided that with everything, he would have to take Jungwoo’s word for now. Even though it was still hard to comprehend why he was living with Jaehyun, Yuta figured if he was doing it as a cover-up for when his parents searched for his whereabouts, it made sense. But that still didn’t excuse how Jaehyun had hidden this from him and kept it all a secret. That made no sense. 

“This would all be so much simpler if he had just—told me,” Yuta muttered, unable to hide the way his voice shook. Which he hated, since he wasn’t with a close friend, he was with an acquaintance and one who he had no clue how to feel about at the moment. 

“You’re right,” Jungwoo said, agreeing rather than making more excuses for Jaehyun, which Yuta noticed was an improvement. Jungwoo hadn’t seen his side of the story yet, the same way Yuta hadn’t seen his until now. 

After a couple more minutes of silence, Jungwoo was the first to break it. 

“Do you still want that tea?” 

“Sure,” Yuta sniffed, holding back a chuckle at the bizarreness of the situation. 

  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


It took another hour for Jaehyun to arrive at the small apartment. 

When Yuta heard the sound of footsteps on the doorstep, he froze. He had long since finished the cup of tea Jungwoo had ended up fetching, and now they were sitting on the couch still, except Jungwoo had brought out his homework, and was working on that, while Yuta read a book he had borrowed from the omega. 

It was certainly an awkward situation, but there was nothing either of them could do about it, but Yuta had already gotten used to it, accepting the awkwardness rather than rejecting it as he would normally. 

Yet still, he felt the urge to run or hide like a deer caught in the headlights as Jaehyun walked in through the door. 

He was aware he didn’t look his best, and certain that there would be obvious eye bags under his eyes and the baggy clothing didn’t give him the best style ever—but he still wasn’t prepared for seeing Jaehyun in front of him again, in his current state. 

His brown hair hung in front of his eyes, a bit messy from the day, and he looked much more put together. An overcoat thrown over a button-up, even with dress shoes on. The perfect looking medical student, standing like a statue before him, unable to move any further. 

“Yuta, when did you get here?” Jaehyun said, phrasing it more as a question rather than a statement, proving he was in disbelief. 

“I’ll be going to my room, then.” Jungwoo, who had been waiting for Jaehyun to finally open his mouth, said. 

“That isn’t necessary—“ Yuta started, but Jungwoo was already making his way down the hall. 

“When did you get here?” Jaehyun asked, his eyes still widened with shock. Yuta decided it would be a good time to stand up. 

It was hard for him to believe he was there, in Jaehyun’s new apartment. It must seem a bit confusing too, since Yuta hadn’t bothered to respond to his letter, to tell him he was coming, plus the way he’d told Jaehyun they should take a break right before he _left_.

But then again, what wasn’t confusing about them? 

“A little over an hour ago,” Yuta said. He felt very odd, in an apartment that wasn’t even his, with Jaehyun, who was meant to be a partner to him standing across from him like he was a stranger. 

“Oh,” Jaehyun said, slowly removing the scarf he’d been wearing, “you didn’t tell me that you were coming. I would’ve at least... paid for the ticket.” 

Just like the last time they’d seen each other, Jaehyun was nothing but a guilty man. Yuta could tell he was still kicking himself, and clearly in an awkward spot of trying to figure out what he should say. 

Yuta was also, at the same time, trying to process the near shock he’d had earlier, and all that Jungwoo had revealed to him. 

“Well,” Yuta paused, standing up finally from the couch, “I didn’t exactly think you, or fate was going to bring us back together. So I came here first.” 

There was a hardness in Jaehyun’s gaze, and Yuta grew distracted wondering if Jaehyun’s hair had grown longer or it was just the fact that it was hanging down. 

“Did something happen?” Jaehyun asked and the slightest twinge of concern could be heard in his voice. 

“Sort of.” Yuta sighed then, debating if it was the right time or not to tell him. He decided against it. 

“I talked with Jungwoo,” Yuta added, in one quick breath. 

“Yuta, I never meant—“ 

“For things to go this way? I know. But you know what, I think it was valid for me to expect a bit more of confidential trust from the man who claimed to be interested in me.” Yuta snapped, holding his jacket closer around himself. He became uncomfortable, suddenly, with this Jaehyun knowing his secret. He wanted to leave again, and perhaps get a night of rest and sleep on it. 

This Jaehyun looked at him with cold eyes and a stiff jaw. Yuta didn’t feel like spilling any of his guts to him. 

“Let me finish, I never meant for you to feel this way. Ever. It’s just the way that things ended up, and I’m deeply sorry for that. I am.” Jaehyun said. 

Yuta didn’t know if he believed a word of it or not. 

“You just accepted the way things were going. And you had plenty of chances to confide in me about Jungwoo’s situation and your desire to go to school here. Don’t you think that would’ve made the blow easier on me? If you cared for me, you would’ve done that. At least.” Yuta said, trying to keep his voice level. He didn’t want to raise his voice more, as he was certain Jungwoo could hear it in the room over anyways. Not that he hadn’t already been brought into the business that was their marriage by Jaehyun. 

“I’m gonna go. I shouldn’t have come here today, I should have just gone to the hotel first thing and slept.” Yuta said, shaking his head at his impulsive behavior. He went for the door, but not before Jaehyun could meet his back with his chest, holding the door. 

“Yuta, please. Let me take you there, at least.” 

“I can just walk.” 

“It’s getting dark out. Just allow me to do that at least since you traveled all the way here.” Jaehyun said, eyes filled with a look like to sympathy. Yuta wondered if he was capable of it.

Yuta gave in. It was late, and he was tired. 

  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


Apparently, driving him to the hotel also meant coming to his hotel room along with him, after Jaehyun followed him there too. 

Yuta hadn’t protested, however, as he figured it would be better to talk there instead of the apartment which reeked of Jaehyun and Jungwoo’s scents together and made Yuta feel all strangely territorial and angry. 

It was a real pain, now, because no matter how Yuta looked at it, they were mated. On his neck, would forever be a bite mark that connected them, that showed they were mated. Yet, even with their bond, Yuta was still left feeling uneasy and unsure, and without any trust, for the very man he was married to. 

“This room is small, I could’ve gotten a nicer hotel for you.” Jaehyun tried to speak again after they’d spent both the journey and the first few minutes in the hotel room in mostly silence. 

“No. This will do, I don’t plan on staying long anyway.” 

“Yuta, you’re the only man I know who would fly to a foreign country and not plan on staying long,” Jaehyun said, biting back a smile. 

He was still standing, and Yuta was sitting on the bed. Yuta shook his head at his joke, fighting the urge to laugh. It was quite hard not to when his comment reminded him of the old days. 

“Mm. You were kind of right about me hating rainy weather.” Yuta grinned, getting him back with that one. 

Jaehyun came to sit next to him then, yet allowed a comfortable distance to remain between the two of them. Yuta was glad he was respecting his speech about space, at least. 

He also couldn’t deny that there was something in his nerves that was trying to soothe him now, and Yuta began to suspect it was the fact that he was in the presence of his mate. 

The sound of their breath mingling in the dry air of the room was quite loud due to the silence, and Yuta couldn’t stand it anymore. 

“I didn’t come to patch things up or take you back officially if that’s what you think. Because in my eyes, we are still taking a break as of now.” Yuta reminded him when he caught Jaehyun’s eyes roaming over his body like a hunter does its prey. 

Those damn bedroom eyes. It certainly made him feel missed in one way. But, Yuta couldn’t help but wonder what way it was that Jaehyun wanted him since it certainly wasn’t about what he needed from Yuta anymore. He had proven that. 

Yuta remembered something about his hormones and scent changing with the pregnancy and he wondered if Jaehyun had noticed now without Jungwoo’s scent to interfere. He swallowed deeply. 

“We are on a break while being bonded and married. That’s pretty unique I think.” 

Yuta rolled his eyes, taking in a deep breath. It was extremely hard to work up the courage to tell him what he knew he needed to be able to get any sleep that night, and he was fighting it deep down. 

“Unique,” Yuta said, the word rolling off his tongue. 

“But, seriously. I don’t want you to think this is me running back to you, or anything. It’s not.” Yuta said. 

He could see that same look from earlier on Jaehyun’s face again, turning cold and reserved at the slightest criticism. 

_God,_ it was much harder to confess than he’d been prepared for. 

“I know. I understand that.” 

Yuta stood up, unable to continue to sit there with his nerves going crazy. He had begun to bounce his leg, as the stress passed through him. 

He put his hand on his forehead, taking in a deep breath. 

“Can I say though, you look good. You look healthy.” 

Yuta knew Jaehyun was looking at his body and seeing the natural weight he’d gained through pregnancy and he couldn’t take it any longer. 

“I’ve been hiding something,” Yuta said, without even looking back in Jaehyun’s direction. 

In his solitude, Yuta had considered the other possibilities of the paths he could have taken. He thought about how he could have disposed of the child without telling anyone or ran off somewhere to be alone and isolated without telling anyone of his child, but he decided that avoidance wasn’t the path he wanted to go down. 

“But, I want you to understand the reason I hid it was because I wasn’t sure how you would react. Now that I’ve had time to prepare myself,” Yuta felt his shoulder tense, as guilt pooled inside of him when he met Jaehyun’s concerned eyes finally, “I know I have to tell you.” 

“Yuta, you’re scaring me. What is it?” Jaehyun spoke in a strangely soft tone and stood up from the bed, the springs creaking as he did. 

“I’m having a child.” Yuta spat out before he could hold back any longer. 

He closed his eyes, fearful of opening them and seeing the look on Jaehyun’s face. It made his rapid pulse in his ears sound even louder. 

“Yours.” 

Yuta felt like collapsing on the floor and melting into a puddle then, at the way he’d gone about things. He had completely panicked and forgotten to explain anything further and just word vomited his secret. 

“What—“ Jaehyun stopped in the middle of the room, too stunned to do anything else, Yuta believed, “how long.. are you sure—” 

“Yes, I’m sure.” Yuta urged him on, reaching for his hand since Jaehyun was so uncertain. He pulled it in, holding it over his stomach. 

“There’s nothing big there yet, but it’s yours. And mine.” 

“5 or, wait.. 6 weeks now. I really should keep track of that.” Yuta sighed, a bit exasperated. He was nervous as ever and waiting for Jaehyun to say something other than stuttering at him. 

Jaehyun looked as if he could faint, and Yuta could barely blame him. It had been a thousand times worse for him when he’d first gotten the news. Jaehyun’s whole posture was so rigid and his face was no better, Yuta had started to regret telling him until—

He could see tears had formed in Jaehyun’s eyes. 

Yuta guided them back to the bed, settling down on the edge, but Jaehyun sank onto the floor next to the bed instead. Yuta didn’t question it, as he had no idea what was going through the younger man’s mind. 

“How long have you known?” Jaehyun asked. His voice sounded quiet and hoarse as he spoke. 

“Since before you left. I will admit that. But I didn’t tell you because I knew it would just look like I was trying to stop you from coming here. And I couldn’t do that.” Yuta said, sighing deeply. He felt naked and vulnerable after revealing his secret despite everything that was already tearing them apart at the moment. 

“I went to the doctors because I was feeling strange and I kept throwing up but I think that even before that I just had a feeling. It had been too long since I was on suppressants and we weren’t exactly being careful, so.” Yuta continued, watching as Jaehyun ran his hands through his hair. 

“I should’ve been there with you. If none of this had happened, If I hadn’t left you there alone like a total _asshole—“_

“No, Jaehyun, don’t talk like that. Even before I found out you were leaving we still had plenty of problems we weren’t working on. I still wouldn’t have known how to tell you.” Yuta said, unable to hide how even his tone had changed after seeing how much it had affected Jaehyun. 

“I’ve failed you,” Jaehyun said, sounding frustrated. 

“Jaehyun—“ 

“No. I have. I already didn’t deserve you, not after all that I did. And now you’re—you—“ 

“Don’t panic, please. I know this is hard to get news like this out of the blue but, just... don’t worry. I’ve already accepted it. I want to keep the baby.” Yuta said softly, reaching for Jaehyun’s hand the same way he had earlier. 

Yuta made sure to say _I,_ as in _him,_ he was not going to request Jaehyun take any sort of parental role or responsibilities now, even though he was certain that if Jaehyun wanted to be present in their child’s life, they would probably be getting a lawyer involved by then. 

Especially with the way things had turned sour in their marriage. 

“If I had just _stayed,_ Yuta…” 

Jaehyun couldn’t even look at him. Yuta pulled at him, trying to get him to sit on the bed again. Jaehyun finally budged. 

“I wouldn’t want you to stay just for our child. That’s not fair to you, or me, or them.” 

Yuta slowly removed his coat, laying it down on his bed. 

Then, taking the younger man by surprise, he wrapped one arm around his shoulder and the other around the back of his neck, pulling him closer. 

“When am I ever going to be able to make this up to you?” Jaehyun said, unable to reciprocate Yuta’s embrace at the moment. 

“Shh. Don’t talk about that now.” Yuta whispered hoarsely. 

Jaehyun’s hand weakly moved towards his stomach again, and Yuta bit his lower lip, trying his best not to cry. 

There was nothing that Yuta could say now, to help Jaehyun accept the situation they were in. And he didn’t take any sort of joy in metaphorically kicking a man who was already an emotional wreck. 

“You don’t have to worry about making it up to me, because there’s nothing left to fix.” 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Two days had passed since the night when Yuta had told Jaehyun.

Yuta had asked to be alone that night and had no intention of sharing a single bed with him or anything like that. He had comforted Jaehyun that night for the sake of still caring for him, and because deep down he’d needed it too. 

Yuta knew he would never truly be able to get over Jaehyun. There was no other place he could envision himself being where he didn’t still have a soft spot for the man. He was the only one who had brought such strong passion to his life, such powerful and strong emotions. Even when Yuta had been with Johnny, or anyone before him, Jaehyun had always been there. On his mind. 

But Yuta didn’t think it was reciprocated in the same way. He didn’t know if he’d ever see that, or believe it even. 

Yuta hadn’t exactly been in the mood to do any typical touristy things. He’d gone for one walk in the evening, checking out how some of the buildings looked at night and the street life. But everything felt numb to him. 

He had gone out for one awkward lunch with Jungwoo, where he had no appetite but had been convinced by the younger omega to eat for the baby.

Yuta wasn’t sure if it was the residual jealousy, or perhaps a different kind of feeling he was holding towards Jungwoo because even if there wasn’t romantic love between them, there was at least a strong enough platonic love for Jaehyun to want to _live_ with him for a whole year. 

Jaehyun was busy. As any medical major would be, of course. But his packed schedule and the way he practically lived on campus was putting more things into perspective for Yuta. 

If he couldn’t drop things even for one day, not that Yuta was blaming him or angry at him for it, but he couldn’t see how he’d be able to work anything out with Yuta right now.

Yuta had no clue where he...or their child fit in. 

He had been to visit their apartment only once over the past two days, and that was where Jungwoo had shown him his schedule and told Yuta about the great big lecture halls they had to sit in, for sometimes hours. 

Jungwoo himself was majoring in nursing, so he had a pretty packed schedule too, but he had spaced it out to make more time for his job on the side. 

Part of Yuta envied how much it seemed like Jungwoo understood that part of Jaehyun. 

Yuta needed to go back home and get everything in order. He had classes back at his college too, and doctor’s appointments, and his family—there was just so much to get to, and he couldn’t wait around there any longer. 

He had wasted the days away inside of the hotel room, keeping himself isolated. They had room service, but it wasn’t anything appetizing. It felt nearly like being trapped there, with the cloudy weather, and the fact that the only two people he knew there weren’t exactly friends he could just go hang out with. 

On the second day, he’d acted upon his emotions again and gone to visit Jaehyun on campus where he’d gotten lost trying to find him. 

The one conversation he had with Jaehyun in between his classes hadn’t exactly gone well either. 

_“I want you to sell the house.”_

_“What? Do you even hear what you are suggesting right now, Yuta?” Jaehyun had said, reacting poorly to Yuta’s calm emotions as he’d made the suggestion._

_“I do. I’m not gonna sit in that big house and wait for you. I’ll work with the movers to get everything out, but I want you to contact your real estate agent and see what you can do about it.” Yuta replied, bitter and harsh._

_“No, Yuta. I don’t get why are you—why you are being so final with everything. Do you want to get a divorce lawyer involved while you’re at it?” Jaehyun had snapped in response._

_“Perhaps. If you keep using that tone with me.”_

_“I’m sorry.” Jaehyun at least sounded genuine._

_“Just do it eventually, Jaehyun. I won’t be living in the house regardless if you do or don’t.”_

By the third day, Yuta had already booked his flight back home. 

He headed back over to the apartment, already somehow used to the walk over there, and knocked on the door. 

Jungwoo met him, of course. 

“Sorry. It’s a bit of a mess this time. Paul was over last night.” Jungwoo said, as he picked up a couple of beer cans and tossed them into the trash can. 

“It’s no problem.” Yuta lied, despite how even the smell of alcohol made him sick now. Stupid symptoms. 

“Are you… happy you can be here freely with him?” Yuta asked, unsure if he was overstepping some invisible boundary or not. 

“Yes,” Jungwoo chuckled, “I never cared about status. And when I learned that my parents were trying to find me a match after… well. After Jaehyun and you were officially engaged. I had no idea what I was gonna do. And then... Paul came into my life.” 

“It’s like I don’t even have to ask him for anything, you know? He just delivers. It’s so free and meaningful, what we have.” 

Yuta felt a fit of bitter jealousy at his words but smiled nonetheless. 

“He sounds like a great guy,” Yuta muttered softly. 

“I’m kind of pissed Jaehyun didn’t tell you about him earlier. Now that I’ve thought about everything.” Jungwoo said, sighing as he sat down on the couch next to Yuta. 

“I was fuming, I’ll say that. I thought you two were running away to be together.” Yuta chuckled, glad he was able to get that off his chest finally. 

“I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I had done that to you. To anyone. It’s just not something I could see myself doing.” 

“Right. And our problems are between us, obviously, so don’t think I blame you or hold any grudges against you for coming here. It was his choice, and he’s the one who’s married to me.. not you.” 

“Thank you for saying that Yuta. You’re so much kinder and forgiving than it seems like anyone gives you credit for.” 

Jungwoo’s words surprised Yuta, and he wondered what had made him perceive his personality that way. He had always believed himself to be one to hold onto grudges like no other. 

“You’re too kind.” Yuta swallowed then, unsure of what to say next. 

“Where is.. Jaehyun today? Speaking of him.” Yuta said. He knew his flight was in a couple of hours, and he would at least like to get one last conversation in before he left. 

“Ah. He started his internship at the clinic today, but he should be back from it soon.” Jungwoo said, nodding. 

“Wow, an internship,” Yuta commented. He was certain his voice sounded shaky, as he took it in. 

“Yeah. They’re mandatory for some classes at the college.”

Even though Yuta had planned on saying everything to Jaehyun in person, he didn’t want to stay waiting around for another hour or two. He had already written a letter summarizing his reasons for going back home, and he decided he should put it to use now. That had been his back up plan. 

Yuta couldn’t just stick around in England forever and play hide and seek with him. He had to go back home and get his mind and belongings in order. 

“I want to thank you for how you handled all of this. And... I wish you the best for you and Paul. I do, Jungwoo.” Yuta heaved slightly, standing up from the couch. 

“Yuta, are you saying goodbye now?” Jungwoo asked, a concerned look on his face. 

Oh, how quickly things could change. Yuta felt no malice towards Jungwoo now. He was just a fool in love, trying to get away from his toxic parents. He could understand him better now. 

“I should head over to the airport now, and beat the traffic.” Yuta murmured, shrugging. 

Jungwoo frowned, and Yuta was sure he was thinking about how Jaehyun would react. 

“I want to leave this letter for him. I hope he isn’t too upset.” 

“I think that’s kind of inevitable, Yuta. He has changed so much already just having you around here.” 

“I know. But I’ve barely seen him since I got here. And it’s not his fault, I don’t blame him. But because he’s doing what’s best for him, I need to focus on that too.” Yuta replied, ignoring the way his voice had become choked up in his own throat. 

Jungwoo gave him an awkward side-hug, and Yuta accepted it gladly. He patted the taller man’s shoulder, weakly smiling up at him. 

“Thank you for telling me everything,” Yuta said, giving him one last look, as he reached for the doorknob. 

Yuta’s stomach twisted as he walked out the door, glancing up at the cloudy sky before he started to walk. It looked like it was about to rain, and Yuta only hoped it started after he was done walking. 

  
  
  


-

  
  


The taxi driver helped him lift his bag into the back seat after Yuta quickly realized his hands were too shaky for that. 

His chest felt heavy, as he looked down at himself, his large grey sweater seemed to hide his bump well, and he hoped the taxi driver wouldn’t notice. Yuta didn’t like people noticing. That meant they'd ask him questions. 

Yuta didn’t want anything else to do with this place. He couldn’t envision himself staying, but at the same time, he still felt like he’d made the right choice by coming to tell Jaehyun. He deserved that much at least, to live with the knowledge, to know that even though they were pretty much over—romantically—Yuta wasn’t going to hide that from him. 

He took one last glance over his shoulder, knowing very well who he was looking for amongst the crowds of people. Then, Yuta got into the backseat of the taxi.

Soon as they began to drive, a couple of tears trickled down his cheeks. Yuta had come looking for clarity, and he’d gotten it, but that didn’t mean he was happy with what he had gotten. Of course, he was glad he hadn’t been abandoned for another man, but the reality was still painful. They were unable to make it work, after such a short time. It just didn’t feel like Jaehyun had tried at all. 

“You okay?” The driver asked. 

“Yeah,” Yuta mumbled back.

Once Yuta had looked up, he caught something in the rearview of the mirror that puzzled him. 

In the distance, he could see the cars on the street, and a bit of sidewalk. 

And someone running. 

Yuta blinked, looking over his shoulder out the back window. There was a man, very, very distraught it seemed, running as fast as he could down the sidewalk. 

“No way,” Yuta muttered, wiping at one of his tears. 

“What did you say?” The driver asked, unable to understand Yuta. 

Yuta didn’t answer just yet, watching as the man got closer and closer. He could see who it was. 

Running at full speed down the busy sidewalk, was Jaehyun. He was still dressed in his fancy clothing, but he was bolting, fast as he could. His trenchcoat flowed behind him with how fast he was going. 

_Oh my god,_ Yuta thought, _he’s going to hurt himself if he keeps going like that._

“Sorry, could you pull over please?” Yuta requested, a bit urgently. 

“Do you know that man?” The driver said. So Yuta wasn’t imagining things. Good. 

“Yes.” 

The car pulled over, and Yuta waited until it came to a full stop to get out. A drop of rain hit his head as he stepped out of the car, and Yuta watched as Jaehyun continued to run, moving past groups of people and individuals with as much speed as he could. 

Yuta was perplexed at why he had run all the way there when he had a car, or why he was even running in the first place. Yuta had left a letter for a reason. Had he really just tried to outrun traffic to say goodbye? 

“Jaehyun,” Yuta called, “what are you doing?!” 

He finally slowed down at that, but he was already getting close enough anyway. Yuta could see the sweat beading on his forehead, and the way he was panting. He clutched at the side of his rib, walking the rest of the way there. Yuta walked to meet him halfway. 

“You—you didn’t tell me you were leaving.” Jaehyun huffed, still out of breath, and sweating like crazy. 

Yuta’s eyes were still watering, as he took in the state of the other man’s appearance. 

Then, all in one moment, Jaehyun moved forward, taking Yuta into a hug. Yuta froze, unable to move his arms. He could barely breathe, as Jaehyun hugged him. 

It felt like the rest of the cars and the people on the sidewalk and street all seemed to fade away, as he accepted his embrace and pressed a hand to Jaehyun’s chest. He could feel how fast his heart was racing. 

“Don’t go yet, please,” Jaehyun whispered. 

“Why not?” Yuta asked, genuinely wanting to know what reason he had not to leave. He had already weighed the pros and the cons and decided that leaving would benefit him and his child much more than staying. 

“I’m still so sorry, I was so blind, I was so wrong. I want to work this out, I want to try,” Jaehyun pulled away from the hug, with an urgent look on his face, “I’ll leave with you. I will.” 

“No, Jaehyun. You won’t.” Yuta said, balling his fists up at his words. He pushed at the taller man’s chest, effectively moving him away from their embrace. 

“Please. I want to be with you.” Jaehyun said, pleadingly. 

“Do you want to fix this, and be with me, because you love me—or because you are guilty about how you handled things, and about our child?” Yuta said, sternly. He wasn’t having any of this tactic from him. Yuta knew he was an emotional mess but he couldn’t just project all of it on to him and make Yuta feel awful for leaving. 

“Because I feel that way towards you, Jaehyun. I can’t stand to be in love with someone who would be with me for all the wrong reasons.” Yuta said, trying to be as blunt as possible. 

Jaehyun couldn’t speak, and Yuta could tell, even though he was still catching his breath, that he didn’t know how to answer. 

“When you figure that out, then call me. I’ll hear you out. But until then, you should prove to me that coming here was worth it. Finish your scholarship, your internship, all of it. Prove to me that you didn’t destroy what we had for nothing.” Yuta said, finally spilling out what he had been feeling all along. He reached up, brushing his hand against the side of the trembling man’s cheek. 

“It’s not the right time for us. It won’t be until we figure out what we want.” Yuta said, with his breath hitching. The tears overflowed onto his cheeks, and he was slightly embarrassed to be crying in front of him again. 

“We can figure it out together. I can’t leave you alone, or the child—“ 

“You already did, Jaehyun. You left me when you decided to come here. Don’t go back on it now.” Yuta muttered. 

Jaehyun frowned, his chest and shoulders still heaving as he continued to catch his breath. 

Yuta exhaled, pulling his hand away from Jaehyun’s cheek. 

Jaehyun reached up, grabbing Yuta’s shaky fingers, gently with his hand. He placed a soft kiss to the back of his hand, then pulled away. 

“I love you, Yuta.” 

Yuta grew still, the rest of what he had planned to say getting caught in his throat. He wanted so desperately to go back to a minute ago when Jaehyun hadn’t said those words yet, and run back to the taxi. He had no way of doing that now, and instead, he just stared at Jaehyun.

Jaehyun’s eyes flicked back and forth, clearly waiting for some response from him. 

Yuta had longed to hear those words for wha had felt like an eternity. Even just a month ago, Yuta would’ve eagerly accepted those words. Hell, he probably would’ve jumped into Jaehyun’s arms at the mention of them. But not now. It still felt good to hear it though, although it was too late. 

Instead, Yuta leaned up, weakly pressing their lips together, with his hand on the back of Jaehyun’s warm neck. It was a kiss mixed with sweat and tears, and nothing short of heartbreak and pain. Jaehyun chased his lips for more when he pulled back, and Yuta turned his cheek as bitter, stinging tears were falling from his eyes. 

They stayed like that for a minute or so, Yuta was seemingly unable to untangle his hands from Jaehyun. 

It took Yuta a lot of strength to pull away from him, and even more to look into the taller man’s eyes and see the confusion in them as he did. 

“Goodbye, Jaehyun.” 

Yuta walked away from him, back to the taxi, leaving Jaehyun teary-eyed with his heart practically in his hands this time. 

He knew it was harsh. Yuta knew it was a tough path to go down, for both of them, but it was the only way he could see things going fairly. It was the only way he could ensure both his happiness and Jaehyun’s at the same time. 

By the time Yuta was back in the taxi and on the road, it finally started to rain. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is by far the most angst filled and argument filled chapter i’ve ever written. 
> 
> so i loved that!
> 
> but on a serious note, what do you guys think? do you see any way of them working? WILL jaehyun figure out what he /really/ wants or... what. 
> 
> anyways, leave any comments as always. i am so happy and pleased with how this story has been received by everyone!! and i’m feeling pretty bittersweet about the next chapter being the last. hope you are all well! ❤️


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! so just to clarify some things, i know i said that chapter 18 would be the last but as i sat down to write everything i have planned, even with time skips and everything, it was still very long and i know a lot of you guys stayed up late trying to read through the hefty previous chapter so i split it up this time. 
> 
> i hope no one minds but the next, and (final, i mean it this time) chapter will be out hopefully within the next few days. 
> 
> tysm for the amazing support i received on the last chapter, it was totally unexpected and i appreciate you all so much. it’s been a journey writing this fic. as always sorry for any mistakes.

Yuta was extremely exhausted after his long travels, almost dangerously so. It felt like it had taken both a physical and emotional toll on him, which he knew wasn’t good for him nor his child. 

Although, despite his exhaustion, he found it was hard to just lay down and go to sleep. Each time he laid down, he was met with more memories, all the way from his last meeting with Jaehyun to his first. He couldn’t get it out of his mind, constantly replaying how he’d handled certain moments and just wondering if he had handled them differently, then would things have gone differently? 

When Yuta tried to close his eyes and sleep, he saw Jaehyun’s expression when he had first revealed the small, growing baby bump, which had been enough to shorten his breath and bring him to tears. If the proof of their love had been able to bring such a reaction out of him, then why couldn’t they make it work? 

These were the questions that Yuta was being tormented with, as he tried his best to get some rest, if not for him—then for the baby. 

In his deepest, darkest thoughts which were tucked away somewhere, Yuta had always secretly imagined the life they’d spend together. Of course, he had kept these thoughts a secret to no one but himself, but Yuta _had_ envisioned a future they would have shared, as a family. He was so disappointed at the way things had gone that he didn’t even know what to do now. 

And the most selfish parts of him wished that he had accepted Jaehyun’s offer to come home with him. He wished they had fled together. In Yuta’s very unrealistic imagination, Jaehyun would be there with him now, arms holding tight around him, ghosting over his stomach, and leaving kisses against his skin. The young alpha’s presence lingered all over the entire place.

 _I know better now,_ Yuta thought to himself. They couldn’t be together that way until things changed for good—until Jaehyun realized that he had taken Yuta’s love and patience with him for granted. 

Yuta should’ve known Jaehyun would break his heart since all the signs had been there from their very beginning, but he figured that their chemistry and their nearly overpowering pull towards each other had swayed him to believe that they could be something real. He regretted that the younger man could still hold power over him like this, deep down inside of him. 

He knew he’d have to work hard to fight the feelings he still had for Jaehyun, the residual emotions that were so hard for him to simply shake off. Feelings didn’t just shut off, they weren’t something so easily turned off. Which was one of the main reasons why he had been so confused by Jaehyun’s lack of them. 

Yuta made his first trip out of the house nearly a week later, to get groceries, and later on go to his first check-up, at the doctors, which he was dreading. It wasn’t exactly something that he could just ignore, though. 

He stopped in a café downtown first, ordering a small peppermint tea. 

Upon some silly mistake, Yuta had entered the very shop where he had once been with for a study date, over a year ago now, with Jaehyun. He sighed once he realized, fighting the urge to simply leave before he got his order. 

Yuta could still recall the memory of eating lunch in front of the alpha, being so nervous to do so, and the embarrassment when Jaehyun had watched him eat. That meeting had been one of the first times Jaehyun had been able to get under his skin with his casual yet effective compliments. 

He was so caught up in his thoughts, that he nearly missed them calling his name to come and get his order. 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


Yuta had underestimated how tough it was to juggle doing everything by himself. 

He’d been late to his doctor’s appointment, after the trip to the grocery store had taken longer than he’d planned and he’d gotten stuck in traffic, ending up making him look like even _more_ of a chaotic single parent than he already was. 

Yes, Yuta hadn’t missed the glance he’d gotten from his doctor, as she spotted his absent ring from where it used to be. There was even a tan line, showing he’d only taken it off recently. 

He could sense the doctor’s pity, and it made him even more vulnerable. She didn’t know his situation, but it just looked like his spouse had knocked him up and taken off without knowing.

Which—well, it was a bit more complicated than that. 

But, the good news was that the baby was healthy, and surprisingly so was he. Although she did advise him to avoid stressful situations since that was the most important thing as a carrier and didn’t want to risk raising his blood pressure or other complications. 

Yuta was now holding a small, somewhat blurry picture of an ultrasound.

“It looks like a tadpole,” Doyoung said, staring intently at the picture. Yuta offered it to him. 

“Thanks,” Yuta replied sarcastically. 

“Did you get to find out the gender yet?” 

“Mm. No, that’s not until much later. And I’m not sure if I’ll figure it out or wait until it’s time, I guess I’ll decide on the spot.” Yuta said, taking the picture back once Doyoung was done looking at it. 

They were sitting in Doyoung’s living room, some medical drama Doyoung had on was playing in the background on low volume. 

“That takes some patience that not many people have.” Doyoung pointed out. 

“I don’t know, gender isn’t the most important part to me, I just.. see them as my baby, a life I’m responsible for.” 

“I would’ve gone with you to your appointment if you didn’t want to be alone. And I can come to the next one if you want.” Doyoung offered. 

“Thanks, but I’m okay, I don’t mind doing it alone,” Yuta replied, his voice slightly shaky. 

“You shouldn’t have to be alone. If Jaehyun has just—“ 

Yuta’s face fell at the mention of his name, and Doyoung picked up on it right away. It was sort of embarrassing, how sensitive he was even just at the mention of him. 

He wondered if it was the same for Jaehyun. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned him,” Doyoung said darkly, “you shouldn't have to be reminded of him.” 

“It’s okay. I don’t mind.” Yuta said. It was inevitable that he’d hear it from time to time, and it was just something he needed to get used to. 

“No, no. He doesn’t need to be brought up. This is about _you_ and your baby now.” Doyoung said, reassuringly. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Yuta had been through break-ups before. But he had never been through a separation as painful as this one was. It was a different kind of pain. To be bonded to someone, but emotionally and physically cut off from them. Yuta had given his all—all that he had to give, and all it had done was get him a broken heart in return. 

Now, it was October. and Yuta hadn’t heard anything from him. Not that he was expecting to, or even dying to, no, not at all. And it wasn’t fair, because he had gotten his closure, or all the closure he believed that he needed to move on. 

Yuta still went to his college classes, using different large sweaters and coats to cover up his condition. But it was getting harder and harder to do so. He knew he’d have to ask if it was possible to switch to online school soon enough. 

Something uplifting about the breakup, if he tried to pick something positive out from it, was that he was able to create darker art. In all his angst and brooding, even the smallest bit of longing, Yuta was able to create more art thanks to the dark, and twisted inspiration it gave him. 

He had ripped out the last drawing he’d done of Jaehyun, the one with him sleeping. But he couldn’t bring himself to throw it away, after trying to once, and pulling it back out of the recycling. Instead, Yuta had layered a thin coat of red paint over it, and on some whim, he’d brought it in as one of his assignments. 

This only became a problem when his professor liked it so much that she wanted to showcase it for a non-profit art show that their class was meant to participate in. Yuta had been on the fence at first, but after her convincing, he had accepted. 

The thing was—Yuta didn’t want to go alone. Sure, he was fine with being independent. But this was one of those events where he’d rather have someone he knew by his side to avoid people coming up to him. It wasn’t that Yuta _hated_ strangers, he was just having a bit of a rough time and hated the idea of having to socialize so much. 

So first, Yuta texted Doyoung and asked if he could come along. Doyoung was busy, so Yuta was trying to convince his sister to come, but then he received a text from Taeyong, saying Doyoung had told him about his situation and was offering to tag along with him. 

Yuta said yes. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


After the art show, which had been the slightest bit awkward after Taeyong had stared at Yuta’s work long enough and figured out who the slightly distorted face in the picture was. 

They had gone out for dinner afterward, both having avoided the strange appetizers that the art gallery had been serving. 

Taeyong had picked, since Yuta was far too indecisive, and he’d chosen some barbecue place. He was the one grilling the meat, also. Yuta had expressed his poor skills with cooking to his friend already.

“I think you did great making small talk with people, whenever they came up to you unprompted.” 

“Really?” Yuta asked, clearly hesitant at Taeyong’s compliment. 

“Yeah, you seemed professional too.” 

“Mm, not as professional as you pretending to care about people’s flower arrangements I’m sure.” 

Taeyong chuckled at that, and Yuta could feel his eyes watching the way Yuta was mushing his fork against his side dishes instead of trying them. 

“Hey, don’t take your feelings out on the food now,” Taeyong said, clearly light-hearted. 

Yuta rolled his eyes, ignoring the way his thoughts were still getting the best of him despite him trying to stay distracted. 

It seemed to be easier to be angry, like he had been the previous week, than sad like he was now. It was all-consuming. 

“I know… you and I are much newer friends than Doyoung and you, but you can always lean on me for any advice you have too, I don’t mind,” Taeyong spoke suddenly, which caught Yuta slightly off guard. 

“Thank you. You are already doing a lot for me, even if I don’t say it. Let’s keep being friends the way we are now.” Yuta replied, offering a tiny smile. 

He put the fork down, deciding to leave his food alone for now. 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Yuta was feeling well, for once. Even as he walked into his large, empty home. He made sure to lock the door after he came in, then proceeded to walk back upstairs to take a shower. 

Taeyong was truly a devoted friend. Despite their awkward encounters, (mostly thanks to Yuta’s loneliness,) he was still there for Yuta. And it made Yuta feel special, to have such a genuine person looking out for him. 

Yuta shed his semi-fancy clothing, stepping into the shower. He scrubbed his skin, glad to have gotten through the day, and finally was able to put the whole art gallery thing behind him. He was unsure of how he felt about having such a vulnerable piece out there, but it wasn’t like it was anywhere big or that important. Yuta knew it was very unlikely that the person it was _based_ on would ever know.

He changed into comfortable clothing once out of the shower and took the time to put some nice oil in his hair, trying to take better care of it since it had strangely grown thinner during the first term of the pregnancy when Yuta had always been prone to having thick and luscious hair. 

Yuta got into bed, in the guest room of course, and went to check his phone which was plugged into the outlet behind the nightstand. 

It was late, and there was surely no way he would have any missed call—

His temporary high of joy plummeted then after checking it, regretting even looking in the first place. 

_Oh,_ Yuta thought, with his eyes fixated on the screen in front of him. 

He could see there was in fact, one missed call. From Jaehyun. It had been exactly two hours since he’d called, Yuta noticed, as he read the time next to the call information.

That this was the way their relationship was now, all that was left of them, a missed call a month later, much past the time that Yuta had been waiting for it. 

Still, Yuta found himself calling back. He had little hope that he would get an answer, but then, on the fourth or third ring, it stopped. 

Even though it had been absolute radio silence, ever since that moment with them at the taxi, Yuta couldn’t just block him out entirely, and he also couldn’t blame Jaehyun, since he knew how unsure things seemed and was certain that he didn’t know what to say now. But part of him truly hoped that Jaehyun had taken his time to think about everything Yuta had been able to express in their last moments. 

“Hello,” Jaehyun said, speaking first, “I called earlier and I couldn’t get a hold of you.” 

“Yeah, I was out. Had to do something for school.” Yuta replied, suddenly feeling the need to lay down after hearing Jaehyun’s voice. 

_It still took hold of him, twisting his gut and leaving a funny feeling in his throat._

“Right, of course. That’s important stuff.” Jaehyun replied. He sounded exhausted and much more reserved than the last time they had talked. 

“Sorry, I probably called back too late—“ 

“No, it’s okay. I wanted to call.” 

His word’s surprised Yuta, as he hadn’t prepared himself for Jaehyun wanting to do anything but check on him, in particular his way of asking every other question except for ‘how are you.’

“Oh, I see,” Yuta mumbled. There was still a strong sense of fluttering going on in his stomach, as he continued to focus on the sound of Jaehyun’s voice—even his breathing. 

“Are you still as busy as when I left?” 

Yuta figured he had a right to know since his school was part of the reason for what had cost them their relationship. 

“Pretty much, yes,” Jaehyun said. The slight tone of sternness in his voice made Yuta feel strange. 

“I wanted to talk about the future since we didn’t get the chance to before you left. Which I understand why you did, now.” 

“I’m glad you do.” Yuta rushed to say, feeling his back hit the headboard. He didn’t even realize he had been moving on the bed. 

“It took me a while to realize it though, probably too long. I know that what I did is irreversible—I shouldn’t say this on the phone, but what other option do I have now,” Jaehyun went silent again for a second, “I just wanted to call and discuss something with you, that’s all.” 

“You can say whatever you want, Jaehyun. There’s no point in holding anything back.” 

Yuta had been fighting for them for a long time, while Jaehyun had already given up, so Yuta knew that whatever he had to say, he couldn’t prepare himself for. He just figured it was better to air it, as there wasn’t anything left for them to destroy or change now. 

“Well, I don’t… I don’t want to be absent. For my child, I want to be there.” 

“Our child.” Yuta corrected, not letting the younger man get away with that one. 

“Right, yes. I’m sorry, I phrased that incorrectly.” 

“And I’m sure that this is awful for you—but I just.. I wanted to say that I don’t want to miss out on everything. And I want our.. our child to know both of their parents.” 

Jaehyun’s words made his throat tighten, and Yuta felt his hand shaking, and he tried to relax, reaching up to hold his wrist and steady it. 

Even though his eyes had already been opened, it still hurt him deep down to hear those words. He didn’t know what to think, or what it truly meant for the future. He didn’t want false hope or wasted time. 

“And how will that work?” Yuta replied, trying his best not to sound too harsh but failing. 

Even though they had already said their last goodbye, Yuta felt like this conversation was much different. They weren’t coming at it from a place as lovers, but future parents instead. At least, he knew he was. 

“I’ll use every break I have to come to visit if you are okay with it. And I’ll do my best to work hard and graduate soon as I can. I doubt I’ll even spend my summers here, I’ll most likely sell this place when the year ends and move into a seasonal dorm instead.” Jaehyun said. 

Yuta could tell he’d thought it over already, based on the way it was all planned out. That was at least a sign that it was on his mind, and that he hadn’t forgotten about things the way that Yuta sometimes had imagined the younger man had started a whole new life and planned to just leave their child as a secret in his past. 

“That would still be years gone, Jaehyun.” 

“I know, but I’m not sure what the alternative is.”

Yuta sighed, reaching up to run a hand through his wet hair. 

“Look, I’m not saying I don’t want you to be active in—in our child’s life, I’m just saying.. that being a parent takes a lot more than just visiting each chance you get. It’s a sacrifice that I’m not saying you need to make.” 

However, Yuta did have the fluttering thought that if the roles were reversed, he would try at every chance to be able to see his child. 

“It’ll be okay, Jaehyun. They’ll know who both of their parents are. I’m just saying it will take a lot of effort.” Yuta replied strongly. 

“You’re right, I know it will take more than what I’m offering,” Jaehyun spoke, his voice had turned hoarse and quiet. 

“I should... let you go, then. Thank you for calling me back. I hope you are okay.” 

Yuta felt guilt then, as he pulled his phone away from his ear to collect his breath. 

“Yeah. Goodbye, Jaehyun.” 

“Wait—“ Jaehyun said, awfully pleadingly. 

Yuta grew quiet, allowing the man another moment to speak.

“Even if you and I never get back to the way we used to be, I still want us to be friends in the future. At least. I will understand if you don’t want that, but—just know that I’m open to it. That’s all.” 

“I still need time to think about that. But thank you, for offering.” Yuta replied. 

He couldn’t take the silence after, so he hung up. Now, only the sound of his breathing filled the quiet room. 

It was an odd thing to hear, from the man that he had ended his romantic relationship with not too long ago, asking him to consider having a friendship again. He couldn’t envision that, with how he was feeling at the moment, nor could he understand how the alpha could. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Yuta couldn’t seem to find any peace of mind. He was constantly working on projects for school, and when he wasn’t doing that, he was trying to figure out what the hell he wanted to do with his current living situation.

Doyoung visited frequently, and one evening, Yuta had ended up convincing him to pose in order so that he could use him as a face study. He had promised to pay him with meals (takeout, obviously) for at least a week. 

“It’s hard to stay sitting up straight,” Doyoung complained. 

“Do you want a different chair?” Yuta asked, looking up again from his sketch pad. 

“No,” Doyoung said. 

“Stubborn.” 

The beta grinned and nodded at that. 

“Did you set up this room yourself?” Doyoung asked, referring to the art room. 

Yuta nibbled on his lower lip, as he finished sketching a tracing line while he tried to find a way to answer. 

“No. It was something Jaehyun did for me.” He replied eventually. 

“Oh,” Doyoung said, clearly unsure of what to say. 

Yuta had gotten better at saying his name. At least, he was on the way to acceptance. He knew there was little choice, especially since now Jaehyun was expressing a certain desire to participate in the life of their child—Yuta knew that if he followed through with at least that, they would be seeing each other. Of course, it hadn’t been out of his mind, he just hadn’t had the time to quite process that fact while trying to balance everything else. 

“I hope he kicks himself daily for what he ruined,” Doyoung added, and Yuta smiled, laughing lightly at his best friend’s passion for him. 

“Thank you.” 

“Do you need a drink? I completely forgot to ask.” Yuta said then, after realizing he’d been a bad host. 

“I’m okay right now, don’t worry,” Doyoung said, waving his hand at Yuta, to dismiss the offer. 

Yuta was torn away from both his drawing and his conversation with his best friend by the sound of the doorbell ringing through the house. 

“Were you expecting anyone?” Doyoung asked, still clearly trying to get comfortable on the stool he was settled on.

“No, I’m not,” Yuta said, his voice slightly tight, “it’s probably just a telemarketer.” 

He highly doubted that could be it since it was nearly 9 pm, but Yuta stood up anyways. He pulled down his sweatshirt and began to walk towards the door. 

“I’ll go get it.” 

There was no need for Yuta to announce he was coming to get the door, especially when another knock came quickly. He was slightly apprehensive now, but he still opened the door and peeked out. 

Paralyzed and surprised for a minute at who stood on his doorstep, he glanced at the older woman up and down, taking in her expensive appearance. 

“What are you doing here?” Yuta asked, holding no honorifics or respect towards Jaehyun’s mother after the way she’d treated him at his parent’s house. 

“You know, with the way you greeted me, no one would even guess you’re from a wealthy family.” She said, snickering slightly. 

She wore a white pantsuit, and her lips were brightly colored red. They stood out. Her hair was styled in such pin-tight curls that Yuta knew she must’ve just come from some expensive event. 

“Are you here for an important reason, or should I close this door again,” Yuta asked, in no mood at all to be berated like a misbehaving child. 

“Invite me in first, and then we’ll talk.” 

Yuta squinted his eyes at her, considering her offer. He decided that he would entertain her for a moment and since it was still technically _his_ home, he could kick her out when he pleased. 

“Not for long.” Yuta murmured, stepping aside. She brushed past him easily. 

She glanced around and seemed to grimace at the design of the house as if that would even offend him. Jaehyun had been the one who had decided most of the living room anyway. Yuta held back a laugh at her pettiness. 

“Are you enjoying the stay in this home that was only given to you because of your relation to my son?” 

“My _relation?_ Do you mean the wedding that you wanted to happen so badly? The union that you all worked for?” Yuta asked, gawking slightly.

“Mm. Don’t pretend like you don’t enjoy the extra money. I always saw the difference in how you looked at him compared to how he looked at you.” 

Yuta found it interesting that she was sort of giving him a backhanded compliment by trying to degrade him while also admitting she had seen her son had feelings for him. 

“Anyway. The reason I came here is that I know that you went to Jaehyun’s school, and disrupted his studies and working mindset to inform him of that burden of a child.” She announced like it was some terrible secret he hadn’t wanted to be aired. He wondered how someone could speak with so much venom in their voice. 

“He needed to know—“ 

“No. This was your responsibility and yours only, if you needed a way out so badly and didn’t want to spend your own fortune, I would’ve given you the money to get the _operation.”_ She hissed. 

Yuta stared at the woman in front of him, seeing the way her shoulders were filled with rage. He tried to take a deep breath. 

“But now… you’ve planted a seed in his head. He’s reconsidering his whole life path. Are you glad to have ruined a young man’s future with this? Do you feel pleased that your own selfish—“ 

“Get out. I don’t care what you have to say anymore.” Yuta said, instantly regretting even inviting her in. He had no idea why he had even entertained it. 

“No. You have turned my own son against me, and he even accused me of being a monster when I told him to I tried to have you dispose of it—“ 

Her confession made everything click for him, and Yuta stepped closer, letting out a fake laugh under his breath. 

“That’s what this is really about, isn’t it? You’re upset that he isn’t on your side. Let me tell you something. He isn’t mine, and he isn't yours. Go to therapy, I can see you have a lot of issues.” Yuta snapped and started to turn to walk away from her. 

But, his words had been the last straw for her, as she reached for him, gripping his shoulders. Before she could attempt to shake him, or do anything else, she was pulled off him by another person. 

Doyoung had come out of the art room, perhaps when he’d heard the firsts of the shouting, and he immediately was there when she’d placed her hands on Yuta. 

He was grateful for his friend, as he had frozen at that moment, completely surprised and unsure of what to do. 

Yuta looked away, as Doyoung practically escorted her out the door, all the way to her car. She shouted all the way, screaming things about divorce, lawsuit, all of the above. The entire time Yuta was just focused on the tight feeling in his chest, as he reached down to clutch his stomach. 

-

  
  


It was after that cursed night that Yuta decided he would plan for a small trip away from home and college once fall break happened. He wouldn’t go anywhere big of course, as he didn’t have the time nor the energy for that, but he had finally decided that visiting his grandmother sounded like the ideal plan. 

He had barely taken the time to tell his friends of his plans, even when he had the chance. It wasn’t until a couple of days before that he told them he’d be leaving for a bit.

Yuta just wanted to get away from everything in Seoul—he wanted to take a break where he could focus on himself without having to stay in a big, empty house by himself. He also knew that his grandmother would be much more accepting of him than his mother if he tried to stay with his parents. 

His mother had been furious about his plans, which he found strange since she had been in on the plan to send him there previously, but of course, those circumstances had been different. 

_“It isn’t any of your business. I only told you in case you came looking for me.”_

_“How long do you plan on going? Are you simply going to abandon your life here? What if Jaehyun makes a return, and can’t find you—“_

_“Mother. We are separated.” He said, softly._

_“Don’t use that word with me.”_

_“Your father won’t like this.” She continued to rant, still upset._

_“I won’t be gone forever,” Yuta argued._

_“A week could turn into a month. And a month could turn into a year.” She replied._

  
  


Yuta disregarded her harsh words. He had needed a change of scenery, a place to get away from all the bad memories of when everything had fallen apart. 

Back to where everything had started. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  
  


The smell of fresh, clean air was something Yuta could get used to. 

He was sitting on the outdoor seating area of the guest house on his Grandmother’s large property. Yuta sat with his legs crossed, and his tea—no caffeine—that he’d traded out to cope with the loss of coffee after he’d discovered it wasn’t the best to consume during pregnancy, and staring out at the beautiful scenery in front of him. 

There was something so beautifully bittersweet about late fall weather that he adored. Some may think it was far too cold to sit out in, but with a couple of layers, including a sweater and a cardigan _and_ a coat, as well as wool socks, it was perfectly fine. 

Yuta had left for Japan a week after his birthday. It had simply felt right—to run away from everything that felt painful, to ignore all the problems he was having with his living situation and his family. He didn’t have any place to permanently stay in Seoul anyway, so he knew it made zero sense to stay. 

About a week ago, Jaehyun and he had finally come to an agreement about the house and it was now back on the selling market.

Yuta hadn’t bothered to tell him about where he was staying, deciding there was no point unless Jaehyun tried to ask him directly. It wasn’t really any of his business anymore. 

He was still unsure of where he’d live next. He knew he wanted his own place again, but with enough space, a second bedroom obviously for his child. 

Yuta had only packed enough luggage for about two weeks. He had also luckily packed his laptop, which meant he’d be able to do some things for school completely online. 

His grandmother had been angry at first. 

Mostly, that he hadn’t told her of his marriage and pregnancy problems sooner, but also that he’d been careless enough to have it happen in the first place. He’d found her worry and concern comforting, a stark contrast from his mother’s overbearing glee that their family line would be continuing, with no worry at her son’s mental health or how it would take a toll on him at all. 

The change of setting was helping him heal, he knew it. Even though he was staying in the guest house that had plenty of old, semi-sweet memories of Jaehyun and him, mostly from the time when everything was tense and fresh with their romantic relationship, which had barely started back then, it had been remodeled slightly since then, and it still felt more like a home than the large, empty house back in Seoul did. 

Since he was alone on this trip as well, it brought him back to when he used to visit his grandmother as a child, while his older sister got sent off to camp and his youngest sister was busy with the nanny. 

“No mochi for dessert. Have some fruit instead.” His grandmother scolded him when she caught him sneaking around in the main house after dinner. 

“I’m not in the mood for that,” Yuta replied. 

Even though she was shorter and arguably had slower reflexes, she was still able to snatch both the spoon and mochi away. 

“You had some earlier too. The baby needs vitamins.” 

“Gosh, why did I get stuck with the grandmother who used to be a health nutritionist?” He whined. 

She chuckled, ignoring him. 

There had been many times where she’d scolded his choices while carrying. She had disapproved entirely of his trip to Oxford, and even more so that he’d traveled _again_ , this time alone to Japan. He reassured her he was fine and healthy. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


His mother had been right. A month passed. 

Yuta had been unable to keep up with two of the classes on his schedule out of the four he had been taking, and had dropped them both as a result. They were classes that involved being in person and using canvases and sketch pads. Both of the classes that he kept could be done directly online. 

He didn’t mind much, since he was showing much more by now and he would be doing online classes at home anyway. 

November was passing by steadily, but Yuta knew it was also since he slept in much later than he used to, due to the morning sickness keeping him in bed. His daily routine had changed much as his pregnancy went on. 

He had just finished walking around the large gardens, where the majority of the plants and flowers had already withered away when he was called in by the maid for dinner. 

“You went for another walk?” He heard his grandmother call, as he entered the dining room. 

Yuta nodded, settling down onto the cushion across from her. He pulled his turtleneck up higher on his neck and adjusted the cuffs of his pant legs, which seemed to be far too loose around his ankles yet he knew fit well around his hips. 

“You’ve always loved fall weather.” She added. 

“It’s my favorite season. And summer too, sometimes, but not this year.” Yuta said, chuckling. 

They ate in silence for a bit, Yuta earning a few glares from his grandmother as she watched him pick cucumbers and onions out of his salad. The baby didn’t seem to agree with those foods, although he had been fine eating them before. 

“Yuta, you know I have no problem with you staying here with me, I prefer you to be here than alone or with your parents, but… I do wonder.. do you miss anything back in Seoul?” She asked, clearly out of genuine curiosity. 

He sighed, thinking about it now. 

There was more of a nostalgia for that part of his life that he knew he couldn’t get back to, and of course, he also missed his friends—but more than anything he missed having that true independence and freedom. 

So, Yuta managed to force a smile, and answer, “not really.” 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Christmas decorations were already being sold in stores now. 

Yuta had done most of his afternoon shopping while on the phone with Doyoung, listening to him talk about his most recent terrible dating app date he’d gone on, and Yuta once again stating that it had been funny at first, but it was probably time to let it go. 

“Now,” Yuta said, picking up a book off one of the shelves, “should I buy a parenting guide book?” 

Doyoung gawked, and Yuta could picture his face over the phone. 

“Nakamoto Yuta, are you in the self-help aisle?” 

“Maybe. Although it’s somewhat comedic this is where the parenting books are.” 

“I mean, where else would they go,” Doyoung said, only partially sarcastic. Yuta could tell. 

Yuta held the phone between his shoulder and chin as he flipped through the pages with some haste. Eventually, he landed on one of the parts that talked about choosing names. 

_Always consult your partner—and don’t make a name choice without them if they are present in your life._

Yuta grimaced, as he was unable to stop himself from the realization that he didn’t even know if Jaehyun would be there in time to choose. He also didn’t want to ask him over the phone. 

How come there wasn’t some kind of guide that catered to _single_ parents? 

“If you’re busy reading I can let you go.” 

“Oh. Right, sorry. I zoned out for a second.” 

“It’s no worry. Taeyong is coming over soon to help me set up the Christmas tree I ordered anyway.” 

Yuta smiled softly, and part of his heart ached and wished he could be there. 

After Doyoung and he said their goodbyes, he continued to take the book around the rest of the store with him. He snorted at some of the suggested names, which were terribly bourgeois sounding, and seemed to be ones his mother would offer him. 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


3 days before Christmas, his grandmother had sent him out to get a very specific and vast list of groceries, where he had ended up going to four different stores to collect all that she needed. She had originally been planning on having the maid do it all, but Yuta had been the one to convince her to let the woman go for the holidays so that she could be with her family on paid leave. 

His feet and oddly enough his _armpits_ were aching by the end of it, and it was already dark out when he started his drive back home. There was light snow, which meant he had to use the windshield wipers and drive cautiously, but he made it back to her estate alright. 

He brushed off his boots once inside, hands full with bags of groceries. His grandmother rushed into the mudroom suddenly, and Yuta shot her a puzzled glance, as he settled down on the bench to untie his shoes. 

“Yuta, dear, you shouldn’t take all these inside by yourself. And come to the kitchen, there’s a package for you.” She said, clearly as an order. 

“What—“ Yuta tried, but she was already out the door. He sighed, exasperated, and picked up two of the grocery bags. He followed her into the kitchen. 

In the kitchen, directly on the counter, there was a small parcel waiting for him. Yuta stared at it in confusion, unsure of who could have sent it. He figured his friends might’ve sent something, knowing he wouldn’t be home by Christmas. 

“Well?” His grandma said, glancing at him expectantly. 

Yuta bit his lip, his hand hovering over the package. He decided to wait only made it worse and began to unwrap it, careful not to tear any of the paper as he did. 

There, he revealed a nicely, hand-made looking mug. Along with an assortment of expensive tea, and a couple naturally scented candles. Yuta’s confusion grew stronger, as he realized this could _not_ be a gift from Taeyong or Doyoung. It wasn’t corny enough to have been sent by either of them. The gifts were too specific to his taste, intimately things that he knew only one person could have known he had a special inkling for. 

He lifted the small-knitted mug cozy, which had been tucked inside, and upon bringing it up, he smelled a strong scent along with it. 

_Peppermint, and notes of lemon balm. Sweet and warm, unlike the unappealing scent of many other alphas._

It was Jaehyun’s scent, no doubt about it, and Yuta had to fight his instincts as he could swear that with the mug cozy out of the package, the scent had become much stronger, practically enveloping him and all his other thoughts. 

Yuta checked out the mug again, reading small carved letters at the bottom of it, which read his initials. He was stunned, to say the very least. And upon further inspection of the teas, they were all caffeine-free and mostly fruit and plant-based, which carried lots of good vitamins.

“Any idea who that’s from?” His grandmother asked finally, after minutes of silence now. 

He glanced over at her, seeing she was busy with putting the two used plates from their lunch earlier in the dishwasher. 

It was extremely in-character of Jaehyun, as well, to not include a card or even a return address. Yuta did wonder who had told him of his whereabouts at his grandmother’s, but he was certain there could only be one answer— 

His mother. The meddler that she was deep down, he knew that all Jaehyun had to do was ask her, and she had probably told him right away. 

“Sort of,” Yuta answered. 

She nodded, and Yuta looked at her with no hidden confusion, as his curiosity at her near smug expression grew stronger. 

“You have an appointment tomorrow, right?” 

“I do. It’s early in the morning too.” Yuta yawned as he mentioned it, glancing over at the kitchen stove which showed it was already 9 pm. Driving around all day had taken a lot out of him. 

“Are you enjoying my doctor?” 

“I’m thankful she’s seeing me. But I do feel bad for practically pawning off you. I should go back home soon, and see my own doctor.” He replied, shrugging a bit. 

It was warm in the house, and his nostrils were still searching for Jaehyun’s scent after getting a hint of it. He removed his scarf, glancing down at the mug again. 

The gifts were beautiful and thoughtful, but he couldn’t help but wonder why Jaehyun still felt obligated to send him presents. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Falling out of love was not as easy as it seemed. 

Yuta often found himself curled up with his phone in bed, scrolling through old pictures, even taking a peek at the unopened wedding photos in his email—which he had avoided due to the sheer cringe of them, but now evoked many strong emotions from him. 

They looked uncomfortably regal, yet the sight of Jaehyun’s hand settled tight around his waist, and his hand placed rather possessively over the taller man’s chest, brought back the old flame of longing and desire that he had felt for him on that very night. 

He was alone with his thoughts, of course, so he felt comfortable enough being vulnerable about how painful it was, truthfully

The photos felt like proof that it wasn’t all some whirlwind dream and that everything had fallen into place the way it had for a reason. These were tough lessons to learn. 

Jaehyun had such an honest looking smile on his face, that Yuta couldn’t understand how it could’ve all been lies. He knew there had to be some truth to what they had shared, despite him denying it a couple of months ago. 

He’d fall asleep with his phone in hand, far too late into the night to be healthy, and after a few days of repeating this, Yuta decided it was time for him to search for apartments online. If he focused on some kind of change, rather than the past, he felt as if he’d be able to make a difference. 

Yuta was already on his way to new beginnings, and the trip to his grandmother’s had only helped him get there. 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


The new year brought more hope for a better start for Yuta. 

It had taken him quite a while to find a new place, and finally, he had settled on an apartment in Seoul that was in a neighborhood near the edge of the city. There was a nice view, and two bedrooms, but part of Yuta somehow felt guilty about raising his child in a city. He wasn’t even sure where the guilt came from; most likely from his parents choosing to raise him and his siblings on a giant manor in the countryside, but deep down, Yuta knew that despite all the space to roam, the lack of love in his household had been what hadn’t made it feel like a home. He was motivated to create a healthy environment for his child, with what budget he had. 

Yuta had detached himself from the unnecessary money his parents had set aside for him. He didn’t have much use for their money, and he told them to figure out what to do with it instead, even recommending a couple of charities they could donate it to. This infuriated both of them, but Yuta had no real use for their excessive wealth. He was perfectly fine living on a wage that was survivable for him and the life growing inside of him. 

The apartment was decorated with most of the furniture he’d kept in storage, Yuta had gotten a new bookshelf—which was where he kept the assortment of candles from Jaehyun, and the dumb parenting guide book he’d ended up purchasing at the store back in Japan, as well as a couple of other trinkets from the past. He thought they were all nice reminders to keep around. 

Yuta spent a lot of his time working on projects for school since he’d be finished with his semester by the end of the spring with how fast-paced the two classes had been. On most of his down-time, he was either drowning himself in fiction novels. He disliked watching romance movies the way he used to occasionally, they were far too happy and predictable for him, while he was sad and preferred to just wallow in it. They also made him miss being ‘ _in love’_ quite a lot. 

If only his heart would just mend itself, then Yuta felt like he’d be perfectly content. 

In other news, he had finally accepted Doyoung’s offer to come along with him to his appointments. 

They were currently sitting in the waiting room, Yuta with his leg bouncing slightly, oddly anxious since this was the appointment where he’d be given the option of finding out the gender. He still hadn’t decided if he wanted to find out on the spot or wait. 

In the back of his head, there was a nagging reminder—as he glanced around the room at the other pregnant couples, who already had one child at their feet or playing with some of the toys scattered around the room, that he should be there with the father of his baby. He kept the thought suppressed as he could, since he was still thankful that he had a great friend beside him, there to support him through everything. 

“Thank you for coming along even though you didn’t have to,” Yuta spoke suddenly, adjusting his jean jacket a bit, which in no means covered up his bump, but there was truly no point anymore, he was _showing_ fully. 

“Of course! It’s no problem.” Doyoung smiled. Yuta tried not to laugh as Doyoung awkwardly waved at one of the children playing and they didn’t wave back. 

“You’ll be a great uncle.” 

“An _uncle_?” Doyoung repeated. 

“Yes. Uncle Doyoung.” Yuta said, grinning. 

There were another 15 minutes of waiting, and then finally he got called forward for his turn, and Doyoung tagged along with him. Yuta could tell the nurse was a bit surprised, as Yuta had visited multiple times before and each time he had been all alone. 

  
  
  


-

  
  


Yuta was unsure of how to feel about how much bigger the baby had grown now, when the first image of the ultrasound had appeared on screen, Yuta had nearly shrieked, assuming it was twins, but his doctor had assured him that was _not_ the case—he was simply carrying a healthy baby. 

He still could recall the strange, horrifying dream he’d had ages ago where he’d been pregnant with twins with his working husband Jaehyun clinging gleefully to his side. He could see that wasn’t the case at all now and was quite glad the dream hadn’t been some kind of premonition or something. 

Doyoung had stood loyally by his side, looking away to have a laugh to himself when Yuta had cringed at the cold sensation of the gel. 

Yuta had made the choice at that time to keep the gender unknown, deciding on the spot that he’d rather find out after. But now, he had a due date set for May 24th. It was both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. 

There were so many special moments that he had experienced over the past few months, which had made him all the more excited to meet his child. However, most were ones that Yuta didn’t feel like sharing with his friends. Such as the first time he felt the child kick, or all the weird foods that made him nauseous, or how the baby had decided that being nocturnal was the way to go as soon as he’d entered his second trimester. 

Yuta knew exactly who he wanted to share those things with, but he couldn’t. 

Every night that Jaehyun didn’t call, Yuta felt his hope fade more and more. He occasionally would check in over text, but it wasn’t the same. Yuta didn’t blame him and tried not to hold any grudges, but it was kind of hard. He didn’t know how to simply let go of things despite him being the one to cut things off. 

And it didn’t help that Yuta was also dealing with the stress of preparing how to become a father. He didn’t exactly have time to throw himself entirely into the task of parenthood while also balancing heartbreak and such huge life changes, but he tried anyway. 

So, on a Saturday Yuta took on the entire task of painting the nursery a light blue color, which was a nice change from the overbearing yellow it had been before. 

Taeyong had been the one to help him finish building a crib, which _had_ been paid for by Jaehyun—yes, he was still offering to pay for things, and this time Yuta felt obligated to accept his pity. 

Afterward, the pair of them settled down on the nursery floor with sodas in hand, as Yuta picked through some new magazines with baby clothing he’d gotten earlier. 

“Have you gotten any books for them yet?” Taeyong asked out of the blue. 

“No. They won’t exactly be reading anytime soon.” Yuta said, jokingly. 

“You should read to them while they’re in the womb actually, it helps them get used to your voice,” Taeyong said, all while smiling. 

Yuta flicked his eyes up at the alpha, pursing his lips. 

“I suppose they’ll recognize Doyoung and your voice more than mine.” 

Taeyong shook his head, reaching for a couple of the paint swatches that Yuta had already discarded. 

“That’s not true. You still have time to read to them.” 

Yuta couldn’t deny that Taeyong’s comment had got him thinking, and after that evening, he had indeed ordered a bunch of children’s stories, and taken to talking to himself out loud more, just in the hope that his child would be able to recognize his voice over everyone else’s. 

However, as he laid in bed at night, he was met with the striking realization that the baby would have little to no idea what their other father sounded like, and it made him feel so heart-broken. In a way that made him wish he didn’t. 

Life carried on, Yuta’s heart went on beating, despite the tears that filled his eyes at night. 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


May was hot and humid. Yuta didn’t want to do anything except sit inside, preferably with a fan pointed directly at him, cooling off his burning hot skin. 

He had gone out earlier, despite the heat in the air, to get groceries, yet it seemed to be a mistake. He felt the strain in his ankles and regretted it tremendously. There was also a strange, sharp pain aimed at his side and he reminded himself to tell his doctor about it during his next appointment. Along with the dull and constant ache in his lower back, as it got closer to the due date, he got more and more impatient to get it over with already. 

He closed his eyes, leaning back against the couch since he was currently on the floor. In the distance, he thought he could hear the sound of ringing, and in his confusion, it seemed to get louder. 

Then, Yuta was certain he wasn’t just hearing things. He slowly stood up, reaching for his lower back as he did. Yuta walked to the bedroom, where he had left his phone plugged in. 

His head spun, as he realized who was calling. 

_Jaehyun._

It had nearly been a month since one of their brief phone calls, and Yuta hesitated. He had gotten better at avoiding Jaehyun just as much as the younger man seemed to avoid talking to him like adults do—yet today felt different. 

“Hello?” Yuta asked, holding the phone close to his ear. 

“Yuta,” Jaehyun breathed out, “hey.” 

“Hello,” Yuta repeated, unsure why Jaehyun sounded so strained. 

“I was just—I was going for a run. And... I felt like calling you.” 

Yuta tried not to laugh at the absurdity, because of course, this was the way he’d hear from him after almost a month. 

“What, you remembered me?” Yuta asked, only the slightest bit of bitterness in his tone. 

Yuta couldn’t do anything without the younger man crossing his mind, and had to actively work to keep him out of his thoughts, so he didn’t exactly understand why Jaehyun thought he’d find it fond or perhaps even sweet that he’d randomly decided to call him out of the blue. 

“I always remember you,” Jaehyun replied, after about a minute or two. 

“Mm,” Yuta replied, dismissively. 

“If you called to check-in, the baby is doing fine—“ Yuta reached for his stomach, feeling a strange lurch and almost cramp-like sensation, “and so am I.” 

“I’m sorry. I know it must seem like I give you mixed signals—saying I want to be friends one day and then being.. distant. But it’s not my intention, Yuta.” Jaehyun spoke softly. 

“I know. You’re busy.. but that’s the reason that.. we are meant to be separated.” Yuta said, speaking clearly despite the strange pain in his body that was coming in waves. 

_I can’t take you calling me when you feel like it and making my head all scrambled again when I hear your voice—_ Yuta wanted to say, but he couldn’t. 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Jaehyun said then, and the omega felt worse hearing those words somehow. They did nothing to help how he felt. 

“We’ve been through this already,” Yuta said, the words coming out harsher than he’d meant.

Jaehyun didn’t say anything, and that was it for Yuta. 

“Please, I’m exhausted, I don’t feel prepared enough, I’m sad—and I can’t handle hearing your voice once every month. It makes me miss you, and I can’t miss you anymore. I already do that enough. The whole point of us parting was that we’d both focus on ourselves and, I can’t do that with you calling me.” Yuta felt his eyes water as he spoke, and he knew it was mostly the hormones and the fact that he’d been holding this in for months now. 

“Yuta,” Jaehyun said, voice strangely stern. 

“Yes?” 

“I’m... coming back to Seoul for the summer.” 

Yuta felt a sharp sting and pressure in his lower abdomen, and before he knew it was too late. The phone dropped to the floor, and he gripped the blanket. 

He couldn’t quite focus on anything due to the overwhelming pain, but he could make out Jaehyun’s voice in the distance as he groaned, trying to get a hold of the phone. It didn’t feel right, and he knew it was too early to be going into labor. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


For about two days after the birth, Yuta did nothing but sleep. 

He’d wake up occasionally, to ask the nurses how the baby was doing, and then he’d fall back to sleep, far too exhausted to do anything else. 

Yuta was wracked with guilt; after the doctor had looked at his informational chart they’d gotten from his personal physician told him he’d most likely gone into premature labor due to his genetics—both he and his siblings had all been premature children, but he still felt like it was all his fault, even though the doctor assured him that premature births were also quite common in male omegas. There was also his fear that he had been too stressed out whilst carrying and hadn’t taken enough time to relax. He wouldn't place any blame on anyone but himself. 

Doyoung was the one who had told him the gender of his child when he’d woken up for the first time—a baby girl. 

That had been the last time Yuta had smiled, upon hearing he’d given birth to a girl, who was healthy otherwise being born a couple of days earlier than she’d been meant to. She was currently being held in an incubator located in the NICU, and Yuta had only been able to hold her for a few minutes before she had been taken away again. 

He was also ashamed and angry at the fact that he’d gone into labor in the middle of a very important discussion with Jaehyun—that and the foolish trip to the grocery store, of course, these were all factors that he couldn’t change now, but that didn’t mean that Yuta wasn’t wallowing in his thoughts, all alone in his hospital room. 

But one overwhelming feeling was that he couldn’t wait to name his daughter and to hold her again. That was the main thing that was bringing him joy, the one moment he was already holding on to. 

“Hey.” A voice called from across the hospital room, and Yuta slowly turned his head to see his best friend standing before him. 

He reached a hand out weakly as Doyoung walked towards him, grasping for it. The beta immediately intertwined their hands. 

Doyoung then pulled an already near chair over, settling down in it. 

“What time is it?” Yuta asked, somewhat groggily. 

“Around 2:30 pm,” Doyoung answered quickly. 

“How are you feeling today?” 

“Better. I feel like I can stay awake finally.” 

Doyoung let go of his hand to get him some water, returning with a plastic cup and swiftly handing it to Yuta. 

“Thanks.” 

Yuta desperately wanted to ask how his daughter was, which seemed to be the only question he knew how to ask now, but he knew it was most likely not information Doyoung had. 

“I bet I look like a mess,” Yuta said, chuckling after. He didn’t enjoy the strange and somewhat vulnerable feeling of being in a hospital bed. 

“Don’t be hard on yourself, the doctors said you did well given the complications.” 

Yuta didn’t answer, and instead glanced out where he could see half of the courtyard and the hospital parking lot from the window. 

_It was his fault there had been complications._

“So, have you thought of a name?” Doyoung asked slowly. 

“I have. But, I feel strange naming her all by myself.” Yuta confessed. 

“Well, she is yours,” Doyoung said. Yuta could tell he looked slightly conflicted as he spoke. 

Doyoung looked around nervously once more, and then finally he met Yuta’s eyes again. 

“Yuta... I should tell you. When.. everything happened, I got a call from Jaehyun. He said you were on the phone and then you cried out in pain and he couldn’t get an answer from you. I didn’t know what else to do but tell him the truth.. and—he said he was already on the way.” 

The news made his neck tense up slightly, and he went quiet. Yuta had been shocked enough when Jaehyun had revealed that he’d be returning for the summer, and now part of him was wondering why two days had passed now with no sight of him. 

“When did that call happen?” 

“The day of.” 

“Oh.” Yuta murmured, turning his head away. 

“I’m sorry, Yuta. He told me he was coming, but—I didn’t know if you wanted him here anyway. And now... I don’t.. well I don’t know where he is.” Doyoung said, clearly sympathetic. 

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” 

Yuta knew deep down it wasn’t. It hurt like hell. 

On the third day of his stay there, they were able to move the incubator into the same room as him. Yuta was nearly overwhelmed with joy, as he’d been separated from his child for far too long now. 

He had been able to hold her, with the doctor in the room and permission of course, but only for a few minutes as it was important for the child to stay as warm as possible. 

There had also been a visit from his mother that day, whom he’d kept a safe distance from. Yuta noticed that there wasn’t exactly joy in her face, but rather something akin to satisfaction. That there was now an _heir._

_“Too bad you don’t have your alpha here with you.” She said, almost mournfully. There was little pity for her son, but rather seemingly for his torn marriage._

_“Mother, I’ve been through an ordeal the past few days, my child is currently in an incubator, and that’s the last thing I need to hear right now.”_

Her harsh words had caused Yuta to ask her to leave early. She stormed out dramatically, but Yuta couldn’t find it in himself to give a damn. 

Yuta kept the lights dim in his room and made sure to partake in quiet activities, which meant reading the books that Doyoung had brought him and keeping the television and radio sounds off. 

He found out from the doctor that it would be around 2 to 3 weeks before he and his child could safely leave the hospital, which was somewhat saddening news, but Yuta knew it was what was for the best. 

Once the joy of knowing his child was alive and mostly well, despite the premature birth had settled in, Yuta grew fearful and paranoid of life outside of the hospital, where he couldn’t just ask nurses and doctors questions whenever he grew worried. 

He feared fatherhood, and how he would deal with it all by himself. Yuta hadn’t grown up with the best dad, or even parents, so he was worried he’d end up emotionally detached the same way they were. Yuta despised his mind for those very thoughts. 

But then again, was there truly any omega or being out there who had been entirely prepared for a child? If so, Yuta envied them greatly. 

Yuta had thrown his legs over the side of the bed and was currently allowing the baby to hold onto his finger through one of the small holes through the incubator, which was a gentle touch that his doctor had already told him would be good for the child to have. 

It was late into the evening, and Yuta was mostly tired. He yawned, shaking his head as he tried to ignore the sleep that was calling him. 

Just then, a knock came to the door. He was certain it was one of the nurses. 

“Come in,” Yuta called. 

The door opened in a second, bringing more light into the room than Yuta was used to. 

“Mr. Nakamoto, there’s a guest here to see you.” 

Yuta grew confused, as it was nearing the time when visiting hours were over, and he had already had two guests today which was most definitely enough. 

The confusion was met with a tall figure stepping into the room, past the nurse, right where Yuta could see him. 

_Jaehyun._

Yuta’s blood ran cold at the appearance of the alpha, and he slowly removed his finger from the incubator. It was a strangely protective feeling that he felt all of a sudden, unsure of where it was coming from since he knew it was Jaehyun, but there hadn’t been an alpha in his room at all. The scent was familiar, yet it still made Yuta glare at the tall man standing before him—as if he was some stranger. 

_For god’s sake,_ Yuta thought, _it’s the father of your child, not some mystery man._

Yet he still couldn’t shake the feeling. He felt as if he was stuck in a dream, unable to process for a second that this was his reality. 

Jaehyun looked like a wreck too. His hair was unkempt, looking like it hadn’t been brushed in at least two days, and he had giant bags under his eyes, along with unironed and seemingly baggy clothing. 

“He claims to be the other parent. Is this correct? Or should I—“ 

“That’s correct,” Yuta answered the nurse, who had clearly picked up on Yuta’s scent which he knew was probably strong enough for both of them to detect. 

The nurse left at that, gently closing the door behind her. 

Jaehyun took a weak step forward and then stopped. He looked as if he was about to fall onto the floor in front of Yuta. 

Yuta took in a deep breath, unmoving from his bed. 

“You showed up,” Yuta whispered. 

This seemed to be it for Jaehyun, and he crumbled. Yuta was unsure what to do as he watched the man’s bleary eyes fill with tears, just like he had the last time they’d met. 

Yuta just laid back down against the bed and watched as Jaehyun came to the side, slowly walking over. 

“Are you... okay?” He asked quietly. 

“I am. I wasn’t at first, but I am now.” Yuta croaked out. 

“And the.. the baby?” 

“She’s premature. But other than that, she’s healthy. She’s right here. You’ll have to get permission before you can hold her though.” Yuta said, strangely finding the strength to say these words. He had no idea where he’d been able to pull it from. 

Jaehyun’s tears fell at his words, and Yuta watched as he dropped to the floor beside the hospital bed. 

“A girl, you had a baby girl.” Jaehyun breathed out, his clenched fists resting against his knees. 

Yuta didn’t feel anything at all. He was numb at the sight of him, even more so when Jaehyun opened his eyes again and looked at him. Yuta averted his eyes. 

“My flight was delayed by two days,” Jaehyun sniffled, “when I—when I called you I was at the airport, I wasn’t just going for a run. I thought I could make it in time and would be able to show you that I meant it when I said I would visit for the summer—“ 

Yuta didn’t even want to hear him explain it. He was tired of him explaining. 

“Now I’m here,” Yuta muttered, still looking away.

“I shouldn’t have left you to do this alone in the first place.” 

“We both did what was right for us. You can’t regret it now, that won’t help anything.” Yuta replied, bitterness leaking through his words. 

“I wasn’t that alone either. I had my grandma in the first few months, and then my friends. It was just the last few days of my pregnancy that seemed to take the hardest toll on me.. so. I guess it was inevitable whether you called me or not. That wasn’t why I went into labor. So don’t think that.” Yuta shrugged, trying to pretend like he didn’t care when in reality he was feeling so much at once. 

Yuta finally looked at him again, and for once, Jaehyun looked delicate. Fragile. Breakable. As he sat there, on his knees. He seemed to be finally accepting his penance, with those fresh tears on his cheeks. 

“Jaehyun. I don’t want this for us, please. I want you to remember what I told you when I visited you, what I said to you on my last day there.” 

There was no point in placing blame on anyone for the way things had gone anymore, and Yuta was solely focused now on the future of their daughter. That was the most important thing, not their relationship between each other nor the lack of trust. 

“How can you not hate me?” 

“For her, Jaehyun. I want her to have two parents. If you will be a good father, and make sure she has all she needs, then I can ignore all the malice I hold against you. But that doesn’t mean I’m ready to be your friend.” Yuta said, as his breathing became labored again. The conversation was bringing him much stress and he didn’t think he could stand it any longer.

He wondered if Jaehyun had even noticed how hollow his cheeks were, or the darkness under his eyes. 

“I understand. I will do everything I can to support her financially, all of it. Anything that you or her need, I promise to provide.” Jaehyun replied quickly, looking at the floor down. 

Even though his promises meant little to Yuta now, he still wanted to believe them. He still wanted to have faith in them. But his trust had already been broken, so Yuta couldn’t believe it entirely. Still, it was somewhat comforting to know he’d be able to hold those words over the younger man’s head if he ever needed money for a dentist appointment or something. 

Yuta nearly chuckled at his thoughts, despite the current darkness of his situation. 

A couple of minutes of silence passed, and Yuta glanced over at their daughter, who he could see from the incubator, had woken up from her nap. 

“Don’t you want to hold her?” Yuta asked, slightly hesitant as he did. 

“I do. I haven’t even met her yet, and I miss her already.” Jaehyun said, sniffling slightly. Yuta could tell he meant what he said, just from his eyes alone. Yuta wasn’t a fool, and it was easy to see that Jaehyun was anxious to meet their daughter already. 

Which was why he pressed the button on the side of his bed, alerting the nurse on call. She came in after a couple more minutes of silence, and Yuta waited. He had nothing more to say to Jaehyun and it was clear he didn’t have anything to say either. 

The nurse came in, and Yuta told her to explain what Jaehyun had to do to hold the baby. He washed his hands first, and then after the nurse held the baby first, gently supporting her neck, she handed him to Jaehyun; who seemed to be a natural right away. 

Yuta knew he shouldn't feel anything. He knew he should stay numb at the sight of him, but the look of pure joy and happiness on his face, as he stared down at their daughter, brought tears to Yuta’s eyes. It was like every other feeling washed away and was replaced with fondness. 

“What did you name her?” Jaehyun asked softly, as he gently touched one of her outstretched hands. 

Yuta was quite pleased that Jaehyun hadn’t tried to assume that he’d be taking part in the naming process, and this was what led him to use the name he’d already been considering previously. There wasn’t even a name on her incubator tag yet, as Yuta had waited. 

_Had he been waiting for this moment to say it..? Perhaps._

“Haeun,” Yuta answered softly. It was his first time saying it too. 

“Hello, Haeun,” Jaehyun whispered down, smiling fondly again. 

That was the bittersweet moment Yuta knew for sure, that he would always love Jaehyun. 

  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


**3 years later.**

  
  


It was strange, how underwhelming Yuta’s graduation ceremony had been. He had expected himself to be jumping with joy by the end of it, but in reality, he was mostly just tired, from cramming all of the exams and final-year projects while balancing a toddler. It wasn’t exactly easy, but nothing about the last three years of his life had been. 

Despite how when he looked back on them now it all felt like a blur, there were still significant moments that he held deep within his heart. The first few steps Haeun had taken in their not small, but cozy, apartment, the late nights he had spent studying, and the number of times he’d been forced to stop in the middle of a painting when all the inspiration was flowing at once in order to go soothe his crying baby back to sleep. 

And then, there were the just as fond, but quieter moments, where he’d checked to make sure she was asleep and noticed how much she looked like Jaehyun when she slept. She had taken quite a lot of his features, which he found very rude since _he’d_ been the carrier, although as time went on, he discovered she had taken on his eyes, and somehow even his smile when she had just finished growing her baby teeth in. 

She was the sun and joy to his every waking moment. 

He waved through the crowd, finding Doyoung and Taeyong, along with his sister and her husband waiting for him. Doyoung had Haeun in his arms, balanced on his hip. He had been quite a nervous wreck at first when Yuta had practically thrown him into the role of an uncle, but he was a great caretaker now, and Yuta trusted him fully with watching his child. He had always known Doyoung would be a great support, from the very start. 

After greeting everyone, Taeyong stepped forward first to hug him. 

“You did great! How does it feel to be a fine art major?” Taeyong said, talking loudly over the buzz and noise from the crowd. 

“Feels a bit like unemployment,” Yuta joked, grinning widely. 

Haeun made grabby hands at Yuta then, and Doyoung gently handed her over to him. 

Yuta grinned, greeting her softly and watching her simply nod in response. She was rather shy, especially in public situations, but there were times when she got sudden bursts of energy and babbled on non-stop. Yuta just didn’t want to rush her at all to grow out of her shyness, it was normal in his eyes to have a kid that was a bit startled or afraid of large public settings. 

He had never, ever been prepared to be a parent. But that wasn’t what it was about, parenting was a system of care, and somehow, he had naturally been able to fall into the role of a father, despite all his terrible fears and the number of nights he’d cried just from the worry about bringing a child into the world, he had been able to push everything away and focus on his daughter’s wellbeing above it all. And that was all that mattered. 

Hikaru grinned, stepping forward to pat Haeun on the head. 

“Can you say hello to auntie?” Yuta whispered, entirely in Japanese. It was true that there were times where he’d speak or ask questions in his native language rather than Korean, and even though it may be confusing for some children, Haeun seemed very capable of managing both. 

She gave a small wave and smile, and that seemed to be enough for Hikaru, who cooed over the entire thing. 

“Do you still want to go out to dinner around 7?” Doyoung asked suddenly, clearly addressing Yuta but he knew that everyone in their current party would come along with them if they went along with their plans. 

“Yeah, I just need to drop Haeun off at Jaehyun’s first. And probably go home and shower. It’s pretty hot out now.” Yuta said, squinting slightly. He knew he should’ve worn sunglasses, regardless of how informal they’d have looked. It was now the beginning of June and the humidity was rather high. 

Haeun grabbed onto Yuta’s suit jacket at the mention of her other dad, and Yuta knew that meant she was excited to see him. 

Jaehyun had moved back to Seoul permanently after he had finished his scholarship early at Oxford. He had returned in time for Haeun’s third birthday party, which had been pretty chaotic, but Yuta was secretly glad that Jaehyun had finally been able to show up for a birthday party again. The last one he’d been at was her first. Not that she’d have many memories of her birthday parties, since most children tended to remember their fifth birthday before the rest, but it was the picture’s that he’d be able to show her later that counted. 

They stayed for a couple more minutes, discussing where to eat for dinner and how late everyone could stay out. Yuta reminded his friends that he had to go home by 9 pm, which Doyoung especially found humorous since Yuta—a former party animal—was now the one with a strong curfew. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  


Yuta had been able to go home and freshen up a bit after he’d made a run to the store when he realized they were all out of Haeun’s favorite yogurt snacks that she typically ate before bedtime. 

He’d changed out of his slightly uncomfortable suit, into a simple v-neck white shirt and jeans, nothing special but the added touch of his favorite silver jewelry and matching earrings always helped. Yuta tousled with his new hair a bit, which was freshly dyed a muted shade of ginger. He had been through quite a couple colors over the past few years, going straight off the deep-end into blonde, which soon became a nearly purple toned color, and then went back to brown, and now he had changed it to ginger. Changing and cutting his hair had become quite easy for him, just one of the perks of being a single parent meant he had never taken the time to just sit down and have his hair done by some professional anymore. 

Yuta had prepared Haeun an early dinner and then packed her a small backpack of a couple of her favorite toys and other necessities, smiling widely as she reached her arms up so that he could place the tiny Tinkerbell-themed backpack on her. 

They took the elevator downstairs, all the way down to the parking garage, and Yuta carried Haeun on his back to the car. There, he buckled her into her car seat, which was patterned with butterflies (entirely her own choice) and bright blue. Yuta chuckled, watching as she kicked her legs excitedly. 

“Do you know where we are going?” He asked. 

Haeun didn’t answer, but Yuta knew she was smart enough to catch on. He had already mentioned it earlier, so he knew that it was on her mind. 

There had been many confusing moments for Haeun, and he was certain it hadn’t been easy for her to be a toddler with separated, on the verge of divorcing parents. She had spent the first three years of her life with one father in an entirely different country and the other one trying to figure out how to be a good single parent. But both of them had made as many efforts as they could for her given their weird situation. 

Jaehyun had been the first one to suggest video-chats, even when Haeun was still an infant. Yuta would set up his laptop right by Haeun’s crib, while he did laundry or some other chore—even homework, as Jaehyun, read her a story or sometimes simply read the flashcards he was doing for school out loud. Yuta worried Haeun’s first words would be _cardiovascular_ or something along those lines, but that hadn’t been the case.

(Her first words had been papa, which was what she had chosen to call Yuta.) 

Still, the distance was conflicting as ever for her at times. Yuta could recall nights where he’d be up late, trying to soothe her crying after he’d turned his laptop off, and find that if he just had another parent there with him, he’d be able to. Yuta almost would cave in those moments, trying not to cry himself from the lack of sleep. Those were things that he knew Jaehyun would never truly be able to understand, but that didn’t mean that there hadn’t at least been more effort than Yuta had once expected from him. 

On the way to Jaehyun’s apartment, which was much closer to the center of the city, they got caught in traffic. Yuta glanced at the clock, realizing he was most likely going to be late for dinner with his friends with the way it was going. 

He heard a huff from the backseat, and turned around, glancing at Haeun. He could see she was pouting. 

“What’s wrong?” Yuta questioned, a concerned tone in his voice. He turned down the radio, which had been playing rock, of course. 

Haeun didn’t answer, and Yuta grew slightly worried. But traffic started to move again, so he turned his attention back towards the road. 

They arrived when it was already 7:20 pm. 

Yuta didn’t have any time to call his friends and let them know he’d be late yet. He was also a bit annoyed with how slow the elevator ride up was. 

“Do you recognize this place?” Yuta asked Haeun, once they had stopped on Jaehyun’s floor. 

“Yes, papa,” Haeun answered quietly, and that was enough for Yuta. 

He let her down once they got to Jaehyun’s door since he knew how much she liked to do the knocking. She had ever since he had moved in there. Even before, when Jaehyun had visited and stayed in some hotel. Yuta figured it was because she knew Jaehyun always overreacted when she did. 

Which was no different this time. 

Jaehyun swung the door open and shouted gleefully, scooping her up in his arms right away. The sound of their giggling filled the empty hallway, where Yuta was still standing, a bit awkwardly. 

“I missed you,” Jaehyun said, his voice louder and more bubbly than the one he ever used normally, “did you miss me?” 

“A little,” Haeun whispered, giggling after when Jaehyun tickled her side for a second. 

They had easily become best friends, and Yuta constantly made jokes to his friends about being excluded whenever it was the three of them. Which of course, was pretty much never. Jaehyun and Yuta only saw each other for drop-offs, and birthday parties. That was it. 

Jaehyun put Haeun down, and she started to shrug off her backpack, going for her shoes next. 

“Um,” Yuta started, unsure of why he was suddenly nervous, but he had been standing there silently for a minute or two, caught in a daze, “I packed her some snacks and some of her toys. And her blanket of course—“ 

“Don’t worry Yuta. I got her room organized here, and I finished painting it. Blue, right?” Jaehyun said, clearly addressing Haeun at the end of his sentence, as he glanced down at her, while she fumbled with the velcro of her shoes. 

“Yeah. Her favorite color.” Yuta said, nodding. 

“Well, I’ll make sure to send some updates as always. Have fun at your dinner.” 

“Oh, and congrats on graduating. I meant to send a text earlier, my bad.” Jaehyun shook his head, clearly a bit flustered. 

Yuta noticed he had just showered, based on the subtle dampness of his hair and the way his scent seemed all fresh. It was difficult to just ignore that. 

“No worries,” Yuta said, brushing it off. 

He squatted down, giving Haeun a quick hug. She was clearly in a good mood now, and Yuta realized she had been pouty in the backseat because she must’ve been impatient to see Jaehyun. 

“Be good. I’ll see you later, okay?” Yuta spoke in a gentle tone. 

He stood up then, waving goodbye to Haeun one more time. 

“Call me if you need anything.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


Yuta left dinner first of course, after paying his portion of the bill, he was practically rushing back to his car. 

Sure, it had been enjoyable and he was thankful that his friends had been so supportive and been there to support graduating with him, but truthfully he was _tired._ He wanted to get home and go to sleep, but he knew he needed to go pick up his daughter first. 

They weren’t yet at the stage where she was doing sleepovers at Jaehyun’s apartment. Yuta just needed him to prove that he was prepared for that level of parenting, although Jaehyun was always quick to remind Yuta that he had a CPR certificate and he was trained to deal with _any_ kind of problem like that, Yuta still worried too much. 

Yuta inhaled deeply once he made it to the door, and he almost knocked, before remembering that Jaehyun had specifically left a key under the doormat so that he could come in without making any loud noise since it was late already and it would be around the time that Haeun was asleep or trying to at least. He felt a bit guilty about coming to get her now but hoped that she’d be able to sleep in the car and then fall back to sleep once they went back to their home. 

He texted Jaehyun first, letting him know he was opening the door, and then Yuta came inside. He removed his shoes and started to make his way down the hallway. 

The apartment was a bit larger than his own, but it felt very bachelor. Of course, there wasn’t truly much to expect from a 25-year-old single man, was there? 

Just then, Yuta stopped in his light tracks, surprised to hear the sound of singing. 

Jaehyun’s soothing, deep voice echoed through the small apartment. Yuta could tell he was singing a lullaby, one he couldn’t recognize since they had both grown up on different lullabies, but there was such a sweet and gentle tone in his voice that anyone could tell he was soothing a child to sleep. 

_Their_ daughter. 

It had certainly taken some time, but they had just now found their way back to something close to friendship, after spending the last three years with uncomfortable tension between them, plenty of arguments over phone calls that ended with Yuta yelling something about Jaehyun being an irresponsible parent and then apologizing later through text when he realized what he’d done—

What had kept the peace between them, had entirely been their daughter, and she was the only one who had been able to keep them from too many arguments. They would never allow her to see or hear them fighting, as they both had grown up around it and agreed that they didn’t want their daughter to be subject to the pain and confusion of parents who couldn't agree on anything. 

So, Yuta stood there secretly in the hallway, listening to Jaehyun’s voice, reminiscing on what could’ve been, in the dark. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay sooooo, i hope that wasn’t too confusing with all the jumping around, and the time skips. 
> 
> i just wanted to kind of get past that point, bc honestly it hurt to write yuta so sadly ): plus, their daughter is here now finally!!! haeun! 
> 
> pls share any thoughts, every comment helps me stay motivated and i’m so thankful for all the enthusiasm and each and every comment. hope you are all well and enjoyed this chapter!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i feel so bittersweet that this is the last chapter note i’m writing for this fic.
> 
> to be honest, writing this fic brought me so much joy and plenty of hardship as well but i think overall it feels worth it. 
> 
> so, i hope i can do them justice in this last chapter! i’ll miss it for sure. and i’ll miss all of you! i love every single one of you guys, for real. i’m so thankful to everyone who has tuned in for this story! 
> 
> (p.s. if you were wondering, the title of the fic came from the song “Silent All These Years” by Tori Amos. i was inspired by the bridge and verse three of the song, which led to me originally writing this fic as meant to be around 4 chapters 😅 now here we are!)

“What do you mean, Doyoung. By every standard, I have put myself back out into the dating world.”

“You’re delusional,” Doyoung said, jokingly. 

“I am not!” Yuta said, turning to look at his snickering friend. 

It was a Saturday morning, and Doyoung and Yuta had taken Haeun to the park near his apartment. There was a cool breeze outside which felt nice on the skin, and rather refreshing after the humid heat of the past few days. 

“I went on like three dates last year. It’s not my fault I didn’t have a spark with any of them.” 

“You mean, none of them were enough like Jaehyun for you?” 

“Doyoung, I’m warning you.” 

“We all know he’s still your type, sadly,” Doyoung grimaced, and Yuta wanted to know what his secret to being immune to Jaehyun’s charm was, “We just have to find you someone with similar looks to his but less… emotionally detached.” 

“Or is that what you’re really into?” Doyoung added on. 

“I’m going to push you into the sandpit, Kim Doyoung,” Yuta whispered, shooting daggers at his friend with his eyes. 

“I’m kidding! Sorry, Yuta. But.. did you at least keep in touch with any of them?” Doyoung asked, getting more serious now. 

Yuta glanced at Haeun, out of instinct since he’d gotten a bit distracted with bickering, who was currently building a sandcastle only a couple feet away.

“I mean, I kept the last guy’s number. We’ve texted a couple of times.” Yuta said, sighing deeply. 

He didn’t quite know how to deal with the topic of dating, but it wasn’t anything far from super intimidating. It was scary to put himself back out there, not to mention the fact that he was lonely, but it was hard to admit. Yuta had felt much more confident and sure of himself when he was younger, and before his marriage. 

“What’s his name?” 

“Soohyun,” Yuta replied, nibbling on his lower lip after. 

He had been the only man who hadn’t made him feel weird on their date, or stared at the faded, but still very apparent bite mark on his neck—that Yuta had taken to covering up after it was very apparent that it left people confused. 

“You say his name all funny, yet you never told me about him!” Doyoung scolded him, and Yuta tried to hide his smile. 

“I got tired of telling you about my dates because you got so disappointed when they didn’t end in a one night stand.” 

“What, I’m evil now for wanting the best for my friend?” Doyoung raised his eyebrows mockingly. 

“No, but not all of us get lucky enough to have a friends with benefits relationship with a wedding planner,” Yuta said, giggling at the way Doyoung panicked as he spoke. 

“You—you take that back it was one time. And we haven’t talked about it since.” 

Yuta only laughed, finding it humorous how worked up it had made his best friend. He was only aware of the fact that his two friends had slept together, sometime last year, because he’d shown up at Doyoung’s house early one morning and seen several littered pieces of clothing on the floor—and a jacket that he recognized as Taeyong’s. 

Back when Yuta had been thrown off the deep end by his husband, he had nearly fallen into the arms of Taeyong as well, but Yuta hadn’t ever acted upon those feelings. Even now. He didn’t want to ruin a great friendship, and he also couldn’t see any world where they were together as anything other than friends. This was exactly why he was pushing for Doyoung to see what he could have with him instead since there was clearly some kind of spark there. 

“Let’s make a deal. You can’t lecture me about my love life until you figure out yours.” 

“Yuta!” 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  
  


August came around quicker than anyone had expected, as the summer season seemed to fly by quickly. 

Yuta had several fans turned on in his apartment, all pointed at him. Even though he was wearing shorts and a loose tank-top, it was still unbearable. 

He was currently filling out papers for Haeun’s daycare after he had procrastinated doing so. Yuta worried about sending her off to such a big social environment that would be so new for her, even though plenty of parents would send their kids off earlier, Yuta knew of his daughter’s shyness and understood that it would take more time for her to warm up, which was why he had waited. 

Yuta had to ignore the lump in his throat as he added Jaehyun’s information to the form since the daycare had an option to add two or more guardians on the form, he put his phone number down in case the school needed it and checked the box marked ‘alpha,’ under a/b/o alignment. 

He tossed the form aside once he was done with it, making a mental note to drop it off at the preschool later. 

Yuta went to check on Haeun before he started to cook lunch for them, and found her playing happily in her room.

The summer had been much more relaxing than previous summers, where he’d been occupied with projects from school that were due in the fall semester, and juggling Jaehyun wanting to visit Haeun in his every-waking moment since he would spend his summers in Seoul. 

Now that her other father was permanently residing in Seoul again, things were much more chilled out. This also meant that Yuta didn’t mind inviting him over to watch Haeun for the evening while he went out. 

Yuta had much more freedom now that they were on good terms again, and he could go out without feeling guilty about leaving Haeun with Doyoung or Hikaru, who had never minded the babysitting, but it was different, they were more like care-givers rather than guardians. 

Which was exactly why he had started talking with Soohyun again—and agreed to go out with him once more. 

They had a date scheduled for the evening, which had been Soohyun’s move, and saying Yuta was nervous would be an understatement. There had been butterflies in his stomach all day, which he took as some kind of sign. But if it was good or bad, he couldn’t tell. 

He tidied up around the house after lunch, since he knew Jaehyun would be in the apartment and he didn't want the young alpha to see piles of laundry around the house, nor the uncapped toothpaste in his bathroom. 

Then, he got ready. Yuta opted for a silk shirt, dark purple, and tight black jeans. It took him a while to style his hair the proper way, but once he was done, he felt much more confident and prepared. Although, he couldn’t shake the weird nervous feeling in his stomach. 

Haeun snuck into the bathroom when Yuta was in the middle of adding some subtle eyeliner, and Yuta grinned down at the sight of her tugging on his pant leg. 

“Papa,” Haeun said. 

“Yes?” Yuta replied in a soft tone. 

“Where are you going?” She asked him, the curiosity in her voice was enough to make his heart swell twice its size. 

“I’m going to visit a friend.” He said, putting away his eyeliner in his makeup drawer. 

“Doyoung?” She asked, “I wanna see him too.” 

She was surprisingly talkative, and Yuta was unable to stop smiling. 

“No, no not Doyoung sweetie,” Yuta said and watched the confusion that appeared on her face. 

Yuta scooped her up, bringing them into the freshly cleaned living room. 

“You wanna sit and draw for a bit?” He asked after putting her down on the couch. 

She nodded, and Yuta got up to grab her crayons and drawing pad. 

Yuta went back to organizing his fridge, which he had been in the middle of before he had stopped to get ready when a knock came sharply at the front door. 

He turned to see Haeun poking her head up from her drawing pad, glancing at the front door. 

Yuta grinned, knowing she’d be excited to see who it was. 

Jaehyun stood at the door, with a whole bag thrown over his shoulder. Yuta was certain he had brought presents, per usual. The young alpha—now a resident at the biggest hospital in the city center, was never cheap with the way he spoiled their daughter. 

Yuta scoffed knowingly at him, and he earned a glance, up and down, from the man. 

He ignored the way that Jaehyun’s eyes could read him so easily, seeming to stare into his soul as they made eye contact. 

Their staring contest was broken by the sound of little footsteps, and Yuta was practically pushed out of the way by his toddler, who then wrapped herself around Jaehyun’s legs. 

“Hey, sweetheart.” Jaehyun murmured, picking her up right away. 

Jaehyun walked inside then, and Yuta helped remove the bag from his shoulder so that he could hold Haeun easier. Yuta set the bag on the small kitchen table. 

Haeun was already leaning her head on Jaehyun’s shoulder, a content expression on her face as she brought her hand up to touch the stubble on the side of Jaehyun’s cheek. 

“Are you growing a beard?” Yuta asked, a bit harsh. They hadn’t even greeted each other yet and he was already grilling the younger man. 

“No, I just had a long week. Didn’t have any time to shave.” Jaehyun said, chuckling after he did. 

Haeun was fascinated since Jaehyun had been bare-faced her entire life. Yuta let out another laugh at the confusion of their 3-year old. 

Jaehyun had kept his dark brown locks, unlike Yuta who had played around with his hair over the past few years, Jaehyun had kept it simple. He did look older now though, he stood taller, had a couple of lines around the corners of his eyes, most likely from the late nights of studying, but he was still aging gracefully. Yuta bit his lip, wondering what he’d look like at age 32 after his military service—oh god he’d be gone for two years—

Shut up, shut up, Yuta shook his head, turning away from the sight of him. Those kind thoughts were ones that he forced himself to push deep, deep down. 

“We had a late lunch but I trust you brought stuff for dinner, if you didn’t you can always order or use the stuff in the fridge,” Yuta said, clearing his throat as he spoke. 

“Of course. We’ll have Italian pasta.” Jaehyun said, tapping Haeun’s nose as he did. 

She kicked gleefully, as Italian pasta was currently her favorite, all shapes and sizes of noodles, as long as they were Italian. 

Yuta checked his phone, seeing Soohyun had already sent a text saying he was on the way. Yuta sent a reply saying he’d come down to him and there was no need to come up to the door, as he panicked internally. He hadn’t taken into consideration that he probably should’ve been the one to take Haeun over to Jaehyun’s place, but it was too late for that now. 

Jaehyun set Haeun down, and she rushed over to the living room. Yuta suspected she was going back to her drawing. 

“When are you going?” Jaehyun asked, wasting no time now that Haeun was out of the kitchen and distracted. 

“Probably 20 minutes or less,” Yuta said, swallowing, “do you want some... water or something?” 

Yuta knew he needed to explain where it was that he was going, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so.

“No, I’m good, thank you though,” Jaehyun said, shuffling slightly. 

Yuta’s eyes drifted to his black t-shirt and noticed how he was surprisingly still ripped for someone who was meant to be a doctor. They weren’t supposed to look as good as they do on tv—

You’re doing it again, Yuta reminded himself, averting his eyes. He didn’t know what was wrong with him. He needed to stop whatever it was. 

He didn’t look away, however. 

“Is that a tattoo?” Yuta blurted out, after catching something near the edge of where Jaehyun’s shirt met his neck, seeming to start at his collarbone. He hadn’t even noticed it before. 

“Yeah. I got it as a bet kind of.. during my last semester at Oxford.” Jaehyun said, shrugging. 

“I’d show you but it’s... just on my chest mostly.” 

Yuta averted his eyes, working on keeping his breathing steady. 

“Uh, what’s it of?” He asked, trying to break the awkwardness, and failing. 

“A dragon,” Jaehyun answered, leaning back in the kitchen chair he had settled in. He placed his hand on top of his knee. 

A couple of minutes of silence passed, as Yuta tried to think of something else to ask, preferably something that didn’t have to do with tattoos. 

“Did you deal with anything interesting this week?” Yuta asked, taking out some of the watermelon he had cut up in the fridge. He popped a piece in his mouth, wiping the juice away from his lip. He didn’t want to ruin all the time he’d spent getting ready. 

“Uh,” Jaehyun fumbled his words, “it’s always interesting. Especially when they stick me in the ER.” 

“Well, what’s the worst thing you saw this week?” 

Jaehyun chuckled, glancing down at the floor then back up at Yuta. 

“I won’t tell you the worst, but the grossest did involve a cucumber—“ 

“No, stop. Nevermind.” Yuta held his hand up, cringing just at the suggestion of his words. 

“Let’s just say some people are really creative when they get bored,” Jaehyun said, still able to chuckle under his breath. 

“I don’t know how you deal with that.” 

“Years of preparation. I do have co-workers who still throw up during lunch breaks though.” 

“And that’s normal?” Yuta said, gawking a bit. 

“I mean. Not sure why squeamish people would become doctors, but everyone has a right to follow their dreams,” Jaehyun shrugged, “have you... found any work that looks good? Any commissions lately?” 

“I had a commission like, two weeks ago. But there aren’t any solid places hiring right now. I am looking though, I promise.” 

“Don’t worry about it too much. It’ll come to you eventually.” Jaehyun said, smiling fondly. 

Before Yuta could respond to him, Haeun was rushing back into the room, drawing in hand. 

“Slow down,” Yuta gently warned her, worried as always about her little feet carrying her too fast and causing her to trip. 

She handed the drawing to Jaehyun first, and he glanced down at it with exaggerated wide eyes. 

“Wow, this is neat!” 

Yuta tried not to laugh at the fond enthusiasm as he walked over to them, staring down at the drawing along with them. 

The drawing consisted of a lot of scribbles, per usual, but there were exactly 3 stick figures on the page. This intrigued Yuta. 

“Haeun, what did you draw?” He asked, placing his hand casually on the back of the chair that Jaehyun was sitting in. 

She held it up higher, pointing to the middle figure, which was the smallest, and then at herself, and then she pointed to the other two taller figures. 

“Papa, and daddy.” 

Jaehyun just nodded, still smiling widely. 

“Very accurate.” The alpha murmured. 

Yuta squinted closer, spotting the orange scribble around one of the stick-figures head which was meant to be his own. His daughter had also given him very sharp eyebrows which he had to consciously avoid laughing at. 

“Oh, it’s beautiful sweetie,” Yuta said, grinning, “Are you done with it? or can I put it on the fridge? 

“No, not done, I want to draw a cat,” Haeun said, then trudged back to the living room. 

“Neither of us.. have a cat.” Yuta tilted his head and said, once she was out of earshot. 

Both the men covered their mouths to laugh, just at the pure sweetness of their daughter. 

“She’s imaginative. A creative soul. Like you.” Jaehyun said once they had both gotten it out of their system. 

“Hush.” Yuta dismissed his comment, picking his phone off the kitchen counter. He pocketed it, without even checking the screen. 

Yuta knew he felt too giddy, too excited to be having so much fun with just the three of them, which was truly a rare sight. It had almost made him forget that he was going on a date soon. 

He was reminded, however, with a knock at the door. Yuta felt his throat go dry. He wasn’t prepared to explain the fact that he had a toddler and the said child's father was in his apartment. 

“Who’s that? Doyoung?” Jaehyun asked, turning his head towards the front door. 

Shit, Yuta thought. He still hadn’t told Jaehyun who he was going out with either. 

“Uh, no, not Doyoung,” Yuta said. He checked quickly into the living room. Haeun was occupied and hadn’t noticed the knock on the door. 

He turned the doorknob anxiously, barely cracking the door as he did. There stood a smiling and happy Soohyun, with a cheeky grin on his face. 

Soohyun was older than Yuta, but not by too much. He was 31, had already graduated law school, and was a pretty well known criminal justice lawyer. He had black hair, which was styled all nice with gel and he wore a nice suit, which was a bit different than what Yuta had chosen, but that was okay. 

“Hey, Yuta,” Soohyun said, and Yuta was quickly taken aback when he pulled flowers from behind his back, “these are for you.” 

“Oh, wow, you didn’t have to,” Yuta said, hoping he didn’t look too shocked. 

“Thank you, I’ll put these in water, and get my shoes. You can come into the doorway for a second.” Yuta smiled, accepting the flowers. 

“I hope you like lilies,” Soohyun said, awkwardly keeping his hands behind his back. He was a few inches taller than Yuta, especially without shoes. Yuta had forgotten since the last time they had met. 

“I do,” Yuta said, nodding softly. 

When Yuta went into the kitchen to fill a small vase from the cupboard with water, he could see Jaehyun was already in the living room checking on Haeun. He took a deep breath, relaxing a bit. 

It wasn’t like Yuta liked lying, on the second date too, but he wasn’t prepared for Soohyun to know that much about his life yet. He wanted to make sure he could trust the man first. 

By the time that Yuta was finished and went back to grab his shoes, his heart dropped when he saw Jaehyun had moved into the hallway and was standing a couple of feet away from Soohyun. 

Jaehyun’s shoulders looked broader from the back, most likely since he was standing up straighter. 

“Um,” Yuta started awkwardly, “this—“ 

“Your friend just introduced himself, Yuta,” Jaehyun said, with no tone at all in his voice. His expression was unreadable too. 

Yuta swallowed deeply, as he finished slipping on his shoes. He then made his way over to Soohyun’s side, awkwardly standing next to the taller man. 

“This is Jaehyun. He helped me get ready and uh, he likes to study here because there’s less noise at my apartment.” Yuta said, already cursing himself for digging an early grave by making the lie bigger than it needed to be. 

He could see the amusement on Jaehyun’s face, but part of him took it as a judgment. He wanted to get out of there. 

“Oh, I see. That’s nice. What do you study, if you don’t mind me asking?” Soohyun asked. 

Yuta hadn’t been prepared for Soohyun to take the polite route, but it only made him feel even more guilty about lying. 

“Medicine,” Jaehyun said, smiling but without any teeth. 

Yuta wanted to mouth a thank you since Jaehyun had gone along with his lie, but he figured it could look strange, so he just smiled and tried to communicate as much as he could with his eyes. 

“That’s nice. Medicine majors are always super hard workers.” 

Before the conversation could continue any longer, Yuta made the move to link arms with Soohyun, in the hopes that it would signal they needed to leave. 

“We have reservations, right?” 

“Oh. Yes, let’s go.” 

Yuta reached for his coat jacket, and gave one last look over his shoulder at Jaehyun, standing with his arms crossed and his face blank in the doorway. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


It had been a tough morning. 

Yuta had been up at 6 am, attempting to prepare himself with a cup of coffee and a half of a bagel since that was all he could stomach, but instead realizing he’d left the wet clothing in the washing machine and forgot to run the dryer and completely panicked. 

He had nearly resorted to putting Haeun’s favorite jacket which she had planned on wearing in the microwave, before realizing that would be a terrible decision and opting to deal with her disappointment that her clothing wasn’t ready for her first day of daycare instead. 

She wasn’t a morning person at all, either. Even at 3 years old, Haeun had to be bribed out of bed with the promise of watching cartoons as Yuta braided her hair carefully. He didn’t want to risk it getting tangled throughout the day. He had experience with braiding hair from having two sisters, as well as medium-length hair on his head, so it worked out perfectly. 

After she begrudgingly ate her oatmeal and finished a couple of sips of her orange juice, Yuta checked the clock and somehow found that it was already 8 am. 

They had worked out a compromise for Haeun’s jacket—she had chosen a cute, mint green jean jacket to replace her favorite one, and she had surprisingly been understanding about the fact that Yuta had made a mistake with the laundry and apologized to her. 

So, after getting everything together and shoving his second shoe on, without bothering to tie the lace on it, they headed downstairs. 

And this was where the morning got even worse because Yuta’s stupid, piece of junk old car wouldn’t start. 

He could practically feel his daughter staring at him as he panicked, scrolling through his contact list and trying to think of who could help them out. 

Doyoung was too busy with his early morning classes, Hikaru lived about 30 minutes away, and Jaehyun—well of course he was busy with work. 

But, at the same time, Yuta knew his schedule differed. Sometimes he took night shifts or afternoon shifts, and at that moment he figured that he should try rather than just giving up. 

Yuta dialed his number, and put his phone between his shoulder and ear, picking Haeun up and putting her in her car seat while they waited. He pulled one of her coloring books out of the seat pocket and handed it to her. 

“No crayons.” She complained quietly, and Yuta was in the middle of trying to find her crayons for her when Jaehyun picked up the phone. 

“Hey, Yuta. Everything okay?” Jaehyun said, groggily. 

Yuta didn’t answer at first, pulling out the crayons and handing them to Haeun. 

“Uh, yeah. Well—I… we.. Haeun needs a ride to daycare and my car isn’t starting. I’m sorry. Are you at work?” 

“No. I worked a double, I got home around 5 am.” Jaehyun said, chuckling after. 

“Do you want me to come to get you both?” Jaehyun asked then, wasting no time talking about unnecessary details or asking questions. 

“Yeah, please. If it isn’t any trouble, I don’t want her to be late.” Yura said, sighing after he did. He leaned against the side of the car, his hands fussing through his hair. 

“Okay. I’ll be there soon as I can.” 

  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Haeun was staring out the window, most likely watching the cars and big buildings that passed them by. 

Jaehyun had arrived a lot quicker than Yuta had expected, and it showed even more from the way he was wearing flip-flops and sweatpants, Yuta could tell he hadn’t even bothered to get dressed before leaving quickly.

“You’re going to drop off our daughter in that,” Yuta muttered quietly, crossing his arms. He had to suppress a laugh. 

“And proudly. They’ll know she has relaxed, non-conforming parents that way,” Jaehyun said, a smile tugging at the side of his lips despite Yuta’s apparent teasing. 

“Please, Jaehyun.” 

The drive went on a little bit longer due to early morning traffic, but they made it to the daycare in with a pretty good time. There were a few other cars in line still, and it was relieving to know they weren’t the only ones a bit late. 

“Are you ready to go in?” He asked Haeun, turning his head over his shoulder to do so. 

“Yes, papa.” She whispered, and Yuta could see her peeking out the window at the other kids walking in. 

“Here, let’s pack up your coloring stuff,” Yuta said, reaching for the crayons, and grabbing the random ones that had fallen into the seat cushions. He could only hope Jaehyun didn’t mind. 

Jaehyun put the car in park and got out on his side first. He went to open up Haeun’s door, and Yuta got out with them. 

There was a strange, tight feeling in his chest as he realized this would forever be the memory he had of dropping Haeun off at daycare for the first time. And part of him hoped that she’d be able to remember at least parts of it. It wasn’t that common for all three of them to do these kinds of things together. It had always been Yuta taking her to the doctor’s office or along with him to shop for new clothing, whereas Jaehyun was the one who took her to get ice cream as a treat or spoiled her randomly with new toys. 

Haeun was already holding on to Jaehyun’s much larger hand with her own, and when Yuta came around to their side of the car, she reached out for Yuta’s as well. They walked up onto the sidewalk together, and Yuta took in a deep breath. He could already see where the teacher with the sign-in chart was standing and waiting for parents and children to walk up, yet it almost felt like he wasn’t ready to let go of his daughter’s hand. 

“Hello, you must be a new family,” the teacher greeted them with a wide smile, and an outstretched hand, which Jaehyun shook. 

“Yes. It’s our daughter’s first year of daycare.” Yuta answered quickly. 

“You are such a lovely family.” She said while smiling politely. 

The words struck Yuta, and he tried to ignore it but failed. 

“What’s your name little one?” The teacher kneeled to ask. 

Yuta had worried for a second that Haeun would be too shy to answer the stranger, but luckily she had looked up at both of them for reassurance, and once Jaehyun and Yuta had given her a nod, she answered— 

“Haeun.” 

“Ooh, pretty name. And the surname?” The teacher asked, standing up quickly. 

“Jung-Nakamoto,” Jaehyun answered, speaking up for the first time since they’d arrived. 

“Ah. I see. We have her down from 8 am to 1:30. is this correct?” The teacher asked, her eyes flicking between both Jaehyun and Yuta. 

He could tell she was assuming it was a co-parenting household, and while Yuta couldn’t blame her at all for that assumption, he did wonder what had brought it on. 

“Yes, that’s correct.” 

Yuta realized then that it was time for her to go, as most of the other children were already inside and removing their backpacks at the front door. His heart ached, as he continued to worry about how she would do. But he knew that it was time, and she’d certainly be in good care. It was a private daycare and Jaehyun and he had split the tuition for it—which was most likely uncommon for most parents, but since they were separated, that was how things had to be done. 

Yuta let go of her hand but squatted down to give her a hug and a kiss on the head. 

“Haeun, you’ll do great sweetheart. And don’t be afraid, you can always tell a teacher if you need anything, and they’ll call me. Or.. daddy. So don’t worry.” Yuta said, smiling fondly at his child. 

She let go of Jaehyun’s hand to throw her arms around Yuta’s neck, and Yuta returned the hug. Yuta knew she wasn’t saying anything now because she didn’t talk when feeling nervous or shy, especially in the presence of a stranger. The fact that she had said her name was brave enough already. 

“First goodbyes are always the hardest.” Yuta could hear the teacher whisper to Jaehyun, and a hum from the younger man in response. 

Yuta detached himself first, as painful as it was. 

“I love you. You have snacks and your stuffed animals in your backpack, okay? Be good.” Yuta said, trying to ignore the way his eyes had welled up a bit from the way Haeun had clung to him. He was embarrassed by how easily his heart was swayed by things like that, but it was uncontrollable. 

Haeun’s big eyes stared at him with a bit of a puzzled look. 

Jaehyun said goodbye next, first leaning down to high-five Haeun and then giving her a warm looking hug. He patted her small head, and Yuta could hear him whisper ‘I love you.’ 

“You’ll do great, sweetheart. Don’t worry. It’ll pass by in no time.” Jaehyun said as he could see Haeun had started to pout a bit. 

The teacher stepped forward then, introducing herself to their daughter and pointing towards the small schoolhouse and the playground that could be seen in the backyard. 

Yuta let a tear spill over as he watched the teacher walk hand in hand with their daughter, towards the school building. He swiped it away with his thumb, turning his back to Jaehyun before he could see him. It was a mixture of joy and fondness at watching his daughter take such a big step, and Yuta tried to tell himself that it was normal to be overwhelmed by such feelings and express it, rather than bottling it up. 

“Hey,” he heard Jaehyun say, and his heart dropped to his stomach as he turned around, so he hadn’t been subtle with his tears then, “it will all be okay.” 

“I—I know, it’s just.. you don’t think it’s too early for her right?” Yuta asked, his voice quivering a bit. 

They started to walk back to the car, and Yuta accepted Jaehyun opening the door for him. 

“No, we made the right choice Yuta. She’ll be able to meet some toddlers her age and see a whole new environment. It will be good for her.” 

Yuta nodded, tilting his head up at the ceiling of the car. 

Jaehyun walked around to the other side of the car, stepping inside. He glanced across at the smaller man again, and Yuta had to close his eyes, as the comforting scent of his old mate surrounded him now that they were in an enclosed space. It had been years now since they had been in a situation like this. Yuta figured the last time Jaehyun had been able to see him this way, was when he’d revealed he was pregnant. 

“Yuta,” Jaehyun whispered, and when Yuta opened his eyes, he found Jaehyun holding out tissues in front of him. 

“Oh, thanks.” Yuta murmured, clearly very ashamed to be showing his vulnerable side in a moment like this. 

A couple more minutes of silence passed, and Jaehyun made no moves to start driving yet. 

“Is there anything particular that’s worrying you?” Jaehyun asked, a cautious tone in his voice. 

“Just… I don’t want her to feel scared, but I know she’s shy so it might be harder for her to reach out.” Yuta said. 

“You raised her well, though, Yuta. You took the time to take care of her and didn’t leave it up to some nanny the way our parents did. That will make all the difference for her.” Jaehyun said. Yuta glanced down at his hand, which was resting on the middle compartment. 

“Do you mean that?” Yuta asked quietly. 

“I do. I’m impressed every day with how you managed to do it all, I always have been.” 

To hear Jaehyun humbly admit such things, and be upfront and honest about how even though he had been as involved as he could due to his decisions, Yuta had been the one to raise their daughter wholeheartedly, was comforting. 

So, Yuta tried to express his gratitude. Which.. instead came out in a small voice. 

“Thanks, Jaehyun.” 

The younger man just smiled knowingly, as he knew Yuta wasn’t used to that kind of thing and put the car into drive. 

Once they were back on the road, the silence was a bit stiff between them. 

“Aren’t you tired?” Yuta asked, remembering that Jaehyun had said he had only just gotten home at 5 am. 

“I had coffee on my last break before my shift ended, so, not really.” 

“Oh, I see,” Yuta said, staring absentmindedly at Jaehyun’s hand on the wheel. 

Just then, Yuta got a text. He opened it quickly and smiled once he saw who it was from. 

Soohyun was texting him from work, with a surprising amount of emojis. On their most recent date, Yuta had informed the older man that he was a bad texter, and in return, he had started to text with an abundant amount of emojis. 

Yuta could feel Jaehyun’s eyes flicking towards him as he typed out his reply. 

After his reconciliation with Soohyun, Yuta had come clean to Jaehyun about his return to the dating scene, and he had been completely and entirely understanding. There didn’t seem to be any weird jealousy or possessiveness there, and Yuta figured the odd vibe he had gotten from him when Soohyun had shown up without Yuta warning him—had just been typical young alpha protectiveness, especially since their child had been in the apartment at the time. 

Soohyun was asking to go on yet another date, but Yuta said today wouldn’t work, since he had to clean his apartment and.. well, take care of his kid. 

Yuta had come clean about having a kid, finally on the third date. Soohyun had been calm and mature about it, asking politely if there was anything left between him and the father of his child, to which Yuta clarified there was nothing left there. 

‘I’ll miss you,’ Soohyun texted. 

Yuta shut his phone off then, clearing his throat to turn and look out the window instead. 

It wasn’t exactly that he was trying to keep things light and casual, but Yuta was not prepared to just jump straight into a new and fresh relationship yet, he wanted to take his time. Which.. was certainly interesting because it had been 3 years since he’d been intimate with anyone.

And the last person he’d been there with was sitting right next to him. 

Yuta’s neck tensed at the thought, and he shook his head. He then leaned back in his seat for the rest of the drive, closing his eyes. He was pretty exhausted from the early morning. 

“We’re here,” Jaehyun said suddenly, and Yuta glanced to see they were in the parking garage already. 

He yawned, shaking his head slightly. He hadn’t drifted off of course, as it had only been a few minutes, but the sleepiness was still there. He groaned as he looked across the parking lot and saw his car, sitting there unused. Yuta didn’t know how much it would cost to get it fixed nor how long it would take. 

“Thanks for driving this morning, I mean it. I should um, pay for breakfast sometime or something.” 

“Don’t worry about it, I was happy to be there,” Jaehyun said, rejecting Yuta’s offer. 

“Then.. at least come upstairs and grab some coffee or something, or—you already had some earlier, I have.. oatmeal and.. some bagels. We have fruit too.” Yuta rambled, unsure why he felt indebted, but the trip using Jaehyun’s car combined with his kind advice and compliments had certainly brought those feelings on. 

“Alright,” Jaehyun said, turning off his car, “I was going to eat sleep for breakfast, but that does sound better.” 

Yuta chuckled lightly at the younger man’s dorky joke, rolling his eyes. 

  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


It’s safe to say it’s been a long time since Jaehyun and Yuta were like this. 

Yuta couldn’t remember the last time they had spent more than 2 hours with just each other in the room, not at a party, not with any buffer between them—

And a terrible rom-com. This time, it was love actually. One of Yuta’s favorites to hate-watch, and one of Jaehyun’s genuine least favorite movies of all time. It was perfect. 

Somehow, after Yuta had offered Jaehyun that friendly breakfast, they had gotten into a heated argument about the worst romantic comedy they had ever seen, (which was honestly a refreshing topic to argue about after much more intense and serious topics) and ended up on the couch together, prepared to talk over each scene in the movie and mock the plot-line the whole way. 

As the ending credits rolled, Yuta balanced his chin on his hand, turning to grin at the way that Jaehyun was pretending to have fallen asleep for the end of the film. 

“Quit it, faker,” Yuta playfully shoved at his shoulder, “you are not a comedian.” 

“It was even worse the second time around,” Jaehyun mumbled, opening his eyes. 

“Was not, honestly I think it was better this time around,” Yuta said, in order to get a heated expression from the younger man. 

“You’re meant to hate watching these films, Yuta, not like them,” Jaehyun argued, earning yet another laugh from Yuta. 

He had succeeded in his mind, with that kind of passionate reaction from Jaehyun. 

“Jaehyun, don’t make me remind you that you have Notting Hill on DVD.” 

“Hey, that’s an example of a good romantic comedy.” Jaehyun defended, but Yuta could tell he was close to bursting into laughter now too, based on the way his eyes had begun to crinkle and there was a pursed smirk tugging near his lips. 

Yuta wondered how he had remembered those kinds of details after so long, despite all the time he had taken to undo his feelings for the alpha. 

“You’re just in love with Hugh Grant.” 

“He is not my type.” Jaehyun shook his head, denying the accusation. 

“Julia Roberts then,” Yuta said, amazed at his ability to remember the actors' names as well. But, he had listened to Jaehyun discuss the film a couple of times before, so that was most likely the reason for it. Meanwhile, he could barely remember the names of his classmates from college. 

“I’m dropping this conversation,” Jaehyun said, unable to prevent the laughter that followed. 

Yuta beamed, pulling his blanket closer to his body. They were sitting with a wide distance between them on the sofa, well, as much as they could have since it was a loveseat. 

For a moment, it had felt like no time had passed between them. Yuta wondered where the feeling had risen from. Or, if it was simply the nostalgia of the past returning. 

“Ah. It’s almost 11. We’ll have to get Haeun in about two more hours.” Yuta said, tapping his knee as he did. 

“Are you ready to see her again already?” 

“Hm? Yeah,” Yuta chuckled, “it’s felt weird not having to worry about checking on her or not hearing her playing in the background.” 

“She’s hard not to miss,” Jaehyun said softly, glancing down at the floor. 

Yuta felt like there was a deeper meaning behind his statement, but he didn’t want to press into it right now. 

He leaned his head back, pulling his hair away from the side of his neck and pushing it to the opposite side. 

Jaehyun’s eyes moved from the floor to Yuta’s neck, a small smile could be seen on his lips as he did. Yuta’s eyebrows drew together in slight confusion, as he grew puzzled at what that was about. 

“Do I have something on my face?” Yuta asked, per usual whenever Jaehyun’s eyes found his face. Or at least, that was how it used to be. It was almost creepy how familiar their interactions felt today, and Yuta couldn’t keep his mind from drifting to memories of the past. 

“No, no. I was just—well, I wanted to ask before actually but, I couldn’t figure out how.” 

Jaehyun’s words didn’t make much sense until Yuta’s hands were on his own neck, and he felt the scar there. 

_Oh_. 

“Go ahead.” Yuta encouraged him to ask, despite the weird burning feeling in his stomach as he did. 

“Would you ever, uh, get the bite mark removed? Over your scent gland?” 

Jaehyun averted his eyes after asking, and Yuta could practically see him gulp. 

He paused for a second, thinking deeply about what Jaehyun had just worked up the courage to ask. Of course, it was something that most divorced alpha and omega couples did, since it wasn’t needed anymore, since they were no longer mated with the divorce being over. But Yuta knew that removing the mark on his neck wouldn’t ever make those lingering feelings go away, as they hadn’t begun just from the mark alone. All it did was symbolize that he had once been mated before. And, well, it did bring a bit of a pull towards them whenever Yuta was in heat still. Which is exactly why Yuta avoided Jaehyun like the plague both before and after. 

“No. I don’t think I would. It would be a hassle to have the procedure done. I don’t think it would be worth it.” Yuta spoke quietly on the topic. 

“Does it make you uncomfortable?” Yuta asked, clearly trying to pry and figure out why Jaehyun was so curious about it, despite them being separated on every other level. 

“Oh, no. I just wanted to make sure you were still okay with it. I helped with a bite mark removal surgery last week and—I couldn’t help but think of that.” Jaehyun shrugged. 

Yuta appreciated the honesty and having Jaehyun even go as far as to tell him where he had been reminded of it felt genuine. 

“I’m fine with it,” Yuta said, rubbing absent-mindedly at the mark now, “and the memory of getting it isn’t too bad either.” 

Yuta’s comment was enough to make Jaehyun look away again, coughing deeply. He even had a slightly pink tint to his ears afterward. 

“But, on a serious note, it’s the only thing that we truly… decided to do it on our own. It wasn’t either of our parents forcing us to, I… I wanted it, truly in the moment. So I don’t regret it.” 

The air in the room had changed, and Yuta tried not to panic at how serious the conversation had gotten. 

“Unlike our marriage,” Jaehyun said, his eyes turning dark again. 

“Yes, that was.. very forced,” Yuta whispered, softly looking away, “I should’ve expressed how I felt about that more.” 

“I know I could’ve communicated better with you, Yuta. You don’t have to blame yourself because you were always transparent with your emotions whereas I hid mine frequently.” 

Yuta swallowed, as he grew nervous about the direction this conversation was headed to. 

He wanted to lighten the mood again but was unsure of how to. It wasn’t exactly an easy topic to discuss, and clearly both of them were a little bit uncomfortable with it still. 

“I should tell you... I haven’t been in touch with my mother since she told me the way she treated you when I was gone. And I won’t be anytime soon. My father and she have both tried to reconcile with me.. but I have zero interest.” Jaehyun said with a slightly bitter and sharp tone to his voice as he spoke of his parents. 

“I understand. I rarely contact my parents now. It’s best that way I think, neither of them ever had either of our best interests. They just saw us as pawns in a deal.” Yuta said, unable to hide how weary his voice was as he spoke of it. 

Another minute of silence passed. 

“When… the divorce becomes finalized, do you think they will all cause a fuss?” 

“Probably,” Jaehyun replied flatly. 

“I don’t understand how your mother could be when she wanted us to be separated so badly.” 

“You.. probably will find it disgusting, as you should, but while she wanted the marriage—she never wanted us to be genuine. She just wanted it to be something for show and to bond our families for some deal and wanted me to remain emotionless with no loyalty to you, I guess.” 

The omega could only wince and nod at Jaehyun’s words. His mother was genuinely one of the worst people Yuta had ever known. 

Yuta felt bad for bringing it up in a somewhat light manner. Especially since it had also been his suggestion, two years ago now, over the phone—for them to start the process of the divorce. Now, two years later, and they were just getting to the end of it. 

“Regardless of how they feel about it, what we do with it is our choice now. We are both adults.” Yuta said softly. 

“As long as it’s what you want—then it’s what I want. I know I won’t be able to make up for my actions, so I’ll gladly do what is best for both of us.” Jaehyun spoke up again, and Yuta could practically hear the slightest bit of regret in his voice as he spoke. 

Why did he have to be so damn understanding now? Why couldn’t he be the villain for once, and make Yuta hate him again so that this was easier? 

Yuta wanted to speak up and respond, but he couldn’t. He feared saying the wrong thing now and making it all worse, so he simply hummed, and nodded, hoping that would suffice as an answer. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


“I’m not trying on that silver jacket again, Doyoung!” Yuta shouted from the bathroom after a knock came at the door. 

He was currently removing yet another, far too librarian-Esque sweater, as he had already tried on several outfit combinations whilst trying to get ready for his date that evening. 

Doyoung had even brought a couple of items from his wardrobe for Yuta to try, like the good friend he was, yet nothing seemed to fit the way he wanted it to. Yuta was a bit exasperated. 

He came out of the bathroom in a turtleneck and a pair of jeans, brushing the loose strands of hair from his face. 

“Yuta. You look good!” 

“It’s just not me at all,” Yuta whined, walking over to his bed and sitting down. 

“See, I told you that you should’ve invited Taeyong over for this instead. This isn’t my area of expertise.” Doyoung said, moving a sparkly tank-top out the way to sit down on the bed. 

Yuta didn’t reply, too busy reevaluating his decision to go out on a date on a weekday, after he had been busy working on a painting commission all day while simultaneously trying to watch and take care of Haeun during the second half of the day, after her daycare. 

She had adjusted well to everything, with a little bit of time, she was used to it now. She had only made two friends that Yuta knew of, but that was enough in his eyes. As long as she was having fun, that was all that mattered to him. 

However, that meant play-dates at the park had to be scheduled which took up even more of Yuta’s little time that he had. 

Due to his busy and time-consuming schedule, Yuta had watched the months fly before his eyes. It was now October, and about a week before his birthday, which felt surreal. He had already complained to Doyoung about how old he was getting, so his best friend certainly knew he was feeling sensitive. 

“You can pull off anything, Yuta. Is there.. maybe something else that’s bothering you?” 

“I’m just—burnt out from today. And... I should be looking forward to this date but instead, I’m kind of, dreading it. I don’t know.” Yuta rambled on, avoiding getting too deep into it. 

The real truth was that he had his divorce on his mind. He had been up late last night, filing through a bunch of papers and signing things. After Yuta had signed the last paper in his large stack, he noticed he needed Jaehyun’s signature along with his own. Once that was added, he would be finished with his part and it would soon all be over.

And Yuta didn’t know how to feel about it. The emotional turmoil it was causing him almost didn’t seem worth it, and there had been many times he’d considered asking Jaehyun to just agree to stay separated, but he knew deep down that it wasn’t right. Neither of them wore their rings anymore, but that didn’t mean that they weren’t seen as married by law. 

“Just think, you’ll be able to see Soohyun. And you still want to see him, right?” Doyoung asked, which caused Yuta to snap out of his state of zoning out. 

Soohyun was a great guy. He was kind and respectful, and he treated Yuta well. But… Yuta had expected to have fallen for him by now. Yet he was still reserved, holding parts of himself back the way he hadn’t before. Sure, there hadn’t been an instant connection with Jaehyun either, but there had been a pull there—some kind of tension. And Yuta wasn’t quite feeling that with Soohyun yet, and it made him guilty because he wanted to try. 

His cheeks burned with shame every time that he was with Soohyun and something reminded him of Jaehyun. 

“Yeah, I do,” Yuta replied, chuckling awkwardly. 

He wouldn’t reveal that even to his best friend. At least, not yet. He wasn’t ready to admit that he was still, after all this time, having trouble with moving on. Yuta wanted to try his best to focus on the future rather than the past, no matter how painful it was. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


“Haeun, do you need a snack before bedtime or are you still full from dinner?” Yuta asked after she had already had her bath. 

Yuta was in the middle of detangling her hair, making sure to brush it out carefully and use a gentle touch. She had gotten thick hair, most likely from both of their genes, since neither of them exactly had thin hair. 

“Yes, yogurt please.” She spoke softly. 

With the time that had passed, Haeun had already started talking more, and Yuta felt like a lot had to do with the more social environment she was in during the weekdays. Jaehyun had been right, it was a good change for her. 

“Okay, I’ll go grab it. You wait here.” Yuta said, setting the hairbrush down. 

He walked into the kitchen, grabbing a peach yogurt from the fridge, and then went to grab a spoon. His phone was plugged into an outlet on the counter, and he tapped it once, checking for any important texts. 

Yuta could see a text from Hikaru, double-checking if he still wanted to have brunch on Saturday, which he knew he’d need to get back to soon, and then another from Soohyun—who Yuta had sort of been.. avoiding lately. It was just temporary, he had told himself, while he worked everything out with his divorce. 

He headed back to the bathroom, where Haeun was poorly trying to brush her hair. 

“Remember, go from the ends to the roots, you don’t want to break any hair,” Yuta said, taking the brush from her and showing her how. 

The rest of their night was pretty relaxed, Yuta had allowed Haeun to finish her snack while he read her a story in bed, The giving tree, which was one of her favorites. 

Once it was time to turn off the light, Yuta turned on her nightlight and diffuser for her room. He walked over to her bed, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. 

“Papa,” Haeun said before Yuta could say goodnight like normally. 

“Yes?” 

She seemed to be thinking, from the contemplative look on her face alone. 

“I wish daddy would sleep here too sometimes. I want him to say goodnight to me too.” 

Haeun’s words were hard to hear, but Yuta had to put a smile on his face for her. 

“You can see him again on the weekend, okay?” Yuta whispered, softly brushing his hand to her cheek. 

He was trying his best to hold everything in, despite the way his face had tightened up. 

“Goodnight, Haeun. I love you.” 

“Love you too.” She whispered. 

Once the door was shut, Yuta found his way to his room somehow. He sat down on the bed with his legs up to his chin and took in a deep breath, but that wasn’t enough. He choked on air, as tears trickled down. Yuta didn’t understand why his hands felt clammy, and he was suddenly wracked with so much guilt, so much frustration that his daughter had to deal with the confusion of having separated parents. 

He had never wanted to witness this with his daughter, but it wasn’t like there had been much of a choice. Yuta knew there wasn’t anything good that came out of two people being together solely for a child and yet…

Yuta wondered if there was a possibility that he should try again—for their family. 

After he collected himself and his many, many racing thoughts, Yuta needed a distraction. 

His easel from the project he’d been working on earlier was still set up nearby the window in his room, but Yuta wasn’t in the mood to work on any commission. He removed the easel carefully, and went into his closet, digging out a new one. 

Yuta cared little about the specific choice of colors, and just let the brush flow, not focusing on any shapes or patterns. It came out majorly dark, due to all the black and maroon he’d used, but that didn’t matter. He just felt like expressing something in some way, instead of bottling it all up. 

  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Doyoung and Yuta were settled on the beta’s patio of his apartment. Taeyong was inside, busy with cooking breakfast, and had ordered both the other men to stay out of the way. 

Haeun was still at daycare, and Yuta had a couple more hours before he had to pick her up. 

Yuta had made the early trip over to Doyoung’s after his revelation last night, as he needed the extra support from his friend at a time like this. 

Or, possibly an awakening. 

“How long has Taeyong been over? Be honest.” Yuta said, grinning slightly at the way Doyoung rolled his eyes. 

“Like, three days,” Yuta squinted at him, clearly questioning the honesty of his statement, “okay, fine. Almost five now.” 

“God. You two make me sick. Move-in together already.” Yuta said, shaking his head. 

“Look, we are just.. getting to know each other.” 

“Hey. Call it whatever you want. I’m happy for you.” Yuta said, raising his arms to show his support. 

Doyoung didn’t say anything further, and Yuta knew that meant he didn’t want to discuss it anymore. 

Yuta adjusted his sunglasses, his hand reaching for the back of his neck. 

“Ah, my neck is sore. I was up late painting.” Yuta complained. 

“For a commission?” 

“No. I just needed to paint something.” Yuta shrugged. 

“Oh, I see.”

“I.. well. I started thinking, reconsidering things.” Yuta said, glancing out at the city view in front of them as he did. 

“By things... I think you mean—“ 

“Yes. My divorce.” 

“Yuta… why? You’ve been prepared to get it over with for years now.” Doyoung said, not holding back the disappointment in his voice. 

He nibbled his lower lip, unable to hide the way that his friend’s comments made him nervous. He was right, but at the same time, things were different than before. 

“Just… I wonder if I’m rushing into it. That’s all. If maybe I should give things one last try before I end it for good.” Yuta said. It was painful to admit out loud, and he was glad he’d worn sunglasses and a hoodie, as dramatic as it made him look, it was easier to hide away in his current attire. 

“Yuta. Please. You gave him so many damn chances—and.. plus. You had to live with the memories of your relationship whilst he got to start over all-new, in another country. That isn’t a fair balance at all.” 

“But, Doyoung... it’s different now. He isn’t the same as he was before.” 

Doyoung was not having it, it seemed. He crossed his arms, and Yuta could see the beta’s jaw was tight. 

“Listen. Do what’s best for you.. and Haeun. Just promise me that before you rush into anything, you talk with him. Figure out where he’s at too.” 

Yuta hummed in response, taking a few moments to cool down and think before he could answer his friend. He didn’t want to say anything rash. Yuta already felt like he’d said too much of what was going on inside of his conflicted brain for the day, and was in the mood to reel things back. 

“When do you think breakfast will be ready?” 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Yuta had been forced to talk to Jaehyun sooner than he’d prepared for, well, not exactly forced, but rather brought together—by their daughter. She had requested, earlier that morning, that both of them come to pick her up instead of one or the other. How, or when, she had become so particular, Yuta had no clue. 

They had taken Jaehyun’s car, and apart from greeting each other, the entire drive over had been silent. 

Jaehyun had finally gotten rid of the stubble he had been attempting to grow for a hot minute, and seeing his fresh face again reminded Yuta so much of the past—he couldn’t keep his mind off it. 

The young alpha was dressed nicely too since he was simply on his lunch break, he wore a blue button-up and white slacks. His appearance was clean, and appealing in all the right ways. 

Yuta, on the other hand, was dressed in all black sweatpants and a hoodie, which was his new favorite look. His laundry now consisted of mostly only black clothing. 

“Did you eat already?” Yuta asked, cringing internally at how the question had come out. 

“Uh. Yeah. I had a sandwich from home, nothing special.” Jaehyun said, tapping his hands on the steering wheel. 

Yuta took in a deep breath, at how plain and dry their conversation was at the moment. 

“Hey, so,” Jaehyun swallowed, turning to look at Yuta, “is there any way we could reschedule Friday?” 

Jaehyun had offered to babysit Haeun on Friday so that Yuta could take the day to get some shopping or such done. It wasn’t much of a problem if he canceled, because Yuta knew he could just ask Hikaru or Doyoung to take over instead. His shopping wouldn't have taken that long anyway, he had just wanted to give Haeun more time with Jaehyun since she seemed to be missing him as of late. 

“Why? Do you have a surgery or a shift to take on?” Yuta asked, curiously. 

“No. It’s… something else. I haven’t talked to you about but,” Yuta felt his heart drop to his stomach, “I just didn’t have time yet.” 

Yuta didn’t say anything, his pulse loud in his ears as he tried to prepare himself for whatever was coming. 

“I met someone. It’s funny, actually. I wasn’t looking, or anything, cause I don’t use dating apps. But I met someone through work. And... I have a date with him on Friday now. I blanked and said yes before I realized that it was this Friday and not the next.” Jaehyun rambled on, clearly very nervous. 

Yuta couldn’t feel a thing. He tried to process it but ended up biting the inside of his cheek instead. Of course, things would turn out this way, right when he was about to ask Jaehyun to sit down and have a real talk with him about everything. 

Perhaps it was a sign, he tried to justify, that it wasn’t meant to be after all. Nevermind, because Yuta was certainly not going to express his lingering feelings and last moment of desperation to try to rekindle what could’ve been left between them after what Jaehyun had just told him. 

“Yuta? I’m sorry I didn’t mention it sooner, I know you probably had plans too already, but I can make it up to you.” Jaehyun spoke softly, and the gentle tone of his voice made it all worse.

How bittersweet it was. Jaehyun had finally found new happiness right when Yuta was about to try to pull him back in. And how selfish it had been of Yuta to assume Jaehyun was holding out for him after all these years, waiting on the sidelines like some lovesick puppy—Yuta would never forgive himself for those thoughts. 

Yuta had been so close to changing his mind. 

“No worries,” Yuta said hoarsely, clearing his throat right away, “I’ll um, tell Haeun. And I can ask my sister, or Doyoung to watch her instead.” 

Yuta didn’t dare to make eye contact. He had just gotten Jaehyun back in his life as a friend, and he wouldn’t risk ruining that all because he couldn’t get himself out of the past. 

“Thank you. You’re the best, Yuta.” 

  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Almost a month later, Yuta had finally found a stable job. There was an opening at a museum near downtown for a museum curator, and after a job interview (which Yuta actually had little confidence in) he’d gotten the position. 

The hours were pretty strict. From 7:30 am—2 pm since it was a part-time position, except for on Fridays and Mondays where he got to take off at 1 pm. 

These hours meant that Yuta had to negotiate a bit of a change with the daycare, and now Haeun was there from 7 am to 1:30, except Doyoung or Hikaru—sometimes Jaehyun if he was on his break—would pick her up and drop her off at Yuta’s office. 

He had set up a small play area for her in there, with as much space as he could manage, which was just a couch and a small crate with a couple of toys and more drawing supplies. 

The early hours were a bit much for Haeun so she usually took a nap once they got back to the apartment, and that left time for Yuta to do some extra work on the computer. 

Yuta sighed, as he worked diligently on yet another update for the museum's website about a new gallery, since the intern had messed up some of the digital web design somehow, he had spent the past hour or so doing work. 

Haeun was in the middle of watching some cartoons with animated trucks and trains, which Yuta had truly no clue what all that was about, but whatever made it possible that he could get work done—he was thankful for. 

After he finished his work, pushing past the nagging in his head telling him to leave the rest for later so that he could get started on dinner for them already, he went to turn off the tv and gave Haeun a couple of picture books to look at instead. 

Some were things for memorization, such as pictures of animals or one about different parts of the human body. 

However, as Yuta was cooking, he discovered he had grabbed another book by accident in the process of handing his daughter some learning books—her photobook that wasn’t even done being put together. 

Haeun ran over to him, gleefully so, and showed the picture of Jaehyun and him at her very first birthday party, both posed with her in between their arms and smiling. 

“Oh!” Yuta exclaimed, “I was saving that for your next birthday, you weren’t meant to see it.” He mumbled, sighing deeply. There was no preventing it now. 

“Papa and Daddy.” She said softly, pointing at the picture again. 

“Yes, sweetie, and you.” 

“Me?” She asked, clearly not recognizing the much tinier baby in the picture. 

“Yes, that’s when you were one. You didn’t have as much hair as you do now, I know.” Yuta said, chuckling. He turned back to the sauce he was making, nearly scorching it with how distracted he had been by Haeun bringing the picture over to him. 

She sat by the floor next to him, looking at the other baby pictures and even the one that had been taken by Doyoung at the hospital—that Yuta hated because his hair was all matted and he looked like a sweaty mess. 

Yuta scooped her up, putting her into her high chair which she was slowly starting to get a little bit too big for, but nevermind that. He let her look at the photobook for a little longer. 

The birthday image she had shown him stayed on his mind as he finished up dinner, along with the memories of the chaos of her first birthday party. 

_Yuta felt like a fool—after so long it hurt so bad to see Jaehyun on his break from school, and even more, to see people from his own life standing there and talking to him like they were all on good terms._

_Yes, Taeyong was the one surprisingly in the middle of a conversation with Jaehyun. Yuta felt even worse for being angry about it and tried to ignore it and suppress it. Today was Haeun’s first birthday, and nothing was going to ruin that._

_Not even the way he still shivered at the touch of Jaehyun’s hand at his back as they posed like a happy family for a picture._

  
  


She wouldn’t have to know the way her father had been feeling at that birthday party, as Yuta planned to be strong for her always. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Work had been surprisingly slow all day, which meant that Yuta didn’t feel guilty about accepting Soohyun’s invitation to go eat lunch downtown with him. 

Or, at least, not guilty about leaving work. 

They were at a point in dating where Yuta knew it could turn serious any minute, and truthfully it scared him more than he was even willing to admit. 

After Soohyun had picked him up, they had decided to eat at a Chinese restaurant downtown. On the drive there, they talked about the current weather, and both of their opinions on snow (Yuta likes it, and believes it’s an essential part of Christmas) and other holiday things. 

When they arrived at the restaurant, it was a bit packed for lunch hour, yet when the host saw it was Soohyun, she beamed widely and got them a table right away. 

“They know you here?” Yuta asked, genuinely curious. 

“Yes. I’m somewhat of a regular.” 

“Oh, I see.” Yuta grinned, smiling softly. 

They went on to order drinks, and then for their food, Yuta tried to get away with only ordering a small soup, which alarmed Soohyun right away. 

“Yuta, are you feeling okay?” He whispered since the waiter was right by them.

He tried to play it off with an awkward laugh, reaching to pat the man’s hand under the table. 

“Yes, of course,” Yuta said, then turned to the waiter who was standing patiently, “that’ll be all.” 

“Are you sure? I know you lose your appetite when you’re stressed.” 

“Soohyun, don’t worry. I usually don’t have much of one anyway. It went away a lot after pregnancy.” Yuta excused, feeling even more guilty as he did. The fact that Soohyun cared enough to remember that Yuta lost his appetite while stressed made him feel very weird deep down. 

Soohyun continued staring intently, and Yuta knew he wanted a real answer behind the reason why Yuta was stressed and not some excuse. 

“But, I do have dinner with my parents later this week, which I’m kind of dreading. I have to tell them about my divorce being finalized now.” Yuta admitted, despite how painful it was to admit. 

“It’s okay to be stressed about something like that, Yuta. And you can tell me, I won’t judge you or find you wrong or anything. I know it can’t be easy to trust someone new with your problems but… I want to do everything I can.”

Yuta kept his eyes trained on the glass table in front of them, swallowing deeply. 

“Thank you so much, Soohyun.” Yuta faltered a smile, awkwardly blinking and trying to make eye contact with the taller man. 

He felt sick to his stomach, then. Not because Soohyun made him uncomfortable or was gross or repulsive in any way he was nothing like that, but the thought of being this way with someone new was making his heartache worse. 

Why did his heart feel so bad? 

_Because it was aching for someone else._

  
  


-

  
  


Today was one of those days where it was Jaehyun’s turn to pick Haeun up from daycare and drop her off at Yuta’s work. 

About 20 minutes before they were meant to arrive, Yuta found himself tidying up his office, just for his daughter, of course, no other reasons. 

He also used his phone camera to make sure he didn’t have anything on his face from lunch, and to brush out a couple of places where his hair had become tangled, probably from when he had shared a hug with Soohyun earlier and leaned his head against the alpha’s shoulder. 

Yuta realized his scent was probably lingering, and he closed his eyes momentarily. 

“Ah, why am I panicking so much?” Yuta whined out loud. 

He shouldn't care this much, plus, Jaehyun already knew about Soohyun. He was making a big deal out of nothing. 

Things had gone back to being a tad bit more awkward now that their divorce was finalized. Yuta didn’t know why, now that their marriage was over it should be time for them to become friends for real, but instead the pair of them could barely speak in sentences around each other. 

A knock came at his office door, snapping him out of his thoughts, and Yuta shrugged out of his suit jacket, which he had been debating if he should remove or not for the past five minutes or so. 

Yuta rushed to open the office door, opening it to see a slightly-sweaty Jaehyun and a beaming Haeun. When Jaehyun bent to set her down, Yuta’s eyebrows creased as he noticed that the alpha was the one wearing Haeun’s backpack from daycare, and not her. 

“Hello, sweetie, I missed you,” Yuta greeted his daughter first, giving her a quick hug before he stood back up, “Jaehyun—why are you wearing that backpack? It’s going to snap because of your shoulder muscles.” 

“She—she said it was bothering her, and I couldn’t just hold it in my hand while carrying her.” 

“Oh my god,” Yuta whined, “if it breaks because of that you’re buying a new one.” 

“Will do.” Jaehyun nodded in response, wincing a bit as he removed the tight fabric of the backpack. Yuta didn’t even know how the hell he’d managed to get it on in the first place. 

“Did you hike a mountain or something?” Yuta asked, in question at the subtle sweat on his forehead and general disheveled look of the man. 

“No. But Haeun didn’t want to walk the entire way here and up all those glass stairs to your office. Also, I ran all the way to my car from the hospital because I thought I’d be late to pick her up but, I made it on time. I just haven’t had the chance to catch my breath yet.” 

Yuta was baffled by Jaehyun’s ability to be swayed by his daughter’s every wish, if she didn’t want to wear her backpack, he’d wear it, and if she didn’t want to walk, he’d carry her. 

“Here,” Yuta walked over to the water purifying machine he kept in his office, grabbing one of the cups and filling it up, and handed it to the younger man. 

“Thanks.” 

Yuta glanced over at Haeun, who was already unpacking the contents of her backpack. 

“Was work super packed today?” 

“Yeah. There was an influx of new patients, I should get back soon.” Jaehyun answered, finishing off the rest of his water after he did. 

“Don’t.. push yourself too hard,” Yuta said, trying his best to still sound nonchalant. He didn’t want to sound like he was depending on the alpha or anything. 

“There’s no need to worry. I knew what I was getting into when I chose to be a surgical resident.” Jaehyun said—like it had all been just his choice. 

Yuta went quiet, taking in the taller man’s appearance once more. His hair was still pretty put together, with only a few loose dark brown strands that had fallen into his eyes, and, very in-character was his tailored white shirt. The way he looked right now reminded Yuta of when he’d show up at his old apartment after a long week of disappearing to study, with a similar look of contentment yet subtle exhaustion on his face to the way it was now. 

However, Yuta’s eyes did catch a real imperfection. 

“Your tie,” Yuta stepped forward, “Haeun often grabs and messes with ties. You have to watch out for it.” 

Jaehyun chuckled, and his smile remained as Yuta adjusted the head of the tie. 

Before the elder man could realize he was standing far too close, he looked up to find Jaehyun’s eyes staring down at him. There was something electric about Jaehyun’s stare, and just like being shocked by the static from fresh laundry when taking it out of the dryer—Yuta pulled his hand away quickly. 

“I’ll have to remember that.” 

“Are you still open to babysitting her for half the day on Saturday? Or have more plans come up?” Yuta asked. He made sure to check usually sometime in the middle of the week now; to give Jaehyun more time to object if he needed to reschedule. 

“Yes. I’ll take her to a new park,” Jaehyun said, then he walked over, crouching to where she was sitting, “hm? Does a new place to play sound like fun, Haeun?” 

She nodded, and then handed Jaehyun one of her dolls, presumably wanting him to play right now. 

Yuta cleared his throat, knowing Jaehyun had to leave within a couple of minutes. However, the younger man didn’t seem to mind as much and entertained playing with the dolls with her for a second. 

It was a bit shocking, how well Jaehyun had fallen into the role of a father with a terrible one as an example, and seeming so afraid or caught off guard by the idea of children before. 

“Haeun,” Jaehyun said finally, “give me a hug before I go now.” 

Yuta could see his daughter’s smile fade then, even as he leaned against the front of his desk, where he had been quietly watching them play for a couple of minutes. 

Haeun threw her arms around Jaehyun’s neck, and he patted her back right away. 

“Oh, Haeunnie. There, there.” Yuta heard him whisper. 

He picked her up and continued to pat her back in a comforting manner. Yuta remembered he had always held her in a similar manner when she was a much smaller baby when he would come and visit for the summer. 

Yuta looked away for a moment, going to reopen his computer since he had shut it down before they had arrived, and when he looked back up he heard the sound of sniffling. 

“Don’t cry,” Jaehyun hushed, parting the back of Haeun’s head now, “what’s wrong?” 

Yuta watched Haeun rub at her eye, pouting in an upset manner. 

“Did something happen?” Yuta asked right away, approaching them. 

Haeun didn’t answer, but she buried her face back into Jaehyun’s shoulder and cried again. 

“Maybe she didn’t nap during nap time?” Yuta whispered, hopefully just enough that Jaehyun would hear. 

Jaehyun was swaying back and forth, still trying to soothe their upset daughter. 

Then, they both heard it. 

“I don’t want daddy to leave for a while again.” 

Yuta’s throat choked up at his daughter’s quiet and small words, such a mature statement out of such a tiny human, that it pained him to hear it from her.

They had been struggling with this ever since Jaehyun had become a more permanent figure in her life, and now that she was getting older, and starting to understand things more—it was only expected of her to get upset whenever he got busy with work or she spent the majority of her time with Yuta due to his work only being part-time. 

“Hey, hey,” Jaehyun cooed, “it’s okay. I’ll be there to see you again on Saturday, okay? It’s in two days. Don’t you worry too much.” 

He bent down easily with her in his arms, and picked up her puppy stuffed toy, softly handing it to her. 

“Look, just think of me whenever you see this puppy, okay? I was the one who bought it, so, it’s pretty close, alright?” Jaehyun said, and Yuta smiled at how he was trying to negotiate with a toddler. 

It took another five minutes for them to both convince her that he wasn’t going away forever, and he’d return, and once she was at least a bit less hesitant, she sniffled as Jaehyun handed her gently over to Yuta. 

Who, was currently feeling a bit like chopped liver at her display of emotions.

“I can play too, Haeun.” Yuta tried to lighten the mood, gently holding his toddler’s smaller hand in his own. 

She didn’t answer, and Yuta just grew more worried. He watched as she continued to cling to the stuffy that Jaehyun had handed her, and took in a deep breath. 

  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


On the evening that Yuta was set to have dinner with his dreadful parents, by himself, Jaehyun had stepped in to watch Haeun at his apartment after Doyoung had to go help his mother move into a new house, which was urgent business. 

They ate at the same fancy, pretentious restaurant that they had always chosen, in a private room like they used to meet in with Yuta’s now ex-in-laws. 

The memories that the room brought back were draining. There was nothing good at all that had ever happened at this place. 

“Has your hair gotten even lighter?” Yuta’s mother commented after a couple of minutes of silence passed whilst they read over their menus. 

“No. I haven’t lightened it, it just gets lighter as you wash it.” 

“I thought the orange was permanent.” She said, waving her hand in a weird motion. 

“No. And it’s not orange, mother, it’s ginger. A bit more muted of color than orange.” 

Yuta’s father was entirely disinterested in their debate of hair colors, which wasn’t surprising. 

“How come you didn’t bring Haeun? Hm? Is she still too young to come to nice places like this?” 

Yuta could tell his mother was only trying to start an argument with that. If he had brought his daughter, she would’ve complained about her restlessness and distaste for sitting still, even though she was only three, as she had with him and each of his siblings. 

“She is, yes. She’s at my apartment with her dad.” Yuta sighed. 

“You use that term for him now?” She asked, looking slightly baffled. 

“What else am I meant to call him? A doner—“ 

“Both of you stop it.” His father grumbled, setting his menu down. 

Yuta’s mother scoffed, leaning back in her chair. He watched her lean up to adjust her diamond necklace. 

The room grew awfully quiet, and then a waitress stepped in, taking their orders at a fast pace. Yuta figured she was most likely used to his parents' impatience with slow waiters. 

“I’m… sure you both know why I wanted to have dinner. It’s pretty obvious now, right?” Yuta muttered, glancing down at the table. He knew he couldn’t prepare himself for the scolding he would surely get but he couldn’t avoid it either. 

“Just. Please listen to me, and understand that I tried.” 

“Yuta—“ His mother tried, already looking cross, but his father reached over, tapping her hand. 

“You both know of the way that my relationship with Jaehyun pretty much ended after he went to Oxford, and barely bothered to acknowledge me as he did. And.. this wasn’t just something I could sit back and be okay with. There were plenty of other problems with our relationship that I wouldn’t have normally put up with but did due to the arrangement. Now that it’s clearly been broken—“ Yuta took a deep breath in, after his rambling. 

“We finalized our divorce.” 

Once Yuta had finished speaking, the silence felt even more intimidating than before, practically suffocating around him. Both of his parents had unreadable expressions, and Yuta wished he could run out of there. He hadn’t wanted to have this dinner in the first place. 

“Mother—“ 

“After all we went through, all that we did for you. I should’ve known you’d repay us like this.” His mother said, her voice trembling slightly as she did. 

“Please, what about what I went through thanks to this very marriage being most of my identity from a young age? No matter whom I dated, I always knew who I’d eventually be forced to be with. And you think that’s okay? To do to your own son?” Yuta snapped, unable to hold it back after his mother had once again attempted to use guilt against him. 

“You talk like you were some prisoner! But your mother and I did what was best for you. We gave you a chance at being happy in a suitable marriage of two families that could’ve had a union together, for the first time in history.” His father was the one to speak up this time, as his mother was now putting on some dramatic act of being too distraught to speak. She even had her handkerchief out from her purse. 

“I shouldn’t have even bothered to tell either of you like this. But I wanted to try to be respectful, to give both of you a chance to try to understand that I did attempt to make that marriage work.” Yuta fired back. 

“You claim you tried, but you wouldn’t even follow him to live in England! And you couldn’t get him to stay here—“ 

“Quit blaming me,” Yuta said, standing up from the table finally, “it takes two people to destroy a marriage.” 

Yuta reached for his wallet and phone on the table, pocketing them. 

“I won’t sit here and be berated by you any longer. When you’ve calmed down, or perhaps had some kind of awakening, then contact me. But until then, I have no interest in what either of you has to say to me.” 

“Yuta!” His mother gasped, clearly surprised. 

That was when he knew he had done something right. If he had changed enough to leave his mother in shock, then that truly meant he was going in the right direction now. 

After so long, Yuta felt like a weight was off his shoulders as he walked back to his car, finally having stood up to his parents for good, and all on his own. Even if he was fully estranged from them now, that door was shut for good. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Yuta got back a lot earlier than either Jaehyun or Haeun had been expecting, and when he walked into the apartment he found they were in the middle of creating collage art on the kitchen table. He smiled at the sight, a bit shocked since it had been a while since he had seen Jaehyun get his hands in anything creative. 

Haeun greeted him, rushing towards him and Yuta picked her up before she got any closer. 

“Hey,” Yuta smiled as he balanced her on his hip, “are you guys doing an art project?” 

“You’re back earlier than I expected,” Jaehyun said, his deep voice sounding a bit flat as he spoke. 

As Yuta got closer, he had to suppress a chuckle as he realized the younger man was focused on cutting a small image of a white rabbit out with kids' scissors. 

“I shouldn’t have gone to dinner anyway. I should have just told her over the phone. Or not at all. I don’t know why I tried to give them so much grace.” Yuta said, shaking his head. He put Haeun back down, and she resumed the crafting eagerly. 

“Because Yuta. You’re a much better person than most would be in the situations you’ve been in.” Jaehyun said, without even looking up. 

Yuta hummed, unable to force himself to say another awkward ‘thank you,’ that would just leave him feeling strangely vulnerable if he did. 

“Have you told your parents yet?” Yuta asked, making sure not to use the d-word around Haeun. 

“My mother is in Greece, and my dad… well. I don’t know where he is. Probably wasted somewhere. I don’t know how invested either of them is anymore. Once I got this job, as a resident in a city hospital, and.. I’ve been busy with Haeun, both of them seem to have left me alone. For now, at least.” 

_Good. It better stay that way._

“Isn’t it insane? How invested they used to be in our personal lives?” Yuta said, chuckling bitterly. 

“It truly is.” 

Yuta couldn’t bring himself to linger on the topic anymore. He went quiet and began to boil some water for tea, as he let Haeun and Jaehyun craft together, listening to their cute discussions about color schemes and which pictures to use in their collages. 

Despite the way that Jaehyun had been brought into his life, each time Yuta tried to imagine a life where he didn’t have Haeun, he felt sick to his stomach. There was always a reason for everything, and part of him wondered if they had been brought together for her alone. 

Or—could there still be something for them to build? After everything from their troubled past had been destroyed? 

Yuta knew that whatever the case was, he was slowly losing it wondering. 

-

  
  


Once the first week of December hit, Yuta finally believed that the holiday season rush at work wasn’t any old myth. 

They rarely had to schedule large meetings with all the museum staff, but now nearly every day they were in some kind of meeting, which, without fail, would run over the time Yuta was meant to go home. That also meant that he still had his work to get back too in his office, so he was staying later than usual. 

When he finally got back to sitting at his desk, now stacked high with papers, his phone rang, with some investor calling. 

“I can’t catch a break,” Yuta whined out loud. 

He had spoken too soon because about two minutes into the call, an intern rushed up to his door to tell him there was someone at the front desk waiting for him. Yuta assumed it was just Jaehyun and Haeun, and perhaps the intern was new and unsure if she should allow them in or not. 

With a puzzled face, Yuta told her to let them in, then apologized to the investor for pulling away from the phone. 

“Of course, expanding to other, more avant-garde artists would be good, I’m just saying that a special exhibit to start that would be best—“ 

The clicking sound of heels startled him, and Yuta glanced up from his desk to see someone he didn’t exactly want to be standing there, in the middle of his office.

She pursed her signature-red lips, sunglasses covering her eyes, and her skin slightly tanned and aged a bit as well, probably from the sun. 

Yuta made up an excuse to the investor and scheduled a later time to call again, then hung up. 

“What are you doing here?” Yuta asked, standing up from his desk. He wasn’t exactly going to be inviting towards the woman who had been the source of plenty of his pain and constantly made it her job to insult and berate him. 

“I found out from an acquaintance that you were working here. And I just found that so.. interesting. I thought you had to have a college degree to work at a museum like this,”

Jaehyun’s mother was still as overstepping and rude as she always had been, and alike to being unable to smack a fly with a swatter, she just wouldn’t go away. 

“I do have a college degree.” 

She removed her sunglasses cooly and put them in her small, expensive-looking purse.

“Nothing ivy-league though, so is it really?” She said, squinting her eyes in a passive-aggressive nature. 

“I’m busy, it’s the holiday season, if you don’t have anything important to say to me then I would like you to leave,” Yuta said, walking back over to his desk. 

“What an awful way to address your mother-in-law—“ 

“Ex. Mother-in-law.” Yuta corrected. 

She scoffed at that, and the sound of her heels clicking grew closer. 

“Yes. I’m aware you weren’t strong enough to face the realities of marriage and caved into divorce. It’s sad, isn’t it? You come from such a prestigious family yet being unable to make it through the trials of marriage—“ 

She was cut off again, but this time it was by another voice. 

Jaehyun had shown up, right on time as usual, and cleared his throat. Haeun was standing by his side, holding tightly onto his side. She turned her face away when Jaehyun’s mother looked at them. 

“Mother, what is this?” Jaehyun said, barely hiding any of the malice in his tone as he spoke. Yuta could see the tenseness in his jaw, and the vein that had started to show at his forehead. 

Yuta walked over to them, scooping Haeun up easily. He knew she wouldn’t be able to understand what was going on, but he still didn’t want her to be exposed to it. Yuta made direct eye-contact with Jaehyun, trying to signal this. 

Jaehyun nodded, and walked forward, moving to gesture for his mother to walk out of the room with him. 

“I see neither of you wants me to meet my grandchild, hm?” She said, a bitter and sharp sound to her voice. 

It made Yuta uncomfortable enough that he reached up to cover Haeun’s ear as she rested her head on His shoulder. 

“Come on. You’re leaving.” Jaehyun hissed, and then he was nearly pushing her out of the office with him. 

After Yuta checked to make sure Haeun was okay, setting her down on the couch in his office and handing her a couple of toys to keep her occupied, Yuta walked to the glass door of his office and poked his head out. 

Jaehyun and his mother were at the end of the hallway, and even a stranger would be able to see that they were in an argument. 

“I can’t believe you don’t see how he’s just using your time and money. Did I fail that much as a parent? That you can’t tell how that wench is—“ 

Yuta already knew she was addressing him, and the lovely choice of nickname only confirmed it. 

“Don’t you dare insult him. Ever.” Jaehyun snapped, and Yuta froze at his words. 

“You show up again to this place—or any place, where my child and her father are, and I won't be as polite with you as I am now. Get out, I know you have nothing good to say to either of them.”

Yuta hadn’t expected such a protective nature. Perhaps, he had expected him to give her a warning, or question what her intentions were, but such a firm and strong statement? Yuta was truly taken aback. 

“Jaehyun! I am your mother, and you are treating me like some stranger—“ 

“No. That’s what you are to me now. You haven’t accepted my daughter and you always treated her father like dirt when he didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve to deal with the dysfunction that our entire family is. I don’t want to see you again.” Jaehyun said, with a very final tone in his voice. 

When he started to turn around, Yuta slipped back into the office. His mouth was dry as ever after what he had just witnessed. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


Christmas was certainly going to be different this year.

The past three years, Doyoung and Taeyong had been the ones to host Christmas parties, all at Doyoung’s place—but now that the pair of them had finally gotten their romantic relationship together, they had just gotten a new apartment that they were currently in the middle of renovating. 

So, when Doyoung had sadly delivered the news that there would be no Christmas party this year, Yuta had stepped up and offered to host it at his place. However, he had backed out of the task of organizing, which of course Taeyong had no problem taking over. 

“Let’s invite Taeil and Yunho, they’re always fun to have over. I already know Sicheng is out of town for the holiday season, and—“ 

“Probably best to keep the guest count short, I don’t have much space,” Yuta interjected, as he glanced over Doyoung’s shoulder at the invite list he was making. 

“He’s right,” Taeyong replied, glancing around Yuta’s cozy kitchen.

“Anyone you want on the list, Yuta?” Doyoung offered. 

“Um, Hikaru and her husband, will probably stop by for a bit.” Yuta murmured, as he continued to put away groceries. 

“And I’ll invite Soohyun myself.” 

“Is that it?” Doyoung asked, clearly something underlying in his voice. 

Yuta was unsure if it was wrong or right to invite Jaehyun. But then again, if this was going to be Haeun’s first time at a Christmas party, since every year before she’d been babysat, he would probably need all the help he could get from her father. 

“Um, put Jaehyun on the list too. I’ll need his help with Haeun.” Yuta spoke quickly. 

He heard his friends snickering quietly, and turned around to glare at the backs of their heads. 

“And a plus one for him. For that guy he's seeing, um—Minhyuk.” 

The words tasted bitter on his tongue. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


Yuta had been cooking since the afternoon, and he was tired of it. Doyoung had helped some, but for the most part, it had been Yuta’s chaos alone. 

Taeyong had also been the one to set up nice little Christmas decorations around the living room and in the kitchen, along with strings of twinkly lights that added a nice ambiance to the house. Taeyong had gone out and gotten an assortment of Christmas party hats for each person to wear. 

“You got too many Santa hats!” Doyoung exclaimed in a whine, and Taeyong just plopped a mistletoe hat onto Doyoung’s head in response. 

“Hey, Yuta, you want Santa or reindeer?” Taeyong asked, only holding up two options.

“Reindeer,” Yuta said with a snort. 

Yuta and Haeun had put up the Christmas tree yesterday together, and decorated it too, which meant the majority of the ornaments were at the bottom of the tree. 

Hikaru and her husband had arrived the earliest, and Yuta knew it was because Hikaru loved how excited Haeun got when they could play games together. He felt a pain in his chest at times, for his sister alone, because he knew how much she had wanted to have children. But, at the same time, she looked so happy to be an aunt. 

Soohyun arrived only minutes after, and Yuta greeted him first with a kiss on the cheek and one of the Santa hats being placed on top of his head. They linked arms and walked into the kitchen together and Yuta almost died from embarrassment at the ‘oooh’ sound his sister let out. 

Then, Yunho and Taeil had arrived with a couple of presents, some candy canes, and champagne. 

It was their first time meeting Haeun, which meant that she ran into her room when they came into the door, and Yuta told them to give her about ten minutes before she came back out. 

“Haeun,” Yuta knocked on her door before coming in, to let her know it was him, “why did you hide?” 

Haeun was settled on her tiny bed, that puppy stuffy that she took everywhere now was on her lap, and she looked up at Yuta like he was some kind of traitor. 

“You said daddy and his new friend were coming. That’s not them.” 

“I know, Haeun. Those are my other friends. When we have guests, you don’t have to come out of your room the whole time, you can play in here all you want and I can even ask auntie if she wants to play too for a bit, but.. at least come and say hello, so they can meet you. Is that okay?” Yuta asked softly, holding out his hand to her as an offer of peace. 

He knew she wasn’t behaving this way out of any bad intent, she was only a toddler and it was hard for her to be open to meeting new and different people. He would never be upset with her over some little confusion. 

So, after Yuta picked her up in his arms, and took her back out of her room, both Taeil and Yunho smiled at the sight of her. 

“How old are you?” Taeil asked, beaming. 

“3.” Haeun answered, holding up three fingers before she put her chin on Yuta’s shoulder, still a bit shy. 

After they greeted her, getting only nods or shakes of the head with the rest of the questions they attempted to ask her, Yuta let her down so that she could go back into her room. 

“I love the way you decorated everything,” Yunho said, settling down into one of the kitchen chairs, next to Taeil. 

“Oh, all the credit for that goes to Taeyong,” Yuta said, leaning over to pat Taeyong on the shoulder, “and his Santa hat.” 

“Hey! Wait, that reminds me, I haven’t given either of you one!” 

The party began to grow louder with noise, now that Doyoung had put some old-fashioned Christmas music on with his speaker, it had begun to sound like a real party. 

Yuta received a text from Jaehyun, saying he had gotten stuck in traffic but was nearly there. His stomach did a flip at the news. Jaehyun and he had talked earlier about the party, as the younger man had checked in twice already to make sure it was okay if he brought Minhyuk. 

It didn’t help that his feet were killing him. The new shoes he’d bought seemed to be a size too small, and he was certain he’d have blisters on the soles of his feet by the end of the night. 

Yuta was also burning up a bit in his sweater, which he had already rolled the sleeves upon, but the mauve-colored cotton material wasn’t cooling him down at all. 

In the middle of some card game that Yuta already knew he was going to lose, the doorbell rang. 

“That’ll be them.” He whispered, not expecting anyone to hear him, but then he felt Soohyun squeeze at his side unexpectedly. 

“It’ll be okay.” The older man said, clearly catching on to Yuta’s anxiousness. 

It made him feel more vulnerable, that his nervousness was obvious to the man he was meant to be devoted to and dating. 

Doyoung greeted them first like it was his apartment, and Yuta was thankful for him because it took him a couple of seconds to get to his feet. 

“Hey, Jaehyun,” Yuta said, awkwardly leaning in for a side hug, which was how they greeted now, but he realized it looked weird to only greet him and went to shake Minhyuk’s hand quicker than he should have as a result, “nice to meet you.” 

They seemed to be about the same height, but, as Yuta glanced down at the floor he saw that Minhyuk was wearing heeled boots. 

“Nice to meet you too, Yuta. Your place looks lovely.” Minhyuk said. 

“Thank you,” Yuta said, then, realizing his hosting skills sucked, “please come to the kitchen. We’re in the middle of a card game now, but I’m sure we’ll start a new one soon.” 

“Nice,” Jaehyun said, as he removed his shoes, “where’s Haeun?” He asked right away.

“In her room, Jae. She doesn’t want to come out. It’ll probably take her a while to get used to the guests and by that time it’ll be her bedtime.” Yuta said, softly. He knew Minhyuk was looking around the room to act like he wasn’t listening. 

“I’ll go see how she’s doing,” Jaehyun said, his hand brushing Yuta’s as he walked past him. 

Now, it was just Yuta and Minhyuk standing in the hallway. 

“Uh,” Minhyuk pulled a gift from behind his back, “we brought this for you.” 

“Oh, my, you didn’t have to,” Yuta stated, stepping closer to the man to accept the gift from him.

“It’s nothing really, just some candles. Jaehyun said you burn through them quickly, so I said why not buy some more then?” Minhyuk said, letting out a breathy laugh after. 

“Ah, yes that’s true. I’ve probably burned through some this evening already, so, thank you. It’s perfect.” 

Yuta and Minhyuk walked back into the kitchen, with as much comfortable distance given the lack of space they had in the apartment, and there Taeyong was, waiting to ask if Minhyuk wanted to wear a Santa or reindeer hat—before even greeting him with hello. 

He chuckled as he watched Doyoung lean back, tapping Taeyong’s arm and reminding him to say hello first. 

Jaehyun still wasn’t back from Haeun’s room, which allowed Yuta to slip away from the chaos of the kitchen as well, back to where their bedrooms were located. 

Haeun was showing him her drawing pad, with a twinkle in her big eyes as she did. Yuta stood at the door frame, crossing his arms.

He had to hold back a scoff as his eyes drifted up to the Santa hat settled perfectly on top of Jaehyun’s head. 

“Are you happy now, Haeunnie?” Yuta teased, grinning even wider as she giggled when looking up at him. 

“Yes, papa.” 

Yuta settled down on the floor with his legs crossed and noticed there was a small package, wrapped in colored wrapping paper on the bed. 

“Jaehyun, did you bring that?” 

“Yeah,” Jaehyun said, turning around to grab it, “since Christmas is tomorrow, and I forgot to bring this one when I dropped off the other gifts, I brought it now.” 

“You already got her like—six, Jaehyun,” Yuta whispered, shaking his head at Jaehyun’s insistence to be the one to spoil their daughter on Christmas morning. 

“Shh,” Jaehyun said, holding his finger over his lips. 

It took Yuta a second before he realized half of those presents were meant to be from Santa. It was strange to see Jaehyun playing along with that concept because he had always been a kind of skeptical man. Jaehyun didn’t believe in horoscopes, or ghosts, or the afterlife—but he would play along with the idea of Santa for his daughter. 

“Aren’t you so excited for tomorrow, Haeun? You’ve even been doing a countdown calendar for it.” Yuta said, tickling his daughter’s side for a second to hear the lovely sound of her laughter again. 

“I wanna open presents. From Santa too.” 

The two men glanced at each other knowingly and smiled. 

“Of course,” Jaehyun said, giving her a gentle pat on her head. 

They spent over ten minutes with her, as she showed off various scribbles and shapes that she had made, with much glee.

Hikaru showed up eventually to take over, and Yuta knew that probably meant everyone was wondering where the host—him—as default, had gone. 

When they returned, it seemed like Doyoung, a bit flustered as usual, was already in the process of organizing a game. 

Jaehyun and Yuta took their respective seats, Yuta back in his chair next to Soohyun, and the younger man next to Minhyuk. 

They were sitting across from each other. It felt weird, it felt wrong, but Yuta ignored it. 

Soohyun put his arm up on the back of Yuta’s chair, and Yuta turned to glance at him. 

“Is Haeun okay?” 

“Yeah, my sister is watching her now. She doesn’t like party games anyway, so she has no problem spending time with her.” Yuta said. 

“Great.” 

They both turned their attention towards Doyoung, who was standing at the head of the table. 

“So, I’ve passed out paper to everyone, and the premise of the game is that everyone writes down a question about someone in this room, and then you put it into this bowl,” Doyoung paused to hold up a plastic, pink-colored bowl, “and we shake all the questions up. Then, you’ll see that each of you have a cup. With the cup, it stays upright unless you think you have an answer to the question, if you have an answer, you turn the cup upside down. Easy, right?” 

God, Yuta had no clue where he even got the idea for this game from, but it sounded like it would only be trouble. 

He watched as Jaehyun’s lips curved into a smile at the incentive of competition, and Yuta knew how the younger man was awfully eager to win any game, even with no real prize at the end of it. 

Yuta played it safe and put in two questions about Taeyong and Doyoung—easy ones. However, he disliked the idea of being perceived with whatever questions would surely be in the bowl about him. 

He couldn’t get an answer in the first round, but on the second one, when the simple and easy question of ‘What is Doyoung’s favorite ice cream flavor?’ came up, Yuta flipped his cup and answered with ‘dark mocha,’ easily. 

He stayed quiet on the questions about Taeyong, not because he didn’t know the answers to most, but because Doyoung was just a little too passionate about answering them and he feared what would happen if he challenged his friend, even as a joke. 

“What was the first movie Yuta watched in theaters as a child?” Doyoung asked, tossing the roll of paper aside. 

Both Doyoung, Soohyun, and Jaehyun all flipped their cups. 

“Spirited away—“ Jaehyun breathed out before anyone else could get a chance to speak. 

Yuta only met his gaze for a second after that. 

“What is Taeyong’s occupation?” 

“Oh my god, who wrote that—what an easy question,” Taeyong whined, as everybody at the table flipped their cups. 

The game got a bit repetitive after a while, especially when they went one whole round with only Jaehyun scoring questions. 

Yuta cringed internally as he got every question about him right. 

“Does Yuta like spicy food?” 

“I know you wrote that, Kim Doyoung—“ 

The sound of a loud cup flipping echoed through the small room and Jaehyun was interrupting him again. 

“No. He won’t even try it.” 

Yuta could hear Soohyun letting out an awkward laugh under his breath. It had been one of the topics on their second date, as Soohyun was a huge fan of spicy foods while Yuta didn’t like food to be overpowering enough that it made his ears burn. 

Minhyuk, Soohyun, and Hikaru’s husband all failed to get any points. Surprisingly Yunho and Taeil were able to get 2 points each, while Doyoung got 4, Taeyong got only 1, Yuta got 3—and Jaehyun, annoyingly, got 6. 

The game ended on that note, and Yuta fought not to roll his eyes at Jaehyun’s satisfaction with himself for winning. 

It was time for dinner after that, and Yuta went to make a plate for Haeun first before he sat down to eat himself. 

He peaked in, seeing Hikaru and Haeun were quite busy. Haeun was using some of the face paint she had just gotten, to do his sister’s makeup, and.. the results were quite terrifying. 

“It’s time for dinner, Haeun,” Yuta called, then mouthed to his sister, “you look like a clown.” 

Hikaru checked herself in the camera of her phone, as Yuta walked in the room with the small plate he’d made up for Haeun. 

“Wow, your daughter is truly a makeup artist in the making I think,” Hikaru said, as she smudged some of the red mess around the corners of her lips. 

Haeun went and sat at the small art station in the corner of her room, now that she was big enough to eat without a high chair, she still used a small table and chair, but typically her small chair was out at the big table in the kitchen. Due to the party, it had been moved back into her room. 

“You’re lucky you didn’t have to play that game. You would’ve hated it.” Yuta said, taking a deep breath. It wasn’t a happy sound. 

“I could hear Jaehyun.” 

Yuta resisted the urge to facepalm at his embarrassing ex-husband. He didn’t know how he was going to explain it to Soohyun at the end of the night. 

“Exactly. I think the whole block could.” Yuta mumbled, even though his daughter wouldn't have a clue what he meant, as she was far too occupied with the bread roll in her hand. 

Yuta decided to eat in the room with his daughter, not quite at the stage where he felt comfortable leaving her to eat alone, and Hikaru joined him as well. 

He was quite happy that he still had someone from his family that he could be close with. With the way they had grown up, it was inevitable that they felt a bond towards each other, and while there was no need to express it with any words, they were able to understand each other on an important level. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


The night started to slow down eventually, and Yunho and Taeil were the first ones to head home. Then, shortly after, Soohyun had to go home due to a court appearance for a client he had to be present at by 11:30. 

Yuta made sure to walk him down to his car. Soohyun hadn’t drunk the entire night, of course, but he was the man Yuta was seeing, so Yuta knew what the respectful thing to do was. 

“Thank you for inviting me to your Christmas party, Yuta,” Soohyun said. 

He had placed his hands in the pockets of his slacks, and combined with his fashionable glasses and the coat thrown over his shoulder, he looked very put-together. 

“Of course. I’m glad you could come.” Yuta said, softly. 

“I had fun. Although... I would’ve liked to win at that game.” Soohyun said, a slight grin showing up on his face as he did. 

“I know. Sorry—it’s... Jaehyun is a competitive soul. It didn’t mean anything he just—likes to win.” Yuta said. He wasn’t sure why he was over-explaining, or why he was making such a big fuss over it. 

Soohyun nodded awkwardly, his lips going from a smile to a pursed line. 

“Well, goodnight, Yuta,” Soohyun said, leaning in to hug him as usual. 

Part of Yuta wished that just once, Soohyun wouldn’t feel bad being a bit more foreword. He had always been the one against going slow, but right now, he felt like not feeling wanted by the man he was seeing was the last thing that he needed. 

Especially with how conflicted he was still feeling. After all this time. 

  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  


When Yuta trudged back up to his apartment, he found that Taeyong and Doyoung, along with Minhyuk and Jaehyun, were all helping to tidy up the place. 

“Ah, there is no need for that,” Yuta said, taking the giant spoon Doyoung was holding out of his hand and placing it in the sink himself. 

“Nonsense,” Doyoung said, continuing to busy himself with the dishes, “you need to put Haeun to bed.” 

“And you need to get back to your fixer-upper house,” Yuta replied. 

“In a bit,” Doyoung said, and Yuta knew that meant no. 

“And also you guys didn’t even contribute to half this mess,” Yuta said, turning to Minhyuk and Jaehyun, who were busy with throwing away all the little questions on the pieces of paper. 

“Yuta, don’t worry. I want to be here to put Haeun to bed too.” Jaehyun said. 

“But.. and you too, Minhyuk—“ 

“No, it’s okay! We took separate cars.” 

Psh, What kind of couple takes separate cars? Yuta thought, unable to push the thought away now. 

“I’ll leave soon, I just wanted to clean up at least some of the mess here,” Minhyuk said, picking up one of the plastic champagne flutes from the table. 

“Well, thank you. It means a lot.” Yuta said. 

He was sort of the worst at being cordial. But, clearly this guy had to be sort of important, right? If Jaehyun wanted to bring him as a plus-one, then did that mean that one day he could be Haeun’s stepdad? 

Yuta continued to think about it, even as he went back to Haeun’s room, where he found Hikaru had already bathed her and braided her hair (slightly better than Yuta ever did it) and they were currently picking out a book. 

“Hikaru, it’s late. I can read to her now, I’m sure you guys aren’t looking forward to the drive back home.” 

“The 30 minutes does suck,” Hikaru said, then leaned down, patting Haeun’s cheek, “which is why you guys need to move closer to us.” 

“Uh, no. Other way around.” Yuta argued. 

Haeun gave Hikaru a long hug before she left, even her version of a kiss on the cheek, which was really just pressing her entire face to the person’s cheek, but still cute and effective. 

Yuta grinned when Haeun got into bed herself after that, and he could tell she was slowly having a sugar crash, after the small piece of Christmas cake he had given her after she had finished her dinner. 

He was in the middle of telling her a story when she closed her eyes. Yuta hadn’t even gotten to tell her goodnight yet. 

Jaehyun came in a couple of minutes after Yuta had already turned her light off, and was putting away some of the books she had torn off the shelf with the light from her nightlight. 

“She’s asleep?” Jaehyun whispered in surprise. 

“It was a different night for her than usual. She played with Hikaru for a long time, so she was very tired.” Yuta whispered back. 

Jaehyun walked over, fixing the covers over her, and leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head just like Yuta had moments before. 

They walked out quietly, both turning to take one last peek at her sleeping as they did. 

Yuta left the door cracked in case she needed to get up in the middle of the night, and because that was how she preferred to keep it. 

When Yuta walked back into the kitchen, it was far too spotless. He didn’t deserve his friends. 

“Doyoung,” Yuta said, moving to hug his friend from behind, “you’re a Christmas miracle.” 

“Shut up,” Doyoung laughed, “you cooked. It was only right that we did the cleaning.” 

Yuta went to hug Taeyong next, chuckling at how the elder man was hiccuping. He was obviously drunk. 

“You guys are both taking an uber, right?” Yuta asked. 

He glanced around the room once more, realizing Minhyuk wasn’t there for him to thank. 

“Did he leave already?” Yuta asked, glancing over his shoulder at where Jaehyun was standing in the kitchen. 

“Yeah. About 20 minutes ago.” Jaehyun replied flatly. 

“Oh. Well, tell him I said thank you again, if you get the chance.” 

Yuta followed his slightly inebriated friends to the elevator, watching them closely. 

“Text me when you get home!” Yuta called to

Doyoung, who had a very clingy Taeyong resting against his shoulder. 

Doyoung waved bye as the elevator doors shut, and Yuta turned back, going to his apartment. 

It felt bigger walking inside, but he knew that was only because of how cramped it had grown during the party. He slipped off the house slippers that he had shoved on only to make sure Doyoung and Taeyong had made it to the elevator and locked the door behind him. It took Yuta a second to realize Jaehyun would need to leave too, but he’d unlock it for him whenever that was. 

Jaehyun was currently in the living room, and Yuta got a glimpse of his figure before he headed back into the kitchen. 

There was a leftover bottle of red wine, which was expensive and aged, that had been gifted to him by Taeyong that Yuta had been waiting to finish once the party had ended, even secretly having brought out another bottle of champagne for the guests to finish instead. 

“Hey, Jaehyun, you want some of this wine?” Yuta called out. 

Jaehyun shuffled back into the kitchen, walking over by Yuta’s side so that he could examine the bottle himself. 

“Shit, this is a nice one,” Jaehyun said. He sounded way more relaxed than normal, which caused Yuta to eye him suspiciously. 

“How many glasses of champagne did you have already?” 

“Only like, three,” Jaehyun said. 

“You’re not driving.” 

“Am I being held hostage?” Jaehyun asked, giddily. 

He sounded a bit too excited about that. 

“No. You just need to take an uber or taxi instead.” 

“You played the mom friend tonight. It’s nice to see you in that role.” Jaehyun said. He did tend to get a bit more honest and brave even while tipsy, so the admission wasn’t all that shocking. 

“Have not,” Yuta argued. Even though he had been the one making sure everyone got home on time and safe. It just felt like the right thing to do since he was hosting. 

They moved to the living room and sat down on the couch together. Yuta filled up both of their wine glasses to the brim, handing Jaehyun his. 

“You spill that on the couch and you’re paying for a new one, Dr. Jung,” Yuta said, warningly. 

Haeun had already gone to bed, so there was no excuse for Jaehyun to still be there. But Yuta didn’t have the heart to kick him out yet. He wanted to wait until Jaehyun left himself. 

“It’s you who I’d worry about spilling.” 

Yuta shook his head, taking a sip of the wine, and humming at the strong and bitterly sweet flavor of it, the way it burned in the back of his throat was so satisfying. 

“No, I’m not as clumsy as I was when I was young,” Yuta said. 

“Oh, you’re old and wise now?” Jaehyun said, continuing with his one-sided banter. 

“Yes. I’m old and scary and wise.” 

“Some—some people might think of you as cool… or cold… when they first meet you. But I always knew you were nice and shy. Deep down.” Jaehyun said, his eyes trained on Yuta as he took another sip of wine. 

“Quit doing that,” Yuta mumbled, grabbing a woolen blanket off the back of the couch, and wrapping it around himself. 

“Doing what?” Jaehyun asked, his eyebrows creasing slightly. 

Even though he had kissed Jaehyun before, and spent plenty of moments reminiscing on their very last kiss—secretly wishing for a re-do—Yuta was still staring directly at his lips. 

“Knowing me so well. It’s frustrating.” Yuta took another sip of his wine, trying to focus on that rather than whatever he was feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

“Hate to break it to you, Yuta. But you’re pretty unforgettable.” 

Everything was becoming grey for Yuta. He was having trouble telling where the line between friendship with his ex-husband was, and where their past romantic history lay. 

So, Yuta smiled and looked away. 

“Shut up. Let’s play Mario Kart.” 

Jaehyun sat up straight away at that proposition. 

  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


Yuta was warm. Far too warm, much more than he had ever woken up to in his apartment. More than he had been in the past for nearly 4 years. 

He stirred slightly but ignored it. Instead, Yuta leaned back into the warmth that smothered him, not wanting it to end anytime soon, and tried to fall back into a deep sleep. 

Yuta had no way of telling how much time had passed when he heard the soft pattering of footsteps on the floor, which his brain was practically trained to recognize as the sound of his daughter, so he knew it was past the time to wake up now. 

But, he was so warm and comfortable— 

That was when Yuta finally came to his senses and felt the touch of a hand on his hip, and another tucked underneath his body, wrapped around his waist. There was also breath fanning on the back of his head, and a wool blanket was thrown over both of their bodies. 

_Jaehyun_. 

Yuta didn’t know when they had fallen asleep, or how they had both ended up on the couch together, sharing the blanket that Yuta had previously been using all for himself. 

But what he did know was the sound of his daughter giggling gleefully. 

Yuta peeked one eye open, seeing Haeun standing there and staring at them intently. He threw the blanket off his upper torso, and Jaehyun’s as a result. 

“It’s morning!” She said gleefully and stepped forward to shake Jaehyun’s arm, still thrown over Yuta’s body, which Yuta’s eyes widened as he realized Jaehyun still hadn’t woken up yet. 

He cleared his throat, and kicked his foot back against Jaehyun’s legs, hearing the younger man groan. 

“Yes, Christmas morning,” Yuta said hoarsely, moving away from Jaehyun. He didn’t think Haeun thought anything of the two of them being asleep on the couch, she seemed more occupied with the fact that it was morning and finally time to open presents, and the fact that Jaehyun was there too than anything else.

“Hold on, let’s have breakfast first,” Yuta said, trying to swallow. 

He was hungover, and needed water, but also already battling the uncomfortable feeling of having woken up in the arms of his ex, asleep in the middle of his living room on his loveseat together. There was nothing normal about their situation at all. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  


Jaehyun had finally stirred after Haeun jumped on him and practically shoved him off of the couch, while Yuta had started making breakfast. 

The alpha was way more hungover than Yuta himself, having drunk several glasses of champagne on top of the wine they’d chosen to finish off together. 

But, they were both adults now, and Yuta knew that meant they weren’t going to linger on the topic of having drunkenly fallen asleep together on the couch. There were plenty of explanations for it. They had been tired, and disoriented, and most of all far too lazy to move after practically playing Mario kart for the entire night. 

Not exactly the smartest decisions, but the coffee that Yuta had started brewing in the machine was certainly going to help. 

Yuta felt a nudge at his shoulder, while he was in the middle of cutting a carrot. 

“Here,” Jaehyun said, handing Yuta a different type of knife, “If you cut with this one it’ll be a bit easier. And make sure to cut the bottoms of the carrots first.” 

“I know, Jaehyun,” Yuta said, rolling his eyes, “well. I didn’t know about the knife but… I can cook a lot better now.” 

“You’re right,” Jaehyun said, with a small smile. 

Yuta was glad he wasn’t trying to bicker with him so early in the morning. He was also glad that Jaehyun wasn’t fleeing for the door since Haeun would obviously be happy to spend a Christmas day with him. 

That had originally been the plan, anyway, Jaehyun was going to take her to a park with a Christmas tree display later on, but now…. 

It seemed like they’d be spending Christmas morning all together. A historical moment, truly. 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  


The majority of Jaehyun’s presents were essential things that Haeun needed, like new socks, new shoes, even a new lunchbox—but she was excited and grateful for them the same amount as over her new toys. It made Yuta feel proud that he hadn’t raised an ungrateful kid. 

Jaehyun had taken pictures the entire time, even one of Yuta, unexpectedly and off guard. They were both still in the clothing from the night before, and with unkempt hair. Yuta didn’t exactly want those pictures framed. 

“I wanna take one,” Haeun said, with a piece of wrapping paper still in her hand. She made a grabby hand at Jaehyun’s phone. 

Jaehyun chuckled and nodded. He knew it meant she wanted a picture with both of them in it. 

Yuta picked her up, putting her in his lap. Jaehyun held the phone up, and they both managed their signature smiles. Even Haeun smiled too. 

“Are you happy with all your presents?” Yuta asked softly.

“Yes! I want to bring my new toys to my room.” Haeun said, practically bubbling with energy. 

Before Jaehyun put his phone down, Yuta unintentionally watched as he ‘favorited’ the picture they had just taken. 

  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Yuta was so burnt out after the Christmas party, that he had no energy to go out for New Year’s eve, which came about a week after of course. 

Instead, he stayed at home, enjoying the amount of downtime he had since the museum had holiday hours, which meant less work for him. 

He spent pretty much all his time with Haeun, doing various art projects with her whilst she went a little, stir-crazy due to the snow. He had never expected to see his shy, usually quiet daughter with so much energy, but without their usual trips to the park, she had begun to run laps around their small apartment. 

When it got to the point where other tenants had made one or—possibly two noise complaints about the lap running, Yuta had to intervene. 

Hikaru was the one he owed the credit to for suggesting that he find someplace to go sledding with her, just to get out of the house and do something somewhat festive. 

So, Yuta had found a place where hill-sledding was permitted and drove the pair of them out there. The day had been filled with laughs, and although Yuta never got to do things like this in his childhood, he truly hoped Haeun would be able to remember it. 

Yuta did end up taking one selfie with the two of them and posting it. 

At that time, he didn’t take into consideration how he had posted that, while simultaneously ignoring Soohyun’s one text message all day. 

Soohyun and he hadn’t been getting along very well after the Christmas party. There was even less affection between them than there had been before, and even more bickering about their conflicting schedules and how Yuta never had time for him. 

He was having trouble understanding why the lawyer couldn’t simply swallow his obvious pride and jealousy over the way that stupid game had gone at the party, and he hated how it left him regretting playing it at all. 

For another chance to get out of the house and away from his thoughts, Yuta took Haeun up to see Taeyong and Doyoung’s new house, which was being renovated, but still a change of scenery that they could both use. 

Jaehyun had reached out and asked if he could see Haeun for the day, but Yuta had told him of his plans to visit Doyoung and Taeyong and asked if tomorrow would work instead. Jaehyun hadn’t gotten back to him yet. 

“So, you’re tearing down all the old cabinets?” Yuta asked as Doyoung showed him a pretty beat-up looking kitchen, with basically no flooring or original wallpaper left. 

“Yes. The wood was warped for the countertops, so we thought it would be a smart investment.” 

Yuta heard Haeun yawn next to his ear and had to purse his lips in order not to laugh at his daughter’s lack of interest in the topic of home renovation. Luckily, this was the last room that Doyoung was showing them in the house. 

“How long have you two been staying here now? With no sink?” Yuta asked, after checking to see even the plumbing had been gutted. 

“There’s a bathroom sink,” Doyoung paused, biting his lip, “but yes it’s a little aggravating.” 

They continued to discuss when the kitchen renovations would be finished as Doyoung showed them around the backyard, which was fenced in nicely, then led them to the back porch. 

Yuta settled down in one of the chairs, with Haeun in his lap. 

“Taeyong should be here soon, with some takeout,” Doyoung said, as he took the lawn chair next to Yuta. 

“No worries. We can wait,” Yuta leaned down, to talk next to his daughter’s face, “right, Haeun?” 

“Yes,” She smiled, swinging her feet, “but.. can I go run around in the yard, papa?” 

“Of course. Be careful. We’ll be right here.” Yuta said, helping her jump down from the chair. 

Her small feet carried her off the porch steps, and then she was bounding freely around the backyard. 

The snow had cleared up to where everything had turned into a mud slush, and Yuta knew that cleaning her boots, later on, would be an absolute chore, but he wanted her to have fun and be a kid. 

“She runs much faster now, jeez,” Doyoung said, chucking. 

“Yeah. She’s been practicing, I told you about the complaints I’ve gotten.” 

“A three-year-old doing laps can’t be that loud.” 

Yuta’s phone buzzed, and he checked it quickly. Jaehyun was confirming that tomorrow worked for him, and even added a thumbs up in his text. 

“Who is it? Soohyun?” Doyoung asked, curiously. 

“No. It’s Jaehyun. He wanted to see Haeun today, but it’s already too late in the evening.” 

“Oh,” Doyoung said, nodding. 

Yuta suddenly felt the need to explain the situation with Soohyun, since he hadn’t told Doyoung at all of the ways things had been after the Christmas party. 

“Wow... I.. honestly didn’t expect that kind of behavior from him,” Doyoung said, once Yuta had finished explaining it. 

“I know. I didn’t either. I’m trying to see where he’s coming from because I can be insecure like that too... but I don’t know, can I really be with someone who will get uncomfortable every time my ex is around?” Yuta asked. 

Doyoung went quiet, seemingly in deep thought, based on his twisted expression. 

“You guys still aren’t.. official right? You’re only dating as in.. seeing each other. Even after it’s been a while. So, as your friend, Yuta—I think you should look into why you have those walls up, and also, give him at least one more chance to prove himself.. and if he doesn’t then you should end it there. Life is too short to entertain a relationship that isn’t working out anymore.” 

“It’s okay to move on when it’s healthy to do so,” Doyoung added to his long ramble. 

“Thank you, Doyoung. I don’t know how you always have the best advice.” 

Even though he was grateful, Doyoung’s words had sort of sent his mind into a tiny bit of a peril. Yuta had avoided committing to Soohyun so strongly, that it had begun to make sense that the older man had become so distant after what he had seen at the Christmas party. 

Yuta was pulled out of his troubling thoughts by the sound of the screen door being shoved open by Taeyong, who had arrived with the takeout food. 

“Hello, guys,” Taeyong smiled, “I come bearing Thai food.” 

He looked away when Taeyong went to drop the food off at the small table in between both of the two chairs and kissed Doyoung promptly on the cheek. Yuta had almost forgotten that they were an official couple now, even though they acted like an old married couple with their squabbling all the time, they had been like that as friends too. 

“Haeun!” Yuta called for her, now that it was time to eat. 

Yuta stood up from his chair, after he spotted her near the fence, sitting down on the ground and trying to build something with a mix of mud and snow. 

“Oh, god.” Yuta groaned before he got close enough. He could already tell she had made a mess. 

“Haeun? What are you making?” Yuta asked in a soft tone, hiding the way he was scanning her now messy-appearance, winter coat covered with slush. 

“A fairy house.” 

Haeun stood up in order to show her dad the creation, and Yuta relaxed a bit after seeing the mix of sticks and leaves, all piled together to make a ‘fairy house.’ 

It was too pure to be upset about all the laundry he had to do later. 

  
  


-

  
  
  
  
  


Yuta told Soohyun he wanted to break-up at the end of a charity gala ball.

Perhaps not the best setting for a breakup, but after an evening of barley sharing a word, that was a big enough sign to Yuta that it was over for good. 

They had gotten into some disagreement about what time to leave after Soohyun had been ignoring Yuta to talk to colleagues, and that had been what had irritated Yuta for the final time. He had pulled Soohyun aside and told him they were done. 

“Are you serious? You’re ending it that quickly?” 

“Soohyun, what is there left to talk about? You’ve been cold with me all day. I won’t allow myself to be punished because you don’t know how to handle jealousy.” 

“Really? I didn’t think you could be so immature.” Soohyun scoffed, shaking his head. He was doing some weird thing where it looked as though he was smirking, but he was clearly mad. 

The words hurt, Yuta couldn’t deny that. 

“I’m immature? When you’re the one who can’t handle dating someone mature enough to be around their ex.”

A pit of guilt had already formed in Yuta’s stomach after he hadn’t bothered to tell Soohyun how he had woken up after the party, but he only knew how it would sound to him. 

“Please. That’s not what this is about. I could’ve handled him being competitive in some game. I saw the way he looked at you, Yuta. It wasn’t the normal way someone stares at their ex.” 

Soohyun stepped forward, trying to grab Yuta’s jacket sleeve and get him to stop. 

“That’s nonsense. Jaehyun and I are friends. And nothing else.” 

“You might see it that way, but I don’t think he does. And I see how you act differently around him too.” 

“So,” Yuta finally turned around to look at him again, “what am I supposed to do? Ignore him? Cut him off so that we can be together?” 

Yuta knew he had a temper, which had only matured over the past few years due to his circumstances, and it was certainly being tested now. 

“I’m not asking that just—God, Yuta. You were never open with me in the first place, and the way you’re being defensive makes me think that my suspicions weren’t for nothing.” 

“Your suspicions?”

“Yuta—“ 

“Goodbye, Soohyun,” Yuta said, heading out to the lobby of the gala, “don’t call me.” 

Yuta had only half-expected Soohyun to follow him out, so when he found himself all alone, it wasn’t that surprising. 

When Soohyun had invited Yuta out to the gala, after yet another week of barely speaking, it had surprised him and led him to believe that maybe Soohyun had finally gotten over his grudge. 

However, the evening had shattered Yuta’s hopes and dreams for any remaining future the two of them could have, which was exactly why Yuta was now sitting on the staircase, by himself. 

He just wanted to get out of there. And being gawked at by couples in various top-designer clothing wasn’t helping his terrible mood at all. 

So, Yuta did what any rational person would do and he texted his best friend about the situation. 

Doyoung had already known that Yuta was on the verge of breaking things off with Soohyun, since they were going nowhere, so there was no surprise in his text messages. 

There was, however, concern as Yuta told him the news that he didn’t have his car with him, or his wallet, which meant he couldn’t get a taxi or an uber home. The charity ball was also at a gala outside of the city, around 30 minutes, which didn’t exactly sound like a doable walk at this time of night. 

Yuta turned down Doyoung’s offer to come and get him since Doyoung would have to borrow a car from someone he knew as Taeyong had taken their shared car to a wedding for work, which was outside of town. It just sounded like too much of a hassle. 

Hikaru was babysitting Haeun, and Yuta didn’t want her to have to wake her up anyway since it was nearly 9 pm and by the time they arrived to get him would be way past her bedtime. 

He had started to chew on his lip as he tried to think of a way to solve his problem when a call flashed across his screen. 

It was from Jaehyun, which only meant one thing in Yuta’s mind. Doyoung must’ve told him of the situation. Yuta sighed in exasperation as he picked up the call. 

“Hello?” Yuta asked, but earned no reply. He figured it could be from the way his tone wasn’t the most inviting at the moment. 

“What? Did Doyoung tell you I’m stranded?” Yuta said, rubbing a hand against his temple as he did. 

“Yuta? You’re—what?” 

Oh god, Yuta’s stomach flipped, as Jaehyun’s confused voice made him realize Doyoung must not have told him, and Jaehyun was calling for another reason, probably completely unrelated. 

“I’m—nevermind. Why did you call?” Yuta asked, trying to hide the stress in his voice. 

“No, Yuta, you said you’re stranded? Are you okay? Where are you?” Jaehyun said, concern apparent as ever in his voice. 

Yuta didn’t need him finding out about his situation now, or feeling obligated to do anything to help. Yuta was the one who had gotten himself into it after all. 

“I’m fine. I don’t have a ride home, but I’m fine.” 

“Yuta. Where are you?” Jaehyun sounded extremely serious. It was similar to the firm tone he had used with his mother on that dreadful day, except there was something softer in the way he commanded his voice now, but still an underlying tremble in the way he spoke. Yuta could hear it. 

“I’m.. at a gala. Look, it’s outside of town, and I’m sure I could get a taxi and wait in the car at the apartment and have my sister bring down my wallet or something and pay then, or—just don’t worry—“ Yuta rambled on. 

“No. Yuta, text me the address and I’ll be there.” 

Yuta’s nose felt hot all of a sudden, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to convince Jaehyun not to come to get him, the younger man’s protectiveness was too persistent to just ignore. 

“Fine.” 

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  


The lobby had become chilled, as the night went on. Or perhaps Yuta had become colder as he waited patiently on the stairs. 

He now knew he’d dodged a bullet since he’d been sitting there for around 30 minutes now, but Soohyun hadn’t come out of the ballroom to see if he was still there once. It was clear that things had been over for them before Yuta had even said it. 

Everything felt strange and unfamiliar. All Yuta wanted to do was go home, probably shower, and change out of his fancy clothing, and go to sleep. 

As he continued to wait, he was tormented with Soohyun’s words replaying in his mind. 

“I saw the way he looked at you, Yuta. It wasn’t the normal way someone stares at their ex.” 

There was something about the elder man’s words that caused seeds of doubt to be planted in Yuta’s mind, and the way he was thinking so hard about Jaehyun’s behavior over the past months didn’t help either. 

Jaehyun coming back in his life for good had been both a blessing and a curse, because while it reminded Yuta so much of the past, Jaehyun was also very different from how he used to be. He was still playful, but he had matured in the sense that he wasn’t a pushover to his family the way he had been before—and how often he fought to see his daughter and spend as much time with her as he could. Yuta had seen a side of him that he had least expected. 

“Hey.” 

Yuta looked up at the sound of the voice and was met with Jaehyun. He wore a suit, and a trenchcoat and his dark hair was styled without a single flaw. 

It felt odd to see someone he had just been thinking about, even though he had been waiting for him, it made Yuta feel odd as if he had summoned him with how hard he was thinking. 

They stared at each other for a breath longer before Jaehyun reached his gloved hand out for Yuta to take, and he stood up without it, unsure of why he had stayed sitting. 

“I’m fine, thanks.” Yuta breathed out. 

“You really.. didn’t have to come,” Yuta added on. 

“Yuta, how else would you have gotten home without a wallet and a car? Was I meant to let you hitchhike?” Jaehyun said, clearly trying to lighten the mood. A somber smile appeared on his face, but Yuta could tell it was half-hearted. 

He glanced around the mostly empty lobby, feeling a couple of eyes on them, and decided he didn’t feel like staying there any longer. 

“Thank you,” Yuta started walking, and Jaehyun followed by his side, “for coming even though you didn’t have to.” 

“You can thank me later, let’s get going before the snow gets any worse,” Jaehyun said. 

“It’s snowing out?” 

“Mhm. It’s only January, Yuta.” 

“It usually stops by now..” Yuta said, bracing himself for the cold as they walked out the front entrance of the gala, “ah, it really is cold.” 

It was a bit of a walk to Jaehyun’s car, which was expected since the gala had been pretty packed. They walked in silence, both of their breathing filling the air. 

Jaehyun opened the passenger side for him once they got there, and Yuta slipped into the car, feeling the cold leather of the seat under his hands. 

Yuta, in their prolonged silence, took in the sight of Jaehyun in the driver’s seat. His jawline, which was sculpted perfectly, his plump lower lip, strong eyebrows, and overall perfect face.

Is it okay? To stare like this, and think these things after all this time? Yuta thought. 

“Sorry. Misplaced my keys.” Jaehyun muttered. 

The car took a second to start, the engine making some sputtering noises as it did, which drew concern on Jaehyun’s face. 

“It’s probably the cold,” Yuta said, nodding as he did. 

Yuta hid his chin in his scarf, rubbing his hands together. The heating system in the car was taking a while to warm up as well. 

“So, what were you here for?” Jaehyun asked as they waited for the car to turn on completely. 

Yuta had been dreading this question from the alpha, and he wished he had more time to think of how to answer it. 

“I was with Soohyun. He invited me.” Yuta said, swallowing after he did. He had begun to fidget with his fingers in his lap. 

“Oh,” Jaehyun glanced away, his mouth turning down, no longer in an inviting smile, “then… why—“ 

“Why didn’t I leave with him?” Yuta finished, forcing the words past his lips, “we had an argument.” 

It didn’t feel fair nor right, for Yuta to dump any of his relationship problems on his ex-husband, who was currently seeing someone else too. How much more dysfunctional could he get? Yuta was annoyed with himself. Yet Jaehyun was being nothing but patient and kind with him, even going as far to drive out of his way to come and get him. 

“That happens, you know. It’s normal. But.. I’m sure you guys will be able to resolve it.” 

Yuta’s mind raced, as he considered what would happen if he told the truth, or if he kept it in. 

“We broke up.” 

The silence grew loud after Yuta’s admission, and he could feel the younger man’s eyes on him now. 

“Ah—well.. uh, Yuta, I’m sorry,” Jaehyun said, voice low and hesitant. 

“Don’t worry about it. I felt like it was coming anyway, I had prepared myself.” Yuta said, a solemn smile flashing across his face as he did.

“You shouldn't have to prepare yourself for things like that. I know it’s not easy.” 

“Jaehyun.. look we don’t have to have this talk. I know you hate talking about stuff like this, I’ll be fine. Let’s just go.” 

“Okay.” Jaehyun cleared his throat, dropping it as soon as Yuta had signaled he didn’t want to discuss it anymore. 

Yuta knew he’d be perfectly fine if they could just get through the entire drive back to Seoul in silence because right now, it felt like each time Jaehyun and he started to talk, Yuta was closer to admitting what was truly on his mind. And he hardly knew what that was himself. 

“Uh. Hyung, is it too cold? Or.. too warm?” Jaehyun asked, about ten minutes into the drive. 

He had to fight back a smile, as it had been a while since Jaehyun had addressed him in such a casual manner. 

Yuta had been staring out his window, at the trees and the snow in the air. He was quite surprised that the roads weren’t too slippery to drive on. However, the headlights of the car were surprisingly dim, a little bit too dim for his own comfort, but he knew he’d feel weird if he tried to point that out to Jaehyun. 

“It’s a bit cold.” Yuta breathed out. He knew Jaehyun was asking because as an alpha wolf, he ran naturally warm and it took much longer for him to get even the slightest bit cold.

“Sorry about that. I meant to take the car into the shop, it’s been having trouble starting in the morning as well.” Jaehyun was trying to adjust the temperature, a bit of a concerned look on his face. 

“Don’t worry about it too much. I’m fine.” 

“I owe you after this ride.” Yuta continued, breaching the silence he had told himself it was important to keep. 

“There’s no need for that,” Jaehyun said with a grin, shaking his head. 

“Too bad. I should pay for your lunch for like, a week, or something.” 

“I might hold you to that, Yuta,” Jaehyun said as he adjusted his shoulders so that he was even closer to the wheel. 

“By the way, where did you come from? You look like you were coming from somewhere.” Yuta said, referring to Jaehyun’s appearance. 

“Ah, it was a staff dinner tonight. With the other residents.” Jaehyun explained. 

The car had slowed down significantly, and Yuta wondered if Jaehyun was doing it on purpose since the roads had become slick. 

“Did you leave it early because of me?” Yuta asked, feeling even more burdensome now. 

“There’s no need to worry about that. I wasn’t going to stay out all night and drink anyway.” 

The sincerity in Jaehyun’s tone made Yuta gulp, also at the fact that Jaehyun had left something important, all because he had called Yuta and found out about the stupid situation he was in. 

About two minutes of silence passed, and Yuta was too busy focused on just how dim the headlights had become to hear Jaehyun calling for him. 

“Hyung,” Jaehyun called again, and Yuta turned to look at him. 

“Yes?” 

“I’m... gonna have to pull the car over.” 

“Why?” Yuta asked, alarmed. He had not noticed the weird noises coming from the back until now, but now that he was listening to the sounds coming from the inside of the car, it sounded as if the motor was barely chugging along. 

“It’s having too many problems to get us past this road. I don’t want it to stop in the middle of it.” Jaehyun said as he pulled over to the side of the road. 

“I’m gonna check the engine and see if I can tell whether I’ll need to call a tow or not. I’m sorry I dragged you into this.” Jaehyun said, clearly a bit embarrassed that he was having such car trouble. 

Yuta wanted to tell him there was no reason for that since it wasn’t his fault, and he had dealt with them plenty of times before too, but he couldn't spit the words out. 

A minute or two after Jaehyun left the car, the heating turned off completely. Yuta watched as the hazard lights of the car turned on automatically, and the dash lights lit up like an old-school pinball machine. 

“How is it?” Yuta asked, unbuckling his seatbelt. 

Jaehyun shut the door behind him as he got back in, his breath fogging out into the cold air. 

“It’s bad. I can tell jump-starting it won’t work. I’ll have to call and pay for a tow.” 

Yuta went silent, nibbling on his lower lip. 

“Ah, I’m sorry. I know this is an inconvenience. I shouldn’t have gotten myself stranded out here in the first place—“ 

“No, Yuta. Don’t say that. You did the right thing.” Jaehyun was quick to turn down Yuta taking any blame for them being in this kind of situation. 

“Still—“ 

“I have to make the call. I’ll be right back.” Jaehyun left the car again, and Yuta sighed. 

“Stupid patient alpha. Anyone else would be irritated with me.” Yuta muttered, huffing. 

It was getting progressively colder, and Yuta wrapped his scarf closer around the lower half of his face. He was also using the sleeves of his jackets to cover his hands. 

A couple of minutes had passed, and Yuta glanced out of the foggy window to see Jaehyun was no longer on the phone but pacing around instead. 

Yuta got out on his side and walked around the car. 

“Jaehyun,” He said, trying to hold an affirmative tone, “get back in the car. It will be warmer to wait in there at least.” 

Part of Yuta wondered if he didn’t want to stay in the car because that would mean they’d be alone and probably have to talk about things. Things meaning the past possibly, or the future, or.. what had happened with them on Christmas eve. 

Yes, despite Yuta thinking they’d both be able to handle it like mature adults, neither of them had made a move to discuss how either of them felt about it. Yuta couldn’t even remember how they had ended up sleeping together. Did I block it out? He thought, trying to figure out what the reason could be. 

“I just…” Jaehyun paused, “it’ll be an hour of waiting.” 

“Oh,” Yuta chuckled, “I should’ve brought a better coat.” 

The cold air and wind caused the snow to blow in their direction, and Yuta could feel some stick to his skin. When he looked up, the sky was dark blue, and he could see the tiny white speckles of snow falling and contrasting the night sky. 

“Come on, Yuta. You’re gonna get sick if you stay out here.” Jaehyun said, startling Yuta by brushing his fingertips against Yuta’s wrist to get him to snap out of staring up at the snow. 

“It’s only been a minute or two,” Yuta argued back.

Yuta and Jaehyun were both equally stubborn people. They both believed themselves as right and had trouble seeing anyone else’s point of view. Yuta had already realized that had been one of their biggest problems when they had been in a relationship

They both stared at each other, their faces barely illuminated by the hazard lights from the car and the lights on the side of the street off in the distance. 

“I like the way the snow looks right now,” Yuta said, softly. 

“It is pretty.” Jaehyun agreed, voice flat. 

Only a couple more minutes passed before Jaehyun’s concern got out of hand, after Yuta’s fingertips had turned pink and his nose was getting closer to red. 

“Yuta, if you get sick, Haeun might get sick too. Come on, get back into the car. I have a blanket in the trunk.” 

Jaehyun knew Yuta well enough that he could tell Yuta wasn’t going to get out of the snow if he asked nicely again, and it would take a real reason for him to stop standing there in the cold. 

“Fine, fine. I’m going back in. You come too, it’s creepy in the car alone.” Yuta said, shoving his hands back into the pockets of his coat. 

Yuta shuffled back in, rubbing his hands together and blowing air onto them before Jaehyun got back in. However, Jaehyun caught him off guard, by coming around to his side of the car, and opening the door. 

“What—“ 

The omega couldn’t even finish his sentence before Jaehyun was tossing a blanket over him, and tucking it around on the sides. 

“I’m not one of your patients, I can do it myself,” Yuta mocked, removing his arms out of the blanket to adjust it. 

“I know you aren’t.” 

Jaehyun shut the door at that, walking around to his side. 

The words made Yuta feel strange, he had admitted he wasn’t thinking of Yuta as a patient... So then why was he treating him with care? 

Yuta’s brain was fogged with questions and thoughts, and after Jaehyun finally got back in the car, with the awareness of his strong scent. 

“Why did we have to get stranded in winter? If it was any other season, we could’ve just walked.” Yuta said, in an attempt to lighten the dark mood again. 

“Mm. You probably would’ve ended up getting tired of walking and used up all your energy to run home.” Jaehyun replied. 

“Ah, you haven’t forgotten I can run a whole mile when I’m stressed?” Yuta said, a smirk at his lips as he spoke. 

“Of course not.” 

They shared a couple of seconds of laughter, which was followed again with a long silence. 

As Yuta glanced over at Jaehyun, he could see just based on the younger’s face alone that he was considering something, or deep in thought about it at least. 

“Yuta, can I ask.. something? It might be overstepping boundaries and you don’t have to answer it.” Jaehyun spoke finally. 

“Go ahead,” Yuta shrugged, pulling the blanket close to his chin. 

“What was the reason you and Soohyun ended things?” Jaehyun spat out, then looked away as if he’d just done something extremely shameful. 

Yuta nodded, taking a moment to think of how to answer his question. 

_There were many reasons._

“We had originally been fighting, but I gave him a chance tonight because I thought it might… I don’t know, change things? He was the same as always though,” Yuta paused, as he tried to think of a way to sound less sad about things, “maybe I was too much for him anyway. Being a divorced man with a child and all.” 

He failed miserably at his attempt. 

“If he truly thought that way of you, Yuta, then he didn’t deserve you.” 

Yuta’s eyes grew large, surprised by Jaehyun’s choice of words. He usually stayed on the fence about people he didn’t know well, but clearly, it wasn’t the case after he had heard Yuta talk down about himself.

“It was my fault too, I didn’t... open up at all. I couldn’t.” Yuta whispered. 

“That’s not your fault, Yuta. I can’t believe the nerve of any man to think less of someone for having a child.” Jaehyun continued.

“He was older than you too, Jae,” Yuta said, with a laugh. 

“It’s not like he can hear me bad-talking. At least, I’d hope not.” Jaehyun went along with Yuta’s joke. 

Yuta couldn’t bring himself to bring up how the majority of their fights had been caused by that stupid guessing game back at his Christmas party. So instead, he tried to change the subject. 

“Enough about him though. How are things with you and Minhyuk?” Yuta’s voice embarrassingly cut off at the end, as if he was trying to censor himself after uttering those words. 

Jaehyun’s playful smile faded, and Yuta grew fearful that he had asked the wrong question, or perhaps overstepped somehow. He silently cursed himself, he should’ve changed the topic entirely from new relationships—

“We broke up, actually,” Jaehyun said, and Yuta can’t detect if his voice was sad or apathetic as he spoke of it. 

Yuta’s mind raced again, as he wondered when they had broken things off, and why? 

“Oh, I’m sorry, Jae. When?” Yuta asked, unable to offer sympathy with anything other than the frown on his face. 

“I was going to mention it. I just didn’t know how to. It was like, two weeks ago now. It’s okay.” Jaehyun said, nodding. 

Two weeks ago was the week after the Christmas party. Yuta pushed the thought away, taking in a deep breath instead. 

“It’s not the coupling season for us, I guess,” Yuta said, unsure of what to say. He knew Jaehyun enough that the younger man certainly wasn’t going to want to discuss his feelings nor the reason they broke up, so Yuta tried to drop it first.

Jaehyun nodded, and then he looked up from where he’d been zoning out at the dashboard. As his eyes scanned Yuta’s face, Yuta could tell he was reading into something. 

“Yuta, you’re shivering.” 

“What?” Yuta asked, he hadn’t noticed at all. He had assumed the shaking was from the topic at hand, and also didn’t realize he was shivering enough that it was noticeable to anyone else’s eyes. 

“I don’t feel cold.” He added quickly, but this seemed to make things worse. 

“That’s not good. Are you feeling numb anywhere? How are your reflexes?” Jaehyun asked. 

Yuta checked his own reflexes quietly, trying to ignore Jaehyun’s prying eyes. 

“Fine. I think.” 

“Here, take my coat too.” Jaehyun started to unbutton his trenchcoat, and Yuta reached forward, taking his hand out of his blanket to do so. 

“No, that's not necessary.” Yuta pleaded. 

Jaehyun’s warm hand wrapped around his own, removing it gently. The touch was so warm that Yuta wanted it to linger longer than it did. 

“Yuta, let me. I don’t need it the way you do.” 

“What if you get cold too? It’s not fair.” 

Jaehyun chuckled, as he removed the coat. 

“You know I don’t,” Jaehyun said, smugly. 

There was something so attractive in the way he said it, that Yuta cursed how it made him feel. But at least it helped him notice he could still feel his toes curl. 

Jaehyun was left in only a button-up then, and Yuta guiltily accepted the coat. Even with the added fabric, he was still shivering. The more he tried to get his body to relax, the more that he was wildly aware of the cold. 

“Stop staring. It’s making me feel colder since you look all pitiful.” Yuta said, making up a reason to get the alpha’s eyes off him. 

“Sorry. I just… I wish you didn’t have to be in this situation. I know you probably just wanted to get home after the night you had and I can’t help but feel responsible.” 

“Seriously, Jaehyun, I’m okay. You’re right, I would’ve liked to get home faster, but I can wait a bit longer.” Yuta huffed out a laugh, seeing his breath in the air as he did. 

With the way the younger man was staring at him, Yuta was certain he was going to offer all the clothing off his back next. 

“Yuta—you should... lay in the backseat, and try to bring your limbs closer to keep everything warmer.” 

“Why did you have to be a doctor? Why not.. a therapist or a veterinarian or something.” Yuta grumbled, rolling his eyes. 

“I’m not saying it as a doctor I’m saying it out of concern,” Jaehyun replied. 

“You can’t prove that,” Yuta muttered back. 

“I don’t want you getting sick, Hyung.” 

“For Haeun, I know—“ 

“No. Not just for her. I don’t want you to be in pain, Yuta.” Jaehyun finished the argument, as his words caused Yuta to fall silent. 

“I’m going to be fine, Jaehyun,” Yuta spoke again finally, after a couple of minutes of silence. His words had significant gaps between them, as his teeth had begun to chatter. 

“Then laying in the back won’t hurt anything.” 

“You know, if it’ll get you to stop badgering me, I will,” Yuta said, spitefully. 

He’d been thinking about the need to lay down anyways, so Yuta took it as his chance to have an excuse to curl up in the backseat. However, the awkward tension and pitiful gaze he got from the taller man wasn't helpful. 

Yuta was typically good with words. Or so, he had always believed himself to be. He usually knew when the right time to say things were and when the wrong time was, but when he noticed that his spiteful comment seemed to have shut Jaehyun down, causing him to zone out in the distance again, Yuta didn’t know what to say to get him to snap out of it. 

So, Yuta hurried to try to fix it. 

“Are you gonna lay down back here too if it takes any longer?” Yuta chuckled.

_Oh no. Terrible mistake._

Jaehyun turned his head back towards where Yuta was laying, and Yuta tried to hide the remainder of his face with the blanket. Perhaps if he could just suffocate himself with both the blanket and Jaehyun’s coat, he wouldn’t be in this awkward situation anymore. Trapped in a broken-down car with his ex-husband. 

“I was only joking!” Yuta hurried to try and correct himself before Jaehyun could open his mouth to speak. 

However, the flustered nature of the way he was already speaking, combined with the cold seemed to have gotten to his brain. 

“It’s funny, cause of um, the.. way we slept together at the Christmas party. Not slept together... I mean—fell asleep on the t-the couch.” 

Yuta was only digging himself deeper into the hole he had started, and now he was unsure if he'd be able to get out of it. He had spoken of that night out of impulse after the silence had gotten overbearing and somehow made his joke much worse by bringing it up. 

“We never really got a chance to speak about that,” Jaehyun said, voice deep and steady. 

It was strong in comparison to Yuta’s chattering teeth and rambling words. 

“I didn’t think you wanted to talk about it.” 

“Well, we just didn’t—“ 

“I can’t hear you when you turn away,” Yuta said after Jaehyun had turned his face back towards the road. 

“You’re still shivering,” Jaehyun said when he turned back to face Yuta again. 

Yuta sighed, trying to get his body to stop, but it felt uncontrollable. 

“Jaehyun, instead of stating the obvious, just give me a solution. Please.” Yuta was tired of being told he still looked cold or was shivering, he knew that since he was the one with the naturally dropping body temperature. It wasn’t fair. 

“I..I.. know you don’t want to hear it. But it would be body heat. It’s easier to prevent getting to the stages near hypothermia if two bodies are close together.” Jaehyun looked away again, seemingly unable to look at Yuta in his state. 

“Then Jaehyun,” Yuta said, pausing to adjust himself under the heavy blanket and coat, “quit trying to be a noble gentleman, and just do what you think is best.” 

Jaehyun hesitated, and Yuta could tell he was thinking even in the near darkness. Yuta didn’t know why he had started his sentence by saying Yuta wouldn’t want to hear it, because the possibility of being warmer was all he cared about right now, not what it meant for their relationship. But at the same time, deep down, with the rational part of his thinking process, Yuta knew that Jaehyun was just afraid of seeming like he was taking advantage of the situation for some weird gain. But Yuta knew that wasn’t the case, and his hesitance had proved that. 

So, Jaehyun climbed into the backseat without another word. Yuta could hear his heartbeat thrumming loudly in his ears as Jaehyun slipped into the small space behind him, the sudden warmth alone was enough to make him gasp, a bit exaggerated, of course, but there was no excuse he could make for that. 

“I’m not that warm anymore,” Jaehyun breathed out, as Yuta invited him into his blanket. 

“You feel warm to me,” Yuta said, as his arm brushed up against Jaehyun’s chest. 

Another couple minutes passed without any conversation, Yuta with his head turned away so that he wouldn’t have to look into Jaehyun’s eyes or the sight of the taller man looming over him, propped up on his elbow. Yuta wanted to close his eyes for a second, as he was so so tired, but apparently, a second was too long, as Jaehyun nudged him gently, causing him to open his eyes. 

“Hey. You can’t sleep.” 

“I don’t have hypothermia, Jaehyun,” Yuta scoffed, “I just don’t do well with the cold. I never have. You know that.” 

“I do.” Jaehyun smiled, and Yuta could tell he was thinking of something. 

Jaehyun took a deep breath suddenly, which led Yuta to look up at him again, instead of keeping his chin turned away. 

“Yuta.” 

“Hm?” 

“I don’t want you to think I was avoiding talking about what happened on Christmas eve.” 

“Well, were you?” Yuta asked softly. 

“Maybe a.. bit. But not for the reasons you think.” Jaehyun swallowed after he spoke. 

Yuta grew quiet, not wanting to interrupt Jaehyun as it seemed evident he was about to say something important. 

“You already told me the reasons for your break up with Soohyun.. but. I feel like I should tell you why I ended things with Minhyuk. It only seems right. But just know that I’m not… I’m not trying to guilt you into anything. Okay?” 

“Okay,” Yuta replied, confirming it. 

“I told him about what happened on Christmas eve.” 

Yuta’s stomach flipped, and he clutched at the blanket, unintentionally. There it was, what he had been waiting to say. Yuta grew worried since he didn’t remember the other half of that night. Had he done something while drunk? Made a move on Jaehyun? He needed to find out. 

“Did.. did something else happen? After we.. We slept on the couch? Or before, I mean.” Yuta said, speaking far too fast for his brain to keep up with. 

“You don’t remember what you said?” Jaehyun asked, a strange, yet unsure smile tugged at the side of his mouth. 

“No. I... I don’t remember anything before we started playing Mario Kart and then I went and got snacks.” 

Jaehyun nodded, smiling for real now. 

“Ah, that’s too bad. You said some funny things.” 

“Jung Jaehyun.” Yuta creased his eyebrows, hoping it would do since he didn’t have the strength to punch the younger man’s arms. 

The alpha cleared his throat, forcing himself to stop smiling. 

“I’ll tell you that... I broke up with him but not because we cuddled. I could’ve explained why that happened—we were drunk and used to each other’s scents and warmth. However, I couldn’t explain to him the way I felt when you asked me to stay with you, and how holding you as you slept was the happiest I’ve felt with someone in a long time.” 

The words made Yuta’s heart shatter in two, most beautifully. 

He didn’t get over me—Yuta’s head spun with the information and the way that Jaehyun was smiling with anticipation at him now. 

“Jaehyun,” Yuta sniffed, “do you really mean that? Do you mean what I think you mean?” 

“Yes. It… isn’t easy to admit, after all, that I did, but I never got over you. Not for one minute. I just convinced myself that I could. But I know now that it’s not possible, Yuta. Getting over you is something I can’t ever do. You’re probably always going to be the only man I’ll ever love.” 

“I thought you moved on. I thought— _Jaehyun_ ,” Yuta gasped, entirely in shock at the revelation. It was hard to believe or trust that it was truly happening. 

“No. Never. I couldn’t get you off my mind. I still—I still can’t, Yuta.” 

Yuta couldn’t take it anymore, his throat was all choked up and he couldn’t speak, but he pulled the younger man down into his arms, under the blanket. Yuta was itching with the need to hold onto him and never let go again. 

All of Jaehyun’s gestures and his behavior made so much more sense now, the way he had been his own version of clingy when drunk around Yuta, the way he had defended Yuta in front of his terrible mother, him driving out of his way to come and get Yuta, and now even using his body warmth to ensure Yuta didn’t get sick. These weren’t the actions of someone who wanted to keep everything platonic, and Yuta had been too in denial himself to see it. 

Yuta’s hands found their way to Jaehyun’s face as he pulled back from the hug. 

“I’m sorry for telling you this now. There were many other times I wanted to tell you, but I just never thought that you would be okay with it, and rightfully so. Then when you started dating again, I knew I should try to move on too. Which is why I couldn’t stay with anyone. Everyone kept figuring out I wasn’t over you the way I pretended to be.” 

It all felt like a dream, hearing Jaehyun say such things and holding him again. Yuta was nearly convinced he had merely fallen asleep in the car and this was all his imagination. 

“Your hands are cold,” Jaehyun muttered with a smile, which caused Yuta to realize he still hadn’t said anything back. 

“Oh,” Yuta pulled them away, breathing out a laugh, “sorry.” 

“No,” Jaehyun put them back to his face, “I don’t mind.” 

“You really should’ve let me know you didn’t want things to be over sooner. I...I was actually going to ask you to talk about us the day that you told me you had started seeing someone. Back in the car.” Yuta murmured, rubbing at Jaehyun’s hand, as their hands became interlocked. The touch felt so new and strange even though they were old lovers. Yuta’s heart couldn’t stop beating loudly in his ears. 

“I was just terrified of the past repeating itself.” Jaehyun chuckled, breathlessly. Yuta wondered if it was the light playing tricks or Jaehyun’s eyes were truly tearing up like his own. 

The way he had confessed and the way they were talking and touching was still quite awkward, but at the same time, it was natural. It felt real. Jaehyun was being honest and vulnerable in a way that Yuta found admirable and showed him true growth from the younger man. 

“Were you just going to take that secret to the grave?” Yuta asked, biting down on his lip as he did. 

“If it had made you happy, I would’ve. And I still would. You don’t have to do anything now. I just wanted to tell you how I feel.” Jaehyun said, barely above a whisper. 

Jaehyun had been the one to break his heart. This was true. But it was also true that Jaehyun had proved himself as Haeun’s dad, before any other issues or problems that they had struggled with, he had put their daughter first and never tried to manipulate or use the way Yuta had chosen to raise her against him. 

Yuta knew he wasn’t just going to take Jaehyun back right away, but his confession to not being over Yuta had opened a door that Yuta had believed was closed forever at one point. And there was no way he was going to deny that he didn’t still feel things for Jaehyun. He would always love him, he just wasn’t prepared to admit it to his face yet. 

Yuta didn’t know him as his arranged fiancé, anymore, no, Jaehyun was now the father of his child, a doctor, and a close friend. Yuta wanted to get to know him the same way he would with someone new before he trusted him again in any kind of romantic relationship. 

But, they could get to that later. 

“We have lots of things to talk about. And plenty of time to do so, but, preferably not while I’m shivering.” Yuta grinned, his hands finding the back of Jaehyun’s neck. 

Jaehyun smiled wide, enough to show those dimples that Yuta rarely saw anymore, and that was it. 

“But, there is one thing I want to do.” 

Yuta pulled Jaehyun down first, hearing his name on the younger man’s lips as he did, and then his cold lips were meeting Jaehyun’s warm ones. 

It was foreign at first, bumping of teeth and tongues, but then it turned into something else, something familiar. And unlike the kiss that they had shared before Yuta had left for the airport all those years ago, both of them smiled directly after. 

“Like kissing a popsicle.” Jaehyun blurted out, staring down at Yuta with a content gaze. 

“Oh my god. You did _not_ just say that.” 

By the time the tow truck showed up, both of their hairs had been equally mussed, along with Jaehyun’s button-up shirt collar which was slightly adjacent. He blamed it on the fact that their scents had been all mingled together in the car. That and three, or—four now, years of pent up frustration. 

The tow truck driver gave them a suspicious glance, and Yuta just tugged the blanket tighter around himself. 

He was immediately met with Jaehyun’s hand intertwining his own under the blanket, and with one glance up at the man, Yuta knew they were going to be okay again. 

  
  
  


-

  
  


**_A year later._ **

  
  
  


Haeun’s birthday was a week away. She was four now, after her birthday last May, and the fact that she would be turning five soon was mind-blowing to Yuta. 

She was sprouting up quickly from a toddler into a kid, and Yuta had already assumed she was going to take Jaehyun’s height over his own, which meant there was a possibility that his own daughter might be taller than him one day, funnily enough. 

And with age, she now understood things a little bit more and had come out of her shell a lot more as well. She was slowly but surely becoming less shy than she had been as a toddler, with natural grace. 

It had been a bit complicated once Jaehyun and Yuta had started seeing each other again, which meant that Haeun often got to see Jaehyun in the mornings as well. She got used to it rather quickly. 

They had started dating around three months after the car incident. Those three long months had been dedicated to Jaehyun proving himself to Yuta even further, by waiting patiently for him to accept the offer to date, not to rekindle their marriage or go back to anything from the past, just to see each other like two normal people. 

The way they should’ve been able to the first time around. 

Things were different between them than they had been before. There was a sense of freedom for them both, rather than the uncomfortable possessiveness and the constant reminder that they were to be bonded by marriage looming over them, they were able to exist as a normal couple. 

Well, they weren’t official yet. 

They did however spend all their off time together. And with Haeun as well, of course. 

It was a Sunday, the last day of the weekend, and Yuta had suggested that they go to get some fresh air and go for a hike. 

So, like always, Jaehyun agreed and began to organize any water or snacks they’d need, while Yuta got Haeun into some better clothing than her PJs to go for a hike in. 

Haeun had been so used to Jaehyun and Yuta being separated that when they had first started doing things like taking her to the park together or even just going on grocery trips together, she had looked up at Yuta with wide eyes, and would whisper some variation of “Daddy came along too.” As if Yuta hadn’t noticed him there. 

They still lived in separate houses, because once again, they were just dating—not taking things to the next level yet. Neither of them wanted to rush into things the way they had been forced to before. 

Haeun was a bit young to go on a huge hike, so they found a nice spot of open mowed grass to sit down on, surrounded by a field. Haeun was pleased with this, and as soon as she got permission, she ran off to pick flowers nearby. 

“She’s still into making fairy houses?” Jaehyun asked as he finished adjusting the blanket they had put down to sit on the grass. 

“Yeah, but you know she’s been into butterflies a bit more lately. Haven’t you noticed how she tries to point them out every time we go to the park?” 

“That’s true. I thought maybe she was just learning about them at her preschool.” 

“No, she’s so into them now I suspect she’ll be asking for books on butterflies soon.” 

Yuta sighed, as they fell into a comfortable silence, both watching her play around. 

He was so happy that she was a part of his life. Because not only was it a joy to see her learn so much and to be able to teach her, but the lessons that she had been able to teach him had been just as rewarding. 

“Come here,” Jaehyun whispered, startling Yuta with how close he was to his ear. 

Yuta shoved at his shoulder first, then climbed into his lap, sitting sideways on the younger man. The alpha chuckled, patting his knee. 

“You knew what I meant.” 

“Of course I knew what you meant,” Yuta grumbled, rolling his eyes. 

“Remember last month? When we were sitting in the park together and that woman came to ask if Haeun was my daughter and then we started talking and you came back and you sat down on me like this?” 

“Now why would you set yourself up by reminding me of that,” Yuta said, giggling at the embarrassing memory. He really had no way of trying to prove that Jaehyun was the guy he was seeing without just full-on sitting on him after some woman tried hitting on him. 

“She did leave after that though,” Yuta grinned, “it’s not like I was jealous, or something, I know already that you have eyes for me only. I just found it funny.. to watch the way people react to an omega being the forward one.” 

“You’re proud—“ 

“Of course I am.” Yuta shrugged. 

“So, by default, I become your chair.” 

“Exactly.” Yuta beamed. 

With them, there was never truly a dull day. They were able to have fun and joke around in ways that they hadn’t been able to before. It felt like being young and in love again—but with less of the immaturity. 

After being back together for close to a year, Yuta still hadn’t been able to calm down the butterflies he got whenever Jaehyun smiled and laughed at nearly every dumb joke he told or the way the younger man was always supportive of every idea or feeling that Yuta was having depending on the weather. He had truly gotten used to Jaehyun dropping off iced coffee for him at work whenever he was on a break, with a kiss on the cheek as well, or waking up with his warmth next to him, fingertips dancing on his skin. 

It wasn’t all lovey-dovey and easy of course, but there was something blatantly different in the way that Jaehyun had evolved into a man that was willing to share his problems and stress with Yuta whenever he felt obligated to do so. Yuta was also very proud of Jaehyun for deciding to get a therapist so that he could work through his past issues with substance abuse and his emotionally manipulative parents the way he had never gotten the chance to do before. The fact that he was working on it was all that mattered to Yuta. 

Some nights communicating was hard, and they’d end up having a tiny argument or disagreement, but it always got resolved after giving each other the deserved space and being able to talk it out rather than pushing things under the rug or ignoring them. 

“I’m glad you know I only have eyes for you,” Jaehyun whispered into his ear, teeth brushing gently against Yuta’s earlobe. Yuta swatted at the younger man, shooting him a piercing gaze, which soon turned into laughter. 

Haeun was too far away to hear them so Jaehyun was whispering only to be a menace. 

“You don’t think I’m too old?” Yuta chuckled as he spoke. 

Jaehyun had turned 28 in February, and Yuta was due to turn 30 that very October, which he was not ready for at all. He had always been sensitive about getting too old. 

“I think we both know how I feel about that. I find your age makes you even sexier.” 

Yuta covered his mouth, muffling the laughter, and looking away from the younger man. 

“You are too much.” He said, after removing his hand. 

They both fell silent again, as Yuta reached to feel Jaehyun’s hair, gently running his fingers through it. 

“Yuta,” Jaehyun started, gently taking one of Yuta’s hands from his hair to hold it. 

“Yes, dear?” Yuta said, grinning. 

“When should we start using the.. boyfriend label?” 

“Jung Jaehyun.” Yuta breathed out, never failing to be surprised by the younger man’s actions. 

“Yes?” Jaehyun said, raising a brow. He didn’t seem at all phased by Yuta’s shock. 

“Did you just indirectly ask me to become official with you?” Yuta tried to stop the smile that followed but was unable to do so. 

“I did. If that’s what you want, of course—“ 

“Papa!” Haeun called, interrupting them. 

They turned to see Haeun holding up a gathering of flowers, and beaming at her creation of a bouquet. 

It wasn’t exactly the most typical situation, to be interrupted by your daughter whilst trying to discuss whether or not you just became official with her father, but Yuta was adaptive enough that it was their version of normal. 

“That’s beautiful, Haeun. We can tie it up and save it so that you can put it on the table at home.” Yuta said, softly accepting the bouquet as she handed it to him. 

“With what?” Haeun asked, referring to the lack of anything to tie it up with. 

“Um,” Yuta paused, looking around. Jaehyun pointed to the back of his head, where his newly blonde hair was tied back into a ponytail. 

Yuta sighed, pulling his hair down and tying the hair tie around the wildflowers. 

“I’m gonna go pick more!” Haeun said, gleefully skipping off to the sidelines of the field again. 

The elder man turned to look at Jaehyun, as he softly tucked the fallen hair behind one of Yuta’s ears. 

“I love when your hair is down like this,” Jaehyun said, never failing to compliment Yuta at the most random times. 

“Mm, but it’s hot, it’ll probably get sweaty now when we walk back down the trail.” 

They both chuckled after a second of making eye contact. Yuta often said things that still made him sound so.. pompous in a way. It was hard to just ignore the fact that he was indeed the product of a child raised by a nanny in a big manor. 

“Anyway, back to what we were discussing before.” 

“Yes. That was kind of an important topic, huh?” 

Jaehyun interlaced their fingers again, and Yuta was beaming from the warm touch of the alpha alone. 

“I just wanted you to know that I’m ready for that label whenever you are. I know I was the type of guy to run away from such strong commitment, but that was because it scared me before. But there’s nothing at all that I find restricting about the way we are now. So.. that label doesn’t scare me.” Jaehyun explained, and Yuta couldn’t help but stare at the way his eyelashes fanned over his cheeks as he stared down at their interlocked. 

“Thank you, Jaehyun. For giving me time, and always being patient with me. It reminds me that I’m glad I chose you.” Yuta leaned down, to press a quick kiss against his cheek. 

Jaehyun’s gentle hand found it’s way to Yuta’s jaw, and he pulled Yuta in for a quick and short kiss, it was sweet and soft, and most of all it was exactly what Yuta had needed. The former feeling of lacking any physical affirmation from Jaehyun as a lover was nowhere in their present relationship. Jaehyun seemed to know exactly it was that Yuta was chasing after now, each time that he came close to Jaehyun in the kitchen as he cooked dinner, or brushed a hand against his knee under the table while they were on a date, he knew now how to give Yuta those subtle affirmations of affection that had been missing before. 

“You don’t know how thankful I am for you, Yuta. For your understanding and for your decision to let me back in like this. I think I’ll be indebted to you for life.” Jaehyun threw in a joke at the end, as he had gotten rather sappy with his words and they both knew it. 

“Hmm,” Yuta grinned, “but.. to answer your question. We are pretty much official already. So... I would agree that the label fits what we are now.” 

“Really? Are you certain, Yuta?” Jaehyun’s hold around his waist grew tighter, and his smile seemed to widen. 

“I’ve never been this certain about someone, Jaehyun.” 

“Neither have I,” Jaehyun paused, then leaned in to whisper, “I’m gonna say it.” 

“I love you, Yuta.” 

“Aaah!” Yuta shrieked, playing around. He rolled over and got up off Jaehyun’s lap, running towards the field. 

He laughed lightly as Jaehyun got up to follow him, and grabbed Haeun along the way. He couldn’t help but stop running to turn and watch how Haeun was giggling and smiling as her dad carried her over all the tall grass and flowers. 

“Daddy put me down!”

“No, we have to go get papa first. He ran away from me.” Jaehyun said rather frantically, in a playful way. 

Yuta was happy, at that moment. There was nothing more he could truly ask for. He had been through so many things, throughout his adult life, the number of lessons and the satisfaction of evolving from an undeveloped young adult who was merely a victim of love, into someone who could be a father, a lover, and a developed individual all at once were rewarding enough for him. 

Love was no longer something that clouded the way he thought or the decisions he made, or something that he thought had to be perfect in order to work—but rather a journey that he was meant to go on, and through it all he had learned that it could be healthy and giving all at once. 

They all played together in the field until they ran out of energy, or at least the two grown men did, while Haeun was still chasing butterflies and picking flowers in the field. 

Yuta and Jaehyun laid back down on the blanket, both catching their breath. 

“Say it back,” Jaehyun reached for Yuta’s hand, looking fondly over at his boyfriend.

“I love you, Jaehyun.” 

_The end._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and they were endgame... 
> 
> wow, so we made it. 
> 
> honestly, i am so thankful regardless of the stress i had over this fic. i received so much support that i will be eternally grateful for. thank you all so much! i will miss the feeling of wondering what you guys thought of the chapter, but i sincerely hope the ending did it justice. i wanted to showcase yuta and jaehyun growing on their own as humans and being mature enough to try other relationships before they went back to each other, so i hope i conveyed that well and there’s no confusion left! 
> 
> thank you all and i hope you aren’t too sad! lots of love, and stay well! 
> 
> for one last time, what did you guys think? :)


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